All language subtitles for Out of Practice s01e14 Hot Water

Nice. There's just the future Mrs.
Oliver Barnes.

Oh, my God.

That used to be the future Mrs. Regina
Barnes.

Really? Wow, nice.

So she threw a cell phone at my head.

Lesbians love to throw stuff.

It's why we're so dominant in softball.

Oh, good God, I dated that one, too.

I'd say what are the odds, but they're
not that low.

What could be worse than running into
two exes?

Or better.

Why do you care anyway? You've got Beth
now.

Beth too?

Yeah, you know when you get to that
point in a relationship when you realize

there's no future and you're in it
because you're hot, right?

And you sleep with her four or five more
times and then you break it off?

I love that you're such a guy.

Oh, we can't. Just grabbing a coffee,
meeting Dad, and we're going to head up

the cabin. We're going to miss you, pal.

Thanks, Mom and Dad are splitting the
week.

I'm stuck sleeping in late, watching
sports with Dad, while you lucky ducks

have Mom waking you up at dawn for
nature hikes and another thrilling tour

the maple syrup factory.

Ben, Ben, come on. Let's get going. We
want to get to the cabin before dark.

What? Oh, no, no, no, Mom. I'm going
with Dad.

No, no, no, no. Your father and I
switched.

I'm taking the first half of the week.
Didn't Ollie and Gina tell you?

Darn it! We totally forgot.

Oh, that's okay.

Here are the keys. Okay. Though Ben and
I will be long gone before your father

gets there with his girlfriend, Busty
the Snowman.

But, but, but, but I thought... I was
told just go limp, buddy.

Ben, come on. Let's get going. Those
winter birds aren't going to identify

themselves.

I don't know what it is, but something
about that little guy just makes me

smile.

Hey, Ollie, speaking of ex -girlfriends,
what happened to that cute blonde you

were seeing last month? Tricia?

Oh, that ended badly. I gave her a
birthday gift that I bought for an old

girlfriend. I forgot I'd had it
engraved.

Yeah, I couldn't convince her that Darla
was just Celtic for darling.

God.

Tricia was so great.

Sweet, funny, probably too good for me.

Oliver?

Oh, my God!

Trish, that's crazy!

Oh,

you got me!

Oh!

Look, I have to get back to work, but if
you want to walk me... You know what?

I would love that.

I'll just grab my coat. Okay.

You knew she was there, didn't you?

I saw a reflection in your water glass.

I'm not new at this.

Triple worth, or at this rate I'm going
to win back all those cookies you got

for me at Yachty.

It's not snowing that hard. I think we
can make it back to the city. You don't

want to be here when Dad and Chris will
get here, do you? No, there's no way

they're going to make it up here in this
storm. I mean, we skidded out three

times this morning on the way back from
cheesemaking class.

Ah, darling, your turn.

What's Remedieu?

Remedieu is a Belgian dessert cheese.

Were you paying no attention at all this
morning in class?

Well, if we're going to be stuck here, I
better get some more wood.

All right, if you put a coat on, you'll
freeze to death.

You think?

You're still here?

Hey. The radio said those roads were
impassable. How did you get here?

Well, I rented an SUV with snow chains.
Even so, we barely made it.

Now, honey, I know you don't know this,
but I can tell you now.

I practically had no control over that
vehicle.

I kind of got that when you went through
the fence and clipped that cow with

your side view mirror.

I just want to say that those roads are
a death trap. We are stuck here.

It'll be fun. It'll be like a big snowy
party.

A donner party.

I'm still feeling a little carsick. You
know, I had to keep the window open the

whole way here.

Oh, I hope it wasn't too windy in the
backseat, Oliver.

Well, my lips were getting a little
cracked and chapped, but then,

the wind blew them right off my face.

Uh,

Mom?

This is Tricia. Oh, nice to meet you,
Dr. Barnum. Hello, Tricia.

