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1
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,840
Ross? Judge?
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00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:23,320
Everybody back from lunch yet?
3
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Nope.
4
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It's just you and me.
5
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By golly, you're right.
6
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,400
So, uh, tell me about yourself.
7
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,060
I'm 32.
8
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:54,280
I'm a fun -loving tourist whose hobbies
include full -contact karate, Brahma
9
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,480
bull riding, and small -caliber weapons.
10
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Quit while you're ahead, sir.
11
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Dean just had a scare, sir.
12
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Miss Sullivan, what happened?
13
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I don't really know. The last thing I
remembered, I was eating lunch. She took
14
00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:16,520
bite and then she started to choke.
15
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:19,600
Then she fell on the floor in a fit of
violent convulsions.
16
00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:23,720
You smell wonderful. What's that you're
wearing?
17
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,060
Veal piccata.
18
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,440
Sir, it was incredible.
19
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:31,779
He saved her life.
20
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:33,140
He was so heroic. Who?
21
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,340
Please, please, please. Dr.
22
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:36,660
Fielding.
23
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:40,630
Fielding's a doctor?
24
00:01:40,690 --> 00:01:42,090
No, it's just a hobby.
25
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,890
Ask about his free home physical.
26
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:49,970
So, how's the patient?
27
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,010
He saved Christine?
28
00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:56,730
It's true. If Dan hadn't been carrying
this card, she wouldn't be with us
29
00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:00,490
Wanda's whip emporium.
30
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:03,250
The other side.
31
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,390
Oh.
32
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,650
How to save a choking victim.
33
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:13,400
Step one, give the victim a swift blow
to the back to clear air passage. Step
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00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,980
two, clear the mouth of any foreign
object.
35
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:19,460
Step three, loosen constrictive
clothing.
36
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,180
Better to be safe than sorry.
37
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,980
Miss Sullivan, he felt you up.
38
00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:48,400
Dan, I owe you everything.
39
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How can I possibly repay you?
40
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,260
Sleep with me.
41
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,320
Should have taken death while she had
the chance.
42
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:49,440
All right, the hot tub and the car phone
and the trip to Acapulco, but that is
43
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,440
my final offer.
44
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:58,400
Dan, I can't sleep with you.
45
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,840
I understand.
46
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,780
There's no reason you should feel
obligated.
47
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:10,700
There isn't? No, of course not. I mean,
after all, what did I do but grab you
48
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:14,160
from the jaws of death just seconds
before and...
49
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:15,580
Organizing demise.
50
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,620
Sorority girls. I'll get you sorority
girls.
51
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,000
Nah.
52
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:30,420
What am I doing?
53
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,740
Negotiating your first slave trade?
54
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,560
Miss Sullivan, listen, I know this is
none of my business.
55
00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:40,780
I say that a lot, don't I?
56
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,920
That's okay, sir. We don't pay attention
to you no more.
57
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:52,420
Listen, Dan is just using this as an
excuse to hit on you.
58
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:53,660
I know that.
59
00:04:53,940 --> 00:04:58,760
But he saved my life, Your Honor. He
rescued me. From the jaws of death
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00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,220
before an agonizing demise.
61
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,420
I'm fine. It's okay. Never mind.
62
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:13,100
I must have just pulled my back up. when
I carried Christine's prone, lifeless
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00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,220
body to safety.
64
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,680
What if I had a sex change?
65
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,080
He'd counter with his own.
66
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,020
Then none of us would be safe.
67
00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:33,760
First case, sir. What do you got, Mac?
68
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:38,560
Oh, trespassing, destruction of private
property, and assault with a chicken.
69
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,520
A little foul play, huh?
70
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,960
Well, that's good, sir. Get it all out
of your system now.
71
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,220
What a world.
72
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,660
You try to save someone and they attack
you with a smoldering thigh.
73
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,520
You're lucky I wasn't making beef.
74
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,820
Hey, guys. You'd feel it if I hit you
with the business end of a chuck roast.
75
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,220
Gentlemen, gentlemen, what is the
problem?
76
00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:03,140
Mr. Brush here was passing by Mr.
77
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,880
Friedman's residence when he smelled
smoke.
