Original subtitles

Say, is this Lorrison's Employment Agency?

Yeah.

- Hello, Rankin. - Hello.

- You still out of work? - Who isn't?

Any chance of finding a job here?

What, with this crowd ahead of you?

Chef and butler.

Why, I couldn't even get you a job as dishwashers.

But we come from a long line of chefs and butlers.

Yeah, look.

These are our great-great-great-great-grandfathers.

You remember the Boston Tea Party, of course.

They served the tea.

And they served one of the first families of Virginia.

- Now, that's Grandfather Hardy. - And that's Grandpa Laurel.

Look, here's the very hat that he wore.

Yeah, and here's the very coat that Grandpa wore.

Yes. And I have the secret recipe for the famous Steak a la Oliver.

Now, isn't that interesting.

Listen. I'm busy...

...and if you don't take your ancestors and get out of here...

Yes. Yes.

You have? Give me the address.

You want a delivery boy, $ 12 a week.

A job!

Well, I guess we better wrap up our ancestors.

Yeah. We certainly let them down.

I don't think there's a job open in this whole country.

Say, why don't we try some other countries?

Stanley, I think you've got a good idea.

- What did he say? - You heard what he said.

I heard what he said, but I didn't hear what he meant.

He simply said that he accepts our resignation.

Another country?

Another country?

Yonder she lies, Stanley. The good old U.S.A.

- Gee, I'm glad to be back. - I'll bet you are.

What did the Japs do when they took you prisoner?

It was most humiliating.

They forced us to prepare dinner. My masterpiece, Steak a la Oliver.

- Gee, that was tough. - Tough? My masterpiece?

I beg your pardon.

After they finished eating it, they told us to please go on home.

Yes, it seemed that they preferred some dish of their own.

I think they called it hari-kari.

Now, look, ple... Please. You'll all have to wait your turn.

You've got to get me a waitress. You said you had one for me.

That Keaton girl.

I told you, sir, she's a lieutenant in the WACs now.

Please, I simply must have a maid. She can wear my mink coat on her days off.

My dear lady, she's got a mink coat.

Why, it's even worse than in 1932.

Come back here.

There's no use even trying with all these people ahead of us.

We might as well put in our application. Come on.

Maybe if we showed them the pictures of our ancestors.

I'm sorry, nothing.

And not at any price!

What do you want?

We'd like to place our names on your waiting list.

Waiting list? Why, there are over a hundred names ahead of yours.

It doesn't have to be a job as a chef and a butler.

Oh, no. We'll take anything.

Please. Please, people, please.

Look, Basil, dear, I'm absolutely frantic.

When I told him I simply had to have two servants by this afternoon...

...the wretched man laughed in my face.

Yes, of course, dear. I told him our guests were the very creme de la creme of society.

He said I better hurry home and start practicing with a can opener.

Can you imagine?

I'm sorry, madam, but we've...

We just came in to get a job as a chef and a butler. And the...

No, no, no. Come with me.

My car's parked just outside.

Let me in. Unlock this door!

- Open it up. - Out of the way, let me.

They're not here. Where'd they go? The window.

Look!

Stop them.

- Do something! Do something! - I can't do anything. How can I?

- Let me at her. Get out of...! - Oh, no.

Madam, may I be so bold as to inquire, just what are your intentions?

- Yeah, where are you taking us? - Why, to my house, of course.

I know you are going to enjoy every minute of it.

The last man I had stayed for several years.

He'll tell you I was most accommodating.

In fact, I still get letters from him.

He's on an island somewhere in the Pacific.

I think they call it Alcatraz.

He was such a charming butler.

Oh, you want us to work for you.

Here you are, gentlemen. I thought a little spot of this...

...might refresh you before taking up your new duties.

It's Chateauneuf, 1924.

Gee, that's pretty old. Haven't you got anything newer?

Stanley. An excellent vintage, madam.

Now, is everything satisfactory?

I do hope you'll feel thoroughly rested after this little snort... Snack.

My dinner party tonight is so important. I have such distinguished guests.

- Stanley, the phone. - Oh, no. Don't bother. I'll answer it.

Mustn't wear yourselves out.

- Ollie, do you think she's crazy? - Of course not.

It's just that she appreciates our true worth.

Oh, Prince Saul. How nice to hear from you.

I merely wanted to verify the time of our dinner engagement this evening.

Seven-thirty? That will be most agreeable.

Oh, Your Highness, we're so anxious to meet the king.

The minute you accepted my invitation to our club meeting...

...I rushed right home to Basil...

...he's my husband, you know, and I said, "Basil, dear...

...we just must make King Christopher feel that this is his second home."

