All language subtitles for The.Thick.Of.It.S03e04.1080p.Web.H264-Poppycock_track3_[eng]

No, we've got them
all coming over today.

Yeah, the dishy opposition.

Do you know, Robyn,

she calls Peter
Mannion Peter Man-Yum.

Nowadays, I think twat
and prat are pretty
interchangeable, really.

Anyway, semantics aside, she
shouldn't be saying
anything like that to you

and I take your point, Mum,
and I will have a word.

The opposition have to let us
senior civil servants,

I mean, people like me, know
exactly what they're
hoping to achieve,

so that when they're handed
the reins of power...

Um... Well, I think
they are going to be.

I mean, this lot
are looking quite toasted.

Right,
Ella has thrown a massive
hissy fit again at my Mum.

Like you care. I need you
to do a bit of proper
parenting for once.

Um, can you give me a call?

If you don't,
I will have you
thrown in Belmarsh.

I've just been
trying to find out
where Olly is

'cause as usual,
he's not in yet.

Okay, meeting room.
Olly, good afternoon.

-GLENN: Good afternoon, Olly.
-I haven't missed it, have I?

Olly, have you
seen my strategy file?

No, I don't know, Terri.

What's happened to Terri?
She looks like
a female impersonator.

Yeah, I know. I thought you
only got made over like that

at a gay undertakers.

Phil, look, I'm trying to prep
for implementation day here

and you're just cutting out
more weird Japanese cartoons,
or whatever it is.

It's for the matrix.

When we infiltrate DoSAC,
I want to
prioritise targets, okay?

Hey, look. That's
Terri Coverley, DoSAC Head
of Press Civil Service.

And who exactly is that?

Well,
it's Uhura, but you know,

she's head of comms
on the Enterprise,
so it kind of makes sense.

Oh! Hey, do you know what,
I wonder if we'll get to
sneak up on Olly

and catch him not working?

Better still,
I'd like to see him
getting bollocked by Malcolm.

(EMMA LAUGHS)

"I'm going to rip
out your bladder
and wear it as a bandana."

EMMA: Okay, um...
PHIL: I need to know

what Glenn Cullen looks like?

Oh, Glenn Cullen, uh...
50s,
kind of depressed looking.

I always think of
him like a bloodhound.

Okay, I'll get a picture
of Mick Hucknall.

Morning, comrades!
How goes the revolution?

PHIL: Morning.
EMMA: Morning, Peter.

Our tanks on
their lawn at last,
fuck-a-doodle-doo.

Talking of which,
may I present

-the DoSAC
implementation matrix.
-EMMA: Don't ask.

Look, this is
a very straightforward
set of meetings

with the senior
civil servants.

"Where's the stopcock?"

"Where can I get
a decent cup of coffee?"

"Here's our legislative agenda
for the next three years."

Yeah, I know. But Stewart's
very keen for us to use

a visit DoSAC as
a scouting exercise.

Well, I'm very keen to use
Stewart's mouth as an ashtray

but that doesn't mean I do it.

Social mobility,
what does that actually mean?

Well, it's just a...
It's just
a personal observation,

but every time
I hear the words
"social mobility",

I keep thinking about
one of those shopping trolleys

that go down the pavement,
the electric things that...

NICOLA: What does it mean
to normal people?

It means, really, uh...

(MOBILE RINGING)

...lifting
people out of a world
of disadvantage

and into a world
of opportunity.

Sorry, just one sec, I've just
got to switch
that to voicemail.

Okay, fourth sector.
Mean anything?

Nothing. Great!
Because we're
about to create it.

-(MOBILE RINGING)
-The fourth sector is...

It's basically real people,
ordinary people...

Just give me one second.
Hello?
Yes, it's Nicola Murray.

What's going on at the school,
anyway?

Things are a little bit shitty
at home, the daughter's gone
all Raging Bull.

She put on a lot of weight?

No. No, I mean
she's kicking off at school.

