Original subtitles

Previously on Resident Alien.

This is bad.

Mantids are very dangerous.

Maybe the grave has some kind of inhibitor in you to stop you from

your power.

We can't let our guard down. Not until we catch Joseph. Should we let Mike and

Liv catch him? No. Save my Joseph first. We will never get the information we

need about our baby.

Hi, Peter.

I didn't know you were bringing company.

Peter's proved that aliens are real. Son of a bitch.

I believe in aliens.

Please. Separated out Harry's alien particles and left the rest. Before

died, he told me one thing I could trade to the grave.

the technology of my people, powerful enough to destroy my home planet.

That will get me my alien energy back, and I know where to find it.

When the youth people found them, they met the star people who came from the

to trade knowledge with us.

The old ones say the spirit we carry within us is the spirit given to us by

star people.

This symbol tells us when the star people will come back to visit.

We draw these stories.

To remind us who we are.

And where we came from.

The stories we tell today are woven into all of us. And we carry them with us

forever.

my entire family has been in the time travel portal business for generations.

I saw my cousin Rex.

He's an actuary which would make 97 .333.

Storytelling is a way to take someone to some place they have never been. A way

to travel through time.

Dale's stories make me wish I could return to a time before I was ever born.

Now my mother, that's a whole different story.

She died.

At this rate, I will also be dead before I can retrieve my alien device from

1970 and trade it with the Greys to get my alien energy back.

And the Greys will probably use that device to destroy my home planet. But

nobody needs to know that.

Some stories are better not told.

Don't rush me. Going back to a specific time requires finesse, and I am an

artiste. Well, I am a doctor who left the clinic early because I thought you'd

be finished by now.

Your slow work has put the health of an entire town at risk.

Has it?

What's that supposed to mean?

Dude, without your big alien brain, you're just a guy handing lollipops to

Yeah, last week you wrote a prescription for an apple a day.

Has that girl been sick since?

No. As a matter of fact, I'm still getting a headache.

So how does this time travel thing work? You go back in time, step on a

butterfly or whatever, and...

Do you come back and, like, monkeys are in charge?

Ha -ha, that is not how portals work. If I went back 50 years and ran into 10

-year -old Asta and cut off her toe, she would not suddenly lose her toe now.

Do you think I'm 60?

What? When you go to the past, a new reality branches off, creating a

universe.

Oh, hang on, I think I have some brochures somewhere.

So, you want to time travel?

Warning, traversing the space -time continuum may cause serious side

including incontinence, rectal bleeding, or a prolonged and painful erection.

All right, so it's not all bad. Let's do this.

You're not going. Hey, I made this thing happen. Dale only answered Harry's call

because he has a crush on me. It's true.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't electric between me and the red menace. Harry,

tell her she can't go. You can go.

Yes, you are courageous, and you are not afraid to die.

Hide behind in case I get shot at. You're not going. Nobody is going

until I finish this. Now give me some space.

I'll have you back to 1870 in no time.

1970!

Then I'm going to need a day.

This is Operation Mantis Eye.

The praying mantis has several natural predators.

Bats, spiders, and birds.

We don't have time to collect enough bats and spiders, and I'm afraid of

since one got into my bedroom. So instead, I developed a weapons -grade

manticide with meme oil, which is a natural pesticide and also good for

dandruff. What are you doing?

It's 3 o 'clock. I started the alien club meeting. You can't start without

I'm the one who started this club when you went away for school. I'm the

Then maybe show up on time.

I was busy alien tracking.

Because I'm the alien tracker. And I found a fresh pile of animal bones out

the great Eternals. I thought the mantid only killed humans.

You told them about the mantid? You weren't here.

You're lucky I didn't revoke your alien club privileges. You're lucky you can't.

Because I'm the president. You're the secretary.

Hello, I'm Max, your president.

I've seen this alien mantid and I tased him, which saved the world.

We need to attack again. So if you all want to be heroes and not losers holding

homemade salad dressing.

Join me.

I want to be a hero.

Did I mention that the mantid eats people's heads?

So, follow Max and enjoy having no head.

Sorry, Max. Not like my head.

