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1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:04,160
I read this thing,
it said that back in the 18003
2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,600
women had so little standing in society
3
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,520
that if a woman murdered someone,
they could arrest her husband
4
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:10,800
like it was his fault
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:14,120
cos they considered that, in law,
she was literally incapable.
6
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,240
They thought women
had no capacity for morals
7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,760
or common sense or anything.
8
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,840
Which meant the husband was responsible
for everything she did.
9
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,520
So if the wife murdered someone,
her husband could be hanged.
10
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,560
Man: Oh, don't give her ideas.
— woman: I wish!
11
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,816
Lucy, tell your mum, "don't get ideas now",
I'm not safe.
12
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,376
As soon as you get there,
you bring that law back fast as you can.
13
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,240
I'll have a word.
— mum: Good boy.
14
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,016
He's not the lord bloody chancellor.
He's gonna study the law, not make it.
15
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,680
Well, give him time.
— no! Definition of a barrister
16
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:39,880
is a servant of the law!
17
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,360
He's leaving home to buckle down
and work hard, that's the point.
18
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,080
I meant to say, I'll go through
your wardrobe next week.
19
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,960
There's stuff in there
from when you were 12.
20
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,120
It can all go.
— but, just leave it.
21
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,560
I'll sort it out when I come back.
22
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,280
Oh, that's not till Christmas.
23
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,840
Yeah, but I know where everything is.
24
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:01,960
Well, I won't go mad.
25
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,240
Anything nice, I'll put to one side.
26
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,960
But I can move everything out
and give it a good scrub.
27
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,120
All the corners.
28
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,840
Maybe even paint it.
29
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,120
By the time you come
back, it'll be like new.
30
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,280
I'll give you a call
and let you know the number.
31
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,360
Mum:
I mean it. It's different on the mainland.
32
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,800
You see something left on the bus or a tube
33
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,560
anything left on its own,
don't touch it, alright?
34
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,080
Ship horn blares
35
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,360
dad: There's some things
your mother didn't pack.
36
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,280
I don't want you getting
some girl in trouble.
37
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,120
But make sure they all get used.
38
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,960
Your mother's right,
it is different on the mainland.
39
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,160
It's a lot more fun.
40
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,480
He chuckles
41
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,720
Music: "Feels like I'm in love"
by Kelly Marie
42
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,640
♪ It feels like ♪
43
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,320
♪ it feels like I'm in love ♪
44
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,160
♪ it feels like my heart
beats like a drum ♪
45
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,360
He mouths
46
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,560
car horn beeps
47
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:44,896
so what's all that about then?
48
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,320
How'd you mean? — your dad.
49
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,256
Past week,
he's been picking you up every night.
50
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,976
Oh, he's working round the corner,
he likes going for a pint, that's all.
51
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,136
Alright then. Have one for me, yeah?
I'll see you tomorrow.
52
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,160
See ya.
53
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,640
Who's he? — that's not fair.
54
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,560
I can't help working with men, can I?
55
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,120
Engine starts
56
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,960
Woman speaks own language
57
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,880
she continues in own language
58
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,560
Father, forgive my son Roscoe.
59
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,880
He has fallen into the pit of sodomy!
60
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,400
Save him, oh lord.
61
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,080
Girl:
Uncle basil's here. I warned you.
62
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,480
He's gonna take you home.
63
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:07,720
Look.
64
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,560
There's 120 quid, it's all I've got.
65
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,040
Just take it and go.
— but, go where?
66
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,496
I don't know. You're the one with
the secret little friends, aren't you?
67
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,776
Go to them, I don't care.
— uncle basil can't take me out the country
68
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,880
not if I say no.
69
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,640
If you cause trouble, he says the whole
family can go back to Nigeria and I'm not!
70
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,160
I won't.
71
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,680
You're not gonna ruin my life too.
72
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,720
Roscoe... — he sighs
73
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,720
if they send you back home...
74
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,480
They will beat you...
75
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,520
And bleed you.
76
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,960
In the name of god, they will kill you.
77
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,360
And then they'll throw your body
into the forest
78
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,880
and leave you for the animals.
79
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,080
You stupid little kid.
80
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,000
Uncle basil's downstairs.
81
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:56,960
Just run.
82
00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,840
Run.
83
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,480
It goes without saying, but if you need me
to make the journey alongside you
84
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,400
I would be more than happy.
85
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,360
It would be an honour.
86
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,640
That would help.
87
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,440
Thank you.
88
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:19,840
Given the time of arrival, some people
choose to stay in Lagos for the first night
89
00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:24,600
but if you take my advice,
get him out of the city as fast as you can.
90
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,560
I can get you a car and a driver,
it's easily done.
91
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,680
Thud upstairs
— but that's an additional cost
92
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:30,800
on top of the rest.
