Original subtitles

I came late to sex. I was nearly ten.

That was when my friend Mark Watkins told me how babies were made.

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah. Honest. Saw it in one of my dads videos.

For over a year after that, I thought babies were made…

when two women tied a man to a bed and covered his willy with ice cream.

But it's your favourite flavour.

Na na!

At secondary school, we were given the facts.

Its impossible for a male to mate…

unless the female is willing to place herself correctly for him.

She then lies with her hind legs spread out, her back arched in wards…

and the formerly aggressive spines laid flat.

The male seizes her by the scruff of the neck…

and mating takes place.

Mating lasts only a minute or two, and the pair separates.

The male plays no further part in bringing up the family.

Indeed, the two animals will probably never meet again.

So, that was sex.

Simple, really. Just find someone to do it with,

find somewhere to do it, and do it.

Thing is, when you're my age,

it just isn't that simple.

And as for falling in love…

well, nothing prepares you for that.

Anything interesting?

Oh. Not really.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.

Its really, you know, boring.

He speaks very highly of you.

- You doing your homework? - Trying to.

You might find it easier with the book turned the right way up.

- What do you do? - I'm a writer.

Wow. A writer.

I've thought about, you know, writing and stuff.

I'm not really sure. I-I've entered a competition in the local paper.

You have to write about what it's like growing up as we approach…

the new millennium.

- And, uh, what is it like? - Oh, you know.

Could be better.

No.

I guess it's hard for any sixteen-year-old,

- but when you're... you know - I know.

- You're lovely. - Well, you're not so bad yourself.

- Tart. - Jealous.

Oh, Linda, he's stunning. He's got eyes like Brad Pitt.

- Tart. - He's witty and gorgeous.

- Dangerous. - Lins, you know I'm always safe.

Safe? Whats safe about picking up men in toilets?

You promised me you wouldn't do it anymore.

I don't! I was just sitting outside minding my own business, and

Steve, babe, don't bullshit me.

Some git starts blagging you outside the public bog, he's only up for one thing.

Well, where else am I supposed to meet other blokes like me?

And he's not some randy old git. His names Glen.

He's up for the same thing I am. Were going to the woods again on Friday.

The woods? Steve, you did it in the woods? You could have been

- Queer-bashed by squirrels? - He could have done anything to you.

Or you could have been arrested. It's so risky.

Life's a risk, Lins.

Linda, Mum says if you don't come in for Your tea now, shell give it to the dog.

- Okay, okay. - You haven't got a dog.

Well, we'll get one.

He's never gonna let you drive it.

Thats not what he said he was doing.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You're late again. - Yeah. Just doing some research…

for the newspaper competition.

Special study groups proving useful then?

- Great. - Hows the article going?

Oh… uh… not bad. Should meet the deadline.

Oh. Deadlines.

Thats very… professional, isn't it?

Well, he wont meet any deadlines sitting in the park.

Sorry?

Mrs. Gillingham said she saw you sitting in the park.

Oh, yeah. I, uh

I had a bit of a block, so I went there to unblock.

Steven, you are going to finish this article, aren't you?

Of course I am.

Because if this is just another of your fads,

then you might as well use the study time for your schoolwork.

Hmm?

Oh!

♪ I'm staying out for the summer ♪

♪ Playing games in the rain ♪

♪ The guilt and the fortune ♪

♪ Got me fooled again ♪

♪ See, I work in a factory ♪

♪ I don't want to be late ♪

♪ I got my debts to pay for ♪

♪ Gonna have to wait ♪

♪ If I ever see you again ♪

- ♪I will tell you why ♪ - ♪ Tell you why ♪

♪ I was low and insecure ♪

♪ Didn't want to make you cry ♪

Come, gentle night. Come, loving black-browed night.

- Give me my Romeo. And when I die',

- Sorry, sir. - Ah, Steven.

What is it today? Earthquake?

Bus hijacked by terrorists?

Or were you confined to your house by the plague?

Sir?

Romeo and Juliet, Steven. By William Shakespeare?

Okay, sit down. Oh, have you finished that essay yet?

- Uh - Steve. If it's not done by tomorrow,

I'll have to suggest to your parents that you join…

the special study periods after school.

Carry on, Wendy.

'Take him and cut him out in little stars,

and he will make the face of heaven so fine…

- that all will be in love with night., - Mark.

Can I borrow your essay?

So tedious is this day as is the night before some festival…

to an impatient child that hath new robes and may not wear them.

I'm just saying people sometimes go through a phase.

- A phase? Since I was eleven? - Eleven?

Thats how old I was when I discovered masturbation.

Mind you it was another three years…

before I realized I could do it on my own.

Stop trying to shock me. I'm un-shockable.

Stick to your own balls.

You haven't told those wankers you're gay, have you?

Oh, yeah, I announced it at assembly this morning.

I told you, no one knows.

Geez, if they thought I really was gay

Fuck me around enough because I don't smoke or play football…

and I've got an I.Q of over 25.

School full of tossers.

Oh, yeah. Bet you fancy half of 'em.

No way.

Not even him?

John Dixon. He is sex on legs.

I know. Every time I see his head boy badge…

I wish it was an invitation.

Sure wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits.

- Great poster. - Yeah, but no ones gonna see it here.

Well, why don't you take down all this artwork?

Its been here for centuries.

You can create your own notice board.

Should we ask the teacher first?

Probably.

- Are you sure this'll be okay? - Oh, it's fine.

Look, if it makes you feel easier, I'll mention it to the Head later.

-Thanks. -Look, Id better go. I've got training.

Don't work that body too hard.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

So, um, you're on the school magazine this term.

I am the school magazine. No one else could be fucked.

I could be fu Id like to help.

Whatever. Well, look

Finish clearing this lot and, um, stick that right in the middle, okay?

- Yes! - Oh, for Gods sake.

Steve, he's not coming.

The gorgeous Glen is 45 minutes late.

