Original subtitles

Come on, Pop. Let's go, okay?

Slow down. I only write so fast.

Listen, if we had started this last month like we were supposed to, we'd be

finished by now.

Okay. One guitar, bought for $6, depreciated to $2, listed at

$12, we'll take $7. You got it?

Got it.

One guitar, bought for $2. $6.

Six dollars, Pop. Six dollars. Six dollars.

Appreciated to... Depreciated.

Yeah, depreciated to 12.

Two.

Two, Pop. I give up.

Two. Lamont gives up.

You know, I don't believe you.

And doesn't believe me.

Got it. Next. Next, we're gonna go to jail, Pop.

Marvin's coming over here to do our taxes, and they gotta be mailed in no

than midnight tomorrow.

We got ten days worth of work to do in one.

Now, do me a favor.

Try and pay attention, okay? I'm tired of paying attention.

And I'm tired of paying taxes, too.

But, yeah, let me ask you a question.

What do we pay the government that money for?

What for?

For security, Pop. For defense.

Defense and security?

You see the soldiers around here?

We were robbed twice last year. Now, where were the soldiers?

government give us a refund on the robbery?

Come on, Pop. Your tax money also goes to poverty pockets.

And it comes from poverty pockets.

It winds up in a lot of rich ones.

I get it. Come in!

Good day, good day.

Hello, Marvin.

Don't hello me. I'm a very busy man.

Now, I hope you got your books in order so I can take them home and get the tax

forms for you to sign. Are you kidding? Our books aren't anywhere near being in

order. And they're not going to be in order either because we don't intend to

pay any income tax this year. Oh, well, then you'll go to jail.

One guitar, six dollars.

Appreciate it.

Now, look, you've got to put your mind on the job we've got to do here. We've

got about 30 hours to get the inventory done. You've got to get your profit and

loss put down and your final balance sheet worked out. Then I'll put it all

the income tax form, bringing them for you to sign.

Hey, Pop, listen to this.

It says tomorrow at... What is it?

Never mind, Pop. It's not important. It was a mistake. Listen, let's just get

the tax form... Tomorrow at where?

Get your clipboard, Pop.

Tomorrow at who?

One o 'clock at $16. Give me that.

I look at it myself.

Tomorrow at noon at NBC at Studio 3,

Redd Foxx will appear in person to kick off the first annual Redd Foxx look

-alike contest to promote his new movie, Wonders are a Pain of the Glass.

Red Fox gonna be in person? Yeah, Red Fox, my idol.

I love him.

I love it. I love the way he spells his name with two Ds and two Xs. I wonder

why he does that.

I don't know why he uses two Ds, but I saw his nightclub act once, and I know

why they got all them Xs.

Say, Fred, did you ever meet him in person?

No, but I always wanted to.

I heard he was so sharp and debonair and charming.

you to enter the look -alike contest.

Are you kidding?

I mean, I happen to be the spitting image of it.

I've often been stopped on the street by people who thought I was him till they

saw I was me.

Let's just get to work, okay?

Oh, wait a minute, son. Now, listen. Listen to this.

The winner of the Red Fox look -alike contest will get two free tickets to his

movie, plus a free weekend in Las Vegas as a guest of Red Fox, plus $100.

Cash.

I'm going down there. Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, yes, I am. Oh, no, you're not. You got work. Pop, you got work to do around

here. We got to get this income tax filled out and in the mail by tomorrow,

you're going to get one free ticket to Lompoc Prison, guest of the ward, and a

thousand rocks in the color of your choice.

I'm going to the contest, son. I work all night tonight, but I'm going to

this contest and meet Red Fox. Now, let's get to it. Well, wait a minute,

got a million questions to ask you you come around tomorrow yeah but we gotta

take me to the contest and then you can ask me all the questions you want yeah

but yeah all right well the time of a lifetime son the thrill of victory

red fox red fox meeting me fred g stanford the g stanford gonna win that

and gonna give the government their geeks

Next year, we're going to do this differently.

Hey, look at it. It's almost dawn.

I don't know how you're still standing up, Pop.

What was that?

Oh, one hubcap.

Appreciate it, too.

If we want seven, we'll take five.

If anybody want to give us three.

Come on, Pop. Let's go to bed, man. We've been up all night.

Huh? What, son?

Let's go to bed, man. We've been up all night. I can't go to bed, son. Marvin's

coming over here. Take me to NBC.

We got to have everything ready.

If you don't get some sleep, you're going to collapse. No, I'm not. No, I'm

I'm wide awake.

Oh, son.

Let's get as much of this done as we can.

Now look at this chair.

It must be worth something.

Look how comfortable it looks.

Look how comfortable it is.

Watch me go to sleep.

Now, look, Fred, you can't list Bubba as a dependent.

Why not? He depends on me for six free meals a week. Put him down. I will not

put him down. He cannot be a dependent.

Well, then, put him down as a charity. No.

A loss.

No.

All right, then, make it a mess. Medical expense?

