Original subtitles

Who do you think, Mom? The 12 -pound or the 16 -pound?

I think I want to go out to dinner.

Out to dinner?

It's Thanksgiving.

We never go out to dinner on Thanksgiving.

We always make a turkey on Thanksgiving. And we stay in our pajamas and watch

the football games and parades until just before the guests arrive.

And the house fills up with that smell. I mean, that's what we do. We have to do

that. Fine, darling. It was just an idea.

Never let it be said I denied you a smell.

And besides, what about Uncle Roger and Aunt Ruth?

If you don't have Thanksgiving, where will Uncle Roger go to cook his young

surprise? Ooh, good.

And what about Aunt Ruth?

Where will she find a piano so she can sing those creepy Neil Diamond songs?

I mean, come on, Mom. It's Thanksgiving. You're supposed to be thinking of

others. You're right.

Will you ever forgive me?

Oh, by the way, Roger is coming, but there won't be any crackling Rosie this

year.

Ruth has gone to visit Amanda at school in England.

You see? Already there's stuff to be thankful for.

Wow!

This is what I'm talking about! This is great! A virtual cornucopia nut!

What are you doing?

Putting them back.

Why? I thought we agreed we were celebrating Thanksgiving at home just

do every year. And every year you make your famous spicy pecans. And you can't

make famous spicy pecans without raw, unspicy pecans.

Heather, you know as well as I do, nobody ate the spicy pecans except your

father. I didn't eat them.

You didn't eat them.

None of our guests ate them.

So there really is no point to...

Sure.

Mr.

Wiseman, before I take off, I need to talk to you about tomorrow.

Talk.

You know that technically I'm a federal employee.

For that matter, almost everyone connected with this project is a federal

employee.

Where are you heading here?

Did the government fail? Am I on my own?

Where will I get my bulger wheat?

And as it happens, tomorrow is a federal holiday.

No kidding.

No kidding.

Thanksgiving. Yeah, Thanksgiving.

The thing is, I can't be here tomorrow.

Right. Of course.

I'll be spending the day having dinner at the home of my sister.

You have a sister?

Yes.

Incredible, isn't it?

Well, I don't particularly like what I'm about to tell you, Mr. Wiseman.

In fact, it's fair to say it goes against everything I believe to be in

interest of this project.

But union rules and federal law have conspired against me.

I'm going to get time and a half for overtime?

No.

You'll be joining me, my sister, her husband, my niece, my nephew, and my

grandma Pearl for Thanksgiving.

It'll be dressed and ready to go by noon.

Shirt, tie, jacket.

Should I bring my last report card to show everybody?

As with anything else, Mr. Wiseman, there are rules governing this

My sister knows I work for the government.

She does not, of course, know anything about the specific nature of my work or

about you.

You will be introduced as my associate, Mr.

Newman.

You will do what I tell you. You will eat what I tell you.

And most importantly, you will not eat those things I forbid.

And, of course, you will say nothing about the nature of our work or about

real identity.

Is that clear?

Oh, yes.

If you staff my Grandma Pearl tomorrow, I will personally open up the stitches

in the back of your skull and pull whatever's left of your personality out.

Do you understand me?

I'll make you proud, Doc.

You'd better.

Now and again, try to remember who I am.

We only want what we can and what we can't have yet. Now and again,

try to remember all you can.

We only want what we can and what we can't have yet.

We never see what's good until it's left behind.

We only want what we can. Bye.

Bye.

His Excellency, the Consul General wishes to be assured that this most

and historically significant of pieces will in fact be safe.

Tell him that our safe is most secure.

Triple glazed steel, double strength titanium lock. Additionally, we are

enjoying a long -term relationship with one of the most reliable...

Insurance companies in all of America, grand empire, whose representative is on

his way here, even as we speak.

Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your hair.

Leave alone the door.

Nice. Hey.

Hey.

Hey, little girl.

Comb your hair. Fix your makeup.

Soon he will open.

because there's a ring.

Mr.

Bender.

From the court of Nicholas I, donated by the Russian government, the consulate

released it to us today.

Naturally, I need it insured immediately.

Yes, that's fine, but today is Thanksgiving.

Not in Russia.

Well, I understand that, but before we can insure it, it has to be appraised.

