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1
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:03,502
Jaime, thank you
so much again
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,404
For getting us
this coat check gig.
3
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:06,472
For real.
Seriously.
4
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,339
Of course,
my babies.
5
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,375
So, there's a big rush
at the beginning
6
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,076
And at the end
of the night.
7
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,144
But for
the rest of the time,
8
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,079
You just get to chill
in the closet.
9
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,415
Kind of like me
in high school.
10
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,250
I had a lot
of fun though.
11
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,084
Here they come,
okay.
12
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:22,121
Best of luck,
ladies-- ciao.
13
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,222
Hi.
14
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,657
I think I saw this coat on
"who wore it best".
15
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,192
Guess who
wore it best?
16
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,028
You.
(chuckling)
17
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:30,863
♪♪
18
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,164
(sniffing)
19
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,109
Is this bad?
20
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,377
Who cares?
21
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,012
Oh, no.
22
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:52,351
I go to sleep dreaming
about caffeine enemas.
23
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,218
My god.
24
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,654
I have fake boobs!
25
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,623
Although, if somebody
wants to get it,
26
00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,492
It's like,
do your thing.
No, I agree.
Exactly.
27
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,528
Ooh.
Hello.
28
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,196
I'ma do one.
Okay.
29
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:06,231
Oh.
30
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,199
(with british accent)
silly benny.
31
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,501
Get me another serving
of american bald eagle
32
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,205
And then stomp on my balls
with high heels, please.
33
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,273
Thank you!
34
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,275
Oh, my!
35
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,710
Oh, my god.
36
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,112
I love how working
moves my bowels.
37
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:22,781
You want me to facetime
from the bathroom?
Yeah.
38
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,116
Cool-- just switch
to wifi.
39
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,417
Okay,
I was kidding.
40
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,086
Abbi.
(scoffing)
41
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,857
I am...
42
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:35,627
The guardian
of the coats.
43
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,597
♪ four and three
and two and one-one ♪
44
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,066
♪♪
45
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,873
Thank you.
Yep.
46
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,276
(water running)
47
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,511
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
48
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,047
I'm also working
the event tonight.
49
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:55,547
Coat check.
50
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:59,251
Working for the man, right?
(chuckling weakly)
51
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,454
I'll see you.
52
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,024
I'll probably see
you again-- yeah.
53
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,093
(muttering)
54
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:14,299
♪♪
55
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,758
(door opening)
ab.
56
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,959
Ab, ab, ab.
57
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,161
Abbi?
58
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,762
Prank!
Yes!
59
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:44,163
Dude.
60
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:47,232
I just saw the hottest girl
I have ever seen.
61
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,669
We had the most
incredible spark.
62
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,372
You're right--
I have to find her.
63
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,740
I didn't say anything.
64
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,075
Here,
take my tickets.
65
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,477
Wait--
wait, wait, wait.
66
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,412
These are supposed to be
with the coats.
67
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:00,779
No.
68
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,148
We put the tickets in the tip
jar at the end of the night.
69
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,917
Then people find
their matching ticket.
70
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,051
That proves the coat's
theirs.
71
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,419
That's how
the coat check works.
72
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,554
No, that's not
how coat check works.
73
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,557
They're supposed to be
on the hangers with
the corresponding coat.
74
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:15,227
Thank you for always encouraging
me to follow my heart.
75
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:15,827
I love you.
76
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,797
Again, that's not
what I said.
77
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,132
(bleep).
78
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,300
You guys.
79
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:21,867
(bleep).
80
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,136
(people talking,
background music playing)
81
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:26,872
(waiter)
ladies? Any cheesecake?
82
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,242
Jaime!
83
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:30,776
Hey, baby.
84
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,744
I just met the most
beautiful stranger.
85
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:33,812
I need to find her.
86
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,981
Okay, baby, you take this tray
of the mini cannolis.
87
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:40,986
Through the power of the italian
dessert, she'll come to you.
88
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,287
Genius.
