Original subtitles

Okay, Miss Sullivan, you need a stick.

It's a stick.

Sorry, Dad. No, it's quite all right. They needed a good rinsing out anyway.

Is that a bacon bit?

Hey, everybody.

I want you to meet the new bailiff who's going to be working with us for a few

days. This is Rosalind Russell.

Russell, that's a neat name.

My mother was a show business freak. Ah.

I do, however, feel more fortunate than my sister.

Ja, ja.

Oh, the poor thing.

That's what my brother says.

Your brother... Flappy.

Uh, sir, sir. Uh, post office delivered this letter for you.

Special delivery.

Special? Yeah.

Mac, this letter is dated April 16th, 1971.

They did.

They were sorry.

Mac, I should have gotten this letter three presidents ago.

Open it up!

Who's it from?

It's from my mother.

Oh, my...

No, Harry's mother abandoned him when he was five years old. He hasn't seen her

in 30 years.

My brother hasn't seen my mother in over 30 years.

Your brother... Topo Zizo.

I can't even imagine what it must be like growing up without a mother.

I remember crying and screaming the first time my mother ever left me alone.

Kindergarten?

Basic training.

If the drill sergeant hadn't looked exactly like her.

But he did, Bull. That's what counts.

Ready when you are, sir.

Yeah, thank you, ma 'am.

Oh, come on, sir.

Let's go throw some people in prison. That always cheers you up.

Max, listen to this.

I'd like a chance to explain what happened, but I will understand if you

want to see me.

Love, your mother.

She probably thinks I don't want to see her. Well, that's a Manhattan return

address. You going to look for her?

Oh, I don't know.

I haven't decided.

I'll be fine, Matt, really.

All rise. I have prepared myself for any contingency.

Except that one.

Criminal court part two is now in session.

The Honorable Harold T. Stone presiding.

You may be seated, or boxed, as the case may be.

Well, I'm behind myself, and really I am. I guess I always knew that

I was going to have to deal with it.

Can we have some quiet, please?

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Mac? Sir? What's with the walnut people?

Acquaintances of the defendants, sir. Who are?

Maury Blaze, Dixie Lord, Dennis Small, and friends.

Hey, I want to see my lawyer.

Quiet. I demand a jury of my peers.

We're going to roast weenies with you and your peers if you don't put a sock

there.

Mr. Prosecutor, what is the story here?

Well, Your Honor, there was an audition for a host of a local TV kiddie show.

A riot broke out.

The police arrested these three.

Hey, who's the foxy blonde on the end?

Hey, not bad, huh?

I wouldn't kick her out of my suitcase.

I plead guilty.

Who said that?

And you are?

My name is Dennis Small.

Mac, is there any law that would make him move his lips in court?

Sir, nothing's in the Constitution about orifice manipulation.

Here you go, sir.

What's this?

Your mother's phone number.

Oh. She's moved a couple of times since the letter, but I tracked her down with

the help of a friend and motor vehicle.

Oh, I haven't even decided what I'm going to do yet.

Sir, I know you.

And I know you keep a picture of your mother tucked away in your office.

Just like I keep one of mine, close to me.

Your mom drives a tank?

Oh, wrong one.

We'll take five, people.

Are you going to call her, sir?

Oh, I don't know. I'm confused.

I'm torn.

I'm... Vacillating?

Eerie, isn't it?

don't you have a dummy like the others?

A successful act depends upon the personality of the figure and the

between he and a ventriloquist. I have honed my skills, but I haven't yet found

that perfect other character.

Until I do, I refuse to speak as myself.

I think I understand.

You're very kind.

Thank you.

It's all right.

Jan, this was a very difficult decision for me to make.

Yeah? All right, then. Perhaps it would just be the best thing for both of us if

I hang up the phone right now.

You're right.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Thank you, operator. I'll dial direct.

Don't ever do that to me again.

You want me to dial your mother for you, sir?

No, no, thank you, Mac. I can do this myself.

Thanks.

Hello?

This is Harry T. Stone calling.

And I... I... I'd like to

talk to my mother.

Oh.

Oh, oh, I understand.

No, no, I do. I do.

Yes, thank you very much. Thank you.

She's not there?

She's dead.

Sir, I'm so very sorry. You have my deepest condolences.

Obviously, you're taking it very well.

What do you think?

Too much for the eyebrows, huh? Oh, no, sir. Not on you.

I can suck up and grieve at the same time, okay?

Hey, guys, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like a couple of minutes alone, huh? Oh,

understand, sir. Because I'm going to try these on.

the traditional shorts of mourning.

Mike, stop it.

I want you dead, Lori.

Get your little hands off of him.

What's going on here?

The jerk just didn't get it through his head. It's over.

What's over?

Why are you breaking up the act?

Why? Yeah. Isn't it obvious?

Look at his lips.

I've seen less movement on a roller coaster.

Does that mean we're through?

Listen, let's go get the number of that Sonny Bono crisis line.

comfortable these days.

I really don't mean to interfere.

But you're gonna.

Yes, Your Honor.

Sir, if someone didn't know you, they might think you were awfully indifferent

to your mother's death.

And they'd be right.

I beg your pardon?