Yeah, pain in the butt.

Are you here for the Red Fox look -alike contest?

Oh, you noticed the resemblance immediately.

I was talking to him.

Him? You don't look like Red Fox. I'm the one who looks like Red Fox. Look at

that. Take a good look.

I look like Red Fox?

I don't know. I've never seen Mr. Fox thickly.

How would you like me to get a mirror so you can see yourself ugly?

How would you like to take a seat, big mouth?

How would you like to take a walk, big...

You remember ever taking any trips for business purposes?

Wait a second, Marvin.

Say, listen, are you here for a little -like contest?

I certainly am.

Are you here for the right box? This is the red one, not the silver one.

I can see that you're the same color as Mr. Fox, but you don't look like his

class at all. You see, there's a lot more to looks.

than meets the eye.

A lot more than a fist that can meet your eye.

All right.

Attention, please. Attention.

Sir, would you please sit down?

You heard everybody. Sit down.

You're the only one that's standing.

I thought they'd listen.

Now I can sit down.

went out to dinner entertaining for business purposes yeah i entertain every

customer that came in my shop you do sure how when they ask for the price and

tell them they must not laugh and now here is your panel of judges first

of all let's meet and greet mr fox's personal manager mr harold harrison

Look here, this is Red Fox's famous sit -down.

And now, Mr.

And now, Mr.

Fox's personal secretary, the adorable Miss Doris Martin.

Not least, that wonderful star of nightclubs, the star of that brilliant

A Window is a Pain of the Glass, the incomparable Mr.

Red Button.

Hello, hello, hello.

I'd like to say it's very nice of you to come down, and I'm very flattered.

Who are you trying to kid?

Who are you trying to kid? Look at me.

Hey, listen, that ain't none of him. Who are they trying to kid?

I wish you would.

Hey, how did you do, Pop?

Oh, it was great, son.

I met Red Fox and I made the finals.

Finals? What are you talking about finals? I thought there was just one

and that was it. It is, son, but there's finals in the contest. See, a contest

is not just a test.

It's a contest.

See, and part of the con is the quarterfinals, the semifinals, and the

You see, son, one of those contests is...

terms of time? Means he's got to go back at 8 o 'clock tonight and read a scene

from the movie and be judged for the prize.

8 o 'clock? Are you kidding?

There's no way he's going to be able to do that. We still haven't finished the

income tax thing. He's going to kill himself.

He's going.

Oh, he's going to get the big one. He'll have a small heart attack when he finds

out the IRS thing isn't filled up. And when he doesn't win the contest, he'll

have the big one. If not that, he'll die from exhaustion.

Well, anyhow, I got to go. It's no business of mine. But look, I'll see you

later. Oh, incidentally, here's the scene for him to memorize.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Come in.

Come in.

Nobody's coming in. That's Marvin leaving.

Well, stop him, son.

You got the scene I got to read tonight at the contest. No, he doesn't.

Don't tell me he doesn't. I mean, you stop arguing with me and talking back to

me. I'm tired of that stuff. Give me some respect.

If he wasn't 37 years old, I'd take my belt off and teach you a lesson.

You don't have the belt. Why don't you use this?

What is it?

Your scene for the contest.

Oh, I'm sorry, son.

It's all right, Pop.

It wasn't me talking. I was just groggy.

I'm going outside.

I'm just a little groggy.

Look, I want to help out. Is everything marked?

Yeah, underneath.

Underneath. Okay.

What time is it?

Seven. Seven?

I got to get going.

Don't I got to get going, me.

You got to get going right here. Now, this has got to be finished, Pop, and

filled out and in the mail by midnight.

But, son, I could win.

Pop, you can't win.

You don't look like Red Fox.

You don't sound like Red Fox, and you certainly don't act like Red Fox.

I wish you could act like Fred Sanford and do your own work.

Please. I mean, it could be a great chance for me to do more.

Pop, would you stop it? Would you just stop it? Now, I always give in to you. I

always let you have your way. Right or wrong, I give in to you. But I'm not

going to do it this time.

And don't look at me with those cow eyes.

I'm right and you're wrong and you know it. Now let's just finish this tax,

okay? Listen, I'll help out with the stuff in the yard.

Thanks a lot, Marvin.

Okay, now let's go, Pop.

One old stove.

One old stove.

Just like me.

One old stove, useless.

No gas left.

Stuck out here in this junkyard for the rest of my life.

Bought for how much?

Pop, you didn't have a chance anyway, man. Who were you going to read the

with? You're not an actor.

Well, you could have helped me with it.

Bought it how much?

Pop, we got to finish this income tax.

Well, but it was a day late.

It would just be a fine. And if I won the contest, I have the money to pay the

fine.

Bought it how much?

All right, let's learn it.

We can get this. This is easy.

We can get it, son. Yeah.

All the farmers here, dear?

Yes, they are, Mr.

Fox. Please, please. Now, you've been with me for ten years now. It's not Mr.

Fox. It's Red.

Red. You got it, Doris?

