Original subtitles

All right, the game's three -card Monty. As you can see, I have three cards

right here.

I've got two aces, and then just treat it like real life. Let's find a pretty

lady, right?

That's me. Okay, all right.

Keep your eyes on her.

Right there in the middle. Make sure your eyes are fixed on it. I've got very

keen eyes. Don't hurt your neck.

Okay. Which one?

Um, you know? Okay. All right. Uh, it's the middle one. Uh, it's not that one.

Y 'all are way too easily impressed. He's cheating.

What?

Hello, Pearl.

Hi, Edwin.

This is my brother, Edwin.

Oh.

He's a lot more pleasant than you are. I'm just going to say that.

That was real fun to watch.

Amazing. You know what? I'm going to buy you a drink.

What do we have here?

This is Pearl's brother, Edwin Starr.

What? Oh, my God.

What just happened? Your stepfather just kissed you on the mouth. You're my dad?

Yes, I am.

Get out of here.

And you're a sheriff.

I'm not your biological father. I'm just the guy who married your mom.

Well, that's okay. I mean, we kissed like you were.

So what brings you to town, son?

Oh, well, I actually heard the good news about my sister Pearl going straight,

settling down, and I couldn't believe it myself.

So I thought I'd come see with my own eyes. You see, I myself have recently

changed occupations. I'm a land developer. I mean, wow, land trading.

Yeah. You used to be just stealing horses.

Yeah. I am a new man, Pearl. I'll tell you, I have turned over a new leaf. I'm

very proud of you, son, but, you know...

Make sure that you stay the straight and narrow, huh?

You think I can pull one over on you, Dad?

Everything I have I learned from you.

I'm sorry to interrupt you, Edwin, but Pearl, the whole team of miners is

upstairs waiting. They're all in a row backed up against the wall. Well, maybe

could take some time off, like a little break.

You know the rules of this brothel, and you know that you have to submit for a

break two weeks ahead of time. Now, keep in mind, Pearl, I do not want to get

you in trouble. I mean, this is obviously one of the...

Horrible things about having a job.

No, no, no, no, no. I feel like this is a special occasion, like Christmas or my

birthday. Since I didn't take those off, it'd be nice to take my brother, who I

haven't seen in forever, around the town.

I'm going to ask you to tender your voice.

I'm not raising my voice. Well, you were a second ago, and I heard it.

Edwin, look, go.

If you take that little stroll, you are not welcome to come back.

Great. My legs are starting to shake, so I need to make it.

Let's take a walk, shall we? Let's go.

Don't move, Missy.

Bye, Edwin.

Bye, Dad.

Wanda, go upstairs. Take on the miners.

The whole row of them?

Do you think anyone will mind that I'm feeling a little rumbly down under?

We'll find out, I guess.

This is lovely. It is. It is. This is very nice.

I made deviled eggs. Great. Yes.

This is my aunt's recipe. She was found dead, and this recipe was clutched to

her hand. She had rigor mortis, and so when they pulled the recipe out, part of

it ripped off. So we don't know the final ingredient.

I'll take one.

Treat yourself, Ben. You just took a day off, and I was the one who was really

working hard.

Family is really important to me. I was just going to say, it's huge to me, too.

Yeah. It is huge. I would love to meet Eli, just to sort of get the whole

package complete.

He inherited a farm that was decimated by grasshoppers, and there's been some

matrimonial acrimony. You know, if I had a husband who didn't want to spend any

time with me, it might make me take a look at myself and what I'm doing wrong.

I put hemp in the cookies.

Oh. So we might want to pass that around.

Oh.

I hope that I haven't caused any anger between you two because I'm picking up.

Oh, no, Edwin. You just came in the middle of a very busy day and took away

Pearl so that I had to have a girl with the backdoor trots servicing an entire

team of minors.

So let's pass the eggs around again, just in case people have it. Again,

paprika on top.

I got it. I got it. You sure? Yes.

Oh, you dropped one.

Well, I wouldn't want it to go to waste.

Oh, oh, boy.

Honey, honey. Oh, no, no, no. Honey.

Stop it. Get it. Do something on your side.

Stop putting the eggs. That's a dead egg.

We're low on eggs.

That makes the fornication so great.

Here's the downside.

That kid! That kid!

I've had it. You no longer have a job with me.

You are done.

Get off my butt hole! Look, I'm not on it. I'm not on it.

Do you want me to come?

What am I going to do?

I don't have a job anymore.

Well, I have an idea, Pearl.

Maybe it's time that you started a...

Taking the reins a little bit.

We should box this up for later because I could... There's still a couple good

ones.

All right.

Let's see.

Give me a couple. Knock it a couple times this way.

Give me one more.

That is... That's perfect. Yeah. Just like that.

Hammer that in.

Hammer. Hammer it.

There you go.

Kidding me?

Good. Good.

Good, good, good.

This is the kind of place I would go to, absolutely.

That c -

Look at this place.

I know.

Busy. Busy is an understatement. This is perfect.