And I couldn't possibly get an appraiser capable of evaluating such an item out

here today.

Are you not our insurance company?

Yes. Do you wish to remain our insurance company? Of course.

Then what do you suggest I do?

I can obviously not keep this piece in the museum if it's uninsured.

Obviously.

I'm glad you agree.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Let's plan our meeting here tomorrow morning at 9 a .m. You bring the

I'll bring the key.

Stop!

What do you mean, stop? I mean, don't go.

I mean, wait. I can't wait. I'm a professional wheel man. When you get in,

supposed to go. Just wait a second.

Here, follow him.

Follow that car.

Why? Why?

Because he's got it.

He's got it?

How the hell did he get it?

I don't know. I was on my way in to crack the safe, but before I got there,

gave it to him. So follow him, will ya?

Thank you.

For what?

You know.

Look, I gotta believe that somewhere in the vast reaches of the federal

government, you could have found a couple of soldiers that stand guard over

at the townhouse while you went to your sister's.

What are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting you've done something nice.

I'm suggesting I'm grateful.

I'm suggesting... I'll never say thank you again.

I would appreciate that.

So, does Nicky know?

You mean does he know that I don't have it yet?

No.

I didn't see the point of ruining his Thanksgiving with that information,

particularly in light of the fact that as soon as this guy in front of us

we're going to get the peace from him.

Well, do you have any idea when all this stopping is going to take place? It's

Thanksgiving. I made plans, man. Oh, look.

I made a deal with you to drive you from the Upper West Side to Brighton Beach,

and now here we are heading towards Westchester.

Needless to say, this is throwing a big monkey wrench into my holiday. I

apologize for the monkey wrench. I will compensate you for the monkey wrench.

He's got to stop. I mean, it's Thanksgiving.

Everybody's got somewhere to go. I got somewhere to go, you got somewhere to

and he's got somewhere to go.

I hope you're right.

Hey, look, my exit's coming up.

Okay, my ex -exit.

I wonder what's going on at the house.

They're probably in their pajamas watching the game.

Lisa's just put the turkey in.

The place is getting that smell.

Listen to that crowd. Boy, they love him here.

Mom, come on. You're missing it.

I'm Tommy.

What a game, Jim. Third down and three to go. That's right. The earlier

conversion caused the doggies to rethink the zone. The wind and snow have made

this anybody's ballgame, Jim. Here's the snap. He bobbled the ball, and

everybody piles on.

Mom,

do you understand what's going on?

Not in the slightest.

This is nice.

You know,

I don't believe I've ever actually seen you drive a car.

We're always on a limo. There's always some guy up front.

Truth is, I love to drive.

Love cars.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I used to like to tinker with motors when I was younger.

I'm not talking about changing the oil, tightening the fan belt.

I'm talking about an appreciation for great engineering and beautiful design.

A car like this is a piece of sculpture, a work of art.

That makes me feel bad. Why?

I think your art's overheating.

See what you mean.

Great engineering, beautiful design.

I need my phone.

Oh, my.

What? I think I locked myself out.

My wallet, my keys, my phone, everything in the glove compartment.

Okay, stand back. Let me smash the glass.

No, there'll be no smashing the glass here. This is a classic car, Mr.

It features original everything.

Cost me a fortune to replace that glass.

You have to ship it all the way from England.

No, no, we need a locksmith. And a mechanic on Thanksgiving without a phone

the middle of the highway.

Mr. Wiseman, I don't know what to do.

Wow. Next to you, this car is probably the most precious possession I have.

I can't abandon it. I can't let you hurt it. I'm sorry, but this car means

everything to me.

You have any idea how pathetic that sounds?

So?

Look, it's no big deal.

We'll just walk up to the next exit.

My exit.

my ex exit, and we'll call for help.

What about the car?

What about the car?

We can't leave it here. There'll be nothing left of it by the time we got

not to mention my phone, my wallet.

Did you leave it in gear?

It's perfect.

I can push the car. There's a service station right off the exit ramp.

Service station?

You mean a gas station?

Mr. Wiseman, this is a world -class precision driving machine.

It has a custom -engineered 4 -liter V8 engine that produces 370 horsepower at 6

,150 revolutions per minute, allowing it to go 0 to 60 in an astonishing 5 .9

seconds, head and shoulders above any other car in its class.

