Original subtitles

Hey, Pop, look at this, man. This looks like the perfect campsite. Isn't it

beautiful?

Yeah. It's really a nice spot you picked here.

Now, here's your ducky. Bye.

Hey, wait a minute, Pop. Now, come on, man. We both agreed that we were going

stay here for the weekend in the mountains, just like we planned. Now,

the camp up, all right?

You're a lucky man.

Here, take it easy.

Here we go.

Okay, welcome to Camp Freddy.

All those going home in a red truck, fall in.

Come on, Pop.

Now you've got to get in the spirit, man.

Now just take a look around at you. Look at those towering mountains.

Look at those swaying trees.

It is babbling sun.

Pop, you've got to try and appreciate nature a little bit like Joyce Kilmer.

Who is she?

She was a he.

Joyce was a he? Yeah.

He wrote trees.

Did he write back?

No, no, Pops, you don't understand. He wrote the poem Trees. You remember?

I think I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry

is pressed against the earth's sweet flowing breath.

Sound like Joyce might have been a little... Yeah, and then there was

Pop. Who?

Yeah, the writer Thoreau. See, he left his mark on the world.

Oh, yeah, the mark of Thoreau.

Zip, zip, zip.

No, no, no, no.

See, here he did the Thoreau.

He lived in solitude for seven years, and he wrote a poem about Walden Pond.

Big deal.

My cousin Ernie lived in solitude for seven years, and he wrote a poem about

Quentin.

Come on, Pop. Stop being so negative, man. We left home. We both agreed that

we... We didn't agree on nothing.

That was you. You insisted that we get away so we have a chance to talk

like father and son before you got married.

That's right.

Okay. Here's some father and son talk.

Okay.

Get your father out of these woods.

Pop, come on now. The least you can do is help me unload the stuff from the

truck. If that's the least I can do, I'll do it.

What's a campsite here? You even got a fireplace.

I don't really care about it. Here, here's your sleeping bag.

Where's the box string and the mattress?

No, Pop, listen. You're going to love sleeping on the ground in this sleeping

bag, close to nature.

Speaking of nature, where's the outhouse?

Anywhere you want it to be.

I want it to be in the bathroom.

No, see, you don't understand. You're in the woods now, Pop. And you gotta live

like animals.

See, animals don't use bathrooms.

Well, I do.

I'm not forest broken.

Hey, wait a minute.

Who put this in here?

I put it in there. Give it here.

For what?

This is my snake bite kitten.

See, if a snake bites... me this weekend, I'm gonna lay this upside your

copperhead and rattle it.

Can't live in no tent. I can't sleep in it. I gotta have something more

comfortable and roomy.

Pop, the thrill of camping is learning to overcome Mother Nature's little

challenges. Now look, you read me the instructions and I'll set up the tent.

Okay. You're gonna love it, Pop.

I know it.

I'm beginning to love it now.

Keep this tent.

Away from the heat, animals, and the big dummy of the forest.

Pop, just read what the instructions say, please. Okay, okay.

If you follow these instructions carefully, even a small child can

tent.

Step one, drive to watch and get a small child.

I'll see you.

Come on, man.

There. You see, Pop?

Hard work is paid off. The tent looks terrific.

You know, son, it doesn't look too bad. No.

I told you, Pop. Now, once we get everything set up, we're going to have a

out here camping.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go inside and check it out.

Yeah, son. You go in there, and I'll come in later. Hey, Pop, you know, it's

really great in here.

Is it warm?

Would you get in here?

Well, okay. I'll try to look at it. Now, look at this. Wait a minute.

Hey, this is really nice. Isn't this nice? It's great. It's really great.

going to have some fun in here.

I'll take care of that. I'll see you later, Pop. Where are you going?

I'm going out to get some firewood for the fire. No, son, wait a minute. Don't

leave me out here in this barren wilderness.

Now, just relax, Pop.

I'll be right back. Now, just enjoy the peacefulness and the quietness and the

solitude of the forest.

I'll be right back.

Don't worry about a thing.

I whip a hundred Godzillas.

I'm sorry, Papa. I

didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to help me with the firewood. You

didn't scare me, son.

Let me loosen my belt. For what?

I think my heart dropped in my drawers.

Relax. Pop, you're safe here with me. Now, give me a mat so I can start the

fire. You don't need no mat to start no fire.

All you have to do is rub two pieces of wood together.

Now, go over there and rub your head upside the tree.

I said I was sorry. Now, I just wanted you to come camping with me, Pop, so we

could be alone.

I mean, who knows? Once I get married and have a family and got all the

responsibility of a family, we might not be able to spend any time like this

alone. Promise?

Why do we have to argue all the time, Pop? We don't argue all the time. Only

when we're together.

Why can't we talk like normal fathers and sons? Well, you start.

No, you start.

You start.

Why don't we talk about the first time I went camping?

Oh, yeah.