Basically, ever since Malcolm
made Nicola put her
in the fucking comp,

she's heading for
what Mr Neil Diamond
I believe would have called

a "Sweet Columbine" incident.

MALCOLM: Oh, I don't give
two shits of a lamb's tail.

Eileen will just
have to postpone
her fucking throat surgery.

I want her steam-cleaned
and on The Daily Politics,

smiling and nodding
at Andrew Neil's sneery,
fucking haemorrhoid face

and telling him to lay off
the fucking fish suppers

and the poppers, right. Do it.

Okay, ahoy there, DoSAC.
Where's Dame
Ellen MacArseache?

Uh, she's on a call.

All right, okay.
Wakey, wakey, wakey.

-Yes, yes.
-Opposition drill, yeah?
Come on.

Yes. Tell James he will go
up to the school

and if he doesn't,
then he will find himself...

-Hurry up!
-...sleeping in the spare room

of his fucking sister's house.

Lovely. Thank you.

-Yeah,
opposition drill, right?
-Yeah.

When the opposition are here,
you tell them nothing

except where the toilets are,
but you lie about that, right?

And Terri, keep your tits in.

(OLLY LAUGHING)

Yeah, you are looking
very air hostess today,

is that all for Mannion?

All I said was that I think
he's a very charming man.

Should we be
formally dressed for DoSAC?

It does feel a bit like paying
our respects to
some mad, dying aunt.

No, you look fine.
It's all pretty
shambolic there at the moment.

Nicola Murray's quite
distracted with that whole
daughter thing.

Oh, what's that?

-Really interesting...
But private.
-No.

(MOBILE RINGS)

That's Stewart.
I'm just gonna
have to show him up.

Great, Mr Blue Sky.

We're not going to practise
fist bumps again, are we?

Phil, if you mention anything
out of turn while I'm gone,

I will send your Mum
that picture of you
dressed up as Cher, okay?

One button.

-Cher?
-Celine Dion, karaoke night.

It was totally harmless.

Okay, Olly told Emma
that there's a shitstorm

brewing about
the minister's daughter.

She was only the minister's
daughter, but she knew how to
take the collection.

She's 12.

Oh... Shit.
Strike that last remark,

it's actually a little poem
that gets much worse.

Okay, well let's just
put a photo of her up,

just so we know
what we're steering clear of.

You've got her photograph?
No, Phil!

Okay,
Nicola Murray's daughter,

actually that's not
Nicola Murray's daughter,
that's Tracy Beaker, right,

she was down here

on the intake list
for
an independent girls' school

but now she's going here,
local comprehensive.

A playground full of first
trimester pregnancies and
Croydon facelifts.

So what are you saying?
It's wrong to send your child
to a comprehensive?

Yeah, wrong.
Or at least very,
very careless.

So, one of the initiatives
that we've got is
a national register

of really
extraordinary ordinary people,

who we're going to call
the fourth sector pathfinders.

What I want to try and bring
to mind is that amazing JFK
speech, you know...

(MOBILE RINGS)

-Hey, come on, come on.
-Yeah, yeah.

Ask not what
your country can do,
but what you...

What your country
can do to help you do
to help you help yourself.

(SOFTLY) Nicola,
it's Martin Stone,
your daughter's headmaster.

-Yes.
-James can't come in to...

about the meeting
for your daughter's,
um, problem...

Yes, okay, thank you.
For fuck's sake, Terri!

Mr Stone, hi.

It's the whole deserving
and undeserving poor argument
again, though, isn't it?

-It's the chavs and chav-nots.
-GLENN: Yeah.

Right.
Pinky and fucking Perky,

listen, this fourth
sector thing, right?
It's fucking mad.

She's mad. She's like
Tom Cruise's favourite
fucking brush, right?

But the great
thing about it is,
it's free.

So you two, I want you
to rub your dicks together

and get some fucking energy
going in here.

I don't care whether
you inject
yourself with stem cells

or put cocaine in your
fucking Fruit Corners,

just get on with something.

