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♪ ♪
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START THE CLOCK ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
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Bill: THANK YOU.
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HAPPY FRIDAY, HAPPY SUMMER.
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
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WELCOME TO OUR SHOW.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I
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APPRECIATE IT COQUELLE SO MUCH
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TO GET TO, I KNOW YOU'RE
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EXCITED.
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IS THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER AND
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YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THEY'RE
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STILL MARINES HERE IN TOWN.
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[LAUGHTER]
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WHAT?
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AND THEY'VE CHANGED FROM THEIR
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CAMOUFLAGE GREENS TO FLORAL
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KHAKI FOR SUMMER.
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WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?
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I'M NOT SURE.
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I GUESS TO PROTECT THE
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IMMIGRATION AGENTS-- DID YOU
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SEE THIS YESTERDAY?
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THEY TRIED TO PULL OFF A RAID ON
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DODGER STADIUM.
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ONE THING WE WILL NOT STAND FOR
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IN AMERICA, IT IS LATINOS IN
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BASEBALL.
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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AND THE NATIONAL GUARD IS STILL
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HERE.
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LOT OF SECURITY HERE IN L.A.
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AN APPEALS COURT RULED THAT
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TRUMP CAN KEEP THEM HERE PRETTY
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MUCH INDEFINITELY AND I THINK
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THE NATIONAL GUARD, I THINK THE
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HEAD.
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[LAUGHTER]
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I NOTICE BEFORE THEY PUT A RAID
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ON HOME DEPOT, THEY CALL TMZ
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FIRST.
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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TELL THEM THEY ARE COMING.
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THE REALLY BIG NEWS IS THIS IS
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OUR 700 EPISODE.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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I STARTED AS A CHILD OF STAR.
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[LAUGHTER]
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22 YEARS AGO-- BACK THEN, BY
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THE WAY, IF THE ARABS WANTED TO
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SURPRISE THE PRESIDENT WITH A
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PLAN THEY FLEW IT INTO.
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[LAUGHTER]
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I'M JUST SAYING THINGS CHANGED A
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LOT-- MAYBE THEY HAVEN'T
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CHANGED, IT'S STILL ALL ABOUT
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THE MIDDLE EAST, ISN'T IT?
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THERE'S A WAR GOING ON NOW
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BETWEEN IRAN AND ISRAEL AND IT'S
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INTERESTING, IT HAS REALLY SPLIT
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UP A MAGA COALITION, THE TRUMP
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PEOPLE.
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HALF OF THEM WANT TO BOMB IRAN,
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THEY ALWAYS DID.
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AND HALF OF THEM WANT TO STAY
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ALL OUT OF ALL FOREIGN WARS AND
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EVERYBODY JUST SWITCHES THERE
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WAS SOMETHING MORALLY CLEAR CUT
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LIKE DEPORTING 5-YEAR-OLDS.
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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IRONY, THAT'S WHAT WE DO HERE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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YOU KNOW, 22 YEARS.
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TALK ABOUT A CLIFFHANGER.
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WE ARE OFF NOW FOR THE NEXT
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MONTH FOR SUMMER BREAK AND A
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SEASON-ENDING CLIFFHANGER, THIS
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WAR.
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WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO
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HAPPEN.
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NOBODY WANTS IRAN TO GET A
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NUCLEAR WEAPON, AND OF COURSE
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THE ISRAELIS TOOK OUT EVERYTHING
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IN IRAN EXCEPT THE FACILITY THAT
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CAN BUILD A NUCLEAR WEAPON
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BECAUSE IT'S INSIDE A MOUNTAIN!
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LISTEN TO THIS, AMERICA IS THE
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ONLY COUNTRY THAT HAS A BOMB
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THAT CAN REACH IT AND IT WEIGHS
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30,000 POUNDS AND CAN ONLY BE
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FLOWN THERE BY CRUISE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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[APPLAUSE]
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TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE OF A
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CLIFFHANGER, WE CAN'T JUST GIVE
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THE BOMB TO ISRAEL BECAUSE WE
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ALSO ARE THE ONLY COUNTRY THAT
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HAS THE PLANE THAT CAN DELIVER
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THIS FUCKING THING AND THAT'S
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QUITE A PLANE.
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PETE HEGSETH HAS ALREADY GIVEN
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IT A NAME, THE "INOLA STRAIGHT."
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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PETE IS IN HOT WATER DID YOU SEE
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THE PARADE?
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IS IN CHARGE OF THE DEFENSE
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DEPARTMENT AND TRUMP HAD HIS BIG
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MILITARY PARADE LAST SATURDAY
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AND IT WAS KIND OF LAME.
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PETE WAS IN CHARGE.
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WHEN YOU PUT ON THE MILITARY
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PLAYED AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT, THE
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WHOLE POINT IF IT IS TO SCARE
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THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE.
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MORE AMERICANS WERE FRIGHTENED
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BY KENDRICK LAMAR'S SUPER BOWL
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HALFTIME SHOW.
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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LISTEN TO THIS-- YESTERDAY WAS
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JUNETEENTH, RIGHT?
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[APPLAUSE]
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SO TRUMP, PRESIDENT TRUMP
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TWEETED OR TRUTH OR WHATEVER HE
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DOES ON THE PHONE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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HERE WAS HIS COMMENTS.
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"THERE ARE TOO MANY NONWORKING
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HOLIDAYS IN AMERICA.
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NOW STOP HONORING THE END OF
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SLAVERY AND GET BACK TO WORK.
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"
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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HE ONCE CALLED HIMSELF THE
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"LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THE
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WORLD."
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I'VE GOT TO SAY THE RUNNER UP
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GUIDE MUST BE A DOOZY.
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IT ALL BALANCES OUT BECAUSE THE
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TRUMP FAMILY PROPRIETORS OF SHIT
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COINED CRYPTOCURRENCY, BIBLES
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THEY SELL, WATCHES AND MAIL
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ORDER MEET-- THIS WEEK THEY
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ANNOUNCED THEY ARE SELLING A
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GOLD CELL PHONE.
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I'VE NEVER SEEN A PRESIDENCY
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WITH MORE COMMERCIALS, I'M JUST
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GOING TO SAY THAT.
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[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
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IF YOU'D LIKE TO YOU CAN ORDER
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THIS PHONE NOW, OPERATORS ARE
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STANDING BY, ALL SALES ARE FINA
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FINAL.
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YOU CAN'T GET IT BECAUSE IT
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DOESN'T EXIST, WHEN YOU GO TO
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THE WEBSITE THEY JUST HAVE A
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DRAWING OF A PHONE.
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THEY DON'T HAVE A PHONE, THEY
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HAVE CONCEPTS OF A PHONE.
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WHEN PT BARNUM SOLD TICKETS TO
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SEE THE BEARDED LADY, AT LEAST
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THERE WAS A BEARDED LADY.
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[LAUGHTER]
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OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
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[APPLAUSE]
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WE HAVE
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CONGRESSMAN WESLEY HUNT AND PUAL
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BEGALA ARE HERE, BUT FIRST...
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HE'S A PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING
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COLUMNIST WHOSE NEW BOOK IS
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CALLED "CLASS CLOWN: THE MEMOIRS
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OF A PROFESSIONAL WISE-ASS HOW I
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WENT 77 YEARS WITHOUT GROWING
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UP": DAVE BARRY.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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HOW ARE YOU, GREAT TO SEE YOU.
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IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
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YOU ALWAYS LOOK THE SAME, 77
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YEARS OLD AND YOU STILL HAVE THE
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DENNIS THE MENACE HAIRCUT.
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THEY WORKED ON THIS
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BACKSTAGE.
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Bill: THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
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I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING
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STRAIGHT BACK--
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Bill: DON'T.
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YOU'VE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT
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USING BANGS?
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Bill: ME?
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BANGS?
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YOU WOULD HAVE NO CREDIBILITY
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AT ALL.
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Bill: WEIRD IS DIFFERENT
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DUDES.
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THAT WORKS FOR YOU, IT WOULDN'T
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WORK FOR ME.
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I DON'T KNOW IF IT REALLY
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WORKS FOR ME, I THINK MY WIFE
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REVEALED TO ME 13 SOMETHING
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YEARS THE OTHER DAY SHE WOULD
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LIKE IT BETTER IF I SLICKED IT
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STRAIGHT BACK LIKE YOU.
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SHE DIDN'T USE YOUR NAME, BUT
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SHE DID SORT OF SAY THAT.
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Bill: I GOT TO TELL YOU,
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THE FACT THAT YOU WROTE A
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MEMOIR, THIS IS GOOD NEWS FOR
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ALL OF US WHO HAVE ENJOYED YOUR
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WRITING SO MUCH.
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[APPLAUSE]
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THANK YOU, IT WAS SO MUCH
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FUN.
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Bill: YOU WROTE ABOUT
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EVERYTHING ELSE YOUR WHOLE LIFE,
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YOU WROTE ABOUT A GUY WHO
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MARRIED AN ALLIGATOR, WHATEVER
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THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN
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FLORIDA.
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THIS IS ABOUT YOU, I'VE GOT TO
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ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION I
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ASKED A FEW PEOPLE WITH MEMOIRS
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OF A CERTAIN AGE-- BARRY DILLER
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WAS HERE RECENTLY-- WHEN YOU'RE
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77 TO WRITE A MEMOIR, THIS IS
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WHY I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
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DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I'M SAYING MY
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LIFE IS OVER?
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BUT IT IS.
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[LAUGHTER]
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[APPLAUSE]
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77 IS NOT THE NEW 74.
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IT IS OLD AND YOU CAN'T PRETEND
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IT'S NOT OLD, YOU KNOW?
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ONE AM I GOING TO WRITE IF, WHEN
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I'M DEAD THE?
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Bill: YOU COULD NOT READ IT
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AT ALL, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING,
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I'M ALWAYS ABOUT TOMORROW BUT
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WHEN I LOOK BACK, YOUR LIFE,
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WHAT A LIFE.
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YOU'RE A GUY-- IT'S MORE THAN A
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HUMORIST.
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WHEN YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD WHAT YOU
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MAKE PEOPLE DO AND ME, THAT'S A
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COMIC.
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A COMIC WHO IS WON A
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PULITZER PRIZE--
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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HAD A SITCOM ABOUT HIM THAT WAS
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ON FOR QUITE A WHILE WITH HARRY
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ANDERSON AS YOU AND HAS BEEN IN
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A BAND WITH STEPHEN KING FOR
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YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
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BUT NOT A GOOD BAND.
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[LAUGHTER]
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WE PLAY OUR GENRE, WE CALL IT
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HARD LISTENING MUSIC.
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[LAUGHTER]
264
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,363
[APPLAUSE]
265
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,365
I SHOULD STRESS THERE'S A LOT OF
266
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,599
GOOD AUTHORS IN THE BAND,
267
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,103
STEPHEN KING, AMY TAN-- WE
268
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:39,270
RAISE MONEY FOR CHARITIES BUT NO
269
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,574
CHARITY EVER ASKS US TO COME
270
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:46,611
BACK.
271
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:46,878
[LAUGHTER]
272
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,046
Bill: ONE THING I LOVE
273
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,881
READING ABOUT IN YOUR BOOK, BITS
274
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:50,915
OF YOUR LIFE WOULD COME THROUGH
275
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:52,117
IN YOUR COLUMNS BUT THIS IS
276
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:54,252
ABOUT YOUR LIFE, I NEVER KNEW
277
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:58,423
THAT MUCH ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.
278
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,892
ANYBODY OUR AGE, I'M ALMOST 70,
279
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,460
OUR CHILDHOODS WERE SO
280
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:03,361
INTERCHANGEABLE.
281
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,462
I FEEL IT THAT'S SOMETHING KIDS
282
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:06,464
TODAY DON'T HAVE.
283
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:10,035
YOU GREW UP IN ARMONK NEW YORK,
284
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,872
SO DID I, EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T.
285
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:14,839
BUT WE DID.
286
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,374
YOUR HOUSE WAS MY HOUSE, I'M
287
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:17,675
SURE IT WAS.
288
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:20,478
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WHITE
289
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:23,448
KIDS-- WAS YOUR TOWN ALL WHITE?
290
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:23,715
YES.
291
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:24,983
Bill: SO WAS MINE, THIS IS
292
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:26,684
THE EAST COAST, THIS ISN'T
293
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,952
ALABAMA, THESE ARE THE LIBERALS
294
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:31,823
OF THE DAY, SO DON'T GET TO
295
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:33,591
SNOOTY'S ABOUT THAT.
296
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:34,826
WE WERE THE GOOD WHITE
297
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,327
PEOPLE.
298
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:36,861
[LAUGHTER]
299
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,597
Bill: YOU WENT TO A
300
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:40,031
HIGH SCHOOL CALLED
301
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,467
"PLEASANTVILLE."
302
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:45,103
B SODA DIE, EVEN
303
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,304
THOUGH I WASN'T.
304
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,506
WERE YOU ELECTED CLASS CLOWN?
305
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:51,910
Bill: I WAS MORE THE CLASS
306
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:54,312
WENT, CLASS CLOWN WOULD THROW
307
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:55,213
SPITBALLS.
308
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,416
NO, NO, I WAS A WISE ASS.
309
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:01,419
Bill: DID YOU DO ANYTHING
310
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:02,353
PHYSICAL?
311
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:02,654
NEVER.
312
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:06,458
Bill: THEN YOU WERE A WIT.
313
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,093
I GOT TOLD MORE THAN ONCE
314
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:09,427
THAT'S VERY FUNNY BUT YOU CAN'T
315
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:10,929
JOKE YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE WHICH
316
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:16,468
TURNS OUT TO BE INACCURATE.
317
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:16,968
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
318
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:22,240
Bill: VERY INACCURATE.
319
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,409
ONCE YOU CAUGHT ON WITH THE
320
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:24,976
NEWSPAPER-- THAT'S ANOTHER
321
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:28,046
THING THAT'S SO GREAT WHEN I WAS
322
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:28,580
REMEMBERING THAT ERA WHEN
323
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,782
NEWSPAPERS WERE KING.
324
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:31,716
KIDS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A
325
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,819
NEWSPAPER IS?
326
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,988
THEY GET THEIR NEWS ON TIKTOK
327
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:37,255
NOW.
328
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,324
WE ARE TALKING AT THE HEYDAY,
329
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,093
THE 80s AND 90s.
330
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:46,464
IS IT JUST ME OR WAS TIME REALLY
331
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:49,901
A LOT GENTLER THAN IT IS NOW?
332
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:52,070
MUCH.
333
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:52,804
EVERYBODY HAS GOTTEN MORE
334
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:57,475
VICIOUS, EVERYBODY HAS GOTTEN
335
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,610
MORE DETERMINED TO SAVAGE THE
336
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,147
OTHER SIDE AND THE DAYS-- GUYS
337
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:07,418
LIKE BART BUCHWALD WAS A LITTLED
338
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,120
HUMORIST AND JOHNNY CARSON-- WE
339
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,488
SOUND LIKE OLD FARTS BUT IT'S
340
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:12,023
TRUE, THEY WERE LAUGHING AT
341
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:12,924
BOTH, EVERYBODY.
342
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,325
EVERYBODY LAUGHED AND PEOPLE
343
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:15,426
THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF LAUGHED
344
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:16,694
AT AND IT WASN'T LIKE YOU SCORED
345
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,364
POINTS AGAINST THE WRONG TEAM.
346
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:19,731
WE'VE LOST THAT.
347
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:23,168
Bill: I DON'T REMEMBER
348
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:24,435
ANYBODY USING THE WORD
349
00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:25,003
EXISTENTIAL ABOUT THE OTHER
350
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,505
SIDE.