Tricia is a gifted pastry chef. She
doesn't even need to use any sugar. She

dips her little finger in the batter.

Three hours.

Darling, I thought you were bringing
that nice bet.

Yeah, well, we broke up. Oh, okay.
Please try to act surprised.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. Next time.

So, Olivia, can I help you get your
things out of the big bedroom?

And why would I be getting my things out
of the big bedroom?

Oh, so you don't mind if Crystal and I
take the room next to it? The one it

shares a very thin wall with?

Stuart, I brought up earplugs and
Valium. You could put a trapeze in there

wouldn't hear a thing.

Honey, let me show you the room. Are you
in the mood for top or bottom?

Still, I... Debunk base.

Oh, you know, I'm getting a little
hungry. Is your tummy grumbly, pooky

Maybe this will tide you over until
dinner, sweetheart. Oh, careful, the

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Oh, no, that's
okay, snuggle pants. It hurts so good.

Come on, let's unpack.

Hey, Regina, you coming up? No, but my
lunch is.

Oh, hey, Gina. Hey. Where's Beth? Oh,
God, I should put her in my freaking T

-shirt. We broke up, okay?

So you can only imagine how much I
enjoyed the ride up here with Ollie and

Tricia.

Tricia? Yeah, they ran into each other a
couple days ago. Now they're back

together. Oh, my God.

What? Uh, I might have kind of had a
little sex with her.

Keep up with Tricia.

What's all this?

Thanks, Gina.

Your brother's girlfriend?

It was after they broke up.

I was feeling down because it was my
wedding anniversary, she was still upset

about Oliver, and, well, we ran into
each other.

Pretty hard, apparently.

I never thought that they'd be together
again.

Well, they'd be together now.

Oh, this is lovely.

Now, this little party has a theme.

Awkward sex triangles.

Hey, Ben.

You remember Tricia?

Um, yeah. Hi, Tricia. Ben, hi.

I bet you're pretty surprised to see us
together again, huh?

Sure am.

You know, I could use some tea to warm
up. Okay. I'll show you where it is.

Hey, easy there, buddy. Don't go
stealing my gal.

What are you doing here? Well, Oliver
told me you'd be gone.

Well, I take it you didn't tell him what
happened. I wanted to, but we just got

back together, and I really want things
to work this time.

We made a mistake.

A terrible, terrible, terrible... Easy
with the terribles.

You know, I'll tell him when we get back
to the city.

Okay. Fine.

We can make it through one night.

How hard can that be?

Hey, the Scrabble board's out. You guys
up for a threesome?

You're going out in this weather?

We're just going to the door to get some
more wine.

Very icy. Isn't that dangerous?

Dangerous? We'll be trying to get
through this evening on only two

Well, we're just going to go check out
the lake. And we might make a snow

You make a snow angel simply by stepping
outside.

If we bring the sled, we can get a case.

See you guys.

Have fun.

Oh, can't believe I nearly lost that
one.

Ben, make me a promise.

If you ever get your hands on a girl
like Tricia, never let her go.

Here, I've outdone myself. Try my sloppy
joes. I've added hot sauce. Oh, God.

Oh,

no. Lip balm.

All right, I'm sure that...

The girl's brought chapstick. Oh, God,
how it burns.

I hope you brought it.

Oh, oh, oh. I'm tearing through
everything.

I think I have some in here. Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh.

So nice.

Oh, so, so nice.

What's that under your arm? Oh, I don't
know. Somebody's pregnancy test.

Oh, God.

Whose is it? I don't know. It was in one
of these bags, but I'm not sure which

one. Oh, man.

What if this is Tricia's?

Oh, God.

What's all the commotion? We found a
pregnancy test.

Well, whose is it? No idea.

Oh, God.

All right. Well, just put it back. I
don't know which bag it came from. It

doesn't matter. Just put it in anyone
and pretend you didn't find it. No, you

can't do that.

Oh, please don't let this be Tricia's.

