Original subtitles

I see you set the table in a way that's both lovely and perplexing.

Why don't I get it?

I know we said we'd be here by four, but we got held up. You're not mad, are

you? No, no.

Ow!

I have been here alone.

For 20 minutes.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. Sorry we're late.

That's okay, darling.

I know that some of us take a few extra minutes to get our outfits right, while

others, in what I consider to be a Thanksgiving tribute, are early

You can't blame us.

Thanksgivings here are always a disaster.

Yeah, well, this one ain't going to be any prettier. Who invites your ex

-husband to Thanksgiving?

Well, actually, I told her to invite him.

Crystal's out of town.

We better at least have some exit plan.

Hey, I know. How about, um, 9 o 'clock, I'll have a friend page me. I'll say

it's the hospital, then we all decide to share a cab downtown. Hey, that's

great, because it could actually happen, like when you got paged at my Christmas

party last year.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Oh,

this is where they're keeping all the turkeys.

Are we going to be subjected to your turkey humor every year, Stuart?

Is something burning?

Oh, oh, my rose. Ollie, please, open the window.

You know what? I'm going to help your mother.

Tell your friend to pay you at 8 o 'clock. Yeah.

Why does something have to go wrong every Thanksgiving?

Oh, this is nothing compared to what we did last year. We?

What we did last year?

All right.

Me? But remember, I was still married to you, so obviously I wasn't thinking

clearly. Oh, that was a cheap shot, Stuart, if ever I... I don't think so.

I think I'm just telling the truth.

What's taking Dad? Didn't you say you just ran out for some wine? Yeah, he'll

back in a moment.

Benji, where'd your lovely wife get to? Oh, she has a headache. She's just lying

down. Well, let me know if she needs a pill.

What are you kidding? Keep her back there. A sleeping pill. Trust me,

Hi, Stuart.

What a picture. Three turkeys stuffing themselves.

Oh, delightful as ever.

Lose your keys, Dad?

Uh, no. I left them here, as a matter of fact.

I'm forgetting things lately. Now, Lydia, do you think we can get this wine

some glasses? Oh, certainly, darling. Thank you, buttercup.

Where the hell have you been? Excuse me. I couldn't get a cab from the hotel.

The whole point of this charade is the children not knowing you've moved out

till after the holidays.

Do you have to wear those dreadful pants every year?

Well, forgive me, Lydia, but my clothing choices are a bit limited. Most of them

are still on the roof on the building next door.

Where are the wine glasses? Oh, they're over there.

I have been gone for two days and you have rearranged everything?

Therapeutic. I'm channeling my anger.

Oh, my goodness. The refrigerator used to be... Oh, come on, come on, come on,

come on.

Oh, you do tickle me, Stuart.

Don't tempt me.

So, where is Naomi?

Headaches. She's just napping.

Some guy's car keeps backfiring.

Well, if he wakes up that little angel, I will kill him.

Dad, you kind of dragged your sleeve in the dip there. You want to go change

your shirt? Oh, yes. Why don't I?

Don't. Why?

Because I think that club soda should take it right out.

Lydia, can you remind me where we're keeping the club soda these days? Oh,

certainly. darling, right in here.

Thank you, peaches.

Wasn't it so difficult to keep your sleeve out of the dip? I was trying to

the wine, or as I like to call it, the Lydia becomes bearable juice.

I think we're going to blow this, Stuart, and I just know it.

Benji's looking very nervous. I think he's on to us. Of course he's looking

nervous. You're being nice to me in the Bible. That's a sign the world is

ending.

Go to snooze.

You know what? Before we sit down, I would like to make a toast.

Huh? To my wondrous family.

That damn car.

Oh, yeah, well, don't worry about it. It barely got me. What, are you kidding?

Dad, I'll get you a clean shirt. No, no, no. Don't move. It's okay.

I'll go.

I know where everything is.

Maybe I should just check on Naomi.

Mom, is everything okay?

Okay? Okay, of course.

Why shouldn't everything be okay?

Dad's acting pretty strangely.

