Original subtitles

Say hello, video vultures. This is Victoria J and BBI coming to you live

Noise Addict Studios in Los Angeles, where Cosmic Dope are recording their

-awaited second album. Now, singing their hyper hit, This Ain't My Party, go

trick!

Called it by the rain, but by the sun.

Wanna get away, but there's nowhere to run.

Can't even pretend this ain't one bit of fun. This ain't my party and I didn't

ask to come.

This ain't my party.

This ain't my party.

This ain't my party.

And I didn't ask to come.

What the hell is he doing?

I just want to thank Video Vision Incorporated for inviting me on the

They sell our records, and we sell their monopoly on youth culture.

I've got to take a leak.

Oh, my God.

I warned you, Butler.

Perfect. On live television.

Kick it for a beat, and I'm sure Trick will be right back with another brutal

song from his brutal debut disc, Man is God's Mistake.

I think.

Hope they were some strict fans.

I don't think so, Butler.

Bloody perfect. Now what?

Well, you call the police.

I'll call a press conference.

Somebody's just kidnapped the demon prince of punk.

He was a cop and good at his job, but he committed the ultimate sin and

testified against other cops gone bad.

Cops that tried to kill him, but got the woman he loved instead.

Framed for murder, now he prowls the Badlands.

An outlaw hunting outlaws. A bounty hunter.

A renegade.

Oh, it's tragic and terrifying, Victoria.

Girlfriend is Meredith Lee. President of Pirate Records. Cosmic Doke did like

eight million units for her label.

Best -selling debut since Hootie and the Blowfish, Vicki.

It's not about business. It's about a young man who's very dear to us.

Like you don't know, their singer was snatched by weirdos in the middle of

night's unwired gig.

So, what's the 411?

I'm glad you asked that, Victoria, because right now the police are

stumped. No leads, no contacts, nothing.

Therefore, Tyrant Records is offering a $1 million reward for trick -safe

returns. No questions asked.

Sorry, Jeeves, I checked my schedule, and I won't be able to take Princess Di

the opera after all.

What? Is that you, Bobby?

Isn't it always? Hey, where are you?

Five miles from the middle of nowhere.

Well, how quick can you get here?

Wait a second. I thought you wanted me on Davis Jordan Jr.

Your favorite whiskey bandit. Forget it. Jordan's a loser. His bounty's only

what, ten grand?

Only ten grand.

Okay, who is this, really?

Do you ever watch BVI?

You know, sir, me personally, I would rather listen to the sweet crooning

of William Nelson.

But I mean one million simoleons. Now that's a reward.

That's not a reward. That's a cattle call. You realize every bounty hunter in

the country is going to be after this kid? Do you realize that we are just not

any old bounty hunters?

We are six killer enterprises. We are invincible.

Is this where you roar?

Follow me.

I'll be Sixkiller president of Sixkiller Enterprises, and you are Meredith Lee.

And you are?

Gary Butler.

Calls me Joke's manager.

Who let you in here?

You sent for me.

You posted a bounty.

You see, Sixkiller Enterprises has the highest capture ratio. There have been

bounty hunters through this office today, Mr. Sixkiller.

And you know what?

All of them have the best capture ratio west of the Rockies.

Or is it south of the border?

Or north of the Mason -Dixon line.

Let's start with his movements, just before the kidnapping. Did he... Get him

kidnap kit.

This should have all the information you need to get started.

Thanks for stopping by.

Good luck.

Easiest million I ever made.

Hey, this baby is ours. You know why? Because I can feel it in my bones. Yeah,

that's rheumatism. Look, let me just go after Davis Jordan Jr., okay? At least

you can pay your cell phone bill for the month.

Listen, we're already here, so let's just make some preliminary inquiries,

Because nobody does it better than you and I. Let's see.

Hey, popular boy. He tops the crusade for family values and the list. Right.

Well, they think he's the Antichrist, that's why. Oh,

hey. The program director at KCORP threatened his life when Trick leaked

CD to the local college station. What about that? Forget them, okay?

Everybody's going to go after their enemy. Let's go after their friends.

I told you they're the best.

Here, I'll take the girlfriend.

You take the band members.

No way. You always take the girlfriend. I always get in the girls. You know

what? Here, you take the drummer with the nose ring, and me, I'm going to take

the underwear model.

Nose rings?

Yep.

You Tom Puget?