Our heads are safe.

We can wear cool helmets.

The Patience County Sheriff's Department was called to the Copper Ridge Motel

after the grisly discovery of a headless John Doe. I'm here with manager Judy

Cooper. This must be difficult for you. Isn't this the second death at your

hotel in the past year?

Yeah.

There was a third guy who broke his neck diving into the hot tub, but he's still

sort of alive, so... The floater was better. This one was messy.

But our top -notch staff cleaned it very well. That's Colette. She's, like, a

really good cleaner. She has, like, OCDC.

So come out to the Copper Ridge, where all our rooms have locks now.

I'm Margot Keene reporting with Live 16 KBKC. Oh, we're also running prom night

specials. Lose it here and save!

Hey, I could only find a handful of pre -1970s coins, but this is like $10 ,000

in today's money. This is a bad idea.

Relax, this is time travel.

I don't hear anything wrong with that sentence.

Okay, $5 ,000.

Wait, which sentence? Would you stop?

Why do you do this?

You always just jump onto whatever things the past is. Yeah, that's why I

my childhood going 100 miles an hour down mountains.

Every nerve in your body is screaming.

Yeah, they're screaming, stop trying to kill me!

See, you get it.

don't get it well you got it from joseph who is half alien might i add i'm just

saying maybe i'm not the only one looking for some excitement i was trying

save her life yeah carpe damn girl okay yes

it's one thing to save her life i just don't want to make sleeping with hybrid

aliens and kidnapping our friend's baby and time travel the norm i'll be fine

it's 1970 how rough could it be It was one of the most tumultuous and stressful

years in our country's history. Yeah, but... I look good.

Nice.

I'm good.

I'm gonna need some new friends.

We're just north of the lighthouse.

The device dropped near here, somewhere from my people's spaceship at

exactly 7 .04 p .m. last night.

You seem pretty confident for somebody walking on a beach from 50 years ago.

details of the mission that put that device on this beach are known by all of

people. The pilot that missed his target, he was tortured and killed.

Nobody react much? I'm so sad.

But you know, we sing a commemorative song every year on this day in screaming

Ted's memory.

That's touching.

Well, it's better if you understood my language. Because the chorus...

Rhymes the date of his failure with dissected alive.

Seems like a weird rhyme.

Son of a bitch!

Orangehead. Son of a

bitch.

Sorry, I need to go and say hi to my friend.

What the hell are you two doing here?

I came for that. Thank you for cleaning the sand off of it. I'll take it now and

go home.

Oh, no.

It's mine.

So you and Asta can just go back to your time portal now.

Actually, I'm Dorothy.

He never mentioned you.

So if you'll excuse me, I have a ship at the Lobster Shack.

Never mentioned me.

Not once. No, that is not accurate. I always called you Asta's...

Useless appendage.

Hey. Hey.

How did it go in Braddock?

It went great.

The alien planet gone.

Oh, that's great.

It looked like a little piece of glass.

I told the doctor that I was in a car accident when I was a kid.

Oh, good thinking. So now that we know that our baby is here and not in outer

space somewhere, what do you think about telling Liv?

Oh, honey, we still can't. She'd have to report it.

Well, then I won't tell Deputy Liv.

I'll tell Friend Liv.

Oh, honey, that's very clever. But she would have to tell Mike.

Yeah, but Liv believes in aliens. She might actually believe us.

It doesn't matter if... Liv believes.

Mike is never going to take her seriously.

That guy does not believe in aliens.

I think an alien might be doing these killings.

Wait, you're saying you believe in aliens?

I've been looking at all this evidence.

Joseph might be behind these headless murders.

Now, if that's true, you were right.

Then you're saying you believe in aliens. You just said it. Damn great. I

have time for this nonsense with Joseph out there on the loose and a one -legged

cyborg man stuck in a cave. No, you saw one.

You believe, and I need you to say it out loud. This is so exciting.

Now delete that, Deputy.

It never happened.

Delete that.

Are you dancing?

I see a shadow through the door.

For your fucking day.

I haven't gotten those environmental reports to you. I've been dealing with

stuff, but I promise to get them to you in the next day or two.