351
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:28,339
HOW MANY ACCIDENTAL CRISES
352
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:32,877
HAVE WE BEEN IN?
353
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,113
Bill: WE SPENT TO GO WHOLE
354
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,348
OBSESSING ABOUT CLINTON'S
355
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:41,252
BLOW JOB .
356
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,788
GOOD TIMES!
357
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,524
[LAUGHTER]
358
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:53,831
I MISS THOSE BLOW JOBS !
359
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,832
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
360
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:56,000
THAT'S THE BIGGEST ROUND OF
361
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,102
APPLAUSE WE'VE GOTTEN SO FAR IS
362
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:58,703
FOR BLOW JOBS .
363
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,071
Bill: MAY BE A FEW SLICKED
364
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,073
BACK YOUR HAIR YOU WOULD START
365
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,509
GETTING THEM AGAIN.
366
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,043
[LAUGHTER]
367
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,444
YOU STOP TO THE WEEKLY COLUMN 20
368
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:10,748
YEARS AGO?
369
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:11,015
2005.
370
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,283
Bill: IT IS A DEMANDING
371
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:15,186
MISTRESS AS IS A TV SHOW.
372
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,621
IT'S A MISTRESS I LOVE--
373
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:19,023
WE DIDN'T GET HIATUS FOR 14
374
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,892
WEEKS.
375
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,828
Bill: NOT 14 WEEKS, WE WILL
376
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:26,364
BE BACK AUGUST 1ST.
377
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:31,436
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
378
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,504
BUT YOU MUST MISS IT ON SOME
379
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:34,472
LEVEL.
380
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,673
I DID, I STARTED WRITING A
381
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:40,178
SUB STACK AS DID EVERY OTHER
382
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,045
JOURNALIST IN THE FREE WORLD BUT
383
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,448
I WAS GLAD TO GET OUT OF THE RAT
384
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,650
RACE FOR AT LEAST A WHILE.
385
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:48,453
Bill: WHAT ABOUT RUNNING?
386
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,988
YOU RAN AS A LIBERTARIAN.
387
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,789
I RAN FOR PRESIDENT MULTIPLE
388
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:52,490
TIMES AND IT USED TO BE
389
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:53,992
CONSIDERED KIND OF A JOKE BUT
390
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,427
NOT SO MUCH ANYMORE.
391
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,629
[LAUGHTER]
392
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:58,730
I'M THINKING I'M LOOKING PRETTY
393
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,598
GOOD RIGHT NOW, I THINK I HAVE A
394
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:06,771
GENUINE SHOT NEXT TIME AROUND.
395
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,840
[APPLAUSE]
396
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:11,009
THANK YOU.
397
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:11,309
BLOW JOBS !
398
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:11,876
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
399
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:12,877
I'M A NATURAL.
400
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,613
Bill: YOU'RE ONLY 77,
401
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:17,682
JOE BIDEN PROVED AGE DOESN'T
402
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,417
MATTER.
403
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,052
DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL!
404
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:22,020
Bill: WHAT ELSE?
405
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,521
YOU GOT TO LOOK FORWARD IN LIFE,
406
00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:27,625
PODCASTING MAY BE?
407
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:28,793
NO, I'M DOING A SUB STACK
408
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:29,327
WHICH IS THE OTHER THING
409
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,663
EVERYBODY IS DOING.
410
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,097
AND THIS SHOW, THIS IS PRETTY
411
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,501
MUCH THE HIGHLIGHT FOR ME.
412
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:37,068
[LAUGHTER]
413
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:37,935
Bill: WHY NOT PODCASTING?
414
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:40,571
YOU SEEM LIKE YOU WOULD BE A
415
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:41,639
NATURAL.
416
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,840
BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE TALK AND
417
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,108
I BETTER WHEN I'M SITTING DOWN
418
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,811
COMING UP WITH JOKES THAN I
419
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,279
AM-- WELL IF YOU'RE ASKING THE
420
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:48,913
QUESTIONS IT'S OKAY BUT IF I HAD
421
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:50,648
TO THINK OF WHAT TO SAY?
422
00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:52,216
Bill: LOOK AT ALL THE
423
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,752
FUCKING LAUGHS YOU GOT HERE
424
00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:58,022
TODAY.
425
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:58,489
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
426
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,692
WHATEVER YOU DO, I WILL REMAIN
427
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:01,759
YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
428
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,295
I APPRECIATED, DAVE BARRY
429
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,330
EVERYBODY.
430
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:10,702
THANK YOU, DAVE, LET'S MAKE OURM
431
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,937
I COULD MEET OUR PANEL!
432
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:13,204
[APPLAUSE]
433
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:13,671
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
434
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,340
♪ ♪
435
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:15,973
HE'S A DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST AND
436
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:16,607
CNN POLITICAL CONTRIBUTOR: PAUL
437
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,776
BEGALA.
438
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:21,779
BACK WITH US!
439
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,247
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN
440
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:23,848
REPRESENTING THE 38TH DISTRICT
441
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:30,555
OF TEXAS: WESLEY HUNT.
442
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:30,822
[APPLAUSE]
443
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,026
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
444
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,160
I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE A BIG LEAD
445
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,762
IN QUESTION TODAY I'M JUST GOING
446
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:39,831
TO SAY WE ARE THINKING ABOUT
447
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,699
BOMBING IRAN, THINK ABOUT
448
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:42,367
JOINING THAT WAR.
449
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:43,835
THE REPUBLICANS ARE SPLIT OVER
450
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,936
IT, YOU CAN IMAGINE WITH THE
451
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,938
REST OF THE COUNTRY IS BUT JUST
452
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:50,274
GET A "YES" OR "NO" ANSWER, NO
453
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:52,610
SCREWING AROUND, SHOULD AMERICA
454
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:53,578
BOMB THE NUCLEAR FACILITY IN
455
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:57,115
IRAN OR NOT?
456
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,416
WE HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE
457
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,786
DEBATE THAN THAT.
458
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,155
Bill: TRUMP SAYS HE'S
459
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:05,189
SPENDING TWO WEEKS, IT'S ALWAYS
460
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,424
TO GO WEEKS, THINKING ABOUT IT
461
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:14,799
FOR TWO WEEKS.
462
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:15,433
BUT HE SAYS HE'S ALSO DEMANDING
463
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,067
UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER, COME
464
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:16,234
ON.
465
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:16,834
THIS IS WHAT WE ARE DECIDING,
466
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:18,202
SHOULD WE BOMB IRAN, SHOULD WE
467
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,637
GET INVOLVED ON ISRAEL'S SIDE
468
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,839
HE'S ALREADY USING THE WORD
469
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,009
"WE"-- WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SO
470
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,077
FAR.
471
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,078
SHOULD WE GET INVOLVED.
472
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,045
WHERE THE ONLY ONES WITH THE
473
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:29,380
BOMB, THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO
474
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,618
IT, YES OR NO?
475
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:37,622
LET ME GET TO THIS ECHO.
476
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:38,623
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
477
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,957
THIS IS A MORE ROBUST
478
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:40,291
CONVERSATION.
479
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:41,125
WHAT I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT
480
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,360
THE DIFFERENCE IN THE REPUBLICAN
481
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,763
PARTY THAT WE HAD 30 YEARS AGO.
482
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,064
WE WOULD ALREADY HAVE BOOTS ON
483
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:50,468
THE GROUND IN IRAN.
484
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:51,602
AT THE END OF THE DAY I WANT
485
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:57,475
PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND HOW FAR WE
486
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,811
HAVE COME AS A PARTY.
487
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,112
PRESIDENT TRUMP ONCE THE ABRAHAM
488
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,480
ACCORDS, HE HAS SAID REPEATEDLY
489
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,615
IRAN SHOULD NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR
490
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,184
WEAPON AND PRESIDENT TRUMP DOES
491
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,286
NOT WANT TO PUT BOOTS ON THE
492
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:08,853
GROUND.
493
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:09,487
Bill: EVERYONE AGREES WITH
494
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:12,023
ALL THAT.
495
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,257
60 DAYS AGO HE GAVE THE
496
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,625
AYATOLLAH WARNING HE SAID YOU
497
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,260
HAVE 60 DAYS TO WRAP THIS UP IF
498
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,463
YOU DON'T YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY
499
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:19,597
STUPID GAMES AND WIN STUPID
500
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:19,831
PRICES.
501
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,966
Bill: WE KNOW HOW WELL THAT
502
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:22,867
WORKED WITH PUTIN.
503
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,970
WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH AL
504
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:29,474
BAGHDADI-- IMAGINE WAKING UP
505
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,441
EVERY DAY WONDERING IF YOU'RE
506
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,242
GOING TO EAT A MISSAL FOR
507
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:31,676
BREAKFAST.
508
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:32,577
THIS IS HOW THIS MAN NEGOTIATES
509
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,412
AND WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH
510
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,714
RIGHT NOW IT, IT'S A NEGOTIATING
511
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:37,181
TACTIC TO GET PEACE.
512
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,783
NO BOOTS ON THE GROUND AND YOU
513
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,019
CAN'T HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON LIKE
514
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:42,553
DENZEL WASHINGTON SAID IN
515
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:43,554
TRAINING DAY, DO YOU WANT TO GO
516
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:46,090
HOME OR DO YOU WANT TO GO TO
517
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:48,526
JAIL?
518
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:48,793
[APPLAUSE]
519
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,296
Bill: ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU
520
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:56,501
GET THIS SEASON'S FOR BEST
521
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,935
AVOIDANCE.
522
00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:04,075
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
523
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,710
I ADVISED THE PRESIDENT AND
524
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,144
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WITH
525
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:08,012
PRESIDENTS ISN'T THE ANSWERS
526
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,714
COME IT'S THE QUESTIONS, THE
527
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:10,882
FIRST QUESTION IS SHOULD WE--
528
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,617
WE DON'T WANT IRAN TO HAVE A
529
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,218
NUCLEAR WEAPON BUT HAVE WE
530
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,319
EXHAUSTED EVERY MILITARY OPTION
531
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,888
WAS MIKE I THINK THAT IS NO BUT
532
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,222
I'M NOT PRIVY TO ALL THE INTEL.
533
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:22,760
WILLIS BOB WORK DONE AT THE MIKE
534
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:27,665
BOMB WORK PROBABLY BUT THERE ARE
535
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,767
SOME WHO SAY--
536
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:30,401
Bill: NO ONE KNOWS, IT'S A
537
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:30,968
MOUNTAIN, WE ARE ATTACKING A
538
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:31,869
MOUNTAIN.
539
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:32,703
THIS IS THE QUESTION THE
540
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,072
PRESIDENT HAS TO ASK AND I KNOW
541
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:36,274
HE'S WATCHING.
542
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:37,975
ASK YOUR TEAM WHAT HAPPENS THE
543
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,443
DAY AFTER, THAT'S THE QUESTION
544
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,279
THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO ASK WHAT
545
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,748
HAPPENS THE DAY AFTER AND ARE WE
546
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,016
READY?
547
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,218
I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT IS NO.
548
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:49,153
WHY?
549
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:50,454
THIS PRESIDENT HAS DIVERTED
550
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:51,989
RESOURCES AWAY FROM INTELLIGENCE
551
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,157
AWAY FROM COUNTERTERRORISM COME
552
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,458
AWAY FROM HOMELAND SECURITY AND
553
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:56,027
HOLD TOWARD DEPORTATIONS.
554
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,295
HE THINKS THE GREATEST THREAT TO
555
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,865
AMERICA IS A GUY WITH A LEAF
556
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,600
BLOWER IN ENCINO, NOT A GUY WITH
557
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,135
A SUICIDE VEST IN MANHATTAN, WE
558
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,404
ARE NOT READY FOR THIS
559
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:08,039
MILITARILY.
560
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,607
I DISAGREE ON THIS, AS
561
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,409
SOMEBODY WHO WAS FOUGHT IN WARS
562
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,977
AS A SOMEBODY A WEST POINT GRAD,
563
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:15,146
MY BROTHER AND SISTER ARE ALSO
564
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,614
WEST POINT GRADUATES, SIX YEARS
565
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:17,481
OF MILITARY SERVICE IN MY
566
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,883
FAMILY, WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL
567
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:19,850
HOW WE HANDLE THIS.
568
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:21,586
WE HAVE TO MEASURE ONCE AND CUT
569
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:22,253
TWICE.
570
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,087
IF WE DON'T HANDLE THIS RIGHT WE
571
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:24,989
ARE GOING TO END UP PUTTING
572
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,190
BOOTS ON THE GROUND AND THIS IS
573
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:27,825
WHAT PRESIDENT TRUMP RAN ON FOR
574
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,260
DECADES, HE IS SAYING WE SHOULD
575
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,462
NOT BE PUTTING OUR SOLDIERS AT
576
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,563
RISK UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY
577
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:32,863
NECESSARY.
578
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,865
THAT'S WHY THIS CAN'T BE A
579
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:36,067
BINARY CONVERSATION.
580
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,301
Bill: A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD
581
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,737
SAY AROUND GETTING A BOMB IS AS
582
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:42,873
NECESSARY AS IT GETS.
583
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:43,941
EVEN THE DAY THE PRESIDENT
584
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:44,542
WAS ASKED YOUR INTELLIGENCE
585
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,043
TEAMS AS ARE NOT VERY CLOSE TO
586
00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:47,812
GETTING A BOMB AND HE SAID I
587
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:48,579
DON'T BELIEVE THEM.
588
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,014
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE YOUR OWN
589
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,050
INTELLIGENCE TEAM, GET A NEW
590
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:55,786
ONE.
591
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:56,153
[APPLAUSE]
592
00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:57,421
WE SPEND BILLIONS AND BILLIONS
593
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,390
OF DOLLARS TO TRY TO GIVE THAT
594
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:00,024
MAN THAT ANSWER.
595
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:02,827
HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO TAKE TWO
596
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,228
WEEKS, I LIKE THAT.
597
00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:05,396
I WOULD RATHER TAKE TWO WEEKS
598
00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:07,465
AND THINK IT THROUGH BUT WHO IS
599
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:09,033
HE TALKING TO?
600
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,135
AT LEAST IN THE FIRST TERM HE
601
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,304
HAD GENERAL McMASTER,
602
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,272
GENERAL KELLY, HE HAD
603
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:16,273
GENERAL MATTIS, HE HAD THAT
604
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:17,041
SERIOUS NATIONAL SECURITY
605
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:17,908
PROFESSIONALS.
606
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:19,877
HE HAD SERIOUS PEOPLE WITH HIM.
607
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,646
THIS TEAM?
608
00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:22,847
ARE YOU KIDDING?
609
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,582
IKEA HAS BETTER CABINETS THAN
610
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,116
TRUMP DOES.
611
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,684
Bill: I THINK HE'S TALKING
612
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,119
TO FOUR PEOPLE, ONE OF THEM IS
613
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,754
THE HEAD OF THE JOINT CHIEFS I
614
00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:31,489
ASSUME HE'S FAIRLY SERIOUS, ONE
615
00:21:31,490 --> 00:21:33,491
OF THEM AS JOHN RATCLIFFE, HE'S
616
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,760
NOT SERIOUS?
617
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:37,895
NOT TERRIBLY.
618
00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:40,798
FORMER CONGRESSMAN FROM TEXAS I
619
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:41,832
LOVE FORMER CONGRESSMAN FROM
620
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:42,767
TEXAS.
621
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:43,501
GOOD LOOKING OUT TO.
622
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:47,705
HE DID CUT OUT PETE HEGSETH AND
623
00:21:47,706 --> 00:21:49,006
TULSI GABBARD.
