Original subtitles

Last week on Night Court, there was trouble for the Blakes. Your Honor, Mrs.

Blake returned from work and found an eviction notice on her door.

I got a simple policy.

You don't pay, you don't stay.

Made that up myself.

We just moved here.

We don't know anyone.

Can't you help us?

And there was trouble for the Wheelers. Your Honor, the Wheelers were found on a

park bench crying.

They were arrested for vagrancy.

Will I ever see Disney World now, Daddy?

Never, sweetheart.

Never in a million years.

Took so long, I'm frightened.

Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Flake. I have a feeling we're about to see some magic.

The state finds the defendant guilty as charged.

Ta -da.

Take it easy, kid.

I'll take it any way I can get it.

You're a pig!

Remember that lady and her kid from last night?

Yeah. Kid just tried to rob a liquor store on Broadway.

So he got arrested?

He got shot.

Uh, Your Honor?

If it's about the kid, he heard already.

The cops gave him a call.

When? Two minutes ago.

Right before he quit.

That's right, officer. He's been missing since last night.

Uh, let's see. He's tall.

He's skinny. He's wearing a long black robe and blue suede shoes.

Oh, and there's a possibility he's got a stuffed armadillo with him.

You get that a lot with Harry.

Any word from the hospital, Mac?

Yeah, I just talked to him. The kid came through fine.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, thank God.

Now the only problem is the one man that needs to hear that is vanishing to thin

air. Oh, Mac, where is he? I'm driving me crazy.

Well, he's not in Manhattan.

Why?

Are you all right?

I checked everywhere.

I checked his apartment.

No luck.

Then I checked his favorite restaurants, all the magic shops, the toy stores,

the parks, the zoo.

Is that seaweed on your lapel?

You swam around the whole island, didn't you?

The last few miles were the hardest.

I felt like I was pulling a lead weight.

Bull, what are those little round marks on the back of your uniform?

Tannicles.

That's what they were yelling from shore.

Uh -huh, yeah.

Well, okay, thanks anyway.

So what'd you tell him at City Hall when you asked him for a replacement judge?

Well, last night I said Harry had to leave because his place had a flood.

Tonight I went with the death and the family.

Mac? I know, this is how Pinocchio got started.

Well, he's not at the morgue.

You looked for Judge Stone at the morgue?

Yeah, I got a friend who works there.

Matter of fact, I got about a dozen friends who work there.

We sit around swapping recipes. We play board games. They even gave me a spare

locker to keep my things in. You know how some people like the park?

Me? I like the morgue.

Getting to know you.

Getting to know all about you.

Criminal court part two is now in session.

The Honorable...

Harrison Kemp,

presiding. You okay?

Yeah, Mr. Sandman didn't get a chance to visit me last night.

Probably afraid to come in.

Tonight's docket, sir. Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. That belongs to the judge who usually presides here.

Evening.

Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Knight of the Living Dead.

Just so you know, we're looking for a ride to Florida.

If we have to, we can split the gas.

My wife here is willing to sell her hair.

it just a luxury item.

So many of us forget that.

We spent the night at the mission.

It was the most beautiful place on the face of the earth.

They gave us a slice of olive loaf.

And the entertainment portion of the evening was a true pleasure.

Entertainment? A man ate five insects for three hours.

They had to beg us to leave.

You brush your teeth with your fingers, don't you?

First case, Your Honor, people versus Anthony Rago.

Mr.

Rago, it says here you assaulted a waiter with a pool cue.

Allegedly assaulted, Your Honor. Oh, no, I hit him, all right.

Fence wrath.

Your Honor, I... He gave me a bowl of soup with this giant dead fly in it.

So I says to him, hey, there's a fly in my soup.

And he says, so?

Get him to split the check.

Get him to split the check.

Give me a hand, will you? I'm dying up here.

Your Honor, at that point... the bartender demanded payment, and a

ensued. Well, it was my last buck.

This clown just cleaned me out on a game of eight ball.

Clown? Well, not a real clown. It's just kind of a figure of speech.

I feel like I'm talking to a duffel bag.

Could you describe this clown, Mr. Ray, though?

Yeah, kind of tall and skinny.

