Original subtitles

All right, Fred.

What happened to your neck?

I had an accident in a truck.

Oh, a whiplash.

Did they hit you from behind?

No, I was in a drive -in movie, and I was trying to mess around with Fat

and she hit me from the trunk.

See, they call that a fish lash.

Wow. Well, anyway, I was certainly glad to see that you finally...

decided to clean up all this terrible trash that's been lying around this

filthy yard.

That's right, Grady.

Is there anything I can do to help you?

Yeah. Jump in.

Say, say, Fred, I think you missed the trash can.

Shut up, Grady.

Say, Fred, I hope you don't mind me interrupting, but don't you think that

comic section would look better over here on the sofa and the sports section

over there by the door?

Don't make no difference, Brady, as long as it looks messy.

Well, you know Lamont's going to be awful mad when he comes home and sees

this trash around.

I know that.

That's why I did it. I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, Brady, for the last week or so, Lamont's been acting weird.

What do you mean?

I mean, like, he's been...

Been nice to me and polite and easygoing.

And whatever I do is okay.

Now, that makes me worry about him.

Oh, I see. And you think if he comes in and sees all the trash around, that

he'll get mad and he'll be his old self again.

I hope so, Grady. But I'm not sure. Because yesterday I tried to make him

because I refused to fix his breakfast, dinner, and lunch. And all he did to me

was look at me all funny and smile and say, Well, Pop, you're you and I'm me.

And that's why I love you so.

Here you come now, Green. Let's sit down and act casual.

Okay. Act casual.

Hello, Grady, my friend. How you feeling, buddy? Very casual, thank you.

Hello, Pop.

Hello, Lamont, you big, ugly dummy.

Hey, wait a minute, son. Look at this place. I haven't cleaned it up in days.

And I ain't gonna clean it up either.

Now, what do you say about that?

Well, Pop, that's why you're you and I'm me and that's why I love you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go upstairs and change.

Wait a minute, son. Listen. Lamar, listen. Look, the room is filthy.

And the bathroom upstairs.

I didn't clean the bathroom and bedroom filthy because I let a mangy dog sleep

up there.

Now, how's that better?

Pop, that's why you're you and I'm me. And that's why I love you.

Wow, Fred.

I see what you mean.

I've never seen Lamar act like that before. He's so calm, so serene.

Maybe there was a full moon and he got bit on the neck by the flying nun.

Wow. Now, that's it, Fred. That's it. But only he wasn't bit. He

was hit by an arrow.

Arrow? Yeah, Cupid's arrow.

Yeah,

that one too, Fred.

He has all the symptoms. He's been hit by Cupid's arrow.

Goodbye, Grady.

Oh, goodbye, Fred.

Lamar! Yeah, Pop?

Come on down. I want to talk to you.

Yeah, what is it?

Son, I... What's that I smell?

Oh, that's probably my new cologne you smell, Pop. It's called Days in Paris.

Well, it smells like nights in El Segundo.

That's cute, Pop. It's cute. I like it. Yeah, well, that's why I... I'm me, and

I'm you, and you're me. Now, I want to ask you something.

Sure. You're grown now.

Can I talk to you man to man, adult to adult?

Why, of course, Pop.

Well, son, are you in love?

Yes, I am.

Well, Lamont, you're just a baby.

You're just a kid. You're a child. Now, what do you know about love?

That's exactly what I thought you'd say.

Listen, son. No, no, no. Wait a minute. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't say

that. I was wrong. Of course you know about love. And I know about love, too.

It's a sensitive, personal thing.

It's a thing that a father and son should discuss with warmth and

Okay, shoot.

Now, tell me, who is this bimbo?

Well, right now, the only thing that I'm going to tell you is that she's

beautiful, intelligent, and black.

Well, I want to meet her. Well, you'll meet her sooner or later, but her night

off from the dress shop is Tuesday nights, and I was thinking about having

over here for dinner.

Tuesday? That's two days from now. Right. I mean, what's her name?

That's not important, Pop. The thing that is important is that I love her.

How much do you love her? A lot, Pop.

Do you love her enough to marry her?

Maybe.

Well, I'm against it, because you're still a child, and you don't know

about life.

And that's my opinion. That's how I feel. That's how you think about it.

what do you think about it?

That's why you're you.

And I'm me.

And that's why I love you.

I don't play that.

I ain't living here. I live here by myself.

This old messy house.

It's not right.

Lamont doesn't have a beard.

What do you want, Brady?

I forgot my jacket, Fred.

Well, get your jacket. I need help, Brady.

Oh, no, Fred. You're going to clean up this mess by yourself.

Look, Brady, you were right.

Lamont's got a girl. Oh, well, then you get her to clean it up.

Look, Brady, look here.

See, Lamont won't tell me who this girl is.

And I got to know.

See, I got to go and check out.

You mean he won't let you meet her?

No, he's making a big... mistake, he won't let me meet her.

Not until Tuesday. But see, Tuesday's two days away.

Yeah. And in two days, she could seduce him with wine and candlelight.

Yeah. She could dull his senses with her perfume.