Oh, that is very thoughtful of you, dear lady. Thank you so much. Goodbye.

We thank you, gentlemen, for your splendid work...

...on behalf of our government in exile.

Your Majesty, thank you.

Good day, gentlemen.

Your Majesty.

You do like that tune, don't you?

Oh, I love it. It's the Notre Dame victory song.

- Isn't it wonderful, Uncle Saul? - It is. It is indeed.

We have a dinner engagement this evening.

Some very important people. Rich, influential.

Maybe they could help the people of our country.

Of course they could, and they will. Why else would I let them meet you?

- Well, that makes it okay by me. - Oh, Your Majesty, how American.

Uncle Saul, do you think I can go to Notre Dame someday?

Perhaps.

Do you think they'd let me play on their football team?

That's what I'd like to do better than anything else in the world.

My dear Christopher, I suppose you also are ambitious to drive a fire engine...

...or perhaps to be a cowboy.

Your Majesty truly has great feeling for the common people.

God must have loved the common people...

...because he made so many of them.

An interesting but unsettling doctrine.

Oh, it's not my doctrine. It's Abraham Lincoln's.

And you would like to take this doctrine of Mr. Lincoln's back to Orlandia?

I would. Indeed I would.

I admire you for those sentiments, Christopher.

More than that, I love you for them.

These are the people you mean.

- You said it, big boy. - Your Majesty.

I mean, you expressed the idea to perfection.

But how can I get to know them?

Bodyguards. Tutors. Secretaries.

Your father got to know people by going among them as one of them.

How would you like to do that this afternoon, with Ronetz?

Your Majesty.

You sent for me, Your Highness?

Yes, Ronetz.

- Hurry now, dear boy. - Thank you, Uncle Saul.

Strange, people don't seem to understand how fond I am of children.

This afternoon you will take His Majesty out of the hotel by the service entrance.

Without the bodyguard?

Our good people of Orlandia are not ready to rule themselves.

And Christopher, I'm afraid, will have them try.

He's all heart, that boy. Like his father, Ronetz.

And now it would sadden me beyond measure...

...if Christopher were to meet with an accident.

But I must put aside my own feelings.

History will applaud your courage, sir.

The details, Ronetz, I may leave them to you?

- Oh, yes. Certainly, sir. - It will all be over quietly, without pain.

And it will be blamed on our political opponents.

The king is dead.

Long live the king.

Now, put these in the china closet, and please be careful.

I'm sorry.

Oliver, I want you to go right out and do the marketing for my party tonight.

I'm late for my canteen meeting, or I'd do it myself.

Now, here is the list.

You can take the shortcut through Rexford Park.

And don't forget the caviar. I usually keep a large supply on hand...

...but that would be hoarding, and I don't believe in hoarding. Do you, Oliver?

Neither does Stanley, does he?

And, Oliver, I want you to get me the biggest, finest sirloin steak you can find.

Here are the ration points, I've been hoarding...

I mean, I've been saving them for weeks.

They're the red points, you see.

Pretty, aren't they?

Now, Oliver, I know I can leave everything safely in your hands.

I mean, leave everything in Stanley's hands.

I mean, I better take them out of Stanley's hands.

I mean, you better take Stanley with you.

Get him out of here.

I'll finish the dishes myself.

If I am not mistaken, madam, they are finished.

It was good of Uncle Saul to send us out without the bodyguard.

Well, His Highness thinks only of your true welfare, Your Majesty.

- What is it, Ronetz? - Oh, it's a trifle.

Only that I seem to be out of cigarettes.

Do you want to buy some?

Your Majesty won't mind waiting for me?

lt'd be fun to be alone for a few minutes.

Of course. I shall return immediately.

Oh, Karel, Falken, good. You're on time.

As deeply as Prince Saul and I regret this, it is for the good of Orlandia.

His Majesty will accompany you without question.

Of course. He knows us so well.

Explain that Prince Saul sent for him on an urgent matter.

If he wishes to wait, say there's no time...

...that haste is vital, that your car is waiting.

And do not communicate with me. I'll call you.

- He's gone. - That's strange.

Strange, he was here a moment ago.

Let's go!

- You don't suppose...? - My dear Karel...

...you could hardly expect to find him among those hoodlums.

Perhaps he's gone back to his hotel.

Possibly. We'd better go back to our apartment immediately.

Ronetz said he would call.

Signals, ready. Two, one, six.

Willie!

Didn't I tell you to be home at 3:00 to mind little Gwendolyn?

Mom, there's only a couple of minutes left.

Please, let him finish the game.

No, not another minute! It's after 4:00 now! Come on, get home, you.

Four o'clock? Gee, I gotta get going on my paper route.

So long, fellas.