624
00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:55,312
THE CHILDREN ARE OUT--
625
00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:56,047
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
626
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,315
SO WHY HAVE THEM, WHY HAVE A
627
00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:58,749
DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL
628
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,017
INTELLIGENCE YOU DON'T LISTEN
629
00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:01,752
TO, WHY HAVE A PENTAGON CHIEF
630
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:03,220
YOU DON'T TALK TO?
631
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:08,793
Bill: CASTING.
632
00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:12,163
WE ARE FORGETTING ONE THING,
633
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:12,830
PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS PRESENT
634
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:14,098
BEFORE AND WE DIDN'T HAVE AN
635
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:16,033
ISSUE WITH IRAN AND THE REASON
636
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:16,801
WHY IS BECAUSE IRAN WAS BROKEN
637
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:20,104
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH AMERICAN
638
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:22,039
ENERGY, CONTINUE TO FIGHT WARS
639
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,808
AGAINST OUR ENEMIES BY ENSURING
640
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,009
OUR ALLIES HAVE THE ENERGY FROM
641
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,412
US MADE IN THIS COUNTRY ARE
642
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:30,648
CALVIN THIS IS HOW WE HAVE TO
643
00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:31,182
FIGHT WARS IN THE FUTURE.
644
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,450
THE REASON WHY HE CAN SAY IS
645
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:35,853
BECAUSE HE'S DONE THIS FOR FOUR
646
00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:36,187
YEARS ALREADY.
647
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,788
Bill: I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM,
648
00:22:37,789 --> 00:22:39,657
LET ME SAY ONE THING ABOUT THIS
649
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:40,925
IN DEFENSE OF HIM WHICH IS HE IS
650
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:42,159
HARDLY THE FIRST PERSON TO CUT
651
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,829
OUT PEOPLE IN HIS OWN CABINET.
652
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:45,863
PRESIDENTS HAVE DONE THIS
653
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:46,363
BEFORE.
654
00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:47,631
THEY LOSE FAITH AND YOU DON'T
655
00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:49,033
GET IN THE ROOM EVEN THOUGH YOU
656
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,736
HAVE A BIG TITLE.
657
00:22:51,737 --> 00:22:55,673
PRESIDENTS HAVE THEIR KITCHEN
658
00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:56,807
CABINETS.
659
00:22:56,808 --> 00:22:57,441
HE'S FIRED DEFENSE
660
00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:59,643
SECRETARY'S IN THE FIRST YEAR,
661
00:22:59,644 --> 00:23:00,878
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
662
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,313
Bill: IT'S A SHIT SHOW, IT
663
00:23:02,314 --> 00:23:06,217
ALWAYS IS.
664
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,018
WE ARE PUTTING OUR LIVES IN
665
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:10,221
THE HANDS OF PETE HEGSETH AND
666
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,590
DEPORTATION BARBIE AND
667
00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:13,257
TULSI GABBARD.
668
00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:19,830
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
669
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:21,031
Bill: OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN
670
00:23:21,032 --> 00:23:22,299
CONGRESS I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE
671
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:24,268
WHO WAS MOST ALWAYS BACKING
672
00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:28,372
WHATEVER TRUMP DOES.
673
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:29,807
WITH THIS DECISION ABOUT IRAN,
674
00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:33,244
ISN'T PREDICATED ON HOW YOU FEEL
675
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:33,544
ABOUT TRUMP?
676
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:34,545
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS SPLIT
677
00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:38,282
ABOUT THIS, TED CRUZ AND
678
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:38,916
TUCKER CARLSON WHO USUALLY WOULD
679
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:42,920
BE AGREEING ON EVERYTHING, HAD A
680
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:43,554
REAL HOUSEWIVES FIGHT THE OTHER
681
00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:45,456
DAY.
682
00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:47,525
[LAUGHTER]
683
00:23:47,526 --> 00:23:50,161
ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE
684
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,862
TUCKER CARLSON IS ON A SIDE YOU
685
00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:53,230
ARE EXPRESSING FOR ABOUT A
686
00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:54,231
REPUBLICANS LOVE TRUMP BECAUSE
687
00:23:54,232 --> 00:23:56,433
HE IS LIKE WE DON'T GET INVOLVED
688
00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:57,401
WITH FOREIGNERS.
689
00:23:57,402 --> 00:23:59,670
THAT'S NOT US, AMERICA FIRST AND
690
00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:00,437
THEN THERE'S A LOT OF
691
00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:01,739
REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE OH, NO, WE
692
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:06,977
GOT TO BOMB IRAN BECAUSE THAT'S
693
00:24:06,978 --> 00:24:07,812
THE ENEMY OF ISRAEL AND ISRAEL
694
00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:09,747
IS WHERE YOU KNOW WHO WAS GOING
695
00:24:09,748 --> 00:24:17,955
TO COMPACT THE FIFTH.
696
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:18,389
COME BACK TO EARTH.
697
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:19,957
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A
698
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,592
POLITICAL PARTY AND OCCULT.
699
00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:23,561
CULTS ARE WHAT THE PERSON
700
00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:24,795
DOESN'T PARTIES ARE ABOUT IDEAS.
701
00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:27,731
I'M GOING TO MAKE MY DECISION
702
00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:28,365
BASED ON IDEAS I FEEL LIKE SOME
703
00:24:28,366 --> 00:24:31,836
PEOPLE DO IT JUST BY THE PERSON.
704
00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:32,603
WHATEVER TRUMP DOES YOU'RE GOING
705
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:35,973
TO GO ALONG WITH.
706
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:37,408
WE CERTAINLY DISAGREE, BUT
707
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:39,376
WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS A HEALTHY
708
00:24:39,377 --> 00:24:40,578
DEBATE TO YOUR PREVIOUS
709
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:42,246
QUESTION, YOU'RE SEEING A
710
00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:43,781
HEALTHY DEBATE BETWEEN TWO
711
00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:44,448
PIECES OF OUR PARTY AND I THINK
712
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:47,585
IT'S A GOOD THING.
713
00:24:47,586 --> 00:24:48,018
I'M IN THE HOUSE OF
714
00:24:48,019 --> 00:24:49,553
REPRESENTATIVES AND IN THE
715
00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:50,187
COURSE OF THE PAST 20 YEARS THE
716
00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:51,989
DEMOCRATS HAVE HAD ONE SPEAKER
717
00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:56,560
OF THE HOUSE, NANCY PELOSI AND
718
00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:57,194
HAKEEM JEFFRIES, PEOPLE IN OUR
719
00:24:57,195 --> 00:24:57,595
PARTY WILL DEBATE.
720
00:24:57,596 --> 00:25:00,464
WE WILL LOOK AT A PERSON AND SAY
721
00:25:00,465 --> 00:25:01,332
WE DON'T LIKE THIS AND HAVE A
722
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:04,568
HEALTHY DEBATE-- HAVING ONE
723
00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:05,569
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE FOR 20
724
00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:06,770
YEARS IS SOMETHING ELSE.
725
00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:08,839
YOU ARE SEEING THIS OPEN UP IN
726
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,407
OUR PARTY AGAIN.
727
00:25:10,408 --> 00:25:12,309
TWO FACTIONS, TWO PIECES OF THE
728
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:14,178
PARTY THAT CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER
729
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:14,879
IMMENSELY, TALK ABOUT OF THEM
730
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,380
WITH THE PRESIDENT TO MAKE THE
731
00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:17,815
ULTIMATE CHOICE.
732
00:25:17,816 --> 00:25:19,216
Bill: WAS THE FACT HE HAD
733
00:25:19,217 --> 00:25:20,084
AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT AND
734
00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:23,053
SURVIVED IT-- I'VE HEARD IDIOTS
735
00:25:23,054 --> 00:25:24,521
ON THE LEFT SAY TO ME YOU KNOW
736
00:25:24,522 --> 00:25:26,557
THAT WAS STAGED.
737
00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:28,959
IT WAS NOT STAGED.
738
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,094
THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS BECAUSE
739
00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:33,597
THE GUY BEHIND HIM GOT SHOT AND
740
00:25:33,598 --> 00:25:34,798
WE DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT
741
00:25:34,799 --> 00:25:37,234
GUY ANYMORE, BUT ANYWAY.
742
00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:39,703
THEY DID TRY TO SHOOT HIM AND HE
743
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,171
DID SURVIVE AND I KNOW A LOT OF
744
00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:43,040
REPUBLICANS THINK THAT IS
745
00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:44,975
DETERMINED OF, THEY THINK GOD
746
00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:45,876
SAVED HIM AND THEREFORE HE
747
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,044
CANNOT MAKE A WRONG MOVE, IS
748
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:49,179
THAT WHAT YOU BELIEVE?
749
00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:53,183
IT WASN'T JUST THAT, YOU GUYS
750
00:25:53,184 --> 00:25:55,052
HAD A REALLY BAD CANDIDATE AND
751
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:55,386
KAMALA HARRIS.
752
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,021
THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
753
00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,589
UNDEMOCRATIC THINGS I'VE EVER
754
00:25:58,590 --> 00:25:58,789
SEEN.
755
00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:01,392
YOU TOOK JOE BIDEN AND PUT HIM
756
00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:02,960
IN A ROOM, PUT ON GOLDEN GIRLS
757
00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:04,395
AND GAVE HIM SOME ICE CREAM BY
758
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,363
THE TIME HE WALKED OUT HE WAS NO
759
00:26:06,364 --> 00:26:07,231
LONGER RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT HE
760
00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:09,400
HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON.
761
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,668
WHEN YOU COMBINE THAT WITH A
762
00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:12,636
CANDIDATE NOT A SICKLE DEMOCRAT
763
00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:13,904
VOTED FOR IN THE PRIMARY IT
764
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,039
CREATED A DISASTER.
765
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,674
THAT'S ANOTHER BIG REASON WHY
766
00:26:16,675 --> 00:26:17,808
PRESIDENT TRUMP ONE, THE
767
00:26:17,809 --> 00:26:19,076
DEMOCRATIC PARTY LOST FAITH IN
768
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:20,110
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY
769
00:26:20,111 --> 00:26:21,679
BROKE THE PROCESS IN ORDER TO
770
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,247
GET THE RIGHT CANDIDATE TO RUN
771
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,582
FOR PRESIDENT.
772
00:26:25,583 --> 00:26:27,017
I WANT TO COME BACK TO THE
773
00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:27,785
POINT YOU MADE ABOUT CULT OF
774
00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:28,352
PERSONALITY BECAUSE I THINK
775
00:26:28,353 --> 00:26:31,021
YOU'RE RIGHT.
776
00:26:31,022 --> 00:26:32,222
DONALD TRUMP WAS THE MOST
777
00:26:32,223 --> 00:26:33,757
AGAINST TIKTOK BUT I THOUGHT
778
00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:35,592
HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
779
00:26:35,593 --> 00:26:36,360
TIKTOK'S CHINESE COMMUNIST I
780
00:26:36,361 --> 00:26:39,229
DON'T LIKE IT.
781
00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,065
HE WAS AGAINST IT AND EVERY MAGA
782
00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:42,967
GUY I KNEW WAS AGAINST IT THEN
783
00:26:42,968 --> 00:26:44,201
HE MET WITH A TIKTOK BILLIONAIRE
784
00:26:44,202 --> 00:26:46,704
AND THEY ARE ALL FOR IT NOW.
785
00:26:46,705 --> 00:26:48,572
THEY ARE STILL CHINESE
786
00:26:48,573 --> 00:26:49,239
COMMUNIST.
787
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,975
HE WILL WIN COME A WHATEVER SITE
788
00:26:50,976 --> 00:26:52,376
HE CHOOSES, HIS TEAM, HIS FACE
789
00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:55,679
WILL COME ALONG WITH HIM.
790
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:56,814
HE'S ALSO IN CHARGE, WE HAVE
791
00:26:56,815 --> 00:26:58,315
A LEADER IN OUR PARTY, WHOSE
792
00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:04,621
LEADER IN YOUR PARTY?
793
00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:06,023
WE HAVE SOMEBODY WHO IS ABSENTLY
794
00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:07,157
THE LEADER OF THE PARTY IT IS
795
00:27:07,158 --> 00:27:08,559
DONALD TRUMP AND WE ARE BEHIND
796
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,527
HIM, WHO WAS YOUR LEADER,
797
00:27:10,528 --> 00:27:12,396
BERNIE SANDERS, AOC, IS IT GOING
798
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:13,163
TO BE JASMINE CROCKETT, ARE YOU
799
00:27:13,164 --> 00:27:15,265
KIDDING ME?
800
00:27:15,266 --> 00:27:20,070
ANYBODY WHO GETS AWAY FOR THE
801
00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:21,205
DEAR LEADER I REMEMBER WHEN
802
00:27:21,206 --> 00:27:23,841
ELON MUSK TOOK HIM ON, TRUMP
803
00:27:23,842 --> 00:27:40,524
CRUSHED HIM.
804
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:41,158
IF I WAS HIS POLITICAL ADVISOR I
805
00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:41,692
WOULD SAY WHATEVER YOU DO
806
00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:42,359
THEY'RE GOING TO BE WITH YOU SO
807
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:42,993
FIGURE OUT WHAT THE RIGHT THING
808
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:43,260
TO DO IS.
809
00:27:43,261 --> 00:27:43,827
IN THAT SENSE HE'S FREE IT'S
810
00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:44,428
ONLY ABOUT 35% OF THE COUNTRY
811
00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:44,862
BUT IT'S 65% OF THE
812
00:27:44,863 --> 00:27:45,462
REPUBLICAN PARTY, THEY WILL DO
813
00:27:45,463 --> 00:27:46,063
ANYTHING THE DEAR LEADER SAYS
814
00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:46,663
AND IT'S TERRIFYING BUT FOR A
815
00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:47,297
TRUMPET OUGHT TO GIVE HIM SOME
816
00:27:47,298 --> 00:27:47,931
SPACE TO DO OR NOT DO WHAT HE
817
00:27:47,932 --> 00:27:48,298
THINKS IS BEST.
818
00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:48,899
Bill: YOU KNOW WHAT MY
819
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:49,333
ISSUE IS WITH HIM?
820
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:50,200
I SAID THIS BEFORE I HAD DINNER
821
00:27:50,201 --> 00:27:54,972
AT THE SAME TABLE.
822
00:27:54,973 --> 00:27:55,639
[LAUGHTER]
823
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,941
HE DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE BAD
824
00:27:57,942 --> 00:27:58,142
IDEAS.
825
00:27:58,143 --> 00:27:59,710
YOU AGREE, RIGHT?
826
00:27:59,711 --> 00:28:02,413
CLOSE THE BORDER, GET ORDER ON
827
00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:04,014
THE BORDER AND GET THE GANGS OUT
828
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,382
OF THE COUNTRY AND MAKE EUROPE
829
00:28:05,383 --> 00:28:09,820
PAY FOR THEIR OWN DEFENSE.
830
00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:12,289
GO BACK TO EQUALITY INSTEAD OF
831
00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:13,023
ALWAYS EQUITY AND UNIVERSITIES
832
00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:13,891
ARE OUT OF CONTROL, A LOT OF
833
00:28:13,892 --> 00:28:16,593
THESE THINGS BUT WHAT I CAN
834
00:28:16,594 --> 00:28:17,694
ALWAYS DEPEND ON THAT
835
00:28:17,695 --> 00:28:20,764
ADMINISTRATION TO DO IS TO
836
00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:24,735
RELIABLY FUCK UP THE EXECUTION.
837
00:28:24,736 --> 00:28:27,037
[APPLAUSE]
838
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:28,272
DOGE, ALL THESE ISSUES I
839
00:28:28,273 --> 00:28:28,672
MENTIONED TO.