Yeah. She could dazzle him with her sex.

Don't stop now, Grady. I'm getting excited.

You gotta find out.

Right away.

Find her? I don't even know her name.

What am I going to do, Grady?

Every little breeze wants to whisper to you.

That's it, Grady. That's it. That's her name.

Her name is Breeze?

No, Grady. Louise.

Louise Breeze.

No, Louise. See, Lamont's been singing that song for days now.

And it's placed down about two blocks down the street.

Called Louise's Dress Shop.

Fred. And he said this girl worked in the dress shop.

Fred, you're brilliant.

I know that.

Now, see, here's what we have to do. We got to go to our man and check this girl

out. Right. But see, she can't know who we are. Or Lamont will find out we've

been there. And he'll get mad.

But don't worry, Fred. Don't worry. You think of something.

And I know whatever it is, it'll be brilliant.

Brilliant. Okay.

Brilliant. How's this?

We'll put on some afro wigs and go down there disguised incognito.

Fred, that's dumb.

It ain't great of you.

Do you know why you're my friend?

No. Me either.

This is dumb.

This is dumb, dumb, dumb.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

May I help you?

Why, sure, lady, but I think you better put some clothes on before you get

dressed.

Sir, I'm over here.

Oh, I see.

You could see a lot better if you took off those glasses.

Oh, no, you see, I'm an airline pilot, and I got to protect my eyes.

Now, aren't you a little old for that kind of thing?

Are you kidding?

Up there in the wild blue yonder, I'm known as the Gray Eagle.

And this is my co -pilot.

That's right.

I'm known as the Brown Pigeon.

Well, fine.

What can I do for you two birds?

Well, if you don't mind, we'd like to browse around just a little bit.

Fine. When you're ready, Louise will help you.

Oh, you hear that, Grady?

Louise. Yeah, but she's kind of young, Fred. Yeah, you're right.

I can't seem to make up my mind, Louise.

Sir, what would be your reaction to this wool dress?

Oh, a rash under my armpits.

name is Lindbergh.

And this is my friend Lamont. Sir, did you say Lamont? I know a Lamont. You do?

Yes. In fact, you look a little bit like him yourself. Hey, he's really

handsome. Oh, thank you, honey.

Well, I don't think so. I don't think Lamont does.

Is this something that I could show you here?

Sure, honey. You see, we want to buy a present for a girl. In fact, this girl

very much like you. And she's about your age.

She's about, uh, Well, I'm 18.

Yeah, 18.

Okay, I see. Maybe a dress would be nice. Something like this.

Now, this comes in silk, satin jersey, crepe.

Which one would you prefer?

Personally, I just love crepe.

Oh, Fritz, he would be perfect, because you've got a whole house full of crepe.

You're just kind of cute, and I like you.

You know, you may be just all right. Okay, well, thank you very much, sir.

you know, I just can't get over how much you look like the Lamont that I know.

Maybe you'll get to meet him. He should be in here any minute.

Lamont, here? Yeah. Well, nice meeting you, miss. Let's go.

Hello,

son. Nice meeting you here. I mean, it's a small world integrated.

What are you and Grady doing here? Would you believe that Grady needed a new

bra? Yeah.

I didn't think you would.

Son and Pop. Oh, I get it now.

Listen, son, I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. But see, I wanted to know her,

and I wanted to meet her, so see if she had any possibilities.

And I like her.

You do?

Well, I think that's great. Did you hear that, honey?

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter with you, Pop? I thought she said you liked Grace.

Grace? Grace Alexander, Mr. Sanford. I named the shop after my daughter,

That grown -up lady there is your daughter?

Excuse me for a moment, Grace.

Let me talk to you for a minute, Pop.

Son, you got to be crazy. That woman must be ten years older than you are.

Look, now I want you to listen and listen carefully because I'm only going

say this one time.

Now, Grace might be older than I am, but she's mature and intelligent, and she's

more a woman than I've ever known in my life, and I happen to be in love with

her. Now, I'm thinking about marrying her, and if I do, I'm going to have to

leave home. Now, do I make myself perfectly clear?

Marry her and leave home.

Make it clear.

Oh, Elizabeth, did you hear?

She's 44.

But what is it going to look like 20 years from now when he's 54 and she's

Well, my cousin's grandmother, Mabel, is 86 and she's doing fine.

I mean, if a woman wants to sleep 19 hours a day, that's her business.

What about children?

Well, Mabel can't have any more.

a woman because she kind of reminds him of the mother that he never had.

Mother? In me, Lamont has had both a mother and a father.

Well, then, Fred, why don't you just leave him alone and maybe he'll get

of it and forget the whole thing.

Grady, that's where you're wrong, Z.

Lamont said that he was going to talk to Rollo about an engagement ring.

He's going to get engaged to Rollo?

Well, I hope they'll be happy.

Grady, try engaging.

your brain now listen well mine's gonna buy a ring for that woman well fred fred

you you got to do something about i know that that was only some way that i

could make him realize he's making a fool out of himself and i look don't

at me now father got it right to check on his son see everything's okay because

getting married to someone who is older and you are not your age that's

dangerous pop that's why you're you not me And that's why I love you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and change my clothes.