Wait a minute. We gotta have a referee.

Sorry. Gotta go.

I guess we win. Score's 12-7, and you ain't got no right half.

Wait a minute, Chuck!

That's the rules. You can't play with 10 men.

I beg your pardon, but couldn't I substitute for Willie?

I'm quite a student of football.

Look at the fancy clothes.

He's a student, he says.

Get away, pantywaist. This gang would bust you in half.

All right, gang. Game's over.

Wait a minute.

What do you mean? We win by default.

Not if we get another player, you don't.

You mean him?

lt'll give us three minutes more to try for a touchdown.

If we don't let him play, we're licked right now.

Hey, kid, come back here.

Okay. You're our right halfback. Get in there.

You mean I can play?

I said, get in there. Okay, fellas, let's go.

Okay, kids, let's go.

It's all off. Game's over.

- But you... - Can't play without a referee...

...and Butch went home. - That's the rules.

Guess we lose. Go on home, kid.

We'll beat you worse tomorrow.

- Well, see you tomorrow, gang. - See you.

Please, please. Couldn't you get another referee?

- No, none of the gang are around... - Wait a minute, Bushy. Look.

What do you say? Let's ask them.

Can't do any harm. Come on.

Mister, will you referee our game?

- Our referee had to go to work. - We can't play without a referee.

Please, mister.

Sorry, boys, but we haven't got time.

Yeah. We have to prepare a very important dinner.

We've got three minutes more to play.

Come on. Be a sport.

Some other time, perhaps. Now, run along.

Come, Stanley.

Oh, gentlemen. Won't you please referee? Please.

I'm sorry, son, but our first duty is to our employer.

But they're just sending me in. It's the first chance I've had to play.

And if you don't referee now, I'll never get a chance. Never.

Won't you, please?

I don't suppose that five minutes will make very much difference.

Boys will be boys, you know.

Now, remember, son, only for five minutes.

A referee and an umpire. Gee, that's swell.

Here you are, mister. Take your packages, mister.

Come on. Up and at them! We're gonna finish the game!

Hurry, Jimmy, hurry!

Here they come.

All right, boys. Whose ball is it?

Ours. First down.

I'll get over there, and you stay here.

Going in at right halfback, sir.

Here's your whistle, mister.

Signals, ready. Four, seven, three...

...nine, eight, six...

...seven, five, four, two...

...three, six, eight.

Nice running, kid.

Blow the whistle!

Get in quick. Come on. Huddle up. Come on. Get in.

Signals, ready. Three, four, nine...

...eight, 11, seven...

...six, nine, three, two.

Get in, quick. Good hustle. Huddle up. Come on. Get in.

Signals, ready. Three, four, nine, four.

Come on, snap out of it.

Let's go. That's the way.

All right. Now blow the whistle, Stanley.

What are you doing down there?

Come here!

Stay here where you belong.

Well, I can't keep out of the way.

Give me the whistle. I'll show you how.

Now, get over there. Over here!

Signals, ready. Five, eight.

It's our ball.

Come on, gang. Let's go.

Two minutes to go.

Let's fool them. Give the ball to pantywaist off left tackle.

- Think you can do it, kid? - You bet.

Signals. Six, seven, 13, 34, 27...

...five, seven, 14.

A fumble. We're licked.

All right, boys. Come on. Let me have the ball.

One minute to go.

Get back, out of our way. Way back.

Way back, I said.

Signals, ready. Nine, four, eight, seven.

It's a pass!

He got it!

Touchdown!

We win, 13-12.

Well, goodbye, son. You played very well.

You sure did. Goodbye.

- Oh, please. - Yes?

Well, I just wanted to thank you.

What for? We didn't do anything. All we did...

Oh, yes, you did.

You see, I've never played football before...

...and, well, if you hadn't refereed the game, I...

Oh, you're awfully kind.

Well, we just like to see kids have fun.

Yeah. We think kids are nice.

And I think you're swell.

Well, let's go, Stanley.

I've gotta get started on my Steak a la Oliver.

Say, did you get the steak?

- Did I get the steak? - Sure.

I told you to get the steak. Don't you remember anything?

You had the ration book.

I did not. I gave it to you.

I distinctly remember putting my hand into my pocket...

...pulling out the ration book... - See?

Why didn't you remind me?

You didn't ask me.

Now we've got to go back to that market and get a steak...

...thanks to your stupidity.

And if we get one, it'll be a great piece of luck.

- Luck? lt'll be a miracle. - Why?

Well, we haven't got any money left. We spent everything that...

Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

I've got to fix a steak dinner, and I haven't got any meat.

These cats sure can put it away.

Yeah, it's lucky horsemeat ain't rationed.