Can I have a word?
My husband has bailed on me,

so I'm going to have to get to
Ella's school this afternoon.

Look, Nicola, the taxpayer
is not bankrolling you

to do this sort
of thing, you know?

I mean, if I wanted
personal errands done,

I could get
fucking the unbaked
gingerbread man there

to pop out and get me
a fucking cattle gun.

See me after school.

Okay, so... What?

Okay, just you, then, so...

Can you work up this
whole fourth sector thing?

I can see you hate the idea
so you'll be able to find
the snags, okay?

Stewart.

Ah, Peter,
I'm glad we could hook up.

Just wanted to take a couple
of turns with you on
the ideas carousel, yeah?

Think of ways we can turn your
team into a little
cluster of excellence.

Oh, you mean you wanted
to have a chat...

Hey, what's this?

Oh, that's just Phil's
Klingon horoscope.

It's an implementation matrix.

Yeah, well, clearly.
Two axes
dissecting the midpoint

to create four diametrically
opposed quadrants.

I like the plasmic nature
of your data modelling. Nice.

A child's photograph.
What is that doing up there?

PHIL: There, happy now?

PETER: Now I'm confused.
Who is that?

No one,
it's a Cylon Centurion.

Phil, help me out here.
Look, what are
these vectors, Posh and Shit?

They refer to schools.
You see, Murray's daughter
was down to go here,

some teeny, Sloanie,
independent girls' school,

but she's been moved to here,
which is a comprehensive,

bang in the middle
of a poor catchment area.

First, she opts out
of the state education system,

-which is bad.
-PHIL: Yeah.

Then, presumably under
pressure from the party
machine, she says,

"Actually,
sod your life chances,
Cylon, darling,

"Mummy's going
to send you here
to save her political career."

Badissimo!

So, how are we
going to deploy this?

We're not.

The point of
departure is this.

"Knowledge is porridge."

Oh, Jesus, Stewart,
that doesn't
even fucking rhyme.

Look, let me have a go,
all right? Look.

Suppose we're
saying that Nicola Murray
should have stuck to her guns

and sent her
daughter here: Posh.

You see, Stewart?
I can do this stuff.

Well, then we look elitist,
out of touch with
ordinary parents.

Or do we say,
"No, posh is wrongissimo."

Okay, look, look, look.
Hmm? Hmm?
Let's pause, yeah?

Let's switch off the SatNav,
pull over,
electric soft top back on,

switch off the engine.

I'm not getting
in the back seat
with you, Stewart,

if this where this
sinister mind game is going.

Let's imagineer a narrative.

-Oh, goody.
-So,
let's imagineer the narrative

that Peter here may know
something about this but he
refuses to tell you.

"It's beneath
his dignity", say.

I hate to be a spoil-sport,
but can we briefly refocus on
our visit to DoSAC?

-STEWART: Yeah.
Who are you meeting?
-Got a couple of meetings

with two top people, you know,
the big, swinging dicks.

Yeah, okay, well, don't forget
the tiny, static dicks.

Yeah, we're not allowed
to talk to her boyfriend,
though.

Very funny.
What about Terri Coverley?
Olly says she's utter shit.

Let's make
an appointment for Peter here

to take her out for a nice
skinny latte, yeah?

-See if she spills
the coffee beans.
-Great.

-Thank you.
-Hello, Mrs Murray,

-thanks for coming in.
-Mr Stone, thank you so much.

Thank you, Christina.

Sorry,
is your husband not with you?

-No, I'm sorry.
-Okay,
well that's disappointing,

'cause I really
was hoping to speak
to both of you about this.

Yeah, I did actually want
to come and see you anyway

-on a separate issue.
-Oh! All right.

I wondered if you'd be
interested in becoming

one of our first
fourth sector pathfinders?

Right. Well, I don't know
what that
actually means, but...

(LAUGHING) I do look
fantastic in a safari suit.