89
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,323
Good luck now.
90
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,393
(man)
excuse me, miss?
91
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:51,997
(man 2)
waitress!
92
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,166
(people chattering)
93
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,133
We're having
fun, guys, right?
94
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:58,470
I mean, let's just remember
this is a charity event.
95
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,773
All right, who's got
a marc jacobs peacoat?
96
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:02,808
Oh, okay.
97
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:03,742
Small or medium?
98
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,878
(both women)
small.
99
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,981
It's medium.
100
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,920
I wear a medium,
it's not a big deal.
101
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,055
Who's got
the chanel jacket?
102
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,390
Mine!
103
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,626
That was
a trick question.
104
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:21,960
There is no chanel.
105
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,062
Do not play me,
guys!
106
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,464
Not today!
107
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,732
(woman)
miss!
108
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,767
Miss?
109
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,841
(chuckling softly)
110
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,777
(both)
I was looking for you.
111
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,712
(both)
me too!
112
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,552
(sniffing deeply)
113
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:55,727
Hi.
114
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:57,729
I'm adele.
115
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,864
I'm ilana.
116
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:02,834
Would you wanna
split that cannoli?
117
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,570
(both moaning,
laughing lightly)
118
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:08,006
You wanna
get out of here?
119
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,675
(exhales sharply)
120
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,312
There you go.
Thanks.
121
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,447
Hi there.
122
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:17,582
Hey.
123
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,019
(quietly)
be cool. Be cool.
124
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,821
Be yourself,
but be cool.
125
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,222
(hangers clattering)
126
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:27,459
Okay, I'm just getting
kelly ripa's coat.
127
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,901
All right.
128
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,837
I brought
a couple back.
129
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,705
Check these out.
130
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,574
Hmmm, none of these
are mine.
131
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,343
Could it
still be back there?
132
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:47,979
These are actually
the only ones left.
133
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:48,580
I'm so sorry.
134
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,350
I think someone took
yours by accident.
135
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,451
Oh.
136
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,452
(bleep).
137
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,720
I love
that coat.
138
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,254
Oh, (bleep).
139
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,089
Huh.
140
00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:59,758
Wait, um,
miss ripa?
141
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,727
I promise you
that I will--
142
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,061
I will get that coat
back for you.
143
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,262
'cause we here
in the coat room,
144
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,298
We take these matters
very seriously.
145
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,567
And by "we,"
I mean me.
146
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,501
Okay.
147
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,670
Um, here.
148
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,139
I'm gonna write down
my information
149
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,941
In case it turns up,
okay?
150
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:19,678
Wow, your, um, your handwriting
is really beautiful.
151
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,079
It's like
a seven-year-old.
152
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,014
I've had a few.
(chuckling)
153
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,116
What's your name
again?
154
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:26,885
Oh,
it's kelly.
155
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,286
(chuckling)
it's hope.
156
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,921
It's
faith.
157
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,655
Um.
158
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,057
My name,
um, is abbi.
159
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,359
That's what
my parents gave me.
160
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,828
Okay. Well.
When I was born.
161
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,697
Nice to meet you.
Thanks.
162
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:39,197
Thank you.
163
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,766
You know, thank you
for your talent
164
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,668
And for
your role modelness
165
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,171
And just being like,
for being, you know--
166
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,973
(thudding)
167
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:53,378
(abbi)
no.
168
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,846
Because you're
such a bobo,
169
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,548
I have the opportunity
of a lifetime
170
00:06:56,550 --> 00:07:01,787
To find and return kelly
ripa's coat to her home, dude.
171
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,389
I mean, she, she's
america's sweetheart.
172
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,958
I really feel like
we just hit it off.
173
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,293
I'ma help you, b.
174
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,061
I'ma help you
achieve.
175
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,129
Oh,
is that a hickey?
176
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,631
It's very
seventh grade.
177
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,432
I know!
178
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:17,235
I had my first simultaneous
orgasm last night
179
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,171
And adele and I
only kissed.