Strangely? Strangely? I don't think he's acting strangely. After all, I am his

wife. I'm with him 24 hours a day, and if he was acting strangely, I'd know

that.

All right.

Gobble, gobble.

Dad, I think that's Mom's sweater.

Nope.

I'm pretty sure because I gave it to her for Mother's Day.

Well, then, thank you from both of us.

You know, I think there's a couple of things just left in that kitchen. Would

you mind giving me a hand, Landlord?

God, I shoved it into the guest room.

Oh, no, no. We're not going to get away with this. This is absurd. We have to

tell them. We will not ruin their holiday.

We'll tell them when the time is right.

Yeah. Hold on. Okay.

Do you think that your plaid skirt could pass as a kilt?

Well, at least everything is out in the open. Yes.

Relaxing meal.

Okay, let's move.

Stuart, turkey over there. Ollie, wine in the kitchen.

Regina, pitcher in the cabinet. And Benji on candles.

You know, we've had some rough Thanksgivings, but I think your mother

favor by burning those rolls.

At least we got this year's disaster out of the way early.

Coming through.

Come on in. Happy Thanksgiving.

Sorry. I dropped your one -ton soup. My bike hit a turkey in the street.

Don't even worry about it. There is plenty to share for everybody here.

That's kind of a Thanksgiving tradition, too, isn't it?

What? Sharing things.

But that's what... Oh, not that again.

Oh, I bet you'd like to forget that happened, wouldn't you? I said I was

Oh, did you? Yeah, I did. Really?

Just saying, you're such a pretty girl. That particular look is a bit casual.

Unwashed, even.

It's how people are dressing. I was referring to the hair, actually.

Did you just lose the gum?

Why do you care so much about what I look like today? It's just us.

Fix your hair.

Oh, my God. You invited someone here for me? Regina, look, you haven't had a

boyfriend in so long. Your mother just thought that... This is not happening. I

hope you all like your turkey rare, because I'm going to use the oven for my

head.

Hey, guys.

This is Sharon.

I thought you were going out of town. Well, we were, but then at the last

we thought we'd surprise you guys.

Sharon's idea.

She even made a sweet potato dish.

I'll just hang out there.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey.

Ollie, she looks adorable.

And Benny Ben's girl is coming, too. We love Nadine. Nadia. Naomi.

I just wish that Regina would find a guy she could stick with.

I think she's just afraid of commitment.

Well, you know, most people think that settling down is boring. You've got to

challenge that. You've got to shake things up.

That's why I'm trying out a new pair of pants this year.

I think we all just need to give Regina a break. She's a grown woman. She knows

what she wants.

Depends what it looked like.

Like a movie Oliver was watching last night.

Okay, look. Oliver invited me out for a drink with him the other night.

Sharon and I split a cab home, and we found out we have a lot of things in

common.

So you're gay?

That's one of them.

And this wasn't just an experiment.

No. No, I've done the experiment before.

The other night just verified the result.

What about Ollie?

Look, I know. I feel bad.

We're just not sure how to tell him. Well, here's a tip.

Not like that.

You are just the cutest.

Hey, where'd you get the gum?

Ollie? Yeah? Can you come over to the kitchen and get a bottle of wine for me?

I'll grab it. No, Sharon.

Ben. Ben, it's fine.

She doesn't like me even lifting a finger.

Which is very traditional.

Amen to that. I wish we could get a little Sharon to rub off on Regina.

Where is Regina, anyway? Is she still in that kitchen?

Oh, Mom, she's fine.

But that's rude, Ben. Really, she can't stay in there all night. Oh, I think

it's about time she came out.

dinner before it gets cold. Am I the only one who hasn't had any of Sharon's

sweet potato?

It certainly seems so, Stuart.

See?

Traditional. She won't even let me lift a finger.

Oh, you may be tempted to in a moment.

Mom, there's no sense running away from it.

I'm gay, okay?

What?

Yeah, I'm gay.

I should have told you all sooner, but there it is.

I figured some of you might have suspected.

Well, I did.

I'm just really intuitive that way.

Well, I don't know about anybody else, but my food is getting cold, so I say we

eat. Perfect.