840
00:28:28,673 --> 00:28:30,441
SHOULD WE SEE IF THE GOVERNMENT
841
00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:33,277
HAS TOO MUCH BLOAT AND FAT IN
842
00:28:33,278 --> 00:28:34,044
IT?
843
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:35,279
YES, RELIABLY BUT LIKE CLOCKWORK
844
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,514
YOU CAN DEPENDENT THEY WILL FUCK
845
00:28:37,515 --> 00:28:38,482
UP THE EXECUTION JUST LIKE THEY
846
00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:40,017
DID WITH THE PARADE.
847
00:28:40,018 --> 00:28:42,052
DO I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO
848
00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:42,953
HAVE A PARADE?
849
00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:44,955
AND NO, IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
850
00:28:44,956 --> 00:28:46,590
A VAGUELY FASCIST FASCIST
851
00:28:46,591 --> 00:28:49,126
PARADE, DO IT RIGHT.
852
00:28:49,127 --> 00:28:50,961
[LAUGHTER]
853
00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:51,562
[APPLAUSE]
854
00:28:51,563 --> 00:28:53,297
IN HIS FIRST TERM HE DID TO
855
00:28:53,298 --> 00:28:55,332
GO THINGS THAT WERE GREAT.
856
00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:57,234
WARP SPEED HE CREATED THE BEST
857
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,002
VACCINE IN THE WORLD FASTER THAN
858
00:28:59,003 --> 00:28:59,536
ANYBODY ELSE.
859
00:28:59,537 --> 00:29:01,638
THE COVID VACCINE.
860
00:29:01,639 --> 00:29:03,173
HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT IT AND HIS
861
00:29:03,174 --> 00:29:04,141
TEAM ARE ANNOUNCES THAT HE PUTS
862
00:29:04,142 --> 00:29:05,976
A GUY IN CHARGE OF THE HEALTH
863
00:29:05,977 --> 00:29:07,411
DEPARTMENT WHO WAS A VACCINE
864
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:08,946
SKEPTIC TO SAY THE LEAST.
865
00:29:08,947 --> 00:29:10,380
HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT THE BEST
866
00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:13,183
THING HE DID TO.
867
00:29:13,184 --> 00:29:14,184
HE UPDATED NAFTA, U.S.-MEXICO
868
00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:15,652
TRADE DEAL, WHAT DID HE DO THE
869
00:29:15,653 --> 00:29:17,020
FIRST TIME HE COMES BACK?
870
00:29:17,021 --> 00:29:18,755
HE BLOWS THAT UP TOO.
871
00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:20,624
EVEN THE STUFF HE DOES THAT'S
872
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,593
GOOD YOU'RE RIGHT, HE DESTROYS
873
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:23,127
IT.
874
00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,229
IT WOULD TAKE THE ENTIRE STAFF
875
00:29:25,230 --> 00:29:26,597
OF THE HARVARD SCHOOL OF
876
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:27,331
PSYCHOLOGY TO EXPLAIN--
877
00:29:27,332 --> 00:29:30,834
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
878
00:29:30,835 --> 00:29:32,436
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT
879
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:34,938
THE PARADE TO OFFER ANOTHER
880
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,673
OPINION FROM OUR SIDE OF THIS
881
00:29:36,674 --> 00:29:36,874
THING.
882
00:29:36,875 --> 00:29:40,744
IT WAS THE 250TH BIRTHDAY OF THE
883
00:29:40,745 --> 00:29:41,178
UNITED STATES ARMY.
884
00:29:41,179 --> 00:29:41,445
[APPLAUSE]
885
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:43,780
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
886
00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:45,082
SOMEBODY WHO SERVED THE NATION
887
00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:48,819
MY BROTHER AND SISTER IN
888
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:49,586
WEST POINT, MY
889
00:29:49,587 --> 00:29:50,621
GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER FOUGHT
890
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:51,655
IN THE CIVIL WAR AND YOU KNOW
891
00:29:51,656 --> 00:29:52,990
WHAT I SAW?
892
00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:54,825
I SAW THE PRESIDENT SALUTE THE
893
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:56,460
CORPS CADETS AS THEY WALKED PAST
894
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:57,094
HIM.
895
00:29:57,095 --> 00:29:58,996
I WATCHED HIM SALUTE TO THE 75TH
896
00:29:58,997 --> 00:30:00,998
RANGER REGIMENT, I SAT THERE AND
897
00:30:00,999 --> 00:30:04,067
WATCH THE FIREWORKS BEHIND THE
898
00:30:04,068 --> 00:30:05,269
WASHINGTON MONUMENT, I THOUGHT
899
00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:05,869
THAT'S ABSENTLY OUTSTAND THEY
900
00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:07,771
GET IT'S BETTER THAN JOE BIDEN
901
00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:09,206
CHECKING HIS WATCH WHEN BODIES
902
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:11,808
WERE BEING TURNED TO DOVER.
903
00:30:11,809 --> 00:30:13,310
THIS IS A CONTRAST WE ARE
904
00:30:13,311 --> 00:30:14,811
TALKING ABOUT AND WHY YOU LOST.
905
00:30:14,812 --> 00:30:17,314
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A MAN TALK
906
00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:18,649
ABOUT PATRIOTISM AND PARADES
907
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,883
LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP
908
00:30:19,884 --> 00:30:21,518
I SERVE BECAUSE I USED TO GO TO
909
00:30:21,519 --> 00:30:22,719
THESE PARADES AND WATCH MY DAD
910
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,855
PARTICIPATE IN THEM.
911
00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:28,225
I SAW THE BLACKHAWKS LANDING I
912
00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:31,728
SAW MY AND SISTER AT WEST POINT
913
00:30:31,729 --> 00:30:32,396
TO.
914
00:30:32,397 --> 00:30:34,431
THE DICHOTOMY OF WHAT WE ARE
915
00:30:34,432 --> 00:30:35,332
SEEING PRESIDENT TRUMP, ACTUALLY
916
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,034
MAKING AN EFFORT.
917
00:30:37,035 --> 00:30:37,801
WHETHER YOU LIKE OR AGREE WITH
918
00:30:37,802 --> 00:30:41,171
THE EXECUTION OF THE EFFORT IS
919
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:41,405
THERE.
920
00:30:41,406 --> 00:30:42,172
Bill: EXECUTION DOES
921
00:30:42,173 --> 00:30:42,839
MATTER, FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU
922
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:47,211
FOR YOUR SERVICE.
923
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:49,680
I SAY THAT TO EVERYBODY, ALWAYS
924
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:52,583
HAVE, FOR 20 YEARS.
925
00:30:52,584 --> 00:30:55,152
I'VE WATCHED YOU FOR 20
926
00:30:55,153 --> 00:30:55,552
YEARS, THANK YOU.
927
00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:57,854
Bill: NOBODY-- THE
928
00:30:57,855 --> 00:30:59,456
MILITARY, THAT'S WHO IS BRAVE,
929
00:30:59,457 --> 00:31:00,857
THEN COPS AND FIREFIGHTERS AND
930
00:31:00,858 --> 00:31:03,060
PEOPLE LIKE THAT BUT MOSTLY THE
931
00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:03,694
MILITARY.
932
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:06,763
I GOT TO ASK YOU THIS AS FAR AS
933
00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:07,764
GOOD IDEAS, HERE'S ANOTHER THING
934
00:31:07,765 --> 00:31:09,266
I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA THAT
935
00:31:09,267 --> 00:31:11,168
HE HAS-- WE SHOULD LOVE OUR
936
00:31:11,169 --> 00:31:11,602
COUNTRY MORE.
937
00:31:11,603 --> 00:31:16,440
THE LEFT IS WAY TOO DOWN ON THIS
938
00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:17,541
COUNTRY.
939
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:18,809
BUT THE EXECUTION IS ALWAYS I
940
00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:19,610
DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, I DON'T
941
00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:21,645
UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE THINGS HE
942
00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:26,650
DOES IN SUPPORT OF THAT IDEA.
943
00:31:26,651 --> 00:31:28,352
DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT HE HAD A
944
00:31:28,353 --> 00:31:30,520
POSTER HE PUT OUT LAST WEEK,
945
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:33,257
UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU TO TURN IN
946
00:31:33,258 --> 00:31:35,392
FOREIGN INVADERS?
947
00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:37,694
DO YOU THINK THAT'S RIGHT, TURN
948
00:31:37,695 --> 00:31:38,795
IN FOREIGN INVADERS?
949
00:31:38,796 --> 00:31:39,763
HE'S TALKING ABOUT IMMIGRANTS
950
00:31:39,764 --> 00:31:42,399
WHO COME HERE AND TAKE JOBS THAT
951
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:43,567
PEOPLE WANT TO GIVE THEM, YOU
952
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:44,935
WANT TO TURN THEM INTO SNITCHES
953
00:31:44,936 --> 00:31:47,804
LIKE EAST GERMANY?
954
00:31:47,805 --> 00:31:49,072
YOU WANT CITIZENS TURNING ON
955
00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:50,741
EACH OTHER?
956
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,643
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BIG
957
00:31:52,644 --> 00:31:54,444
IDEAS, IDEAS, RUNNING FOR
958
00:31:54,445 --> 00:31:56,947
PRESIDENT IN 2016 AND WINNING,
959
00:31:56,948 --> 00:31:57,281
AND LOSING--
960
00:31:57,282 --> 00:31:58,482
Bill: YOU SAY HE LOST?
961
00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:05,956
GOOD TO.
962
00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:06,423
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
963
00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:08,692
THE POINT I'M MAKING IS THE
964
00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:10,494
BIG IDEA AND COMING BACK AND
965
00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:12,529
RETURNING AND BECOMING THE
966
00:32:12,530 --> 00:32:13,630
PRESIDENT AGAIN BECAUSE HE'S THE
967
00:32:13,631 --> 00:32:15,165
PRESIDENT AS WE LIVE AND BREATHE
968
00:32:15,166 --> 00:32:16,300
THOSE ARE BIG IDEAS, THOSE OF
969
00:32:16,301 --> 00:32:17,901
THE BIG IDEAS YOU COULD EVER
970
00:32:17,902 --> 00:32:18,568
HAVE IN AMERICA.
971
00:32:18,569 --> 00:32:20,203
THAT IS IN FACT THE AMERICAN
972
00:32:20,204 --> 00:32:21,271
DREAM, HE'S EXECUTED VERY WELL
973
00:32:21,272 --> 00:32:24,041
AND HE'S 1 OF 2 PEOPLE IN THE
974
00:32:24,042 --> 00:32:25,642
HISTORY OF THIS GREAT NATION TO
975
00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:26,977
EVER SERVE AS PRESIDENT TWICE
976
00:32:26,978 --> 00:32:27,844
AFTER NOT WINNING REELECTION,
977
00:32:27,845 --> 00:32:32,582
THOSE ARE BIG IDEAS.
978
00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:33,784
I WANT TO COME BACK TO
979
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,920
PRESIDENT BIDEN WHOSE SON SERVED
980
00:32:36,921 --> 00:32:37,587
AND ENLISTED, SOMETHING
981
00:32:37,588 --> 00:32:40,624
DONALD TRUMP'S SON NEVER DID.
982
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:42,092
DONALD TRUMP WENT TO A MILITARY
983
00:32:42,093 --> 00:32:43,360
SCHOOL FOR HIGH SCHOOL BUT HE
984
00:32:43,361 --> 00:32:45,128
DIDN'T SERVE HE AVOIDED SERVICE
985
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,197
IN VIETNAM, HE SAID HE HAD BONE
986
00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:47,431
SPURS.
987
00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:50,200
HE SAID AVOIDING STDs WAS HIS
988
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:50,667
VIETNAM, THEN HE SAID
989
00:32:50,668 --> 00:32:51,835
JOHN McCAIN WAS NOT A WAR
990
00:32:51,836 --> 00:32:53,270
HERO, THEN HE SAID TROOPS ARE
991
00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:58,408
SUCKERS AND LOSERS--
992
00:32:58,409 --> 00:32:59,176
NO--
993
00:32:59,177 --> 00:32:59,776
MY GRANDFATHER FOUGHT IN
994
00:32:59,777 --> 00:33:05,482
WORLD WAR I AND WAS WOUNDED, AND
995
00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:11,154
DRUM PISSES ON OUR VETERANS.
996
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:12,789
NO HE DOES NOT, I WILL ASK
997
00:33:12,790 --> 00:33:16,326
YOU A QUESTION IF THAT IS THE
998
00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:18,362
CASE, DECEMBER, JANUARY,
999
00:33:18,363 --> 00:33:19,863
FEBRUARY WE SEE THE HIGHEST
1000
00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:20,931
RECRUITING NUMBERS THAT WE'VE
1001
00:33:20,932 --> 00:33:23,333
SEEN IN YEARS, WHY IS THAT THE
1002
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,334
CASE?
1003
00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:26,236
I'M SOMEBODY THAT HAS SERVED AND
1004
00:33:26,237 --> 00:33:27,204
PEOPLE IN MY RANKS
1005
00:33:27,205 --> 00:33:27,671
OVERWHELMINGLY LOOK AT
1006
00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,172
PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THEY SAY IF
1007
00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:30,107
I REALLY WANT SOMEBODY WHO'S
1008
00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:33,377
GOING TO DEFEND US AND PUT US IN
1009
00:33:33,378 --> 00:33:35,512
HARM'S WAY IF NECESSARY I WOULD
1010
00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:38,382
TAKE THEM OVER JOE BIDEN?
1011
00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:40,684
WHY DOES HE STAB THEM IN THE
1012
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:41,351
BACK?
1013
00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:42,285
WHY DO WE HAVE RECORD
1014
00:33:42,286 --> 00:33:48,892
RECRUITING RIGHT NOW?
1015
00:33:48,893 --> 00:33:54,364
Bill: THIS SHOW IS NOT--
1016
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:55,866
I JUST WANT TO PAUSE AND SAY
1017
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,567
FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU TO MY
1018
00:33:57,568 --> 00:33:59,970
INCREDIBLE STAFF WHO'S HERE
1019
00:33:59,971 --> 00:34:02,873
EVERY MORNING, WHENEVER THAT IS.
1020
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:04,541
TO HBO WHICH HAS PUT UP WITH ME
1021
00:34:04,542 --> 00:34:06,810
FOR ALL THESE YEARS AND TO THE
1022
00:34:06,811 --> 00:34:11,181
AUDIENCE IS BEEN SO LOYAL.
1023
00:34:11,182 --> 00:34:13,583
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A MONTH OFF
1024
00:34:13,584 --> 00:34:15,786
AS ALWAYS AND WE WILL BE BACK ON
1025
00:34:15,787 --> 00:34:16,520
AUGUST 1ST AND WHENEVER WE TAKE
1026
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:18,622
TIME OFF WE GIVE YOU THE FUTURE
1027
00:34:18,623 --> 00:34:19,389
HEADLINES BECAUSE HEADLINES ARE
1028
00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:20,524
SO PREDICABLE THESE DAYS WITH
1029
00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:22,592
THE WAY THE NEWS IS.
1030
00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:24,294
HIM WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE
1031
00:34:24,295 --> 00:34:27,197
FUTURE HEADLINES?
1032
00:34:27,198 --> 00:34:29,299
HERE THEY ARE, FUTURE HEADLINES.
1033
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:29,966
GEN Z'ERS SHOCKED TO LEARN THEIR
1034
00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:37,974
PHONES MAKE CALLS.
