Original subtitles

You've been a very bad boy, haven't you?

Yes, I have.

Let me see what I can do to release a little bit of this tension for you.

Feels like somebody's in need of a little release.

You just sit back...

and you let Shelly do all the work, okay?

Now that's what I call communing with nature.

It's all about keeping it green, sweetie.

Morning, boss.

Hey, Cammie.

You're looking quite hot today.

Thank you.

Mr. Williams was kind enough to give me a very

substantial gift certificate to Caveat in Beverly Hills.

Wow.

Well, that's very nice.

Listen, Cammie, I gotta ask you something.

Did you happen to see that car over there?

The car parked down by the end of the driveway this morning.

Uh, no.

I didn't see anything when I came in.

I must be getting paranoid then.

Anyways, how are we looking?

Actually, we're doing great.

Shelly's with one of the regulars down by the stream.

Lucky is with Mr. Mathis.

And Anita's working on a new walk-in.

Excellent.

I'm sure she's gonna make him a regular.

How are we looking for later on?

We are booked solid.

Very good.

That's great.

Okay, I'm gonna be in my office if anybody needs me,

but I'm sure the girls have everything under control.

I'm sure they do.

Happy endings.

Yes, we offer all kinds of massages.

Swedish, deep tissue.

What did you have in mind?

Hi, Mike.

How are you today?

I am definitely feeling lucky today.

And how many times have you used that line before?

Probably just about every time I've come here.

I think it's time you start using a new one.

I think today we'll start by loosening your jaw muscles.

Sounds like a plan to me.

I need your love.

I've got to feel it.

I want your touch.

I've got to have it.

I need your love.

I've got to feel it.

Hold me close.

Big love dose.

Watch your boast.

Let's cruise the coast.

Want your love.

I've got to have it.

I need your love.

I've got to feel it.

I want your touch.

I've got to have it.

I need your love.

I've got to feel it.

I've got to have it.

I've got to feel it.

I want your touch.

I've got to have it.

I need your love.

I've got to feel it.

I've got to have it.

I want your touch.

I've got to feel it.

You know, every time I get the chance, I just like to

take my elbows and just dig them right in their backs.

That's because you, my dear, are a sadist.

You like to inflict pain.

Come to think of it, I believe you may be right.

Hey, ladies.

Hey, Mike.

Hi, Mike.

So, how was your massage, Mr. Mathis?

Great.

As always.

Oops.

Well, I'll be seeing y'all soon.

Bye.

Hi, I'm Candy Connors.

I have the 10 o'clock appointment.

With the Cuddly Sisters.

Oh, yeah.

The Cuddly Sisters.

Anita and Shelly.

They're not really sisters, though, you know?

They're not?

Not really.

No.

They just think it adds to the whole fantasy thing.

You know, they say there's nothing like a woman's touch.

Oh, I think they're right.

Have you ever really been touched by a woman?

Well, there was this one time in college.

We'd been drinking.

And this girl, she said, she slid her hand up my leg under my skirt.

Oh, you mean like this?

Uh-huh.

Just like that.

And then what happened?

And then she started to circle her tongue around the small of my back.

You mean like this?

Yes.

Just like that.

And then we started to kiss.

Can we, dear?

Could you run to the bank and deposit this for me, please?

Yeah, sure.

I'll do it right now.

I'll watch the desk while you're gone.

This is not good.

That was incredible.

Do you think I can do it?

I don't think I could ever learn to give massages like that.

Of course you can.

The boss, Dusty, she's always looking for new girls, especially ones as hot as you.

Sounds good.

Where do I sign up?

Well, she usually reviews the applicants on Friday.

So you want to come back tomorrow?

Great.

Then I'll see you bright and early.

And we'll both put in a good word for you.

The money's great, and besides, it'd be a lot of fun having you around.

Ahem.

Every day, these so-called massage parlors are open for you.

Captain,

as you know, we're on it.

Both Mike and I feel really close to a big bust.

But so far without any concrete results.

I promise we will rise to the occasion.

You'd better.

These sleazy joints are popping up all over the city.

I want to close them up and I want to make an example out of happy endings.

But sir, why start with them?

I mean, they're so far off the beaten path.

There are way more highly visible massage polys popping up all over the city.

Like jack-me-offers out on the parkway?

Or the tug-and-rub on Main?

I don't want to shut down the tug-and-rub.

I want to shut down happy endings.

But why happy endings?

Why?

Because I don't like the name.