I'm Vince Black. I'm looking for Trick.

Well, he ain't here.

I know. That's why I'm looking for him.

You know who's seen him last?

I saw him. He was standing right next to me in the studio.

We don't talk much lately.

Who does he talk to?

His lady, Tiffany, Spider, and Johnny Deadlegs.

You want to run that by me again?

Spider and Johnny Deadlegs.

They're our roadies.

Maybe I can talk to them.

What's their room number?

Why don't you try the Roach Motel across the street, down by the pizza joint?

They're not staying here with you?

Hey, in a perfect world, even drumsticks stay at the plaza.

Rot in hell, you drug -pushing scum.

That's the Wailing Wall.

Chick likes to keep all of his hate mail.

Says it makes him feel youthful.

Well, this is all the same handwriting here.

Dying is easy, loves a bitch.

We're all on the cheap seats to hell. This guy's really twisted.

Actually, those are all cosmic joke lyrics.

Sorry.

Right. That guy is so weird.

He got our phone number, and he calls us up in the middle of the night, recites

some of Trick's creepiest lyrics, and then hangs up.

Well, I don't suppose I'll get much of a fingerprint off of these anyway.

Yeah,

that's what the police said.

I'm supposed to be real careful with this one and just hold it by the edges

until they come for it.

Well, why don't you let me hold it? I'll be very careful, I promise.

I promise.

Hi.

Hi.

You have guests that go by the name of Spider and Johnny Deadlegs. They work

for, uh... Cosmic Joke.

Oh, they're so awesome.

Yeah, I'd like to talk to them. Oh, yeah, well, so would I.

I mean, I would just die to touch anything that Trick even, like, barfed

They're not here, then?

No. They checked in yesterday at the same time. They went straight to a sound

check. They never even picked up their keys.

I waited here all night, just hoping.

Well, can you do me a favor?

Tell me the card they registered.

Please?

For Trick?

Well, okay.

Let's see.

Here we go.

They were driving a 75 minivan.

Anthracite.

Oh, that's great.

Got a license plate number?

Hey, step away from the bike if you want to live a long life. I'm scared.

So you're the famous Vince Black.

I'm Vince Black, all right, but I ain't famous.

You will be if you nab the rock star.

But you're not gonna nab the rock star.

I am.

Name is Dean.

Mick Dean.

Remember that.

You lay another hand on my motorcycle and they'll be calling you Lefty.

I'm on a fishing expedition, pal.

Fan mail from some flounder. What do you need?

Results of that DMV check I asked for.

Well, your wish is my aggravation. Sandy just called it in.

Would you care to share?

Yeah, right here. California commercial plate 1E49937. It's a minivan.

Registered to a John Daly.

Johnny Deadlegs. Huh?

Never mind.

Address?

435 Dry Lake Road, Ridgecrest.

What do you think's up there?

If I'm right, A cool million.

You're Rick?

Yeah, who are you? Vince Black.

I'm here to get you out.

Cool.

Those are the only guys here?

Yeah.

Drop the gun.

Sorry, dude.

Name's not on the guest list.

I told you this was a cheese whiz idea.

Give me a break, dead legs.

I'm new at this.

New? At kidnapping?

You set this whole thing up yourself?

Ten points, brainiac.

Kidnapping is a capital crime, and you two are co -conspirators.

Co -conspirators.

With the kidnapee.

Please. You think you're home free now?

I'm just visitor number one.

You should organize a receiving line.

Any other suggestions?

Yeah. These cuffs are too tight.

You know, you sure whine a lot for a headbanger.

Well, you screw up a lot for a criminal mastermind.

So what is this?

For publicity?

You think I need publicity?

Don't you read Rolling Stone?

I got a higher recognition factor than Joe Camel.

Well, the next time you kidnap yourself, remember to send a ransom note.

I don't want their money.

You don't have a clue, do you?

Spider!

Get down!

Get down now! Get me out of here! Quick!

Go to the door! Go! The door!

We'll call 9 -1 -1 when we're out of here. But we can't leave him.

You're no good to me, Dad.

Let's go. Go.

Get on the bike.

Freak with the using.

He's a competition.

Didn't anybody tell you? There's a reward after. You're worth a million

Mrs. Ryan?

Mrs. Jim Ryan? Who are you and what do you want? Ma 'am, my name is Sixkiller.

I'm looking for your husband.

Well, he's at work.