Oh, right. I'm sure you do.

-Let's just put
that to one side.
-Yes, obviously.

As we know, Ella's, well,
let's say
"challenging behaviour"

has reached a critical point.

There was
an instant yesterday.

Ella and some accomplices
attacked another Year 7 girl

with a pair of
hair straighteners.

Pinned her down,
this girl who has
quite curly hair,

and Ella set about ironing it.

Oh, my God.

Right. They're here.

Has anyone seen my
implementation file?

Is that it over there?

Yeah, thanks, Glenn.

(SIGHS) Is this you, Glenn?

GLENN: No, it's Olly,
you know what he's like.

(SIGHS) Well, it's puerile.
I've had to call bloody IT.

Olly's put some kind of
awful screensaver on.

How do you disable it?

It's not funny, Glenn.

I know. I'm not laughing.

Have you met Mr
Darcy yet, then?

Has he swung in
through the window

in a little top hat
and smoking jacket?

This feedback is really,
really so encouraging.

Having trouble with the old
fourth sector ring-around,
are you?

No, not really. I just ring
people up and say,
"Do you think this is shite?"

They say yes,
I agree, that's it.
Job done.

What have you
actually been doing, then?

I've actually been making
some Peter Mannion face masks.

(LAUGHING) Excellent!

(SEDUCTIVE VOICE) "Oh,
Terri, me beauty,
I like the heft of your jib.

"Oh, dear, I'm going all
boogie-woogie downstairs."

(MOBILE RINGING)

(AS MANNION) Hello?

Hi, Olly,
I've got a bit
of news for you.

Right.
You're pregnant, are you?

No, I'm not fucking pregnant!

So what's your...
What is your news?

It's the Nicola
Murray daughter thing,

you know the switching
from private to state?

They know about it here.

Thank you, Emma! How? How?

-Phil.
-Right,
okay, well, you tell Phil,

I'm going to take his stupid
fucking light saber collection

and shove it slowly through
his eye sockets, right?

How has Ella been
behaving at home?

Let's say,
over the last week or so.

Well, not fantastically good,
apparently.

Sorry, "apparently"?

Because the fourth sector
pathfinder initiative

is taking up very
much all of my time.

I haven't seen Ella.

And your
husband's been around?

(CHUCKLES) Meet my husband.
He's never really there.

Let me put my
cards on the table.

This incident with the hair
straighteners was
so severe, okay,

that I have no option

but to exclude
Ella from this school
with immediate effect.

(MOBILE RINGING)

You'll be taking
her home with you.

No, well, I can't do that,
you see, I can't have her
with me today...

Oh, look, Mrs Murray,
please answer that phone.

I'm so sorry, I will be back.

Olly, what is it?
This had better be important.

Mannion's team know
about the school switch.

(SIGHS)

You shouldn't worry because
there's no way the press
will run with this,

it's a personal thing.

Ella's been
bullying other kids
and, um,

they're
threatening to exclude her.

-What?
-GLENN: What's going on?

OLLY: Hey, at least
they're not
going to expel her.

No,
it's the same fucking thing!

That's what they say
to make it sound better.

It's still the same old shit.

No. Oh, right. Oh, right.

(CRYING) This is
just so awful and...
Oh, Olly, I'm such a crap mom!

I'm such a crap mum!

No, no, you're not...

No, you're really good,
you're a pathfinder mum.

That's what you are.

Yeah, well,

I made my daughter
come to this fucking school

away from all her friends

and she just turned into
a total fucking droog!

Yeah, but... You know...

That's it, is it? Thanks,
Olly, good to know
you're there for me.

What is this
wheelie bin of misery?

Do I gather Ella is bullying?

You have to keep
this to yourself.

It's okay.
The press can't use it.

This is
something that you and I
just keep between ourselves.

Okay.

-There's no
need to tell Terri.
-Okay. Good. Good.

Unbelievable!
£6.50 booking fee

for every single person
I'm taking in my party of 10.