Yeah, I can't believe it's going so well. I know.

Everything's so fast.

There is a new place to be in town. This is amazing.

What are you two ladies doing here?

Edwin doubled our rate to come work here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You two work here? Yes, we do.

This is working out honey, Sam.

Had lost it. I mean, she fired us. One mention of coming over to your saloon,

and she was like, Exactly like that. And then, all we did was tell her that

Edwin had offered us double the rate, and then she was like, You

offered them double the rate?

Well, and a gold tooth, yes.

What is that?

It's a gift from your brother, Edward. I feel like I could line a whole bunch of

gentlemen up and just let them take turns on me. I mean, I don't think it's

right to take honey's girls away. That feels wrong. We're not taking money away

from honey, okay? I mean, there's enough to go around.

I mean, I'm sure her brothel is as busy as our bar is.

Yes!

Oh, yeah.

There's happy hour.

Thanks for staying with me, Hoyle.

I can't believe everybody else in this town just turned on me and left.

I'm having a fantastic time.

Are you? Yes, I am.

I don't think you understand the trouble I'm in here, Hoyle. I need money to

keep this saloon open.

Well, you got the money saved up. You can... I don't.

You know what?

I'm feeling thirsty.

Give me ten shots of your best whiskey.

Well, you don't have to do that. I want to do it.

Ten shots of whiskey. Give me ten shots of your best whiskey.

Step right up.

Game of chance.

Mystery at the hands of Vishank.

Aha, good sir.

So I am here to show you a game called Let's Nail the Queen.

There you go.

Come on, McGrath.

There you go.

Well, I think you should slow down.

Good. Oh.

Edwin taught you his skills, don't you think?

Yes, I am his apprentice.

Where she stops.

It's that one.

Ah!

This is great.

Thank you, honey.

Please put that in the, in the till.

Let's go.

For your trouble, sweetheart.

Thank you. There you go. Let's go. Thank you.

I feel like that would be. No, just don't even say it because that makes it

worse.

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. You are also the smartest and

the best business person I have ever met. And this is going to turn. This

is going to turn, okay?

And they're going to come back here, and they're going to want the services that

you offer, and you're going to say, okay, but it's double.

You just need something, something, a little something new that can turn the

tide.

There was this one idea I had. Do it.

Everybody told me.

Hold me in your pocket.

What do you think?

Oh, my God. Thank God you didn't have any more. I think my head would explode.

Did you like it?

Liked it?

Oh, my.

I did.

The back and the thing and the hair. I mean, I was concerned with the pole.

I hope you don't get any splinters on that. Because you're hanging all over

You're stroking it like it's a penis. And I just.

Are you kidding me? This is what you were thinking about?

I worry about your safety. I'm assuming you're going to be doing this all night

long, you know. What were you thinking about when I was laying on my back and

legs were up in the air?

You worried about anything then? I'd like a little back support for you

Because your lumbar is like when you're arched up and you got them up in the air

like that. I wanted to put a towel underneath there just to support you. Is

a safety seminar, Hoyle? It was an erotic dance that's supposed to get you

around. It worked. I'm not interested. No, I was just worried about the

splinter. Go across the street where I'm sure they'll want to hear about it.

Let's do another run through. Let's do another run through.

I just want to say, I haven't been in Great Bend that long, but you guys have

really made me feel like family. And we've decided it might be great to give

back to you fine people.

Okay? What I'm talking about is an offer to turn everyone in here into an

owner of this bar and not just a patron. How does that sound? Does everybody

want to be part owner of a bar like this? Sounds too good to be true. Yeah,

certainly does.

Let's say you come in here and you have 10 fornications. Well, I've got good

news for you, fornicator. The 11th is free. It's on the house.

No.

What?

Edwin, that doesn't really sound fair to the whores now, does it? No, it

doesn't. Oh, sweet Wanda. You are thinking like a prostitute. You are not

thinking like an investor slash owner, which is what you will be. No offense to

you, son, but you do have a past history of... Being a charlatan and a con man,

and I know you've given that up. Maybe there's something you can do to just let

us know that this money will be safe. There is something I can do.

And it's put it in your hand.

I want all the money for these investments to go right to the sheriff.

want you to take them down to the bank and deposit them.

Well, I was the comptroller for my fraternity. He was the comptroller. I

totally trust you. I want to do it. If you want in, $10 a share. Come on over

here right now.

We're closed.

Doesn't really matter if you're open anyway, does it?

What are you doing here, Edwin?

I stopped by to see how things are.

Things are not good.

Honey, things are probably about to get a lot worse.

Great. Are you here to rob me? Because I've got news for you. I don't have any

customers. I don't have any money, Edwin.

What I'm interested in is not the bar or what's in the bar.

It's what's behind the bar.

Behind that wall.

That's just a Wells Fargo office.

Exactly. You see, twice a month, the Wells Fargo stagecoach comes from San

Francisco, and for one night, it'll drop off those green treasure boxes.

And guess where they are?

There.

