All language subtitles for Sanford & Son s05e04 Bank on This

Look at the confidence.

Remember, the only way we're going to
get this money here is for us to look

we don't need it. Pop, as soon as they
find out we're the same Sanford and Son

from Sanford and Son, they're going to
know we need it.

I mean, we're not exactly the number one
business in Los Angeles, you know.

Hey, how are you, friend?

Hey, fine. Harvey, how's our dinner?

You know my son Lamont? Sure, Lamont.
How you doing, Harvey? Look, we'd like

talk to you, but we got an appointment
with Mr. Phillips and we're a little

late. Yeah, that's right. See, we're
going to see him regarding a

merger and some deficit financing and
corporate restructure.

Uh, broke again, huh, Fred?

Now, wait a second. Yeah, you got it,
Harvey.

Do I look broke?

You look like my brother Al.

Your brother Al's dead.

And that looks like the suit he was
buried in.

Come on, Pop. Let's go. It's nice seeing
you, Harvey.

Yeah, right, son.

Hey, listen here, Harvey.

You stick around. See, when we come back
out here, we're going to need somebody

to protect us with all this money we're
fixing to get.

Let me explain something to you, Pop.
Now, you're not going to get this $1

as fast as you think you are, you know.
Listen, as soon as Phillip hears what we

want it for, he'll be glad to give it
up. Yeah, and then maybe you can give

suit up.

Uh, excuse me, please.

Fred G. signs up to see Mr. Phillip. Oh,
Mr.

Stafford, please sit down.

Thank you, but I'll just sit down.

And you are Lamont Sanford?

Yes, Lamont here. He's the secretary
treasurer of our conglomerate and

of our distributing chain and vice
emperor of our empire.

Oh, it's nice to meet the both of you. I
pass your empire every day on my way to

work.

Mr. Rhodes, please hold the call.

Yeah, this is it. And hold mine, too.

Now, what can I do for you? Not a thing.
It's what we can do for you, Mr.

Magnesia.

That's Phillips.

Your business is low money, ain't it? I
mean, is it not?

Yes.

Well, I'm here to help you stay in
business.

We'll take $1 ,500, and now where do I
sign?

Well, maybe I can explain. You see,
we're thinking of an expansion program.

Yeah, it's an expansion program.

Yeah, we want to take over an existing
piece of property.

An existing property.

And develop it to its full potential.
We're full of potential.

Oh, that sounds very interesting.

We knew you'd feel that way. Where do I
sign? Oh, now, wait a minute. It's a

little more complicated than that. I'll
need a little more information.

Okay, but let's speed it up here, shall
we? I mean, you'll find that our

financial position is strong, our
physical earnings are up, and our

meter is running out.

Now, the nature of the $1 ,500 loan.

Well, see, there's a house next to us
that's just recently been vacated, and

want to take it over.

Buy it? No, no, we want to rent it. We
feel that the money that we get for the

rent would, you know, give us a nice
little income.

Oh, that sounds good.

Thank you. Where do I sign?

Now, how did you arrive at your $1 ,500
figure?

I went to Vic Tanning.

with your $15 -looking face.

Mr. Sanford, I can understand your
impatience, but I need to know why you

the $1 ,500.

Well, first we got to pay last month,
the first month's rent, and, you know,

a little plumbing, a little advertising,
and we wanted to get a sign.

Yeah, and then clean up the place,
because the previous tenant was a Puerto

Rican named Julio, and it's going to
cost us a couple hundred dollars just to

get rid of them chili stains.

to help the small businessman.

Small businessman?

Well, I'm only 5 '7". I mean, yeah.

That's my signature.

Now, you put it anywhere you want to.

Just give me my $1 ,500.

Is this to be a personal loan?

No, no, no.

This is to be made out to the empire.

Yeah, you see, our tax man thought it
would be to our advantage if we took out

business loan, you know, when it comes
time to fill out income tax.

That's what Bubba said?

What collateral do you have?

Huh?

You know, stocks, bonds, property, gold,
diamonds. Keep on going, keep on going.

We got something.

