Original subtitles

Te Tumu Whakaata Taonge

SCREEN AUSTRALIA

a FIREFLY FILMS and GOOD THING production

His guts are popping out of his arse.

Bruno please, I'm trying to write my presentation.

Okay.

I have a fleshy pen if you'd rather use that Laura?

No thanks.

Bruno I'm sorry but I have full blown thrush.

Wow even on our anniversary you choose thrush over sex.

How can I think about sex when my pants are full of yoghurt?

Okay well someone's got to get this party started.

God I hate parties.

NUDE TUESDAY

Adult nappies can be sexy...

...with black lacy trim and a saucy expanding thong...

Pippi, do you want the fat tube pasta?

Bruno! Does Pippi want the fat tube pasta?

Do you want the fat tube pasta Pippi?

We're the frickin' A team!

We're gonna party tonight! Who's the best Dada!?

I need you to get exactly what's on the list.

Okay girls, you are vibrant, you are warriors.

- Yes Mama. - Yes Mama.

- You stink Papa! - You stink Alice! You stink Pippi.

Laura.

Come here a sec.

Happy Anniversary.

Sorry, I've been such a busy bee.

I'm used to it.

Thank you.

Open the box.

Don't forget the list.

I'll make a sexy supper tonight.

My parents are coming.

Hello Naughty Naps are the...

Sexy answer.

Naughty Naps are the sexy answer to...

Pippi!

Unsightly lady leakage...

Lady leakage and soiling.

Could be a killer.

Hello.

Please tell the rude lady,

I really don't need

this crap from some bitter old witch!

Nude lady,

I don't need a crap on some

bitter old witch!

I have testicular cancer,

so chew on that!

I have tickle cancer so chew that!

Thank you.

Are the clients here?

Oh shit.

-You been getting my dick pic's Laura? - Oh yeah.

You really have to stop sending them.

Whatever, get in there.

I've left my flash cards in the car.

You don't need those, just improvise.

I can't, my mind freezes.

Just stick your tits and teeth out and get in there.

Thought you wanted this promotion?

Hurry up.

Okay.

Apologies, I'm sure this clever lady will make it worth the wait.

Thank you Laura.

Hello.

Sorry Kristof, I just need my throat spray,

one sec.

Sadly she suffers from overall dryness

Cheeky coffee?

Laura! Are you okay?

Yes fine, bit of a heavy period.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry Kristof.

Hello.

Naughty Naps allows my lover

to peel off my nappy, leaving no nasty surprises.

Naughty Naps...

Please Kristof!

...leave my gusset smelling

fresh, floral and fun...

For God's sake Laura...

So I can party...

Wash off that mess Laura!

You look like a homeless man!

I'm feeling great.

We all feel sick.

Okay

Sorry, so where were we? Fun gussets...

It's like seducing a woman,

ease her to the right, tease her to the left.

We're just looking for a toilet.

Could I just tempt you to a peep of the 'Beyoncé'.

She's a very sexy mixer tap and kettle in one...

Just a bit of fun.

My wife really needs a dump.

Hope your thingy's gone well Laura.

Could you call me about the list?

Goodbye.

Fish, fish, fish, fish.

Black eye beans, kidney beans, borlotti beans...

Typical, no fish in the fish aisle.

Why can't you pick up the phone Laura?

Jesus, Laura.

Hello I'm looking for this fish with Maxi Protein

apparently good for female yeast infections.

17 This is the beans aisle, mate.

Well your website says it's the fish aisle.

So unless you've been incorrectly stacking the Maxi Protein,

this is where I should find the Maxi Protein fish.

What?

Please help me find the fish with the...

...MAXI PROTEIN.

It's a fish that enjoys eating female fungus

with a boosting ingredient called Maxi Protein!.

There you go.

This? You're saying this will eat away my wife's thrush?

Might do.

Thank you.

Pippi pass the fairy ribbon.

My pleasure.

Thanks.

Can I help you sir?

Get fucked!

You want everything on the list Laura?

Well I'll give you the whole fucking lot and let's see if we can't

burn through that thrush.

What the hell's going on here?

What's going on here?

I asked for assistance because I thought this was a supermarket.

But turns out the staff are all lobotomised.