78
00:06:05,370 --> 00:06:09,130
He pounded on the door. There was no
answer. Whereupon Mr. Brush burst in,
79
00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:12,470
Mr. Friedman attacked him with the
entree in question.
80
00:06:21,890 --> 00:06:28,530
You're walking by. You smell smoke. You
break in, and then you assault
81
00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:32,770
him with this... Plump, juicy fryer,
that's correct.
82
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:38,120
The house was on fire. There were
billows of smoke coming out of the
83
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,840
the god -awful smell of carnage. Oh,
that's my special sauce.
84
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:47,920
I was barbecuing, and then this maniac
tears my door down with an axe.
85
00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:49,380
Where'd you get an axe?
86
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,780
It was in my car.
87
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,240
You carry an axe in your car?
88
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,020
Along with a rope, blowtorch, and the
jaws of life.
89
00:06:58,780 --> 00:06:59,780
It's a Volvo.
90
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:15,820
ask you to pay some restitution to Mr.
Freeman here. Your Honor, may I approach
91
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:16,820
the bench?
92
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,400
What am I going to say? No.
93
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:25,020
Your Honor, judge not, lest ye be
judged.
94
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,940
Kind of puts a crimp in the old job
description, partner.
95
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:34,640
You know, I have been watching the
proceedings and, well, I must say in all
96
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,460
conscience, this is a travesty of
justice.
97
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,640
No sin was committed here. This man
risked his life for another.
98
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,600
And how has all of our lives been
enriched by that experience?
99
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:52,220
I mean, perhaps there are some of us
here who are even alive today due to the
100
00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:54,480
unselfish generosity of another.
101
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,020
No, no.
102
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:05,220
These people who help their fellow man
or woman, as the case may be, deserve
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00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:06,540
recognition of this courtroom.
104
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:12,100
Haven't we all had to say to ourselves,
have I truly given?
105
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,760
Have I given enough of myself?
106
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,320
Have I given until it hurts?
107
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,980
All right, I'll sleep with him!
108
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,280
Say hallelujah!
109
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:29,460
In
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conclusion,
111
00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,860
Your Honor... I would like to state that
even though my client has pleaded
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00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:44,880
guilty, we would like to request a
113
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,340
suspended sentence due to the
circumstances. Your Honor, may I request
114
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:51,820
prosecutor refrain from ogling me during
my closing statement?
115
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:55,960
Does the prosecutor have anything
pertinent to add?
116
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:04,560
Let the record show that the
117
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,560
prosecution...
118
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:11,770
We'll make that a suspended sentence in
lieu of time served.
119
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,190
What's next, Mac?
120
00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:14,390
That's it, sir.
121
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,450
What do you mean, that's it?
122
00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,590
You mean the judicial cupboards are
bare.
123
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:23,590
They can't be. I mean, with all the
senseless, heinous crimes in New York,
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00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:24,930
surely we can squeeze in one more.
125
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:28,650
Sorry, Miss Sullivan.
126
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Do you have any last requests?
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00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,070
in front of witnesses.
128
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:56,890
Here. Now, the address is on the key.
129
00:09:57,510 --> 00:10:01,570
Knock twice and ask for... mercy.
130
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,950
I'm gonna be loved by you.
131
00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:12,910
Not you and nobody else but you.
132
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,730
Boo -boo -bee -doo.
133
00:10:23,370 --> 00:10:24,730
Get her to switch to decaf.
134
00:10:26,510 --> 00:10:29,130
I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'm a little bit
on edge. No, no, no.
135
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,350
Lizzie Borden was a little bit on edge.
136
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:37,070
You are downright freaked. Now, come on.
You don't have to go through with this.
137
00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:38,430
I have no choice.
138
00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:42,730
Miss Sullivan, I can't believe you were
put back on this earth so you could
139
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:44,210
sleep with Dan Fielding.
140
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:48,870
Look, I appreciate your concern, Your
Honor, but I am a big girl now and I can
141
00:10:48,870 --> 00:10:49,870
make my own decisions.
142
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,880
And the sooner I get out of here, the
sooner this will be over with.
143
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,960
Dan forgot his overnight bag.
