Original subtitles

Are you coming, Fred?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Go ahead and deal him.

Well, I'm through with the digging.

Yeah, that looks good. That's what I like. You ready to play?

Yeah. What are we playing for?

How about a quarter of a point?

Oh, let's go all the way.

Let's bet 50 for any point.

Well, if you want to go all the way, let's play for a dollar point.

Well, if we're going that far, let's play one hand for five dollars a point.

Well, since we're only going to play one hand... Let's go all the way and back

again for $10 a point.

You got it.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Sit down.

Yeah, thanks for inviting me to have a seat in my own house.

Yes.

Why'd you do that?

I don't know. I just did it.

I mean, what difference does it make?

You don't know what the cards were, and I don't know what the cards were.

So, what difference does it make?

You didn't trust me.

My best friend didn't trust me. Now, wait a minute, Bubba. I mean, that's

to act like that. Yeah, you're right.

Why'd you do that?

No reason. What's in the seat?

Your brains.

You said no to me a minute ago.

What's the difference, Fred?

You didn't know what the cards were, and I didn't know, so what's the

difference?

Bubba. What, Fred?

I want to apologize.

For what?

I want to apologize to you because I called for many kids and said, go ahead

deal them. I should have showed you that I trusted you, and the cards belonged

where they were.

That's right.

What's the matter, brother? You look sick.

Uh, no.

Something's funny.

Contra cards.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I got ten, too.

Tie game.

Well, I gotta go anyway.

Good.

Where you going?

I got a date with a showgirl.

What show is she in? She's not in a show.

She's a showgirl. She shows.

Well, go ahead then. Go.

Why are you so mad anyway?

Because you gotta go, and Grady can't come over, and it's the third weekend

Lamar's been away.

Yeah? Where'd he go?

He went to Las Vegas on that gypsy vacation.

That's nice.

No, it's not nice either.

It's terrible sitting here on the weekend all lonesome and lonely.

Well, look, Fred, why don't you call up Donna and ask her to come over?

Because she knows Lamont's going away for the weekend, and she's going to dare

come over here and be alone with me.

Oh, Fred, you disappoint me.

What are you talking about?

Well, Donna's a nurse.

So? If you were really sick, she could hardly turn you down.

Well, I'm not sick, Bubba. I'm fine.

I mean, I'm... Feel good. I'm in shit shape.

I mean, I'm tip -top. I mean, nothing wrong.

Inspecting my mother. She called from the hospital and said she was on her way

over here.

Is she still working?

Yes, just a couple of hours a week.

Private nursing.

Looks like you're going to have dinner with her.

That's right.

Oh, then in that case, I don't have much time, then, do I?

What is it, Mel?

Well, let's see. Just exactly how do I say this?

Well, first... Hold this for me a moment, will you, please?

Now, I... Go ahead. Open the box, please.

Let's see now.

What is the best way to say this?

Mel, there's a diamond ring in here. That's right.

I want you to put that on your finger and say you'll marry me.

Oh, Mel.

Oh, Mel is close, but yes, Mel is even better.

Mel, I can't say yes yet.

Is there somebody else?

Mel, I honestly don't know.

all right.

Really, it is.

Look, I know you've been seeing Fred Sanford, and he's enough to confuse

anybody.

You always have him on your mind, Donna, and that's why I decided to propose.

I want you, and I'm asking you to decide now.

Can you give me till tomorrow morning?

Tomorrow morning? Yes.

All right.

Then.

Oh, Mel!

You forgot your ring. No, no, no.

You keep it overnight.

Get accustomed to it.

I love you, Donna.

Hurry up, Fred. I got to go.

I'll be right down there. I want your opinion on something.

Well, come on, then.

Do I look sick enough?

You always look sick enough.

Is that what you want me here for?

No, I want you to tell me which voice I should use. Listen.

Donald, can you come right over here?

I think this is it.

Not bad.

See you later, friend.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where are you going?

Seems like you'd be anxious to stay here and help.

Seems like you're going to be here with me.

Seems like... You wait till I answer the phone.

Just me and her.

the sound of love on yon doormat.

Well, he ain't here.

He's up there in Las Vegas playing that dice game that they named after your

face.

is prepared.

Oh, was that for you and me, Fred, or was that for you and Esther before I

called? No, honey, that was for you and I, because Esther already ate.

How do you know? Because feeding time at the zoo is at two.

Esther, do you mind leaving Fred and me alone?

Yeah, yeah, listen to what she tell you. Be gone, witch.

Well, get on on down these and dig it.

You dig it?

You old heathen.

I'm leaving, but not because you asked me.

I'm leaving because I refuse to remain in the same house with a heathen and a

sheathen.

We are just like he wanted us, alone, just the six of us, me and you and our

four lips.

Fred, Fred, I want to talk to you.

Well, let me give you something to talk about.

Fred, I have something pressing to discuss.

Pressing is what I'm talking about.

Fred, please.

I aim to.

I intend to talk about marriage.

Where is it?

I think I'm going deaf.

Fred, I'm delirious.

You delirious? You can say that again.

Fred, do you ever intend to marry me?

Pretend to carry me.

Intend to marry me?

Defend two parakeets.

Oh, all right.

If you want to be foolish, be foolish.

No, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute, darling.

You can talk. I'll listen. I promise.

I promise.

I promise. But first, just a little kiss.

And then a little dinner and a little wine and a little kiss.

And then a little dinner and another kiss. And then Monday, I'll listen to

anything you want to talk about.

