Original subtitles

Hey, Ben, make it up for me, too.

I thought it was you.

Well, I don't have a girl over, and there's no way that you have a girl

Hey, bonjour, boys.

Hey. I hope you don't mind. You know, I didn't want to weigh crypto.

No problem, Dad. That's why we gave you that emergency key.

You know, I haven't been sleeping lately. This morning, I've already

movie, worked out, took a shower.

Where do you get that wonderful apricot shampoo?

You did all that here?

I was wondering who put that extra blanket on me.

Anybody want breakfast?

No, I got to pack. I'm leaving for a big cosmetic surgery conference.

Where are you flying off to?

West 57th Street.

Well, if it's in town, why are you staying at a hotel?

Free luxury suite, complimentary massages, room service.

And you can eat a cracker without somebody hovering over you with a dust

Ants.

Sunday, he spent half an hour cleaning out the soap dish.

The dirty part is soap.

I have to go, too. Mom and I are going to the flea market. What?

Nobody wants eggs? Sorry, Dad.

Oh, hey, Mom. I just need to grab a sweatshirt.

I guess I'm the only one that burned a lot of calories last night. Because

Crystal was like a wild Lydia.

Stuart, you know, I hate to break the news, but listening to a woman fake an

orgasm doesn't burn any calories.

I know faking, that wasn't faking.

It's lovely to see you, though.

That was faking.

Kenji, what do you say we see if there's any takers down at the flea market for

this adorable objet?

I can't tell it, Mom. It's Naomi's. Yes.

The artist captured her beautifully.

I'll take that.

You know, it really isn't healthy having all these memories of her cluttering

your apartment.

You know, I never felt freer than the day I threw out your father's horrible

golf shoes.

And it didn't hurt that he was in them at the time.

Just grab the elevator. I'm going to get my keys.

Sioux Falls, huh? I've never been to Nebraska.

Oh, actually, Sioux Falls is in South Dakota.

That doesn't change the fact that I've never been to Nebraska.

Hey, Tess.

Just take it easy.

This is Danielle, Ben's new neighbor.

New to the city, doesn't know a soul.

Benji, get out here.

Ben, Ben, this is your new neighbor, Danielle.

Oh, hello. Hi.

Why don't you help her with her box?

He's very strong.

We'll just hold the elevator.

Whoops.

Sorry about that.

It's okay.

It's not every day you get greeted in your hallway by a middle -aged man in

pajamas. It will be.

Who knows?

Man, I can't believe all the stuff they give you at these conferences. A watch,

DVDs, gift certificates.

I love medicine.

In the ER today, I held a guy's severed foot in my hand.

Too bad you didn't have these isotoner gloves.

So what, they just give you all this stuff for showing up? Pretty much. I

have to be on some panel, but nobody even goes to those things. They're too

getting massages and playing.

John Madden football.

Well, that's totally useless without the, I hate you.

Mom, when is this pestering going to stop?

When it always does. When you agree with me.

Coffee, please.

What's going on? Well, I met this girl today. Mom knows nothing about her, and

yet she wants me to ask her out. I like her. She sounds so hot, Ben.

I mean, honestly, this could be... Are you out of your mind? I was with Naomi

just a few months ago. Have you forgotten?

Well, we're trying to, darling, and so should you.

Look, you're never going to get over Naomi until you start seeing other

And this girl is perfect. She's right next door. Oh, wait a minute.

This girl lives in the building?

So what? No, no, no, no, no. Never date someone you can't avoid when the whole

thing goes sour.

That means no one at work, no one where you live.

Oh!

And no one at your favorite diner.

Ollie, we have to eat here. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Hey, Ben, could you grab that sugar there?

Thanks, Ben.

Oh, lady, for God's sake, put on some clothes.

So, Ollie, what's with the speech you're giving at the conference?

No, it's not a speech. It's just a panel of some Q &A.

Well, they're calling it a speech here.

Wednesday, 6 to 8 p .m., Dr. Oliver Barnes' keynote address. Let me see

No!

limited to the first 1 ,000 people.

That's not what we agreed to. That's not fair.

And that's not just coffee.

Hey. Hi, Dad.

What are you watching, game?

Yeah, game.

Guess who I met in the mail room?

Huh? That Danielle.

Dad? Oh, no, no, I know. You're not ready yet. I'm just talking way down the

road. Would you consider her?

Well, I guess, maybe.

Good.

Lose the wedding ring.

Are you kidding me? I knew that you wouldn't do it on your own, so I took

your magazines, put it in her mailbox, so she would drop it off.

Does anyone in this family listen to me?

Hi. Hi. I was just leaving.

Oh, bye.

Bye -bye.

Sorry, I dropped one of your magazines.

Oh, I wonder how that happened.

Your dad shoved it in my mailbox.

