Original subtitles

Oh, Lena.

Oh, Lena.

Oh, Lena.

Oh,

Pop, wake up.

Oh, Lena, darling.

Oh, Lena.

Pop, wake up.

Lena. Oh.

Do me a favor, darling.

Shave that hair off your lip.

Hey, Pop, would you wake up? You're dreaming.

Huh? Dreaming?

Wait.

Son, I was just laying here, dreaming that I'd kiss Lena Horne.

Excuse me. I just thought of something else I can do.

Pop, would you wake up?

Pop! Wake up, man. We got to be in Beverly Hills by 2 o 'clock.

What are we going to Beverly Hills for?

I already told you, Audrey, the nurse that I'm dating, arranged with the

that she works for to get you a full medical checkup.

Do you know how much money in Beverly Hills Dr. George?

Look, Pop, it's not going to be that bad, man.

Now, as a favor to Audrey, the doctor's going to give us a cut on the price.

That's charity.

It is not. It's a favor.

No, it ain't. It's charity.

I'm through talking now.

I'll just get up and let's go. I don't take no charity. I give charity.

Since when?

Since right now.

See these?

I'm donating ten to the March of Dummies.

Look at that, son.

You can tell you're in a high -class neighborhood when the dogs are dressed

better than you are.

We're in a doctor's office.

Oh, what?

Say, miss. Pop.

You hush.

Say, miss, I might be able to save you a little money on this appointment you

got. You know what's wrong with you? You have poor circulation.

That's what's wrong. If you take that girdle off...

Just sit here and read some of these magazines of cool, all right?

Yatchin.

Yuchin. Yachting.

Yachting.

Hey,

yachting.

Get on out of here, son.

Why?

This man goes yachting.

That means he got a yacht.

Now, nobody has a yacht unless they have a lot.

get their lot from the people that have not.

And we are the have -nottiest.

Now, look, I already told you that the doctor's gonna give us a break on the

price. Now, just cool. I don't care nothing about that, man. I'm gonna hurry

and get out of here. Well, I wanna get out of here, too, man. I feel a lot

better once I know the only thing wrong with you is your personality.

Lamont? Oh, hi, Audrey.

Mr. Sanford, I'll be with you in a second.

Here you are, Mrs. Boswell.

Hey, sir.

You didn't tell me they served cocktails in here.

Mr. Sanford, the doctor's ready to see you now.

I'm not ready to see him, sir.

Listen, son.

Listen, son. All of a sudden, I got this pain.

This empty feeling.

Mr. Sanford, where is this empty feeling?

In my wallet.

Here you are, Mr. Sanford.

The examination's all over, Mr. Sanford. That wasn't so bad, was it?

No, not if you consider that I was mauled and pawed and plucked and stuck.

Any pain, it'll go away.

You've just been given some booster shots.

Yeah, well, if they boost them any higher, I'll have to sit out on my lips.

Take a seat.

I'll look over your records.

Yeah, I know you will.

Still some tests to come back, but barring anything unforeseen, I can give

reasonably clean bill of health.

How much is my clean bill of health going to cost? The bill? Oh, you mean my

fee.

Well, as a favor to Audrey, shall we say $100?

As a favor to me, shall we say $10?

half of what I usually charge.

I mean, you've had tests, x -rays, and EKG. It's the best I can do.

And after dinner, we'll go dancing.

Oh, Lamont.

And then we'll go have a few drinks.

Oh, Lamont.

And then we'll go back to my place.

No, Lamont.

Your place?

Excuse me.

Pick a place.

Surely, Mr. Stanford, six months is enough time to pay off $100.

Yeah, but they gave me three years to pay off the truck.

But you're not a truck. You're a healthy 67 -year -old man.

Yeah, with a leaky wallet and a stuck rear.

Hey, Pop, are you okay?

I was okay until I went in there.

Well, listen, you just wait right out here, okay? I want to talk to the

Hi, Dr. Goodman. I'm Lamont Sam from Fred's side. Oh, yes.

So, listen, did I hear you tell my father that he only had six months?

Well, as a matter of fact, I was stretching it a bit at that.

Just take it and be thankful he's got that much time.

Yeah, Grady, being that you're his best friend, you know, I thought you should

be the first to know.

I... I can't believe it, Lamar.

But you know what they say.

Sooner or later, your number's bound to come up.

That's why I had my phone disconnected.

It was just so sudden, Grady.

Yeah.

Just like my cousin Waldo.

He was walking down the street one day, in the prime of his life, and in a

second, wham, bam, boom.

Heart attack?

No, someone dropped a set of drums on him.

I just don't want you to say anything to him about it, Grady, you know, because

it'll just get him upset.