-Sounds serious, Terri.
-Any news from Nicola?

-GLENN: No.
-Nothing.

We're in.

Philip, you're not in
Mission Impossible.

Some guy just made contact.
Uh, looks like an Ewok,

small patch of white hair
on left temple.

Ah, that would be Robert King,
civil servant,
used to work with BERR.

Olly says he's
a bit of a druid.

Who's that
bloke staring at us?

-That...
That's actually a woman.
-Oh, Christ.

I'm not losing my touch,
I just haven't got my distance
glasses with me.

(CHUCKLING) The old
Bangkok exoneration.

Route one excuse
for accidentally
having a go on a transsexual.

Christ, Phil,
she's actually a bit creepy.

Looks as if she's gonna
launch herself at
us at any second.

Emma, I've got a woman
staring at us from a balcony,

sort of dark hair,
like in a bob?

She looks like
she's in her own world
and she's got lost there?

Oh, that's Terri.
That'll be Terri Coverley.

That's the shit one, isn't it?
Yeah, she's the shit one.

Oh, right. Well, she might
be worth a chat-up.

Let's see if
she's due a binning
when the inevitable occurs.

Everything all right
with the pathpeople?

Pathfinders.
So, exclusion is massive,
isn't it?

Well, I'm very sorry,
but the guidelines on this,

guidelines which
your government
introduced, remember,

with quite
a splash of publicity,

are perfectly clear.
Zero tolerance on bullying.
Zero.

It's just the press would have
a field day with this,
you know?

"Government
minister who bangs on about
protecting the vulnerable

"from the brutalising
effects of injustice.

"Ha ha ha,
her daughter's a bully

"and ha ha ha,
she's
a completely shit mum..."

Sorry, I don't
swear at home, actually.

You're not a bad mother,
I'm sure.

Just..maybe not entirely
present all the time.

Yeah.

Are you all right, Mrs Murray?

Hmm, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just resting my face.

Now,
hang on, there's a complete
fucking penis in my building

who I need to have a word
with. All right,
I'll speak to you later.

Oi, oi! James fucking May!

It was you sprayed the private
information about the school,
wasn't it?

Like Jenson Button
shaking up a magnum of piss.

Oh, just listen to yourself!

Okay, at first it was private
information between
you and your boss.

Then it was private
information between you and
your girlfriend,

then it was private
information between your
girlfriend and her colleagues.

-Yeah.
-I mean,
I can draw you a diagram

if you like,
it's like a fucking
swine flu pandemic.

I've clearly made an error,
which I have to
take up with Emma.

-You shouldn't be
fucking using it...
-Exactly. This is your fault.

-...for political... No, no.
-It's not my fault.

You're like the man who fucked
the monkey that gave us AIDS,

that's who you are.

I'm like the man who did what?

Who fucked
the monkey that gave us AIDS?

I'll tell you
something and you'll say,
"It wasn't me, it wasn't me."

There's monkey shit
on your balls, not mine.

I love it, I love it.
It's the pre-match sparring

for the big super
gayweight title fight, eh?

Okay, Oliver, wipe away the
pre-come. You've got some
work to get on with.

-Yeah, Malcolm...
-What?

The Nicola thing, I think,
is getting a bit worse.

It looks like her daughter's
about to be
excluded for bullying.

Yeah, I know.
Glenn told me that.

What? When did...

Yeah. The thing is, all we've
got to do is if we try
and keep this info

very, very closely contained,
we'll be all right, yeah?

-Okay.
-Okay?

-Okay.
-On you go.

Okay, Shitehead Revisited,

did you know that
Nicola Murray's daughter

is about to be
expelled from school
for fucking bullying?

-What are you doing?
-No.

-Don't worry.
Did you not know that?
-No. Why would I...

Of course, you wouldn't know
that now because
the only people

who know that right now are
Mrs Murray, her daughter,
Olly and me, yeah.

If this gets into the press,
I would know that
it came from you.

Clever.