Ollie, look.

Stanley, we've got to uphold the rights of human beings.

That beautiful sirloin steak is enough for at least four people.

And he's hoarding it.

Mrs. Hawkley needs it more than that lion.

We'll do it.

You're right, Ollie.

Ladies first, I always say.

Stanley. Get the meat.

- You mean, me get the meat? - Of course.

Reach in and take it.

Well, there's nothing to it.

All you have to do is look the lion straight in the eye.

Lions are afraid of that. I read that in a book.

But did the lion read the book?

Oh, don't annoy me with trifles. Hurry.

You sure he'll be frightened?

One look at you and he'll be terrified.

Did you look him in the eye?

Yeah, but something must have gone wrong.

I got frightened.

Oh, I can't depend upon you to do anything.

I have it.

I'll decoy him away from the meat, and you grab it.

I'll pretend that I'm another lion.

It's working.

Pretend you're a lady lion.

All right.

Why didn't you take it away from him, you weakling?

Now I've gotta think of another idea.

- What are you gonna do now? - I'm gonna tickle him.

That'll attract him away from the steak, then you snatch it.

Suppose he's not ticklish?

All lions are ticklish.

Why don't you try and find his funny bone?

See? He's laughing.

Don't look like a laugh to me.

- Now, how'd you get up there? - I jumped.

Well, come down.

How am I gonna get down?

The same way that you got up there.

- Wait a minute, and I'll help you. - Come and get me.

Come on.

Well, it's no use, I guess.

We better get our packages and go home.

My first chance to cook a meal for the Hawkleys...

...my famous Steak a la Oliver...

...and no steak.

I'm sorry, Ollie.

- Look. - Look, the steak.

Good boy, you got it.

How'd you get it?

When he jumped at you, I grabbed it.

He must have read the book.

Yeah. You're a real friend.

By the way, what's your name?

- Oh, you can just call me Chris. - Okay, Chris.

Oh, let me carry these packages for you.

- Now, that's real nice of you. - A beautiful gesture.

- Yes, sir. - Here, I'll help you.

- Okay, gang. Let's go. - All right.

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot something.

Well, goodbye, Chris. And thanks for helping.

Yeah, you better run along home to your father and mother.

But I haven't any father and mother.

But you must have a home.

Oh, yes. I live with my uncle.

But he's a brute...

...and if I go home now he'll beat me.

- He'll beat you? - Oh, yes.

He'll beat me terribly.

Oh, please let me stay with you a while.

Oh, we can't do that, Chris.

We've got a dinner to prepare...

...and we're late now. Come, Stanley.

- Goodbye, Chris. - Goodbye.

Maybe if you run home fast, your uncle won't beat you very hard.

Bye.

Now, you can take just one tiny peek.

Servants.

A cook and a butler.

- It is a miracle. - Yes.

- I'd better go in and introduce myself. - No, we mustn't disturb them.

You know how temperamental servants are these days.

You better go upstairs and change. His Majesty's due any minute now.

Run along, run along.

I've got to get started on my Mock Turtle Soup a la Hardy.

Put the rest of these things away.

Stanley, get the pot for the soup and the platter for the steak.

And I'll fix the vegetables.

You know, that Chris was an awful nice boy.

- I liked him. - So did I.

- I wish we could have kept him with us. - Yeah, poor kid.

He's probably home right now getting a licking.

Gee, I wish we'd have kept him here.

You know, we could have found a place to hide him.

Sure, you could hide me in the cellar.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

- Chris. - Well, look who's here.

Young man, come out of there.

What do you mean, sneaking? I thought l...

Oh, please, Mr. Oliver.

- There's something I forgot to tell you. - Well?

Well, the beatings aren't all.

My uncle won't give me anything to eat.

You mean he starves you?

I haven't had anything to eat for a week.

Why, the despicable cad.

Well, you stay right here with us tonight.

Yeah. We'll feed you right now.

But you've got to go home in the morning...

...and we'll go along and have a nice long talk with that uncle of yours.

Here you are, Chris.

Look.

- What is it? - Salami.

And very tasty.

You mean, one can eat it?

Well, one can try.

- Really? - Yes.

It's delicious.

Your Highness, this is an honor.

Madame, enchanté.

Enchanté too. But where's the king?

His Majesty's not well, madame. He sends his regrets.

I'd have been so enchanté to have a king for dinner.

I mean, I'm sorry His Majesty's ill.

I'm instructed to invite you to a reception His Majesty's giving tomorrow...

...for Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.

How chic.

We'd be delighted to accept, wouldn't we, Basil?

Oh, why, yes. Yes.

I guess being a king is pretty hard on a youngster.

