All language subtitles for sanford_son_s05e02_earthquake_ii

My empire is crumbled.

Oh, no.

I'm coming to join you, honey.

You'll recognize me, darling.

I'll be the one with the bird cage on my
foot.

I want to report a break in.

Yeah, a break in my house and a break in
my horse.

What location?

I'd say it's about three inches on the
left of his tail.

What's the matter, Pop?

I had a break -in. Nobody broke in here.

Well, what is this, a self -inflicted
wound?

Well, there was a small earthquake last
night, and a few things got, you know,

shook around.

I must have slept right through it.

Thank goodness it was just an
earthquake.

What do you mean, just an earthquake?

Well, just an earthquake.

This place is solid as a rock. A
fortress.

Like they say, in time, the rockies make
tumbles.

But you're brought to my crumble.

They only made of clay.

I just is here to

It's all over, Pop. How do you feel?
Fine, thank you. How are you?

You know, I tell you, Pop.

You know, it's a... It's a good thing we
don't live

closer to the San Andreas Fault.

It could have been a lot worse.

How could it be worse?

Look at all my stuff is broken.

The wall's all cracked.

Oh, no.

Look at my antique chair.

My Louis XIV.

And 15.

And 16, 17.

Why don't you sit down over there, Pop?

Try to compose yourself.

Yeah. Because these earthquakes are hard
on a fella.

I don't understand why people move out
here.

Earthquakes on the coast.

120 degrees temperature on the desert.

You ought to change the name of
California to Shake and Bake USA.

What's the matter, Brady?

Well, it's really nothing much to be
concerned about, Mr. Sanford. He's

experiencing a mild gastrointestinal
imbalance precipitated by...

Acute anti -gravitational pull in the
lower abdominal cavity.

I've got to throw up.

I'm going to be all right.

I'm just a little seasick from the
earthquake.

I take it you and Lamont have read this
morning's paper, the article about the

two Russian seismologists?

Oh, yeah, I saw it. Hey, Lamont, what
are you talking about? What two

Well, these two Russian seismologists
said they'd discovered a new fault.

What was wrong with the old ones?

And they're predicting a massive
earthquake on November 6th.

November 6th? That's only five days
away. Don't worry about a thing, Pop.

not possible.

I beg to differ with you, Lamont. Today
is November 1st, and it's extremely

possible that November 6th is only five
days away.

Excuse me, Mr. Wilson. I think what
Lamont meant was that the massive

is unlikely to happen.

Oh, that's good.

Wow. Thank you, Lamar.

You know, none of the American experts
agree with the Russian experts either.

What do they say?

Well, here's a newspaper.

There should be an article right here on
the front page, reprinted courtesy of

that fantastically respected publication
Pravda.

Now, according to the two commie pinkos,
the fault begins up here in the San

Fernando Valley, cuts down the San Diego
freeway to the Sloss and Cut -Off, and

it... Sloss and Cut -Off, you know what
that is?

That's where you get out of your car and
cut off your sloss.

Here's Johnny.

Here's Knuckles.

Let's see. Then it says it continues on
through Hollywood, slices into Watts,

right past 91 -14 South Central, turns
eastward at... Hold it, hold it. Did you

say 91 -14?

This is 91 -14 South Central. Holy moly.
I am standing on a potential

earthquake. That is bad luck.

You know what they say.

Step on a crack, break your mother's
back.

Well, so short. So long.

So long. Right.

Hey, son.

Come on, give me a hand. Cover up some
of these cracks before the people get

here to see the house.

Hey, Pop, you're not selling this house.

Who said anything about selling it? I'm
unloading it on the first sucker to make

me off.

And then what are you going to do? Where
are you going to live then?

Oh, probably Nevada.

You know, I've been looking at some
prime oceanfront property.

Nevada isn't on the ocean.

It will be after the quake.

I'm not going to Nevada.

Okay, you got three days before Q Day to
think about it.

That must be Mr.

and Mrs. Sucker Johnson.

Now listen, don't try to serve them
those gingerbread cookers or nothing

that. I'm going to get them in here fast
and get them on out here in case

there's another trimmer. I'm not going
to have anything to do with this. Well,

then stay out of it. Mind your own
business. I know I can't do this kind of

stuff. Hello.

We're the Johnsons from Kansas City.

Yes, the Sucker Johnson. I mean, the
Johnsons. Come right here.

Come right in. I'll show you right over
here. Come. Move, honey, move.

This is the kitchen over here, and this
is the living room. This is 15 by 8. It

was built in 1921.

And then in 1965, we repainted the
place.

And over here, see, I'll show you the
common stuff. All this furniture is the

original reproduction of something
famous. Now, come on up here, and I'll

you the rest of it.

Come on right up here.

Move, honey, move.

Move.

Come on.

There you are.

Now, look here.

This is the bed

Hey, you gonna take it? Well, I think
I'd like to see it first.

Well, I've seen enough, Mavis. It's
perfect, Mr. Stanford. I can... Relocate

junk business here with no problem at
all. Good, good.

Leonard, are you crazy? This place looks
like an earthquake hit it.

Shut up, lady.

Now, let's not accept any reason at all.

What was that?

Oh, that.

Well, see, that was the watch subway.

You heard the watch line?

That was it.

I didn't know Los Angeles had a subway.

Shh.

Yes, but we're trying to keep it a
secret because we don't want no

Now, I'll accept any reasonable offer.

Well, I'll give you $11 ,000.

I was thinking more like $22 ,000, and I
won't take a cent less than $22 ,000.

Come along, Mavis.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. I
lied. I lied. I'll accept.

I'll accept.

And here's the keys to the house.

And... Now, wait a minute, Leonard. This
place is... I don't know. I wish you'd

reconsider this place. It's so
ramshackle. Why don't you take this

ram it in your mouth?