Hey, it's Kate.

Sorry I haven't gotten those environmental reports to you. I've been

with some stuff, but I promise to get them to you in the next day or two.

Where did you get the baby?

As I recall, the deal was no question left.

I am a lawyer and an officer of the court, so you should think twice before

perjure yourself.

Do the baby's parents know where she is? I object.

This isn't a courtroom.

You're the one that started using law words.

You know you can't lie to me. Remember first grade, when I made you tell me the

truth about holding hands with Charlie Hamilton?

That wasn't fair.

You did that thing where you look into my eyes like you can see my soul.

Well, as your cousin who can see inside your soul, I need you to give me a

simple yes or no.

Is that Kate's baby?

Yes, but that is all I can say.

And Kate doesn't even know where she is, which is not as bad as it sounds, but

that is all I can say.

Please don't look inside me.

Please.

And she was taken by aliens, and then we were on a spaceship, which is actually

inside the moon. And Joseph, the deputy, is also an alien who likes to play

doctor and nurse in the bedroom, except I'm the doctor and he's the nurse. Help

me now!

I'm sorry, what?

Okay, so you saved the Earth three times.

Maybe four?

Uh, after the first, it's easy to lose track.

It's all just so...

Whoa. Yeah.

Whoa.

Also, there's something else.

This might be hard to believe, but... There's an alien who lives in Patience.

You mean Harry.

You knew?

Easy guess. I mean, if anyone's an alien, it's either Harry or that guy

from the bookstore.

I should have told you. It was just... It was all too much. I mean, it's not

safe to be part of any of this, and I didn't want you to get hurt.

It's okay. You're telling me now. That's all that matters.

We are cousins. We have a special bond, and we tell each other everything.

And don't worry. I'm not going to tell anyone.

It's our secret.

Well, my dad knows.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's really good. That's good. You know, the three of us, we're going

figure this out together.

Dorothy knows, too.

Okay. And Maxim's are.

And maybe some of their friends.

I'm feeling less special.

God, I'm so sorry I never told you. It was just too dangerous.

I don't know. Knowing that we're not alone in the universe, it sounds

comforting, but it also can feel like not being alone in the house.

Scary. A little bit.

Do you remember that comic book, Sky, that we used to read all the time as

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I love that comic. And we made T -shirts of the hand with paint.

Yeah. Our people have been passing down this story for hundreds of years,

generation through generation.

And someday...

We're going to tell it to our kids.

Yeah. We are a part of something much bigger.

And you, you are the son of everyone who has come before you.

You are formidable.

You are everything.

You are everything.

Please get out. No way.

These prices are insane.

Lobster dinner, three bucks?

With your discount.

Okay. I'll take two of those. And I will have the alien device.

Lady, a little service here?

Okay. Hey, Haas, maybe calm down. Have one of these 50 -cent beers?

Is this a joke? Oh, my God. Okay.

Round for everybody on me.

Please take it easy.

He needs his job.

Didn't you need to go diarrhea?

Ah, yes, that's right. Time travel.

Brutal on the old plumbing.

I need to go pee out of my butt.

You're disgusting.

Can't have it.

I need it.

Saved my father's life.

I know what I saw.

Look at the damn photos.

Oh, we have.

Could have been weather balloons.

The agents who made him feel like he was crazy and ruined his life will be at

his house in an hour.

If these people are your problem, then give me the device and I will crush

heads in with it before I leave.

That would do nothing. They just send more.

I saw that alien device fall on the beach when I was a kid, but I was too

to say anything.

It's proof that what he saw is real.

When the agents leave, I will give it to him, and he will finally know the

truth. Well, I need it.

The Greys stole my, what you would call my life force, my alien energy.

And I need to trade the Greys the device to get it back.

What are the Greys planning to do, is that... They will obliterate my planet.

It sounds worse than it is.

I've been here for two years.

I came back to spend time with my father just a couple of months, just enough to

have a proper goodbye.

As far as he knew, I was his new lady in town named Jen.

But now we're friends.

So last night when your people's spaceship flew over, I realized that I

this.

Waitress.

Yes, sir.

Okay, check the back room.

