Original subtitles

Nice. There's just the future Mrs. Oliver Barnes.

Oh, my God.

That used to be the future Mrs. Regina Barnes.

Really? Wow, nice.

So she threw a cell phone at my head.

Lesbians love to throw stuff.

It's why we're so dominant in softball.

Oh, good God, I dated that one, too.

I'd say what are the odds, but they're not that low.

What could be worse than running into two exes?

Or better.

Why do you care anyway? You've got Beth now.

Beth too?

Yeah, you know when you get to that point in a relationship when you realize

there's no future and you're in it because you're hot, right?

And you sleep with her four or five more times and then you break it off?

I love that you're such a guy.

Oh, we can't. Just grabbing a coffee, meeting Dad, and we're going to head up

the cabin. We're going to miss you, pal.

Thanks, Mom and Dad are splitting the week.

I'm stuck sleeping in late, watching sports with Dad, while you lucky ducks

have Mom waking you up at dawn for nature hikes and another thrilling tour

the maple syrup factory.

Ben, Ben, come on. Let's get going. We want to get to the cabin before dark.

What? Oh, no, no, no, Mom. I'm going with Dad.

No, no, no, no. Your father and I switched.

I'm taking the first half of the week. Didn't Ollie and Gina tell you?

Darn it! We totally forgot.

Oh, that's okay.

Here are the keys. Okay. Though Ben and I will be long gone before your father

gets there with his girlfriend, Busty the Snowman.

But, but, but, but I thought... I was told just go limp, buddy.

Ben, come on. Let's get going. Those winter birds aren't going to identify

themselves.

I don't know what it is, but something about that little guy just makes me

smile.

Hey, Ollie, speaking of ex -girlfriends, what happened to that cute blonde you

were seeing last month? Tricia?

Oh, that ended badly. I gave her a birthday gift that I bought for an old

girlfriend. I forgot I'd had it engraved.

Yeah, I couldn't convince her that Darla was just Celtic for darling.

God.

Tricia was so great.

Sweet, funny, probably too good for me.

Oliver?

Oh, my God!

Trish, that's crazy!

Oh,

you got me!

Oh!

Look, I have to get back to work, but if you want to walk me... You know what?

I would love that.

I'll just grab my coat. Okay.

You knew she was there, didn't you?

I saw a reflection in your water glass.

I'm not new at this.

Triple worth, or at this rate I'm going to win back all those cookies you got

for me at Yachty.

It's not snowing that hard. I think we can make it back to the city. You don't

want to be here when Dad and Chris will get here, do you? No, there's no way

they're going to make it up here in this storm. I mean, we skidded out three

times this morning on the way back from cheesemaking class.

Ah, darling, your turn.

What's Remedieu?

Remedieu is a Belgian dessert cheese.

Were you paying no attention at all this morning in class?

Well, if we're going to be stuck here, I better get some more wood.

All right, if you put a coat on, you'll freeze to death.

You think?

You're still here?

Hey. The radio said those roads were impassable. How did you get here?

Well, I rented an SUV with snow chains. Even so, we barely made it.

Now, honey, I know you don't know this, but I can tell you now.

I practically had no control over that vehicle.

I kind of got that when you went through the fence and clipped that cow with

your side view mirror.

I just want to say that those roads are a death trap. We are stuck here.

It'll be fun. It'll be like a big snowy party.

A donner party.

I'm still feeling a little carsick. You know, I had to keep the window open the

whole way here.

Oh, I hope it wasn't too windy in the backseat, Oliver.

Well, my lips were getting a little cracked and chapped, but then,

the wind blew them right off my face.

Uh,

Mom?

This is Tricia. Oh, nice to meet you, Dr. Barnum. Hello, Tricia.

Tricia is a gifted pastry chef. She doesn't even need to use any sugar. She

dips her little finger in the batter.

Three hours.

Darling, I thought you were bringing that nice bet.

Yeah, well, we broke up. Oh, okay. Please try to act surprised.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. Next time.

So, Olivia, can I help you get your things out of the big bedroom?

And why would I be getting my things out of the big bedroom?

Oh, so you don't mind if Crystal and I take the room next to it? The one it

shares a very thin wall with?

Stuart, I brought up earplugs and Valium. You could put a trapeze in there

wouldn't hear a thing.

Honey, let me show you the room. Are you in the mood for top or bottom?

Still, I... Debunk base.

Oh, you know, I'm getting a little hungry. Is your tummy grumbly, pooky

Maybe this will tide you over until dinner, sweetheart. Oh, careful, the

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Oh, no, that's okay, snuggle pants. It hurts so good.

Come on, let's unpack.

Hey, Regina, you coming up? No, but my lunch is.

Oh, hey, Gina. Hey. Where's Beth? Oh, God, I should put her in my freaking T

-shirt. We broke up, okay?

So you can only imagine how much I enjoyed the ride up here with Ollie and

Tricia.

Tricia? Yeah, they ran into each other a couple days ago. Now they're back

together. Oh, my God.

