Original subtitles

Hello?

Remember me, Mrs. Lund? Sure, you're the lady with the adoption agency.

Juvenile Services Bureau.

I'm the one who had to determine Judge Stone's fitness as a potential foster

parent. Leon!

Prepare to die.

You know the old saying, spare the oozy, spoil the child.

Judge Stone, look who's here.

Hey, hey, Mrs. Lund.

Nah.

How the hell are you?

I'm just fine, Judge Stone. Doctor!

Gotta

run.

Sesame Street's on.

My dead meat, Leon!

Sorry, Mrs. Lund, we were just fooling around.

Boys will be boys.

Have a seat, huh?

Can we get you anything? Coffee? Tea?

Squeegee?

No, thank you.

I only came by for a moment to tell you the good news. What's the good news?

We have found adoptive parents for Leon.

I hope you don't mind, Judge Stone, but I've invited the prospective parents to

come by tonight to meet Leon during your break.

Gee, that's swell.

Would you excuse me? I think I'm experiencing a lip seizure.

Right.

Excuse us.

Certainly.

I guess that leaves just you and me.

Hey, hey, put a sock in it. This is a public restroom.

Now I let me down to sleep.

What's your problem?

Moi? I have not one problem. This is a great jacket. Don't touch me.

Bad head. Bad, bad, naughty head.

You're crazy.

Yes. Everybody says so.

You're very observant. Thanks for telling me.

And stay out!

Oh, my God!

You melted me!

I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.

You're a fan. Me?

No.

My judges... Oh, my God.

If I could introduce you to it, it would be the suck -up coup of the century.

Harry would love me forever.

Oh, wait, no, please.

Allow me to do that.

Prevents chafing.

Well, as fun as this has been, you'll have to excuse me.

No, wait, please, please.

Don't go, don't go. I need you.

That is wonderful material.

Now, look, I'd love to meet your friend, okay, but I've had some things stolen

out of my dressing room. I've got to be in front of Judge Klein in about 20

minutes. No, wait, please, you don't understand.

Harry worships you.

Just tell me where you're going to be. I'll bring him to you.

Move.

Thank you.

Hey, in the cafeteria. Great.

Mel, you're beautiful. I love you. You'll never change.

Don't let the geek in the penguin suit out of your sight.

Let me rephrase that.

ever going to see you laugh again, sir?

Well, I don't think it's anything physiological. I think I just got the

-fashioned blues.

Well, you knew Leon was going to be adopted someday.

Yeah, I knew it, but why the hell did it have to be so quick?

The kid's been up for grabs for 12 years.

And I get him, and three weeks later, boom, it's Mr. and Mrs. Mommy and Daddy.

Wasn't that what we were all hoping for, sir?

Yeah, yeah, it's what we were all hoping for.

Ready to start, fool!

Thank you, Bull.

I knew I should have gone with Tina Turner.

Well, if you don't mind, Miss Sullivan.

Yeah, I understand.

Ben, if there will be nothing else, sir.

Excuse me, Mr.

Torme. I hate to be a bother, but this would really mean a lot to me because

such a big fan.

Oh, what can I do for you? Do you know Prince?

No. Forget it.

to get you, sir? Just waiting to get a drink, Mac. Oh.

Wouldn't you know, it's one of those jerks who hogs the thing forever.

Uh -huh. I mean that.

That's right.

Leave any for me?

Yeah, same to you, Bozo.

Oh, look at that. He's slobbered all over.

A $50 fine and suspended sentence.

And Mr.

and Mrs. Sullivan, for your own protection, try to...

the stables in Central Park during mating season.

Hey, Eric.

Hey, Leon.

I was wondering if I could have a couple of bucks to go to the movies.

Sure, what's the plan?

Massacre at Hacksaw High and I Dismember Mama.

Whoa, there's got to be something in here suitable for kids.

There you go, Bambi.

Goddess of Lust.

I gotta tell you something.

Yes?

Leon, you got... You got a beautiful pair

of eyes. Did you know that?

Yeah, thanks.

They were a set.

They were a set!

Is he precious or what?

Okay, he's no Richard Pryor, but...

have to talk to you. Would you wait in my office? We'll have dinner, huh?

Sure, Harry.

Oh, can I play with your dad, Armadillo?

Oh, yeah, have a ball.

Okay, that's time to strap on the feed bags, folks. We'll take an hour, huh?

Sir?

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go tell him.

You know, you know, he likes you a lot better than... No!

You know, if I'd had time to prepare... Hey, Harry!

What is it, Bull?

Never mind.

Forget it, Mark.

Nothing will cheer him up today.

I'll open that for you.

No, no, I can handle it.

It's stuck.

Sir, you have to be strong for Leon's sake.

You got any suggestions?

Yeah. Put on a happy face.

You carry those things around with you?