Wow, my apartment is a mirror image of yours. My kitchen is where your bedroom

is. I guess I better not sleep over at your place. I'd wake up to go to the

bathroom and tuck myself into your fridge.

Not that I'd sleep over at your place.

Why would I? I could just come back here.

Not that I'd be over there in the first place.

Especially at bedtime.

I guess I should...

Okay. Idiot.

Help me.

What are you doing here?

Look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, but can I come

Ben, I wanted to call you, but I felt so guilty and ashamed.

And your shirt's inside out.

I think we have more important things to discuss than my sweatshirt.

I know. I mean, I have been trying to figure out what happened between us, but

it's...

Ben, that's going to drive you crazy.

What?

Look, you want to know what happened?

You called and ended our marriage on an answering machine and then stole all the

furniture.

Look, okay, leaving was something I needed to do, but I didn't need to

so badly.

You know, it's just that this last year has been so crazy and backwards.

Well, how do you think my year's been? One minute I'm married, the next

minute... No, no, no, your shirt. It's backwards.

I'm sure he didn't come here just to chat.

What are you doing here?

Well, actually, you're going to laugh, but I was hoping that maybe I could

here.

Maybe not a ha -ha laugh.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I've moved on with my life, and I think that we should make a clean break.

Well, I mean, I wouldn't even ask. It's just that I just lost my place, and I

can't move into my new one for a few days. Can't you stay with Kathy and Dan?

No, they just rescued these lab monkeys. It's a tiny apartment, and they're up

all night shrieking at each other, which really upsets the monkeys.

I'll just find someplace else.

Look, uh, only because Oliver's at a conference.

You can stay a couple days, but my rules.

Guest room, three nights tops, and don't answer the phone because I don't want

anyone in my family to find out about this.

Yeah, I bet they really hate me now.

Well, hate's a strong word.

Not strong enough, but it'll do.

Thanks, Ben.

I see you stopped wearing your ring.

Oh, yeah, months ago. It was time.

You saw me take it off, didn't you? Yeah.

No, I'll just grab something on the way to work. Thanks.

Um, hey, what is up with that picture of Oliver in the bathroom wearing his

skimpy underwear?

Oh, actually, it's a bathing suit he bought in Greece.

It was a small victory just getting it off the fridge.

Oh, you know, by the way, do you have any, uh, flaxseed?

Last time I saw it, it was next to the wheat churn.

Hurtling down the garbage chute.

He can't know you're here.

Well, what should I do?

Stay here.

Hey, Ollie.

Hey. What are you doing back?

I've been up all night working on this damn speech.

Have you seen a blue folder?

Well, if you put things back where they belong. Yeah, yeah, spare me, Mom.

Just help me find it.

There, on the desk.

Okay, mission accomplished.

And I bet you're going to want to get back and rehearse. Actually, you know

what? Why don't I run it by you? I'll just grab some coffee first.

No. I'll get it.

Oh, my God.

Ollie, I'm gone for one day and you're back on the gerbil food?

Oh, I can't even stand the smell in here.

Okay,

so I thought I'd break the ice with a little joke.

Tell me what you think of this one.

I'll never forget my first day as a plastic surgeon.

I hadn't seen that many double chins since I got drunk in Chinatown.

Oh, my God.

Hilarious. Really?

I've got some other ones. No, you're good to go.

Now, you get back to that hotel and unwind.

That minibar's not going to empty itself.

Whoa. Hi.

Daddy. So, how did he like my chins joke?

Loved it. You know what? I'm just going to get the CD here on the... Oh,

actually, Dad, that's in my room. Hey, Ollie.

Why don't you come with us? You can try out that other joke. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let's see. I saw my first plastic surgery when I was 10. My dad cut up my

credit card.

No, I think I missed one here.

Stuart!

Stuart! Mom, honey! Oh, hi, honey. What are you doing here?

Your father was supposed to pick up Monty.

I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry. I forgot the puppy.

You know, I was so busy working on all this speech.

What's wrong with Monty?

Weird.

We must have rats. We should get the hell out of here.

What is going on with you?

Oh, well, I just... And, uh, who's this?

Actually, Danielle, right?

Yes. Danielle.

Well, thank God for that. You finally closed the book on Naomi and what a

dull read it was.

Anyway, if you guys would just excuse me. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

But wow, huh? I give one son a killer joke, the other one a girl, it's 10 a

and I am already father of the year.

Hey, how's work today? Great.

Ollie thinks he's so cool getting all that stuff for free.

Look what I got. Hey, cool, army man.

Yeah, yeah. Got it out of a kid's stomach.

What? You're a little neighbor girl. Come on, detail.

Oh, yeah, well, her name is Danielle.

She's blonde.

Really cute.

She's my neighbor.

Have you even met this girl?

Of course. We just haven't had much time for talking.

If you get my drift.

What's the matter with you? You're acting...