I never get that night.

I was afraid you'd be scared out there, sleeping in the backyard all by

yourself. Yeah, I told you I wasn't going to be scared.

They woke up the whole neighborhood screaming.

I'm afraid to sleep by myself.

I'm afraid to sleep by myself.

I'm afraid to sleep by myself.

Yeah, and I had to come in the house and calm you down.

You always was a good son. Yeah.

You see, Pop, that's what I miss. We haven't talked about things like this in

long time.

Yeah, this is kind of nice.

Peaceful. Sort of relaxing.

It's...

Look, Pop, if you want to go home, it's okay. I should have known better than to

think that we could come out here and spend a peaceful weekend together.

Yeah, and start the truck and put this stuff on him. You know, I couldn't wait

to get out here in the woods, and now I can't wait to get home. And I want to go

home and get my nice long bed, too.

I got good news and I got bad news.

First, the bad news.

The truck won't start.

Well, what's the good news?

We'll always know where it is.

Son, if the truck won't start, then call the auto club.

Are you kidding me, Pop? We're 50 miles from the nearest telephone.

Well, don't use the nearest telephone.

Get one closer.

You don't even need a telephone.

Would you stop it? We got food for a couple of days. There's plenty of water

the brook. It could be a lot worse, you know.

Worse? That's right. Look, we ain't got no truck. We fighting this cold weather.

There's hardly any food at all now. What could be worse?

Well, it could snow.

Uh -uh.

Impossible.

Not even a nibble.

Yeah, you probably scared them all away, dressed like that.

You said there'd be somebody here to help us. And that was two days ago.

Yeah, I know, Pop.

And we out of food.

Well, if we had rationed off those hot dogs like we were supposed to, we'd

have some food left.

Maybe some bear ate them.

Yeah, sure, some bear ate them. If a bear ate them, there wouldn't have been

knife in the mustard jar.

Well, son...

You know I can't miss my midnight snack.

Now, what are we going to do?

Well, I guess we'll have to eat plants.

Good, good.

We'll eat plants.

Are you crazy?

No, Pop. It says in the campus manual that plants provide a natural source of

food. I tell you, man, I'm starving. I'm going to try it.

Try one of these boys.

That's not bad.

What is your campus manual?

Say about dying.

And listen, I saw a movie once where two guys had a chance to escape from Iwo

Jima.

And one of them was a young guy, and he was strong.

Another guy was old and weak. The old man turned to the young man. He said,

listen, I know I'm slowing you down. And I know you could make it if I wasn't

slowing you down.

So just leave me with the rifle and one bullet.

And when the Japanese were only about 100 yards away,

The young guy gave the old man the rifle and one bullet and ran.

And son, I'm going to tell you, the young fella hadn't gotten no more than

20 yards away when he heard the rifle shoot.

The old man killed himself?

No. He shot the young man in the behind.

Who's going to make it out of here, huh?

Listen, I know what.

While we're waiting, why don't we, uh...

Play a little cards. That might, you know, take our mind off the situation.

How about some gin?

You brought some along?

Oh, gin, yeah.

Hey, we'll play for $10 a point.

$10 a point?

One of us should die rich.

Would you stop talking like that?

You know, son, while you were gone fishing, I got to thinking about all the

things we've never said to each other.

If I die without talking to you, I'll feel awful.

Listen, Pop, we're going to make it out of here. No, we're going to die.

Without even knowing each other, because we don't talk.

We talk.

We talked a couple of weeks ago. You gave me some advice on how to propose to

Janet, remember?

Don't talk about that now.

You know, you were real cute in what you said, Pop. And what you said made a lot

of sense.

I always make a lot of sense.

Yeah. I can see it now. We were sitting at the dinner table.

Now, son.

Tonight's the big night, ain't it? I bet you're really excited.

I'm excited and I'm nervous, Pop.

See, we're going to go back to Janet's apartment and I'm going to pop the big

question. If she accepts, I'm going to buy the ring tomorrow.

Do you know what you're going to say? Well, not exactly, but I know I'm not

going to get down on one knee because I don't like that corny stuff.

Well, when you get back here tonight, I got a big surprise for you. A surprise?

Yeah, and I can hardly wait.

Now, you listen.

Can I give you a little bit of advice?

No. Good.

Now, when you ask her, be tough.

Be firm.

Let her know who's the boss right away. Say, look, baby, you and I are getting

engaged, and that's the way it is, and I'm going to be that way all the time.

Is that what you told Mom?

No, that's what your mom told me.

That was something.

Yeah. And I'm about the time I taught you how to drive a car. Yeah.

Even after the second accident I had, you made me get right back in the car

drive it until I did it right.

Yeah. And when you did do it right, You'd driven through the front wall of

house four times.

You remember how we laughed?

Yeah.

It was Bubba's car and Esther's house.

Well, I'll tell you something, Pop. There was something even weirder than

Bubba's car and Esther's house.