Yes. Just for emergencies like... This.

I'd like you to meet Judge Stone.

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

Leon,

I was going to tell you, I swear, buddy, but I never had a chance.

They're nerds.

Leon, you just met them.

What's this?

A nerd.

Mr. Johnson.

Well, I don't see why not.

Oh, my God.

Have I made a faux pas?

Say what, Jack?

Who's Jack?

Dudley. Who's Dudley? I am. I don't want to hear no more of this.

Mr. Johnson is in raw sewage.

of one of the largest treatment facilities in the tri -state area.

modest, Dudley.

This man is personally responsible for over four million tons of raw sewage a

day.

What the heck you been feeding him?

No, no, no, Leon. I coordinate operations for treatment and disposal.

Oh, you mean you shovel...

See what I tell you, huh?

Great, we can drop by the sporting goods store this afternoon and pick up a bat

and a puck.

That's a bat and a ball.

Oh, dear me.

I just hate to break up all this fun.

But we really should be going.

Mrs. Lund, how long will Leon be staying with me?

Oh, no, Judge Stone, I'm afraid you don't understand.

Leon is coming with us.

You mean that's it?

He gets adopted just like that?

Oh, no, no, no.

First there'll be family encounter sessions, support groups, weekend

But in the meantime, Leon will be living at the shelter.

From our experience, we've found that it makes for an easier transition.

Well, time to go.

Harry! Knock him dead, Leon.

Show him what a great son is like.

Mom?

Dad?

I'm ready to go.

Did you know, Leon, the ancient Romans built the first modern sewage

transportation system?

Deadly wrote an article about it. The flush heard round the world.

Judge Stone, sometimes it's easier this way.

Oh, yeah, that was a breeze.

Speak to me, Mel.

I need you.

I need somebody.

Excuse me. I need somebody. I got these two lunatics chasing me.

Hello?

Hello?

Everybody here is nuts.

Oh, excuse me. I didn't think you heard me.

Never mind.

I said yes.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Come here.

If you need something, why don't you just... Come in.

Yeah. Your Honor, Leon's gone. Call me back.

He ran away from Mrs. London, that couple.

that was going to happen.

Come on.

Excuse me, I didn't mean to...

I mean it.

Any sign of Harry?

Not yet.

Mac, I'm so worried. Nobody's heard from him since yesterday.

As long as that kid's missing, Harry will search for him till he drops.

He almost made it to the door.

How long do you think he was laying there?

I don't know.

But these footprints look fresh.

You may be seated.

Ugly looking bunch, huh, Mac?

Sir, I canceled the session.

Oh. Sir, look, why don't you go back in your office, get a little more sleep.

The police will call if they find him.

I can't sleep, Mac. I keep having this dream of people walking all over me.

Want to talk about it?

Over me.

Come on.

Hi, Harry.

You look like raw sewage.

Don't come any closer.

If you do, I'll take off again.

Where you been, Leon?

Here and there.

You don't have to worry about me.

I do worry about you, Leon.

You know I worry about you.

Yeah, I know.

I heard through the grapevine you were looking for me last night.

What are you, crazy, walking around these streets by yourself?

Why don't you come on in? I'll have a bite. Maybe we could talk.

Don't come any closer.

You know once I get out this door, you'll never be able to catch me.

Yeah, I know.

I just came by to tell you.

To tell you thanks for letting me crash with you for a while.

Not to get discouraged because there's nothing you people can do with somebody

like me.

You're wrong, Leon.

There is stuff we can do for you.

Like? Like we got your parents, right?

A bat and a puck.

Okay, so they're geeks.

But they're nice geek.

Maybe with a little care, a little understanding from you, they would have

turned out fine.

They wanted to try, Leon.

You never gave them a chance.

I guess that's why they call me incorrigated.

Incorrigible. That's the word.

I don't think you're incorrigible, Leon.

Harry, you got a lot to learn.

I had to go. Where are you going to go?

California.

L .A.

Maybe I can get serious.

Gary Coleman must be getting pretty close to retirement by now.

Don't go.

We will work something out.

There's nothing to work out. Yeah, there's something to work out. It's what

want and you know it.

Says who?

Says me.

You came back, right? So you must have had a reason.

Yeah, I had a reason.

But it's stupid.

Tell me.

I thought... I thought maybe I could keep staying with you.

Leon. I told you it was stupid.

It's not stupid.

Isn't it?

No.

But it's not... It's not what's best for you.

What's best for you is a family that's got a father and a mother, and that's

something that I can't offer to you, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to

offer you that.

But I did hope that... we'd always be friends.

I wish you could always have been my father.

Leon?

Everybody's gone away Said they're leaving for

L .A.

There's not a soul I know around

Everybody's leaving town

Some gotta win, some gotta lose

Good time Charlie's got the glue.

Good time Charlie's got the glue.