144
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,100
See you in September.
145
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:09,840
Careful, Yard. Huh?
146
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,600
Could have fallen over. Ah, thank you,
Ross.
147
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:15,700
I guess this means I saved your life.
148
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:24,980
Isn't that what you think?
149
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:26,900
I'll take cash.
150
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,020
You're beautiful.
151
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,620
You're beyond beautiful.
152
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,460
You're divine.
153
00:11:43,380 --> 00:11:44,140
Enter
154
00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:50,620
and
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00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:52,800
indulge your wildest fantasy.
156
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,500
Manager, sir, with the champagne you
requested. Oh, great. You found it. Yes,
157
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:15,220
indeed. Though it was a difficult task.
After all, Chateau Libido is not one of
158
00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:16,220
our usual brands.
159
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,160
Shall I unscrew it for you?
160
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,300
Perfect. This could be the greatest
night of my life.
161
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,640
Okay, I want this over with before I
vomit.
162
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:30,580
Let the good times...
163
00:13:27,030 --> 00:13:28,030
Faith?
164
00:13:34,090 --> 00:13:36,970
I suppose we could use this later, huh?
165
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,650
Come on.
166
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:43,950
Let's go.
167
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:45,990
Right.
168
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:53,350
How do I love thee? Let me count the
ways.
169
00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:56,150
I know 52 of them.
170
00:13:59,180 --> 00:14:00,180
is cheap.
171
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:01,780
It's boot time.
172
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,240
Oh, God.
173
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,019
What's the matter?
174
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,520
Uh, uh, spy satellite. You know, I
better close this curtain.
175
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:19,520
Dan! There's a man out on the ledge! Oh,
man! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
176
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,460
That's silly. Don't! I'm positive!
177
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,940
That's ridiculous. It's just a bird.
178
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,440
I just got a beard.
179
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,580
What are you doing out there?
180
00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:28,380
Isn't it obvious?
181
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,000
I'm plunging to my death.
182
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,480
You can't.
183
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,080
Why? Yeah, why?
184
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:35,880
Who's that? I don't know.
185
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,720
I'll be going now. No, wait.
186
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:39,680
It might be for you.
187
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,240
I wasn't expecting anybody.
188
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:44,780
Hi,
189
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,680
guys. I'm real sorry to barge in, but I
have some depositions that I need signed
190
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,120
by morning. And I don't believe I've met
the gentleman on the left.
191
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:09,880
for stopping by.
192
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,860
Here, uh, you can get whatever
information you need off my driver's
193
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,500
Uh, we got a complaint on a jumper.
194
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:17,719
It's a cop!
195
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:18,720
Okay, freeze!
196
00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:22,260
Hello.
197
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,040
Why are we all on the floor?
198
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,060
I have no idea.
199
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,360
Who the hell is she?
200
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:30,920
Who the hell are you?
201
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,820
It's Harold Phelps, and he's got a gold
card.
202
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:42,330
Because I'm 38 years old. Well, so am I.
203
00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:43,890
And I'm a virgin.
204
00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:45,910
Happy landings.
205
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:48,210
Hello.
206
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:49,570
What's going on?
207
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,230
The man on the ledge has never had sex.
208
00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:54,630
Oh, my dear Lord.
209
00:15:56,750 --> 00:16:00,350
Cyril, if you didn't go around telling
people, nobody would know.
210
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:01,870
Evening.
211
00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:04,490
What's with the virgin in the window?
212
00:16:16,239 --> 00:16:17,179
Chastity breath.
213
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:18,180
Down!
214
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,680
Hey, listen, I'm tired of Brother Teresa
here mucking up my evening.
215
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:27,700
All right, so you're not getting any.
Big deal. What about us guys who are?
216
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:33,860
You jump off this thing, splunk down
there, splatter all over the sidewalk.
217
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,480
is going to be very upset.
218
00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:38,480
And I'm going to wind up playing with
the TV remote all night.
219
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,520
I didn't mean to ruin your evening. It's
just...
220
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,420
anything can do. Well, listen, if you're
going to stay, stay. If you're going to
221
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:51,420
jump, jump.
222
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,080
Bye. No.