93
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,720
Basil: The society would help,
that's why they exist.
94
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,760
You fall, they catch you with open arms.
95
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:37,880
Thud upstairs
96
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,520
mother:
But it could take months to heal the boy.
97
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,480
How do I cope with Oscar away
and no money coming in?
98
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,280
Basil:
Again, the society is there.
99
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,800
We have anticipated everything.
100
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,120
Thud upstairs
101
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,720
what is he doing?
102
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,320
Your son has the devil
in him tonight, Rosa.
103
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:56,920
That's exactly the problem.
104
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,480
Footsteps thud
105
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,200
what in the name of the lord?
106
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,560
I'm going now.
107
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,560
So thank you very much,
and if you need to forward any mail
108
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,120
I'll be staying at 23 piss off Avenue,
London w fuck.
109
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,160
Thank you and goodbye.
110
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,440
Woman laughs
111
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,520
basil: No! No! — table thuds
112
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,880
they clamour — no! No!
113
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,920
No! — woman laughs
114
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,920
Roscoe! Come back here!
115
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,920
Music: "Feels like I'm in love"
by Kelly Marie
116
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:28,720
woman laughs
117
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,400
♪ my head is in a spin ♪
118
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,080
♪ my feet don't touch the ground ♪
119
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,000
Father: Roscoe!
120
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,560
♪ Because you're near to me,
my head goes round and round ♪
121
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,120
Father: Roscoe! Come back here!
122
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,560
♪ My hands are shaking, baby ♪
123
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,960
Father:
If you leave now, you don't come back!
124
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,400
Roscoe!
125
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,840
♪ It feels like... ♪
126
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:46,960
Doorbell rings
127
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,840
hello.
128
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,680
Well, don't just stand there!
In you come, that's a good lad.
129
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,080
Radio plays faintly
130
00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,320
now then, I went through everything
with your mother, but first things first.
131
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,600
There's the telephone,
and there's a jotter on the side
132
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,320
so you can make a list of any calls.
133
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,640
Just write the duration
and whether it was before or after 6pm.
134
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,800
Oh, that's the family.
That's Mike and my lad, Ross.
135
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,200
Colin's arrived, boys.
136
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,960
We can all have a cup of tea
once you've settled in.
137
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,280
And breakfast is included.
138
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,000
If you've got a radio or a tape deck,
then not past 10pm
139
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,400
and it's a cheque every Friday morning.
140
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:25,880
That's the inventory.
141
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,800
And, obviously, no girls in the room.
142
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,280
Goes without saying.
143
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,160
Ilt's nice though, isn't it?
144
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,960
Lovely. Thank you very much.
145
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,560
In Welsh accent: "And there's lovely!"
How funny.
146
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,400
Big Ben chimes
147
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,000
clock ticks loudly
148
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,440
Colin:
I learn something new every day.
149
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,960
I had to memorise
all the Oxford and Cambridge ties
150
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,240
cos all the different colleges
have got a different tie.
151
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,400
But I did it.
152
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,040
Well, you've always had a good memory,
I could've told them that.
153
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,400
I remember you revising.
You'd learn whole chapters off by heart.
154
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,560
Door sh uts
— what's it like outside of work?
155
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,640
Is it nice?
156
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,480
Yeah. — you making friends?
157
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,240
Yeah.
— there, now. Lucky them, lsay/
158
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,760
what do you do, go for drinks?
— yeah, sometimes.
159
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,120
You going out tonight? — yeah.
160
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,040
Oh, nice, where you off to?
161
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,680
I don't know, anywhere.
162
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,240
There's a million pubs and things,
we go all over, it's brilliant.
163
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,080
Radio plays
164
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,480
well, I'll see you tomorrow.
165
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,040
Bye—bye, and well done for today.
166
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,080
Man:
Oh, it was all mr Coltrane's doing.
167
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,120
I don't think they stood a chance.
168
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,600
Just doing my job, sir.
169
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,480
Well, congratulations.
170
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,320
Colin!
171
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,040
Fingers click
— if you could just stay behind.
172
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,760
Fingers click
— take your jacket off.
173
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,720
It's all about tiny little particles
of cotton.
174
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,480
They get under the fingernails.
175
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,600
They can get into the bloodstream.
176
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,120
Tiny little fibres, burrowing in.
177
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,880
So, you've got to wash.
178
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,280
At the end of every day,
give yourself a good scrub.
179
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,000
Fingernails, between the fingers.
180
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,480
Don't forget the thumbs.
181
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,640
Otherwise, all those fibres can get inside.
182
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,040
Come on!
183
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:47,560
Well, start washing.
I want to see your technique.
184
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,680
Fingernails, and thumbs.
185
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,800
Come here.
186
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,320
All those tiny fibres, eliminate them.