I don't think the fellow that swipes your credit card after you buy 12

of super at a carton of milk is going to be able to help us.

Okay, then let's go to my house.

Your house?

Your house?

Who's going to fix my car at your house?

No one.

Once we get to my house, you can call a locksmith, call a mechanic, and you can

call your sister and tell her what happened. Make no mistake, Mr. Wiseman,

are not going to your house.

Okay, then.

Why don't you stay here and guard the car, and I'll run the seven or eight

up to the exit and make the calls.

It's Thanksgiving. I'm sure we can get a locksmith out here in eight, maybe ten

hours.

It's a good idea. Come on, what's the downside?

She thinks I'm Mr. Newman from the IRS and you're my boss.

And look, I promise, I won't leap tall buildings into single bound while we're

there.

Come on, hop on.

Just shout right or left when you need the car to steer and I'll nudge it in

right direction.

I haven't said yes yet.

Then say it.

I happen to know you kissed her that day down in the subway.

Yeah, so?

She's my wife. Not anymore, Mr. Wiseman.

Not anymore.

What are you trying to say?

No turkey, no stuffing, no pie.

No nookie.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hold on tight.

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Could you get that, please?

I'm sure it's Uncle Roger.

I'm not dressed yet, Mom.

Hi. Happy Thanksgiving.

Mom, someone's at the door.

I know, honey.

Well, aren't you going to answer it?

Not necessarily.

Hi. Can I help you?

I don't know if you remember me. Kissing, eggs, car roof surfing. Yeah, I

vague recollection.

Right. Well, we've had some car trouble and we're wondering if we could use your

phone, please.

Is that all you have to say?

To you?

To anyone.

No.

When an appropriate opportunity presents itself, I'd also like to apologize to

your mother.

For not showing up to dinner when she invited us.

And especially for not calling and letting her know.

Which was my fault.

I told Mr.

Newman that I would take care of that.

And I never did.

And I'm sorry.

We both are.

Sorry.

And really, we're just...

Looking for a place to use the phone. So you came here. Come on, Mom. We

wouldn't even have it here without their help, would we?

Fine. Use the phone.

And then you go.

Use the phone and then we'll go.

Use the phone and then we'll go.

It's fine with me.

It's great with me.

Phone's in the living room.

Isn't it?

Follow me.

There's a phone. There's a phone book in that drawer.

Thank you.

So, you like watching football? I used to love watching football with

my little girl on Thanksgiving, yeah.

Can't do it anymore?

Well, we usually don't spend the holidays together anymore.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

I see her from time to time, and she seems pretty great.

Those spicy pecans?

Ah.

Hey, look.

Is there any way you can get a man out here to do it, Bill? Ow.

500?

That's not $500 you're referring to, is it?

He's on a strict diet. I don't see why.

Neither do I.

Yes, I know what day it is.

Yes, I am thankful that you were there.

And yes, I'm thankful that you took my call.

I'm just not $500 thankful.

A Jaguar.

$600?

I say Jaguar and you say $600?

I mean, what kind of holiday spirit is that anyway?

I have a knife and I am prepared to use it.

And I was worried you'd never forgive me.

Is there something I can do for you?

You can let me try and explain.

Oh, great. We'll make an appointment.

You won't be upset if I don't show up, will you?

You're angry and I understand that.

You're inconsiderate and I don't.

Look, the thing you have to understand about me is because of my work, because

of my life, you just can't count on me.

Well, thank you for clearing that up because I was a tad foggy on that one

I was sitting in that restaurant for two and a half hours waiting for you. But

you can depend on me.

Do you know what an oxymoron is?

No reason to get nasty.

I'm just trying to explain that I may not always be able to show up where you

need me or where you want me, but you can depend on the fact that I will never

let anything bad happen to you or Heather.

Ever. And I mean that.

Don't worry, Mr. Newman.

From now on, you don't have to worry about showing up anytime, anyplace for

either me or my daughter.

No one is counting on you. No one is depending on you.

Nobody here even likes you.

Personally, I suspect that you are mildly deranged. So I would feel so much

comfortable if you and your friend could finish your phone call and leave.

Happy Thanksgiving.

There he is.