180
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,139
I think this is what
love might feel like.
181
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,308
(gasping)
oh, my god--
empty lounge chairs!
182
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,143
There's never
empty lounge chairs!
183
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,077
Go, go, go, go!
184
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,479
No, no, no!
No!
185
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,246
Whoo!
All right.
186
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,950
This is the last coat that was
left at the event last night.
187
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,253
All we have to do is find
this person, get kelly's coat,
188
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:39,357
And then I can deliver it to her
like, beautifully toned arms.
189
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,892
Then I can die
whenever.
190
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,260
Not too soon,
please.
191
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:45,697
Also, I found
a clue.
192
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,200
Oh, my g--
yaas!
193
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:51,236
♪♪
(traffic honking)
194
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:58,877
Welcome.
(moaning suggestively)
195
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,780
Um, I think
I have your coat.
196
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:02,314
Wait.
197
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,849
You're not here
for the orgy?
198
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,284
No.
Not really.
(scoffing)
199
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,787
Maureen!
200
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:10,722
Can I help you?
201
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,190
Hi, uh, I think you
left your coat
202
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,625
At the charity event
last night.
203
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:17,762
No, that's my ex's.
He moved out last week.
204
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,097
That's why
I'm having an orgy.
205
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,800
I just felt so restricted in
this relationship, you know?
206
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,168
We've been
together how long?
207
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,102
I still never saw
his nipples.
208
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,571
How does that happen?
I don't understand that.
209
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,340
Maureen!
(cat meowing)
210
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:32,410
(chuckling)
oh, sorry, I gotta dive
back in there.
211
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:32,944
Wait!
212
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,813
Do you think you could give me
his new address?
213
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,048
'cause I need
to return this coat.
214
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,351
It's really important.
Fine.
Fine.
215
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,886
But could you drop off
some stuff he left here?
216
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,054
I'm not leaving
any time soon.
217
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,623
Okay.
Sure.
218
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,458
Cool, thanks.
219
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,561
Oh, wait.
220
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:52,497
Forgot his civil war
(bleep).
221
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,800
Oh-- there's a lot of people.
Okay.
(door slamming)
222
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,270
♪♪
223
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,973
So this coat
is yours.
224
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,809
I'm so embarrassed
I took the wrong coat.
225
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:05,677
Sorry.
226
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,045
Just one second.
227
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,347
(maureen's ex)
so you met maureen,
huh?
228
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,382
She's pretty
phenomenal.
229
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,051
We're just on kind
of a break right now,
230
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,519
But I got
her favorite dinner
231
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:17,389
And I think we're going to work
out all our issues tonight.
232
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,423
Hope it wasn't
too much trouble.
233
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:22,227
Uh, no, I would have gone
to so much worse 'cause, um,
234
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,796
That's actually
kelly ripa's coat.
235
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,931
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
236
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,500
This is
kelly ripa's coat?
237
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,168
Um.
Mm-hmm.
238
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,203
I'm an enormous
kelly ripa fan.
239
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,306
So is--
america's
sweetheart.
240
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:35,173
The nation.
241
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,107
She's my favorite.
242
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,743
I can't give you
the coat back, I'm sorry.
243
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,345
I'm going to have
to keep the coat.
244
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,714
No, you are not.
Ugh!
245
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,817
Yeah, I am gonna
keep the coat 'cause--
246
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,018
I'm sorry, sir.
No--
247
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,887
I'm not leaving
without the coat.
248
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:49,921
I'm keeping the coat.
249
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,957
I'm keeping it.
Yes, I am.
250
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,359
Drop the coat,
mother(bleep)!
251
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,528
Drop the (bleep)
coat!
252
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:57,329
(ilana)
oh, my god.
253
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,431
(scoffing)
the pistol doesn't
shoot, honey.
254
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,533
It's a 1782
ketland flintlock.
255
00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,702
It's priceless 'cause
my father gave it to me,
256
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,803
But it will
not shoot.