187
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,800
Every single dirty little bugger.
188
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,880
Come on, take your shirt off.
189
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,160
Come on, shirt off!
190
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,000
Huh?
191
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,600
You gotta take the arm
192
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,800
and you've got to clean it,
and clean it again.
193
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,200
Got that, Colin?
194
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,440
Clean it and clean it again.
195
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,880
Clean it, and clean it again.
196
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,240
Clean it, and clean it again.
197
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,520
Clean it, and clean it again.
198
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,080
And then under the arm.
199
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,560
Door opens
200
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,080
sorry, I had that penhaligon account
going through my head
201
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,480
thought I'd do a little bit of homework,
if that's alright?
202
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,880
I was teaching Colin cleanliness.
203
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,160
Mr Coltrane: Absolutely.
204
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,640
Mr hart: Got that?
205
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,520
Yes, sir.
206
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,280
Mr hart:
I'll see you two bright and early.
207
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,600
Door creaks
208
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,200
door shuts — water splashes
209
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,240
if he says anything
210
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,680
if he even suggests a little extramural
activity, just give me the nod.
211
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,120
I can always find ways to introduce
his wife into the conversation.
212
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,160
I've got to say, he
does pick them very well.
213
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,000
Mr hart does tend to know,
if you see what I mean.
214
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:17,840
Where are you from?
215
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,680
Bryncoch, it's in south wales.
216
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,800
I guessed it would be,
you give that away slightly.
217
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,600
But I don't suppose there's a girlfriend
waiting back home in wales, is there?
218
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,360
Perhaps a boyfriend? — no.
219
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,720
But would there be?
220
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,480
If you could?
221
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,520
You don't have to worry about me.
I'm not remotely interested.
222
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,280
If you insist on asking
223
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,760
and really I can't get a word in edgeways
with you, dear god.
224
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,056
Colin laughs
— but I live in hackney
225
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,896
with a very nice man from the algarve
and we've been together for decades
226
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,760
so you're perfectly safe with me,
Colin Morris Jones.
227
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,960
Really, though.
228
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,880
Perfectly safe.
229
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,960
So there isn't?
230
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:02,720
A boyfriend?
231
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,640
No.
— but you'd like there to be?
232
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,080
Yes.
233
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,760
Oh, my god.
234
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,880
Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
235
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,840
Another pint for the bender, please!
236
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,440
Colin sniggers
237
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,880
music: "Tainted love" by soft cell
238
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,240
indistinct chati'er
239
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,720
♪ sometimes / feel I've got to ♪
240
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,120
♪ run away, I've got to ♪
241
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,000
♪ get away from the pain you drive ♪
242
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,120
♪ into the heart of me ♪
243
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,840
♪ the love we share ♪
244
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,040
♪ seems to go nowhere ♪
245
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,480
♪ and I've lost my light ♪
246
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,560
Woman:
The other day I was talking to my friend
247
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,520
and he said they found 41 men
with this cancer thing
248
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,960
and they all died at the same time
in New York, and they were all gay.
249
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,760
Man:
What, they all died on the same day?
250
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,400
Woman: Yeah, that's what it said,
cos my uncle lives in Brooklyn.
251
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,480
He said all 41 had exactly
the same cancer.
252
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,000
She mouths
253
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,600
what?
254
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,600
His name's ash,
he's from welwyn garden city
255
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,376
and he's a bender,
so you're in with a chance.
256
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,480
No, I was...
257
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,320
Just looking at your class.
258
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,200
It looked like fun.
259
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,920
What are you, English and drama?
— yeah, first year.
260
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,160
Cos I did plays at school.
261
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,520
I loved it, I was quite good.
262
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,640
I thought about doing drama for a while.
263
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,280
I'm ritchie, by the way.
264
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:13,720
And I'm Jill.
265
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,800
Do you wanna meet him then?
266
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,640
Ash?
— I'm not, I wasn't, I was just...
267
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,960
Literally looking.
— so, you're not gay then?
268
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,280
No! Oh, my god, no.
269
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,480
I'm more like bisexual, really
270
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,840
cos, you know,
then you can fancy anyone in the room.
271
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,280
Walk into a party,
there's double the choice.
272
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,240
Well, it's no good telling me, tell him.
273
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,880
Ash! Over here!
274
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,720
Say hello, don't be stupid.
He's nice, he's sweet, he's funny.
275
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,040
This is ritchie, he says he's bisexual
276
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,840
so he can have sex with you or me,
so what do you wanna do?
277
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,280
Wrestle for him?
278
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,720
Music: "Reward" by the teardrop explodes
279
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,280
♪ until I learn to accept my ♪
280
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,960
♪ I learn to accept my ♪
281
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,000
♪ I learn to accept my reward ♪
282
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,680
You need a bit of a wash.