(CHUCKLING)

And I would rain
down upon you so hard

that you'd have
to be reassembled by fucking
air crash investigators.

-No...
-Do not fucking
interrupt me, son, ever.

Now, get this into the noggin,
right?

You breathe a word
of this to anyone,
you mincing fucking cunt,

and I will tear
your fucking skin off,

I will wear it to your
mother's birthday party

and I will rub your nuts
up and down her leg

whilst whistling
Bohemian fucking Rhapsody,
right?

-Yeah.
-Now,

get out of my fucking sight!

Yeah.

I've been kind of
a target for the press
and, uh, I just...

I don't want Ella suffering
on my account, really.

Look, it's possible,
theoretically possible

I could park the exclusion,
temporarily, maybe.

That would...
That would just be so great.

But we would need to draw up
a pupil behavioural contract.

-You and your husband,
together...
-Absolutely.

-...and Ella.
-Obviously, yeah.

Thank you so much,
thank you, Mr Stone.
Really, I owe you one.

And I'll talk to you
on a separate
occasion about the thing.

-Yeah, streetwalkers thing.
-Uh, pathfinders thing.

It was a joke.

(LAUGHING) It was good,
wasn't it?
Very good.

PETER: All right,
thanks for your help.

-Where are you going?
-Going through
a thing with Malcolm

about Nicola's daughter.
She's being
excluded from school,

but don't tell
anyone or I'm dead, okay?

Everyone knows that,
it's all over the building.

A senior civil
servant told me.

Oh, shit! I'm straight to DVD,
I'm the night shift.

Malcolm's gonna kill me.

His bark's
worse than his bite.

MALCOLM: Ah, Peter!

Speaking of rabies injections,
here he is.

I didn't know you were still
alive. How's the old '80s
tribute band going?

Still doing the Robert Palmer
look-alikey thing, huh?

(CHUCKLING) Malcolm, you're
looking well for someone
twice your age.

Any news on the aneurysm?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Funny man, funny, funny man.
See you later.

Why don't you find out
how their data back-up works,

I've got a meeting
with leaky Terri.

Oh, that sounded wrong.

I want to talk about the
social networking that
the daughter uses.

Is she on Facebook or Bebo,
does she Twitter?

Are any of her victims
on Facebook or Twitter?

Here on the left,
we've got the Guardian.

What's the weather like
over the Guardian?

How do we counter-massage,
yeah?

To be completely honest,
Stewart,
I'm just curious

as to what the press
is going to make of this.
That's all...

Yeah. Yeah, of course you are.
Which is the entire purpose

of the matrix to begin with.
Look.

What I want to do
is just, kind of,

graphicise and
three-dimensionalise
our response.

-Stage one,
story leaks, our response.
-Uh-huh.

-We move forward to stage two.
-Mmm-hmm.

What's our re-response
when the press
come back to us?

And then, we move
forward again to stage three.

What's our
response to their response
to our response?

We've gotta think
multi-dimensional.
It's fractal retaliation.

Mmm-hmm.
Do you fancy a cup of tea?

-Yeah,
you got anything herbal?
-Okay, yeah.

Oh, sorry, do you smoke?

-Oh! Are they low-tar?
-Mmm-hmm.

That's my favourite.

(CHUCKLES) We're
a dying breed, eh?

Oh, yes.

We've met before,
when you were
a Defra as a junior minister.

Oh, sorry, I don't remember.
Were you at the department?

No, no, no.
I was at Sainsbury's.

Press, not on the tills.

And I set up
the photo shoot for you
with the sustainable sea bass.

-Uh-huh.
-And I remember you made

some kind of quip about, uh,
something to do with fishnets.

'Cause there
was a girl who was
wearing stockings, you see.

Well, that certainly dates it.

You wouldn't be able to make
that kind of comment now.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

More's the pity.

How's Nicola coping? Some
trouble with her daughter,
bullying or something?

Her daughter being bullied?
The poor little thing.