1035
00:34:37,975 --> 00:34:39,075
[APPLAUSE]
1036
00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:39,643
HEARTBROKEN ELON MUSK STANDS
1037
00:34:39,644 --> 00:34:40,177
OUTSIDE WHITE HOUSE WITH
1038
00:34:40,178 --> 00:34:45,348
BOOMBOX.
1039
00:34:45,349 --> 00:34:53,623
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1040
00:34:53,624 --> 00:34:56,259
[LAUGHTER]
1041
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:59,362
[APPLAUSE]
1042
00:34:59,363 --> 00:34:59,996
OCEAN FISH FOUND TO CONTAIN MORE
1043
00:34:59,997 --> 00:35:04,401
PLASTIC THAN PLASTIC FISH.
1044
00:35:04,402 --> 00:35:04,901
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1045
00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:05,469
TRAVIS KELCE DRAWS LINE AT
1046
00:35:05,470 --> 00:35:10,073
BUYING TAMPONS.
1047
00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:10,574
[.
1048
00:35:10,575 --> 00:35:14,778
[APPLAUSE]
1049
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:22,786
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1050
00:35:22,787 --> 00:35:23,386
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT ANNOUNCES
1051
00:35:23,387 --> 00:35:23,920
AMERICA "OFFICIALLY OUT OF
1052
00:35:23,921 --> 00:35:26,289
TALENT."
1053
00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:26,957
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1054
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,059
MADONNA MARRIES MEXICAN WHO
1055
00:35:29,060 --> 00:35:33,463
STOOD ON FLAMING WAYMO
1056
00:35:33,464 --> 00:35:34,030
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1057
00:35:34,031 --> 00:35:37,300
DIDDY GOES TO PRISON, HAS FREAK
1058
00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:40,604
OFF IN CELL BLOCK D
1059
00:35:40,605 --> 00:35:41,304
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1060
00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:41,872
ICE MISTAKENLY DEPORTS MARCO
1061
00:35:41,873 --> 00:35:48,945
RUBIO.
1062
00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:51,982
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1063
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,917
HAVE TO BRING UP A VERY
1064
00:35:53,918 --> 00:35:54,784
UNFORTUNATE CLUB THAT HAS FORMED
1065
00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:56,319
THAT AMERICA AND THAT IS
1066
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,221
POLITICIANS WHO HAD BEEN SHOT AT
1067
00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:00,190
BECAUSE WE SAW THIS LAST WEEK
1068
00:36:00,191 --> 00:36:02,792
THERE IS TWO MORE PEOPLE AND
1069
00:36:02,793 --> 00:36:04,561
THEIR SPOUSES IN MINNESOTA WHO
1070
00:36:04,562 --> 00:36:05,762
WERE SHOCKED BY SOMEBODY JUST
1071
00:36:05,763 --> 00:36:08,532
YESTERDAY, WE HAVE A NEW ONE.
1072
00:36:08,533 --> 00:36:11,835
A MEMPHIS MAYOR, SOMEBODY CAME
1073
00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:13,904
TO HIS DOOR, PEOPLE GO INTO
1074
00:36:13,905 --> 00:36:17,641
THEIR HOUSES NOW.
1075
00:36:17,642 --> 00:36:19,609
HIS STATEMENT WAS THE LINK
1076
00:36:19,610 --> 00:36:21,344
BETWEEN ANGRY ONLINE RHETORIC
1077
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:22,612
AND REAL-LIFE VIOLENCE IS
1078
00:36:22,613 --> 00:36:23,813
BECOMING UNDENIABLE, I WOULD
1079
00:36:23,814 --> 00:36:26,950
AGREE WITH THAT.
1080
00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:29,119
WE SAW GABBY GIFFORD GETS SHOT,
1081
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,187
STEVE SCALISE, IT CAN HAPPEN--
1082
00:36:31,188 --> 00:36:32,455
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIM
1083
00:36:32,456 --> 00:36:32,722
UP.
1084
00:36:32,723 --> 00:36:34,925
Bill: PAUL PELOSI IN HIS
1085
00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:36,359
HOME.
1086
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,962
THIS IS BECOMING ROUTINE NOW.
1087
00:36:38,963 --> 00:36:41,164
DO WE SAY BOTH PARTIES ARE
1088
00:36:41,165 --> 00:36:41,698
EQUALLY GUILTY?
1089
00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:43,800
WHEN I THINK ABOUT JANUARY 6TH
1090
00:36:43,801 --> 00:36:45,602
AND PARDONING ALL THE PEOPLE WHO
1091
00:36:45,603 --> 00:36:46,703
WERE INVOLVED IN THAT
1092
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:47,270
INSURRECTION OR WHATEVER YOU
1093
00:36:47,271 --> 00:36:50,206
WANT TO CALL IT.
1094
00:36:50,207 --> 00:36:51,408
HOW DO YOU HAVE AN
1095
00:36:51,409 --> 00:36:53,376
INSURRECTION WITH NO GUNS?
1096
00:36:53,377 --> 00:36:54,110
THAT'S LIKE MAKING COFFEE--
1097
00:36:54,111 --> 00:36:57,981
THEY BROUGHT TONS OF GUNS.
1098
00:36:57,982 --> 00:36:59,182
A QUARTER MILLION GUNS IN
1099
00:36:59,183 --> 00:36:59,983
CIRCULATION, ONE PERSON WAS
1100
00:36:59,984 --> 00:37:02,118
KILLED THAT DAY IT WAS ASHLEY
1101
00:37:02,119 --> 00:37:03,653
BABBITT, SHE WAS A WHITE UNARMED
1102
00:37:03,654 --> 00:37:06,289
PERSON WHO WAS KILLED BY A BLACK
1103
00:37:06,290 --> 00:37:07,257
POLICE OFFICER, IMAGINE IF THAT
1104
00:37:07,258 --> 00:37:08,792
HAD BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
1105
00:37:08,793 --> 00:37:10,160
WHEN I THINK OF INSURRECTION IS
1106
00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:11,027
A WAR FIGHTER, SOMEBODY WAS SEEN
1107
00:37:11,028 --> 00:37:16,466
SOME NASTY STUFF-- WANT TO
1108
00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:18,201
THINK ABOUT THAT, WHAT PEOPLE
1109
00:37:18,202 --> 00:37:19,269
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IS THE SUMMER
1110
00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:21,371
OF LOVE LEADING UP TO THAT WAS
1111
00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:22,772
SOMETHING ELSE.
1112
00:37:22,773 --> 00:37:24,941
$2 BILLION IN DAMAGE, 200 CITIES
1113
00:37:24,942 --> 00:37:28,011
HAD TO GO UNDER CURFEW.
1114
00:37:28,012 --> 00:37:29,279
22 PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES AND I
1115
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,950
UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND THE
1116
00:37:33,951 --> 00:37:39,689
DEMOCRATS WERE RHINO AND
1117
00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,358
DONALD TRUMP WERE STILL
1118
00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:41,625
PRESIDENT.
1119
00:37:41,626 --> 00:37:42,359
Bill: MANY COPS WERE
1120
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,961
INJURED THAT DAY, MANY POLICE
1121
00:37:44,962 --> 00:37:46,930
OFFICERS.
1122
00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:52,302
THEY TASED MICHAEL F-- A HEO
1123
00:37:52,303 --> 00:37:53,970
D.C. COP, HE STOOD IN THE BREACH
1124
00:37:53,971 --> 00:37:55,238
TO DEFEND OUR CAPITAL.
1125
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:59,009
HE VOTED FOR TRUMP THEY TASED
1126
00:37:59,010 --> 00:38:00,377
HIM UNTIL HIS HEART STOPPED,
1127
00:38:00,378 --> 00:38:01,811
THEY GAVE HIM A HEART ATTACK FOR
1128
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:02,879
PUTTING ON THE UNIFORM AND
1129
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,014
STANDING IN DEFENSE OF OUR
1130
00:38:04,015 --> 00:38:08,585
UNITED STATES CAPITAL AND THEN
1131
00:38:08,586 --> 00:38:11,554
TRUMP DID.
1132
00:38:11,555 --> 00:38:15,592
BIDEN PARTED HIS WHOLE FAMIL
1133
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:16,626
FAMILY.
1134
00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:19,562
IT HAS HAPPENED ON BOTH SIDES
1135
00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:20,597
WHEN STEVE'S POLICE GOT SHOT IT
1136
00:38:20,598 --> 00:38:22,298
WAS TERRIBLE AND THE GUY DID IT
1137
00:38:22,299 --> 00:38:23,967
BECAUSE HE WAS A REPUBLICAN, NO
1138
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:25,068
QUESTION.
1139
00:38:25,069 --> 00:38:26,002
ITS ASYMMETRIC HATRED TO PICK OF
1140
00:38:26,003 --> 00:38:27,370
THE ANTIDEFAMATION LEAGUE TO THE
1141
00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:28,872
STUDY THREE YEARS AGO, THEY
1142
00:38:28,873 --> 00:38:30,640
LOOKED OVER TEN YEARS OF
1143
00:38:30,641 --> 00:38:32,409
POLITICAL MURDERS IN AMERICA.
1144
00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:34,611
THEY FOUND 450 MURDERS.
1145
00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:38,114
75% OF THEM BY THE FAR RIGHT.
1146
00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:40,650
20% OF THEM BY ISLAMISTS, 4% OF
1147
00:38:40,651 --> 00:38:43,186
THEM BY THE FAR LEFT.
1148
00:38:43,187 --> 00:38:44,788
IN THE 60s AND 70s THE
1149
00:38:44,789 --> 00:38:46,289
POLITICAL VIOLENCE WAS MOSTLY
1150
00:38:46,290 --> 00:38:47,223
FROM THE FAR LEFT TODAY IT'S
1151
00:38:47,224 --> 00:38:53,163
MOSTLY FROM THE FAR RIGHT.
1152
00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:54,664
MY RESPONSE TO THAT,
1153
00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,099
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT UP.
1154
00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:57,300
PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS SHOT AND HE
1155
00:38:57,301 --> 00:38:59,135
HAD ANOTHER ATTEMPT ON HIS LIFE
1156
00:38:59,136 --> 00:39:00,670
YET AGAIN AND WHAT YOU HAVE
1157
00:39:00,671 --> 00:39:03,373
PEOPLE SAYING WE ARE A THREAT TO
1158
00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:05,108
DEMOCRACY, WE ARE CALLING HIM
1159
00:39:05,109 --> 00:39:06,776
HITLER, WHEN YOU CALL HIM--
1160
00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:09,279
THAT'S J.D. VANCE CALLING HIM
1161
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,380
HITLER.
1162
00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:12,982
HE DID TO.
1163
00:39:12,983 --> 00:39:13,950
77 MILLION PEOPLE A THREAT TO
1164
00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:15,485
DEMOCRACY AND THIS IS EXACTLY
1165
00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:18,354
WHERE THIS STARTS.
1166
00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:20,290
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU I WANT
1167
00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:23,059
TO CONDEMN ALL VIOLENCE I AM A
1168
00:39:23,060 --> 00:39:24,294
POLITICIAN, I'M THE ONLY ONE
1169
00:39:24,295 --> 00:39:25,795
SITTING UP HERE ARE THREE KIDS I
1170
00:39:25,796 --> 00:39:26,796
TOLD MY WIFE IS SITTING UP HERE
1171
00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:29,165
RIGHT NOW I LOVE HER DEARLY.
1172
00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:30,700
WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS FIRST,
1173
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:33,503
AT ALL HAS GOT TO STOP.
1174
00:39:33,504 --> 00:39:37,006
I GET YOUR POINT.
1175
00:39:37,007 --> 00:39:37,273
[APPLAUSE]
1176
00:39:37,274 --> 00:39:41,044
Bill: CAN ASK YOU A
1177
00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:41,644
QUESTION ABOUT JANUARY 6, TAKE
1178
00:39:41,645 --> 00:39:43,546
THE POLITICS OUT OF IT.
1179
00:39:43,547 --> 00:39:44,514
THEY WERE THERE FOR A SPECIFIC
1180
00:39:44,515 --> 00:39:46,750
REASON THAN THEY TACKED THE
1181
00:39:46,751 --> 00:39:47,784
CAPITAL, A SPECIFIC PLACE ON A
1182
00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,119
SPECIFIC DAY AT A SPECIFIC
1183
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:50,420
MOMENT WHICH WAS THE EXACT
1184
00:39:50,421 --> 00:39:51,721
MOMENT THE VOTES WERE BEING
1185
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:52,789
COUNTED WHICH TO ME MAKES IT
1186
00:39:52,790 --> 00:39:55,358
EVEN WORSE, BUT OKAY LET'S JUST
1187
00:39:55,359 --> 00:39:57,460
SAY THEY WERE THERE BECAUSE
1188
00:39:57,461 --> 00:40:00,530
FURIOUS ABOUT THE PRICE OF EGGS.
1189
00:40:00,531 --> 00:40:02,298
[LAUGHTER]
1190
00:40:02,299 --> 00:40:04,501
NO POLITICS THERE WERE JUST LIKE
1191
00:40:04,502 --> 00:40:05,268
CONGRESS HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING
1192
00:40:05,269 --> 00:40:07,670
ABOUT THE PRICE OF EGGS AND I
1193
00:40:07,671 --> 00:40:10,173
DON'T CARE HOW MANY COPS GET
1194
00:40:10,174 --> 00:40:13,143
HURT, WOULD IT BE ANY DIFFERENT?
1195
00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:13,910
IS IT JUST OKAY BECAUSE IT WAS
1196
00:40:13,911 --> 00:40:18,181
DEFENDING TRUMP?
1197
00:40:18,182 --> 00:40:19,916
THIS WAS NECESSARILY ABOUT
1198
00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:23,520
DEFENDING TRUMP.
1199
00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:26,156
Bill: IF IT WAS OVER 100
1200
00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:26,856
COPS GETTING HURT AND PEOPLE
1201
00:40:26,857 --> 00:40:29,325
TAKING OVER A BUILDING--
1202
00:40:29,326 --> 00:40:31,161
KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE
1203
00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:32,162
SUMMER OF LOVE.
1204
00:40:32,163 --> 00:40:35,331
THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE WERE GETTING
1205
00:40:35,332 --> 00:40:35,532
HURT.
1206
00:40:35,533 --> 00:40:36,766
THAT'S 122 PEOPLE DIED.
1207
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:37,767
WE WATCHED MAYHEM IN OUR
1208
00:40:37,768 --> 00:40:38,535
STREETS.
1209
00:40:38,536 --> 00:40:40,937
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, WE ARE
1210
00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:41,971
WATCHING PEOPLE THROW PIECES OF
1211
00:40:41,972 --> 00:40:43,273
CONCRETE AT LAW ENFORCEMENT
1212
00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:43,873
OFFICERS AND CAUSE BURNING IN
1213
00:40:43,874 --> 00:40:45,475
THE STREETS IN OUR CITIES, WE
1214
00:40:45,476 --> 00:40:47,343
CANNOT HAVE THAT ANYWHERE.
1215
00:40:47,344 --> 00:40:48,711
Bill: LET ME GO BACK TO
1216
00:40:48,712 --> 00:40:49,813
WHAT HAPPENED IN MINNESOTA
1217
00:40:49,814 --> 00:40:51,181
BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST ONE.
1218
00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:56,519
THIS GUY NAMED VANCE BOELTER--
1219
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:57,220
OF COURSE IT IS.
1220
00:40:57,221 --> 00:41:01,891
HE'S PLAINLY A TRUMPER.
1221
00:41:01,892 --> 00:41:06,596
COME ON, HE VOTED FOR TRUMP,
1222
00:41:06,597 --> 00:41:08,097
HE'S A SUPER-DUPER CHRISTIAN,
1223
00:41:08,098 --> 00:41:10,533
HIS BIG ISSUE IS HE HATED
1224
00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:11,467
ABORTION, WE WERE PERFORMING
1225
00:41:11,468 --> 00:41:12,001
ABORTIONS.