283
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,400
I had a shower this morning.
284
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,960
No, uh, down there, your...
285
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,080
Your arse, you need a good wash, ok?
286
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,000
Indistinct chati'er
287
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,040
Thanks for that.
288
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,760
Sure.
289
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,600
So, do you still want...
290
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,560
It's kinda gone now.
291
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,360
Yeah, that's alright.
292
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,960
I have to get back anyway.
293
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,720
Was that your first time?
294
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,800
No.
295
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,040
Did you think I was exotic?
296
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,840
No. What does that mean?
297
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,920
You're born and bred on the isle of wight.
Do they have any Indians?
298
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,760
There's, like, one family.
299
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,440
Oh, my god.
300
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,080
They live in wootton bridge.
301
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,520
Every time we drive past them, my dad says,
"there they are."
302
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,040
Not being offensive, just,
"there they are."
303
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,280
So what does he say about you?
— oh, my god, he doesn't know.
304
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,440
They'd kill me.
305
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,560
Both of them, they'd Chuck me out.
I'm not kidding.
306
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,400
I have to sit there, not saying a word.
307
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,920
Dreaming of Steve Austin.
308
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,480
Oh, god, yeah!
309
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,880
Ash laughs
310
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,080
honestly, I'm so frustrated.
311
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,000
I used to fancy stretch Armstrong.
312
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,280
Ash snorts
— I did. It's those little trunks.
313
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,040
Did you see they gave stretch Armstrong
a dog? He's called fetch Armstrong.
314
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,040
I saw that.
315
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,880
I always thought stretch Armstrong
should have a dirty old uncle
316
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,600
lech Armstrong.
— lech! That's brilliant.
317
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,800
They laugh
— it's good, isn't it?
318
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,000
I did it with this guy, he was...
He was like a real lech Armstrong.
319
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,720
He was 37 years old.
320
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,080
My god. Imagine telling your parents that?
321
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,480
And it's... it's even worse for you,
coming from your background, you know?
322
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,000
Like, with your parents.
I mean, what are you, hindus?
323
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,240
You must be hindus I suppose,
is that right? Or muslims? No.
324
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,600
Hindus, you'd be hindus.
Are you? Or muslims? No, Buddhists.
325
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,640
Are you Buddhists?
No, it's hindus, isn't it?
326
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,440
Hindi, hindu. Hindis?
327
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:15,640
I'll see you around.
328
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,000
Oh, my god, how did it go?
329
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,800
He sobs I'm sorry...
330
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,160
Daft sod.
331
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,400
He cries
332
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,160
I was 18 years old
and I got a job at Gatwick.
333
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:53,040
I was a ramp agent,
and he was cabin crew with iberia.
334
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,080
He loved my job title.
335
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,680
He used to say, "are you rampagent?"
336
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,256
And I would say, "yes, I'm very rampagent,
thank you very much."
337
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,120
Hm! And that went on for a bit.
338
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,880
And then one day, we got the train
back to the little bedsit I had then
339
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,560
and he walked me to the door
340
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,320
and he stepped inside
and then he never left.
341
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,200
Thirty years ago.
342
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:14,840
Bell dings
343
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,680
he'll undoubtedly try to be funny
344
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,520
and he will say something blue,
this is inevitable.
345
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,720
Hello. Oh, this must be Colin.
346
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,680
Excellent.
347
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,640
You strip him naked
and I'll shave his little bum
348
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,760
and then I'm gonna use the clothes pegs.
He clicks his tongue
349
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,120
what did I say?
First prize for predictability.
350
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,920
Good evening, sexy legs.
— hello.
351
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,280
Come on in. Come on.
352
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,000
They laugh
— if you think that's funny, wait...
353
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,160
Wait... wait, there's more, there's more.
354
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,360
And I said, "where do you think
you're going, mister, huh?"
355
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,400
And he turned round
and you're never gonna guess what.
356
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,320
What? — it was the same man
357
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,880
again! — they laugh
358
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,840
I like it though.
359
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,480
It was more fun when it was illegal.
360
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,040
But what about your neighbours?
361
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:08,600
Do they know about you?
362
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,840
No. He tuts
363
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,240
we are secret.
364
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,920
When I leave the
house, I dress like a lady.
365
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,120
They laugh
— mr Coltrane: Stop it!
366
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,720
They know. They've always known.
— yeah.
367
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,520
It's like the official history of the world
368
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,960
says that men like us have always
been hidden away in secret
369
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,840
but then there's the real world
where we've been living
370
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,280
together, for all this time.
371
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,600
What about your families? Do...
372
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,520
Well, I moved on from them.
373
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,840
How do you mean?
374
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,200
I've moved on.
375
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,640
But my mother, she comes over.