- He just got held up. - By his balls, I hope.

Sweetheart, I know you want me to meet him. I don't—

I just don't feel very comfortable here.

- Anyway, I've got to get home. - Not another driving lesson.

- How many have you had now? - Forty…

eight.

- You sure all you're doing is driving? - What else would we be doing?

Not all men are obsessed with sex, you know.

Who mentioned sex?

Look, you go home if you want to.

- You'll scare him off if he sees you. - Cheers!

No, I mean if he sees me with

You know what I mean.

You be careful.

♪ I feel it in my fingers ♪

♪ I feel it in my toes ♪

♪ Love is all around me ♪

♪ And so the feeling grows ♪

♪ Its written on the wind ♪

♪ Its everywhere I go ♪

♪ So if you really love me ♪

♪ Come on and let it show ♪

♪ You know I love you I always will ♪

♪ My minds made up ♪

♪ By the way that I feel ♪

♪ Theres no beginning There'll be no end ♪

♪ Cause on my love ♪

♪ You can depend ♪

♪ I see your face before me ♪

♪ As I lay on my bed ♪

♪ I kind of get to thinking ♪

♪ Of all the things you said ♪

♪ You gave your promise to me ♪

♪ And I gave mine to you ♪

♪ I need someone beside me ♪

♪ In everything I do ♪

Oh, bugger.

Meet you outside. On the bench.

♪ You know I love you I always will ♪

♪ My minds made up by the way that I feel ♪

♪ Theres no beginning There'll be no end ♪

♪ Cause on my love you can depend ♪

♪ Its written on the wind ♪

♪ Its everywhere I go ♪

- Come on. Come on. - ♪ So if you really love me ♪

- ♪ Come on and let it show ♪ - Come out.

All right, mate?

Carter, isn't it?

- Fag? - Sorry?

Oh. Thanks.

This is a nice park.

Yeah, it's nice.

Filthy habit.

- What? - Smoking.

I only started because all my mates did.

Peer pressure, they call it.

Yeah.

Peer pressure.

Don't smoke to impress me.

- You be yourself. - Yeah.

- Listen, Dixon, I - Hey, the names John.

John. About what happened in there

Forget it, mate. My mistake. I don't know what came over me.

In there it's usually a question of not knowing who came over you.

- I didn't know it was you. - I certainly didn't know it was you.

Look, lets just put it out of our minds.

You don't know why you did it either, right?

Y-You mean you're

Geez, I thought when Kevin and the guys call you names and that,

they're only taking the piss, right?

I mean, you're not really… dodgy?

- Yeah, I'm… dodgy. - Oh, fuck me.

No, I don't mean I just mean

Fuck me. I'm sorry.

Don't be. I'm not.

What are you up to now? Do you fancy going for a coffee or something, or

- I live around the corner. - No, I don't like coffee.

Anyway, I should get in some training tonight. You know, sports day.

Yeah. Good luck.

Are

Are your parents in?

- You did say no sugar, didn't you? - Yeah.

Here. It's hot.

Why don't you sit down? Theres only the bed, I'm afraid.

- Is it okay? - The bed?

- The tea. - Oh, yeah. Great.

Didn't— Didn't have you down for a soccer fan.

- I'm not. - Why all the

Oh.

- How long have you known that you're - Dodgy?

Since I was 11.

- Fuck me. Eleven years old? - Yeah.

When I was in the Cubs, there was this this porn mag being passed around,

and all the other kids were deciding which girl they liked and stuff,

and, uh, and one kid whispers to me,

Don't know what the fuss is about. Id rather see another boys willy anytime.

So, I said, So would I.

I've never really talked to another bloke about this stuff.

Oh, it's okay. I'm just interested.

Well, intrigued.

- Like, does anyone know? - Only Linda. She's a mate of mine.

- What about your parents? - Haven't got a clue.

- What if they found out? - I'm not gonna let them find out.

They'd be gutted.

Blimey!

- Oh, that must be Lindas. - And what was it doing in your bed?

- Please. - Bloody hell. A gay teddy bear.

John.

I cant. I cant handle that.

It's all right, John. Lots of gay blokes don't like kissing.

I'm not gay! Look.

I don't know why I It was just a bit of fun.

- I only came for coffee. - You don't like coffee.

Stop being so fucking clever!

John!

Hi, John.

Steven!

Steven!

What?

- Your teas ready. - I'm not hungry.

Steven, have you got something on your mind?

No.

- Is that your article? - Yeah.

- Pleased with it? - No, it's crap. Stupid.

But you were really into it.

- Come on, let's have a look. - No.

- I'm not sending it in. - Oh, God, Steven.

Why cant you see something through for once?

I mean, whats your problem?

Sorry to be such a disappointment.

- Yeah, but if they hadn't lied - They had to lie.

You don't think being up front about it would have been better?

What, like, Mom, you know that bloke Romeo?

Well, I know I'm only 14 and that, and I know he's just murdered your cousin,

but I thought he was a bit of all right, so I married him.

Well, what would you guys have done in that situation?

- Steven? - Sir?

- I said, what would you have done? - Me? When, sir?

Okay, listen. Remember that tomorrow…

You will have to recite a speech.

Any chance of borrowing camera equipment from your dad for the magazine?

No chance. He's got real down on me at the moment.

Well, could you ask him anyway? It's just I told Wendy

God, Mark, I'm not groveling to my dad just so you can impress Wendy Bates.

Oh, thanks.

- Whats up, Steve? - What do you mean, sir?

- Everything okay at home? - Everything's fine.

- Girl trouble? - I said everything's fine.

Oh, did Mark ask you about the camera?

Uh, yeah. I don't think I'm gonna be able to get one.

Oh, thats a shame. Wendys doing a piece for the magazine…

about the athletics team…

and we need some photographs You sure you cant help?

Whats with this sudden interest?

Well, I just thought doing the school magazine would be good for me.

