Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, great Bandians all, I would like to welcome you to our

mayoral debate.

In the gray, we have our incumbent.

After being embattled with corruption charges and general mayhem, he is now

running for his ninth term, Mayor Edward C.

Dodge.

And for the first time, he is opposed by a challenger. The undertaker slash

medical examiner won Vernon Shane.

Okay.

Pinwell. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's begin.

As the country has begun to tame this land, there's been more and more of an

outcry for arms control.

Guns. Guns.

Guns are what we are.

All about. In fact, when I was little, my nickname, as some of you might know,

was Half Loath.

Beavers. Yeah.

As you know, more and more men are wearing beavers on their head. Would you

us your opinion on this fad?

As long as we, as nobody, if... People don't say, you can't do that.

Then I'm for it. And believe me, I've, in my line of work... Would you

please ask her to stop talking? I don't know who you are. You're not from here.

I'm his campaign manager. This is Vernon's cousin and campaign manager,

Clementine. Is she allowed to be here? Of course. It's a democracy, Mayor.

You're supposed to be neutral. I don't know what you're doing. I am neutral.

You're not neutral.

This is neutral. You sound hostile. Your look to me is hostility. You look

pleasant, but what's coming out from your mouth is hostility.

Let me tell you that one of the things I'm for in this town is... Freedom from

tyranny. Freedom from Tiffany, who was not something that we need here. Your

cousin is saying freedom from tyranny. I'll handle this.

Mayor. She's not from our city. It doesn't matter. I am the moderator.

I'm moderating. I'm doing a good job.

I would like to know what either of you plan to do about the crotch rot.

Let's go to you, Mayor.

Crotch rot in the whores.

This is about hygiene.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

You want clean water? Yeah. That would be great. Do you like the fact that we

have a train now that comes in here and a train station?

Do you?

Do you like hats?

Well, I'm the person that's going to deliver that.

You're welcome.

Vernon Shank wins.

You can't say Vernon Shank wins. He hasn't won anything.

They won the debate.

That's my job.

Somebody has to tell the people what to think. What?

What are you talking about?

The entire purpose of a newspaper.

Yeah, to feed us ideas. You think everybody in town doesn't know what to

I have no idea what to think. There you go. I'm supposed to influence public

opinion. I don't even know why you're a newspaper editor.

You're a school teacher. Where are your children?

You've seen most of them come through your business. They're dead.

Almost all of them are dead. The smallpox and the Ferguson twins were

by a rabid badger out near the lake. My God, if I see another rabid badger, is

every badger rabid? There was the mule incident out at the Hoskins farm, which

took both Jesse, Claire, and Tula. That was a slip and fall from the excrement?

Well, we're still piecing it together.

Oh, three of them break their necks? Yes.

Clementine. What is this? Okay, give her a moment.

Give her a moment. We've lost.

We've lost the election.

Take that back. We can't eat that. We don't eat meat. It is bad for you and

inhumane. Why is that a problem? It's not like I put an eyeball in it. Oh, my

goodness. And we're the people behind the bars.

Well, you kind of murdered a person.

Allegedly. It was an accident on purpose killing.

Yeah.

I thought the food was good.

Thank you, Eli. I'm glad you enjoyed it. There's a lot of love in here.

Way to meet y 'all together.

Yeah, we're married.

Ah.

This is the last time I'm cooking for your people. Oh, great. Now look at

Now we don't have any food. Your marriage is over, and we don't have

you just let us go. And we can sit in the jail in Nicodemus. Yeah. Because you

know we ain't going to get no kind of fair trial here. Actually, we've got a

of reforms coming through. Oh, here we go.

Reforms. No, we got a new mayor running.

You met him, Vernon Shank.

He's running on the Republican ticket in town.

Republican? He's a Republican?

Yeah. Well, why didn't you say that? That's the party of black people.

And let me tell you something. There will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be a

Negro who does not vote Republican in this country.

Preach like our beloved President Abraham Lincoln. Oh, God bless them.

say Republican, I say Republican.

The election hasn't been counted. How can we lose?

Someone outside handed me a very disturbing photograph.

Brace yourselves, gentlemen.

What is it?

Oh, no.

They're corpses.

Well, recently deceased.

They're not corpses.

You can't take people's loved ones and stage them in tableaus for your own

entertainment and then photograph them. Well, look how happy they are. Look at

old Mr. Walters. Ever seen a smile like that before?

Oh, God.

Donut. Yeah?

This is the only picture, right?

Well, I know I took about 24.

You're as dead as the people in that photograph.

Yuck. Yeah.

I would like for you to take her out of here now and let me get back to my life.

I understand. I understand, Mayor. But you understand, though, how this is

to look.

Obviously, I see how it looks. Obviously, I was framed.

Well, I agree. If somebody wanted to frame you, this would be an excellent

to do it. Because 100 % of the people who hear about this are going to assume

you did it. I don't know.

She got here. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Calm down. Calm down. Calm

down.

Okay. All right.

