Original subtitles

Hey, Mac.

Yeah. Bull's been late four days straight. What's going on?

Bull's got himself a girlfriend.

Oh, really?

Animal, vegetable, or mineral?

No, thanks.

I had a shrub for breakfast.

Sorry I'm late.

Mohabba calling the court to order.

With pleasure, sir.

All rise.

Criminal Court Part 2 is now in session. The honorable, adorable, kind,

compassionate Harold T. Stone presiding.

You may all be nauseated.

Well, that's it. I wrote you a poem, sir. A poem?

Oh,

come on. Read it to us, sir.

I did.

At least it rhymes.

How about that first case, Matt?

Maybe we should wait until the aircraft makes its final approach.

and he's going to swallow her.

How's my little pork chop?

Delicious.

I've never seen Bull so happy.

I've never seen Bull so alive.

I've never seen Bull with a hooker.

Of course, I don't get out much.

Pork chop?

Is a hooker?

Are you sure?

Positive. She put in so much time and holding at the Brooklyn courthouse that

put her in the staff Christmas picture.

No, it can't be.

Well, somebody give me $50 and we won't have to speculate.

I am just kidding.

$25 would probably do it.

I could call... Brooklyn and get her file.

Now, that would feel like we're spying.

Here's the signed blank check she asked for, sugar bun.

Put a rush on it, dude.

That's lunch, everybody.

Sir, could Florence take this prisoner?

I need to run down to the bank and cash in my IRA. I got my eye on a little

snowblower. I think Renee's gonna flip over.

Bull, your IRA's for your retirement.

Oh, I'll probably be killed on a prison break long before that.

Imagine the neck muscles you need to hold up that much granite.

Sir?

Sure, Bull, go ahead.

God, he spins!

You let him go?

You're just going to sit there while he cashes in his life savings?

Well, come on, Miss Sullivan, we're not even sure that she's... Still working

horizontally?

She got busted last week.

Here's a file.

Okay, okay, we have proof. Somebody has got to do something.

How do you tell seven feet of unbridled emotion that the apple of his eye takes

American Express?

Well, it has to come from a friend.

Uh -uh.

No, I was the one who told him about the tooth fairy.

Are your eyes closed?

Yeah.

Boo!

What can I say?

Did you remember the optional maintenance guarantee?

to see me?

Yeah, of course.

But last time I remember you said you wouldn't... Don't talk.

Just miss.

Our last date was the most intense, erotic

experience of my life.

And I said we could never top it.

But I've been doing more research.

And I think it just might be possible.

If you don't mind taking a few risks.

Good.

I'll pick you up after court.

I think I'm starting to hyperventilate. Here, breathe into this.

Don't worry about the socks in there.

Oh,

great. Problem?

I asked for white walls.

Oh, I thought maybe you wanted one that folded out into a bed.

And where can I get that shade of dye?

Look, Bull is a friend of mine, and I happen to care about him very much. Oh,

that's very nice.

But I didn't see your name on him anywhere.

And I'm very thorough.

My name happens to be Christine Sullivan, legal aide.

Renee Carroll, hospitality engineer.

Listen, I know who you are, and I know what you are. So don't think you can go

hustling one of my friends.

Meow.

I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee.

Can I get you a saucer of milk?

Listen, I'm warning you.

I will tell him everything if I have to.

Go ahead, tell him what I am.

Tell him that I'm a... After his money.

You say you're a friend of his, then you know.

It'll kill him.

Harry, she said that we had the most erotic sexual experience of her life.

Isn't this the date when you got accidentally drugged?

I don't remember a thing. Now she expects the miracle worker.

Well, Dan, just be yourself.

That's not funny, Harry.

He gave the slut a motorcycle.

What slut and how many cc's?

She admitted it, Your Honor. She as much as dared me to tell Bull that she was a

prostitute and she was after his money.

And? Well, I looked him right in the eye and chickened out.

Oh, hi, sir.

Christine, I was just wondering if we had time enough left for me to run down

the tire store?

Well, would you mind if we had a little chat first?

No, sir. I could listen to your feckless meandering all night.

Well, it's about Renee.

Yeah?

Read this.

Why don't you tell me?

Well, Renee is a... She's

an... For God's sakes, Bull, the woman is a hooker.

We're going to need a gross of pencils, three dozen typewriter ribbons.

pints of whole blood.

Here's your coffee, sir.

Blow still at it, huh?

That was a major appliance, wasn't it?

A .44 caliber.

It won't stop. but it should slow him down.

You needed new duct work anyway, sir.

Oh, I just got off the phone with the hospital. They released Dan 20 minutes

ago. The big guy really nailed him, huh?