257
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:08,840
Okay, well, then I'm gonna--
I'm gonna smash this!
258
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:09,307
No.
259
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,475
I will shove it
through--
don't do that!
260
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,478
I will ruin it!
Don't do that!
Okay, okay, okay!
261
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,013
Put it down.
262
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,381
Get it.
263
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,291
Jesus, who are
you guys?
264
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,628
Your worst
nightmare.
265
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:35,567
Okay,
hey, dude.
266
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:37,569
You don't need to go
to maureen's tonight.
267
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:40,739
She was,
she was full.
268
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,975
She was hosting an orgy.
269
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,378
What?
Okay.
Sorry.
270
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,147
(door slamming)
271
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,049
I like
orgies.
272
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,985
Okay, so adele is just
about to meet us.
273
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,521
I just want to let you know
that it's mostly sexual.
274
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,856
She's not
replacing you.
275
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,991
I don't feel threatened--
thanks though.
276
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:00,725
I'm just surprised.
277
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:02,560
You never want me to meet
anybody you're with.
278
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,229
The only reason
I met lincoln
279
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,564
Is because you forgot you
were with him one time.
280
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,732
Oh, there she is.
281
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,769
I don't know what it
is about this girl.
282
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,805
(abbi)
um, I think I know
what it is.
283
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,473
Hey.
Hey.
284
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:16,875
Hi.
285
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,689
(both laughing breathlessly)
286
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,024
Adele,
this is abbi.
287
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,059
Abbi, adele.
288
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:34,726
Hey.
Hi.
289
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,860
So nice to finally
meet you.
290
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,096
I've heard so much about you,
seen so many photos.
291
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,330
I feel like
I already know you.
292
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,232
Yeah, it's like--
that's crazy.
293
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,400
I feel like
I know you too.
294
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,535
Adele, it was so nice
meeting you.
295
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:48,239
Um, I gotta go see about
a girl and get her coat back.
296
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:52,544
Dude, uh, she looks
exactly like you.
297
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,145
So.
298
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,381
See ya.
(adele)
bye.
299
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,089
Ooh.
300
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,623
Oh.
(both laughing)
301
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,568
Um, I'm here
to see miss ripa.
302
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,869
Right this way.
303
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:18,870
Okay.
304
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,306
(elevator dinging,
doors rattling)
hi.
305
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:24,242
I cannot believe
you found my jacket.
306
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,344
Thank you so much.
Come on in.
307
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,346
I hope it wasn't
too much trouble.
308
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,250
No, it was the perfect
amount of troubles.
309
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,351
So much fun.
310
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,420
Whoa, bed bath and beyond
coupons.
311
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,556
(both)
yeah, I practically
live there.
312
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,625
That's my favorite
store.
313
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,560
You want a drink?
314
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,261
Yeah.
I'd-- yeah.
315
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,663
Mark had to take
the kids to telluride
316
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,767
For a capoeira festival,
so...
317
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,734
I love a cappella.
318
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,736
Hey, will you
do me a favor?
319
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,505
Can you take
your shoes off?
320
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,305
Um, sure.
321
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,674
Put on a pair
of those.
322
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,644
We're
a shape-ups family.
323
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,683
(seductive music playing)
324
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,224
You a 28hh?
325
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,827
Yeah,
you got it.
326
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,862
Weird.
Me too.
327
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:23,568
You know, kelly, I gotta say,
your apartment is beautiful.
328
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,203
Oh, thanks.
329
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,371
It's rent
controlled.
330
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:29,974
I only pay
600 bucks a month.
331
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:30,942
Really?
332
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,343
Of course not!
333
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,678
Prank!
334
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,246
I love pranks!
335
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,315
Oh.
Oh, my.
336
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,318
I can't believe we finished
a whole bottle already.
337
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,319
Oh.
338
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:41,886
That's okay.
339
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:45,690
I've been meaning to
crack open a special batch.
340
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,958
Here you go.
341
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,728
Whoa,
what is that?
342
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,865
Moonshine!