Let's go back to last night. Let's go back. You came home.

I did. I came over here. I had a little bit of whiskey. How much is a little?

Oh, maybe a glass.

Just one glass?

Okay. Maybe like three, maybe a bottle. A bottle. So in your drunken state, who

knows what happened? I don't get that drunk on a tip of whiskey. I may not

you, and I don't.

And I don't like you.

But I like justice.

And if I find out that it's you...

You will die.

By a human's nose.

Could I put my clothes on before I go?

Eli's going to come with you. Yeah, I'm going to go with him, Eli.

Okay.

Ladies, this is the mayor.

He's accused of murder.

I am innocent.

So are we. We are innocent, too. This is absolutely ridiculous.

And it's going to ruin my chances of being re -elected as mayor.

Oh, you run it for me. Yeah, it would take a miracle.

And he's also running as a Democrat.

Oh. We would never vote for a Democrat.

Black people and Democrats. Like oil and water. Don't make... Yeah.

You can't vote anywhere. You're women.

Oh, let me tell you something. We are from Nicodemus, all right? Where women

vote. Oh, well, if you can vote in Nicodemus, you can vote here.

What? Well, any citizen of the surrounding area of Great Bend who has

rights shall be grandfathered in and given voting rights in the city of Great

Bend as well.

What? Were you just possessed by somebody smart?

Oil's been teaching me to read on the city charter.

Oh, okay, okay.

That's all wonderful, but we still would never vote for you. You still would

lose. You wouldn't get our votes. No. Democrat.

What if I could pardon you?

Oh. If I knew that you were going to vote for me. You know what?

I'm really interested in the democratic platform.

Yes. And the agenda that you possibly have.

Then if you walk contrary to me.

and will not hearken to me, I will bring more plagues upon you, sevenfold, as

many as your sins.

Don't you love the plagues? Yeah.

And now we will have a short musical tribute from Clementine's other

cousin, Earl. Earl. Oh, my darling, oh,

my darling.

My darling Clementine.

You were lost and gone forever.

I'm so sorry, Clementine.

All right,

all right. That went well. That went well. Thank you, Earl.

Wonderful, wonderful. Little long, little long.

That concludes our ceremony.

Thank you, Pearl. It really means the world that you came here.

It means so much.

There's a silver lining, Vernon.

It's that you're going to win the election.

I know, I know. It's amazing.

Let's not celebrate that, okay?

I'm not celebrating this shit. I just feel like it's inappropriate.

Goodbye, Clementine. You will be missed.

Very respectful man.

Afternoon, ladies.

Have a citizen who would like to vote?

Oh, come on.

So a murderer can vote, but women cannot. Can you explain that to me?

What is he doing here? Would you get him out? He's a killer. He's a murderer,

Sheriff. First of all, this man has not been convicted of anything.

Innocent. And secondly, what I'm about to tell you may just change your vote.

I went to the mayor's home where the body of this unfortunate young woman

her life cut short, looking a lot like Vernon Shank because she is his

Oh, wait, I knew that. Yeah, we've known that. That's nothing. We haven't

revealed anything there. However, at the scene of the crime, I didn't just look

at the body. I examined it.

You see, when a human is murdered, The blood and fluid falls downward.

You could kill somebody, put them in a bucket, and their buttocks would inflate

with all the blood and fluids, and then you pull them out of the bucket, and it

would take the shape of the bucket like a Bundt cake.

And the most interesting thing about Clementine, her blood settled on her

Why is that important?

Then why are you gasping?

I don't know.

Well, let me make the point first, because...

When I found the body, it was laying face up.

I didn't do it. I'm innocent.

I'm innocent.

That's right. You did not place Clementine's body in your bed. No, I did

You were framed. But the person who moved her body and framed you is in this

room.

You see, when I investigated the room, I found not only the body with the blood

settling the way it did, it also happened.

To touch the bedpost.

I found something.

What is it?

What is it? I looked down.

It was printer's ink! The sink got his fingers!

It's printer's ink! Is it on there? Oh, good.

Because when I picked it up, I didn't know for sure if it'd be on there. But I

could tell by your looks that I had guessed right.

Because you guys went, ah. Yeah. Okay.

That's right, Clay.

You moved the box. I moved it!

You framed me!

You went behind the schoolhouse, you saw her murdered body laying on her side,

and you knew that if that body was placed in the mayor's bed, it could turn

tide of the election. So you reached down, you carried her very carefully up

stairs of his apartment, opened up the door to his

bedroom, and there was the mayor's cell.

and you hauled that huge, huge body of Vernon's cousin into the bed.

And as you headed out, you paused to turn to admire your work, and you

onto the bedpost.

It makes no sense! I have no reason to do that!

I'll tell you why.

Because this man...

was cutting the funding to your schoolhouse. The infant mortality rate

combined with the amount of funding he's cutting, you were going to be out of

work. Sure, I was going to cut the funding. I moved her. I moved her body.

did not kill her.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, that's right.

You did move her body.