Oh, His Majesty thinks only of his duties.

Sometimes I fear for him.

He scarcely sleeps or eats.

- How you doing, Chris? - Oh, swell.

- Good. - I can't understand why my...

...Mock Turtle Soup a la Hardy isn't done yet.

Well, you know how slow those turtles are.

I remember a story once about a turtle...

All that it needs is a wee bit of seasoning.

Oh, Stanley?

Oh, Mrs. Hawkley. Chris, hide, quick.

Hide, quick. Get under the table.

Stanley, our guest of honor won't be here, so there'll just be three for dinner.

I'm sure that you'll see that everything is served nicely, won't you?

You can trust me, madam.

Everything will go like greasy lightning.

You'll find some bicarbonate of soda in the cabinet.

You can come out now.

See? You nearly got caught.

Stanley, come here.

- I want to rehearse you. - You want to what?

I want to see that you serve this meal correctly.

- What do you mean, cor...? - Now, I'm Mrs. Hawkley.

Chris, you sit to my right. You're the guest.

Can you imagine him being the guest? Look at him.

Now for the rehearsal. Serve the soup.

No, no, no.

Just pretend.

You're always showing your ignorance.

Well, I've as much right to be ignorant as you have.

In fact, more.

Much more.

Stanley, at times you're most trying.

Well, you can't blame me for trying.

Serve the soup.

Oh, no, Mr. Stan.

You should serve the hostess first.

I'm the hostess.

Oh, no, no, Mr. Stan.

You should serve from the left side.

The left side.

This is my left side. See?

That kid knows more about etiquette than you do.

I just know you're going to disgrace us.

I have it. Chris, you'll have to see that he conducts himself with distinction.

With esprit de corps.

- How? - Well...

...we'll hide you under the dining-room table...

...and if he goes to serve from the wrong side...

...you tap him on the foot.

See? Simple.

We have a new chef, Your Highness.

- I do hope he does himself proud. - Oh, I'm sure he will.

- Will you sit there, Your Highness? - Thank you.

Excuse me.

Oh, thank you.

What a pity His Majesty couldn't have been with us tonight.

I'm sure no one regrets it more than he.

Mock Turtle Soup a la Hardy.

It looks delicious.

Stanley has such a quaint sense of humor.

I always encourage a spirit of fun in my servants.

- His sense of humor, no doubt. - Charming, isn't it?

Oh, Stanley, you and Oliver will be the death of us yet.

Won't they, dear?

It's quite possible.

Excellent soup, madame.

I envy you your new chef.

Yes, yes. Oliver is a...

...genius.

You may remove the...

The plates now, Stanley.

You made those cocktails too strong, Basil.

They've given me hiccups.

Me too.

We mustn't spoil our appetites, you know.

We're going to have steak.

Oh, really? Splendid.

My famous Steak a la Oliver.

Stanley, our ancestors would be proud of us today.

Now, serve it carefully...

...and let me know how they like it.

I sure will.

One is so fortunate to be able to get help these days.

Steak a la Oliver.

What a magnificent cut of meat.

How perfectly lovely.

You certainly got the lion's share, Stanley.

How'd you know?

Such a witty fellow.

Just the tiniest bit for me, Basil. Remember, my diet.

I'm so anxious to meet His Majesty.

I know so few kings.

And Prince Prentiloff.

I always tell Basil that princes have the strangest fascination for me.

- Peas and Carrots a la... - Yes, yes, Stanley. Yes.

Put them down. Put them down.

Why don't you try it on the other side?

Well, I seem to have lost my touch.

Stanley, a sharper knife, please. This one is very dull.

The shortage of steel, you know.

Well, Stanley, how'd they like it?

He wants a sharper knife.

- A sharper knife? - That's what he said.

He just doesn't know how to carve a Steak a la Oliver.

Let me at that beautiful specimen.

Pardon me, Mr. Hawkley, but one must have a knack for these things.

Wrong side.

Hey.

We must take a trip to Washington, Basil...

...and visit His Highness.

That is, if he has to leave the city.

Yes. Yes, indeed.

Washington.

Wonderful man.

Just a slip.

- Stanley, the doorbell. Answer it. - Yes, ma'am.

Oliver, you better saw the st... I mean, carve the steak in the kitchen.

I'm afraid that the steak is a little too fresh.

- Makes it harder to cut, you know. - Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a guy by the name of Mr. Ronetz.

He wants to talk to a Mr. Highness.

Oh, that's my secretary.

- Would you pardon me a moment? - Oh, certainly.

Take this thing out of here.

- Take it out! - Now, Basil, Basil...

...remember your blood pressure.

I'm quite all right, my dear.

