Original subtitles

THAT MALICIOUS AGE

I said dinner is ready!

Why do you make me say the same things twice?

Will you stop it with those 4 worn paintbrushes?

Throw that stuff away and come and eat!

You think you can pull through with that artist in a dream world look?

Look at him! His head in the clouds.

He collects spacial harmonies. He's a misunderstood genius.

Don't make me laugh.

You must stop making yourself look important.

Anyway, no one will fall for it.

And you have to answer when I'm talking to you! Got it?

Come on, answer me!

What do you think? That I'll be your servant all your life?

I toil like crazy all day long, to feed you... to keep the house clean...

And you? How do you treat me?

As if I didn't exist.

Just so long as you could satisfy your filthy needs

I was good for you, indeed.

Not bad coming back home to find someone ready to slog away as much as you like.

Convenient, isn't it? Convenient?

Well? What are you going to do with that rusty piece of iron?

Shoot at me? Do me a favour!

To kill someone, you need courage. And you don't even know what it is.

And to think I loved you like a woman, like a mother, like a sister...

I've given my whole life for you. And you?

You don't even say "thanks" to me.

Yet, there was a time when you did care about me.

You were so kind, then.

So attentive. You could find the right words for every situation.

And I believed in them. I would go through fire and water for you.

What are you doing? Stay... What are...? Get your hands off me!

Put those hands down! Don't play the fool! Put your hands down!

This is the result?

You bite the hand that feeds you.

You're disgusting! That's what you are!

You're the filthiest, the most repulsive person I've ever met!

You've no dignity. You've no talent. You've absolutely nothing!

You're an absolute zero! Got it? A failed wretch!

If only you let out a breath.

I mean, if I once, just once, could hear your voice.

Why you don't talk?

Well done! Congratulations!

Make the house dirty. Smash everything! Mess everything up.

Anyway, there's this idiot who will tidy it up.

What you break, you have to buy again! Someone in this house earns a living.

Someone who works for real.

Why should you care where the money comes from?

As long as there's enough to keep your stomach filled!

I could earn my living as a whore. And you wouldn't give a damn!

Am I wrong?

Gardener wanted willing to move out of town. Lanzi, 11 Ferrari Street

Madam will come right away.

Good morning.

I've just finished showering. May I help you?

Are you looking for someone?

I'm not looking for someone.

I only need a gardener.

Are you one? - Theoretically, I am. - And practically?

Well, I studied flowers, plants... Nature.

I've a particular tendency for all the things that cannot articulate.

You paint, don't you?

You read my mind? - Your sleeve is still smeared with tempera.

I didn't notice it.

So, you're a painter. - Theoretically, I am.

And practically? - Practically, I'm looking for a job.

Take a seat. I don't like looking up.

Do you have any references? - None.

Anyway, I have a clean criminal record.

It's not a good qualification nowadays.

May I?

The work you'll be doing is not particularly complicated.

Keeping the garden tidy.

Looking after the rabbits, hens... Well, the villa is a bit isolated.

You know, I'd like it better if someone else looked after it.

Sadly, my husband is very sick and he can't be of help.

That's all. Do you feel up to assuming the task?

I think so.

Do you just think or maybe you're sure? - It was just a manner of speaking.

I'm able to assume the task.

On principle, I don't accept strangers in my house.

It's a rule I've never infringed and I wouldn't like to make exceptions.

Alright, alright, I got it. Goodbye.

Wait! I haven't finished.

I said "I wouldn't like".

Unfortunately, I don't have much time to play around with.

And today, it's not easy finding someone willing to...

move from one place to another.

Have you got bonds? I mean... Are you married? Do you have children?

Completely independent.

Great! It'll be my first exception. What's your name?

Napo. - Sorry?

Napoleon.

Funny, isn't it?

Quite funny, but not for what you think it is.

Do you know where my villa is located?

It's not written in the advertisement. - On Elba. Napoleon on Elba.

Doesn't that make you laugh? - Not really.

Alright, then. 100,000 a month plus room and board. Any problems?

None!

We'll leave for the island today. You on the first ferry in the morning.

There'll be someone waiting for you.

I wish you a safe journey and a longer stay than your predecessor.

Indeed.

Anyhow, better Elba than Saint Helena.

See you soon.

I'm Paola.

They told me to pick you up. - How did you recognize me?

Mom described to me how you looked.

And how did I look?

I thought they blew me off. - Blew you off?