Hmm. Okay.

Just you make sure I get it back. I need it for Richards wedding.

And yes, you do have to come.

- I'm afraid I'm a bit early. My - Ah, Mr. Armstrong.

Not to worry. I'm not quite ready myself yet, so make yourself at home.

I'll be back in a minute. Debbie, can I just check something?

Glen! God, I thought Id never see you again.

What the hell are you doing here?

I just came to borrow a camera from my dad.

- Your dad? - Its cool.

He's got no idea.

- Why did you stand me up the other day? - Please, keep your voice down.

- Did you find another man? - Right. Ready for your big moment?

Hello, darling.

I thought I told you not to wear that jacket.

Now, Mrs. Armstrong, if you'd like to just take a seat there.

Good. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Hello.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

a pair of star-crossed lovers.

A Which speech are you learning?

Romeo, Romeo, cover me in honey…

- and suck it off with a straw. - What?

- God, he's perfect. - Fancy him, do ya?

He can pass me his baton any day.

- Hi. - You girls using…

your study periods productively?

Yes, sir. I was just helping Wendy do some research.

Um, Steves gonna take the photos for us.

Its all right if he joins the magazine team, isn't it?

Uh, yeah, all right, thanks.

-John, we need to do that shoot now. - Yeah, fine.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Is that your team vest? - Yeah.

- Maybe you should wear that. - Yeah, if you want.

Well, you're the expert, Steven, so I'll leave it to you.

Hey, you know that guy who was arrested last month for flashing young lads?

- Yeah. - He's only a bloody priest.

- Was he arrested in the organ loft? - In the park.

The police say the woods are full of pervs.

Jess!

- Right on cue. - We need to talk.

Shouldn't you be somewhere else, Kevin, like remedial reading?

P.M.T., is it, Jessica?

Yeah. Post-moron tension.

Best thing you ever did dumping that wanker.

Hey, Steve, do you want to go to the woods later with a camera,

get some News of the World stuff for the mag?

No, seriously, we could write something about this.

We want the magazine to be more radical this year, right?

Well, what could be more radical than a gay story?

It's not a gay story.

- Its a pervert story. - Whats the difference?

Well, you're not gay and you're a pervert.

Something funny, Carter?

- Leave him alone, Kevin! - Queer fuck!

- Still laughing, are we? - I'm not queer.

Kevin!

Stop prattling around, Grainger.

Leave the girlies alone.

You okay?

Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

So, um, when did you and Kevin split up?

Oh, um,

a few days ago.

I-Id rather not, you know

I knew she liked him.

Yeah. He's liked her forever.

- Think shell go out with him? - Maybe.

If she finally gives up on the idea of stealing John Dixon…

away from Christina Supermodel Lindmann.

- You ever seen her? - No.

- Not even the underwear pictures? - No, I

She's not a real model. She models underwear for mail-order catalogs.

Oh.

Still, she is rather gorgeous.

I told Wendy you'd have to be pretty special to take John away from her.

Is that you, Steven?

Yeah.

I brought your photos back. They're on your desk.

Oh, thanks.

I think she likes me, but she seems, like, quite distant sometimes.

It's killing me. We're talking permanent erection here.

- Theres a medical term for that. - Uh, yeah sad bastard.

Funny. Did you see her this morning?

I'm sure she's not wearing a bra. You can see the outline

God, just ask her to go to the bloody ball with you.

- Well, it's difficult. - It could be more fucking difficult.

Do you want to go to the cinema on Sunday? If you don't pull at the ball.

- Maybe. - Go on, it'll cheer you up.

- I don't need cheering up. - Oh, yeah, right.

All right. Cinema, Sunday.

Hows, uh

- Hows tricks? - Fine.

We must stop meeting like this.

- Hi, Mr. Carter. - Hello, Linda.

- You look nice today. - So do you.

- Mrs. C. - See you Monday, Linda love.

Have a nice time, eh?

Steve!

♪ Now pretty ladies around the world ♪

♪ Got a weird thing to show you so tell all the boys and girls ♪

♪ Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too?

♪ Cause were about throw down and you know just what to do ♪

♪ Wave your hands in the air like you don't care ♪

So, thats the incredible Christina Lindmann?

Where?

The girl you've been staring at for the last 20 minutes.

Have not.

You ever thought of doing it with an older woman?

Not exactly.

♪ When you hear the call you've got to get it underway ♪

♪ Word up Its the code word ♪

♪ No matter where you say it You know that you'll be heard ♪

♪ Now all you sucker DJs ♪

Stop staring at him. It's embarrassing.

- He stares back. - In your dreams.

♪ You try to put on those airs and act real cool ♪

♪ But you're got to realize that you're acting like fools ♪

♪ Give us music, we can use it We need to dance ♪

♪ We don't have the time for psychological romance ♪

- Get off of me! - ♪ No romance, no romance ♪

♪ No romance for me, mama ♪

♪ Come on, baby tell me whats the word ♪

♪ Word up ♪

You, um

- You okay? - Yeah.

Just needed some air.

Kevin Graingers a right twat, isn't he?

You all right, my man?

- See anyone you fancy? - Mmm.

- Yeah, Jessica. - Ah, forget her. Pastures new, boy.

Pastures is right. Cows, the lot of them.

Well, you don't look at the mantle piece when you're poking the fire, do ya?

What happens if you're poking the mantle piece?

So, it was fine for six months.

He was nice,

almost, you know, romantic.

Kevin Grainger, romantic? Give me a break.

Well, then we you know,

did it.

First time for me.

And?

Oh, God, I'm not sure I should be telling all this to a bloke.

Okay. On the day after we you know,

Wendy heard him tell the lads about well, everything.

Details, graphic details.

Even what Id been saying when we were

I felt humiliated.

He said he's sorry. He said he wants me back, but

No, you deserve better than that.

Thanks.

Look, I'm fine now. Let's go back in.