What smell?

It's like incense and patchouli. Really?

Oh, my God, it's Naomi.

Don't tell me you're back to save the planet, Janet.

I'm not.

I'm just letting her stay with me for a few days. Please don't tell everyone,

okay? Why are you doing this to yourself?

I'm not doing anything.

Look, ever since she left, you've been saying you're not ready to date, that

need more time.

I think you've just been keeping the door open for Naomi.

I do not want to get back together with her. And I know you.

You're romantic.

And that's a good thing.

Just be careful, okay?

I will.

There are selfish people in this world who think nothing of breaking somebody's

heart.

Oliver is going to make it impossible for us to eat here.

Actually, that one's on me.

I am on the beach scrubbing oil off its little feathers.

I hear footsteps.

I turn around and I am staring right in the eyes of the mama pelican.

And I have only seen that look once before.

Parents weekend when my mom walked in on us in my dorm room.

Yeah, except I didn't have to go straight to brunch with the pelican.

Hey, listen, dinner was great.

Oh, it was just a thank you for letting me stay here.

I've missed this.

Yeah, me too.

What was that?

I'm not sure.

Let's try again and pay more attention.

Wait.

Wait, what are we doing?

Are you telling me that you haven't been feeling something these last couple of

days? I don't know.

Maybe.

I'm beginning to think that maybe leaving was a mistake.

What are you saying?

Look, I know your brother's coming back tomorrow.

So what do you say we go away for a few days and we try and figure this out?

I mean, we could go to that little place in the Adirondack.

I don't know. Come on, we need this, Ben.

I mean, we used to have the best time there, didn't we?

Yeah, yeah, we did.

It'll be great.

And you know, it's so beautiful in here with the mountains and the lake.

Yeah, this time we should actually go out and see some of that stuff.

Oh, come on.

Hello?

They did what?

Okay, okay, calm down, Starfinder.

We'll get enough people down there to form a human fence. It'll be fine.

I'll start calling everyone.

What's going on?

Some bastards in Florida got approval to build on a wetland. They are going to

wipe out an entire nesting ground.

Oh, and we had our trip. But can we do that next week? I mean, the foliage will

be even prettier.

Yeah, sounds great.

I just got to make a couple of calls and find a seminal Indian who can cry on

cue.

Stuart, I'm here to pick up Monty, and I've been ringing your doorbell for 20

minutes. I know you're not in there fooling around with Crystal because you

would have answered the door 15 minutes ago.

I'm at Ben.

Mom. I'm sorry, darling, but your father... Oh, oh, am I interrupting

again? Yeah, this is not a good time.

Well, if it's not a good time, then you're doing it wrong.

See? I can be cool, Mom.

Yes, you're the coolest.

You don't get it, Dad.

I was booed off the stage.

I want to know how that joke is racist. There are Chinese people called Chin. It

is an indisputable fact.

Look, if you guys don't mind. Yes, yes, Benny has a little company.

Oh, the neighbor girl? Yes. I still say never date where you live. That's the

biggest mistake you can make.

Hey, Ben, dessert will be... No, that's the biggest mistake.

Oh, God. All right, I know you're all mad at me. Mad?

Why should I be mad? You rip out my son's heart and grind it under the heel

your little hemp booty?

Look, this is between me and Naomi.

Yes, Lydia, I was invited here. And before you judge anyone, how many

died to make you smell good today?

I know one that might die to make me feel good.

No, no. Ben is right. Ben is right. This is between them. However, how can you

treat our son like that and then come back and screw him on your belly?

Stuart, please let Ben handle this. However I ever catch you alone, you

sanctimonious little tree goat.

Okay. I swear to God. Okay, that's enough.

Now, look, I know you guys mean well, but this is my life. Now, please go. I

would like to be alone with Naomi.

Ben's right. Come on, Stuart.

Come on. Come on, let's go. Shane!

Stuart! Stuart!

These two.

I have never seen you stand up to your family

like that. I like it.

Yeah, I guess that changed a little in the past few months.

Yeah, look, I'm just going to go pack a few things for my trip tomorrow.

Actually, I packed for you while you were in the kitchen.

Oh, you're so sweet.

I'll just grab some stuff.

Oh, wow.

That's heavy.

You know, I'm going to be gone for a few days. You didn't have to pack

everything.

Actually, I did.

Oh.

Naomi, I admire what you're doing with your life, but I'm always going to come

in second with you.

I mean, I know that I'm not as important as saving the planet, but to my wife,

I'd like to think that I am.

Well, then I guess I should go.

I'll miss you, Ben.

Yeah, me too.

Is there a place to stay?

I think I can take one night at Dan and Kathy's.

Better the freaked out lab monkeys than another run -in with my mom.

Hello?

Hello? Oh,

did you just ring my bell?

No, I just... Dad?

Dad, we can see your shadow.