Never mind. What now? Take a cab? - I don't see any.

The bus, over there. - Alright. Let's go, then.

Always this way. The population increases, the buses, no.

So, could you go ahead a little, please?

The house is over there. By walking along the beach... - I'll go get the bag.

Come with me a little. I want to show something.

Come! - Let me go! Get your hands off me!

But...

Let me go!

Slut! You're a bigger slut than your mother!

Where are you off to?

If you're smart enough, stay away from that house.

The Devil is in there.

Listen to me! Get away while you've still got time.

It's past twelve. You were supposed to arrive hours ago.

There was a little problem making contact on the pier.

Apart from that, the road along the beach... has its drawbacks.

Follow me. I'll show you your lodgings.

It was an old store room I had fixed up 2 years ago.

I think that... You can adapt yourself. - It'll suit me fine, thanks.

Lunch will be ready shortly.

You don't have to work today. You'll start tomorrow morning.

Have a nice day. - Have a nice day.

Here you are. And don't mess up too much.

Men always make everything dirty.

Only water? - No wine in the house. Ever.

Just a minute. - Yes?

Do you have a twin sister around here by any chance?

Keep your wisecracks to yourself. They won't wash with me.

Likeable, this one.

Good morning.

Excuse me... - Carlotta told me that you had complained.

There's no wine. I found some whiskey. Is it of use to you? - What?

Oh, yes! The woman... She suffers from neurasthenia.

You see, in this house, wine has been banned owing to my husband.

I told you he suffers from heart trouble. That's why we live here, on the island.

The air is good and the food healthy. To him, it's a matter of life or death.

What do you need this gadget for? I don't want guns in my house.

No, it's just a keepsake. It belonged to my father.

That's all he left behind.

His identity tag. A shoe... The right one.

And this gadget, as you call it.

I'm sorry.

How do you find it here?

I don't know yet.

I haven't come in here since the day of its transformation.

Is the bed comfortable enough?

If you wish, I can change the mattress. - Don't worry. It's all right.

Really?

This is the list of the most important things to finish off.

Examine it at your leisure and draw up a schedule.

We're up at 7 o'clock. See you tomorrow.

What's wrong with this soil? Flowers wilt before they even come up.

Good morning. - Good morning. - Did you sleep well? - Quite well.

It was hot last night. - We're on the open seas.

I never realize it because I have my feet on the mainland.

But, really, it's as if we're travelling on a liner as big as this island.

I believe so. Should I take care of the roses?

Not now. Actually, I need to ask you a favour. - Please do.

My husband needs his usual medicines.

The chemist knows which ones.

I thought you could take the car and drop in at the chemist's to buy them.

Of course, this doesn't fall within your duty. - No, I'll go. Don't worry.

Your husband is a writer? - Not really.

Let's say he writes. It's more exact. - I see.

Well, the keys. - Here you are.

The car is in the garage, at street level.

And... I'm very grateful, Napoleon.

Where are you going? - To Portoferraio.

What a coincidence. - Can you give me a lift?

Speaking of coincidences, I'm going there too. Get in.

My mother gave you the keys? - No, no.

I intend to turn this car into a motorboat.

How can I steal a car on an island? - Indeed.

It has never occured to me.

See you later.

OK?

As for me... - Do you have to stay long?

It depends. - Say, in an hour?

Let's say so.

My Fernet? - Here you are.

A cup of coffee! - Cheers! - Cheers!

May I help you? - I'm waiting for a girl. She came in a few hours ago.

You must be mistaken. No girl has come in since this morning. - Sorry.

Thanks, anyway. Have a great day.

Where the hell did you get to?

Nowhere. I changed my mind. - Get in.

What a stupid idea! First, you ask me for a lift then you go away.

You never change your mind? - Not so hastily.

Then, it's just a matter of time and time doesn't really exist.

We've created it. Did you know that?

With this. - Be careful. The brain is a dangerous tool.

Indeed. But it's essential.

Without it, there would be no love either.

Sensuality, eroticism... I'll give you an example.

What's more sexy to you? A woman stripping in front of you

or another who lets herself be spied through an open window or a keyhole?

I waited for you for almost 2 hours.

I take lessons in English twice a week.

Pull up! - Why?

I don't want my mother to see me with you.

Is it true you're called Napoleon? - So what?

Baby! Come here. Come with me.

How beautiful you are! Let's do a thing.

Baby... Pretty girl!

Let's do something together.

Let's go. Come!