Anyway, I think I'm off blokes for life.

- What about you? - Me?

Yeah, you're a real secretive one. Got a girl in your life?

No, not really.

But you'd like there to be.

- Something like that. - Who? Someone here tonight?

- Yeah. - Anyone I know?

♪ If you really want it good, girl ♪

♪ Get yourself a bad boy ♪

♪ Get it like it could be, would be Yeah, like it should be ♪

♪ If you want it to be good, girl ♪

♪ Get yourself a bad boy ♪

There you are. She looks available.

God, you'd have to be desperate.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Hi. I'm Kevin.

- And you are? - Thirsty.

- Fancy a real drink, Kirsty? - No, thanks.

Something else, then? Diet Coke?

You know, I really like… cuddly girls.

So, uh, could I see you home tonight?

He's seeing me home.

- That wanker? - No, not you, Steven.

Oy, Carter! Not exactly an oil painting, is she?

No, she's cuddly,

and until a few seconds ago, you assumed that because I'm a fat girl…

instead of some slim oil painting, Id be gagging…

for a quick one in the doorway of Toys-R-Us.

- Linda. - I can just imagine sex with you:

the pathetic fumbling to find the bra strap,

the slobbery kisses, belching into some poor girls mouth…

because you've had too much chili sauce on your kebab…

and then the main event, which is either over in seconds…

or not at all because you're too fucking pissed.

Shall I take that as a definite 'no'?

- Take it up your bum. - Thought that was his department.

Just because he's got a prick, he thinks he's Gods gift to womankind.

Sod this. If you're going to put me through this bloody torture,

we might as well at least have a dance.

♪ She wasn't easy ♪

♪ Changing rocking rolling minds ♪

♪ And things were getting shaky ♪

♪ I thought I had to leave it behind ♪

♪ But now it's so much better ♪

♪ Hey, I'm funky now in every way ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ Cant you see ♪

♪ You're everything I hoped for ♪

♪ You're everything I need ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

Don't you start!

- Sorry, I was thinking of someone else. - Charming.

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

God, it gets really boring sometimes.

You haven't got a monopoly on rejection, you know.

- At least you're not me. - Cuddly.

Sweetheart, I'm not cuddly. I'm not a big girl, I'm not well-rounded.

I'm absolutely fuckin' enormous.

The only offers I get are from dickheads like Kevin Shit-for-brains Grainger,

and even then after he's tried every other girl in the place.

At the end of the evening, dancing with the desperate.

Tsk. Men.

Look, lets have a night of debauchery while your parents are away.

I'll nip home and get a video, you can break into your mums Cinzano cellar.

Well have a threesome you, me and Mel Gibson.

- What will the neighbors think? - We are the neighbors.

Yeah. I'll put the door on the latch.

I'm changing! Down in a sec.

I said I'll be down

Hi.

Please, I

I need to

I need to use your loo.

Oh.

Its first on the right.

Shit!

Linda! I really don't feel too good.

- I think I'll just go to bed. - But

- Good night. - Steven, I really hate you sometimes.

The uh The front door was open.

I just had to, um

- Are your parents out? - Thank God.

- Coffee? - I don't like coffee!

You don't like kissing.

I'm sorry.

Please.

Help me.

- I'm— I'm worried. - I know.

- Confused. - I know.

You don't know! You're not fucking confused!

I'm getting there.

Its just

I thought Id—

It was a long time ago.

- What was? - Oh, God, I'm pissed.

About

about a year ago,

geography field trip.

We went to Cornwall with some other schools.

- You been to Cornwall? - No.

Its really, you know, nice.

Like, quite wild.

One night, I went and got drunk with this guy

Danny, from one of the other schools.

He was Well I thought he was…

a sound bloke.

Well, apart from being an Arsenal supporter.

Sound.

We had one of those giant bottles of wine.

We got really pissed.

Sitting on some rocks,

by the sea.

We got really silly. He dared me to to dive in.

He said he would if I would.

So we took all our clothe's off, counted to three and I jumped.

Christ, it was cold.

He never jumped.

He just stood there,

laughing.

He said I was a prat for doing it.

You were.

When I got out,

I was shivering.

Then he picked his sweatshirt up,

and as I sat there, he…

put it over my shoulders and…

started to

to dry me,

so, so gently.

And I felt

I felt

Take your time.

I felt sexy.

You know, aroused.

Then he kissed me,

started to t-to touch me…

all over.

God. Suddenly, I freaked, and…

I pushed him off and grabbed my clothe's and ran…

and ran.

Johnny.

We never spoke to each other for the rest of that week.

And I've never seen him since.

I told myself…

it was the wine,

the place, the sea

that it was his fault.

Then the other day with you.

And now, whenever I see you, I

I just wanna

God!

Whats wrong with me?

Shh.

It's all right.

I'm so scared.

Don't leave me.

Whoops.

Not to worry.

Well try it again next time.

Cant we do just one more?

Okay.

It's doing it again.

Its a bit stiff.

- Steven? -Just making breakfast.

I'm afraid we finished all the bacon yesterday.

Fine.

- What time are your parents due back? - Oh, they're back.

- They're down here with me. - Oh, shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Mum says if you make an honest man of me shell help you choose the curtains.

Oh, wanker. You wanker!

Hi, Mum.

I'll be home for dinner.

I'm still at Kevins.

What, did he ring?

Oh, well, we had a bit of a row yesterday,

so I went and stayed at Daves last night.

- But I'm back at Kevins now. -Are you staying in bed all day, then?

Look, Mum, I've gotta go. I'm on someone else's—

Kevins phone.

Sorry… for worrying you.

Yeah. See ya.

Shit.

By the way, you hogged the bloody duvet again last night.

- Whats up? - Could we get out of here?

Were only lying to protect other people.

Yeah, but when Kevin called you queer the other day, you denied it!

If you really do like beingI mean, how can you really like yourself…

if you deny what you are?