That's why.

Got it, Captain.

Good.

Because I don't like the name.

That's why.

Forgive me for saying so, buddy, but Captain's

got his head straight up his ass on this one.

Is this the worst job of the frickin' century or what?

I know.

But we can't screw it up.

No, Mike.

Okay?

I know the Cap.

He'll bust his strength on the traffic duty.

And we sure as hell don't want that.

Relax, will ya?

I got it all figured out.

We'll shut the place down eventually.

But for now, there's no reason we can't have a little fun first.

My neck's starting to feel a little stiff if you catch my drift, buddy.

I think we should just stick to the stakeout like the Captain wants.

Unfortunately, sitting in a car for eight hours watching other guys walk out with

smiles on their face is not my idea of having fun.

It's our job.

It's not supposed to be fun.

Let me see those for a second.

I'll tell you what.

Half these guys look like they need a massage after they come out of that place.

That's because the girls are banging the hell out of them in there.

How do you know?

Everybody knows that.

Mmm.

This is exactly what I needed after a day like today.

Oh.

Could not agree more.

Oh, here she comes.

Now, ladies, don't hog all the bubbles.

I need to relax just as much as you two, if not more.

Well, get your butt in.

The water's warm.

Come here.

Take a picture.

Head's gross, is that so?

Hypnotics touching the knees.

Hypnotica.

Think about it.

Hypnotica.

Hypnotica.

You feel so good.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Come over here.

You like what you see?

Enter my trance.

Come on, dance.

Love

it.

Oh, yeah.

Give it to me.

That's it.

Feel good.

That beat.

Sexy.

My treat.

Is that so?

You're the guy you found me with.

Hypnotica.

Providing a light.

Hypnotica.

You're acting so tough about it.

All right.

Hit the hood, Mick.

That's right.

Give a hand and wave.

See you.

Okay, I can't take it anymore.

I go to Happy Endin's.

You what?

Oh, I go there all the time.

I can't get enough of the place.

Are you insane?

What if the captain finds out?

He's not.

What are the girls like?

One word?

Un-fucking-believable.

Any brunettes?

Oh, I love those little sexy brunettes.

Oh yeah, they got this one girl, Lucky.

She will turn your world inside out.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

You're kidding me, right?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Damn it, I know I'm gonna regret this.

Now remember, let me do all the talking.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Don't worry, you can thank me later.

Come on, will ya?

Later, right?

Hey Mike, back so soon.

Hard to keep away, Cammie.

Who's your handsome friend here?

This is Tommy Hall.

And it's his first time here, if you follow what I'm saying.

Yeah, I get it.

We'll make sure he's in the hands of one of our most skilled ladies.

Oh, you might want to call Lucky.

He's got this thing for brunettes.

Okay, great.

Well actually, if you wouldn't mind, I was wondering if you can give me the

massage, Miss... Oh, oh, it's Cammie.

Yeah, I think we can do that.

The client always gets what they want here at Happy Endings.

Just come with me down to the pool area.

Shelly here can watch the desk while I'm away.

What, so I'm a receptionist now?

I know you can do it.

Thanks for the favor, I owe you one.

Enjoy, buddy.

So where's Dusty today?

Oh, yeah, I think she's down by the pool interviewing her new employee.

Hmm.

Maybe I'll go see her for a few minutes.

Whatever.

Don't forget to answer those calls, sweet cheeks.

If I break a nail, I'll be furious.

You got strong hands.

Thank you.

It would help if you'd tell me where you store all your attention.

Well, my inner thighs.

Wow.

That's where all the girls tell me it seems to build up.

I guess that just makes me normal.

Well, maybe we should get rid of some of that tension.

Oh, uh, I think you should be doing that.

Why not?

Isn't it illegal?

Not unless you're a cop.

What makes you think that?

You're still wearing your socks.

Well, I'm not a cop.

I'm just embarrassed at the way my feet look.

I'm sure you have great feet.

You're just shy.

Here's the deal.

I'm gonna slide my hand under your towel because I like you.

And not for any other reason.

Well, then I guess it's okay.

By the way, I like you too.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy,

bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang Pussy, pussy,

bang, bang Pussy, pussy, bang, bang

Pussy, pussy, bang, bang.

Boobies.

Bouncing.

Boobies.

Bouncing.

Boobies.

Bouncing.

Wow Dusty, you're a really great player.

You too Candy, and you're quite a distraction.

So, do I have the job?

I'd have to say... yes.