Looked in every purse, and all I found were Aquanet cigarettes.

Lots of cigarettes.

So many cigarettes.

My God, how are there still people?

But no, alien device.

I will check her car, and you stay here and babysit General Fish Hands.

Why do you get to do it? Because it is my turn.

And also, I am not good at chitting, and I'm even worse at chatting. Okay, all

right, you can do it. But first, I'm just gonna...

Go grab you a piece of this dirty, unwrapped 1970s hard candy by the door

Don't you bother with it!

Oh, hello, you two. I wanted to introduce you to FBI agent Jules

is Sheriff Mike... Explode!

Ignite! Ancient school is dynamite!

Okay. Liv Baker.

It's been forever.

Babe, stop doing that cheer. You can't say dynamite in a school gym anymore.

I didn't know you went to Patience High.

Best years of my life.

Wow.

Jules Gardner.

Ben Hawthorne. Sitting in the mayor's office.

You know, I don't think I've seen you since prom.

Remember? You stole my girlfriend.

Right. I was drunk and your date was a lesbian.

Yeah, maybe for like a night.

We dated for six years.

Hey, didn't you?

Throw up in the photo booth?

On the back table.

Welcome back to Patience. I'm Sheriff Mike Thompson.

Hi, yeah.

Lena told me all about you as soon as I came on board. I called in Agent Gardner

to assist us in the investigation. She lives in Jessup, and the Colorado field

office was just assigned the case.

Oh.

Good. I mean, I'm not sure we need outside help on this one, but okay.

protocol in situations like this. She's a behavioral analyst, and she works out

of the field office in the spring.

Wow, that is... So cool.

She also received a shield of bravery, so I think we are in very good hands.

Sounds like we are.

So, the murders.

I worked up a profile. This has serial killer written all over it. You're going

to want to order a town -wide curfew for now to keep everyone safe. Yeah, well,

I'm way ahead.

I hold regular self -defense classes, so I'm teaching everyone in town to

protect themselves.

You do?

Well, I'm not sure that we have the budget for that. Don't need a budget?

do it right here in the town hall.

When?

The usual, huh?

You'd never show up. I would, but I never have anything imaginary to wear.

is, I'm in the process of turning every citizen in this town into a lethal

weapon. Well, sounds like we have all the bases covered.

I'm sure we'll catch whoever it is in no time.

Should have known.

Eat a couple of human heads, cops start swarming, and soon every loser in town

has a crime podcast.

I guess it's not that bad.

Mix it up a little. Eat a few wild animals while things calm down.

When we were young, we'd eat anything with a pulse.

Nobody talked about carbs or protein intake.

Supper time.

Is

this

okay?

No, it's not scary.

Catch the mantid yet? You mean, have I saved the world again yet?

No.

Now, if you'll excuse me, apparently Bridget is afraid of cartoon vampires.

And I'm just so silly.

You know, it's no bra night at the war protest.

And I've done locked myself out of my car.

Oh.

Well, let me see what I can do.

All right.

Far out.

There you go.

Groovy. What did you say your name was?

I should take it from my report.

Oh, yeah.

The name's Carol.

Brady.

Husband's Mike. He's an architect.

Just us and our six kids. And I think the housekeeper maybe lives with us.

the TV show?

Is that on TV?

Already.

I'm just joking.

My real name is Meredith Gray.

I'm a surgeon.

Just need your name.

Out of sight.

All right, all right.

Give Pete a chance.

Jesus. Found it.

I win.

You know, Max, if you want to help... Max?

Bridget!

Oh, no.

Get to it.

Get to it. Big one right there.

Oh, wow. All right. Good job, Marine. Good job. Everybody give her a hand,

right?

Nice job.

Who wants to go next?

Judy, you want to give it a shot? Come on.

Yes, Sensei Mike. You don't have to call me that.

Yes, my lord. You don't have to call me that either. Just remember, most of your

attackers will be men, all right? So you're going to want to go strong into

groin, all right?

Strong into the groin. Trust me, it still hurts even if you're a girl.

I fell out of a tree when I was eight.

Took a tree limb right in the beef.