I will have to ask you to leave Sir!

I won't be spoken to like that.

Then let me speak to you like this!

Okay okay, cool your jets.

Where in God's name is your father?

Hello.

Where have you been?

Oh, I went to the pub.

But you said you were cooking dinner.

Yeah well maybe I'm sick of my life?

We're all sick of our lives!

Okay Laura, it's not a competition.

I've had a stressful presentation

and you expect me to come home and cook dinner?

So my work doesn't count?

How hard is it to sell a tap Bruno?

Happy anniversary four eyes! - Get fucked!

Your mother and I are actually very happy.

Hi Mum, hi Dad.

Hi Laura.

You remembered I've gone vegetarian?

Yes I've done a veggie lucky dip.

Oh gosh, sounds scary.

I've brought my own sausages.

Hey there Mama!

Happy Anniversary!

- Hello Laura. - Hello.

Puppy's on heat.

To Bruno and Laura.

Eyes everybody or it's bad luck.

For you.

Oh thank you.

Pippi give yours to Papa.

Would you like to see it?

Oh it's beautiful.

CA- It's a seahorse. I have a matching one Laura.

Thank you.

Laura please spend this on yourself,

maybe buy some makeup.

Thanks Dad, thanks Mum.

I've got a little surprise that's actually for both of you.

Thanks Mum.

What is it?

Okay.

"Wonderla Retreat"

Oh wow.

Grandma says it's a sexy present.

It's a retreat for couples who no longer 'rumble in the jungle'.

I heard about this from John and Joan Stone.

Didn't they divorce?

Okay, sorry for trying to help.

I'm sick to death of being the old widow punchbag!

No Mum, it's a wonderful idea.

We'd love to go, right Laura?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Absolute nightmare.

Why stick her nose in our marriage?

She never got over losing Dad.

Well she shouldn't have run him over should she?

Laura.

What happened to your shirt?

What the hell is this?

I was going to tell you.

- Why hide it? - It's nothing Bruno.

Let me see your wrist.

I accidentally...

Stop grabbing me!

Did you try and take your own life?

How can you even ask me that?

Surely I deserve to know if you're suicidal?!

I smashed a window in the car alright?!

Coming.

Is it nice to eat night cake?

Yeah.

Mama.

The girls want us to go.

You have arrived at your destination.

I hope your yoghurt hasn't leaked all over my boxers.

I don't want my pants to smell rancid.

Very short and the end was shaped like a hammer.

Poor guy, still it did the job.

Twice.

We enjoyed it though didn't we Mr Fluffyboots?

- Is this definitely the right place? Yes.

Gotta go Mum.

How can I help?

We're just checking in, Laura and Bruno.

This is our booking slip.

Please report to reception Louis.

We've got fresh blood in the office.

Three spirit stones, please choose according to gut instinct.

Blue.

I can always smell a blue.

A learning sash for my gentleman and an adventure sash for our gal.

Two more victims.

Louis love, can you do the honours?

Thank you.

Shall we go?

Thanks. - Thanks.

So the fruity lady's your Mum?

Oh I hope not, we made love last night.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

They must pump freely.

Same goes for our genitals,

let them not be taken hostage by our partners.

Black shiny one goes in here and...

Oh my God it's him!

- Who? - From the supermarket.

Hey Louis.

Hey lovelies.

So I'll leave these with you.

Goodnight, goodbye and goodnight.

Goodnight.

Thank you.

Definitely an orgy.

He's demanding all kinds of sucking and swallowing.

They're probably just having a fun dinner...

Don't you want to know what they're doing?

No.

What are we supposed to do, go in there and offer up our bottoms?

- How's it looking? - Yeah okay.

Everyone will think you tried to kill yourself.

Why do you keep saying that?

Just don't want people to think it's my fault.

Jesus! This is meant to be a place of reflection!

Calm down Bruno.

Sounds like they're sacrificing somebody now!

Well that's their business.

Did you pack my earplugs?

Okay.

Laura! Laura!

Huh?

It's supermarket man!

Stop staring.

Full of themselves.

Good luck.

Why does he need that?

It's Bjorg Rasmussen.

He has a false throat.

Have you not seen his website?

No, that's remarkable.

Soul miners.