1226
00:41:12,002 --> 00:41:15,505
HE HAD A LIST OF 45 PEOPLE, THE
1227
00:41:15,506 --> 00:41:16,739
TWO PEOPLE HE SHOTS WERE
1228
00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:18,641
DEMOCRATS, HE HAD A LIST OF 45
1229
00:41:18,642 --> 00:41:19,776
OTHER PEOPLE, ALL DEMOCRATS.
1230
00:41:19,777 --> 00:41:22,412
THE FACT THAT SO MANY PEOPLE IN
1231
00:41:22,413 --> 00:41:25,481
YOUR PARTY, DONALD TRUMP JR.,
1232
00:41:25,482 --> 00:41:28,718
REPRESENTATIVE DERRICK VAN
1233
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:29,485
VAN ORDEN, I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
1234
00:41:29,486 --> 00:41:31,287
IS BUT HE'S A JERK I THINK HE
1235
00:41:31,288 --> 00:41:33,356
MUST BE.
1236
00:41:33,357 --> 00:41:34,090
SENATOR MIKE LEE COME ALL
1237
00:41:34,091 --> 00:41:35,859
PRETENDED THIS GUY WHO IS
1238
00:41:35,860 --> 00:41:39,896
PLAINLY A TRUMPER.
1239
00:41:39,897 --> 00:41:40,763
WE JUST ADMIT IT HAPPENS ON BOTH
1240
00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:43,132
SIDES TO THE LEVEL OF LYING
1241
00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:44,000
HERE.
1242
00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,568
DONALD TRUMP, THE GUY WHO
1243
00:41:45,569 --> 00:41:46,202
COMMITTED THESE ATROCITIES THIS
1244
00:41:46,203 --> 00:41:48,805
WEEKEND IS A DEMOCRAT, NO HE'S
1245
00:41:48,806 --> 00:41:49,772
NOT.
1246
00:41:49,773 --> 00:41:50,974
THIS IS WHAT HAPPEN WHEN
1247
00:41:50,975 --> 00:41:52,609
MARXISTS DON'T GET THEIR WAY.
1248
00:41:52,610 --> 00:41:54,177
THIS GUY SAID HE DID IT BECAUSE
1249
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:57,146
THE PEOPLE HE SHOT WERE NOT FAR
1250
00:41:57,147 --> 00:41:57,447
LEFT ENOUGH.
1251
00:41:57,448 --> 00:42:00,917
YOU KNOW THESE ARE LIES.
1252
00:42:00,918 --> 00:42:04,320
THE PHARMACEUTICAL CEO THAT
1253
00:42:04,321 --> 00:42:05,255
WAS MURDERED WAS WRONG, THE
1254
00:42:05,256 --> 00:42:08,157
GENTLEMAN THAT DID THIS WAS
1255
00:42:08,158 --> 00:42:08,358
WRONG.
1256
00:42:08,359 --> 00:42:09,659
Bill: JUST ADMIT IT, THIS
1257
00:42:09,660 --> 00:42:18,167
ONE IS A TRUMPER.
1258
00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,904
WE ARE TALKED ABOUT PEOPLE
1259
00:42:20,905 --> 00:42:21,504
ARBITRARILY MURDERING PEOPLE.
1260
00:42:21,505 --> 00:42:23,539
Bill: IT'S NOT ARBITRARY!
1261
00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:25,408
THAT ARE OFF THE RESERVATION,
1262
00:42:25,409 --> 00:42:26,175
THEY ARE CRAZY, I DON'T CARE IF
1263
00:42:26,176 --> 00:42:28,778
HE'S A TRUMPER OR NOT, THAT'S
1264
00:42:28,779 --> 00:42:29,012
CRAZY.
1265
00:42:29,013 --> 00:42:30,446
WE DON'T MURDER PEOPLE IN THIS
1266
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:31,614
COUNTRY THAT'S NOT THE WAY.
1267
00:42:31,615 --> 00:42:33,616
I HEAR YOUR POINT THAT I DON'T
1268
00:42:33,617 --> 00:42:38,488
CARE IF HE'S A TRUMPER OR NOT.
1269
00:42:38,489 --> 00:42:41,324
Bill: CRAZY IS DIFFERENT.
1270
00:42:41,325 --> 00:42:42,959
HE'S CRAZY, BY THE WAY.
1271
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,161
Bill: THIS IS POLITICAL
1272
00:42:45,162 --> 00:42:45,662
VIOLENCE, PEOPLE COMMIT
1273
00:42:45,663 --> 00:42:48,531
POLITICAL VIOLENCE ALL THE TIME.
1274
00:42:48,532 --> 00:42:50,533
IF YOU'RE GOING TO MURDER
1275
00:42:50,534 --> 00:42:51,234
SOMEBODY, YOU'RE OFF--
1276
00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:52,101
Bill: IF THIS HAD BEEN THE
1277
00:42:52,102 --> 00:42:53,870
REVERSE I WOULD ADMIT TO YOU SO
1278
00:42:53,871 --> 00:42:55,672
EASILY I WOULD JUST SAY THE GUY
1279
00:42:55,673 --> 00:43:00,209
WHO SHOT STEVE SCALISE.
1280
00:43:00,210 --> 00:43:03,012
I KNOW YOU GUYS, YOU LIKE ME,
1281
00:43:03,013 --> 00:43:06,616
YOU RESPECT ME, YOU KNOW WHY YOU
1282
00:43:06,617 --> 00:43:07,517
RESPECT ME?
1283
00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:10,019
30 YEARS.
1284
00:43:10,020 --> 00:43:11,654
Bill: BECAUSE WHEN I MAKE
1285
00:43:11,655 --> 00:43:12,956
FUN OF THE LEFT I DO IT EVEN
1286
00:43:12,957 --> 00:43:13,690
BETTER THAN YOUR PEOPLE DO
1287
00:43:13,691 --> 00:43:17,927
BECAUSE I'M HONEST.
1288
00:43:17,928 --> 00:43:18,695
[APPLAUSE]
1289
00:43:18,696 --> 00:43:19,696
BECAUSE I'M HONEST ABOUT IT.
1290
00:43:19,697 --> 00:43:20,863
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE IT BACK TO
1291
00:43:20,864 --> 00:43:22,298
ME, YOU'VE GOT TO GET THAT
1292
00:43:22,299 --> 00:43:23,132
HONESTY BACK TO ME.
1293
00:43:23,133 --> 00:43:30,173
I PUT MYSELF OUT.
1294
00:43:30,174 --> 00:43:32,008
[APPLAUSE]
1295
00:43:32,009 --> 00:43:32,475
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1296
00:43:32,476 --> 00:43:33,042
THE SUPREME COURT RULED THE
1297
00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:37,246
OTHER DAY ABOUT TRANSGENDER,
1298
00:43:37,247 --> 00:43:39,983
THERE IS AN ISSUE IN TENNESSEE.
1299
00:43:39,984 --> 00:43:41,050
THE STATES CAN RESTRICT MINORS
1300
00:43:41,051 --> 00:43:41,985
FROM TRANSITIONING, THERE WERE
1301
00:43:41,986 --> 00:43:43,820
JUST SAYING THE STATES HAVE THE
1302
00:43:43,821 --> 00:43:45,521
RIGHT TO REGULATE THIS.
1303
00:43:45,522 --> 00:43:47,490
I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE, AGAIN,
1304
00:43:47,491 --> 00:43:48,958
I'M CRITICAL WHEN I THINK MY
1305
00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:50,626
SIDE GOES TOO FAR AND THEY GO
1306
00:43:50,627 --> 00:43:52,428
TOO FAR OFF IN AND THEY WENT TOO
1307
00:43:52,429 --> 00:43:55,465
FAR ON THIS FOR A LONG TIME,
1308
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:56,733
GENDER AFFIRMING ALL THIS,
1309
00:43:56,734 --> 00:43:57,667
GENDER DYSPHORIA COME ALL THESE
1310
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:01,404
TERMS THEY USE TO TO SAY IT
1311
00:44:01,405 --> 00:44:02,939
BIOLOGICAL SEX SEX ISN'T A REAL
1312
00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:05,341
THING, IT'S ALL GENDER, IT'S ALL
1313
00:44:05,342 --> 00:44:06,776
A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT, THIS WAS
1314
00:44:06,777 --> 00:44:08,745
ALWAYS NONSENSE, NOT THAT THERE
1315
00:44:08,746 --> 00:44:10,146
ISN'T SUCH A REAL THING AS
1316
00:44:10,147 --> 00:44:11,814
TRANS PEOPLE BUT IT'S RARE AND
1317
00:44:11,815 --> 00:44:13,649
THEY MADE IT NOT RARE.
1318
00:44:13,650 --> 00:44:16,586
I THINK OVER A THOUSAND?
1319
00:44:16,587 --> 00:44:18,488
OVER A HUNDRED CLINICS OPENED IN
1320
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:20,656
THE LAST TEN OR 20 YEARS BECAUSE
1321
00:44:20,657 --> 00:44:23,159
THIS BECAME A THING?
1322
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,627
NOW BLUE STATES WILL NOT BE
1323
00:44:24,628 --> 00:44:25,561
AFFECTED.
1324
00:44:25,562 --> 00:44:27,230
THEY ARE JUST SAYING STATES HAVE
1325
00:44:27,231 --> 00:44:30,066
THE RIGHT TO REGULATE THIS AND I
1326
00:44:30,067 --> 00:44:31,667
THINK IT'S A GREAT FIRST STEP TO
1327
00:44:31,668 --> 00:44:34,137
GETTING THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY
1328
00:44:34,138 --> 00:44:35,838
BACK TO SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN
1329
00:44:35,839 --> 00:44:37,607
RESPECT AND NORMAL PEOPLE CAN
1330
00:44:37,608 --> 00:44:39,175
VOTE FOR, THOUGHTS.
1331
00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:39,976
THIS IS A SANITY CHECK.
1332
00:44:39,977 --> 00:44:41,344
IF YOU CAN'T TELL ME THE
1333
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:43,012
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A
1334
00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:44,180
WOMAN, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR
1335
00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:45,481
OTHER ARGUMENT BECAUSE IT'S JUST
1336
00:44:45,482 --> 00:44:46,416
THAT SIMPLE.
1337
00:44:46,417 --> 00:44:47,417
IF YOU DON'T THINK BIOLOGICAL
1338
00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:49,252
MEN SHOULD NOT COMPETE AGAINST
1339
00:44:49,253 --> 00:44:50,053
BIOLOGICAL WOMEN, IF YOU CAN'T
1340
00:44:50,054 --> 00:44:53,956
SAY THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, WE
1341
00:44:53,957 --> 00:44:55,391
SAW THE ISSUE WITH RILEY GAINES
1342
00:44:55,392 --> 00:44:56,993
AND SIMONE BILES, WE SAW THAT
1343
00:44:56,994 --> 00:44:59,762
DEBATE UNFOLD.
1344
00:44:59,763 --> 00:45:01,731
AND SIMONE GOT DESTROYED ON THIS
1345
00:45:01,732 --> 00:45:04,167
BECAUSE THIS IS A SANITY CHECK.
1346
00:45:04,168 --> 00:45:06,702
WE HAD A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE
1347
00:45:06,703 --> 00:45:07,603
KETANJI BROWN JACKSON CAN YOU
1348
00:45:07,604 --> 00:45:09,005
TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A
1349
00:45:09,006 --> 00:45:10,173
MAN AND A WOMAN AND SHE SAID I'M
1350
00:45:10,174 --> 00:45:11,174
NOT A DOCTOR.
1351
00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:12,175
THIS IS A SANITY CHECK.
1352
00:45:12,176 --> 00:45:14,143
IF YOU CAN'T ANSWER THAT BASIC
1353
00:45:14,144 --> 00:45:16,145
QUESTION HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY
1354
00:45:16,146 --> 00:45:17,647
TELL ME ABOUT POLICY.
1355
00:45:17,648 --> 00:45:18,614
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY
1356
00:45:18,615 --> 00:45:21,951
THE DEMOCRATS ARE LOSING ON AN
1357
00:45:21,952 --> 00:45:26,155
ISSUE LIKE THIS.
1358
00:45:26,156 --> 00:45:29,392
I HAVE A SIX, FOUR, 2-YEAR-OLD.
1359
00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:30,860
THEY THINK THEY ARE ON AND ELSA
1360
00:45:30,861 --> 00:45:32,962
AND MY LITTLE BOY THINKS HE'S
1361
00:45:32,963 --> 00:45:33,362
LIGHTENING QUEEN.
1362
00:45:33,363 --> 00:45:35,298
BY THE TIME YOU ARE 18 YEARS OLD
1363
00:45:35,299 --> 00:45:36,966
IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR BODY
1364
00:45:36,967 --> 00:45:38,601
YOU CAN LIVE AND DO WHATEVER YOU
1365
00:45:38,602 --> 00:45:39,969
WANT AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO PAY
1366
00:45:39,970 --> 00:45:40,636
FOR IT.
1367
00:45:40,637 --> 00:45:42,171
I FOUGHT FOR THE RIGHT FREE TO
1368
00:45:42,172 --> 00:45:44,140
BE ABLE TO DO THAT.
1369
00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:45,775
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN,
1370
00:45:45,776 --> 00:45:46,976
UNDEVELOPED HUMAN BEINGS AND
1371
00:45:46,977 --> 00:45:48,010
ALLOWING THEM TO MAKE DECISIONS
1372
00:45:48,011 --> 00:45:49,178
THAT IT WOULD IMPACT THE REST OF
1373
00:45:49,179 --> 00:45:51,047
THEIR LIVES, WE MUST PROTECT
1374
00:45:51,048 --> 00:45:53,583
THEM.
1375
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:57,353
[APPLAUSE]
1376
00:45:57,354 --> 00:45:59,322
FROM WHO?
1377
00:45:59,323 --> 00:46:01,958
WE ARE PEOPLE OF FAITH, BILL IS
1378
00:46:01,959 --> 00:46:07,330
NOT.
1379
00:46:07,331 --> 00:46:10,099
WE BELIEVE GOD GIVES HIS
1380
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:10,633
CHILDREN TO PARENTS, NOT
1381
00:46:10,634 --> 00:46:13,936
POLITICIANS IN NASHVILLE.
1382
00:46:13,937 --> 00:46:15,338
THE TENNESSEE LEGISLATURE
1383
00:46:15,339 --> 00:46:16,839
DOESN'T ADDRESS THE CHIEF CAUSE
1384
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,175
OF CHILDHOOD DEATH WHICH IS
1385
00:46:19,176 --> 00:46:19,876
GUNS, WHY SHOULD POLITICIANS--
1386
00:46:19,877 --> 00:46:21,677
Bill: THERE TO GO
1387
00:46:21,678 --> 00:46:22,345
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ISSUES.
1388
00:46:22,346 --> 00:46:25,314
THE ISSUE IS QUITE THE REVERSE.
1389
00:46:25,315 --> 00:46:27,483
OUT HERE IN CALIFORNIA AND IN
1390
00:46:27,484 --> 00:46:28,684
NEW JERSEY, IT'S THE SCHOOLS WHO
1391
00:46:28,685 --> 00:46:30,920
ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN TELL THE
1392
00:46:30,921 --> 00:46:31,187
PARENTS--
1393
00:46:31,188 --> 00:46:35,525
THAT'S CRAZY.