376
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,240
She doesn't ask. All these years,
not a single question.
377
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,280
There's only two bedrooms,
she stays in the spare room
378
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,520
Henry's in with me.
379
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,400
So what does she think?
But she says nothing.
380
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,520
She loves him, like I
do, no problem at all.
381
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,080
Right?
382
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,840
Will you be in the room when I tell them?
383
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,840
No, you've gotta do this on your own.
384
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,440
Take a deep breath...
385
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,520
And tell 'em the truth.
386
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,720
Here we are.
387
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,840
It's not much. It's a
bit rubbish round here.
388
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,440
Shut up, it's nice.
389
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,760
Thanks, Lucy.
390
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,560
Have you locked it?
391
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,200
Is she alright?
392
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,000
Oh, she's always in a mood.
393
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,840
Who's that strange man in my house?
394
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,360
I don't know you.
Clive! Call the police!
395
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,320
I made it. Merry Christmas.
396
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,440
Oh, hello.
397
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:57,960
Right.
398
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,240
Oh, you must be Jill.
399
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,360
He never said. Where are you from?
400
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,280
Just outside woking.
401
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,400
Oh, but originally, what's your...
402
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,800
What's your...
What's your, you know, heritage?
403
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,560
My dad's from Dominica in the Caribbean.
404
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,680
Well, it doesn't bother us.
405
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,840
Flag of all nations in this house.
406
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,520
Is there anything you don't eat?
— no, I'll be fine, thank you.
407
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,640
But we do have rules. Separate bedrooms.
408
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,640
Sorry, sunshine, but not under my roof
409
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,120
and I don't wanna hear any creaking
floorboards at midnight, do you understand?
410
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,960
I know all the tricks.
411
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,520
On radio: ♪ we wish you a many Christmas
and a happy new year ♪
412
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,320
Right, no, you stay there.
I'll clear up, I'll give these a rinse.
413
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,736
Oh no, you sit down, you're a guest.
414
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,840
I don't mind, honestly,
and ritchie needs a word.
415
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,640
Over to you.
416
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,120
Well, what does that mean? Word about what?
417
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,640
Oh, you're kidding me?
418
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,480
Is this what I think it is?
Like, she's not...
419
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,400
He whispers: Pregnant?
420
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,040
No! — oh, thank god for that.
421
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,640
Well, what... what is it then?
422
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,800
So, thing is, I've been thinking
423
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,840
past few months,
about my life and all sorts of things
424
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,760
so I've made a decision and I...
I just wanna explain it to you.
425
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,480
♪ We wish you a many Christmas... ♪
426
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,680
I'm not doing law.
427
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,520
I'm changing to drama.
428
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:28,816
It's drama with English so, you know,
there's proper academic work
429
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,520
but it's a drama course really, um,
and I think it's more me.
430
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,080
Oh, you little idiot.
431
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,320
No, but it's my choice and I'm sorry,
but that's what I'm doing.
432
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:38,880
I think you'll find you're not.
433
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,680
It's already done. It's only been a term
so they said I could swap.
434
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,160
What about your Grant, eh?
435
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,920
Did you think about that?
You don't get a Grant for bloody drama.
436
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,800
W... what? drama with a view to what?
437
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:51,720
What are you gonna do with it?
438
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,040
I'm gonna be an actor.
439
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,320
He laughs
440
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,840
you are so pathetic.
441
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,480
Oh, that... that...
442
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,520
That's it, that's royal, that is.
That is bloody excellent!
443
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,000
You stupid little dreamer.
444
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,600
Suppose this was your idea?
445
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,640
No. — yeah.
446
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,800
I mean, you just opened it up for him,
didn't you?
447
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,640
Your... sweetness.
448
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,920
Music: "Hooked on classics"
by royal philharmonic orchestra
449
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,640
all: Happy new year!
— she laughs
450
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,920
They groan
451
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,560
He gasps
452
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,560
They laugh
453
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,080
Inaudible speech
454
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,680
He whoops
455
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,520
He groans
456
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,480
they laugh
457
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,840
and this is my best friend, Jill!
458
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,280
No, I'm sorry, no.
459
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:47,600
As drag goes,
that is completely unconvincing.
460
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,160
He needs a good shave! Look at
the five o'clock shadow, he's so manly!
461
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,080
I'm the only one who is.
462
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,640
They laugh
463
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:55,760
she's camper than me!
464
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,560
They cheer
465
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,560
that cold came back, Juan Pablo.
466
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,320
Do you remember,
he had that silly little cough
467
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,800
when the airline went bust,
then again in April?
468
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,440
Now it's back.
469
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,400
It's hard to tell though,
he does make a three—act play of it.
470
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,320
They've taken him into hospital.
471
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,800
Oh. Sorry.
472
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:22,960
Is he alright?