Swine.

Swine! Clear off!

What do you want? I told you to stay away from them.

You have to get out. Go away! Beat it! - Why pick on me?

What have I done to you? - If you ever touch her...

If you touch her... Pin back your damn ears.

Son of a bitch!

Stop it!

Cut it out, you two!

Are you crazy? Cut it out, I said.

What a sight you look. Come with me.

Lie down on the bed.

Take off your T-shirt. I'll wash it for you.

Lie down.

That's it. Hold still.

A fine thing! To brawl like that.

Who is he? - A fisherman who landed here from Spain several years ago.

He's harmless, on the whole.

He showed disrespect towards your daughter. - My daughter?

But Paola is at home.

Anyhow... With gestures...

With his behaviour.

It was like... It was like...

It's hard to explain.

A phallic dance. Is that what you mean?

Exactly.

It's his way of expressing himself. He's a fisherman.

And like all the primitives he conveys his feelings through dance.

Do you find it strange?

Yes... I find it a bit disgusting.

And obscene.

I can admit it's disgusting. It reflects your personal opinion.

But I wouldn't say it's obscene.

He...

Unbuttoned his trousers. - And pulled out his manhood.

Am I right? - Indeed.

It was considerably huge, right? - Well, I... I didn't notice.

I did.

Sorry?

You're astonished that I'm taking about certain topics?

Well, I am a bit. I admit.

You're astonished when I talk about it

then you'll buy some pornographic magazines

or maybe spy through some keyhole.

Don't you think you're a bit of a hypocrite?

Maybe.

Oh, thank you. I'm feeling better now.

It appears I'm urged to go away.

Have I shocked you? - No.

Be honest. - I said you hadn't.

So... Would you be prepared to unbutton your trousers in front of a stranger?

Let's say, in front of me.

Would you be prepared to undress in front of a stranger? Let's say...

In front of me.

That's done. Your turn, now.

Well, at least, light a cigarette for me.

No, better not.

Let go of me! I didn't tell you I want to make love.

I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.

You have a big head. If I want a man, I don't use subterfuge.

I'm sorry.

I can see you've come to your senses. No more of this episode.

I'm going into town. Do you need anything?

No, thanks. If you like, I can take you.

I didn't ask you that. I'm a good driver. Tend the garden, instead.

My knowledge of gardening is a bit scant. - We've discussed all that.

Hey, you! Excuse me.

You're the new gardener, right? - Right.

Although I'm inclined to consider it a simple euphemism. - Yes, indeed.

I can appreciate that. You're a rather cultured man.

Not as much as you, of course. - Ah, the books!

A load of old rubbish with some gleam of truth, now and then.

I'm trying to clear up some essential points of Napoleon's stay on this island.

I hope to publish the results as soon as possible.

Have you ever been interested in Napoleon?

Look. I might reply "yes".

But I'll be ridiculously humorous.

Humour is indicative of high intelligence. But often of scepticism as well.

And you... Do you know about medicine?

As much as I know about gardening. I paint. - Oh, a painter.

And what would a painter do if the thermometer persisted in showing...

a high fever?

He'd send for a doctor. Who is the sick person? - Paola.

I think you've already met her.

She got caught in the rain and maybe she caught a raging fever.

You see, there are few doctors around here unlike in the town.

We've got to do something! - That's why I asked for your advice.

I thought you could help me out. Come with me. We'll try to do something.

There are medicines in the house.

There! This ointment. You know, my hands...

They are no longer what they used to be.

I'll see about it! - I'm very grateful. Come with me.

How dejected she is.

Paola, listen.

The gentleman kindly offered to help us.

He'll apply a thermogenetic ointment. It'll do you good, you'll see.

She should lie face down and take off her blouse. - Of course.

Did you hear, darling?

You must lie on your stomach and leave it to us.

This gentleman... will rub the ointment onto your skin.

It'll be a real relief to you, you'll see.

No! I don't want to! - Darling...

Don't be naughty. It's for your own good.

You mustn't be rude to those who what to help you.

Come on. That's it. You can proceed.

Now, the other side.

Did you hear me, darling? The other side.

That's done.

Now, we need aspirin.

I'll hop over to the town to buy some. - I'm very grateful to you.

I really am.

Good evening. - Good evening. - It seems it's getting late.

The car started playing up. I got stuck in town.

I hope my daughter is feeling better. - She'll get well in a few days.

How do you know that?