- All right, let's tell everyone then. - No, don't you dare!

Look, I'm sorry. I

I'm so scared.

I feel like everyones watching.

I know.

Listen, if you tell anyone, it's off.

If anyone even starts to suspect, it's off.

It's on then, is it?

Of course it's on. I

I like you a lot.

- What about Christina? - No contest.

You're a better kisser.

- Promise? - Promise.

You sure you're not getting the wrong signals?

Steve, he kissed me.

- Where? - On the ring road.

- No, I mean - On the cheek.

Oh, must be love, then.

What would you know about love?

Best you ever manage is a quick one with a complete stranger.

Linda

You're right. What would I know?

I didn't know it could be like that.

It was like everything went in slow motion.

You know, like in a film…

when two people stare into each others eyes,

- and they both just know that - Bollocks!

Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks!

I thought it was just going to be me and you.

I didn't know I was gonna get off with Wends. I didn't think you'd mind.

So, is Wendy gonna bring Jessica on all your dates, then?

I didn't know she was coming.

Hey, you don't think they're on for a threesome, do you?

Oh, God. You should have your balls surgically removed.

Gonna need them later.

You sit next to Steven.

- Hi. - Hi.

- So, where to now, then? - Aren't you off to use your balls?

Actually, I I quite fancy a burger.

- Some poor animals balls, then. - Uh, listen, I've gotta get back home.

- Me too. Walk me home? - Sure.

- See you, then. - See you.

So, where shall we go?

- Fancy a Whopper? - Sure.

We can always eat afterwards.

You know, I reckon she can really drive, she just

she just wants more driving lessons.

Its funny, but I thought Linda was the one that you liked at the ball.

- No. No, it wasn't her. - Oh.

You know, I really en I really enjoyed dancing at the ball.

-Thats what balls are for. -Well, more than that, I really enjoyed,

you know, talking and that with you.

Yeah. I enjoyed talking with you, too.

- I feel like I can relax with you. - You can.

- Yeah. Well, um, this is my house. - Oh.

Um, thanks for walking me home.

- Any time. - You mean that?

- Yeah. - Thanks.

-Jess - Lets not rush things.

Jess

Oh, bugger.

I'll catch you later. I've gotta go and see the Head.

See you later, mate.

Hi. How was training?

Look, I've already told you. Never talk to me in school.

- I just wanted to - Never!

I'm sorry, but…

we've gotta be more careful.

Weekends are best. We can meet Saturday.

Great. Oh, shit.

I've got to go to a bloody wedding on Saturday.

Playing hard to get, eh?

Shh, shh, shh.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Steve, I What are you doing tonight?

I thought we might go bowling, or something.

Oh, I'm— I'm busy tonight. Maybe some other time.

Ah, Steven. Are you ever on time for anything?

- Sorry, sir. I've got the photos. - Fine.

We were just discussing where to put your article.

- My article? - 'Millennium Generation.,

- Your newspaper article. - It won the competition.

- Oh, I hadn't heard. - Yeah.

They want to present the check on prize day.

And although the decision was difficult…

because of the high quality of the entries,

we felt your article to be the most professional,

showing true potential and a feel for the craft that is journalism.

There. Well, aren't you proud?

I'm— Were proud, really proud. Aren't we?

Mmm. And the 500 quid'll come in handy, wont it?

- I just I don't understand. - What?

I don't understand how you could have sent it in without telling me.

Well, I don't understand why you didn't.

What was it? Too much effort to lick the stamp?

Because it's rubbish!

But all that stuff about this town having nothing for someone of your age

I thought you really captured how a young person sees life.

Life?

What do you know about my life?

Look, mate, cant it wait till tomorrow?

I have to speak to her now. It's important.

Ow! Yeah, well, sos her driving.

- She's got a test in two weeks. - Do you think shell pass?

Bloody hope not.

Still, if she is gonna drive this thing, the more practice she has, the better.

Yeah, but a five-hour lesson?

Hello, Steven. We haven't seen you since Traceys christening.

Probably. Not long enough.

So, where was I?

- Shagging Bob. - It was more than that.

We… made love. God, it was better than I thought it could be.

- So gentle and kind - Steve,

- my man, hows things? - Fine.

Aren't you going to introduce us, then?

No.

Steve, whats got into you?

I'm sick of everyone assuming you're my girlfriend.

- Thats why you bloody invited me. - Well, things are different now.

Why?

Steve, you're so fucked up by all this. Just tell your parents the truth.

Yeah, why don't we get the best man to announce it?

Lins, I've got to get out of here.

- Lets go for a walk. - No, I mean out.

I want to go back to Basingstoke.

Sweetheart, no one ever wants to go back to Basingstoke.

Yeah, well, I do.

- You've got to help me. - Why?

I'll tell you if you agree to help me.

-John Dixon and me were lovers. - In your dreams!

It's true! Thats who I was with all last weekend.

We've done it loads and he loved it! He loved me!

- Steve, slow down. John Dixon - Is my lover.

If he was my girlfriend he could be here with me.

I've got to see him today. I don't know when hell be free again.

- Well, let's just go. - My dad'll freak.

He says I belong here. I don't fucking belong here.

- Darling, you're cracking up. - Don't be melodramatic.

- Faint! - What?

-Just do it! - Don't be melodramatic, just faint?

Oh, please! Then my dad'll let me take you home!

- Steven Carter, I really hate - Hate me, detest me just faint!

Oh, my God!he's

She's fainted! Linda!

- Lins! - Linda?

- She's coming round. - Where am I?

- Hi. - Hi.

- I guess your parents are in. - Yeah.

Pity.

There is one place we can go.

It's over there.

We wont have to go through all this shit after you've left school.

It'll be great. I can visit you in Oxford and

You can what?

- Come and see you in Oxford. - Christ!

What are you thinking about Oxford for? It's months away.

Guess so.

- Are you looking forward to it? - Yeah, maybe.