No, he's not. He hasn't been there for days and he hasn't been home either

because I've been talking to the neighbors.

Well, what gives you the right?

I am an officer of the court.

Well, have you been listening to the news? You know about this missing singer

named Trick?

Yes, I've heard.

Your husband's been sending hate mail, ma 'am, as threats.

He wouldn't.

He wouldn't.

He's been mailing them from the office.

I double -checked the number from the postage meter.

I'm sorry, but there's been a death in my family.

Yes, I heard about your son.

I'm sorry. I know how you must feel.

No.

I really have to go.

But, Mrs. Ryan, wait, please.

Do you really want another tragedy in your life?

All right, you can set up camp, and we'll check into a motel tomorrow.

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to screw on the bulb and four to hold up lighters.

Correct answer is... guitarists don't do manual labor.

Hey.

Don't give me that star trip, okay?

Your little publicity stunt got your buddy shot.

I told you, man, it wasn't a publicity stunt.

Then what was it?

I just wanted all the zombies with the $500 an hour lawyers

and $1 ,000 suits to just leave me alone.

I could have done what Kurt did.

Shotgun to the larynx.

Yeah, poor Kurt Cobain.

Fame, fortune, wife, baby.

Must have been awful.

Bobby. Break out the bubbly, pal, because I have solved the case.

Uh, Bob.

The kidnapper's name is Jim Ryan. He's been stalking Trick for months.

Bob. I feel so bad for him, though. I mean, what a motive. Forget it, okay?

got him. The way I finessed the information, you see, his son... You

Trick engineered the whole kidnap.

Well, that doesn't make any sense, Reno.

Yeah, well, wait till you meet him.

Look, we're being trailed by a hunter named Mitch Dean.

He wounded two of Trick's roadies.

Dean?

Yeah, his bounties have a way of coming home in body bags.

And that Ryan, he's out there somewhere. I'm going to tell you what.

You keep the kid in the field for a while. I'm going to talk to the label,

Don't take too long.

I may end up shooting this guy myself.

Gotta turn the fuel line on first.

Look, if I have to cuff you, you won't be able to play Nintendo.

If I gotta cuff you real tight, you won't be able to play guitar again.

You got it?

Why don't you just wrap him around my neck?

Then I won't be able to breathe again.

What is it with you slackers, anyway?

Why is your world so black, huh?

How about, uh, oppression?

Hate?

Anger. Corruption.

What was it? Did your mom drink and your dad beat you?

Or was it the other way around?

Beat me?

Man, they didn't even notice me.

We're the Latchkey kids, man. Don't you know that?

Spawned by the me generation.

Three words.

Get over it.

My operative will have trick at 29 Palms by noon tomorrow. Now, that's two hours

away. What do you say we meet here around 4 o 'clock?

Please have a cashier's check ready.

And the kidnappers, are they in custody?

Well, that is the funny part. You see, technically, there are no kidnappers.

What do you mean, technically?

Trick arranged for his own kidnapping.

Why? His version of a short vacation.

Fine. If there was no kidnapping, as I see it, there's no reward.

Well, as I see it, you offered a million dollars for the return of Trick. I'm

returning him.

I want a million dollars.

You know, that sounds suspiciously like extortion.

Look, lady, two men were shot because of your boy's temper tantrum.

Now, any one of you could help plan it out.

So I strongly suggest you keep up your end of the bargain.

Or else what?

You're not the only one who can hold a press conference.

Attention Kmart shoppers, this is a news event. It will last for more than three

minutes. Please take your riddle in now.

Okay, newsflash.

Kidnapped cosmic joke lead singer Trick has been found. And this is the man

who's bringing him back alive.

Bobby Sixkiller, Sixkiller Enterprises.

These torture chambers that are out? Hey, quit your bellyaching, will you?

We've only got an hour left.

Hey, my drivers don't talk to me like that.

Well, I ain't your driver.

Well, you're driving, aren't you?

You know, I ought to make you walk home.

Is that headbanger hair getting the way you're hearing?

I don't want to go home.

I'm not your prisoner, man.

Well, you ain't my boss either.

What the hell is that?

Oh, that's me.

The world revolving around me.

Cool, huh?

Thinking of copywriting it.

Get the hell off my bike.

That's it.

What, you're just going to leave me here?

Here's a quarter.

There's a gas station on the other end of that ride.

You call somebody who gives a damn.