Denial. That's our family way, isn't it? Why deal with something when you can

just bury it? Regina, I'm sure you think of your father and me as two pitiful

old Puritans who can't handle this news, but... We can and we will, just not

now. Because now is Thanksgiving.

The one day in this entire year that I get my family home together.

So if it's not too much trouble, would you please sit down and pretend you're

having a nice time and fix your lipstick because your date is here.

That poor bastard has no idea what's about to hit him.

I knew all along she was gay.

Yeah, that's why you bought her those diamond earrings.

She had no right to keep those.

She didn't.

Oh, my God.

Okay, everybody, we're all set. Grab a plate, food's in the kitchen.

Yeah, and the good news is we've already got this year's disaster out of the

way.

Oh, my God.

Would it kill you to stop saying that?

talking. He just fainted. Could have been a vasovagal attack.

Guy thought it was low blood sugar. Well, sometimes psychological factors

lead to... That's fine, Benji. We got it.

Now, this reminds me of another Thanksgiving.

The one where I became Ben the second -class citizen.

Ben, the one everyone ignores because... You should snag one of those spare

ribs.

Awesome.

Were you saying something?

Oh, I haven't told them yet, Naomi.

Oh, sure. Just get it over with. Yeah. Hey, Mom, Dad, I dropped out of medical

school last week, and by the way, great stuffing.

I'll call you back.

That sounds rather secretive.

So, is young Norma... Naomi.

Naomi off with her animal rights activist friends liberating turkeys? No,

You know, it's so wonderful having you home.

Part of me wishes you didn't have to go back to school, but...

How big a part?

It is miserable out there.

Stuart, what took you so long? I almost gave... Hello.

Oh, Lydia, I'm sure you remember Curtis from the park bench across the street.

Don't hate me, because my home has a view of the park.

Oh, yes.

That's delightful every time you say it, Curtis.

Make yourself at home, Curtis. Stuart, can I talk to you for a minute, please?

Sure.

What is going on?

Oh, come on, Lydia. It is freezing out there. I just told him that we'd have a

little food for him, that's all.

I don't trust that man, Stuart.

He's got that glint in his eye, that crazy glint that some people get. Do you

know what I mean?

Trust me when I tell you I do.

Now, look, I'm just going to get him a little to -go package, and he'll be on

his way.

And then to invite me to dinner when most people just ignore me?

There's a place in heaven for your father.

All right, all right. You'll feed him quickly and send him off.

Right, come on, it's Thanksgiving.

But that man is unstable.

I saw him attack our doorman. He did not attack him. He threw something at him.

He threw a squirrel at him.

Just stop it.

You were.

I was not.

You were. I was not. What is going on here? Well, this one thinks that this

was checking out another woman, though I don't know why she would be.

Thank you.

And ooh, who are you?

Can we just try to get along today?

Ben only has a few days off from med school.

Well, actually, Dad.

Oh, thank you very much, Mom.

Your college friend, Miss Gablicek, whom I just had to see today?

Yes, but she's only in town today, and she needed to have a little mole removed

from her back.

I wasn't so little, Mom.

People who look like that are usually fleeing angry villagers.

Gablicek, that doesn't ring a bell.

Trust me, she should be ringing a bell.

Hello, Sharon.

Hello to you, mister I'll -get -you -later.

Curtis is going to join us briefly.

All right? Now, look, your mother has made us a beautiful meal, and I think

our soon -to -be Dr.

Ben should carve the turkey.

Uh, Dad, you need a knife?

Curtis,

you can put that right back in your boot.

We have sharp knives here that can cut through anything.

That's what I used to think about the one at my office.

Oh, golly. Leave it alone.

It took me four hours, Mom.

Yeah, not leaving things alone.

Who'd that remind me of? Next time, warn me when it's a tectonic plate.

Excuse me, it's Thanksgiving.

Stuart, is that a few?

No, if you look out the window, it's pretty much the whole city.

Sharon, would you please take your hand off my leg?

My hand's not on your leg.

Then who?

We had a blackout in prison once.

All the cages opened right up.