I've never felt better in my life.

The only trouble is...

...these fiends have poisoned me.

- Impossible. He can't have vanished. - Your Highness, that's what did happen.

I telephoned the police. They're at the hotel with the attorney.

I'll be right back. Wait for me.

- Mrs. Hawkley, something has happened. - It certainly has.

My secretary has brought me disturbing news.

- I shall have to leave. - Your Highness, I'm so sorry.

Must you go? And on an empty stomach?

- I think they're mad at us, Ollie. - Yeah.

We better get Chris out of there.

Chris. Chris. Hey.

Good night, Mrs. Hawkley. Thanks for a delicious dinner.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Good night, Your Highness. - "Delicious dinner."

My good-neighbor policy, it's completely ruined.

- Oh, I think I'd better see a doctor. - It's all because of those two imbeciles.

They betrayed me.

Good heavens. What's that?

Boy. You.

She saw me. She's coming after me.

Boy.

Where is he? Where is he?

Oh, so there all you are.

How did this ragamuffin get in here?

- Well, you see, he's a friend of ours. - He is.

So you brought him in. Well, that settles it.

First you ruin my dinner...

...then you bring a stowaway into the house.

Oh, please, Mrs. Hawkley, it was my fault.

Out you go, all three of you.

I'll give you just five minutes to pack up.

Now, remember, out you go. Scat.

- lf he's alive, we'll find him. - Give it to the papers at once.

- And send them pictures of the king. - Of course.

And offer a reward, $ 1000 for any information.

- Get some pictures. - Try not to worry, Prince Saul.

Our men will search every corner in the city.

Now I'll show you another one.

That's Alphonse Hardy.

We had hoped someday to get our pictures in this album...

...along with the other great Hardys. - And Laurels.

But I'm afraid we never will.

I guess I'll never wear that again.

Oh, of course you will.

It wasn't your fault that you were fired. If I hadn't sneaked into the house when you...

No, no, Chris.

We're failures.

Yeah, we're just no good, that's all.

That's not true.

You're both wonderful.

And I've spoiled everything for you.

No, no, Chris.

Now, what you need is some sleep. Stanley, you wait here...

...and I'll go and see if I can get a bed here for Chris.

You seem awfully fond of that thing, Chris.

I am. Knute Rockne gave it to my father.

Put it under the pillow till morning. We don't wanna lose it, you know.

Stan and I will sleep on the benches downstairs.

You know, Mr. Stan and Mr. Oliver...

...this has been the happiest day in my life.

Look, Chris, you don't have to say "mister" to us.

Of course not. Just call us Stan and Ollie.

After all, we're pals.

- Pals? - Sure.

You're every bit as good as we are.

Isn't he, Ollie?

Okay. Good night, Stan.

- Good night, Ollie. - Good night, Chris.

- Good night, Ollie. - Good night, Sta...

- All right, fellas. Come along. - That's them, all right.

I'll haul these fellas in. You take care of the kid.

- Why are you pinching us? - What did we do?

I ain't saying much, and if you guys are wise, you'll play dumb too.

You can tell it to the DA in the morning.

All right. Go along quietly.

But, Uncle Saul, why can't I see them again?

They didn't do anything wrong.

Of course not, my boy. I blame my own impulsiveness...

...in sending you out as I did.

I indulge you. It's my great weakness.

Your Highness is too kind.

But at least we could help them, Uncle Saul.

Couldn't we get them a position as butler and chef?

Lots of people need butlers and chefs.

I need a butler and chef.

Now, now, Christopher.

But they're fine cooks, I tell you.

They'd cook me the most wonderful meals.

Oh, my dear boy, don't forget, I've tasted their cooking.

Why, they'd poison you.

You touch me with your concern for these unfortunates.

Perhaps after all we'll be able to find a place for them on our staff.

You are kind, Uncle Saul.

My kindness is running away with me.

Steak a la Oliver:

- Christopher, your Latin tutor is waiting. - All right.

Dear boy. Such a warm heart.

Those poor men must be released immediately from jail...

...if they are to serve at our reception this afternoon for Prince Prentiloff.

But, Your Highness, those two clowns?

And if some sort of capsule...

...were to find its way into the salad, let us say, or perhaps some hors d'oeuvre...

...which one of these clowns serves... - And if we found out too late...

...that these two clumsy oafs are both employed by our political enemies...

How very sad it would be, Ronetz.

Get me the district attorney.

Yes, sir.

We'll plead guilty, officer.

We took the meat.

- You did what? - We stole some meat from a lion.

What are you guys talking about? Go on, get out of here.

- Get out of here? - You heard me.

We've got no charges against you. You're released. Go on, scram.

Oh, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I almost forgot.