Wait, wait a second. I'm a...

I'm a walking Therabond, a million bucks on the hook.

Not interested.

You turn your back on six zeros.

I've done it before.

You got no future in the music business.

Don't worry.

We're early.

Beef jerky?

Ooh, dog juice.

Thanks.

I never saw anybody turn down cash before.

Well, then, you're hanging around the wrong kind of people.

And I've been on...

a meal ticket to so many people for so long start off as a

musician you're a musician who's making a little money

and you wake up one day and just

money sometimes you do a little music

Why don't right here, okay?

Take it easy,

okay? You're in shock.

A giant shock.

He shot me right in the heart.

Shot in the upper arm.

It'll hurt a little, but it'll heal.

Anyway, you're the Dark Prince of Rock and you have no heart.

Demon. Prince.

Punk.

Don't get confused with me, love.

Well, there's a problem.

I mean, I can understand Mitchell Dean shooting at me to get to you, but he was

shooting at you.

It's like... You were one of dead or alive.

No, I'm just worth more dead than alive.

What?

How many records do you think Jim Morrison sold before he took that bath

in Paris?

Hey, come on, man. You're the goose that lays the golden records.

Your second album.

Spend $10 ,000 a day on garbage.

There's nothing left.

You trying to tell me you're a has -been at 23?

I'm worse than a has -been.

I'm a fraud.

What do you mean you don't have him?

Last I saw of your rock star, he was hauling butt at 60 miles an hour,

like a stuck pig.

Now, the man who shot him knew exactly where to find him.

The only people with that information are right here in this room right now.

Now, I got a million reasons why I didn't do it.

You got any?

Huh?

Spider!

Spider's in ICU.

You're a high -maintenance friend, Trick.

Call me Joe.

Joe.

Joseph Andrew Farmer.

Doesn't get much more Ohio than that.

All I wanted to do was go somewhere warm and learn how to drive a bus.

How's he doing?

Almost human.

He'll be fine.

But the shooter's still out there.

Mitch Dean is slimed for hire, and only three people knew where he was. The

kid's manager, his girlfriend, and the wicked witch of the East.

I'll babysit.

You go follow the money.

What money?

Trick's worth a million bucks to us alive.

He's got to be worth more to somebody dead.

I want TRWs out on Gary Butler, Meredith Lee, Tiffany Jewell.

Tax returns, the whole nine yards. Oh, and check out Joe Farmer.

Trick's real name is Joe Farmer?

Ha ha ha!

Hey, wait till I tell.

Okay, okay, I'm on it. Okay?

I know, I know.

One extra crispy, biscuits and slaw. No, no, no.

Rotisserie. Beans and a corn on the cob. And a pack of sticks.

Those things will kill you.

Yeah, what do you think I smoke them for?

How can you listen to that noise?

What do you want?

To even it up.

Your life for Jimmy's.

Jimmy?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Of course not.

No one ever takes responsibility.

My son is dead!

Did I know him?

He knew you.

Had your picture up on his wall?

Listen to your record over and over.

Here's a guy.

The letters that the phone calls.

My son worshipped you.

But you told him that life wasn't worth spit.

Now that's what your sorry hide is worth.

You don't want to do that, Mr. Ryan.

What do you know about it?

about your pain.

Don't talk to me about pain.

I just cut my son down from a garage door opener.

He didn't do it. It's on his head.

Your wife says that Jimmy was in rehab three times and he kept running away.

You tried.

You did your best.

Don't talk to me about it.

What do you know about grief?

I know plenty about grief.

I watched my fiance stand up and take a bullet that was meant for me.

I held her in my arms as she died.

I don't need any lessons in grief.

Where do you put it?

Where do you put the pain?

It's so big and black and deep like an ocean.

It's an ocean that you feel like you're drowning in.

Sometimes it's the best thing I can do.

I was leaving.

Yes, you were just leaving.

But now you're staying.

You neglected to mention one small detail about your relationship with

What detail?

That you and Mr.

Joseph Andrew Farmer, a .k .a. Trick, are married.

Oh, let me refresh your memory.

Got it right here.

Let me see.

City of Santa Monica, April 1st. That's April Fool's Day.

Cosmic joke, but I like it.

Family values with a twist.

We didn't tell anyone.

A tyrant doesn't stand for a married rock star at ruined sales.

Anyway, I don't see what difference it makes.