That's Miss Martin Red.

Got it.

Uh, are they all here?

All but Fred Sanford.

He called in and said that he would be a little late. Oh, that's the old

gentleman I met this afternoon, isn't it? That's right, Mr. Fox.

Poor man. Worst set of legs I've ever seen. Sad case.

All right.

Now, the first finalist, Mr.

Rob Baxter.

Let's take a look at him.

How are you, Harry?

How do you feel, Charlie? How are you doing?

Oh, I'm just fine.

Say, have you heard me?

There he is, son.

Red Fox.

There he is.

Hey, Pop, you were right, man. He looks wealthy and healthy and young and

everything. Didn't I tell you I was his look -alike?

Yeah, you said that.

Hey, listen to those guys.

We better than them, aren't we?

I don't know, Pop, but we're going to find out soon enough.

Very nice. Thank you. Is that it?

No, Mr.

Sanford is here.

All right.

Let's be the old gentlemen.

Let's get this over with. I got to get to Vegas.

Mr. San... Sanford, you're next.

Well, I'm ready to be wrapped up and taken.

Be honest, be honest, Mr. Fox.

Don't I look like you? Oh, we do.

You and I.

All right, all right, then. Don't be honest.

Yes, you do. You do.

Who's going to assist you with your scene, Mr. Sanford?

My son, Lamont.

Oh, very well. Are you ready, Mr. Fox?

I'm ready.

As soon as your scene is completed...

Mr. Fox, his manager, and I will select the winner of the Red Fox look -alike

contest. Are you ready?

Certainly. Start, son.

Proceed. You sure you're not too tired?

Start, son.

Okay. I want to be fair and only up and up with you, and I feel that it's only

fit and proper that I tell you that I've had some previous acting experience.

I'm not exactly an amateur, you know. Well, how very nice of you to tell us.

And the next time you want to tell us something, wait until someone asks you.

Shall we begin?

Begin. Thank you very much.

You get ready, son.

All right.

Hello, son.

It's good to see you again after all these years.

Thanks, Dad.

It's been a terribly long, long separation.

I know, but these are the times.

I understand.

Dad? Huh?

Why did you run away from home?

Well, son, I wanted more than just to be a father and a

husband and stuff.

See, I wanted to do my own thing.

And did you?

Certainly.

And what was your own thing, father?

Awnings. Awnings?

Awnings.

like to make awnings.

Why? I like to hang them.

Why? I like to hang them over the window at the YWCA.

The YWCA?

That's for women.

And you still ask him why?

Oh, Father, I am ashamed of you.

Of what you are.

You had a chance to become anything that you wanted to, and you threw it away.

And just look at you now.

Look at you. I am ashamed of you.

You turn out to be nothing.

What have I done?

What have you done?

Nothing. All you've done is simplify things for me. Take a look at your

and Mr.

Fox. Why, no two people in this room could look more alike.

is asleep, his manager and I act as sole judges and have no trouble awarding

your father the winner of the Red Fox Look -A -Like Contest.

Hey, Pop, wake up!

I thought you won!

You won the Look -A -Like Contest! I won the contest.

Well, here you go, Marvin.

This should do it.

All right, I'll add it all up. You think we're going to make the deadline? Well,

I sure hope so.

Let me look at the last page of this inventory.

Let's see, you got the bathtub and the old stove.

Wait a minute, hold it.

What? Well, there's one thing missing here.

What are you talking about? Well, that old thing that's out in the yard, you

know, with the decayed front, the broken back, and the cracked face.

Sound open to doing this, John? Yes, Dan.

Well, where is he?

Who?

Marvin, and that's who.

We've been working around the clock.

You'd think he'd have those tax forms finished by now.

Pop, he said he'd be finished by midnight. Now, just be a little patient.

All right, then where is he?

Who?

Who? Marvin!

Pop.

There. There he is now.

Who?

Marvin.

Come in.

Blimey, all done.

Okay, fellas, sign right here on the dotted line.

What's the magic number?

One hundred dollars.

Refund? Tax.

I don't get... You pay.

Well, I don't get a hundred dollars. Well, that's not the question.

Well, what's the question?

Where are you going to get a hundred and twenty dollars? Don't forget, twenty

dollars is my fee.

Hey, Pop, you got the hundred dollars from the Red Fox look -alike contest.

That'll cover our tax.

Well, that's all. It has to be covered because...

I'm not paying Marvin.

He's a fraud and a failure.

If he was a good accountant, he would have got us a refund.

Sorry, Marvin, but that's the way it goes.

Well, I tell you, Fred, if you don't want to pay me, I'll just sue you and

send you to jail.

I tell you, if you haven't got the 20, I'll take 10 on account.

Will you take five across the lips?

Stop that.

We'll pay you, Marvin. Don't worry. Okay, thanks.

All right, Marvin. But listen, Marvin.

Next year, get us a tax shelter.

Tax shelter?

You can't use this place as a tax shelter. Why?

Because it's an animal shelter.