Call at that address right away.

"Rexford Park Hotel, room 1242."

Oh, don't bother about that.

Let's try and find Chris.

Oh, it'll only take a minute to drop in there. It might be a job.

- Your Majesty. - It is indeed a pleasure to greet you.

The honor is mine, Your Majesty.

Your Majesty, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Kittridge.

- Your Majesty. - Your Majesty.

It was kind of you to come.

Oh, how cozy.

Prince Saul, how are you?

My dear Mrs. Hawkley.

- Mr. Hawkley, how nice of you to come. - It's an honor.

- Allow me to present you to His Majesty. - I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

I told the girls at the club they'd simply have to get another fourth for bridge.

Your Majesty, allow me to present Mr. and Mrs. Hawkley.

- How do you do, Your Majesty? - Your Majesty.

We are honored at your presence.

Mr. Ashwood.

Basil, that boy... I mean, the king...

- Well, what about him? - He looks exactly like that hoodlum...

...those two nincompoops smuggled into our house last night.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Alvina.

I beg your pardon, there are two men in the anteroom...

...who say they were told to come to this address.

Of course it's a mistake.

No, it isn't. Tell them to wait.

Gee, this is a swell joint.

Yeah. I wonder who lives here.

- Let's take a peek. - All right.

Masquerade party.

Yeah. Silly.

Your Highness.

Your Majesty, may I present Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.

Ollie, look.

- Chris! - Chris!

Ollie. Stan.

- Chris. - Chris.

Oh, you little son of a gun, you.

What are you doing here? Where have you been?

Then it was the king...

...I threw out of my house last night. - I beg your pardon.

- The king is busy at the moment. - That's all right.

- Tell him to go right ahead. - He won't bother us.

You little rascal. You know, we were worrying all night about you...

...weren't we, Ollie? - I refer to King Christopher II of Orlandia.

King Christopher?

Chris...

...you ain't a king?

I should have told you.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty...

...Prince Prentiloff, you have offended him.

His Majesty will be pleased to grant you an audience at a later time.

Oh, sure, Chris.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Mr. King Chris.

Your Majesty.

Your Highness, it is indeed a pleasure to greet you.

Just a minute, please.

I regret this unfortunate incident.

I wanted to see you alone and explain about Christopher.

Oh, that's all right.

We understand. And we won't try to see him again.

We know how it is.

He's a king, and we're...

- Well, we're just nobody. - Please, gentlemen...

...will you wait just a minute?

I think I can help you. Won't you sit down?

Would you consider a position as butler and chef to His Majesty the king?

Well... But, gentlemen...

That's a very funny joke, but...

Yeah, and if you don't mind...

...we don't feel like kidding now.

Kidding? But I'm not kidding. His Majesty is giving a tea...

...immediately after the presentation, and I want you to serve it.

You ain't kidding?

I ain't kidding.

I give you my word.

Will you do it?

Will we do it?

Stanley, the album. Quick.

Just as I thought.

We have topped our ancestors.

Look, Stanley. None of them ever got any higher than a lord mayor.

And we're going to serve a king.

- Thank you. - Try a black one. They're good.

Pardon me.

Yes, Your Majesty. I'm quite convinced that both our countries will eventually...

Sorry.

Oh, there you are, Stanley.

Oh, you pixy, you.

After all this ex... Excitement, I'm sure you'll be glad...

...to come back to work at our little house, won't you?

No, ma'am.

Oh, what a man.

- He keeps us in stitches, doesn't he, Basil? - Yes.

You better have Stanley serve your special salad now.

But be sure that he serves His Majesty first.

- Naturally. - By the way, which is His Majesty's?

Well, that one, of course. It's the biggest.

Stanley, you may serve the special salad now.

This one is His Majesty's.

- Are you sure this is the largest one? - Of course it is.

I picked it out myself.

I don't think it is, Ollie. I think this one here looks...

No. No, wait just a moment. I think this is the largest.

No, no, that's not it. I think we should...

Well, now... I think this... If you compare them... Look.

I think that's... No, no, no, Stanley.

- Now, this is the biggest, of course. Yeah. - That's the one. That's it exactly.

- Fine. - Yes.

Which one is His Majesty's?

- Wait a minute. - Just a minute, my good man.

I'm in charge here...

...and I'm quite capable of serving this luncheon.

Thank you.

Oh, what a charming salad.

Your Majesty's simply going to play havoc or something with my diet.

They say salads are full of vitamins.

I think vitamins are won...

Wonderful. Don't you?

- From A to Z. - I beg your pardon, Your Highness.

- May I speak to you for a moment? - Excuse me, please. Your Majesty.