Okay. Okay, Judy, thank you. Let's give it a try. All right. Let's show them how

it's done. Here you go.

Oh, wow. I see why you got the ghee now.

Oh, okay.

All right. Very good. This is called the windmill. Yay!

So how's that whole weird Joseph thing going? You said that he's back in town?

Oh, I didn't say that.

Some guy wearing a mask whose breath smelled really bad told me that.

Probably hadn't eaten in a while.

Sometimes that would do that.

So what's going on with that crazy thing anyway?

I can't really involve you.

You should leave it up to the professionals.

I'm the mayor, so I'm obviously a professional.

He's snipping ribbons with fake giant scissor scans.

Oh, those aren't fake. They cut. Ask Charlie Jones about his ear.

Doesn't make sense to loop you in since you don't know anything.

Oh, don't I?

Let's just say I have experience with certain things I cannot discuss.

Experience? Like alien experience?

I knew it.

Kate has been abducted by aliens. Just tell me.

Wow, you can write to... No.

What?

No way. That's crazy. It's slander.

Get out of here with that.

Okay, all right. Good job.

All right, who else wants to try? Anybody?

I'll go.

Oh, all right. Come on up, Pete.

You know, let's change it up a little bit here.

Do me a favor. Turn around.

Yeah? Okay.

You're out there, you're minding your own business, and you don't hear

and all of a sudden, bam!

Something's got you.

Right by your neck. Now, what are you going to do?

No. No.

All right. No. You're doing it.

No. No. No.

No. No.

No.

It's okay.

It's okay.

In the vastness of the cosmos, decisions are rarely simple.

To save myself, I must destroy my own kind.

Yes, my people will be annihilated.

But they will not care because they do not have emotions.

They are very lucky that way.

Hold on.

Are we sure this device is safe to take to the portal?

It is safe.

Remember the banana?

What if this thing jams the system or whatever? Why don't we tie a rope to it?

We'll go through, get home, and then pull the thing in after.

Your tiny red brain is working so hard.

This is not a banana.

This is a Pleiadian Gamut cluster.

It can monitor tides, currents, water temperature, the salinity of trillions

gallons of water at once.

This device is incomprehensibly complex. This is a rock.

What? Son of a bitch.

She tricked us.

Mostly you.

Okay, Dad.

Here you go.

I was so sure I saw it.

The... thing.

UFO. You did.

I saw it, too.

What if I said I could give you proof?

I already have proof.

My daughter took a dozen pictures.

Look at them.

It was just a weather balloon.

Come on, Jen. This is the United States government. They know what they're

talking about.

I... I

don't know what is wrong with me.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Here.

Not a photo.

Real.

It fell out of the ship. I saw it.

It fell off a satellite.

Some kid's science project.

I don't know.

You listen to me.

This is what they do.

They mess with your head. They make you doubt your own eyes. It's how people end

up thinking the moon landing was fake.

They do?

Not yet. It doesn't matter.

You know what makes it even worse?

I told Henry down at the Elks about it.

I was all around town.

Went to get my paper this morning.

Neighbors staring at me.

Forget everyone else.

Believe what you know is true.

I don't know what's true.

Not anymore.

Can you go now?

Thanks for fixing Peter's legs.

I didn't realize I was putting them on backwards.

Been walking around like an ostrich.

It's not such a bad thing.

An ostrich will kick the stuffing out of a cheetah.

Hold on. I just need to use the little girl's room. Wait.

I'm mousetrapping because I'm peeing, and I don't want you to hear me pee.

Then trumpet a different song then, because that one's going to get stuck in

head, and then every time I hear it, I'm going to think about you peeing.

Production of Meet Me in St. Louis. Now every time I hear clank, clank, clank.

Sir?

A bug.

You saw a bug?

What kind of bug? Big.

Big thing. A giant thing. Like eight and a half feet tall.

Like a giant cricket.

Cricket?

Wait.

Was it more like a praying mantis? Yes. Like that.

god it was a mantid alien you saw another alien and not just any

alien what are the rarest aliens in the universe oh man everyone gets to see an

alien but me i'm never peeing again

okay we wait for the

milkman and then you jump him and strip him of his uniform, put on the uniform,

knock on the door, seduce the father, ply him with milks and cheeses, get

with him. The plan really hinges on his attraction to milkmen.