What? Uh, I might have kind of had a little sex with her.

Keep up with Tricia.

What's all this?

Thanks, Gina.

Your brother's girlfriend?

It was after they broke up.

I was feeling down because it was my wedding anniversary, she was still upset

about Oliver, and, well, we ran into each other.

Pretty hard, apparently.

I never thought that they'd be together again.

Well, they'd be together now.

Oh, this is lovely.

Now, this little party has a theme.

Awkward sex triangles.

Hey, Ben.

You remember Tricia?

Um, yeah. Hi, Tricia. Ben, hi.

I bet you're pretty surprised to see us together again, huh?

Sure am.

You know, I could use some tea to warm up. Okay. I'll show you where it is.

Hey, easy there, buddy. Don't go stealing my gal.

What are you doing here? Well, Oliver told me you'd be gone.

Well, I take it you didn't tell him what happened. I wanted to, but we just got

back together, and I really want things to work this time.

We made a mistake.

A terrible, terrible, terrible... Easy with the terribles.

You know, I'll tell him when we get back to the city.

Okay. Fine.

We can make it through one night.

How hard can that be?

Hey, the Scrabble board's out. You guys up for a threesome?

You're going out in this weather?

We're just going to the door to get some more wine.

Very icy. Isn't that dangerous?

Dangerous? We'll be trying to get through this evening on only two

Well, we're just going to go check out the lake. And we might make a snow

You make a snow angel simply by stepping outside.

If we bring the sled, we can get a case.

See you guys.

Have fun.

Oh, can't believe I nearly lost that one.

Ben, make me a promise.

If you ever get your hands on a girl like Tricia, never let her go.

Here, I've outdone myself. Try my sloppy joes. I've added hot sauce. Oh, God.

Oh,

no. Lip balm.

All right, I'm sure that...

The girl's brought chapstick. Oh, God, how it burns.

I hope you brought it.

Oh, oh, oh. I'm tearing through everything.

I think I have some in here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So nice.

Oh, so, so nice.

What's that under your arm? Oh, I don't know. Somebody's pregnancy test.

Oh, God.

Whose is it? I don't know. It was in one of these bags, but I'm not sure which

one. Oh, man.

What if this is Tricia's?

Oh, God.

What's all the commotion? We found a pregnancy test.

Well, whose is it? No idea.

Oh, God.

All right. Well, just put it back. I don't know which bag it came from. It

doesn't matter. Just put it in anyone and pretend you didn't find it. No, you

can't do that.

Oh, please don't let this be Tricia's.

Or Crystal's.

Or Tricia's.

Should we open it?

Why? Because maybe it's empty.

I mean, maybe whoever brought the box is using it to carry something else like

medicine or candy.

Maybe it's full of candy.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't Crystal a little queasy earlier?

That was car sickness.

Okay, I'm just saying, Crystal's not there. It could be a clue.

Wait a minute. Let's look at Trisha's, huh? What about her clues?

All right? She was very emotional in that car. She was trembling.

She was shivering from the cold because your pregnant girlfriend had the window

open.

One of us is in a lot of trouble here, Ollie.

Not necessarily. If it is Trisha's, we broke up about a month and a half ago.

She could have been with someone else, right, Ben?

Look, there's no point in freaking out when we don't know whose it is, even

though I'm pretty sure it's Crystal's.

Thanks, brother.

Oh, I'm not cut out for this. I was not meant to be a father.

You kids are just delights.

Hey.

Hey, how was your walk?

It's gorgeous out there.

Oh, guess what, sweetie?

We saw a little baby deer. It was so cute. I just wanted to pick him up and

squeeze him.

Well, can't fight those maternal instincts.

Is dinner almost ready?

I've been so hungry lately. All day, I have been dying for french fries.

I don't know what it is.

It's a craving.

That's what it is.

I don't care what kind of mood you're in. It was a baby deer.

Well, he had a dangerous glint in his eye. And besides, that snowball barely

grazed him.

Am I still burning plastic?

Quick, tell your father to take his girlfriend away from the open flame.

Regina, Regina, give him the open one. Hey, Ollie, we should offer our guests

some wine. See who's drinking and who's not.

Oh, right.

Good idea.

Ladies first.

Me, please. Get in line.

Crystal? Oh, um, no, not for me, thanks. Yes!

More for us!

Honey, no wine?

I probably shouldn't. I'll have some.

That's my girl.

Here you go.

Well, I'm going to go check on dinner. I have this sinking feeling I left a bun

in the oven.

I think we may be short on wine glasses.

Well, Ben, you and Ollie don't mind sharing, do you?

Charming, Regina.

I'll get the glasses.

Hey, Story.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just imagining myself as a snowflake blowing in the wind, free.

Me and my snowflake pals.

Uh -huh. And, uh, the snowflake pals of yours, do they tell you to do things?

What I'm going to tell you now is going to upset you, but you're the only person

I can confide in.

This afternoon, the boys found a pregnancy test in the bathroom.

At first, we thought it was Tricia's, but now I'm convinced that Crystal is

pregnant.