Sex voyagers.

Let's start our morning with a

post climactic breath.

Sitting naked this morning in the treetops,

my body calm from lovemaking,

my penis still long,

but weary,

yet always packed with new goodies,

I pondered my wife's suicide.

My fault? Her note said...

Yep. Too much sex.

Oh sorry, I like sex.

Can't help being good at sex.

Last night we practised

your exercise, the "Busy Mole",

and Alexander managed to get his whole nose up my anus!

Okay, lovely stuff.

So let's now delve into our emotional pots

and explore ourselves with the Spirit Girls.

Blue.

Dicing or cubing is fine.

What is it?

We need to sit with them so I can sort this out.

No please don't.

Hello.

Hello.

Do you recognise this?

Oh the mental guy!

This is him babe! From the supermarket.

Rufus!

Sorry, sorry.

Just a bit of fun.

It's not fun.

You know you brought on my...

...worst ever psoriasis flare up!

Me? You were the one throwing cans at my head!

Seriously babe he was like a gorilla on a comedown.

Stop it, he looks a bit teary.

Let's go Laura.

Poor guy, probably just needs a good shag.

We all have trapped trauma.

Release the beast.

Good Stefan. Good Rufus.

The Moosemen.

Let the trauma bubble.

What am I meant to be doing?

Life is just a disco of sensations.

Let your body loose.

Really go to town.

Yes touch those boobs.

Stroke them.

I'm a horny Cobra.

What are you doing?

They'll make you have sex with them Bruno.

Who's scared?

I'm an eagle pimp with a bit of a grudge!

Julie is my hot kestrel hooker.

It's good to bleed.

- I feel like I'm 15 again. Me too!

We should go in.

Angel breath.

Dog breath.

Angel breath.

Dog breath.

No! Stay focused please.

Bruno, imagine Laura is a young Brigitte Bardot

and ask if you can touch her in a

special place?

Laura can I touch you in a special place?

Yes.

Laura, Bruno is Tom Selleck, present day.

Bruno can I touch you in a special place?

Yes.

Bruno,

please sit down.

Watch me.

I vibrate on your frequency, together we tremble.

Are you ready for me?

Yes please.

She's hit Maximum Arousal.

Bjorg, may I touch you somewhere special?

Your yoni's twitching.

It is.

And I've biggened. You've biggened my mister.

Okay, okay thank you Bjorg.

I get it now.

-Thank you Laura. -Thank you Bjorg.

Bruno.

Little Man.

Broken!

Dog breath.

Angel breath.

Broken man, here we go.

Okay.

A faint heartbeat,

like an elderly mouse.

Stop it.

Stop it?

Yes stop it.

Little Man's not ready.

Okay.

Laura I'm going to leave now if you'd care to join me.

See you later. Okay, later.

A toddler with a moustache.

Oh well.

I want you to read this tonight.

It's my latest book "The Toothy Vulva".

Oh, it looks interesting.

I like it.

Thank you Bjorg.

Thank you Laura.

Later.

Hungry!

So you cheated on all of your boyfriends?

Yeah cos I thought I could do better.

Oh dear, so what happened?

I realised I was just cheating myself.

Oh yeah.

I have with me my accomplished co-host, Freddy.

What's that Freddy?

Teach me how to make love Bjorg.

Okay, okay.

We learn truly poetic lovemaking through the language of

breath, sound and ecstatic touch.

Ok, Louis bring in our first erotic guide please.

Prepare to learn from the Master.

The feathery gigolo.

Oh, our lesbian potters.

Enjoy some cock.

Goodbye, good luck.

Louis our next instructor.

She's a bit shy...

Oh she wants us!

Goodnight.

3141

Louis, go hard or go home.

Introducing...

Oh Laura, your favourite animal.

The hipster.

He's taking us.

Go party guys.

Later.

The goat has been lumped with Bruno the brat.

What shall we call him, Frederick?

Yeah.

Or Frank?

Fritz.

Fritz yeah.

Come on.

You knocked me!

No I didn't!

With your pointy elbow.

Is this about my so called flirting?!

It's disgusting!

Fuck you!

Everyone's so bored of your anecdotes! No one cares!

Dianne!

Boring cunt!