473
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,440
Yeah, fuss over nothing.
474
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,480
They said it was pneumonia
475
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,160
then they said it was like something
you get from birds in his lungs.
476
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,520
They said it was strange,
they said it was some kind of psittacosis.
477
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,640
What, like you get in parrots?
— that's what they said.
478
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,536
You haven't got a parrot, have you?
479
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,520
Of course we haven't got a fucking parrot.
480
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:53,160
She sat me down and she said,
"has he been in contact with any birds?"
481
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,720
I said, "no."
I mean, what sort of question is that?
482
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,360
Birds.
483
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,360
But people don't get psittacosis, do they?
484
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:02,800
Well, no.
485
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,920
Except there he is.
486
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,320
It's ridiculous.
487
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,000
Hello, good morning!
488
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:20,040
Oh, Colin! You'll have to work through
your lunch, I'm afraid.
489
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:21,960
Mr Coltrane's off sick
490
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,000
so you'll have to cover. Is that alright?
491
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,520
Yeah, that's fine. Thank you.
492
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:31,720
Phone dials
493
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:35,760
TV commentary: Very similar tackle. I
think the referee, mr Simms, is telling him
494
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,440
”one more chance. ”
495
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,200
So, a free kick just
outside the ho vers ' box.
496
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,720
Phone continues dialling
497
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,680
Colin, this is mr Brewster,
he'll be standing in for mr Coltrane
498
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,320
just till he gets better.
499
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,520
Right. Hello.
500
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,600
Knock on door
501
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,480
Henry?
502
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,160
It's me, Colin!
503
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,920
Mr Brewster will be joining us
on a permanent basis
504
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,920
to replace mr Coltrane.
505
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,040
Welcome on board!
You'll make a very good team.
506
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,720
He knocks loudly
507
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,840
woman:
You're wasting your time, love.
508
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,640
He went into hospital last week.
509
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,920
Henry. Ambulance. Four in the morning.
510
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,480
Bad chest or something.
511
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,160
Right, thanks.
512
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,040
What about, uh, Juan Pablo?
The other one, his friend.
513
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,800
Bloody argie. He can go home.
514
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,560
Excuse me.
515
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,480
I'm looking for Henry Coltrane?
516
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:47,960
They told me he was here.
517
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,360
It's family only.
518
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,840
I know, they said. I'm his nephew.
519
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:03,360
Here we are.
520
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,640
Nurse:
Henry? You have a visitor.
521
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:51,200
They said it could've been there for years,
sitting on my chest.
522
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,760
This bit popped up to have a look.
523
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,560
And it's cancer?
524
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,880
But why do I need all these? I mean...
525
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,960
Cancer's not infectious.
526
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,560
It's to protect me, not you.
527
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,560
Oh. —idiot.
528
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,080
Except...
529
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,080
They said, it's odd.
530
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,680
They said,
"you'd expect this if you were 90
531
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,360
or Jewish or Turkish."
532
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,520
But... but...
533
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,400
It's not the same thing as Juan Pablo?
534
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,560
No. Just bad luck.
535
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,840
Two of us getting sick at the same time.
536
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,040
Where is he?
537
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,000
He's gone.
538
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,320
To Portugal.
539
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:46,200
Mr Coltrane snorts
540
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,880
his mother descended.
541
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,800
"I'm taking him home." Hm.
542
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:56,600
I've tried writing...
543
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,760
But I can't phone Portugal from here.
544
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:05,920
I keep thinking...
545
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,800
We had mould...
546
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,320
In the kitchen, a little strip of mould.
547
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,640
We had the damp course done,
we had it replastered
548
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,520
we painted it. I painted it with zinc.
549
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,640
But it kept coming back.
550
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:26,200
I was at war with this...
551
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:28,920
Little strip, and I...
552
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:33,920
I just keep thinking...
553
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,360
Was it the mould?
554
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:44,160
On the chest.
555
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:46,920
Two of us just breathing it in.
556
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,200
Knock on door
557
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:54,640
mr Coltrane: Lunch.
558
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,520
Could you?
559
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:01,680
Colin: Don't they bring it in?
560
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:04,320
No.
561
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:06,840
They do not.
562
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,520
What time do you think you'll be back?
563
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,000
I lock the front door at ten.
564
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,640
I might not. I might stay out all night.
565
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,160
Thank you.
566
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,680
Men laugh — indistinct chati'er
567
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,040
Roscoe: Now cheer the fuck up.
568
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,840
You're dragging the whole place down.
569
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,160
Distant laughter
570
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,320
group chatter and laugh
— did you see him, did you see his shoe?
571
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,136
Roscoe:
Never mind that, did you see his arse?
572
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,240
I'm gonna let go!
573
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,840
Stop it! Stop it! Don't, Gregory!