Who isn't attracted to milkmen?

Whatever you idiots were planning, forget it.

I failed.

My father's going to die.

It's all yours.

Okay, goodbye.

Wait, wait.

What happened?

I thought I could save him.

I thought I could change the future.

I spent my whole life hating my younger self because she didn't do enough.

Maybe it's time to forgive her.

Because I failed him, too.

Okay, goodbye.

Okay, hold on. Jesus.

Look, that sucks.

But maybe you weren't meant to come back and change things.

Right? Why don't you come back with us?

No. I'm staying.

Well, I'm not.

I will wait for you at the portal.

I don't get it.

Why stay here?

You're just a waitress.

You could go back to where you're admiral of the space army.

Or whatever. I don't really know what your job was. Sorry. I'm staying for

Little girl is going to need somebody.

Her father wouldn't listen.

Not even to his own daughter.

Yeah, but you're not.

What? His daughter.

I mean, not here.

Not to him.

You're just Jen from the lobster shack.

Maybe you should let her try.

Look. I gotta go. He is a hundo. Be not waiting for me.

Hey.

Did Harry ever tell you what he's really planning to use that device for?

Oh, hi, Miss McLean.

That was one of my favorite books when I was your age.

Everyone gave me baby books, but my dad...

Knew that I was capable of more.

You saw that UFO, didn't you?

I don't know.

I know you think that if you

tell your dad what you saw, that he might not believe you.

That things might never be the same between you again.

How did you know that?

I was once a little girl, too.

Lots of people will try to take away your voice, but you always have to tell

truth.

I know that you are very strong.

And right now, you can share your strength with your dad so that he

saw what he saw.

Do you think you could do that?

I saw it, too.

You did?

I believe you.

Yeah.

Thank you, honey.

For believing.

Are you sure this is the right way? Yes. Max said he found some animal carcasses

near the Grady property.

Yup. Here I am.

Max, just a...

Normal, unsupervised kid in the woods, alone at night.

Look at the aliens.

I hope there's no monsters around.

I'm really helpless.

Hey,

stupid. Looks like company's coming.

Lame catchphrase. He is mine.

tell me i was helping you destroy your people i think you would not have helped

no i wouldn't have good call i'm doing it to kill the mantid to save earth your

planet yeah all right one day as a human and you care so much about the people

of earth yes you can't lie to a liar look at me harry leave me alone

i have to do this yeah to get your alien energy back yes okay fine

I need it back. I have to have it.

I'm weak in this human body.

I'm vulnerable. I'm frightened.

Welcome to the club.

I'm nothing now.

You should understand.

You were an Olympic athlete. What if you had a chance to get that back?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, tempted.

But not if it was gonna...

kill everyone on Earth.

And if I was in that situation, I would... I wouldn't want a friend to

out of it.

I do not want you to talk me out of it. I don't want to feel like this. I do not

want to feel like I am nothing.

I think you'll feel more like nothing if you do this.

And these are your people.

You can't just wipe them out.

But I will be me again.

But only you.

No one else in your race no connection Floating at the end

of nothing

Sometimes beings are forced to acknowledge their history.

And to recognize that they are not separate from

it, but that it lives inside them.

Yeah, your cards are bad.

There's a couple of cards there.

Sometimes they get to rewrite their history.

Sometimes they avoid it entirely.

I spent my whole life hating my younger self because she didn't do enough.

Maybe it's time to forgive her.

You screwed everything up.

Oh, hey, there's Darcy.

Please, give me my baby!

Huh? You okay?

She was there.

What?

My history is one of being a strong, proud alien.

And I chose to preserve that.

Now my story is, I am human.

And a lactose intolerant human.

But as humans like to say, and I still do not know why, it is what it is.

And I am sure it will not be as bad. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Foot cramp! Foot

Honey,

I'm home!

Heather. I want you to meet your kids.

And sometimes our history comes home to roost.

For my life. Where my love resides.

Got me weak.

In the knees.

In the pain still.

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