1394
00:46:35,526 --> 00:46:36,859
Bill: WHO WAS NOT BEING
1395
00:46:36,860 --> 00:46:38,928
PROTECTED I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1396
00:46:38,929 --> 00:46:40,129
YOUR POINT?
1397
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:41,164
THEY ARE NOT PROTECTING THE
1398
00:46:41,165 --> 00:46:42,532
CHILDREN FROM PEOPLE COMING IN
1399
00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:45,301
AND TAKING ADVANTAGE I THINK OF
1400
00:46:45,302 --> 00:46:46,369
YOUNG FOLKS WHO DON'T KNOW
1401
00:46:46,370 --> 00:46:47,570
WHAT'S GOING ON, I DIDN'T KNOW
1402
00:46:47,571 --> 00:46:48,571
WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON WHEN
1403
00:46:48,572 --> 00:46:50,640
I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD, I WAS
1404
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:52,175
UNHAPPY WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER IF
1405
00:46:52,176 --> 00:46:53,342
SOMEONE OFFERED THIS AS A
1406
00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:54,810
SOLUTION I MIGHT GO FOR IT AND
1407
00:46:54,811 --> 00:46:56,245
THEY HAVE DONE STUDIES SINCE
1408
00:46:56,246 --> 00:46:58,548
THEN, THAT'S WHY AMERICA IS AN
1409
00:46:58,549 --> 00:46:59,615
OUTLIER COUNTRY WITH THIS.
1410
00:46:59,616 --> 00:47:01,250
ALL THE OTHER COUNTRIES PULLED
1411
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,652
BACK BECAUSE THEY SAID WE DON'T
1412
00:47:02,653 --> 00:47:04,954
KNOW AND SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST
1413
00:47:04,955 --> 00:47:06,589
GAY AND SOMETIMES THEY'RE JUST
1414
00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:07,823
CONFUSED OR DEPRESSED BUT ONCE
1415
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:08,591
YOU START TAKING OFF BODY PARTS
1416
00:47:08,592 --> 00:47:10,459
YOU CAN'T REVERSE IT, THANK YOU
1417
00:47:10,460 --> 00:47:15,865
VERY MUCH, I GOT TO GO--
1418
00:47:15,866 --> 00:47:20,303
[LAUGHTER]
1419
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:20,770
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1420
00:47:20,771 --> 00:47:22,038
♪ ♪
1421
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:22,772
NEW RULE: SOMEONE HAS TO TELL
1422
00:47:22,773 --> 00:47:23,372
ICE AGENTS THAT WE UNDERSTAND
1423
00:47:23,373 --> 00:47:24,240
THEY HAVE DIFFICULT JOB TO DO,
1424
00:47:24,241 --> 00:47:24,840
BUT WE WILL DEFEND THESE TACO
1425
00:47:24,841 --> 00:47:33,616
STANDS WITH GUNS.
1426
00:47:33,617 --> 00:47:34,750
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1427
00:47:34,751 --> 00:47:35,384
YOU WANT TO HIT THE CAR WASHES?
1428
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:35,785
BAD IDEA, BUT OK.
1429
00:47:35,786 --> 00:47:36,319
OUTSIDE HOME DEPOT?
1430
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,821
SO STUPID, BUT WHATEVER.
1431
00:47:38,822 --> 00:47:39,622
BUT THE PEOPLE WORKING THE TACO
1432
00:47:39,623 --> 00:47:40,690
STANDS?
1433
00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:49,532
THEY'RE ON BASE.
1434
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:50,800
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1435
00:47:50,801 --> 00:47:51,434
SIGNED, EVERYONE WHO WALKS OUT
1436
00:47:51,435 --> 00:47:57,240
OF A BAR AT 2:00AM.
1437
00:47:57,241 --> 00:47:59,175
[LAUGHTER]
1438
00:47:59,176 --> 00:47:59,442
[APPLAUSE]
1439
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:07,016
NEW RULE: NOW THAT THERE'S A
1440
00:48:07,017 --> 00:48:09,652
MOVIE CALLED "BRIDE HARD"
1441
00:48:09,653 --> 00:48:12,355
SOMEONE HAS TO TELL HOLLYWOOD
1442
00:48:12,356 --> 00:48:13,723
SCREENWRITERS IS NOT HILARIOUS
1443
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:16,325
TO CALL YOUR MOVIE "HARD."
1444
00:48:16,326 --> 00:48:18,027
SPY HARD, WALK HARD, LOVE HARD
1445
00:48:18,028 --> 00:48:18,294
WE'VE HAD
1446
00:48:18,295 --> 00:48:18,628
AND GET HARD.
1447
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:19,195
I'M SAVING MY MONEY FOR MEL
1448
00:48:19,196 --> 00:48:19,795
GIBSON'S SEQUEL TO THE PASSION
1449
00:48:19,796 --> 00:48:20,429
OF THE CHRIST, DIE AND COME BACK
1450
00:48:20,430 --> 00:48:29,505
FROM THE DEAD HARD.
1451
00:48:29,506 --> 00:48:30,606
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1452
00:48:30,607 --> 00:48:31,674
NEW RULE: YOU CAN'T CALL THE
1453
00:48:31,675 --> 00:48:32,742
COPS IF A STRIPPER REFUSES TO
1454
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:33,442
GET YOU OFF IN THE CHAMPAGNE
1455
00:48:33,443 --> 00:48:40,082
ROOM.
1456
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:43,819
THAT'S WHAT SULTAN AL NO-FEE -
1457
00:48:43,820 --> 00:48:46,622
OF COURSE, A FLORIDA MAN - DID
1458
00:48:46,623 --> 00:48:47,556
RECENTLY, AND I'D LIKE TO SAY TO
1459
00:48:47,557 --> 00:48:48,190
HIM, C'MON MAN, THE COPS HAVE
1460
00:48:48,191 --> 00:48:52,395
ENOUGH ON THEIR PLATES.
1461
00:48:52,396 --> 00:48:54,430
THIS ISSUE CAN BE RESOLVED BY A
1462
00:48:54,431 --> 00:48:57,700
SIMPLE UPGRADING OF BATHROOM
1463
00:48:57,701 --> 00:48:58,401
WALLS: "CALL JENNY FOR A GOOD
1464
00:48:58,402 --> 00:49:00,336
TIME."
1465
00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:01,270
"CALL TIFFANY WITH AN ISSUE WITH
1466
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:02,938
YOUR BILL."
1467
00:49:02,939 --> 00:49:03,506
"CALL JASMINE TO CONTINUE IN
1468
00:49:03,507 --> 00:49:08,811
SPANISH."
1469
00:49:08,812 --> 00:49:11,414
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
1470
00:49:11,415 --> 00:49:13,115
[LAUGHTER]
1471
00:49:13,116 --> 00:49:13,382
[APPLAUSE]
1472
00:49:13,383 --> 00:49:14,150
NEW RULE: THE TWO WOMEN
1473
00:49:14,151 --> 00:49:15,785
CONVICTED LAST WEEK OF FORCED
1474
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,486
LABOR WHO WERE RUNNING A SEX
1475
00:49:17,487 --> 00:49:21,223
CULT THAT PRACTICES "ORGASMIC
1476
00:49:21,224 --> 00:49:22,391
MEDITATION" - HAVE TO ADMIT
1477
00:49:22,392 --> 00:49:23,559
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS
1478
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:27,530
"ORGASMIC MEDITATION."
1479
00:49:27,531 --> 00:49:27,797
[LAUGHTER]
1480
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:28,497
IN THE VENN DIAGRAM OF "ORGASMS"
1481
00:49:28,498 --> 00:49:31,901
AND "MEDITATION," THERE'S NO
1482
00:49:31,902 --> 00:49:32,535
OVERLAP, AND IF THERE IS, YOU'RE
1483
00:49:32,536 --> 00:49:39,842
DOING IT WRONG.
1484
00:49:39,843 --> 00:49:41,811
[LAUGHTER]
1485
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:42,078
[APPLAUSE]
1486
00:49:42,079 --> 00:49:44,046
I'VE SEEN A LOT OF BUDDHA
1487
00:49:44,047 --> 00:49:47,416
STATUES IN THAI RESTAURANTS AND
1488
00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:48,250
THE BACKYARDS OF ACTRESSES, AND
1489
00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:48,884
NOT ONCE IS BUDDHA MAKING THE "O
1490
00:49:48,885 --> 00:49:54,857
FACE."
1491
00:49:54,858 --> 00:49:55,124
[LAUGHTER]
1492
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:56,225
NEW RULE: IF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
1493
00:49:56,226 --> 00:49:58,160
WANTS TO BE SEEN AS MODERNIZING,
1494
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:05,301
THEY HAVE TO RECONSIDER PUTTING
1495
00:50:05,302 --> 00:50:05,901
ST. TERESA ON DISPLAY AS THEY
1496
00:50:05,902 --> 00:50:06,535
HAVE DONE PERIODICALLY OVER THE
1497
00:50:06,536 --> 00:50:07,136
YEARS SINCE HER DEATH IN 1582.
1498
00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:07,970
THE CHURCH SAYS IT'S PRACTICALLY
1499
00:50:07,971 --> 00:50:08,604
A MIRACLE HOW WELL PRESERVED SHE
1500
00:50:08,605 --> 00:50:10,072
IS.
1501
00:50:10,073 --> 00:50:12,041
WELL...
1502
00:50:12,042 --> 00:50:13,642
HERE SHE IS AS BERNINI SCULPTED
1503
00:50:13,643 --> 00:50:15,344
HER IN 1652, AND HERE SHE IS
1504
00:50:15,345 --> 00:50:22,084
TODAY.
1505
00:50:22,085 --> 00:50:23,252
[LAUGHTER]
1506
00:50:23,253 --> 00:50:26,322
AGELESS.
1507
00:50:26,323 --> 00:50:26,589
[LAUGHTER]
1508
00:50:26,590 --> 00:50:30,960
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT HER.
1509
00:50:30,961 --> 00:50:31,193
AMAZING!
1510
00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:31,527
BERNINI.
1511
00:50:31,528 --> 00:50:37,500
REALITY.
1512
00:50:37,501 --> 00:50:38,167
AND THAT'S WHY ST. TERESA IS THE
1513
00:50:38,168 --> 00:50:39,001
PATRON SAINT OF THE PHOTOS ON
1514
00:50:39,002 --> 00:50:48,644
OKCUPID.
1515
00:50:48,645 --> 00:50:49,311
[LAUGHTER]
1516
00:50:49,312 --> 00:50:50,112
LET'S MAKE THE FATHER'S DAY WE
1517
00:50:50,113 --> 00:50:50,379
[APPLAUSE]
1518
00:50:50,380 --> 00:50:52,381
JUST CELEBRATED THE LAST ONE
1519
00:50:52,382 --> 00:50:53,816
THAT TAKES PLACE IN A CULTURE
1520
00:50:53,817 --> 00:50:56,519
WHERE DADS HAVE BECOME SUCH
1521
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,654
PUNCHING BAGS - LITERALLY THE
1522
00:50:58,655 --> 00:51:00,189
LAST DEMOGRAPHIC GROUP THAT TV,
1523
00:51:00,190 --> 00:51:01,390
ADS AND MOVIES CAN STILL DEPICT
1524
00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:08,597
AS CLUELESS, USELESS DIPSHITS -
1525
00:51:08,598 --> 00:51:08,864
[LAUGHTER]
1526
00:51:08,865 --> 00:51:09,432
BASICALLY JUST ANOTHER CHILD
1527
00:51:09,433 --> 00:51:11,834
THAT MOM HAS TO LOOK AFTER.
1528
00:51:11,835 --> 00:51:14,470
EVERY SITCOM IS "TONIGHT ON ABC,
1529
00:51:14,471 --> 00:51:18,441
LARRY BURNS DOWN THE HOUSE," AND
1530
00:51:18,442 --> 00:51:20,810
THE TAGLINE IN THE COMMERCIAL
1531
00:51:20,811 --> 00:51:21,410
FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT IS
1532
00:51:21,411 --> 00:51:22,044
BASICALLY "BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND
1533
00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:25,514
IS A MORON."
1534
00:51:25,515 --> 00:51:26,849
MOVING IN TOGETHER.
1535
00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:28,551
IT'S A BIG STEP.
1536
00:51:28,552 --> 00:51:30,753
A TEST.
1537
00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:31,921
A TEST THAT JEFF FAILED
1538
00:51:31,922 --> 00:51:46,302
MISERABLY.
1539
00:51:46,303 --> 00:51:46,969
Bill: I'M NOT SURE WHEN THIS
1540
00:51:46,970 --> 00:51:53,342
TREND STARTED, BUT I'M GOING TO
1541
00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:54,009
BLAME THE 1987 MOVIE THREE MEN
1542
00:51:54,010 --> 00:51:55,010
AND A BABY, THE PREMISE OF WHICH
1543
00:51:55,011 --> 00:51:55,611
IS THAT THREE GROWN MEN CAN'T
1544
00:51:55,612 --> 00:51:57,746
MANAGE TO KEEP A BABY ALIVE.
1545
00:51:57,747 --> 00:51:59,748
THE SAME YEAR GAVE US MARRIED
1546
00:51:59,749 --> 00:52:01,584
WITH CHILDREN, WITH ITS IDIOT
1547
00:52:01,585 --> 00:52:04,453
SHOE SALESMAN OF A FATHER,
1548
00:52:04,454 --> 00:52:06,188
FOLLOWED BY AN ENDLESS PARADE OF
1549
00:52:06,189 --> 00:52:09,258
EYEROLL, SHORT BUS DADS - HOMER
1550
00:52:09,259 --> 00:52:14,430
SIMPSON, FAMILY GUY, MODERN
1551
00:52:14,431 --> 00:52:15,030
FAMILY, MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE,
1552
00:52:15,031 --> 00:52:15,998
EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, HOME
1553
00:52:15,999 --> 00:52:17,600
IMPROVEMENT, ACCORDING TO JIM•
1554
00:52:17,601 --> 00:52:19,034
AND IT'S NOT JUST THE OLD
1555
00:52:19,035 --> 00:52:21,570
SCHOOL, BROADCAST TV SITCOMS -
1556
00:52:21,571 --> 00:52:23,706
IT'S EVERYWHERE - IT'S HIGHBROW
1557
00:52:23,707 --> 00:52:25,307
STREAMING STUFF, IT'S MAJOR
1558
00:52:25,308 --> 00:52:26,976
MOTION PICTURES, IT'S MINOR
1559
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:30,446
MOTION PICTURES - IT'S IN
1560
00:52:30,447 --> 00:52:32,081
EVERYTHING.
1561
00:52:32,082 --> 00:52:35,384
AND LOOK, I KNOW I DON'T HAVE
1562
00:52:35,385 --> 00:52:37,987
ANY KIDS - I MADE A DIFFERENT
1563
00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:40,556
CHOICE IN LIFE AND DECIDED TO
1564
00:52:40,557 --> 00:52:44,760
HAVE MONEY -
1565
00:52:44,761 --> 00:52:51,300
[LAUGHTER]
1566
00:52:51,301 --> 00:52:51,934
BUT ALL THESE SHOWS, THEY CAN'T
1567
00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:52,501
ALL BE LYING ABOUT WHAT IT'S
1568
00:52:52,502 --> 00:52:57,940
LIKE TO HAVE KIDS.
1569
00:52:57,941 --> 00:53:00,676
YOUR EQ IS OFF THE CHARTS.
1570
00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:02,311
I'M NICK NOW?
1571
00:53:02,312 --> 00:53:03,946
WHAT HAPPENED TO DAD THE?
1572
00:53:03,947 --> 00:53:06,148
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT HAPPENED
1573
00:53:06,149 --> 00:53:07,349
TO DAD TO.