Your sister tried to fuck me!

This morning we're moving round to our front body yeah?

Working with our fruity bits and conkers yeah?

With your fingers just dance...

...around your tinglies.

Have fun with your tingly.

So lets take our hands and hold our tinglies.

Feels funky?

Mine's roaring.

Trina?

Feels happy

My tingly's hot and itchy.

My area feels dead but ready to be resurrected.

Okay yeah.

Mine feels sleepy.

Sleepy.

Only you can awaken your tingly.

So let's turn to the person on our right yeah and ask

if f you can touch their tingly and if they say yes...

...touch their tingly.

Can I cup your tingly?

Yes.

Can I touch your tingly?

Can I pat your tingly Julie?

Yes Laura.

Thank you.

For years I used an ordinary cafetiere but

then I tried the AeroPress and wow...

- Twat! - Alexander throw it!

Piggy Bitch!

Go Dianne hurl it back!

Thimble dick!

Flappy tits!

Your breath smells like dog farts!

You look like your Mum when you cum!

I hate you!

Very nice.

-No! -You were too busy talking.

I'm going to the studio.

Chop chop.

Bruno, chop chop.

You can finish your toast in the studio.

Welcome.

Some of you here are very flabby...

...emotionally fat and constipated.

Today we need to pass those big negative stools

because right now many of you are just letting out

long stinky farts.

We must release our shadow side...

Shall we take a condom?

We don't need condoms.

They might have diseases.

As if we're having sex with other people.

That which we resist, persists.

So let's birth our,

brown bottom babies.

Any questions?

Is this still metaphorical?

I hope so!

I'm not planning to defecate. I did one before lunch so...

Another question?

I've been reading 'The Toothy Vulva'.

You write about "an old lady's dentures".

How did they get lodged down there Bjorg?

So metaphors....

Does the vulva really have teeth?

In the case of the old lady...

We see a woman so desperate for intimacy,

she imagines her dentures to be those of a handsome young soldier

pleasuring her with such voracity

he loses his teeth inside her shrivelled old labia.

Thanks Bjorg.

Is that a piece of toast?

You're hiding toast?

Toast?

You're munching toast in my studio?

No.

You're banning toast?

Give it up.

Hand the man the toast.

Jesus I didn't get any lunch and...

Stop bleating on about your shitty toast in my studio.

Fuck off!

Now there's bad energy in the studio.

What a big fuss.

Oh hello.

Sorry.

Have a good one.

Yeah, firm but bouncy.

Stay, don't watch.

Is this foreplay?

Should be pleasant doing it here.

If we follow Bjorg's advice,

we should slowly peel off...

Can we not include Bjorg in our intercourse.

Okay.

But I want to feel wooed.

Wooed?

Yeah.

Okay.

So...

Angel breath.

Dog breath.

Do we have to narrate the breathing?

And...

And...

Are you ready?

Okay.

Wow.

Why do you always stop?

I don't.

When I get into it, you shut down.

You're clearly wishing it was Bjorg!

Now I wish it was Bjorg, yeah!

Just as I thought.

Why do you make everything so hard?

Oh I make everything hard?

Remember you're the one that had the affair Laura.

You had the affair!

Don't forget that you're the one who ruined us!

Yeah.

I thought we agreed to move on.

How was it for you darling?

I wish we could elope.

You just get me.

Bruno!

Stay there.

Bruno?

Bruno?

Sorry.

Definitely not Bruno.

Bruno?

Bruno?

What's wrong with me?

Shall we go and say hello to Bjorg?

Okay.

You're finding comfort in the goat?

Yeah, he's a good listener.

I feel a strain upon my rod,

my mouth is wet for trout or cod.

My hook plunges your flappy hole,

breathless lass, spinning on my pole.

My rod springs north when 'twas just south.

I wriggle my hook in your sticky mouth.

Your bosom heaving, your gullet wide.

I slam you down, your body writhes.

I prise you open,

taste your flesh.

You feel so good and really fresh.

You fill me up,

but keep me slim.

Feels like I've been at the gym.

Wow, that's so beautiful.

Yeah, I love to rhyme by water.

Oh, this is a big boy.

Catch.

You can slay him.

Don't you ever feel guilty for killing the fish?