But we'll start it with a kiss.

Goodbye.

Donna, I'll listen to you.

I'll listen to you. Come on, sit down.

Well, he asked me to marry him.

Huh?

I'd like to be there to see his face when you told him to go jump in the

I didn't tell him to go jump in the lake.

Dive in the pool?

No.

Is the hospital my... No.

You didn't say yes.

I didn't say no.

But you didn't say yes.

I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no either. I told him I would let him know

tomorrow. Oh, well, you shouldn't string the man along.

You're too nice, Ben. Why don't you call him on the phone and tell him your

answer is no?

I'll call him for you. I know that.

Fred, I didn't decide no.

I talked it over with my mother.

And, uh, well, if you never intend to marry me, I have to think about my

My answer to Mel depends on your answer to me.

you intend to marry me?

Uh, but Donna... Fred, a simple yes or no?

Donna, that's the hardest thing in the world is a simple yes or no.

I'll make it simpler for you then.

How about a simple yes?

Well, uh... All right.

How about a simple no?

Uh, you're getting warmer.

I see.

Well, wait a minute, Donna. Wait a minute.

Does that mean you are asking me to marry you?

No, it don't mean I'm trying to ask you to marry me.

I understand, Fred.

Goodbye,

dear.

Donna, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, Donna.

Donna, wait a minute. Let me talk to you.

I'm going to lose her.

Remember this picture of us in Elizabeth?

We took it at the Carmel in St. Louis on Grand Leclerc.

We got behind some headless gorillas, remember?

And we stuck our head in there, and he took the picture.

And he showed Esther the picture.

And she said, girl, how'd you get up enough nerve to pose next to a whole

gorilla?

She was funny that day.

She was even funnier than she was running down the block with my shoes

her dress.

Yeah, we sure had some good times, Elizabeth.

Sure had some good, used to always say.

Life is so short.

Just go and enjoy it.

I knew you meant you wanted us to enjoy it together, but all of a sudden, you

were gone.

And gosh, you're pretty here, honey.

Remember how you used to always get mad when I'd sing in your ear when I was

dancing with you?

And you'd always say, you know what was worse, my singing or my mustache?

But you did like one song, and I used to sing it every time I looked at you.

So worth the yearning for.

So swell to keep every home fire.

Burning for.

We'd be so grand at the game.

So carefree together.

It does seem a shame.

I'm just loathe of Elizabeth.

Loathe of her.

And I met this girl and I like her.

If I'm going to be happy, I'm going to have to ask her to marry me.

She won't be like taking your place, honey. She'll be more like taking your

space.

You don't mind, do you? Is it all right?

Huh?

I thought you'd feel about it like that.

To you, honey.

To you.

Because you're so sweet.

To love.

It's me. I know you're up there. Come on down.

I'm going to give you the 10.

Yes, I'm coming up there and get you.

One, two, three.

All right, Donna, come on now.

I'm going to count up to 20.

One, two.

You could count to 100 if you knew how.

Wouldn't do you any good.

She's not home.

Well, where is she? I don't know.

And if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

Why do you talk to me like that?

I like you.

Since when?

Since I found it was Be Kind to Buzzard Week.

You're the lowest, Fred Sanford.

You're lower than a man. You're not a man.

You're a weasel, a snake. If I was a snake and a weasel, then you're a

woman, my dear.

Yeah, who could argue with you as bright and lovely as you are?

That's very nice, Fred.

Uh -huh.

Don't be taken in by him, Donna. He's up to no good. Mother.

Donna, I have something to tell you. I mean, I have something to say to you.

Something I want to ask you. If you would just ask your darling mother to

us alone for a few minutes.

All right, Fred.

Please, Mother.

But, honey... Mother, please.

All right.

But you watch him every minute.

I see liar written all over him.

No, you don't. I got Mother tattooed over my stomach.

Hey, Dot, I want to ask you, where were you?

I mean, how did I get here before you did?

I had a stop to make.

Oh? What is it, Fred?

I don't want to get into your personal life or nothing like that, you know, but

I just was concerned about you.

Oh, Fred, that's very nice.

Oh, I can tell you where I was.

I was over at Mel's.

And you told him about your visit with me?

Yes. And I told him you said no. Madonna.

Fred, don't be sorry about what you said.

You said the truth.

You simply told me how you felt.

Madonna, honey. But after I left you, I realized that no matter what you said,

as long as I felt about you the way that I do, no matter what you felt about me,

I shouldn't marry another man.

What?

of me to base my answer to Mel on your answer to me.

I realized that I simply don't love Mel enough to marry him. So I told him I

wouldn't marry him. You told him no?

I told him no.

Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?

Well... Well, see, I wanted to tell you that...

If you were getting married, I wanted to give you my best regards and good luck

in your marriage.

And if you were getting married tomorrow, I couldn't be there because I

this is it.

I mean, I should be home in bed.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go home and get into bed right now.

Oh, I feel so bad.

Oh, if Lamont was just home, I wouldn't be lonesome. Fred, Fred.

I'm coming to be with you.

Mother! I'm going to spend the night with Fred.

No, you're not.

Mother, he's very ill and he may need nursing care.

I'll spend the night with him.

Okay, okay.

Thank you, Mother.

You're welcome.

I'll have to give Mel his ring back.

It is beautiful, though, isn't it, Fred?

Oh, it's all right.

But when I make up my mind to marry you, I'm going to give you a ring.

Oh, Fred, when is that going to be?

I'll give you a ring.

Come back here.