1574
00:53:07,350 --> 00:53:09,718
ASSHOLE, I HAD COMING HERE.
1575
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:10,920
IT'S ONLY $10.
1576
00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:12,555
DO YOU HEAR HOW THEY TALK TO
1577
00:53:12,556 --> 00:53:13,122
ME?
1578
00:53:13,123 --> 00:53:15,057
YOU'VE GOT TO SAY SOMETHING.
1579
00:53:15,058 --> 00:53:16,926
HOLD ON, WHEN ARE YOU GUYS
1580
00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:18,661
PLANNING ON COMING HOME?
1581
00:53:18,662 --> 00:53:20,095
11 OR 12?
1582
00:53:20,096 --> 00:53:21,297
YOU KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE SCHOOL
1583
00:53:21,298 --> 00:53:22,498
TOMORROW?
1584
00:53:22,499 --> 00:53:24,300
THAT'S TRUE, WE DO, HE'S
1585
00:53:24,301 --> 00:53:25,501
RIGHT.
1586
00:53:25,502 --> 00:53:33,242
IT'S ALL GOOD, COME ON.
1587
00:53:33,243 --> 00:53:35,210
Bill: KIDS TODAY:
1588
00:53:35,211 --> 00:53:36,078
THEY'RE LIKE TRUMP, THEY THINK
1589
00:53:36,079 --> 00:53:40,082
THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO THEM.
1590
00:53:40,083 --> 00:53:40,783
AND MOM?
1591
00:53:40,784 --> 00:53:41,216
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1592
00:53:41,217 --> 00:53:41,850
SHE'S ALWAYS THE SMART ONE, THE
1593
00:53:41,851 --> 00:53:44,987
GOOD ONE, HE'S JUST LUCKY TO BE
1594
00:53:44,988 --> 00:53:46,855
IN HER ORBIT.
1595
00:53:46,856 --> 00:53:47,456
AND I GET IT THAT THIS IS A
1596
00:53:47,457 --> 00:53:48,090
CORRECTION TO CENTURIES OF WOMEN
1597
00:53:48,091 --> 00:53:50,926
BEING DEEMED THE "WEAKER SEX,"
1598
00:53:50,927 --> 00:53:51,560
BUT HOW LONG DOES THE CORRECTION
1599
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,762
LAST?
1600
00:53:53,763 --> 00:53:55,364
AND WHEN WILL MEN STOP MAKING ME
1601
00:53:55,365 --> 00:54:01,270
THROW UP IN MY MOUTH WITH THE
1602
00:54:01,271 --> 00:54:03,038
WAY THEY PANDER SO NAKEDLY: RYAN
1603
00:54:03,039 --> 00:54:04,573
GOSLING SAYS "I THINK WOMEN ARE
1604
00:54:04,574 --> 00:54:05,241
BETTER THAN MEN• THEY'RE BETTER
1605
00:54:06,776 --> 00:54:10,646
T-SHIRT AGREES.
1606
00:54:10,647 --> 00:54:12,581
TERRY CREWS BELIEVES IT: •"WOMEN
1607
00:54:12,582 --> 00:54:17,353
ARE• SMARTER THAN MEN FOR REAL!"
1608
00:54:17,354 --> 00:54:20,522
HE SAYS, AND EVEN BARACK OBAMA
1609
00:54:20,523 --> 00:54:21,223
SAYS ABOUT WOMEN THAT "WHAT I
1610
00:54:21,224 --> 00:54:21,824
CAN SAY PRETTY INDISPUTABLY IS
1611
00:54:21,825 --> 00:54:22,491
THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN US."
1612
00:54:22,492 --> 00:54:24,526
REALLY?
1613
00:54:24,527 --> 00:54:25,194
BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER
1614
00:54:25,195 --> 00:54:35,871
MICHELLE TAKING OUT BIN-LADEN.
1615
00:54:35,872 --> 00:54:39,441
[LAUGHTER]
1616
00:54:39,442 --> 00:54:39,708
[APPLAUSE]
1617
00:54:39,709 --> 00:54:40,342
AND HERE'S WILL FERRELL'S QUICK
1618
00:54:40,343 --> 00:54:42,277
HUMAN HISTORY RECAP:
1619
00:54:42,278 --> 00:54:45,214
MEN, WE'VE BEEN RUNNING THE
1620
00:54:45,215 --> 00:54:46,849
SHOW SINCE, WHAT, 10,000 B.C.?
1621
00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,284
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
1622
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:50,953
AND WE'RE NOT DOING SO GOOD...
1623
00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:51,687
ISN'T IT JUST TIME FOR WOMEN TO
1624
00:54:51,688 --> 00:54:57,626
RUN THE PLANET?
1625
00:54:57,627 --> 00:55:01,163
Bill: A SENTIMENT LEONARD
1626
00:55:01,164 --> 00:55:01,797
COHEN CONCURS WITH, SAYING• I
1627
00:55:01,798 --> 00:55:02,765
WISH THE WOMEN WOULD HURRY UP
1628
00:55:02,766 --> 00:55:04,667
AND TAKE OVER.
1629
00:55:04,668 --> 00:55:05,334
WELL, MANY OF THEM HAVE, AND IT
1630
00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:05,934
WASN'T THAT DIFFERENT: QUEEN
1631
00:55:05,935 --> 00:55:06,535
MARY BURNED 300 PEOPLE AT THE
1632
00:55:06,536 --> 00:55:08,070
STAKE JUST FOR BEING PROTESTANT.
1633
00:55:08,071 --> 00:55:09,638
CLEOPATRA, CATHERINE THE GREAT,
1634
00:55:09,639 --> 00:55:10,939
GOLDA MEIR, INDIRA GANDHI, NONE
1635
00:55:10,940 --> 00:55:13,142
OF THEM WERE ANY LESS VIOLENT OR
1636
00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:14,576
HARD-ASS THAN MEN.
1637
00:55:14,577 --> 00:55:16,512
HILLARY VOTED FOR THE IRAQ WAR.
1638
00:55:16,513 --> 00:55:17,112
MARIE ANTIONETTE LET THEM EAT
1639
00:55:17,113 --> 00:55:22,818
CAKE.
1640
00:55:22,819 --> 00:55:25,554
SO BESIDES BEING HISTORICALLY
1641
00:55:25,555 --> 00:55:27,122
NAIVE, THIS CRINGY PANDERING IS
1642
00:55:27,123 --> 00:55:29,391
WHY TEENAGE BOYS FLOCK TO JERKS
1643
00:55:29,392 --> 00:55:31,727
LIKE ANDREW TATE.
1644
00:55:31,728 --> 00:55:32,895
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS,
1645
00:55:32,896 --> 00:55:36,365
YOUR TEENAGE SON DOES: HE'S AN
1646
00:55:36,366 --> 00:55:38,967
ACCUSED RAPIST TURNED
1647
00:55:38,968 --> 00:55:40,703
"INFLUENCER" WHOSE VIDEOS GET
1648
00:55:40,704 --> 00:55:41,770
BILLIONS OF VIEWS WHERE HE SAYS
1649
00:55:41,771 --> 00:55:43,205
THINGS LIKE WOMEN SHOULD BEAR
1650
00:55:43,206 --> 00:55:45,274
RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING
1651
00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:48,043
SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.
1652
00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:51,080
YES, HE'S A HUGE ASSHOLE - AND
1653
00:55:51,081 --> 00:55:53,082
YOUR KID THINKS HE'S COOL.
1654
00:55:53,083 --> 00:55:54,516
BECAUSE THAT'S THE CHOICE OF
1655
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,317
ROLE MODELS THAT AN AMERICAN
1656
00:55:55,318 --> 00:55:58,353
TEENAGE BOY HAS: EITHER
1657
00:55:58,354 --> 00:55:58,987
PERFORMATIVE PUSSYHOOD OR THE
1658
00:55:58,988 --> 00:56:01,256
MANOSPHERE.
1659
00:56:01,257 --> 00:56:02,357
JESUS, CAN'T THE PENDULUM EVER
1660
00:56:02,358 --> 00:56:03,358
LAND IN THE MIDDLE IN THIS
1661
00:56:03,359 --> 00:56:08,964
COUNTRY?
1662
00:56:08,965 --> 00:56:10,265
CAN'T WE HAVE SOMETHING IN
1663
00:56:10,266 --> 00:56:14,136
BETWEEN A COMPLETE CUCK WHO
1664
00:56:14,137 --> 00:56:15,270
DARES NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH FOR
1665
00:56:15,271 --> 00:56:15,971
FEAR OF MANSPLAINING AND• OWNING
1666
00:56:15,972 --> 00:56:23,212
A TIGER?
1667
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:23,912
[LAUGHTER]
1668
00:56:23,913 --> 00:56:24,179
[APPLAUSE]
1669
00:56:24,180 --> 00:56:25,047
THE DEMOCRATS ARE ALWAYS ASKING
1670
00:56:25,048 --> 00:56:26,048
"HOW DO WE WIN BACK MEN?"
1671
00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:27,783
JUST BE REAL.
1672
00:56:27,784 --> 00:56:28,884
NOT A MONSTER, AND NOT A
1673
00:56:28,885 --> 00:56:38,427
DOORMAT, IS THAT SO HARD?
1674
00:56:38,428 --> 00:56:38,694
[APPLAUSE]
1675
00:56:38,695 --> 00:56:39,294
AND AS FAR AS THE "LAST 10,000
1676
00:56:39,295 --> 00:56:42,331
YEARS" THING?
1677
00:56:42,332 --> 00:56:43,599
WHO INVENTED THE WHEEL AND
1678
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:44,867
FIGURED OUT FIRE?
1679
00:56:44,868 --> 00:56:45,901
I DON'T KNOW, NO ONE KNOWS -
1680
00:56:45,902 --> 00:56:48,070
TOTALLY COULD HAVE BEEN A WOMAN.
1681
00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:50,139
AND WOMEN THROUGHOUT HISTORY
1682
00:56:50,140 --> 00:56:51,507
UNDOUBTEDLY WOULD HAVE
1683
00:56:51,508 --> 00:56:53,575
CONTRIBUTED MORE IF MEN HAD
1684
00:56:53,576 --> 00:56:55,010
TAKEN THEM MORE SERIOUSLY, LIKE
1685
00:56:55,011 --> 00:56:56,145
THOSE AFRICAN-AMERICAN MATH
1686
00:56:56,146 --> 00:56:57,112
WIZZES AT NASA WHO HELPED PUT A
1687
00:56:57,113 --> 00:57:06,688
MAN ON THE MOON.
1688
00:57:06,689 --> 00:57:06,955
[APPLAUSE]
1689
00:57:06,956 --> 00:57:08,223
BUT LET'S NOT PRETEND, MY FELLOW
1690
00:57:08,224 --> 00:57:11,293
HUMANS WITH A PENIS WHO ARE SO
1691
00:57:11,294 --> 00:57:13,562
DOWN ON YOURSELVES, THAT YOUR
1692
00:57:13,563 --> 00:57:15,964
CONVENIENT, PLEASANT, CUSHY
1693
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:18,467
LIVES WOULD BE ANYTHING CLOSE TO
1694
00:57:18,468 --> 00:57:20,202
THAT WITHOUT A FEW LITTLE THINGS
1695
00:57:20,203 --> 00:57:22,104
THAT MEN CONTRIBUTED.
1696
00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:23,739
LIKE ELECTRICITY.
1697
00:57:23,740 --> 00:57:25,140
AND BATTERIES.
1698
00:57:25,141 --> 00:57:27,042
AND MOVIES, MICROPHONES, THE
1699
00:57:27,043 --> 00:57:29,077
PLOW, THE COMPASS, THE CLOCK,
1700
00:57:29,078 --> 00:57:30,245
THE ALARM CLOCK, THE PRINTING
1701
00:57:30,246 --> 00:57:33,682
PRESS, THE INTERNET, THE TOILET,
1702
00:57:33,683 --> 00:57:36,118
THE TELESCOPE, PENICILLIN,
1703
00:57:36,119 --> 00:57:37,419
PLANES, THE MAGNA CARTA, THE
1704
00:57:37,420 --> 00:57:39,154
TELEPHONE, THE SMARTPHONE,
1705
00:57:39,155 --> 00:57:41,824
ROCKETS, THE THEORY OF UNIVERSAL
1706
00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:42,958
GRAVITATION, REFRIGERATION, AIR
1707
00:57:42,959 --> 00:57:46,595
CONDITIONING, THE THEORY OF
1708
00:57:46,596 --> 00:57:47,496
EVOLUTION, THE COMPUTER, A.I.
1709
00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:52,968
- SORRY ABOUT THAT ONE - AND TH
1710
00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:53,235
[LAUGHTER]
1711
00:57:53,236 --> 00:58:02,544
GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL.
1712
00:58:02,545 --> 00:58:04,379
MEN BUILT THE RAILROADS AND THE
1713
00:58:04,380 --> 00:58:06,014
ROAD ROADS, NOT TO MENTION
1714
00:58:06,015 --> 00:58:07,749
DEMOCRACY AND THE BILL OF RIGHTS
1715
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:09,651
AND, OH YEAH, DYING BY THE TENS
1716
00:58:09,652 --> 00:58:11,286
OF MILLIONS TO END SLAVERY,
1717
00:58:11,287 --> 00:58:12,287
DEFEAT FASCISM, AND FACE DOWN
1718
00:58:12,288 --> 00:58:15,090
COMMUNISM.
1719
00:58:15,091 --> 00:58:17,292
WHEN YOUR POWER GOES OUT AND
1720
00:58:17,293 --> 00:58:18,427
COMES BACK ON IN 20 MINUTES,
1721
00:58:18,428 --> 00:58:19,494
THAT'S BECAUSE A MAN IN A
1722
00:58:19,495 --> 00:58:21,530
RAINCOAT WENT OUT IN THE WIND
1723
00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:23,632
AND THE LIGHTNING AND CLIMBED A
1724
00:58:23,633 --> 00:58:26,468
POLE AND FUCKED WITH LIVE WIRES
1725
00:58:26,469 --> 00:58:28,203
- I'M JUST SAYING: MEN?
1726
00:58:28,204 --> 00:58:34,877
WE'RE NOT COMPLETELY USELESS -
1727
00:58:34,878 --> 00:58:35,744
SO IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT TO GET
1728
00:58:35,745 --> 00:58:36,712
DAD NEXT FATHER'S DAY?
1729
00:58:36,713 --> 00:58:44,620
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE RESPECT?
1730
00:58:44,621 --> 00:58:46,288
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU WERE
1731
00:58:46,289 --> 00:58:47,222
TERRIFIC.
1732
00:58:47,223 --> 00:58:49,458
WE ARE OFF THE MONTH OF JULY.
1733
00:58:49,459 --> 00:58:49,992
WANT TO THANK THESE GUYS,
1734
00:58:49,993 --> 00:58:54,329
DAVE BARRY.
1735
00:58:54,330 --> 00:58:54,930
CLUB RANDOM DROPS EVERY SUNDAY
1736
00:58:54,931 --> 00:58:55,530
ON YOUTUBE, OR LISTEN WHEREVER
1737
00:58:55,531 --> 00:58:55,998
YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS.
1738
00:58:55,999 --> 00:58:56,732
NOW GO WATCH "OVERTIME" ON
1739
00:58:56,733 --> 00:59:00,903
YOUTUBE.
1740
00:59:00,904 --> 00:59:02,104
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
1741
00:59:02,105 --> 00:59:04,773
GENTLEMEN!
1742
00:59:04,774 --> 00:59:20,656
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1743
00:59:20,657 --> 00:59:21,724
♪ ♪
112701
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