Woo!

Yes!

When do I start?

You can start this afternoon if you wish.

Just see Cammie and she'll give you all the necessary paperwork to fill out.

Okay, I'll do that.

Thanks.

No need to thank me.

Just keep the coin coming in and everyone will be happy.

Aye aye Captain.

Oh hey Dusty, I didn't realize you had company.

That's okay Mike, we just finished our game.

Yeah, I caught the last point.

Love, set, match.

Very impressive indeed.

Candy Connors, I'd like to introduce you to Mike Mathis.

One of our finest VIP clients here at Happy Endings.

It's very nice to meet you.

Same here.

Candy just applied for a job and I'm thinking of starting her out today.

You mean she's a virgin?

So to speak.

Well, I think it's high time we break in the new employee.

Okay, well, um, just give me a few minutes, I'll

take a shower and I'll meet you at the house.

Forget the house, let's do it right here on the tennis court.

Are you kidding?

Nah, no joke.

And Dusty here can even join us.

Oh Mike, you know that as the boss, I always get extra.

Trust me, it'll be well worth it.

Okay, I'll see you.

Bye.

See you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey guys.

Hope the girls worked those kinks out for you.

They always do.

I think we wanna make appointments for tomorrow.

You know, just in case we tighten up again.

It shouldn't be a problem.

How's 11 a.m.?

Perfect.

That work for you?

Sure.

Here's an appointment card, in case you forget.

That massage from Cammie, I will never forget.

I can promise you that.

Glad you enjoyed it, fellas.

I tell you what, this is my new home away from home.

Hell yeah.

I told you this was going to be the assignment of the century.

What are we going to tell the captain?

Look, I've been thinking about it.

We have to tell the captain we need to go undercover, we'll get a few more massages,

and we'll try to figure out a way to keep them from getting busted.

I think I'm in love.

You've got to be kidding.

I'm serious.

We'll wait till tomorrow, Mr. Amateur.

You get to fall in love all over again with somebody new.

I seriously doubt it, but I think it's possible.

Ladies, I need to speak to you about something very important.

Has anyone seen any suspicious activity?

Like perhaps a strange new client?

Or a car parked outside that shouldn't be there?

No.

You know, come to think of it, there was a black Ford

parked near the driveway yesterday for a really long time.

Did it look like they might have been cops?

I don't know.

I didn't get close enough to see them.

Well, I found this the other day right outside in our foyer.

It must have dropped out of somebody's bag.

Is that a police badge?

Yep.

And this means that we've got to be extra, extra careful from here on in.

No more new clients.

And we've got to ask our regulars questions to try and

find out if one of them might be an undercover cop.

This is no joke, ladies.

We could get in very, very serious trouble.

Sorry, you guys.

Did I interrupt something?

No, no.

We were just about to adjourn to the shaft.

In that case, can I join you ladies?

Sure.

I think we could fit one more.

Guy's supposed to be my client.

No, he's not.

He's mine.

Look, if a guy grabs my ass and says, I can't wait to get a hold of that next

time, then I take that as, he can't wait to get a hold of my ass next time.

And his appointment tonight is next time.

This is bullshit.

And I'm not going to let you get away with it, bitch.

Are you calling me a bitch?

Bitch?

Yeah, bitch.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Girls, what's going on here?

These two little sluts are trying to steal my regular slut.

You know that when they look up the word

slut in the dictionary, your picture's there.

Take my... Stop!

You will all do penance!

Hey Dusty.

..

Fuck you, baby.

Bad enough, sexy, slutty, horny, homie.

Boobie, sleazy, titty, pussy.

Penis, pop-up, boner, loner.

Flirty fucker, sucker, mutterker.

Lusty, busty, luscious, red-boned.

Boner?

Wank, buddy, ready, come, me.

X-rated, dating, trans-y.

Playful, lustful, couple, brothel.

Suck, baby.

It's good.

Ain't, baby.

Harder.

Take, baby.

I don't squeeze it.

Fuck, baby.

Baby.

Horno, speedo, trio, dum-dum.

Bimbo, bozo, homo, blow.

Bitchy, naughty, easy, don't cheat.

Teeny, weeny, dumper, kini.

Baddest, beauty, body, got teeth.

Russian, vixen, virgin, con man.

But not closet fat guts.

Sexy, texty, bling, you just see.

Rocker,

cocker, stalker, joker.

User, loser, boozer, smooth czar.

Booty, beefy, bouncy, boobies.