Kind of wore a long black bathrobe.

He ran the table on me four times, and then he shakes my hand and zaps me with

joy buzzer.

Harry! What?

You said a black bathrobe?

Yeah. Could it have been a judge's robe like this?

I don't know.

Well, take a look, Bozo. A man's life may depend on it.

Oh. Oh, Your Honor.

I am so sorry.

This is silk, isn't it?

I may say this is the strangest court.

I've ever presided over.

Thank you.

I find the defendant guilty as charged $50 fine.

Don't hit me!

Okay, then talk.

What's his name, Harry?

Who? The geek who scoped you at 8 -Ball. Well, I don't know what his name was.

You saw him at a pool hall?

Yeah. I looked there.

Well, I didn't even say which one. There must be at least... 962 of them.

Yeah, well, he's in the one across the street.

Seven hundred and sixty -three.

Six in the corner.

Five inside.

Eleven in the corner off the cockroach stuck to the felt.

I brought you your messages, sir. How about a quick game, Matt?

No, sir. I got to go back to work.

We were kind of hoping you'd come with us, Harry. Yeah.

No, I can't. I got to practice. I'm going back out on the road.

Sir, I have some great news.

The bullet only grazed one of Joey's lungs.

Say, that is great news.

That didn't come out well, did it? No, it was you. I loved it. Listen, Harry,

the point is that little tiny Tim is fine. He came out of surgery this

I know. I was there.

He woke up.

He opened his eyes.

Called me pig.

Maybe he meant it affectionately.

Sir, when are you going to stop whipping yourself about that kid?

I'm not whipping myself.

But there was a very nice couple in the back room who offered to do it for me.

Larry, we can't stand here and watch while you throw your career away.

Tell you what, why don't you watch from over there? The view's better.

But, sir, we can't... Hey, guys.

Can you take a hint?

I quit.

I am no longer interested in what goes on up there. I will not sit at that

and say what the books tell me to say night after night.

If you think it's all fair and equitable, fine.

As far as I'm concerned, it sucks rocks.

Case closed.

So, you're just going to play pool for the rest of your life? Sure.

Hours of the same.

And besides, it's something I'm pretty sure I'm good at.

Pardon me.

two ball off the seven, double bank into the far corner.

Good luck

with the new gig.

You coming, Dan?

You guys go ahead. I'll be up in a minute.

Hey, guys, now, I'm counting on you to come down here and keep me up to date on

things, you know, like when we get new presidents and stuff.

Great bunch of kids, huh?

Yeah, right.

So... You're not a judge anymore.

That's right.

You twerp!

I beg your pardon?

You thimp.

You pathetic, whining, wheezing, jack -assed twig.

I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something, Dan.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

You? Yes.

I just get you broken into where I can handle you, and now I gotta take my

chances with some new judge.

Oh, to your point.

What are the chances of me getting somebody as naive and as ignorant as you

again?

I don't know. What? 50 -60 to 1, maybe? Wait a minute. Do you think I'm kidding

around here or what? Dan, I really don't care. Why don't you just shut your

beady little face?

You had a couple of bad nights.

Is that any reason to just quit? Throw it all away.

It wasn't a couple of bad nights, Dan.

A kid got shot.

Now, you tell me that if I go back... That's not going to happen again.

It will happen again, eventually.

We can only do what the law will allow us to do. That's it. That ain't good

enough for me. Oh, of course, I understand you want to change a little

into wine once in a while, cure a few blind men here and there.

Dan, I can't go back.

I can't do it.

It's too hard.

Maybe it is.

I wouldn't know.

Maybe all of those people you helped when they needed it don't make up for

few that you couldn't.

I'll give your respects to the downtrodden and the oppressed. I'm sure

understand. You're not playing fair, Dan.

You were good, Harry.

Very good.

You were impartial.

You were fair.

Patient.

Compassionate.

Understanding.

And I admired you.

That's really getting below the belt, isn't it?

Ciao, baby.

He's right, you know. What?

You were good.

Mr... Ray.

Yeah, Ray, this is not... Ray Muntz. I was in your courtroom for sleeping in

park.

Yeah, you were smiling and making jokes.