But he didn't kill her. No, the murderer is still in this saloon.

Voting is difficult.

Support

your

weight.

I'm so sorry.

I should take over your ballot.

That's no problem. Dodge. There you go.

Here's my ballot.

Ladies, you dropped your pencils.

One for the road. One for the road.

Well, if he didn't kill her, then who did? I'll tell you, my future fiancé.

The person who killed Clementine Shank had motive.

It went all the way to the top.

You killed her!

I knew it! No, I did not kill her! You did!

And this is slander!

Where would you even hear such a thing?

I read her journal.

Diary, October 15th. We did something really exciting today. We broke into

Shank's apartment and made love all over it.

No.

I... We fornicated.

Oral. Okay, I don't need to know that.

Dear Diary, my cousin is missing some incriminating photographs with all the

dead people, the embarrassing ones that could ruin his election. They're gone.

Oh, and by the way, I'm sure that Mayor Dodge must have stolen those photos when

he was with me and we were making love on my cousin's bed.

I'm going to confront him today. I hope it goes well.

Love, Clementine. And what did you do? You took out your little trimmer

that you use for your ear hair and you stabbed her. And you stabbed her. And

stabbed her over and over and over and over again. You killed Clementine.

Yes, you did. You did.

And both of you will be going to jail. Me?

What? This one for murder and this one for framing an elected official.

No one can kill anybody with those little scissors. I'm not going to jail.

you are. I'm not going to jail. You are going to jail.

I shot the

sheriff in the...

Well, you didn't shoot the deputy. I know.

Get these out of here. What is the plan? What are we doing?

How could you possibly miss this? I honestly don't know.

Good luck. Oh, that don't go very well right now.

Mr. Mayor, Tidwell, it's over.

Put the guns down.

Yes, you did.

Yeah, that's my fault. See, the gun there was loaded with table salt because

meant to have rock salt so that I could scare away the animals.

Animals that you like, not the ones you want to kill. Okay, okay. It's a long

story, but it doesn't have any bullets in it. Now, Mayor, put the gun down.

Slow and easy.

Don't look at each other. Put it down. Nice. I'm not going to jail.

Don't do that. Stop it.

I'm clean.

Gentlemen.

I want you to know this is what I can do to you.

It's very impressive.

It wasn't an accident. Look.

All right.

I just wait till you pop up.

But we're changing our rhythm.

That would have hit your head, Mayor.

Hey, Sheriff.

Say hello to my grandpappy when you get to... Just shoot him for God's sake.

Go to hell.

Hey! Boom!

Well, you know, saying boom is not going to make it. I was trying to intimidate

him with it. Oh, here it comes. Boom, I just died.

We can hear everything you're saying.

Oh, my God, I'm out.

I'll reload it. Give it to me. I think they're reloading. God, would you just

shoot for a little bit? I'll do it for a little bit. I was thinking of baby

names. Pearl gets pregnant. I was thinking of Hank for a boy.

Really?

That's what you're doing right now?

I have got to get these off. You're not naming them after me, huh?

I wasn't... No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

You know what you could do? You could point out who to shoot at. Well, either

one of them. There's two people. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. You know I'm John

Hoyle the 18th, right? It's been in my family that long.

No, it should stop. It should stop. Just get somebody, Tidwell, for God's sake.

I feel like we'd work better if we were working as a team. You're doing your own

thing. Okay. You know what? I'm getting hungry.

Let's get this over with. I can rename it. I can rethink it. All right,

gentlemen. This is over.

What do you want for lunch?

I could make grilled cheese.

Yeah, I like cheese grilled.

I'm not going to jail.

I'm not going to jail either.

If we're going out, we're going out like a couple men. We're going to go out

guns blazing. I need some salve for my face. It's killing me. Yeah, it looks

like it might hurt.

I know we had our differences.

But if we're going to go out, I'm glad we're going out together.

I feel the same way. Let's do this.

Do it.

They're planning something. Get ready. Don't shoot.

I won't. You might kill them.

Three, two, one.

What are you talking about? I've got him. What are you talking about? I have

done nothing.

You're arresting him as a citizen?

Yes. I can erase everything, right? I don't go to jail now, right? Clay, you

shot me in the face.

And you're okay.

It hurts.

Now I'm giving him to you and I'm apologizing. I'm sorry.

Get him!

How many Negro spiritual do you know? I know about six.

Mr.

Shane, who are you?

You lost the election.

Well, sadly, the Great Bend City Charter clearly states that any elected

official can continue serving while in prison until they are proven guilty.

Amazing. I smell shank for mayor was one of the worst ideas. I told you. Now,

the first thing you can do is partner.

Oh, yes.

I am definitely looking into that as soon as I get out of here.

Look, look into what you mean? Well, I'm going to look into resolving this.

Is that the way you want to go?

Yeah. Don't you hear all these stories about people in prison?

Bad things happen. You know, they fall asleep.

Yeah, they get their eyes sewn shut. Or maybe they get their man parts sold to

their side forever.

You are officially pardoned.