Well, it's funny.

I cant ever remember making a decision to go there.

Its like it's like it was something marked out for me…

by fate.

No. By my dad, I suppose.

- What, cause he went there? - Yeah.

My dad the Oxford blue in everything from rugby to cricket to tiddlywinks.

Cant blame your parents for wanting the best, though.

I'm sure I'll be the same.

Sure.

- You hoping to have kids, then? - Yeah.

Well, I mean, I suppose so.

Oh, sod it. Listen to us!

All thats centuries away.

You do want me to come and see you in Oxford, don't you?

Course I do.

Its just I've heard their rowing team have their best cox for years.

Quiet!

- I think I saw someone. - Shit!

Wed better split up.

This time you were lucky. You ran into one of us lot.

But it could have been a lot worse. You understand me, Steven?

I hope you do.

Yes, I-I think he's got the point.

Thank you very much for bringing him home. Can I show you out?

Steven.

What were you doing in those woods?

It was just a laugh. I'm sorry.

Oh, you're sorry. You're sorry.

You heard what he said. How can you have been such a stupid sod?

- Graham. - Well, use your imagination!

He could have been molested by some dirty old queer!

God, the thought of it makes me sick.

What on Gods earth possessed you?

Well, where else were we supposed to go?

Oh, God.

You don't think it's drugs, do you?

- That was a long run. - Yeah, uh, I'll get a shower.

Oh, Christina called again.

- Well, how is he? - Asleep.

I don't think it's drugs, Graham.

Well, I don't know who these so-called friends of his are,

but they're no good for him.

- What are you doing? - Whats this crap?

'Walking in the Cotswolds.,

Yeah. We have to put some stuff in from the staff.

Are you putting something new into the mag?

No.

- Yours? - Thanks.

So, you fancy eating lunch together?

Uh, I'm busy lunchtime.

Steve,

- do you like me or not? - Yeah, of course I like you.

No. Do you like me?

Um

- You kissed me the other night. - I kissed you?

And at the ball you said you had your eye on someone.

Look, Jessica, I've been meaning to talk to you

- Oh, God. - I'm sorry. It was my fault.

How could I have been so stupid?

Sorry, I Something you said?

Something I'm not allowed to say.

Did, um did you get home all right last night?

- Not exactly. - What happened?

- I was picked up by the police. - And?

Well, what do you think?

They just gave me a lecture about the park being out of bounds at night…

cause it's full of disgusting people like us.

- Are you okay? - Being a bit reckless, aren't you?

Look, um can we meet up again soon?

It's more difficult now. My parents weren't thrilled about last night.

Look.

Thats my mobile number.

If you can escape, call.

Please.

All right. I suppose I can fit you in later on in the week.

Who are you?

Answer!

Uh, is it okay if I just pop over to Lindas?

Yeah, okay. Don't be too late back.

- Hello, beautiful. - You do recognize me, then.

I was talking to the car.

Hi, Johnny. Listen, I managed to sneak out. Can you make it to the canal?

Uh, tonights not convenient. I'm busy.

Convenient? Johnny, I'm-I'm—

Hang on a minute. You're breaking up.

Wh-Whats so important you cant see me?

Um, Steve, I'm, uh I'm training.

- When do you think you'll finish? - I don't know. I've gotta go.

John. Johnny.

Sorry. We wont be disturbed again.

I'll see you soon.

- Ring me when you get back. - See ya.

Steve?

- Steve! Steve, wait! -Just get out of my life.

'Training'? What for?

- You lied to me. - Steve, will you just

- You lied to me! - Steve!

Steve, I-I haven't even spoken to Christina since the ball.

Honestly. But don't you see?

If I see her from time to time, then no one will suspect that you and me are

- Oh, so you're just using her. - Yeah! No, I mean I

If she means nothing to you why didn't you tell me you were seeing her tonight?

It cant work, John. I cant stand it.

Okay. You want the truth, right?

I wanted to see Christina tonight.

Great. So now I know.

Just listen, will you?

You don't know!

You don't know what it's like… being me.

-John. - I went out with Christina because…

I needed to feel good about…

myself.

- And did you? - All I felt

all I felt was that I was going through the motions

holding her, kissing her,

hoping wed drive past Kevin and the gang…

so they can see me with the most beautiful girl in town.

And she is. She's really

I like her.

I really like her.

Do you do you love her?

Steven, I love you.

H-How do I know that?

Well, if will make you feel better, I wont see Christina anymore.

Oh, Johnny,

don't you see thats not enough?

I want to make you feel good about yourself. I want you to be proud of us.

But you're not!

You're ashamed to be seen with me. You don't want people to know we're friends!

God, when other people are around, you don't even want to talk to me!

- I will. - Liar.

I will! J-Just one more chance. I'll prove I love you.

Please.

You need a shave.

I shaved last month.

♪ I wanna be Bobbys girl ♪

♪ I wanna be Bobbys girl ♪

♪ I wanna be Bobbys girl ♪

Blimey.

- Thought you had a driving lesson. - I have.

Hello.

Where's Bob?

You've just got to give him time.

Hell come round.

He's probably scared of commitment and stuff.

He's a bastard.

A married bastard.

A married bastard with kids.

God, Lins. I'm so sorry.

Don't feel sorry for me.

So, Julie

You don't mind if I call you Julie, do you?

Hop in.

You all right?

- Its at half past 5:00 tonight. - I don't think I can make it.

Your friends bring them, definitely. Hi, Steve.

Hi.

Got some good news. I'll meet you at the top gates at lunchtime.

These are the two, um, designs for the

Fuck me.

- Sorry, Mark? - Sorry, sir. Listen to this.

'Get Real. Anonymous. I am a pupil at this school, I am 1 6 and I am gay.,

Bloody hell!

'Someone once wrote that ones real life…

is so often the life that one does not lead.

I wish I could lead my real life.