Mr. Sanford, I can't believe that you've
been in business all these years and

you have no collateral to put up.

Please believe it.

Mr. Sanford. Listen, I got a sister -in
-law named Esther. Now, you can shove

her up your vault until I can get the
money to pay you back.

I'm going to gamble with you. Let's just
fill out this form.

Thank you. Hey, you're not going to be
sorry, Mr. Phillips.

Look, excuse me for a minute. I've got
to go put the money in the parking

Okay, now, you want to come back in,
just knock on the door and the guard

let you in. Okay. Hey, Pop, you got a
nickel for the meeting?

Nickel? Say, Maggie, do you have change
for a dollar?

I think so.

Well, let my son have a nickel and make
that loan out for $1 ,505.

Hey,

Pop. Try and answer the question
straight. No fooling around. I know what

doing. Just go ahead. I know what I'm
doing.

I'm crazy.

Go ahead, man.

Age.

Upper 50s.

Exactly how upper?

57.

Teen.

67.

I'm sorry, gentlemen. We are closed.

Good. We make it a rule never to hold up
an open bank. Well, sir, you can come

back and...

The withdrawal slips are the pink ones.

You don't have to announce this. We'll
introduce ourselves.

Can I do it, Al? This is my first time,
and I want it to be special. Sure, Mel.

Go ahead. Oh, what a guy.

Hi,

everyone.

This is an armed robbery, and one of us
is a known killer.

So stick him up. Stick him up.

How was I, Al? You did good, kid. Good.

All right, everybody, on the floor. Come
on. Come on around. Listen, now,

remember, I was the first one in, so
hold out my $1 ,500.

Come on, Mr. Ambassador.

You, too, on the floor.

Listen, listen, Mr. Powell, just leave
$1 ,500 here because they got thousands

of stuff here over in the vault. Just
leave my $1 ,500.

You men don't have a chance to get out
of here with this money. We'll get out

here with all of it. Listen, you better
sit down because you're going to have to

fill out a lot of forms.

about this job. I've pushed the alarm.
The police could be here any minute.

The police don't ever get nowhere in a
minute.

Hey, Melvin, you empty out all the
drawers and you open that door.

That's impossible.

Listen, dummy, open up that.

Open up the door. Why risk your life?
Don't risk your life. Give them what

want. That's my $1 ,500.

Al, there's somebody at the door.

And if there's any trouble, we shoot.

Oh, please, let it be Esther.

What's going on here?

What you think is going on is a bank
robbery, dummy.

Bank robbers, I'm Melvin Herman, and
this is Al. Shut up!

Robinson.

Melvin Herman?

Oh, my gosh, Lamont.

Lamont Sanford.

Melvin Herman, the cheerleader from
junior high school?

I used to be a cheerleader, but now I'm
a bank robber.

Give me a B. Give me an A. Give me an A.

How much we get?

Do I have to tell you?

How much?

$106.

What? For 57 cents?

That's impossible.

No, it's not.

Look at the neighborhood.

There's also about a dozen toasters back
there. Oh, no, that's for new accounts.

Hey, listen, why don't you guys open up
a new account, take your toaster, and

get the hell on out of here?

Okay, you.

Where's the money?

Well, most of it's in the safe, and it
can't be opened until tomorrow morning.

Wait a minute. I can't stay until
tomorrow morning. I got... I got deals

make. I got mergers to complete. I got a
suit to return.

What are we going to do, Al? Quiet, I'm
thinking.

Hey, Melvin. Quiet, he's thinking.

You've got two minutes.

Hey, Melvin, there's no way you're going
to get out of this, man. Why don't you

give yourself up and it might go easy on
your court?

Lamont was always the smart one in
class.

Yeah, well, why didn't he graduate?

Keep quiet!

Listen, man, why don't you just try to
figure out...

money after they take all this stuff out
of here hey pop would you forget about

the loan we got other problems forget
about the loan son life goes on even if

they steal all the money life goes on
even if they shoot their way out of here

life goes on even if they shoot you no
then life life stays in i go

I'm giving you your final warning.