You laugh?

A person laughs at this?

When a person is picturing your 12 -year -old son sticking his baseball cards

into the spokes of your wheelchair.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have told you.

I'm sorry. No, don't. I'm so sorry, Stuart. But, you know, the timing really

couldn't be more perfect. I mean, he'll be getting his driver's license just

when they're taking yours away.

Oh, damn my fertile loins.

Oh, come down.

Come down. It's not the end of the world.

I mean, look, you are a very good father to our kids, and you'll be a good

father again.

But, Lydia, you know, a baby, the feedings, diapers.

Look on the bright side, Stuart.

You already get up three times a night.

And this is my aunt.

Oh, wow. She looks just like your mom.

They're twins. Twins run in our family.

Um, now that we're all here, I have an announcement to make. You do? Everybody,

Crystal has an announcement. Quiet!

Quiet!

about this, and it's going to be a lot of responsibility, especially in the

first year.

But I've seen how much joy it's brought you and Lydia, and so

I'm getting a puppy.

A puppy?

Yes. You're not pregnant.

No. Why would I be pregnant?

Well, because from what you were just... saying I thought that, I mean, it would

be a joy, you know, it's just that I just, I love puppies.

I want to tell you something. I think I need some fresh air. Oh, I'll come with

you. Um, you know, sir, you never mentioned before having a baby. Does

you're considering, sir, you're walking too fast.

Something wrong with your wine? You've barely even touched it.

I only wanted a taste.

You can finish it if you like. No, it's yours.

Yeah, drink up. It's a party.

What is it with you two?

Regina, could I see you in the kitchen?

I don't know. Maybe if you stood right at the crack of the door.

Regina, come on. Hey, that's not funny.

What is the big deal?

Oh, this is horrible.

That Trisha girl is pregnant.

What? Do we know who the father is? Well, given the way she's gone through

family -like pink eye, it's pretty much up in the air, isn't it?

Oh, boy. I mean, I feel we should all have a straw in our teeth and a banjo

playing in the background.

How do we know she's pregnant?

Well, it seems that they found a pregnancy test in the bathroom. At first

thought it was crystal. Oh. But it's mine, okay?

Look, and I can't tell you how thrilled I am everyone's going through my stuff.

You know what? This trip just keeps getting better and better.

Regina, you mean that... No!

Well, it's the point that you and Beth... Hey, stop! Stop!

I can't deal with questions right now. I'm going to go take a walk.

Such a beautiful cabin.

You must have loved coming up here.

Yeah.

Look, you two are obviously upset, and we all know why. So let's just get it

in the open.

Oliver? It's true.

Oh, God.

I slept with Ben.

I don't believe this.

So this could be his baby?

What? That's why you're telling me I'm not going to be a father. I'm going to

an uncle.

No, you're not. I'm going to be an uncle. Uncle Ben.

It's already a thing.

Well, there's a new thing. No.

Father Ben. No. What baby?

There's no baby.

There's no baby? No.

The pregnancy test wasn't yours?

What pregnancy test?

That was crazy.

You slept with my girlfriend?

Hi. Hi.

Nice walk, honey?

Yeah.

Look, I'm thinking about having a baby.

I made an appointment next week to discuss in vitro.

That's why I had the test.

I saw it at the drugstore on the way up, and I thought, you know, what the hell,

I might need it.

Plus, I had a coupon.

Are you really sure you want to have a baby by yourself?

Well, look, in a perfect world, no.

But I haven't had the best luck with relationships recently, and, you know,

something I've wanted for a while.

Yeah, I know, bad idea, right? No, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's not a bad idea.

I mean, having a baby is the most wonderful thing you could ever do. I

when your father told me that he might be having another child, I have to admit

that a part of me was a little bit jealous.

The part of me that wasn't laughing its ass off.

But, you know, I just don't want you giving up on finding someone you can

this with.

Whatever you decide, your mother and I completely support you. You're going to

be a great mom.

We're going to be great grandparents.

Just grandparents, Stuart. Don't make me any older than I am.

This is really important.

You have plenty of time to find the right person.

And whoever she is, she's going to be so lucky when you find her.

You know, call me old -fashioned, but I still think that a child deserves a

mother and a mother.

Thanks, guys.

Whatever I decide, there's one thing I know.

You'll find out whether I want you to or not.

Well, we tracked her up to the warming hut, but... Found her!

How you doing?

Okay. How you guys doing?

Oh, he's angry with me.

I'm not angry. I get it.

Trisha and I had broken up. These things happen.

So we're good?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Sleep tight.

Okay, come on, everybody.

What do you say we eat this dinner? We can get to bed. And if we get up

well rested for sunrise, no yoga.

Regina, Regina.

Listen, if you want to get a head start on this parenting thing... I'm not

taking your puppy, Dad.

Okay.

That's a triple letter score and 134 points.

Drids bag?

That's not a word.

Yes, it is. Use it in a sentence.

Oh, okay.

Um, I want to punch the drizz bag that's left with my girlfriend.

Okay, 134.