Okay, Butch, I got you for 40. Frederick, you sure about that? Okay.

Wow. Okay.

That's a lot of money. Yes, it is.

I don't know.

Something...

Doesn't feel right about this. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm with you, but for the

life of me, I can't see that he's trying to do anything untoward. I have to say,

I think Edwin has turned a corner. I think he's actually trying to help the

town. I guess. You see, once I realized that there was so much tension between

you and Sweet Pearl, well, it seems so easy to just empty out this place, get

everyone down there, and then just take out that wall and... Wait, that's why

you did this?

Just so you could bust through the bar?

When you say it like that, you make it sound like it's not worth it. We're

talking about a lot of gold behind there, so this is very much worth it,

I don't know. This whole week has just been a huge mess.

I feel like I haven't talked to Eli for the last week. He's been on a farm.

Honey has decided never to talk to me again.

Yes, your marriage is in the toilet. There's no question about it. I mean, I

know it's still ostensibly together, but I've spoken to him. And not only have I

never seen Eli that low, I've never seen an animal. And I ran a chinchilla farm.

Oh, my God.

And Honey, I mean, she's just devastated. I mean, I wouldn't be

went on some violent killing spree and then put the last bullet just right. I

mean, she's that.

I've never seen her like that.

But don't worry. Listen, you are a good person.

Still got old Sheriff John Henry Hoyle. And I'll be there unless you screw me.

And then I'm gone.

You know, when I get out of this situation, I'm coming after you. And I

afraid to throw down with you, Edwin. I may be a woman.

But I've got bigger balls than you. And if you stand here with that gun pointed

at me one more minute, I'm going to reach down and I'm going to unleash

They're going to swing forward like a pendulum. And they're going to knock you

on your ass.

Watch it.

I'm going to propose something to you.

You need to go over to Honey and lay your boobs on the table.

Just say, here they are.

I'm sorry.

And I'll come with you. I'll lay my balls on the table.

I don't like being told that you have bigger balls than me. That really,

hit a nerve with me.

Yeah.

Do not break my bar.

Honey, I'm going to break your bar. You're going to need to understand that.

Ah!

Just talk to her. Right.

Sorry. You know, just ask her about how she's feeling.

Okay, what are you... Is that Edwin?

Edwin? Hey, Edwin. Hey.

What are you doing?

I was just, uh, seeing a guy about a horse.

Girl, why don't you check on Honey?

Yeah, sure.

Hi, Dad.

Sheriff. What's in the box, Don?

Oh, that?

Boy, that's just, uh, all your town's gold.

So this was all about the Wells Fargo gold.

Well, no, to be honest. I mean, I actually did come here to see Pearl.

little did I know that you had a Wells Fargo holding area right here. I mean,

your town basically has a stagecoach here on guard. I thought you were trying

get this money. You did a double end around on us.

Try to get going.

You're not going anywhere, Edwin.

You're not going anywhere, Sheriff. What the hell is that?

What do you mean? What is that? Is that a gun?

No, it's a diamond neck. Yes, it's a gun. Look at it. Oh, my God.

How do you make it come out?

Right here. Oh, like mittens. That's not what we're here to talk about is

mittens and gun.

What are you going to do? You're going to shoot your stepfather?

Can't shoot you.

You're my sheriff, Dad.

But I can't shoot your mode of transportation.

Sorry.

You shot my horse!

Strawberry shortcake!

Strawberry shortcake!

strawberry shortcake he shot strawberry shortcake don't worry the good news is

it missed the artery i can suture him up later honey what do i do if you could

hold him right here okay and maybe you could get shank yeah yeah and you're all

right i'm fine go get that son of a bitch i'll get him i'll get him

strawberry shortcake.

I can't believe what you've done, Edwin.

You're my son.

I'm just a bad person sometimes.

There he is, that rat bastard.

You've been changed a bit.

We're family. What are you talking about? We're not family anymore.

I'm closer to people here than I will ever be with you. Stop, okay? I'm sorry.

We're sorry, too. I'm really sorry that you got hurt. Get out of there!

That's gotta hurt. Why don't you try and tie me up now, huh?

She doesn't like that, you know, when people double -cross her. You think you

can pull a gun on Honey Shaw?

Oh, wow.

Bastard. I didn't know what to do.

Oh, wow.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

It's your fault.

You feel better?

No. All right.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

I didn't mean to leave you. I didn't know we were going to destroy your

business.

Look, you're my best whore.

I'm willing to give you a piece of the action, Pearl, if you'd be willing to

come back to my cat house.

And I'd love to come back. Really?

I'm so proud of you, too.

You know, this is what families do. They work stuff out.

I'm going to take my daughter back to the whorehouse and get her under a man.

God, look, nothing cuter than two whores going back to 50 minors. That was

actually pretty touching.

Yeah. Oh, don't touch that!

Sorry. We're a family, and no matter what happens, we stick together.

I'm going to get the horses.

Don't kill me!

They're over here. It'll take me a bit.

See you around, I'll say.

Don't look at him.