Transforming.

Yeah but wouldn't it be more relaxing to just eat vegetables.

But Laura,

you strike me as a woman who likes a big hunt.

Thank you.

Come.

Please end him.

No.

You're a wildcat?!

I like that.

My fingers stink.

What to do?

It's scaly.

Can I join you?

Yes.

Your tongue is naughty.

These are rather fiddly.

Sorry they're so small.

Very small.

Everything going well with Bruno?

Yeah Bruno is loving the breathing exercises.

Do you need to take that?

It'll just be Hans again.

We've been playing phone tag, but I'd rather play willy tag.

I'm going to just pause for a second.

You can keep doing that, but faster...

Hans.

Did my poncho come?

In the russet weave?

Really?

No I said I want more gold flecks woven in.

You can stop now.

It was good.

But I paid for the bespoke version.

Well I need a much bigger hood.

No, no, much more pointy.

Cos it's just more manly!

No I want it now!

Just feels sexier.

Well I know Bono had one,

with the pointy red hood.

Exactly.

Made him much taller, taller.

Oh Laura...

All is cool?

Haven't heard from her thank God.

No Hans, that was never proven.

Fritz?

Oh shit.

Fritz?

Men are from Mars,

the greatest planet in our solar system.

Home of Olympus Mons.

A volcano. It's red and it's hard,

and sometimes it needs to ERUPT!

WE...

We must not repress our ape selves.

Let him rage.

Free him!

We will not stay trapped at the back of the zoo,

bald and fat,

throwing our faeces at each other.

Feel the magma!

Breasts to the sky.

Hi Laura.

Oh I'm just looking...

Let it out you apes!

My cock is King!

I'm coming! We're coming!

I never felt so male!

I finally have a tool to manage my stress and my anger.

You just go...

- And then you just feel sexy and chill. -I've lost Fritz.

How the fuck could you lose Fritz?!

Literally how?

One moment.

It's actually not such a big deal.

I feel really chilled and confident he'll come back,

when he's good and ready.

Oh yeah?

It's a bonafide breakthrough. I feel I could take on anything now Laura.

This suitcase feels so last year, full of pointless baggage.

Your earplugs my love.

I don't need to shut anything out anymore.

You might want to give them a little dust off.

I'm in love with Bjorg.

Huh?

I've fallen in love with Bjorg.

Is this a joke? You can't be in love with Bjorg.

You must have seen it building? And then I rubbed his penis at the lake.

Did he ejaculate?

Yeah, but just a tiny bit...

Stop right there.

I'm trying to work on our marriage, and you're off merrily yanking Bjorg's dick?

It was just a dribble.

FUCK YOU!

Bruno.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to live my truth.

Bruno!

Slut.

Nun laughing.

King laughing.

Clown laughing.

Clown laughing!

Shut up.

Fucking psycho.

Not in "Shits 'n Giggles".

I'm so disappointed.

I would've expected more from you two.

Grown men.

Sorry?

Yes miss.

Well you should be.

Right, you're going on a journey,

from here,

to here.

Map,

and beefsticks.

And don't fight!

Go!

Are we close?

No.

I spy with my little eye,

something beginning with...

...with P.

Penis. It's you.

Good job.

My little friends.

I know, but Mum I never said it was over.

So I think you asking to see it was quite inappropriate.

Yes it's more of a fossil hammer.

What can I do you for?

I need to move out of my cabin.

Oh why's that?

I've had sexual relations with Bjorg.

Oh God help us.

Yeah.

You're not the first.

Bjorg, it's Margaret.

I'm in a meeting.

You need to make room in your cabin.

Why? What for?

Laura.

Just a couple of nights.

She says she's had sexual relations with you.

You don't need to tell him that.

You'll need to consult directly with Bjorg.

Thank you Margaret.

Thank you.

Pull it hard.

Laura, you look awful.

Is this a bad time?

No just listening to my album, "The Weepy Jester".

Mindblowing huh?

Please sit.

Have you had the pleasure of Alexander?

You'll notice he has long, exciting toes.

- Hey Laura. - Hey Alexander.

Oh hello Laura.

I need another poop.

Seriously?

Just give me the toilet roll.

Thanks.