I'm a fortune teller. I see into the future.

Wait for me, Paola!

Come on! - No, I'm not coming.

See you at lunch.

Don't worry. She won't fall down.

Rather, look over there. It's a wonderful sight.

Why aren't you taking care of Paola? She's hardly eating.

Be more of a gentleman towards her. - They behave like they're already married.

They ignore each other completely.

Not every marriage has the same result.

I hope theirs is perfect.

Easy now. Franco has still two years at university ahead of him.

Let things take their course.

I feel like running.

Well? What are you waiting for?

Hey, Paola! Wait for me!

Don't move.

If you stretch out your arms, you're perfect.

Like this?

I might adore you, My Lord.

No! I despise the competition. - What do you mean?

Get in, Paola. - I'm coming with my mother. See you at the villa.

It's clear that you've recovered completely.

I've never seen you so wild.

Thanks to Napo. Adolfo didn't tell you anything?

You could call me "dad" sometimes.

Why? You aren't my father.

That's not a good excuse. He's my husband, anyhow.

Husband? It's a funny word.

Husband, husband, husband...

Notice how all words become funny if pronounced several times in a row?

Stop talking nonsense, Paola.

You're distracting Napoleon from driving. - Napoleon...

Why don't you call him Napo? It's sweeter. Less bombastic.

You mean "booming"?

I mean less boom! You got it all right.

Now, stop talking and hold still. Alright?

Alright.

What's this story about Napo and Paola's illness?

Nothing. Nonsense. Napo gave me a hand with treating the girl in your absence.

That's all.

From now on, I'll appreciate you taking only the tasks assigned to you.

As you wish.

Watch out, Napo!

I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. - I can see that, Napoleon.

Hi!

Why aren't you sleeping? - Noises on the roof.

Some cat. - That cat was me.

I was throwing stones at the roof. I wanted to see you.

No. Not now. My mother often gets up at night.

Then, come to my place.

Listen. See you tomorrow.

I'll say I'm going to my English lesson.

Where shall I wait for you?

In Calenzano Pinewoods. A short distance from the mountaintop.

You can see it from your terrace. On the other side, there's a hidden inlet.

Alright. - See you there tomorrow morning.

Listen, Paola... - Go to bed, now.

I promise I won't throw any more stones.

Carlotta, where's Paola? Wasn't she supposed to go to English lesson?

I don't know. I saw her walking towards Calenzano.

I'll go get your clothes.

Girl...

Look...

I don't want to hurt you. Don't run away.

Help!

Help!

Get off me! Get off me!

He wanted to take me. I hit him. He wanted to take me.

He's dead?

No.

Listen. Hurry up! Get dressed.

You must get back home before someone sees you.

Come on, hurry up!

I'll tell my mother everything.

Don't worry. She won't say anything.

Don't waste time! Hurry up!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Stop it, you idiot! Stop it! Stop it!

Go home! Go home! Got it? That's an order!

Go away! Beat it!

Where have you been?

What happened?

It was horrible.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to.

I hit him to defend myself.

I didn't want to.

Speak up, my child. Tell me everything. What happened?

It was a mishap. - Paola has already told me everything.

There's nothing we can do anymore. He's dying.

We've got to do something. If need be, we'll send for a doctor.

We'll take him to the hospital. Go to the villa.

Go get the gauze and medicines. What are you waiting for? Hurry, I said!

Where is he? - At the bottom of the sea.

He was dead when I threw him in.

It's a 9 in 10 chance that he won't come up to the surface.

What if he does? - Then, so much the worse for you.

You are the one to blame for what happened.

You yourself must pay for this death.

What?

You heard me perfectly well.

My daughter mustn't get involved in this story.

She's still a girl. And you took advantage of her.

But I didn't kill him. - No one would believe you.

Try it, if you can.

I'll kill you, you damn slut! I'll kill you!

Another murder?

It's no use, Napoleon.

You've met your Waterloo.

Everybody knows that there was bad blood between you two.

There's also someone who saw you clashing with him.

If someone should pay for his death some day it won't be Paola but you!

No one but you!

It's absurd.

Insane.

My daughter is not for you.

Get out of this island! Go far away!

But don't fool yourself.

Through your whole life, you'll be hanging by a thread.

The one that keeps, at the bottom of the sea, the body of man...

that you killed.

Goodbye!

Hey, you! Just a moment.

Something has slipped out of your pocket.

English subtitles: Corvusalbus, Cinemageddon