I won't say a word.

Things will be like they always were.

He's my best and dearest friend.

We'll be close, side by side forever.

Good, Grady, good.

Lamar? Yeah?

Can you catch what he has?

If you can't, I'm not going there.

Now listen.

Remember what I said. Now compose yourself.

Hi, Pop.

Hi, Granny.

No, Fred!

It's good to see you, Fred.

I gotta go because I have to go somewhere and pull myself together.

Friends, friends.

What's the matter, Grady, son?

You act like somebody just told him his best friend had died.

Come on, Pop, sit down.

Yeah, I'm gonna sit down. I think I...

Go over here and watch me on the little TV.

Yeah.

Don't argue with me.

Listen, don't argue with me. I'm going to watch this TV, and I'll help you in

the yard later on today.

That's fine, Pop. Look, you just make yourself comfortable. Here, you want

another pillow?

You just sit back and relax.

Are you nice and comfy?

Yeah, yeah, son.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

You all right? I'm fine.

Well, you can turn the TV on, Pop. Sure, Pop, anything.

Here, there now.

You just sit back and relax, and I'll go finish cooking your dinner.

Wait a minute.

You cook dinner for me? Yeah. All your favorites, Pop. Roast duck, green peas,

mashed potatoes, and cornbread and gravy.

My birthday ain't it. No.

It's my anniversary.

No.

Your aunt Esther had a face transplant.

Look, Pop, I want you to know that I know what you know.

And knowing what you know isn't going to change things one bit, you know?

You got any dessert?

No.

No? Well, what would you like?

Uh, nothing. Never mind. I'll just, uh, pick up a bag full of pecans and I'll

drop you by the nun house.

Sit there, Pop. I'll get it.

Hi, buddy. Oh, flowers?

Yeah, just sign here.

There's a card.

Yeah.

Who's it from?

Grady. Oh, yeah? What's the card say?

It says, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred,

Fred, Fred.

I told him, Pop.

You told him what?

Look, Pop, if we're going to be together for the next six months, then we should

try and be honest with each other.

I overheard Dr. Goodman tell you that you only had six months to live.

Six months to live?

Oh, that's what all this TV and dinner's about.

Yeah, and from now on, Pop, there's nothing that's going to be too good for

Nothing's too good for me?

I couldn't do that.

No, son, see, when I was in the doctor's office, we were... All right, Pop, I'll

get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Rollo. Hold on a minute.

Hey, Pop, it's Rollo. I'll take you to the kitchen. It's private.

Private? You must be calling from solitary.

Hey, Rollo?

Yeah, look, I know you can do it, man.

Look, just... She's gonna be in town tomorrow night for a concert.

Now, just tell your cousin's friend to explain the situation to her. That's

Yeah, it'll be the biggest thing that ever happened to my Pop, man. A date

Lena Horne.

A date with me?

The mean horn.

Because he thinks I'm going to die.

I better tell him.

I'll tell him after the date.

I don't believe it. I don't

believe it.

Yeah. It's kind of hard for me to believe, too, man. But we're just going

have to live with it.

I never was one of your father's admirers.

But I still consider him one of the Lord's sheep.

The little lost beady -eyed man.

The remainder of the time that Pop's going to be here with us, let's just try

make it stay as pleasant as possible.

I mean, it's not easy for him, man. He's under a lot of strain.

Trying to act normal as if nothing is happening.

Cool all this down talk, man.

Hey, we're supposed to be playing a party for the man, right?

Hey, look, man, I did my part.

Now, Rollo, you're absolutely sure Lena Horne's going to be here tonight? Hey,

man, I told you, Lamont is all set, man. She's coming over right after the

concert, man.

Praise the Lord.

That woman's heart is in the right place.

All the rest of her is in the right place, too.

Well, I told Pop about the date tonight because I didn't want it to come as too

much of a shock to him. But I think he's really going to enjoy the party that

we're throwing for him before the date.

It'll just be one great night that he'll always remember.

It doesn't have to be too great, Lamar, because he doesn't have to remember too

long.

What can I do to help with the party?

I want you to bring some chop suey and some party records that we could dance

to. We eat his chop suey, we won't need any party records to get us dancing.

I want you to bring the liquor. But get the best, man. You know, don't spare no

expenses. Get the best. Hey, man, you ain't said nothing but get.

Say, Dad, it's too early.

Too early?

Yeah, the liquor store's still open. Get out of here.

Brady, I want you to be in charge of the decorations, okay? I want everything

bright and festive and gay.

But he's dying.

Just do it, please.

And Aunt Esther, I want you to be in charge of the rest of the food.

You can count on me, Lamont.

And don't you worry.

When Fred's gone, I'm going to take good care of you.