Now, this whole thing is starting to get
me a little jittery. Now, you got one

more chance to get out of here unharmed.
If you cooperate. Understand?

Cooperate. I'm cooperating. Everybody
get on the floor and I ain't gonna tell

you again.

On the floor.

We want to talk.

He wants to talk.

We've got nothing to say.

They ain't got nothing to say. Y 'all
heard him.

I'm just cooperating.

tell him what we want.

Make sure he's unarmed. And just to make
sure he's not carrying anything, have

him stripped to his shorts.

God, he'll catch his death.

You promised we weren't going to be
cruel.

You just can't get good help these days.
It's impossible.

peace talks.

Before we begin all this negotiating, I
have got to know the condition of the

people you're going to kill.

Hey, we're all fine, Hoppy. Well, I
think I would prefer a professional

opinion on that.

Mr. Sanford, how's your heart?

Well, if my heart goes, I can always
borrow one off your underwear.

Are you really a cop?

Yes, I am a cop, and I wear my uniform.

with unmitigated pride.

That is what I'm wearing.

And you, what about you? You are the
head crook, I presume. Is that correct?

Yes, you are correct.

And this is what we want.

Okay, shoot.

I mean, go ahead.

A car outside that door. A car outside
that door. All you cops gone.

Cops will be gone.

And a plane at the airport.

Plane where? At the airport.

At the airport, yes.

Plane at the airport. Now, how about the
hostages?

What about them? Well, they will have to
be released before we can acquiesce to

any of these demands.

No deal.

Well, you can't get them all in the car.

I get carsick.

Would you rather be shot?

Oh, I share the driving and chipping on
the gas.

Now, about these hostages that appear to
be doomed.

All right, well, keep one and let the
rest go.

If you need a volunteer, I'll stay. You
have got a brave son there, Mr. Sanford.

I know it, and I'm proud of him. Yeah,
thanks a lot, Pop.

I hope you realize that your chances of
survival with this mad dog killer are

quite slim.

However, you will be remembered as the
man with the big heart.

And the big mouth.

Yes. Well, I will relay all of these
requests to my superiors.

And no tricks.

Well, I... have nothing up my sleeve.

I'll just go and tell them.

Gee, Lamont, you're so strong and
heroic. I wish I got to know you better

algebra. I might be whatever you are.

Whatever are you? A junk man.

Maybe algebra isn't all that important.

Hey, look, I'm not heroic or anything. I
just don't want anybody to get hurt,

you know? You in there.

Officer Hopkins has given us your
demand.

And we agree if you let everyone out
safely.

They're on their way. Come on,
everybody, out.

My son, you're the best son a father
could hope for. But I don't want you

sacrificing your life for me. I mean,
you're young.

You're young and you got your whole life
ahead of you.

I'll be the hostage and you go.

He is going.

You were staying.

But he volunteered.

Look, I'm running this robbery.

And you see, they wouldn't take a chance
with an old man in here.

Come on, get going.

Hey, now that's good. Now everybody's
gone. Now you go in there and crack that

safe and get my $1 ,500 and y 'all keep
the rest.

What do you intend doing with me?

Oh, you coming in the car with us?

Then? Well, you'll be our protection all
the way to the airport.

And then?

Then you're going to get into playing
with us.

And then?

Then we'll throw you out.

think we scared him too much he looks
bad is he elizabeth i'm coming honey

me at the gates i'll be the one with no
money he looks ready to cash in hey you

promised me there'd be no trouble and i
promised my wife if she knew it was

going to be this awful she would have
put a kibosh on the whole thing kibosh

quiet i'm thinking oh quiet he's
thinking oh

Well, if you don't want a hole in the
head condition, you better get away from

there. Do what he says, Lamont. He's
vicious.

I've seen him eat kidneys.

Get going.

We're leaving your car.

I'm halfway there, Elizabeth.

Oh, hello, Cloud.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Hey, the old man is dying
in here.

Hey, send him some help. But no
policemen, just doctors.

Hey, I'm Freddy. You Gabriel?

Hurry up.

Trying to make a dime.

Hey, this is the doctor for the
stretcher. Come on, right this way.