I mean, just because
she's put on a bit of weight.

(MOBILE RINGING)

Ah, Stewart, what flavour
of nut brown piss are you
going to pour into my ear?

How's the info pump firing?

Oh, you mean Terri Coverley?
She's useless,
she knows nothing.

You two would get on.

Well, she may not know the
story, Peter, but just about
everybody else does.

So,
according to the matrix here,

we're looking at
an 83 to 90% chance
of this story making it.

And if it does, well,
someone's gonna use it.

And if someone is,
then that someone
should be us, yeah?

No way,
we're not gonna do this.

Peter, listen to me, no one
is more shocked than I am

at the chain of
events here, okay?

How about you getting back
here so we can have
a little debrief?

Fuck that, Stewart!
We are not going
to use this story.

I'd love to natter,
unfortunately I think

I've got another
call coming through.

Peter? Hello.
Did you want another fag?

Can I see Nicola?

TERRI: Well, that's a bit
of a protocoly thing,
so, um...

It's a personal matter,
I'll just...

What the fuck
is he doing here?

Have you locked the building
so he can't get out?

Could I have a word
about your school situation?

It's no big deal, really.
It's just that old perennial,
isn't it?

Should I send my kids
to public school?

I meant about the bullying.

Uh, right. Can you...
Come in. Sit down, Peter.

How do you know about that?

Well, everyone here knows,
and some of our lot know.

Some of your lot know?

There's quite
a lot of pressure on me
from above to use it,

but I just wanted you to know
that I won't.

Thank you.

Um, I'd like to think I'd do
the same for you,
I think I would.

Well, it's only DoSAC,
sock of shit.

Sorry, it's what we call DoSAC
over there in the enemy camp.

Social Affairs Citizenship,
Soc-Af-Cit,
sock of shit, no disrespect.

You've got time on your hands
over on the dark side.

I'll leave you
to get on with it.

Thank you for doing
the honourable thing.

What?
Have you just googled that?
Is that... What is that?

Olly did that.
Nothing to do with me,
I don't want to fellate you.

Well, I know I'm planning
big changes around here,

but nothing along those lines.

Get in my office now,
and you, Glenn.

Mannion knows about Ella,
and I want to know how?

-Who did you tell?
-I only told Glenn.

-I only
mentioned it to Glenn...
-I only told Malcolm.

You told Malcolm what?

Ella has been excluded for...

-Nearly!
-Nearly excluded

for bullying other children.

-Oh, she's the bully?
-Yes. Yes.

-Oh! Oh, that's nasty.
-Well, that's helpful.

Could you keep
your fucking opinions
to yourself, please?

Well,
you can't use it, can you?
So who told you?

Coverley, Comms.
Sorry, Nicola,
just got to take this.

Olly Reeder.

So what you're saying
is you do know about it...

TERRI:
She's looking a bit upset.

Right, right.
But you're not
going to use it?

Oh, well, thanks for
telling us. Yeah...

Yes,
obviously you can't use it,
that's...

Oh, you know about it, do you?

I'm going home.
I'm going to see my daughter,

I'm going to give her a big
kiss and
the bollocking of her life.

Nicola, just got a text from
Malcolm. He's says he knows
Mannion was here.

Text reads,

"I know about your fucking
meeting with that ageing
flamenco guitarist.

"You are NOT..." Big letters.
"...to go home.

"There's been an escalation."

-Shit.
-He says he wants
you at Number 10,

ASAFP.

-F meaning...
-"Feasibly", I should imagine.

Stewart, you're still here?
To what do I owe this pain?

It's called politics, Peter.
We're trying to do
it from your office.

I've told Nicola Murray
I'm not
capitalising on that story.

I'm speechless!

Do you want to get booted out
of the shadow cabinet?

You're wanting to spend more
time hiding from your
wife in the greenhouse?

Yes, if it came to it!

If you have to wade through
all this shit to
win the election,

then I'm happy to
lose it, all right?