343
00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:00,505
Oh, my god.
344
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,007
Do we have
the same exact tattoo?
345
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,610
No, that's
your arm.
346
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:06,377
Oh, right.
347
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,613
Right, right, right.
(chuckling)
348
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,985
(slurring)
strahan keeps sending me
all these gift baskets
349
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:18,990
To butter me up because
he wants to switch sides
350
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:24,295
And everybody knows, first of
all, that I sit camera left.
351
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,597
Everyone knows that.
352
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,065
Everybody knows.
353
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:30,101
You know what I think
about sitting camera right?
354
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,603
I'll show you-- this--
355
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:36,174
I'll show you what I think about
sitting camera right right now.
356
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:42,347
Ah ha!
(thudding)
357
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,948
Oh, (bleep),
dude!
358
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:46,351
That's the street!
Oh, (bleep)!
359
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,185
I gotta take a whiz.
360
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,087
And I'll tell you what,
when I get back,
361
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,257
I wanna see that big-ass
mother(bleep) basket
362
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,493
Down next to my little-ass
mother(bleep) basket.
363
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,662
Are you kidding?
364
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:03,201
(music continuing)
365
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:07,605
Okay.
(clearing throat)
366
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,208
Could we turn off
the lights maybe?
367
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,411
Oh, but I wanna see
your cute little face.
368
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,646
Cool.
369
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,014
Uh, okay.
370
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,916
One second.
371
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,752
Okay.
372
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:21,819
Um.
373
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,821
Okay,
that's better.
374
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,403
♪♪
375
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,080
Holy (bleep).
376
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:50,782
♪♪
377
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,385
(kelly)
abbi!
378
00:15:57,089 --> 00:16:01,192
What a beautiful
kitchen!
379
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,393
Thanks.
380
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,596
What, uh,
what, uh--
oh, don't worry.
381
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:09,000
It'll just give us
trippier visuals.
382
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,903
Buckle up,
buttercup.
383
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,304
You only live once,
right?
384
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,574
(man)
♪ break it down
break it don't stop ♪
385
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,309
Yes, queen.
386
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,577
Yes,
queen.
387
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,778
Yes, queen.
388
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:21,679
Yes,
queen.
389
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,948
♪ break it down
don't stop ♪
390
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,515
(moaning)
391
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,019
♪ break it down
don't stop, don't stop ♪♪
392
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:28,720
Oh, my god.
393
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:30,355
Stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
394
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,690
What's wrong?
Too much teeth?
395
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,859
No, the biting
was dope.
396
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,761
I just...
397
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,930
It's too weird.
398
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,598
What's too weird?
Okay.
399
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,766
I wanna put
this delicately
400
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,835
'cause I don't want
to freak you out too much,
401
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:49,741
But it came to my attention
that we look exactly alike.
402
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,011
Yeah,
no (bleep).
403
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,112
You knew?
404
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,646
I'm not blind,
I mean,
405
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,983
Isn't that why you approached
me in the first place?
406
00:16:58,985 --> 00:16:59,851
No.
407
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,053
I was drawn
to your aura.
408
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,389
And your scent,
you know.
409
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,692
And your curls
and your cheeks.
410
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,926
Of course
I'm drawn to myself.
411
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,795
I masturbate
in the mirror!
412
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:11,396
Me too!
413
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,031
That's what's
so hot about it.
414
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,066
It's like hooking up
with yourself.
415
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:15,700
I know, but--
416
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,170
I have sex with people
different from me,
417
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:19,737
You know?
418
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:23,841
Different colors, different
shapes, different sizes.
419
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,877
People who are
hotter, uglier.
420
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,546
More smart,
not more smart.
421
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,680
Innies, outies.
422
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,349
I don't know--
a catholic person.
423
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:35,186
Nobody knows our bodies
the way that we do.
424
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,721
Look.
425
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,056
Your g spot...
426
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,526
Is right here.
(gasping)
427
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,961
(sputtering)
428
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,730
Too intense.