They mixed up the salads. There's nothing I could do about it.

I always eat too fast. It must have stuck in my throat.

Why, Your Highness, you haven't touched your salad.

- I'm not very hungry. - Now, just a teensy-weensy bit.

It's full of what you need. Open your mouth.

- Open and let me feed you. - No!

His Highness is having nervous attacks. Doctors warned him.

He really ought to lie down, Your Majesty. If you'll excuse him.

- Of course. - Oh, Stanley.

Take this to the kitchen immediately.

Come with me, Your Highness.

What do you suppose happened to that fellow?

I don't know. Maybe he didn't like the salad.

- Looks all right to me. I'll... - Well, he certainly was fidgety.

I can't understand it.

Stanley. That's for the guest.

Leave it alone.

And put that down.

Now look what you've done.

You've spoiled it.

I'll fix it.

There. Now get back to the drawing room.

My guests are waiting.

Are you sure you're all right to go back in there?

- You know, you were rather upset. - Of course I'm all right.

You're certainly setting yourself a record for bungling things.

Your Highness, if I may say, you had a share in the bungling.

It was your idea to engage those two idiots.

If the king didn't get the poisoned salad, it was your fault, not mine.

Stan, Ollie.

What do you suppose he'll tell those fools?

I don't know, but I intend to find out.

Stay in there with the guests. Tell them I'll be resting for half an hour.

Your Majesty...

So you found your friends again. That's fine.

But you'd better go back to the drawing room now.

But why should you try to kill me, Uncle Saul?

Mr. Highness, we ought to throw you right out of that window.

Yeah. Headfirst.

Throw me out of the window.

That would be quite a long fall, I'm afraid.

I'm told that a person falling any great distance loses consciousness...

...long before he reaches the ground.

Oh, well, we won't have to throw him out.

- Why? - Just give him a little push when he jumps.

I'm trying to make it easy for you.

The king will make a very gallant struggle for his life...

...and I shall arrive too late to save him.

Oh, you're not too late.

We'll help you. Won't we, Ollie?

And now, gentlemen and Christopher...

...if I may trouble you to climb out on the ledge outside this window.

Come, come, gentlemen, please.

I'm a very sensitive man.

I find this quite painful.

He finds it painful.

- How much you got left, boys? - Just that place near the window.

- Hurry along. - Charlie, let's slide it over the sill.

Come, Stanley. Let no one say that we were afraid to die.

I don't care who says it.

We've done no wrong, so we have nothing to fear.

- Come. - Nothing to fear?

- No. - Hold this, will you?

Yeah.

You're right, Ollie.

Let us laugh in the face of death.

Come, Your Majesty.

Now, His Majesty first, if you don't mind.

Goodbye, Ollie. Goodbye, Stan.

- Goodbye, Chris. - Goodbye, Chris.

What the...?

- Quick, the police! - Say, let's see what's up.

Come on.

And now, gentlemen, if you'd care to say your goodbyes.

Farewell, Stanley.

You've been a wonderful pal.

A nobler creature never lived.

Goodbye, Ollie.

You're a...

...nice fella too.

Look at that. A fine way to leave things.

- Come on. Give me a hand. - Okay.

Ollie, I'll never forget you.

- Never. - Nor I you, Stanley.

At last we've come to the parting of the ways...

...and our fate lies below.

Far, far below.

Come, come, gentlemen. I must ask you to step off that ledge.

- Can't we say goodbye first? - You just did.

I know, but this time we really mean it.

I've had enough of this.

I shall count 10.

And when I say "10," you jump.

One.

- Two. - It makes me dizzy to look down there.

Close your eyes and try not to land on your head.

That's what I'm going to do.

Three.

Four.

Five.

- Six. - No!

Wait till he says 10.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Thank heavens he didn't say 10.

Wait, wait, wait! Stop!

You're tickling me!

Let go of my ribs!

Help me!

Climb up and grab my belt!

- Take it easy, now. - Oh, help me!

Grab my belt!

Over there. Quick!

- Hang on. Yeah, we'll get them. - Come on.

- We'll give you a hand. Come on, give it... - Pull them... Bring them up.

Help me! Help!

Help me. Help me, Ollie. Save me, save me.

It's all right, Stanley. You're safe.

- Open your eyes. - Oh, I can't. I'll...

- I can't look down. - Open your eyes.

How did we get in here?

Where's that Highness fella?

- Will you... - Yes, where is Uncle Saul?

Is he all right?

In there. He ain't feeling so good.

We telephoned. They're coming up to take care of him.

Say, Chris, how about something to eat for the boys?

Sure. Look.

Salami!

Oh, well, have a seat, won't you, gentlemen?

Sure, thanks.