A lot to put a damper on things, but I dropped out of med school last week.

Please promise me you'll see that doctor right away. Just go home, rest, have a

wonderful holiday.

Thanks for everything.

Good night.

Did you guys figure out what happened? Actually, we did. He had a gigantic

argument with his wife before he left for work. Really?

So after this very stressful event, he just happened to faint.

No, Ben, nothing psychological there.

In your face, doctor.

Ben, he had an argument with his wife because she forgot to pick up his blood

pressure medicine.

So I guess it's back in your face now.

It's not that funny. No, it's not that. I was just thinking about what happened

last year.

Hi,

George.

What a picture. Three turkeys stuffing themselves.

Oh, delightful as ever.

Lose your keys, Dad?

Uh, no. I left them here, as a matter of fact. I'm forgetting things lately.

Now, Lydia, do you think we can get this wine into some glasses? Oh, certainly,

darling. Thank you, buttercup.

Okay, I've got a big problem.

Oh, right. Naomi's headache. Here.

These pills should help.

They, uh, may make her a little drowsy.

She doesn't have a headache.

She thinks that one of the balloons in the parade is offensive to Native

Americans. So she locked herself in the guest room with a bunch of firecrackers,

and she's going to try and pop it when it goes by.

Oh, you do tickle me, Stuart.

Don't tempt me.

Hey, where is Naomi?

Oh, headache. She's just napping.

Which is going to be hard with that car backfiring.

Dad, you kind of dragged your sleeve in the dip there. Why don't you change your

shirt? Oh, yeah, why don't I? Stuart? Why?

Because I think club soda would take it right out.

Lydia, can you remind me where we're keeping the club soda these days? Oh,

certainly my forgetful little darling.

Thank you, peaches.

Okay, that's scary.

What, what? I think Dad's starting to lose it.

What, mentally?

Yeah, I mean, he forgets his keys. He can't remember where anything is.

Wait a minute, maybe you're right. I mean, there's got to be some reason

treating him so sweetly. Well, maybe he's just stressed out. That's what they

said about Uncle Nick until the day they found him wearing a football helmet and

tying balloons to his lawn chair.

Go to snooze.

You know what? Before we sit down, I would like to make a toast.

Huh? To my wondrous family.

That damn car.

Don't worry about it. It barely got me.

What are you kidding?

Dad, I'll get you a clean shirt. No, no, no. Don't move. It's okay.

I'll go. I know where everything is.

Maybe I should just check on Naomi.

Mom, is everything okay?

Okay? Okay, of course. Why shouldn't everything be okay?

Dad's acting pretty strangely.

Strangely? Strangely, I don't think he's acting strangely. After all, I am his

wife. I'm with him 24 hours a day. And if he was acting strangely, I'd know

that.

All right.

Gobble, gobble.

You know, Stuart, I have a few more things left in the kitchen.

You want to give me a hand?

Okay, you still doubting me?

I can't believe this is happening.

You know what?

We just need to deal with it head on.

Dad? Well, I'm okay. I'll be right out.

Guys, I just looked in Mom and Dad's room, and all his stuff is gone.

What? Everything.

Gone. His clothes, everything.

What do you mean, like he moved out? Exactly.

That's why he doesn't have a key, why everything's rearranged. He doesn't even

live here anymore.

Oh, my God.

I mean, we all saw it coming, but still.

Why wouldn't they tell us?

Probably didn't want to ruin the day for us.

I can't believe this is actually happening.

It just hit me.

This is probably the last Thanksgiving the five of us will spend together.

Will you stop saying that you overcooked it? We never even got a chance to taste

it. Well, so far, it's been hit by two cabs and a UPS truck, and it's still

intact.

That's more than you can say for the UPS truck.

Listen, at least I didn't spill on myself this year.

Too bad, Dad. I got Mom a silk blouse for her birthday that would have really

brought out your eyes.

There's some wine left. Any takers?

All right. Whose pager is that?

It's mine, but it's not important.

I'll have some more wine. Yeah, me too. Sounds great.

That's terrific. Here, Pat, your glasses.

Look at that.

And the party's just getting started.