That's really arousing my colon.

Laura.

All is cool?

Yeah.

Guess this is it.

Home sweet home.

It's such a cute little place.

I wonder what they're expecting us to do here?

Someone's been knitting.

Rufus, don't wave that thing around.

So rad.

Shall we have our beefsticks?

Okay.

Have you lost them?

No.

Margaret gave us two beefsticks so where are they?

Rufus don't bust my balls about some manky old dog chews.

I have empty pockets and my blood sugar's crashing!

I'm sure your body doesn't need another beefstick.

Don't body shame me!

Always the victim!

Grow up Rufus! GROW UP!

In here?

You lying little shit!

Oh I'm so sorry I ate your precious little doggy chew!

It's loaded you know.

So why don't you kill me?

I bloody should!

Or shall I shoot myself?

No one would fucking care!

Nobody needs me.

I'm just a broken little man.

I'm sure that's not true.

You're nearly 5 foot 6.

No, I'm a useless man.

I made Laura marry me.

Please put the gun down.

Please.

It's empty.

Kind of empty.

It's okay.

I've got you.

This tea tastes really weird.

It's just a herbal one.

Never liked herbal tea.

Well it's settling my tummy.

Fritz?

Fritz.

Welcome to my cathedral!

Oh Fritz, you Romeo.

Fritz!

I've found you my little Fritz!

There's a boy!

There's a boy in a pie!

Hello!

Hello ginger boy.

Bruno.

My God, your name is Bruno!?

Bruno.

I am also called Bruno.

Bruno.

Can I join you in the pie?

Yes.

It looks delicious.

Help me.

Okay I'm coming for a swim.

I'm a world champion.

Okay.

If the mozzarella's long enough?

You like cheese?

So yellow.

Grab it.

Now climb up.

Where is God when you need him?

I'm sending my long thing.

Take my long hand.

See my pipes?

Grab my hand pipes.

Pipes coming down.

Coming down.

Hello, do you feel okay?

They want us to come back Ginger Biscuit.

Okay.

I've got you.

Bruno?

Laura!

You've found our Fritz!?

And I've found my son!

That's not your son,

that's a log.

Fritz!

Oh shit.

To Fritz!

To Fritz.

Would you like a little taste?

It's okay to eat him darling.

He's quite a picky eater.

It's been a big day for us.

Sorry Laura.

Bless you Rufus.

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

I'm sorry I hurt you Bruno.

I have a note for you.

I'm sick of the rejections and apologies Laura.

I'm tired of being the broken man.

I just want to strike out solo.

I've made some really bad choices yeah?

Okay but...

...I just feel like we're moving in different directions.

Can't we talk things through?

No I'm done talking.

And it's well past Ginger Biscuit's bedtime.

You want to sleep with Dada tonight?

Bedtime for Boo.

You're such a special boy.

Do you want a story?

Okay no wriggling.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

What happened to my life?

Hello.

Hello Julie.

Why aren't you nude?

Should I be nude?

Yeah it's rude not to be nude when it's Nude Tuesday.

Nude Tuesday?

But what about people who have thrush?

There's lots of thrush and itchy willies but,

it's not a biggie.

The wind can really blast things out.

Okay.

Yeah.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Dear Bruno.

I've made some terrible mistakes but...

...marrying you and having our beautiful girls,

wasn't one of them.

Giving Bjorg a handjob maybe was...

...as was the Christmas anal fling

with my idiot boss.

I'm so sorry, but I realise,

I need to be alone.

To somehow get to know myself.

Love you,

Laura.

- Hello. - Hello.

Nadine, what are you doing here?

I've had enough, Bjorg enough!

Enough? This is not good timing.

Do you think that's his wife?

I thought she was dead?

This is a big day for me!

Stop! Stop!

Stop wobbling your floppy old dick at me.

Come on darling.

Hi Philippe.

So where's my money?

It's complex, I've invested it with Hans.

Not more bloody ponchos!? - Don't make a scene.

You look after him.

You gonna have a lovely time with Daddy.

I'm leading a sacred baptism Nadine.

I couldn't give a fuck.

Such negative arrows.

Hi Philippe.

I'd like to introduce my friend, Philippe.

Hi Philippe.

Say hello.