I am writing this article because I'm angry,

and because I want to impress on all of you parents…

that your assumption that your children are heterosexual…

may be causing them pain.,

Aren't there two Ss in 'assumption'?

- Let me see this. - We cant print this.

Why not? It sounds great! It'll give people something to talk about.

Yeah, and it's a lot more interesting than 'Walking in the Cotswolds',

or whatever it could replace.

- Didn't you authorize this, sir? - No. No, I didn't.

Someone in this room did. We're the only ones with the password.

I did. It was handed in anonymously, and I thought it was well-written…

and thought-provoking.

It certainly is.

Look, I'll read it, but I'll have to talk to the Head about this.

- Can you print it out for me, Mark? - Sure.

- Why didn't you just tell me? - Yeah, right.

You could've. I told you… stuff.

Yeah, I know.

I wanted to, especially when I realized that

But I was protecting someone else.

He's a lucky guy, whoever he is.

So am I.

Hang on. You said it was someone at the ball.

So he's at this school.

Oh, wow. Who is it?

Tell me. Go on. I wont tell a soul, I promise.

It's not Mark?

- Oh, Wendy'll be - Its not Mark.

Yeah, well, I was right about one thing: You are different from other blokes.

- Shit! Bloody fascist. - What?

Alcock wont let us print that gay article.

Something about this sort of thing having no place in a decent school.

He's such a bloody fascist!

'Disgusted at Basingstoke, strikes again.

Well, thats it. Theres nothing we can do.

There is.

We can print an empty page with the word 'Censored, running across it.

We owe that much to the poor bugger who wrote it, don't we?

Oh, I'm sure the poor bugger will be delighted.

Uh, no. I'll catch you later.

- Guess what. - You're pregnant.

No. My parents are going away for the whole weekend. Well, how bout it?

Ooh, I'll have to think about it.

♪ When you're lyin' on your back in a field ♪

♪ When you're sinkin' in the bluegrass ♪

♪ And it feels so incredibly real ♪

♪ And a minute is a day passed ♪

♪ Lets get up early head for the sun ♪

♪ Just me and you my beautiful one ♪

Fuck! You bastard! You bastard!

And it's the magnificent Dixon out in front by a mile!

- Dixon wins again! - Well see about that.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh!

Hi, boss.

Oh, hi, Kev.

Um,

I was just going jogging, thought you might want to come.

Sorry, mate. Carter and me are having a swim. Join us if you like.

Oh, no. I'll finish me run.

- Catch ya later. - All right, mate.

- I cant believe you asked him in. - Its all right. He cant swim!

He cant swim?

To us.

Do you think I could persuade my parents to go and live somewhere else?

What do you want to move out of here for?

No, pillock. Id stay here.

You could come and live with me.

I don't think I could do that, Johnny.

- Why? - Its just

The wallpaper in the sitting room really clashes with the carpet.

Come here.

Will you stop worrying?

Who's worrying?

You've hardly said a word all weekend.

Sorry.

You're the one who says I'm too hard on him.

If he's made a mate of this John whats-his-name,

I'm all for it.

- He's going to Oxford, you know. - So he said.

Graham

- I'm back. - Hello.

- Good time? - Yeah, we had a wicked time.

Good.

- You were fantastic! - Steve.

I tried to find you before the race. Whats going on?

The whole schools talking about that censored page in the magazine.

Oh, that.

People are saying it was about being gay.

- Was it? - Um

- You wrote it, didn't you? - I thought it might have been you.

I cant believe you've done this. Don't you see?

People know we're mates now. Does anyone know you wrote that article?

- I think Jessica might have guessed. - Oh, shit!

Just to confirm the winner of the senior boys, 100 metres,

it was John Dixon.

I guess we should sell some more magazines.

- Its him, isn't it? - What?

You know what I mean. The one you're protecting

it's John, isn't it?

-John-fucking-Superman Dixon. -Jess

- Hi, Steve. - Uh, hi.

- This is my mum and dad. Jess. - Hello, Jess.

-Hello. -Hi. Can I interest you in a magazine?

- Oh, yes, please. - Steves winning masterpiece is in it.

- There you are. A pound. - Thank you. All right.

I better go see if I can sell some more of these.

Okay.

I'll be back in a minute.

-Jess, please! - So thats why he dumped Christina.

-Jess, please. You'll ruin everything. - I'm not gonna say anything.

I promise. But you have to be more discreet.

People aren't stupid.

The final event of the day,

the senior four by 100 metre relay, will begin in five minutes.

- Oh, John. - Hi, Dad.

-Just a quick word. - Yeah, sure.

I wanted to ask you who's Steven Carter?

What? Why?

Well, these photos of you they're fantastic.

Id really like some prints. Is Steven here today?

No! I mean, I don't know. I don't know him.

Well, you must know him if he took these photos.

- I cant remember. It was ages ago. - Raymond, I found him.

- Steven, this is Johns father. - Pleased to meet you.

Stevens been saying lovely things about the house.

- Our house? - He stayed the weekend with John.

-Ah, there you are, Steven. - Hello. We thought wed lost you.

-Sorry. -Id better go. I've got a race to run.

- Uh, John, this is my mum and dad. -John.

Uh, this is Mr. and Mrs. Dixon.

- Well, were not exactly mates. - But you came to our house.

Uh, yeah, just to give John a book he'd lent me.

But you said you were with John all weekend.

- Oh, Graham - On your marks!

- Hang on. They're starting. - Set!

Why not wait for the baton, Dixon?

Shit.

- Whats happened to him? - He said he'd meet us here.

Whats she staring at?

Maybe she's not happy about our son using her son as an alibi.

- How do you know Johns not the liar? - Stevens hiding something.

Graham, can we go and sit in the car for a moment?

Why?

Cause I've got something to tell you.

I was so fucking embarrassed.

Why did you tell your parents you were at my place?

Because I thought we were going to be honest about being friends.

Don't worry.