Malcolm?

Hi, Nicola,
thanks very much
for coming over.

Uh, can I get you something?

Actually, you haven't got
any whisky, have you?

Whisky? Yeah.
Hasn't been
touched for a while.

Still got Anthony Eden's
lipstick on the bottle.

Hey, do you
remember when you started,

I said I didn't have
much of a folder on you?

You should see it now.

Looks like
a fucking butcher's slab,
just as graphic.

Right. So,
can we... I need to get home.

You said there'd
been an escalation.

The good news is that even
though everybody's got
this bullying story,

no one can use it.

Good. But...
I'm sensing there is a "but",

probably the size
of a fucking house.

The bad news is
that they will run with
"Headteacher bends the rules

"and gives
preferential treatment
to cabinet minister."

It's unacceptable.

The Board of
Governors have no choice,
he'll have to resign.

No, no, no. No.

Yeah, I'm afraid
it's fuck off, Mr Chips.

No!
It should be me who resigns.

You resign now,
you'll be up there
with the fucking shaggers

and expenses fiddlers

and the guys who
asphyxiate themselves
having a wank in a Travelodge.

And your daughter, your Ella,

she will be
publicly and very, very
fucking horribly humiliated.

Now, that is not something
that helps anybody.

It doesn't...
Hey, hey, hey, come on, look.

That is not...
Look, it doesn't...

That's not a plan,
is it, Stan?

Come on,
that's not an agenda, Brenda.
Come on.

And I'm staying here
to do what, exactly?

Because I don't
feel like I'm... Sorry.

(SNIFFLES)

I don't feel like
I'm really
making things better.

Listen, Nicky,
this, it's a war, right?

It's a fucking war.

Now, you can't change a thing
unless you win the war.

And you cannot win the war
unless you are
prepared to fight.

That's what this
all about for you,
isn't it?

It's just about fighting
and fucking power.

Does it never occur to you
that your poisonous male
obsession with conflict,

which is making
people despise politics?

And by the way,
don't ever
fucking call me Nicky!

Spare me your fucking
psycho-fanny, right?

What do you think fucking
Mannion's doing right now?

Michael Aspel's cooler,
fucking younger brother?

I'll tell you what he's doing.

He's sitting
around with his pals.
You know what they're doing?

They're telling very fucking
nasty jokes about your family.

They're playing
fucking pin the cock
on the fucking donkey's face

with your face there,
'cause you're
the fucking donkey, right?

So you should just fucking
count your blessings!

Ella's not been excluded!

That's what you wanted, right?

-Yes?
-Yeah, I really wanted

...Ella to be able to stay
at a shit school,

the only redeeming feature
of which was the headmaster,

who thanks to me
has now been forced out.

Yeah, well, um...

Maybe...

Maybe in a term
or so, you know,

we might understand if you
very quietly
decided to move her.

Really?

Yeah.

Good.
Good. Okay, so it's Mannion.

What do we do? I mean,
do we go after him
with one of your,

you know, things that you say,

like a big bum
dildo of vengeance
or something?

There you go,
that's my girl, yeah.

Indiana Murray
and the Bum
Dildo of Vengeance.

I like it.

Hey, do you want
his mobile number?

That was Nicola Murray.
She says

from now on, nothing
in my private
life is off limits.

Has she got
anything she could use?

No, I don't think so.

PHIL: He took a piss against
Big Ben on his stag night.

I don't reckon
they'll use that.
And the lovechild,

-that's been and gone,
hasn't it?
-Yeah.

We could have had shots of her
scuttling into her house,

scurrying out
again to make some
humiliating public statement,

surrounded by
members of her family,
all grinning like Alsatians.

Do you remember that, Peter,
when the pregnant
mistress story broke, eh?

You and Mrs Mannion
standing on your doorstep,

her never going to touch
little Peter again?

The press talking about
Cheater Mannion.

Everyone reading about
how you like to make love

to Jeff Wayne's
War of the Worlds.