Well, not much.

Just that California is a community property state, which means if something

should happen to your poor little hubby, you'd inherit everything.

When I turn into Gandhi, I'll let you know. Until then, I want a cigarette.

You got to quit those things, man. They'll kill you.

Yeah, looks like they're going to have to take a number.

Stay out of sight.

Hey, what can I do?

Well, well. What do you know? My old pal Lefty. I've been looking for you.

Really? You've got something I want.

Well, you've got something I want, too.

308. Probably fired when trying to ambush my bounty. You calling me a

bushwhacker? Well, not exactly, but if it fit.

I thought guitar players didn't do manual labor.

Question number one.

Who hired Bazooka Joe here?

I know who hired Bazooka Joe. The same person who appointed us at Jim Ryan.

Follow the money, remember?

Mrs.

Farmer. Trick's mother wants him dead?

Not his mother, his wife, Tiffany Jewell, a .k .a.

Joe Farmer's wife, Mrs. Farmer.

I got a marriage certificate to prove it right here.

Why didn't you tell me you were married?

Never occurred to me.

Stupid idea anyway.

I think it was hers.

Well, maybe your wife hired that goon to kill you.

Nah.

Tiffany was way too into being Mrs.

Rockstar.

Guys, why would she want me dead?

To be a rockstar's widow and get all your money?

Well, yeah, if there was something to inherit.

Do you want to run that by me again?

Ever heard of recoupment?

It's the record company advances me.

recording budget, tour support, $80 ,000 a pop on three videos.

But they ended up throwing away anyway because I didn't look enough like Johnny

Depp.

See, all that comes out of my end.

I still owe Tyrant $2 million.

Yeah, but you sold millions of records.

Your songs are played on the radio all the time.

Yeah, and if I kept my publishing, maybe I might have seen some of that.

Everything's in a truck.

All Tiffany gets is, like, an allowance.

Well, you don't do conspiracy to commit murder for an allowance.

Who owns your publishing rights?

Hello? So, did you and Mitchie Boy have a nice gab fest on the trip home?

I've had better conversations with houseplants.

He didn't happen to tell you who hired him to hit the kid, did he?

Sure. Right after he told me where Jimmy Hoffa was buried.

All right, listen.

I want you to call Tyrant Records.

It's time to bring Trick in.

Hallelujah. There's 20 acres on the north shore of Maui with my name written

over it. Meet us at 4 o 'clock, the usual place. Oh, and bring Gary Butler

you.

He's the only person Trick trusts.

Perfect. He's not here.

My guy said four.

He'll be here at four.

Did I, uh... Did I worry it up in a bad trick?

Been together since he was playing the whiskey.

Fifty bucks and two beers a night.

And you better bring some paying customers in.

Long, strange trip.

I love that kid like blood.

Tell it to Oprah.

If you love me so much, why'd you hire that two -bit Terminator to kill me?

Why did I?

You've been doing crack.

No.

I'm your go -to -jail -card man.

Do not pass go.

Did not collect $200.

Ah, Butler did it. Sorry.

Luthor, please.

So let me ask you, why do you want him dead, huh? He's your client. You already

get the money.

I'm publishing.

What? I get 15 % of the singer, and 100 % don't.

And if there's no more singer...

The songs get all the more valuable.

Sorry, Trix.

Nothing personal.

I think you're a genius.

You're kind of a jerk.

Well, your 15 minutes are up, and I've got condo payments.

Where to?

Your record label?

Your wife?

Drop me at the hospital?

Buddy of mine's in there because of me.

Hey, they let you out?

Yeah. I'm changing my name from Johnny Dead Lakes to Johnny Nine Live.

Trick, got a fig? I told you, man, I quit.

So did you guys figure out how you're going to spend your millions?

Please do not get me started.

What? Well, a tyrant records that since it wasn't a legitimate kidnap, the offer

is retroactively rescinded.

Man, like I told you, barracudas with good tailors.

But they're not going to get away with it because I, too, have lawyers, you

And what I'm going to do is... Take her up. You ready?

Yeah, Marco, I'm ready.

I hope you like this one.

It's yours.

This is October 18th. Joe Farmer, Out of the Black. Take one.

Out of the Black.

Like Vince Black, you know?

Pain is my ocean, crashing like a wave. Some

days I think I'm drowning, nothing left to say. But

today I'm treading water.

I'm treading water.