Well, Bull didn't really hit him. Dan flinched, fell backwards, bounced off

wall, tripped over the rug, and... dead in Harry's refrigerator with his back.

So that's why they call him Dr.

Strangelove.

Dan, are you all right?

I'm fine. I've got my friends, I've got my career, and an unlimited mileage

rate.

cover it oh my dear god

is it that bad did you see the day after

oh

great

my battery's dead i've got a date with the duchess of discipline and my battery

favor and push me over to that plug so I can recharge this thing?

Sure, Dan.

Hey,

you ever see John Voight and Jane Fonda in Coming Home?

You ever see Richard Widmark in Kiss of Death?

She really ripped your heart out, huh?

You want to talk about it?

You will eventually, and I'll be there for you.

Fort Benning, Georgia, the 82nd Airborne Division, set to say hello.

Missed you.

As much as all the other guys?

Oh, come on. You don't think there's another guy?

Does the name John ring a bell?

You sleep with men for money.

So you figured it out.

What are you going to do? You going to stick your judge friend on me?

Renee. What is he going to charge me with? Felony? Present?

Accepting? Well, I'm not going to give him back because I already hacked him.

That's your business. That's right. That is my business.

My business is conning jerks like you.

Goodbye, Renee.

Wait a minute.

I took you to the cleaners. You've been had, big boy. Don't you get it?

Yeah, I do get it.

Good.

Then go ahead and hit me.

Come on, I can take it. Go ahead. I've been hit before.

I feel sorry for you.

I said hit me, Bozo.

I see people like you every day.

They take and take because they never fill up inside.

Why don't you get angry with me?

No, I'm angry all right. See?

I'm angry at all those people that hurt you.

Because they hurt you real bad.

And it makes me sad to think about the other Renee.

The one that never had a chance.

The one I fell in love with.

Bye.

That's it?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.

Happy anniversary.

It would have been two weeks tonight.

What's that?

Your couch.

I guess reupholstering is out of the question.

Uh -huh.

You want the next case, sir?

Bull, are you okay?

Sir, life may be filled with pitfalls and uncertainty.

But from adversity comes strength.

Who said that?

It's me, sir.

Holy cow!

That is a bold fashion statement.

May I address the court?

Listen, I don't... I... I'm a hooker. Renee, don't.

You see, I degrade myself for money because I don't like myself very much.

Please. No, that's not entirely true.

I don't like myself at all.

And this man...

Made me feel like a princess.

Do you know why?

You know why?

Well, I don't know why either.

Can somebody please tell me why?

Okay, okay.

It's going to be okay.

Let's call it a night, man.

Right. I'll get some water. Thank you, Flo.

Everything under controllable?

Right. I've been meaning to go in for that brain scan.

All right, folks, show's over.

Why did she have to do this?

Now I feel sorry for her.

Let's take her into my office.

Maybe I'll get one for Christmas.

Take a deep breath.

Feel any better? I feel dizzy and nauseous.

Reality does that to you sometimes.

I don't even know why I came here, but I knew I just had to.

I think it had something to do with self -respect.

You had an attack of dignity.

Hopefully it's chronic.

Shall we call a doctor?

Good idea.

You hurt?

No. I would like somebody to take an x -ray of you.

Tell me what you are.

Because no man can be that compassionate.

You're wrong there, Renee.

He's a man, all right.

Admittedly, there aren't many around who are as special as he is, but there are

a few.

And if we're lucky, if we're very, very lucky, one crosses our path

in a lifetime.

Are we talking about the film Gandhi?

Some of them are cute, too.

Come on, now.

Upsy -daisy. I feel so embarrassed.

Oh, forget it.

You know something?

It's not what other people think that counts.

It's how we feel about ourselves.

You make me feel beautiful.

Yeah, well, red's your color.

It's not the dress.

I know, but if I hear one more compliment, I think I'm going to throw

Hey, that reminds me, I'm hungry.

How about you?

Yeah, I could use a bite.

Great. I know this quaint little all -you -can -eat liver joint down the

You'll be there.

Then it's gonna be wonderful.

He is one special man.

Yeah, he is.

Come on, I know a quaint little all -you -can -eat kelp bar next to the liver

joint.

Dan.

It's time.

Sheila, about the wheelchair.

Shh.

You're talking again, Dan.

By the way, three of my friends from Sweden will be joining us.

I'm afraid they're not very bright.

I hope you don't mind.

Good.

The hotel address is on the key.

We'll be waiting for you in the Marquis de Sade suite.

Bye.

Don't be late.

I will have to start without you.

We want to, we did.

Slow! Slow!

Phil! Phil!

Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Hurry up!

Look, they are waiting. You have to help me out. Sure, Pat.