Then it's all set. I'll meet you
tomorrow at the escrow office. Now, may

the cab?

Leonard, why don't we just take the
subway? Hey, that's a good idea,

Why don't y 'all take the subway? Right
on out there. Take the subway. Where is

the nearest subway station in Stanford?
Just walk east.

left in Philadelphia.

Yeah, son.

270 smackaroos from my once -in -a
-lifetime earth -shaking eve of

sale. Not bad, eh?

Not bad. You sold all our merchandise
for a third of what it's worth.

Change your mind, son. Come on to Las
Vegas.

No.

Just for one day. Then you can come back
after the disaster when it's safe. If

it's safe.

Come. Come back to what?

The house is in escrow.

And it will be in the ocean.

The house won't even be ours in ten
days.

Come in.

Hold it right there.

I just had my rug cleaned. Get that mud
off your feet.

Anything else?

Yeah, I just did my mirrors. Wipe that
ugly off your face.

and then transgressing all your life.

If the Lord want to strike you down,
he'll find you.

Even if he have to go to Las Vegas.

Well, he better not come to Las Vegas
this weekend because Frank's not in town

and all the rooms are filled.

You know, Papa, Esther's right, man.
When your time comes, it comes.

Earthquake or no earthquake.

Oh, glory!

Like the Bible says, there's a time to
live and a time to die.

A time to sow and a time to reap.

And a time to shut up and a time to
creep out.

I'm shutting up and I'm creeping out,
you old heathen.

Well, son,

I better be going because I don't want
to miss my bus.

Hey, Pop, can't I talk you out of it? I
think you're acting foolish.

If your mother and I had known we won't
have a son... Didn't know the difference

between careful and foolish.

We'd have been a little bit more careful
that foolish night 35 years ago.

Bye. Come on, bye.

Come on, bye.

Oh, gone.

Lost again.

Gee.

Crap table.

21!

That's 23.

Whoa!

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You're Mark Griffin, ain't you?

Yeah, yeah, I am. Can you hold my
racket?

Hey, listen, you're Mark Griffin. You're
the one that got that TV show that's

been on a long time.

Yeah.

Well, if you're Mark Griffin...

Looked like he'd have enough money to
get a pair of pants to go all the way

to the floor.

I'm a sportsman. These are my tennis
shorts.

Well, I'm a sportsman, too.

Yeah. Well, look.

Here's my polo shirt.

You want to see my jockey shorts?

I don't want to see your jockey shorts.
These are some kind of nut.

What do you mean, nut?

I used to like you.

Got me?

Honey, wait a minute. Wait.

What is it? I mean, it's just a
fountain.

Throw a coin in there.

What for?

That's Caesar's lucky wishing pond.

Boy, I can use some luck.

I'm just Steve. She's Edie.

I'm Fred G. Sanford.

I'm in antiques.

And you really look good in them.

Listen,

if you're ever in Los Angeles, feel free
to call on me.

Thanks, but I'd rather use the phone.

Well, nice to see you, Freddy.

Uh -huh.

Bye. Bye, darling.

Yeah, Mr.

E .D., call me Steve.

Hey,

wait a minute, buddy.

I got 25 cents in there.

No, back out the way, man. I got $25.

Oh!

Look at that. That's my jackpot.

That's my jackpot there.

I have $25.

Well, maybe you need the money.

All right, all right.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, operator. I'll accept the
charges.

Hi, Pop.

Hey, Lamont, I've been trying to reach
you all night.

I know. I was out on a date. I just came
in.

I was worried about you. How's the
damage?

What damage?

There was no damage, Pop.

The earthquake didn't happen, man. The
time is up. You can come home now.

Lamont, you sure the house is still
standing?

I'm positive, Pop.

And you weren't killed?

No, I wasn't killed.

You're not just saying that to make me
feel bad, are you?

Would you stop it?

Now get on the bus and come home.

I can't.

I don't have no fam.

I lost all my money.

Well, I don't know what to tell you,
Pop. You took all the money we had here

the house to Vegas.

I know, I know, I know. Okay, bye, son.

Bye.

I ain't got no money to even try to get
my money back.

I need a stake.

A nickel or a dime. I ain't got nothing.

A nickel or a dime, a quarter.

A quarter.

I know where I can get a quarter.

It's my own money.

going to jail.

Oh, Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you,
honey.

I'll be the one that's wet.

Yeah, it's you, Pop. You look like
you've been in an accident.

Worse. What could be worse than being in
an accident?

Being on a chicken truck.

Well, I hate to say I told you so, Pop,
but it's your own fault.

No, it's not. It's the Russians' fault.

They promised us something and didn't
deliver. We should sue them.

For what?

Failure to deliver the quiver.

Why don't you just forget about it, Pop,
and chalk it up to experience. And the

next time, don't believe... everything
you read.

Yeah, third experience.

I sold all my merchandise for less than
I paid for it, and I lost all my money

in Las Vegas, and I went to jail and
dried out.

You were drunk?

No, no, no. It was three coins in the
fountain, and I jumped in and got mine

of it.

And then I sold my house. I unsold it.

You what?

While you were gone, I called up the
Johnsons, and I told them why you wanted

sell, and they said if we didn't give
them the money back, they were going to

sue us for misrepresentation.

Seems that there's a law in this state
against what you did.

Yeah, the old call them earthquake or
subway law.

Hope you learned something from all of
this. I did learn something, son. And

sorry that I said that you was crazy and
that you was a dummy.

Because when you called those Johnsons
back and got our house back, that was...

Why didn't you unload this turkey like I
told you?

Why don't you call him Johnson's back?

And I'll sell him the house for $1 ,000.

Call him yourself.

Where you going?

Las Vegas.