Miss Sullivan, let's not get started on something that might damage our

relationship, huh?

Sir, your mother is dead.

There's no shame in showing your grief.

Okay, so what kind of grief am I supposed to show for a woman who dumped

five -year -old boy the way another woman dumped her garbage?

Bill, I can't believe you're not capable of feeling any loss. I am capable of

feeling loss.

When Thelma died, I felt loss.

When Florence died, I felt loss.

Because I cared very much for them, and they cared for me.

If I needed comfort and compassion, they were there.

If I just needed a friend to talk to, they were there.

But when I needed a mother, no one was there.

He said he wanted to take a nap and he kicked me out of his office. You sound

upset.

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, why don't you throw your voice into the elevator shaft and follow it?

I like the silk underwear, it's the only... Hey, get out of there!

want to disturb you.

You did a real good job.

You're a fine -looking young man.

Thank you very much.

Want to know who the hell I am?

Well, since you brought it up, sure.

Buddy.

Mary Stone.

Yeah, I know.

I was married to your mother.

Oh.

Then that would make us... nothing.

Right, I had a father.

Well, what can I do for you, Mr. Ryan?

Oh, no, please, buddy.

I insist. Fine, buddy.

Hey, buddy, what do you want, buddy? Me?

I don't want anything.

I thought you might want something.

Like what?

Information about your mother.

You see, we were married for 23 years.

She was a wonderful woman.

I wouldn't know.

Oh, yeah. I guess you weren't that close.

Not close? Hell, I got a letter from her just today.

What? It was sent 15 years ago.

I told her special delivery was no faster than the regular service.

Look, I'm really very busy, Mr., uh... Uh, uh, uh... Buddy.

Buddy. Would you mind, Buddy?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, sure. I, uh, I just thought you might be curious.

Yeah. I'm curious, Buddy.

I'm curious about how any woman in her right mind would abandon a husband and a

five -year -old boy.

Uh, uh, Jackpot!

Did I mention that I am armed?

You just... Said the magic words. This is no ordinary stapler.

Why would any woman in her right mind do that? Answer!

She wasn't in her right mind.

You're saying she was sick?

For a while.

Then she got better.

Harry, she went into a psychiatric institution after she left you.

That's where we met.

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

You weren't on the staff, were you?

But I'm feeling much better now.

Could you go to dinner with me tonight?

Do you open your mouth when you eat?

Or do you just suck food in through your nostril?

Then you'll go?

No, I won't go.

Is it because I won't move my lips when I talk?

stuff. Would you like to help me? Sure, I would. Come on. We're going to talk.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm leaving now, Bill.

Right.

Goodbye.

How many guys can say their parole officer is their best friend, too?

Did Mike come through here?

Mike?

The dummy?

Yeah, we went up on the roof to talk. things out and it got a little heated

he just stormed off.

Stormed off?

As in a departure of some sort?

Was always talking to the light fixtures.

What happened to him?

Now? Oh, I don't know.

He was Secretary of State there for a while.

My point is, everyone has a story.

Listen, buddy, I really... Your mother was only 16 when she had you.

She had a pretty rough childhood, from what I understand.

Beatings, mistreatment.

Her parents?

That surprise you?

In this job, I've seen that sort of thing a thousand times.

It always surprises me.

She was a volunteer with kids like that her whole life.

Said it could never make up for what she did to you, but... maybe some other

kid might be saved from... from having

to learn to love somebody he never met.

Have I told you this story before?

Buddy, I never did know her.

But I'm beginning to miss her.

And how do you think I feel?

How do you... Lady, you're busy massaging a man in a cheap suit.

Are you okay, buddy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

Tell me something.

Did my mother know about me?

That you were a judge?

Sure.

She used to read about you in the papers.

In fact, I think she even came here once. To court? Yeah.

Well, then maybe I saw her.

Maybe. You got a recent picture?

As a matter of fact, there's one of the two of us.

At Niagara Falls.

Where are you?

In the barrel.

But I'm feeling much better now.

Yes, we can become very attached to our lumber.

To go under these circumstances, what if there's an inquest?

I'll take care of it.

Oh, thank you.

For once, I need to be alone.

Is he gone?

Boy,

she is beautiful.

Sir, do I have time to run down to the uniform shop? We need some buttons for

his sleeve.

Sure, Bull.

Bull, you need buttons for whose sleeve?

His.

wanting like a clean getaway.

Well, what do you think?

Congratulations, Mr. Small. I think you finally found yourself.

Now will you go to dinner with me?

No.

Never in a million years.

Okay.

Well, give me a couple of minutes, Mac. I want to say goodbye to Buddy.

Of course.

Sir.

I knew you weren't a cold, sadistic scumbuck at all, Warren.

I thank you.

And my mom thanks you.

Well, uh... I guess I'll see you around, Harry.

Anytime, buddy. And I mean that.

Anytime. How about tomorrow?

No, not tomorrow.

I'll call.

Okay. Hey.

Oh, I almost forgot. Here.

What's that?

A present from your mother. She said if I ever ran into you... Something the

matter?

You got your mother's compassion, but you're so different.

I wonder what would have happened if she'd have raised you.