You said that benches weren't good for my posture.

I remember.

You should. It was funny.

Did I help you?

No. You gave me a fine.

But you also did something else I'll never forget.

You talked to me.

You know, the other judges, they just shove your file aside and move on, but

you, you spent some time with me.

And that felt nice.

So I remember, too, Your Honor.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was yesterday.

Oh.

Where does the time go?

an awfully long time.

I'm not going to be one to disturb him. Last time I said something, he nearly

bit my head off.

How long are we just going to stand here?

It does look awfully immobile, doesn't it?

Well, we've got to do something.

Excuse me, is there a doctor here?

Yeah, I'm a doctor.

Sir, can you help us?

Sure.

He's dead.

Say he's been dead a good five minutes.

Amazing as it seems, this happened to us once.

Bob's Uncle Teddy came over for Christmas dinner one year and dropped

right into the stuffing.

I never got to open my presents.

You never had any presents.

We had to give that back to Grandma, darling.

She couldn't wear the eye patch forever.

I guess we're going to have to call for another judge.

Well, what about this one?

Let's put him out in the hall. Somebody will pick him up eventually.

Oh, why does this junk always have to be dumped on me?

Now, this could take hours, and I got tickets to the Jets game tonight.

You got tickets? Yeah, a pair on the 50 -yard line.

Oh.

for a single in the end zone.

Our grief appears to be inconsolable. Oh, ain't no use in hanging around here.

Wait a minute!

Paragraph 6, Section 27 of the New York City Municipal Code clearly states that

no session of criminal or civil court may be recessed or dismissed unless so

ordered by the magistrate presiding over said session.

Bull.

is dead.

Drive safely, everybody!

Uh, yeah, hi.

Yeah, this is, uh, Mack Robinson of Arraignment Court 2.

It looks like we're gonna need a replacement judge to replace our

judge.

I know it's the third in 24 hours.

You kidding?

We set a record.

Hi, guys.

Let me put you on hold for a sec.

How's it going?

I went home. I got washed up.

Drive this emo.

Well, it's nice to see everything the way I left it.

Except, of course, for the dead guy on my bench.

That would be Judge Kemp.

Yeah, well, he's got my gavel and he won't let go of it.

And I guess I'll be needing it.

I say, I guess I'll be needing it.

I've decided to come back to work.

I'm real sorry I shouted at everybody, and I'm sorry I acted like a two -legged

lobotomized jackass.

I think we could buy that one.

Oh, we'll come back here.

Guys, I am sorry.

I guess it is as simple as taking the good with the bad, no matter how bad the

bad gets.

If you're sure you want to be a judge.

I am sure.

At least I know I'm not the best pool player in the world.

You should see me when I have my own cue.

Come on, let's go and see if we can retrieve his gavel.

Your Honor.

Miss Sullivan.

I've really come to appreciate these little chats of ours.

Glad to have you back, sir. Feeling mutual, Mr. Robinson?

I'm real glad you guys were there.

Especially him.

Dan?

That man is the reason I'm standing here.

He made me want this job more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire

Dan? Fielding?

Would you excuse us, ma 'am?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

I'll just go tidy up your room a little bit.

All right.

It's good to see you, Harry.

I owe you big, counselor.

It was an honor, sir.

No, I mean it, Dan.

From the bottom of my heart to the tip of my

beanie little face.

All I had to do was tell

him what I was going to do.

Got your tongue?

That happens to me sometimes.

I just have so much to say, I can't say anything, I guess.

I know the feeling.

You mind if I ask you what it was you were gonna say?

Welcome back.

I can see why that would be tough to put into words.

You are very good up there.

And big hearts are hard to find these days.

Well, I may be a pig, but...

I'm a concerned pig.

You know, sir, if you're going to feel sorry for every person that comes in

here, you're not going to last very long.

Yeah.

I am beginning to understand that.

I mean, I know I haven't been up there as long as you have, but I have managed

to develop a detachment from my work, and there's no reason why you can't,

Ready any time you are, miss.

Are you sure we ain't putting you out?

We'd be thrilled to sleep in your trunk.

You're breeding them for pets, aren't you?