Too intense.
429
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,898
Oh, my god.
430
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,399
I lost my vision.
431
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,634
Yeah,
for a second.
432
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,269
I don't know
though.
433
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,036
I don't know.
434
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,938
It's like,
creepy to me.
435
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,306
I'm sorry.
436
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,975
That's lame,
but yeah.
437
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:00,945
Listen.
438
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,914
We should still
stay in touch
439
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,416
For organ donation
or jury duty.
440
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,152
Mm-hmm.
441
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,220
You want?
442
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,321
Oh, no.
443
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,890
I don't smoke pot.
444
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:20,832
I gotta say, like,
you're much wilder than I...
445
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,800
(air puffing)
446
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,402
(both laughing drunkenly)
447
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,838
You're, like, much wilder
than I thought you were.
448
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,073
Like, I didn't know.
I know.
449
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,008
(slurring)
a lot of people think
that because
450
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,311
I'm on the "morning show"
451
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:37,648
That I have to be like,
america's good girl.
452
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,082
Totally.
453
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,018
And I'm just like,
at this place in my life
454
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,254
Where I've accomplished
a lot.
455
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,589
So much, man.
456
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,123
Yeah.
457
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,226
I literally don't even
give any (bleep).
458
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,429
Like,
I hate (bleep).
459
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,763
They're the worst.
460
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,098
Seriously, you have
to pull me harder
461
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,435
'cause I can't even get into
a full pretzel like this.
462
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,536
What do you mean?
463
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,604
What is a pretzel?
464
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,206
Why are we
doing this?
Stretch.
465
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,975
I like it,
but what is it?
466
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,644
(elevator dings,
door opens)
467
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,515
(kelly laughs drunkenly)
468
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,582
Abbi.
469
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:15,553
You get first pick.
(chuckling)
470
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:18,556
First... ?
471
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,690
I...
472
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:25,530
I, like, haven't waxed my body
in a long time, you know?
473
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:29,667
So like, I gotta,
I gotta be going.
474
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,769
Thank you so much.
No.
475
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:32,637
For like, everything.
476
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,072
All the drugs
and stuff.
Abbi, no.
477
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,708
I have to.
No, abbi, no!
478
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:38,843
Abbi!
(foot stomping)
479
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,779
I ordered domino's
for after!
480
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:46,450
You know, maybe I should
have (bleep) that prostitute.
481
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:50,888
I mean, he was actually kind
of hot in like, a scary way.
482
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,624
And I bet he doesn't even
care if I waxed or not.
483
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,927
They don't care
if you're waxed.
484
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:59,597
Listen, if a prostitute's
what you want,
485
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:02,133
I can make that happen.
486
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:04,001
Really?
487
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:04,936
Yeah.
488
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:05,770
That'd be insane.
489
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,138
That'd be, like,
so badass.
490
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:08,706
I can make
the call.
491
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:12,743
They could get here
in 25 minutes.
492
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,145
For real?
493
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:15,513
Yeah.
494
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,381
Grab my phone.
495
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,749
I'll do it.
496
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,755
Here goes.
497
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,224
We get to pick
what they look like?
498
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,425
We get to pick
our names?
499
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,828
Fuerta
would be my name.
500
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:31,729
Charlie.
501
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,831
Oof.
As a girl.
502
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,265
Ooh.
503
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,901
All right, I'm gonna
be spontaneous.
504
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,336
Let's go.
Go. Call.
505
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,303
Okay,
here we go.
506
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,005
Own up.
I'm ready.
507
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,808
Okay, I don't know
any prostitutes.
508
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,009
You're letting me
make the call!
509
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,278
I don't know!
You were going with it!
510
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,847
I just wanted to see
what would happen!
511
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,283
Kelly has really
changed you.
512
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:58,256
Do you know someone you could
call to make the call?
513
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:16,507
Jesus
of nazareth.
514
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,009
Or kanye west.
515
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:21,412
Jesus or yeezus--
you decide.
33797
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