Billy's biggie, flashy, lean.

Hooker, lips, hips, triple-X-obligation.

Suck, baby.

Murky, fleury, filthy, candy.

Druggy, losing, dummy, drug geek.

Cream, suck it, baby.

Yummy.

Fuck, fuck, you, baby.

Baby.

Do it.

Cock, suck it, baby.

Baby.

Shaft it.

Gay.

Gay, fuck your baby.

Uh huh, shove it.

God, suck your baby.

Anal, fuck your baby.

Titty, fuck your baby.

Cod, suck your baby.

Pussy, suck your baby.

Fucker,

cocker, stalker, joker.

User, loser, boozer, smooth, czar.

Booty, beefy, bouncy, boo, beefy.

God, fuck your baby.

Anal, fuck your baby.

Titty, fuck your baby.

So, how's the progress on shutting down Happy Endings?

Well, sir, we sticked out the place to determine how hard it would be to penetrate.

I'm sorry, did you say hard?

And penetrate.

Hard to penetrate.

Sir.

What's the matter with you two?

This is a serious situation we have here.

Sorry, sir.

These massage parlors are destroying the moral fiber of our community.

We won't disappoint you.

Well, then get the hell out of my office and go arrest somebody for crying out loud.

Shut that place down.

Putz.

Okay, this has got to be our last appointment.

All right, but I think I'm beginning to like my Happy Endings.

I know.

We have to stall as long as possible.

And try and figure out a way to keep them open.

But you know the captain.

He won't rest until we run them out of town.

I know.

I think we need to warn Dusty and the girls.

I agree.

Hey, nice to see you guys back so soon.

Just hang tight and the girls will be with you shortly.

Cammy's here, right?

Oh, I heard what happened between you two yesterday.

She's been getting ready since she got here at eight.

Which is why I'm still here on Dust's duty.

So, you must have made quite the impression.

I have to say the feeling was mutual.

Hey, boys, ready for a little fun?

Hi.

No, we're ready for a lot of fun.

Well, then let's go have some fun.

Partner, I tell you, it's going to be tough to give this all up.

It doesn't get any better than this.

You boys don't have to give this up.

Yeah, we're not going anywhere.

We'll be here whenever you like it.

Girls, there's something we have to talk about.

Sorry, boys, but we're not allowed to date the clients.

Speak for yourself.

No, this is serious.

Yeah, I'm sure that it is.

But don't you think you can wait until after your massages?

Well, I guess I could wait an hour.

Hey, you know what?

I think this is the first time we've ever been in the same room naked together.

What's the matter?

Do I make you nervous?

I'm just concentrating on hot little girls sliding up and down your body.

Copy that.

You guys are talking funny.

What's going on?

I think I'm falling in love.

Yeah, me too.

Excuse me.

You got a guy named Mathis here today?

Oh, you mean Mike?

He's upstairs with his friend.

The guy likes to keep his socks on.

Yeah, that sounds like them.

Thanks.

Well, hello, gentlemen.

Captain.

The hell are you doing here?

You dropped your appointment card on my floor when you left the office.

I suppose this is part of your stakeout, getting to know the establishment and the

employees real up close and personal before you shut them down, huh?

Shut us down?

What's he talking about?

Captain, listen.

Don't say a word.

Just get dressed and get the hell out of here.

You've exposed the whole sting operation.

I'm sorry, girls.

This is what we wanted to talk to you about.

What the heck is going on in here?

I'm shutting down this den of iniquity.

I'm sorry, but we provide a very valuable service in this town.

Not anymore, you don't.

I'm taking it over.

You've got 48 hours to vacate the premises.

Can you do that?

Yeah, can you do that?

Of course I can do that.

I'm a police captain.

Good day, ladies.

What are we gonna do?

I know, I don't wanna go back home and live with my parents.

I know, maybe my ex-boyfriend will take me back.

Look, ladies, no one's going anywhere.

I'm gonna take care of you just like I always have, no matter what happens.

Thanks.

You're like a mother to us.

I don't know what I'd do if something happened.

Okay, enough with the mushy stuff.

Now we're all in this together and we're gonna get out of this together.

We need to put our heads together.

No, actually, we need to put our assets together.

And what are those?

Well, I'd say that between us, we've got some of the best chests in the city.

Yeah, we've been using those and look where it got us.

Oh, can we petition the mayor?

Oh, Uncle Carl, he doesn't like petitions.

Huh?