Or Crystal's.

Or Tricia's.

Should we open it?

Why? Because maybe it's empty.

I mean, maybe whoever brought the box is
using it to carry something else like

medicine or candy.

Maybe it's full of candy.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't Crystal a little queasy earlier?

That was car sickness.

Okay, I'm just saying, Crystal's not
there. It could be a clue.

Wait a minute. Let's look at Trisha's,
huh? What about her clues?

All right? She was very emotional in
that car. She was trembling.

She was shivering from the cold because
your pregnant girlfriend had the window

open.

One of us is in a lot of trouble here,
Ollie.

Not necessarily. If it is Trisha's, we
broke up about a month and a half ago.

She could have been with someone else,
right, Ben?

Look, there's no point in freaking out
when we don't know whose it is, even

though I'm pretty sure it's Crystal's.

Thanks, brother.

Oh, I'm not cut out for this. I was not
meant to be a father.

You kids are just delights.

Hey.

Hey, how was your walk?

It's gorgeous out there.

Oh, guess what, sweetie?

We saw a little baby deer. It was so
cute. I just wanted to pick him up and

squeeze him.

Well, can't fight those maternal
instincts.

Is dinner almost ready?

I've been so hungry lately. All day, I
have been dying for french fries.

I don't know what it is.

It's a craving.

That's what it is.

I don't care what kind of mood you're
in. It was a baby deer.

Well, he had a dangerous glint in his
eye. And besides, that snowball barely

grazed him.

Am I still burning plastic?

Quick, tell your father to take his
girlfriend away from the open flame.

Regina, Regina, give him the open one.
Hey, Ollie, we should offer our guests

some wine. See who's drinking and who's
not.

Oh, right.

Good idea.

Ladies first.

Me, please. Get in line.

Crystal? Oh, um, no, not for me, thanks.
Yes!

More for us!

Honey, no wine?

I probably shouldn't. I'll have some.

That's my girl.

Here you go.

Well, I'm going to go check on dinner. I
have this sinking feeling I left a bun

in the oven.

I think we may be short on wine glasses.

Well, Ben, you and Ollie don't mind
sharing, do you?

Charming, Regina.

I'll get the glasses.

Hey, Story.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just imagining myself as a
snowflake blowing in the wind, free.

Me and my snowflake pals.

Uh -huh. And, uh, the snowflake pals of
yours, do they tell you to do things?

What I'm going to tell you now is going
to upset you, but you're the only person

I can confide in.

This afternoon, the boys found a
pregnancy test in the bathroom.

At first, we thought it was Tricia's,
but now I'm convinced that Crystal is

pregnant.

You laugh?

A person laughs at this?

When a person is picturing your 12 -year
-old son sticking his baseball cards

into the spokes of your wheelchair.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have told you.

I'm sorry. No, don't. I'm so sorry,
Stuart. But, you know, the timing really

couldn't be more perfect. I mean, he'll
be getting his driver's license just

when they're taking yours away.

Oh, damn my fertile loins.

Oh, come down.

Come down. It's not the end of the
world.

I mean, look, you are a very good father
to our kids, and you'll be a good

father again.

But, Lydia, you know, a baby, the
feedings, diapers.

Look on the bright side, Stuart.

You already get up three times a night.

And this is my aunt.

Oh, wow. She looks just like your mom.

They're twins. Twins run in our family.

Um, now that we're all here, I have an
announcement to make. You do? Everybody,

Crystal has an announcement. Quiet!

Quiet!

about this, and it's going to be a lot
of responsibility, especially in the

first year.

But I've seen how much joy it's brought
you and Lydia, and so

I'm getting a puppy.

A puppy?

Yes. You're not pregnant.

No. Why would I be pregnant?

Well, because from what you were just...
saying I thought that, I mean, it would

be a joy, you know, it's just that I
just, I love puppies.