I'm going to love you and feed you and always hold you close to my

bosom.

Yellow jaundice and the black plague.

Why, you!

Get out of my way. Hey, Pop, what are you saying that for, man? All these

are here trying to do some nice things for you.

I think I'll go on the stairs and get me a little nap and wait on Lena. Yeah,

that's a good idea, Pop.

Pleasant dreams, friend.

Listen, Nessa, please don't say nothing to me when I'm about to go to sleep.

I want to sleep. I want to have no nightmares.

Now, Esther, you know Pop doesn't mean the things he says about you. Oh, yes,

does, Lamont. He doesn't like Esther.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi, Audrey.

Come on in. Oh, hi, Lamont.

I thought as long as I was in the neighborhood, I'd drop by your father's

results and give you some good news. Good news?

Right. I talked the doctor into giving your father all the time he wants.

All the time he wants? What kind of talk is that, Audrey? Is this your idea of

some kind of joke?

Joke? No, it's no joke. I was just trying to do your father a favor. But as

as I'm concerned, you can pay the doctor bill tomorrow.

Just a minute, miss.

Bill?

What bill?

Mr. Sanford's doctor bill.

The doctor would only give him six months to pay it, and I thought... Wait

minute, wait a minute. You mean to tell me my father isn't dying? No, he isn't.

You want to bet?

six months was short. Six minutes. Ten minutes. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Now, just a minute ago, we all thought Pop was dying.

And now that we know he isn't, well, isn't it wonderful?

Isn't it wonderful?

I see what y 'all mean.

it to us again.

Oh, man, it's time for us to teach your Papa a lesson for his own good.

Yeah, you're right, R2, and I think I know exactly what we're gonna do.

Listen, see, first of all, I want you to... Hey, it's sure taking your Papa a

long time up there, man.

Yeah, well, if you had a date with Lena Horne, wouldn't you want to be as sharp

as possible?

Yeah, he's so sharp, he'd probably cut himself smiling.

Hey, Pop, get down here, man. Lena Horne's gonna be here any minute.

Got it.

Where'd you get that funny -looking wig?

What dumb -looking wig?

This is my own hair.

I just teased it a little too much.

Yeah, teased it, squeezed it, freezed it, and diseased it.

By the way, let me put a little antifreeze in my radiator until the

weather comes.

There you go. There's nothing too good for my pop.

Nothing too good for me.

Oh, there's the horn.

Wait a minute. Do I look all right? You look fine, Pop. Yeah, come on. You look

great. You look great. You look great, Pop.

You look fine, man. Just relax.

You look all right. I'm relaxed.

All right.

Open that.

Hello,

Lamont. Audrey, Dr.

Goodman, come in. Hello. Sanford. What a surprise.

Yeah.

Like Pearl Harbor.

Look, Dr. Goodman, Audrey, why don't you go and have a little drink and mingle?

All right. Yeah, Doc, come on. Let's mingle.

I have more mingling to do with you than anybody else. Y 'all come on in the

kitchen and let's mingle.

Go right ahead there.

I'll be back in a minute.

Listen, Doc.

You got to do me a little favor.

See, I'm playing a joke on Lamont and some of his friends.

A joke?

Yeah, a joke. And they think that I only got six months to live.

Six months to live, though. What kind of a joke is that?

Black people have a funny sense of humor.

Mr. Thumper, I'm black.

To get to laughing.

Mr. Stanford, just exactly what do you want me to do?

Well, Doc, here's what I want you to do. If anybody asks you if I'm healthy,

just don't say nothing.

And don't tell them how long I got. Just tell them I got six months left.

Well, I don't know. Don't you think that's a little heavy to lay on your

friends? It's just till tomorrow night.

Well, uh...

But to make this thing really work, you've got to remember that I'm your

and you'll have to do exactly as I say, all right? All right, let me talk. Okay.

Okay, come on in here.

Let's make a lady.

Say, listen, why don't y 'all grab y 'all some of them hose drivers?

You know, there's a big old limousine coming down the street. I think it's

Look at me. How do I look?

How do I look?

You look terrible, Pop.

You're right, Lamont.

Mr. Sanford, you look dreadful, and I can't let you go out like that. As your

doctor, I'm ordering immediate rest.

Excuse me.

Hey, doc, come here, come here.

I got a trash compactor in the kitchen.

Go jump in.

Mr. Sanford, I am your doctor, aren't I?

Yes, that's right. Then I'm putting you to bed right now.

To bed?

Me?

You've only got six months.

That's all I need.

Now,

look, this is for your own good.

Hey, man, it's Lena. It's Lena.

Okay,

I think it might be good. Come on.

You ready, Felina? Okay.