Hello!

Hello!

Take a seat.

Are they off-brand Timberlands?

Yeah a Christmas present from my boss

Thank you.

Where's everyone gone?

To the final ceremony.

Why are you so nude?

It's Nude Tuesday.

Well where are they? I need to speak to Laura!

The coach is about to leave for Mount Bartell.

Okay.

Thanks.

Margaret, the coach has gone.

Could you possibly drive me?

If you make love to me.

Margaret, please!.

Oh God.

Okay.

You can get your kit off.

Okay.

Sexy boots

and a hat.

Might you consider going just a smidge faster Louis?

I don't have my licence Bruno

and I've just had some ketamine

so strap in.

You'll need to take your clothes off.

Why?

So the wind can buffet our bodies.

I'm not going on your paedophile hike.

Sickos.

I'm calling the police.

Herald the Goddess Mambutite.

Hear her cries?

Let us ascend our wild mistress.

Finnius can you feel Mambutite?

Okay? Of course I am.

Bruno not coming?

Oh no, we're not together anymore.

Where is everyone?

Gone thank God.

How far is it?

Dunno.

See you later Louis!

Shine on crazy diamond!

Mambutite!

Tear open our hearts...

so we may receive...

...so we may receive...

...your sacred healing.

...your sacred healing.

In your icy womb...

In your icy womb...

..bestow your deepest truths.

I'm terrified.

I've got vodka.

Here on the brink

of our collective soul journey,

ready to enter and submit,

our entire bodies,

eager to be truly reborn

as I have,

already done.

So be brave.

Don't be frightened of the ice pool.

Finnius, you go first please.

I'm afraid I've had another IBS flare up.

Finnius.

I thought we discussed this.

But my tummy's really bubbly.

So fart.

- But I... - Fart it.

You're bullying me again.

You disgust me.

Julie, lioness, ready for the ice pool?

No thanks.

Laura!

Bruno!

You're fucking LATE!

Thanks for that.

The rude toddler.

Laura?

You feel like a dip?

You've always been a willing participant.

I'm sure we're all happy to learn from a true leader

so if that person is you, jump in Bjorg.

Yeah.

I'm cool with that.

Judas Julie.

It's good.

I'm already baptised so don't need to go under.

And my penis actually gets bigger in the Ice Pool.

All of you should be IN THE ICE POOL!

YOU WILL ALL FAIL IF YOU DON'T GET IN MY ICE POOL

Oh that's good, really quite warm.

There we are.

Judas Julie.

Finnius.

Wondering why your lives haven't worked out?

Because you're lazy pussies!

Shall we just do an icy sprinkle?

Yeah that should do it.

Fuck this, let's go get coffee.

I want a big, naughty hot chocolate.

Quick, in case he comes back.

Everyone looks so beautiful.

I read your note.

I was hoping you would.

It was beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm so pleased we want the same thing Bruno.

Like Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow,

we can consciously uncouple.

Yesa

I'm wondering if maybe I have feelings for Rufus...

I guess I've got a lot to unscramble.

Yes.

Shall we go have a coffee with our new friends?

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EXTRAS

EXTRAS GRACE GREANEY, SAMANTHA RATCLIFFE, ANDREA BANGERO, MIA PALAO, BEAU JOHNSTONE, CORALIE OWENS,

GRACE GREANEY, SAMANTHA RATCLIFFE, ANDREA BANGERO, MIA PALAO, BEAU JOHNSTONE, CORALIE OWENS, YUN LEE CLELAND, MARTIN FINKEL, LEROY JACK, CÉCILE JACQUIN, DEE PINOMI, SHANNON BARRINGTON,

GRACE GREANEY, SAMANTHA RATCLIFFE, ANDREA BANGERO, MIA PALAO, BEAU JOHNSTONE, CORALIE OWENS, YUN LEE CLELAND, MARTIN FINKEL, LEROY JACK, CÉCILE JACQUIN, DEE PINOMI, SHANNON BARRINGTON, ADAM BROWN, ROWAN JOHNSTON, YOSHIYUKI KAWAHARA, ANDREW LAING, WILLIAM MALPASS, FIONA MUNDAY,