We'll need some help.

You two, hands up.

Hey,

what about me?

Your son said you're okay.

He wasn't going nowhere until you got
the money from that loan, and you know

Hey, wait a minute.

Reward. Clean the reward.

Is there a reward for these dudes? No,
I'm sorry, Mr. Stanford.

There's nothing.

You know, I hate you. You know that?

But I'll take in consideration your
bravery when I process your application.

You're nice.

Ah, ah, there you are.

Safe and sound.

Yeah, it could have been dead and gone.

Oh, never fear, Mr.

Sanford. The law is here.

Oh, and by the way, Lamont, here's a
citation over time parking on the truck.

How do you like an overdue punch in your
nose?

Oh, we'll take care of that ticket, Mr.
Sanford.

Oh, yeah, you know, you turn out to be
all right. Hey, let us know about the

loan. Oh, you'll get your loan.

Really? I mean, that's great. Really,
you're going to give us a loan? You hear

that, Lamont? That means we're going to
be able to open up Sanford Arms.

Hey, that's great. That's great, Pop.
Yeah.

Bye, Lamont.

I'm sorry it turned out this way,
Melvin. Oh, that's okay.

You know, I really envy you. You have
something I never had.

A really wonderful, marvelous father.

If I'd had a father like him, I might
have turned out to be a better human

being.

It's been an honor, sir.

You know, I really liked him.

Why couldn't you be more like that,
dummy?

You say this is going to be live? That's
correct.

Good afternoon.

Don Martinson here, reporting from the
State Federal Bank in Watts.

Now, the gentleman standing next to me
is Mr. Fred Sanford.

G. G? G. Fred G. Sanford. Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Fred G. Sanford.

Mr. Sanford successfully thwarted an
attempt at bank robbing this afternoon

this very bank.

Mr. Sanford, what you did took a lot of
courage.

Courage.

Daring.

And a little chivava on the side.

And Mr. Sanford, Mr.

Sanford, excuse me, I'm sure, I'm sure
that our viewers would like to know why

you did this. I mean, why would you risk
your life for this bank?

Well, the answer to that is very simple.

See, I risked my life because this bank
is an important part of our community.

Right, Mr. Phillips? Yes, sir.

And it goes to the health of people like
me. That's right.

I see.

I'm not finished yet. This bank was good
to me. You see, I came in here for a

loan. They granted it. That's right.

I risked my life because I felt I owed
them something for loaning me $1 ,800.

That's right.

He said, that's right. You heard him,
America.

$1 ,800.

We need that $1 ,800.

No, not really.

Yeah.

Hello, America.

This is my son, Lamont.

We're the owners of the new Sanford
Arms.

Every wall has a ceiling. Every bed with
a spray.

Drop in soon.

We'll rent you a room.

Yeah, I'd just like to say that... Thank
you, sir, for that unsolicited

testimony. Excuse me, Mr.

Sanford. I find that we're running out
of time, but before we sign off, I'm

that the millions and millions of
viewers... would like very much to know,

perhaps you'd give them one
inspirational thought, since you are the

hour. How about that, Mr. Penford?

Millions of viewers. Millions. Well,
only because you insisted.

And would I be sure that love be...

Look at this check, son.

$1 ,800.

Tomorrow we'll deposit it. All right.
Hey, I still don't know why you didn't

want to put this in our account today.

Well, see, this way, it's a new account,
and we can get a toaster.

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

I'll deposit it the first thing in the
morning, and then we can start working

Julio's place.

Yeah, and then the next thing we ought
to do is give our place a little class.

Yeah, we need some class.

Yeah, see, because all them fancy
hotels, they have their own emblem.

Oh, we should have an emblem?

I can see it now.

All the seats, the pillowcases, the
tiles, the silver webs, have it on.

have beautiful emblems on them. Oh,
yeah. S .A. S .A. That's classy.

Yeah, that's classy. Say, son, drive me
down to the bus station.

The bus station? Where you going?

New Mexico.

Yeah, I feel this sudden urge to spend
some time at the Sheridan Albuquerque.