There he is. Oh, my, let me help him.

A working dinner?

Oh, it's a long story.

Well, happy Thanksgiving.

Can I help you with the cup?

Apparently not.

Hey, Uncle Roger.

Hello there.

What's in the briefcase?

Drugs.

Nice to see you again, Rog.

Oh, my goodness. What are you doing here?

Oh, he was just getting ready to leave.

It'll be three hours for the locksmith.

Four hours for the tow truck.

Darn. That means you're both going to miss dinner.

Oh, well.

There's always next year.

Can I help you? Yes. Sorry to bother you on Thanksgiving, but we were wondering

if we may speak to the owner of the silver Mercedes.

Oh, that's me.

Can I do something for you?

Yes. Invite us in.

I can see that you're very busy entertaining, so we'll invite ourselves

Now, why don't you be a good host and invite us in to sit down?

Would you like to come in and sit down?

Yes, after you.

Please. No.

Come in.

Now, will everybody sit down, please?

We'll do our best to complete our business and get out of your lives as

as possible.

Now, sir.

I need you to open that case and give me what's inside.

Look, before you let yourselves in for even more trouble than you've already

bargained for, it might interest you to learn that these two guys were... The

man said, open the damn case and give him what's inside.

I say, open the damn case and give him what's inside. Open it.

The thing is, I can't.

What do you mean you can't?

Do you mean you can't or do you mean you won't?

Because if you mean you won't, I'm going to have to hurt you.

And I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anybody.

All I want is what I came here to get so I can leave.

Isn't that what you want, partner? That's exactly what I want.

There it is.

So what is it?

Can't or won't? It's can't.

Really?

It's can't.

We could test that.

I could shoot the toe off your left foot and ask you again.

In my experience, when a person's left foot is hemorrhaging blood and they see

that you're perfectly willing to also shoot their right foot, they very often

tell the truth.

Should we do that?

I don't have the key for the cuffs. I don't have the combination for the case.

They don't give you those things. When they lock you to one of these things, it

would defeat the whole purpose.

If you can unlock the cuffs and open the case, you are welcome to it. Good

answer. Let me see those cups. What is that? Looks like Smith and Nickel

Wow.

Pretty handy fellow.

Maybe I can get this guy to open my car.

Everybody give thanks.

My work here is done.

Hallelujah.

Make your grandfather proud.

Hey, eat your vegetables.

Good,

good.

Shut up! Who cares?

I'm not talking... Oh, no.

Well, not you, Nicky. Tommy.

Yeah.

Are there people there with you now?

Yes.

Did you just say my name in front of them?

I don't think they heard me.

Give me the address where you are.

Okay, listen up.

You don't go anywhere.

You just sit tight. I come to you.

Well, it looks like we're going to be here just a little bit longer.

That man struck me.

I apologize, Roger.

If I had it my way, they wouldn't even be here.

Well, for that matter, if I had it my way, they wouldn't even be here.

Hey, you guys are in the government, right?

Aren't you, like, packing? Because if you are, now would be a good time to

out your heaters and throw down.

We are IRS agents.

We do not pack.

Do something, for goodness sake.

Threaten them with an audit.

Anything. So far, all you have done is strike my dinner guest.

Let me remind you, Mrs. Wiseman.

It is your dinner guest that brought this trouble to your door.

I beg your pardon.

I beg to differ.

You may scarcely hold me responsible for the actions of those social misfits.

I can, and I do.

That's libel.

That is actionable. And that, combined with the battery that you have

Come here.

You have tangled with the wrong fellow, fellow.

Okay, enough.

I'm getting this.

Anywhere.

Uh -oh.

What?

I think your turkey's burning.

Um, excuse me, guys. I know that you're really busy over there, but my

Thanksgiving dinner is burning in the kitchen, and I would just like to go

inside and turn it off.

Thanksgiving dinner, huh?

You hungry?

Yes, terribly.

Me too.

What?

You're going to make me beg?

Now, wait a second.

That's it. That's where I draw the line.

You're not inviting yourselves to dinner.

Excuse me?

Is this your house?

No. In fact, weren't you on your way out when we were on our way in? Isn't that

right? Well... Yes.

What's up?

You two have some history?