If anything, they've all decided I'm the one who's lying.

And why did you write that bloody article?

If Jessicas guessed then everyone'll know soon.

Johnny, we can get round this.

No, not if it means everyone finding out.

He's our son, Graham. He needs our support.

- Have you seen Steven? - Oh, sorry. No.

Cant let him be late for his award.

- Maybe he's inside. - Yeah.

Uh, you must be very proud of him.

Where are you going?

I'm going to go and watch our son get an award.

- Look, can we just - Steven, mate, I

- I'm not your mate. - Well, what are you then?

I thought I was your

It doesn't matter.

We'll be late for the awards.

Johnny, your bag.

Bastard.

Fucking bastard.

I love you, you bastard.

What the fuck?

Why are you going through Johns stuff?

- Probably getting a cheap thrill. - That right, is it, Carter?

You really are queer.

Well, Johnnys our mate, and he's not queer, right?

Say it: Johnnys not queer. Say it!

You two found my bag, or

-Whats going on? -This little queer ripped up your shirt.

He's in love with you. Thats right, isn't it?

-Johnny, I - What the fuck is this?

Wait outside.

- Johnny, I - Shut it!

Bloody hell.

Shit!

Johnny, Huttons—

You queer bastard!

For continuous sporting achievement throughout the year,

this cup goes to John Dixon!

Um, thanks.

Thank you very much.

Now, a special moment.

Some of you will already know that one of our pupils, Steven Carter,

has won The Basingstoke Recorder Young Journalist Competition.

Were delighted to welcome Roger McGregor, editor of The Recorder,

to give the prize.

- Where's Steve? - I don't know.

Ladies and gentlemen, a young man were all very proud to have at this school,

Steven Carter.

Um, Steven doesn't appear to be here yet.

So, perhaps I could ask Mr. McGregor to tell us a bit about the competition.

Ah, the wanderer returns.

Ladies and gentlemen, Steven Carter.

I-I'm very proud I-I'm very grateful to have…

won for the school.

But I, uh

I feel a bit of a fraud.

You see, I-I wrote about…

growing up as I imagined it must be for most of you,

but there was another article which was to have been…

included in the school magazine, but it was, um,

censored because it was about a young guy who just happened to be…

gay.

I-I wrote that article.

I wish you could have read it so you could understand.

This is so difficult.

I'm sick of feeling totally alone.

I want to have friends who-who-who like me for who I am.

I want to be part of a family who love me for who I am and not

not someone I pretend to be to keep their love.

I'm sick of hiding,

of being sad and… scared.

Have you any idea?

There must be more of you who feel like this

like I do frightened to speak out.

Yeah, well,

thanks for proving my point.

I'm-I'm gay.

Sorry, Mum,

Dad,

but you can bet your life you're not the only parents out there with a gay son.

It's only love.

Whats everyone so scared of?

Thanks for listening.

I didn't know you were such a drama queen.

Ow. I still cant believe I did it.

- My mum says she's known for a while. -John must be shitting himself.

I saw him running off towards the sports field white as a sheet.

Weren't you listening in there, Jess? Careful

you don't know what you might catch.

Forget him. He's a

What? Poof, queer, faggot? Anything else you can think of?

I'll tell you what else he is.

He's my son, and I'm very proud of him.

And if you do anything to hurt him,

I'll have your bollocks for earrings.

Steve, I've got a bit of a surprise for you.

Its not quite as big a deal as you telling the whole world you're gay,

- but it's a surprise anyway. - Tell me later.

I know. Why don't I tell you later?

- Where's Dad? - He's waiting in the car.

You stay here with your mates. I'll… I'll talk to him.

Hell be fine.

- Mum, I… - I know, love.

I love you too.

Mum, you're embarrassing me.

Don't be too late.

Yeah.

God, no one followed you, did they?

No.

I'm… so sorry. I

I cant believe I

You must hate me for

We've had more romantic moments.

Strange thing is,

after Id…

done that to you,

all I could think of doing was…

holding you…

to make it all right.

And I knew

I really knew

that Id never loved anyone so much.

Johnny, you do realize what I just did in there?

Be happy.

♪ You better think ♪

♪ Think about what you're tryin to do to me ♪

♪ Think, let your mind go Let yourself be free ♪

♪ Lets go back, lets go back Lets go way on way back when ♪

♪ I didn't even know you, you couldn't have been too much more than ten ♪

♪I ain't no psychiatrist?

- ♪ Ain't no doctor with degree ♪ - Ta da!

I don't believe it! I thought you said it wasn't as big a surprise as me tell

Shut your face. Fancy a drive?

♪ Think about what you're tryin to do to me?

♪ Yeah, think?

♪ Let your mind go Let yourself be free ♪

♪ Oh, freedom ♪

♪Freedom Oh, freedom ♪

♪ Yeah, freedom ♪

♪ Got to have freedom ♪

♪ Oh, freedom ♪

♪ Need me some freedom ♪

♪ Oh, freedom Got to have ♪

♪ Hey, think about it You think about it ♪

♪ There ain't nothin you could ask, I could answer you but I wont ♪

♪ But I was gonna change that but I'm not if you keep doin things I don't ♪

♪ You better think ♪

♪ Think about what you're tryin to do to me ♪

♪ Whoa-oa-oa, think ♪

♪ Let your mind go Let yourself be free ♪

♪ People walkin' around everyday, playin games and takin scores ♪

♪ Tryin to make other people lose their minds ♪

♪ Well, be careful you don't lose yours Oh, think ♪

♪ Think about what you're tryin to do to me ♪

♪ Whoo-oo-oo, think ♪

♪ Let your mind go Let yourself be free ♪

♪ You need me and I need you ♪

♪ Without each other there ain't nothin either can do ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Think about it ♪ - ♪ What you're tryin to do to me ♪

♪ Think about it, baby Think about it right now ♪

♪ Yeah, right now ♪