574
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,896
Don't! No, please!
— Gloria, don't be so fuckin' nuts.
575
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,480
Get out the car then.
576
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,680
He screams — they laugh
577
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:27,960
ritchie: Right, party rules!
578
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,320
First choice on every boy is mine!
— here we are.
579
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,000
The pink palace!
580
00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,080
Just so you know, this
is not a housewarming
581
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,000
we're gonna have a party every night.
582
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,240
Here she is, she smelt the beers!
583
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,280
Woman laughs
584
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,080
Roscoe: Welcome to our new home!
Le pa/ais de pink/
585
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,840
indistinct chati'er
586
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,680
now, don't laugh, ok? I'm not kidding.
587
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,840
Dad thinks I'm at choir.
He'd kill me with his bare hands.
588
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:56,280
But you! You must be crazy
sharing a flat with him.
589
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,360
I know. But I had to move out of halls,
I was getting complaints
590
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:00,560
with the banging headboard.
591
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,880
And it's dirt cheap, this place,
cos I was working on the house next door
592
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,776
and mr friedrichs said,
"oh, we're looking for tenants!"
593
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,800
He screwed the landlord.
— "mr free—dicks".
594
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,680
Your brother had the landlord spinning
on his knob like a battling top.
595
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,440
Proud of you, boy.
— ok, I confess!
596
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,160
I did, I had him. — oh, my god.
597
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,400
In here, bum in the air, right there.
598
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,840
Stop it! — but it's brilliant
because Jill and I said
599
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,240
"let's find somewhere together."
— oh, "Jill and I."
600
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,520
Jill and I, your lordship!
— but we did, we were looking
601
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,536
and then ash said,
"well, I'll move in with you."
602
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,640
And ritchie said,
"you can share my bed, ashie!
603
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,440
Please!" — no way, never again.
604
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:32,160
Been there, done it, spat it out.
605
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,880
Jill gasps pass me another boy.
606
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,200
This one's split.
607
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,280
Oh!
— ritchie: Bill Baxter, you're filthy.
608
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,080
So, thank you, mr free—dicks!
609
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,536
This place is only 20 quid a week
all thanks to your brother's penis.
610
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,400
Mm, 25 until we fill that spare bed.
611
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:44,880
Oh, just move in with us, Gloria.
612
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,440
In this tip? Are you kidding?
I've got a council flat.
613
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,440
The people pissing in my lift
do so with love and care.
614
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:51,760
It's practically intimate.
615
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,880
Why do you call it the pink palace?
Is that the name of a club or something?
616
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,560
No, mummy dearest brought little ritchie
lots of things from home
617
00:35:58,640 --> 00:35:59,640
and look...
618
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:01,960
She brought him this.
619
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:03,440
Camp or what?
620
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,040
Gregory: It's pinker than my dick!
— I thank you.
621
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:07,760
Roscoe: Oh! — they laugh
622
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:08,840
darling...
623
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,280
Music: "Call me" by blondie
♪ colour me your colour, darling ♪
624
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,920
♪ lknow who you are ♪
625
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,960
♪ come up off your colour chart ♪
626
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,080
♪ lknow where you're coming from ♪
627
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:23,680
♪ call me ♪ — crowd sings along
628
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,200
♪ on the line ♪
629
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,800
♪ call me, call me any, any time ♪
630
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:30,560
♪ call me ♪ — crowd sings along
631
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:35,480
♪ I'i/ arrive,
you can call me any day or night ♪
632
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:36,600
♪ call me ♪
633
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,440
Indistinct chati'er
634
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,600
oh, for god's sake! You two!
I thought it was over!
635
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:43,840
Old times' sake!
636
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,040
She gasps oh, you dirty...
637
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,520
The government knows all about it, right?
638
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,680
And they're keeping it quiet,
cos there's a strain of flu
639
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,480
and it affects only gay men
and it kills them.
640
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:01,480
It's called grid, it started in america,
and it's coming over here.
641
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,720
You can't have a gay flu!
And no one dies of flu anymore.
642
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,120
They're dying in San Francisco.
My friend said it's a plague.
643
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600
Don't be ridiculous.
That would be all over the news.
644
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,560
I've gotta be honest,
I think you're being a little bit rude.
645
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:14,680
Dracula!
646
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,000
Take me to your castle, hot stuff, come on.
647
00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,160
Roscoe: Ladies and gentlemen!
648
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:21,320
And you, Gregory... — they laugh
649
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,160
pray gather hereupon
for the star turn of the night!
650
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:30,720
I give you miss Rachel tozer!
651
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,320
Crowd cheers and whistles
652
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,160
she gasps oh, my god!
653
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:40,800
Rachel! He's Rachel!
654
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,240
He looks like Nana mouskouri!