I want to tell you something. I think I
need some fresh air. Oh, I'll come with

you. Um, you know, sir, you never
mentioned before having a baby. Does

you're considering, sir, you're walking
too fast.

Something wrong with your wine? You've
barely even touched it.

I only wanted a taste.

You can finish it if you like. No, it's
yours.

Yeah, drink up. It's a party.

What is it with you two?

Regina, could I see you in the kitchen?

I don't know. Maybe if you stood right
at the crack of the door.

Regina, come on. Hey, that's not funny.

What is the big deal?

Oh, this is horrible.

That Trisha girl is pregnant.

What? Do we know who the father is?
Well, given the way she's gone through

family -like pink eye, it's pretty much
up in the air, isn't it?

Oh, boy. I mean, I feel we should all
have a straw in our teeth and a banjo

playing in the background.

How do we know she's pregnant?

Well, it seems that they found a
pregnancy test in the bathroom. At first

thought it was crystal. Oh. But it's
mine, okay?

Look, and I can't tell you how thrilled
I am everyone's going through my stuff.

You know what? This trip just keeps
getting better and better.

Regina, you mean that... No!

Well, it's the point that you and
Beth... Hey, stop! Stop!

I can't deal with questions right now.
I'm going to go take a walk.

Such a beautiful cabin.

You must have loved coming up here.

Yeah.

Look, you two are obviously upset, and
we all know why. So let's just get it

in the open.

Oliver? It's true.

Oh, God.

I slept with Ben.

I don't believe this.

So this could be his baby?

What? That's why you're telling me I'm
not going to be a father. I'm going to

an uncle.

No, you're not. I'm going to be an
uncle. Uncle Ben.

It's already a thing.

Well, there's a new thing. No.

Father Ben. No. What baby?

There's no baby.

There's no baby? No.

The pregnancy test wasn't yours?

What pregnancy test?

That was crazy.

You slept with my girlfriend?

Hi. Hi.

Nice walk, honey?

Yeah.

Look, I'm thinking about having a baby.

I made an appointment next week to
discuss in vitro.

That's why I had the test.

I saw it at the drugstore on the way up,
and I thought, you know, what the hell,

I might need it.

Plus, I had a coupon.

Are you really sure you want to have a
baby by yourself?

Well, look, in a perfect world, no.

But I haven't had the best luck with
relationships recently, and, you know,

something I've wanted for a while.

Yeah, I know, bad idea, right? No, no,
no, no. No, no, no. It's not a bad idea.

I mean, having a baby is the most
wonderful thing you could ever do. I

when your father told me that he might
be having another child, I have to admit

that a part of me was a little bit
jealous.

The part of me that wasn't laughing its
ass off.

But, you know, I just don't want you
giving up on finding someone you can

this with.

Whatever you decide, your mother and I
completely support you. You're going to

be a great mom.

We're going to be great grandparents.

Just grandparents, Stuart. Don't make me
any older than I am.

This is really important.

You have plenty of time to find the
right person.

And whoever she is, she's going to be so
lucky when you find her.

You know, call me old -fashioned, but I
still think that a child deserves a

mother and a mother.

Thanks, guys.

Whatever I decide, there's one thing I
know.

You'll find out whether I want you to or
not.

Well, we tracked her up to the warming
hut, but... Found her!

How you doing?

Okay. How you guys doing?

Oh, he's angry with me.

I'm not angry. I get it.

Trisha and I had broken up. These things
happen.

So we're good?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Sleep tight.

Okay, come on, everybody.

What do you say we eat this dinner? We
can get to bed. And if we get up

well rested for sunrise, no yoga.

Regina, Regina.

Listen, if you want to get a head start
on this parenting thing... I'm not

taking your puppy, Dad.

Okay.

That's a triple letter score and 134
points.

Drids bag?

That's not a word.

Yes, it is. Use it in a sentence.

Oh, okay.

Um, I want to punch the drizz bag that's
left with my girlfriend.

Okay, 134.