We were talking about Mayor Sloan, dear.

Oh, so was I.

Uncle Carl, Mayor Sloan.

Yeah, he's my uncle.

You're the mayor's niece?

You've got to be kidding me.

Uh, yep, he would do anything for me.

In fact, Dusty, you are exactly his type.

My aunt, she was a 38, double F.

You know, you two should have dinner together.

If there's one thing I know about my Uncle Carl, it's that... he's a breast man.

What happened to your aunt?

She drowned in a boating accident.

With 38 double F's?

I know, go figure.

I think dinner is a great idea.

Can you set that up?

Yeah, let me just get a picture of these.

And send.

Y'all think this is going to work?

It has to work.

We don't have any other option.

Oh, wow, that was fast.

Uh, how's tomorrow?

Tomorrow is perfect.

Yay!

Whoo!

I knew hiring you was a good idea.

Oh, well.

So, my niece tells me that, um, you gave her a job at your establishment.

She told you that I hired her?

Of course.

Candy and I are very close.

Actually, I'm, uh, very proud of her.

And we don't have any secrets.

What exactly did she say my business was?

You run Happy Endings.

I'm aware of what you do.

I think you provide a very valuable service for the community.

Well, we do do our best to keep our clients happy.

All the way to the end, right?

You're so funny, Mr. Mayor.

Carl.

Why don't you just call me Carl?

Well, then, you are a very funny man, Carl.

I toast to your success.

Hello?

Anyone here?

Oh, didn't you see the police tape?

We're closed down.

Yeah, but I was kind of hoping for a massage.

Well, you're not a cop, are you?

Me?

No.

Do I look like a cop?

I guess it wouldn't matter at this point, anyway.

I'll give you a massage, but I have to warn you, I

am new here, so I'm still working on my technique.

It's okay with me.

Not picky.

Great, Candy.

He's all yours.

Thanks.

Wow.

You know, what I want to know is, why aren't you available for a massage?

I'd pay top dollar for that.

Well, someone's got to run the business, right?

If you ever change your mind, just promise me that I'll be your very first.

You know what I think?

I think we've got to get you back to my place and into the jacuzzi.

You're stiff as a board.

And I think I may have just changed my mind.

I think that is a wonderful idea.

So, Mr. Mayor, how well do you know Police Captain Crane?

Crane and I go way back.

We grew up together.

Why do you ask?

Well, he stopped by today and gave me 48 hours' notice to get out of town.

He's going to shut down my business.

Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do.

He's a by-the-book kind of guy.

Inflexible.

But, you know, I understand that every now and then rules need to be bent.

Sometimes even broken.

Well, I can't let him shut down my business.

I don't know what those girls would do without me.

Well, there's no doubt that you and your girls

perform a valuable service for the community.

But if I'm going to go to the city council and try to

work something out, I've got to take them something.

Well, what did you have in mind?

I don't know, madam.

That would be up to you.

What do you have in mind?

Yeah, that might work.

They'd like that.

They'd like that a lot.

Well, I have something right here that you might like.

Oh, I think you're right.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good.

All right, come on, you guys.

Let's get this place closed up.

All right.

This place is now the property of the police department.

Ah, Mr. Mayor, just the man I want to see.

We're closing this business down.

It's not really a massage parlor.

It's a house of ill repute.

They're giving more than just massages here, if you know what I'm talking about.

Hold on there, Pat Garrett.

I just had the most relaxing 60 minutes of my entire life,

and you're telling me you want to shut this place down?

But, Mr. Mayor, this is the seed of impurity.

It will grow and corrupt our entire way of life.

They have to be shut down, like hell it does.

It is staying open by order of the mayor's office, and they're going to also be

providing free massages for all the police and all the fire department once a week.

And it's my job to make sure they are relaxed on their days off.

Oh, and you know what?

To make sure the story has a happy ending all the way around, you're fired.

Oh, and one more thing.

There's a new sheriff in town.

Whew.

We're at the end of this.

Yeah!

All right!

I need to pee!

Hey!

So

why'd you sit here all alone?

Pretend you're mine tonight.

So why'd you sit here all alone?

Pretend you're mine tonight.

So

why'd you sit here all alone?

Pretend you're mine tonight.

So why'd

you sit here all alone?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Pretend you're mine tonight.

Yeah!

You make me feel good.

So why'd you sit here all alone?

Pretend you're mine tonight.

You make me feel good.

And this is the third one.

And this

is the fourth one.