655
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:45,760
They laugh
656
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,680
please, my people. Silencio/
657
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,160
I would like to give you a song.
658
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,560
Crowd: Ooh! — shh, shh, shh!
659
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,320
La!
660
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:02,600
Man cheers
661
00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:03,880
Roscoe: Is that it?
662
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,760
They laugh
663
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,360
bravo! — woo!
664
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,640
Crowd whistles
665
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,680
pop music blares
666
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:21,600
sorry.
667
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,520
But that girl, uh, Jill, did she say
this place had a spare room?
668
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:28,960
It's a spare bed, not a spare room.
669
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,640
It means sharing with me,
but I don't mind cos I'm out most nights
670
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,816
and if it lowers the rent,
I'd share with Mary whitehouse.
671
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,040
What do you think?
— well, I'd like it very much.
672
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,280
I can give you a reference.
673
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,000
Sod that. It's an 80 quid deposit, cash.
Have you got it?
674
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,600
Yeah. — girls!
675
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,520
The rent's back down to 20 quid!
676
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,440
Gladys pugh's moving in.
677
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,600
Jill: Woohoo! Nice one, Roscoe!
678
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,840
Indistinct chati'er
679
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,640
indistinct chati'er
680
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,240
Roscoe: Did you see?
681
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,040
Indistinct chati'er
682
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,240
music: "Ne—ne na—na na—na nu—nu"
by bad manners
683
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,640
♪ Check it out, check
it out, check it out ♪
684
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:40,960
♪ check it out, check
it out, check it out ♪
685
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,400
♪ check it out, check
it out, check it out ♪
686
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,720
♪ check it out, check
it out, check it out ♪
687
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,120
♪ check it out, check
it out, check it out ♪
688
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,680
Alarm beeps
689
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:16,800
Door opens
690
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,240
Man on radio:
It's a highly complicated giant molecule
691
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,640
and hey, man, that's well wicked!
692
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,480
Break a leg, Rachel.
693
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:22,840
Thanks, bill.
694
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:26,120
See you. — yeah, good luck.
695
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,200
And you.
696
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:30,600
See you later.
697
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000
La!
698
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,520
Oh. La!
699
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,320
Good luck, Gladys. — thanks.
700
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,320
Wish me luck. — Jill: Good luck.
701
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:54,800
Door slams
702
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,000
Have you seen this?
703
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:16,360
Ritchie.
704
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,560
Thanks for coming.
— oh, my god, no, thank you.
705
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,200
Morning.
— oh, good morning, Colin.
706
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,120
Roscoe: Tah—dah!
707
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,200
Hi.
— you're late. Give us a minute.
708
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:33,120
Sure.
709
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:36,840
To be honest, it might be a little soon
to be looking for an agent
710
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,520
but still, I have to ask.
711
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,680
If I were to represent you,
and the right job came along
712
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,320
would you consider leaving college?
713
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,720
Oh, yes. Bang, done. Yes.
714
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,480
Mr hart: It's been a year.
Now, just thought we'd assess where we are.
715
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,240
Happy, on the whole.
716
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,680
You've got that tendency to drift off,
I've warned you about that.
717
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,440
And you could be more assertive.
What do you think?
718
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:01,440
Yes, sir. — I said...
719
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,680
"You could be more assert——"
720
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:04,600
yes, sir!
721
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,440
Man: It's a proper job.
I need someone to run the whole thing.
722
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,240
Bookings, strippers, drag nights...
723
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,560
And my worry is, are you a stupid tit
who's gonna run off with my money?
724
00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:13,760
Damn, got me!
725
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,360
So, where do you see yourself
in five years' time?
726
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,000
Ten years' time,
what do you want to be doing?
727
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,160
What you gonna do when you're older?
What's the plan?
728
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,000
Oh, my god, I want everything.
729
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:32,360
West end, I want my name in lights,
big movie posters with me on them.
730
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,840
I don't know. Ten years' time...
731
00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:37,240
I'd be happy still working here.
732
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:38,680
You wait.
733
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,400
Give me five, six years,
I'll be stinking rich.
734
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,440
No, as long as I can
find work, I don't care.
735
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,920
Theatre, little bit of TV.
736
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,240
I could be that man in the background
shouting, "let him go!"
737
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,800
Every single teacher I ever had, I
wanna drive past them in my big, shiny car
738
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,320
like, "fuck you."
739
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,920
I wanna do good work.
740
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:00,600
I wanna learn everything...
741
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:02,960
Like mr Coltrane taught me.
742
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:07,120
Donegal tweed,
they make the dye out of blackberries.
743
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,160
It's so beautiful.
744
00:44:58,480 --> 00:44:59,800
I just wanna be happy.
745
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,480
Music: "Smalltown boy"
by bronski beat
52176
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