Well, ladies... That's all right. Enough of the dating game. You get some food

on the table, and you button it up until dinner is served.

Dinner?

You're kidding.

There is no way that I am going to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with you.

Fine.

Have it your way.

There. Now you stay in here and think about your manners.

Here, be a good boy and maybe we'll save you a drumstick.

Let's eat.

Pass the gravy, please.

My compliments to the chef.

Excellent. Excellent.

Does anyone want any more?

Nobody's eating?

Our hostess worked all day to cook this, and no one's eating? Really, really,

it's okay.

We're just not very hungry. I don't agree. I don't think that it's okay.

It makes me feel self -conscious to be the only one eating. Now, come on. Don't

do it. Don't give me the satisfaction.

That means you too.

My toe theory applies to people's appetites too.

Oh, leave him alone.

I mean, who do you... think you are that you can just come in here and boss us

around? I mean, what's your problem anyway?

Oh, Heather.

What makes you think I have a problem, young lady?

What I have is a gun.

And when you have a gun, people do what you tell them to do.

If you had a gun, people would do what you told them to do.

So Mike makes right. That's your argument.

And what about you? You ever whack anybody with that gun?

Excuse me?

You know, whack somebody.

Off him. Ice him. Did you ever kill anyone?

A gun's not much good if you're not willing to use it.

No! Do me a favor and stop eating for a moment and tell your daughter that

professional killers rarely discuss their resumes. He's not my father.

But my father's going to be home soon. He's coming home any minute. What?

Big and strong?

Little girl, it's Thanksgiving.

If he was going to come home, he'd be here by now.

You divorced?

I don't believe that that's any of your business.

Of course, this is a real nice place you got here.

Real nice.

So I'm guessing.

Widow. Can we please just change the subject?

Ooh, I think you struck a nerve. You know what?

You're lucky my dad's not here right now, because if he were, he'd kill you.

Oh, you all right in there?

You need something to drink?

I'm fine.

idea what's going on up there?

Nope.

Not the plan.

Now see what you did?

You chipped the molding.

Ooh.

That had to hurt.

That's not yours.

Now hold it up so I can see it.

I turn around very slowly and hand it to me with the barrel facing you.

Now, if by some strange turn of events you don't die tonight, you're really

going to have to show me how you get out of those cuffs.

Oh, that's nothing. Wait till you see the bullets bounce off my chest.

I can't wait.

Okay, tough guy.

Why don't you help me downstairs with my friend, if you please?

Yeah.

Poor Mr. Cohen.

They just must be beating him to death.

I don't even want to think about it.

I'm sorry. Isn't that what you meant?

Who is this?

To be honest with you?

I don't know.

Come down here.

Yeah, you.

Come.

You sit still for a moment.

Sit. You go and get it.

Grandfather Victor, a general under the Tsar. This was given to him by the Tsar

himself. It belonged to my family for generations until the communists came.

it is mine again.

So you see, Tommy, this job, this job was important.

It was personal.

This is yours, you earned it.

40 ,000?

You said 100.

We had a deal. It was part of the deal. You forced me to come out and expose

myself, leaving witnesses, all of whom now must die.

Before this gets out of hand, can I show you guys something? Shut up. Sit down.

It's a secret that nobody knows.

It's hard to explain, but I'm really strong and really fast.

And bullets, they're a thing, you know? Here,

let me show you something.

Nobody is interested in your power tricks.

Sit.

What are you doing? You're going to ruin my guns.

It's going to be rough on my fingers, too.

And give them to me.

He wanted you to have these.

Thank you.

I just want you to know, it wasn't me who scuffed up your floors upstairs.

Okay, Doc.

I guess we can go now.

Like I said. We wouldn't even have you here without their help. Are you guys

really leaving?

You haven't even had dessert yet.

Dessert?

Dessert.

Good night, officer.

Well, I, for one, am thankful for the swift arrival of our friends in law

enforcement. You're here.

You're here.

And I suppose that I, for one, am thankful that you fellows showed up.

Ultimately.

I guess I'm thankful I didn't end up some gangster's mall for the rest of my

life. I'll second that.

I'm just thankful that we're all safe.

You're here.

You're here. And what about you, Mr. Newman?

What are you thankful for?

Mr. Newman?

Thankful to Doc sitting over there.