BRONWYN AUSTIN, LIZ KRUSE, PAMELA KAVAL WILDING, DALLAS TIPAU, STUART TOMLINSON, ROSEMARY COSTER, DELILAH GOW, MAUREEN NGALU, BESS FAIRFAX, JAYSHANT KUMAR, JANA CACHOLA, ABIGAIL LEE, RICH CLARKE, JOSHUA HARRIS, KATHLEEN GREER, EMMA MCSHANE, WILLIAM HAWSWORTH, SARAY TORRES DE RIDDELL, GINA COLEMAN

DELILAH GOW, MAUREEN NGALU, BESS FAIRFAX, JAYSHANT KUMAR, JANA CACHOLA, ABIGAIL LEE, RICH CLARKE, JOSHUA HARRIS, KATHLEEN GREER, EMMA MCSHANE, WILLIAM HAWSWORTH, SARAY TORRES DE RIDDELL, GINA COLEMAN

SPECIAL THANKS TO ANNABELLE SHEEHAN, AARON KOTLER, KYLE SAULINER, JUDITH WESTON, TAIKA WAITITI, TOM EAGLES,

SPECIAL THANKS TO ANNABELLE SHEEHAN, AARON KOTLER, KYLE SAULINER, JUDITH WESTON, TAIKA WAITITI, TOM EAGLES, ALESIA WESTON, MICHAEL GOLDENBERG, CUTLET, GAVIN WALLACE, YVETTE REID, AMY CASSIDY, CASS CASSIDY,

LEON WOODS, DAVINA WOODS, ERIK ANDERSON, ERIN LALLY, ANNA LEDWICH BACK COUNTRY HELICOPTERS, GOODGERS HOUSE, THE WONDERLAND STAFF AND THE COMMUNITY OF MAKARORA!

BACK COUNTRY HELICOPTERS, GOODGERS HOUSE, THE WONDERLAND STAFF AND THE COMMUNITY OF MAKARORA!

NEW ZEALAND FILM COMMISSION CEO DAVID STRONG

NEW ZEALAND FILM COMMISSION CEO DAVID STRONG COO MLADEN IVANCIC

SCREEN AUSTRALIA

SCREEN AUSTRALIA CEO GRAEME MASON

Thank you to Shana Levine and Donna Chang

FILM VICTORIA

NEW ZEALAND/AUSTRALASIAN DISTRIBUTION BY MADMAN ENTERTAINMENT

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INTERNATIONAL SALES BY CORNERSTONE

INTERNATIONAL SALES BY CORNERSTONE Director of International Sales CARLA QUARTO DI PALO

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The Filmmakers would like to thank our wonderful cast and crew and their families

The Filmmakers would like to thank our wonderful cast and crew and their families JON, CARMEN, AND IRIS RAY BAXTER AND KEITH AND CHRISTINE BALLANTYNE

JON, CARMEN, AND IRIS RAY BAXTER AND KEITH AND CHRISTINE BALLANTYNE JESSE GRIFFIN, JUNE, EMMETT AND CASSIE VAN GRIFFIN SPOTTY, GRACE, LEVI, GEORGE KATIE, FRED AND GEORGE BATZIAS, DUNCAN, DAVIDA AND SARAH WHITWELL

JESSE GRIFFIN, JUNE, EMMETT AND CASSIE VAN GRIFFIN SPOTTY, GRACE, LEVI, GEORGE KATIE, FRED AND GEORGE BATZIAS, DUNCAN, DAVIDA AND SARAH WHITWELL

Filmed on location in Auckland and Makarora New Zealand WONDERLAND MAKARORA LODGE

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Development assistance from the New Zealand Film Commission

Development assistance from the New Zealand Film Commission Developed with support from Script to Screen

Developed with support from Script to Screen

The filmmakers acknowledge the assistance of the New Zealand Government's Screen Production Grant

The filmmakers acknowledge the assistance of the New Zealand Government's Screen Production Grant This film was completed with the assistance of the New Zealand Government's Screen Production Recovery Fund

The filmmakers acknowledge the assistance of the New Zealand Government's Screen Production Grant

No animals were harmed in the making of this film The events and characters depicted in this motion picture are fictitious Similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental

The events and characters depicted in this motion picture are fictitious Similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental

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