Yes, sir.

Look, have you decided on what you're going to fix next Tuesday night for

dinner? Yes, I decided. I want to fix something new, something borrowed, and

something blue.

Because you're bringing something old.

That's cute, Pop. It's cute. I like it. But there's nothing that you can say or

do that's going to make me upset.

Now, why don't you just fix one of your fantastic meals next week, and I'll

bring the champagne.

Champagne? You're going to buy champagne?

Oh, yeah, Grady. When you have an important announcement to make, you're

toasted with champagne.

Important announcement.

Right. Hey, Pop, you know what might be a good idea?

Why don't you get yourself a date, and it'll be nice and cozy just the four of

us. I don't have time to talk to you now, Pop. I've got to run upstairs and

change because I'm going to the jewelry store.

Every little breeze seems to... Did you hear that, Grady?

Announcement.

Champagne. Me bring a date.

Grady, I'm in trouble.

You sure are, Fred, because I hate champagne.

But pick me up at eight anyway.

Well, this is it, Grady.

Oh, Lamont.

It's very nice.

Yeah. I knew it would be something special.

Yeah, I'm glad you like it.

Hello, son.

Hello, Grace.

Welcome to my home.

Thank you, Mr. Sanford. I like your house. It feels so warm and lived in.

It does?

Well, I can just see myself in here, curled up in front of the fireplace,

drifting off to sleep.

Yeah? Well, we don't have no fireplace, but...

You can curl up under the sink if you want to.

Hey, man, why don't you dig yourself?

Hey, son, how do I look?

You look spiffy, Pop. Yeah, thank you. See, I only look good for your

and my date.

Oh, hey, Grace, you're going to love Donna. She's fantastic. No, no, wait a

minute. I didn't bring Donna.

I have another date. She's in the kitchen. She's helping me fix dinner.

Well, bring her out, Mr.

Sanford. We're just dying to meet her. Really? I want to get her for you.

Hey, you know, I think he's beginning to like you, Grace, because if he didn't,

he'd have done something dumb.

This is Mabel.

Hey, Pop, that's Grady's cousin's grandmother.

That's right. See, Mabel and I go way back.

See, I first met her when I was 34, and she was 44.

It didn't make much difference then.

Pop. No, no, I'm trying to listen. We were like two chickens in the coop.

The problem is, I'm still clucking, and I ain't heard a...

This is my son, Lamar.

Abel?

How do you do?

No, no, that's not him.

This is his girlfriend here, Grace.

Oh, pleased to meet you, H.

No, dear, it's Grace.

G -R -A -C -E.

Grace.

You all sit down right here, and I'll pour you some champagne for a toast.

Well, aren't we cute?

Young me and old her.

See, when we were young, you know, I was 34, and she was 44, and it didn't seem

like we'd end up this ugly a couple, did it?

We'll have a little toast anyway right here.

A little drink for you, man.

And so, Grace, right there, we'll all have a little kiss.

Here you are, darling.

Thank you. Now, to my son and his lady friend and their future

happiness.

And to President McKinley.

Well, that's it.

That's it. I thought I'd seen everything till tonight, but this takes the cake.

Come on, Grace. Hey, wait a minute. Son.

Son. Listen, son.

Would you like to have a little fun, Freddy?

What a nerve for him. Do you believe what he did?

Oh, Lamont, your father meant well.

Yeah, so did Attila the Hun.

He spoiled our engagement party.

Engagement party?

Yeah.

Surprise.

Lamont, it's beautiful.

But I can't accept this.

I can't marry you.

Why not?

As crude as your father was, he did make a point.

The difference in our ages would become a problem.

You really think so?

I'm afraid it's the truth.

But Lamont... Lamont... You're still the best.

Yeah, you too.

You see, it's just that we each want different things out of life.

Friends?

Friends.

You'll find someone who's just right for you.

Of course, she won't be as witty, intelligent and beautiful as I am.

But you will look, won't you, Lamont?

Yeah, I will.

Darn it.

Hi, Pop.

Oh, my.

I thought you were gone for good.

No chance.

You know, Pop, things seem to be going just great, and then all of a sudden

everything gets all messed up.

I know what you mean, son.

Like the TV ain't working again.

I want you to know, Pop, that Gracie and I had a long talk, and, well, we're

still going to see each other, but we're not going to get married.

No, no, no. You don't have to apologize, Pop, because it wouldn't have worked

out. Don't worry about it, son. Look, There's a whole sea of women out there

just waiting for you to pickle that tuna.

How poetic.

Son, there's something I just got to say. No, look, listen, listen. You don't

have to explain, man, because what you did, you did because you love me. Now

going to go upstairs and change.

No, you're not.

What do you mean, no, I'm not?

Well, you can't, because, see, Mabel sprained her ankle, and she's up there

the bed. The doctor told her to stay up there. She got to stay up there at least

a week.

How did these things happen to me like that?

I don't understand.

Hey, come here. Come here.

These things happen to you because you're you and I'm you.