What was that?

The time you brought that thing into the house.

Oh, yeah.

I'm trying to get a little surprise for you. I don't want no surprises, Pop. I'm

starving. I've been working all day. I want food.

Pop,

what's that horse doing in the kitchen?

that I know. You saw him last.

You know, we should have had some crazy dumb ties together, Pop.

Yeah, that's right. They weren't all my fault.

Oh, I suppose some of them were mine.

No, some of them were nobody's fault.

I mean, you remember that time?

What's the matter, Pop?

I had a break -in. Nobody broke in here.

Well, what is this, a self -inflicted wound?

There was a small earthquake last night and a few things got, you know, shook

around. I must have slept right through it.

Thank goodness it was just an earthquake.

What do you mean, just an earthquake?

Well, just an earthquake.

This place is solid as a rock. A fortress.

Like they say, in time, the rockies make tumble.

Gibraltar might crumble.

They only made of clay.

But my junk is here.

It's all over, Pop. How do you feel? Fine, thank you. How are you?

You know, Pop, I guess the times we remember most are the times we spent

together. You're right, son.

Yeah. Gin! I got you.

Hey, wait a minute. You're only supposed to have ten cards. You got over thirty.

I got three gins, but I'm only counting one.

Pop, did I ever tell you the great job that you did in bringing me up by

yourself?

Thanks, son. You did a great job, too. At what?

Getting me lost up in the Arctic.

Now get me out of here.

Come on, Pop. Don't give up.

I'm not going to give up, son. You know, if we do die out here, they might write

a song about us like David Crockett.

Freddy, Freddy Sanford.

Father of this dummy here.

Hey, you know what? Hey, wait a minute. I got an idea.

What are you doing, Pop?

You know, Robinson Crusoe, he wrote a note for help.

And then, oh, here's that bottle I had.

And he put a note in the bottle and threw it in the ocean.

And help came.

What are you, some kind of a nut?

The ocean is 50 miles away from here.

Might be a high tide tonight.

What's that? I don't know.

It works, son.

We've been saved.

Are you Lewis and Clark?

Huh? Oh, this is Red Cross.

I mean, are you part of the party that's looking for us?

I'm Ms. Barnes, leader of Girl Scout Troop number 104.

Girls, this way!

Girl Scout?

You mean you're not part of the team looking for us?

I don't know what you gentlemen are talking about.

My girls and I...

our nature hike.

And we accidentally came across your camp.

I'm sorry if we disturbed you. Oh, no, listen, you didn't disturb us. You saved

us. That's right. See, our truck won't start. And we're out in the middle of

this wilderness and nothing in that old measly tent there. We got no food and

we're fighting this cold weather with all the strength that's left in us. You

got any cookies?

Any Girl Scout can tell you the thrill...

is learning to overcome the challenges of Mother Nature.

Mind if I take a look at your truck?

Don't even bother. It's not going to do any good. I checked it out, and there's

nothing to be done for that truck.

That's right. We don't need no help. I mean, remember, son, man is the king of

the jungle. That's what I always thought. We can handle it.

Well, if you can handle it, why don't you take a walk to the other side of the

hill? The other side of the hill? That's right.

Just about a quarter mile that way is a small town with telephone... a gas

station, and a lodge.

But his map... Got your truck started.

Didn't really seem to have anything wrong with it. Maybe your carburetor was

flooded.

Yeah,

I knew that all the time.

I just didn't have the right tools.

Well, gentlemen, it looks like the Girl Scouts have saved the day once again.

we could help the kings of the jungle.

Why don't you go take a hike?

Girls, head them up.

Move them out.

See that? The town over here. We starved for nothing.

Well, maybe it wasn't for nothing, Pop.

Think of all the things that we talked about, man, the closeness that we

achieved. Now, come on, Pop, be honest.

Wasn't it worth it?

You knew where we were all the time, didn't you?

Be honest. Yeah, I knew where we were, but I didn't want to tell you because I

wanted to spend some time with you all alone, Pop.

I thought so.

I thought you knew all along. I knew you knew from the beginning.

Well, and if you knew, why did you complain about starving to death?

Well, that's my nature.

I mean, I was never really starving.

You want a super burger?

did you get that?

Last night, while you was sleeping, I sneaked into town and got it at the

shop.

And they forgot to put ketchup on it.

Oh, that's okay.

Take mine.

I don't like ketchup.

Get in the truck.

I love you too, Pop. Help me load the

truck and then we'll go home.

Well, listen, son, wait a minute.

Huh? Load me a dime.

For what?

I got to use the forest.

I'll be right back.

Oh, wonderful.

Ah, beautiful.

Ooh, how lovely.

What are you doing over there?

What are you trying to do over there? What are you going to do, wake up the

forest? You want to disturb the squirrels?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about communing more with nature.

Communicating more with my son and looking more into the backyard of

the Idlewild nudist colony.