223
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,800
Let go. Let go of me. Let go of me. Hey,
hey.
224
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,140
This man just saved your life.
225
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,720
And now...
226
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:35,680
anything around here.
227
00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,440
You know, on you, this works.
228
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,580
What are you people doing here?
229
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:46,120
Just consider us a sexual swap team.
230
00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:51,440
You thought I wasn't old enough to make
my own decisions, didn't you?
231
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:55,280
You all thought I needed to be
condescended to and chaperoned like a
232
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,280
girl, didn't you?
233
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,240
Yes.
234
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:11,250
to get out.
235
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,710
How about a couple of wheat thins?
236
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:26,110
Kudos for a lovely party.
237
00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:59,070
the Samoan burial dress here?
238
00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:02,990
I thought it added that festive touch of
the island.
239
00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:07,370
Listen to me. You agreed to this and
then you waltz in here dressed in
240
00:19:07,370 --> 00:19:08,370
Burr's nightie.
241
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,280
supposed to be breathing?
242
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,360
Does it matter?
243
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:47,820
Not really.
244
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,120
I can't.
245
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,300
I beg your pardon?
246
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,320
I want to, but I can't.
247
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:03,080
Why? Why?
248
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,120
Why do you think why?
249
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,360
You forgot your batteries?
250
00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:16,650
It couldn't be that you respect me.
251
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,890
That's it. You respect me, Dan.
252
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:22,670
All right, fine. Yes, right.
253
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:24,390
My regular Phil Donahue.
254
00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:30,170
I knew you had a decent side. I knew you
couldn't go through with this under the
255
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:33,490
circumstances. I knew it. I knew it. I
knew it. You knew it? Yes.
256
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:34,970
And you didn't tell me?
257
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:39,650
If you were to find out by yourself, I
wanted you to see that you are not half
258
00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:42,870
as desperate as you think you are. Nor
half as smart, obviously.
259
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,660
What do you mean by that? I mean, I
thought... Thought what?
260
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:54,440
I thought there was a chance you really
liked me.
261
00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:58,120
And all you needed was an excuse to show
it.
262
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:05,000
So, you thought by pressuring me into
the situation, I'd feel free to... Let
263
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,200
your ya -ya's out, right?
264
00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:20,040
If the real Dan Fielding, the one I know
is lurking in there somewhere, were
265
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,020
ever to have the courage to let down his
guard and be himself, to risk
266
00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:29,460
vulnerability and to approach me with
complete honesty, I don't know what
267
00:21:29,460 --> 00:21:30,460
have happened.
268
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,320
Dan,
269
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,780
I had such faith in you when I was
right.
270
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,580
Now, maybe someday...
271
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,160
You'll find some in yourself.
272
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:48,480
Yeah, maybe.
273
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:54,200
Maybe someday I'll come to grips with
these opposing forces inside of me.
274
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:03,700
But until I do, I am going to hit on you
every day of my
275
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:04,700
life.
276
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:11,670
As long as there is blood running
through these veins or there is a vacant
277
00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:16,610
anywhere in this city, you are not going
to be safe in my presence.
278
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:19,130
Understood? Mm -hmm.
279
00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:21,290
Understood. Max!
280
00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:23,510
Dan!
281
00:22:26,610 --> 00:22:28,050
Let's go get something to eat.
282
00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:29,350
I'm not hungry.
283
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:30,449
I'll buy.
284
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:31,450
Okay.
285
00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:41,030
I really do want to thank you for saving
my life.
286
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,210
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay
you for that.
287
00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:49,270
I think you just did.
288
00:22:55,130 --> 00:22:56,130
Miss Sullivan.
289
00:22:56,290 --> 00:22:57,290
Mr. Fielding.
290
00:22:58,130 --> 00:23:00,970
About those people at work.
291
00:23:02,210 --> 00:23:03,210
Oh, Dan.
292
00:23:03,330 --> 00:23:04,950
Dan, you don't even have to think about
them.
293
00:23:05,470 --> 00:23:07,650
As far as I'm concerned, this whole
thing is...
294
00:23:08,060 --> 00:23:09,880
Nobody's business but ours.
21999
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