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1
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:03,168
♪♪
2
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,104
(crowd cheering)
3
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:26,291
(crowd cheering)
4
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:38,337
(crowd cheering)
5
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,905
(growling)
6
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,783
(crowd cheering)
7
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,722
(man)
excuse me.
8
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,123
Excuse me!
9
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,025
Hey... Excuse me.
10
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,593
Excuse me!
11
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,164
You guys sound so good.
12
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,800
I'm a record producer, and I've
been looking for two drummers
13
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,968
For a project
that I'm starting.
14
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,804
Oh my god.
15
00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:14,473
This is it.
Are you serious?
16
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,008
No, I'm not serious.
17
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:19,011
I work here, and I need
you guys to leave.
18
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,514
Time to go.
19
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:24,950
Four!
Four!
20
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,519
♪ and three and two
and one-one ♪
21
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:31,423
♪♪
22
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,594
(ilana)
I love "scarface," dude.
23
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,129
(abbi)
we just watched that.
24
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,497
Cocaine and incest,
baby.
25
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,364
Can't get enough.
26
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,632
Wait, what about
"food, inc."?
27
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,900
That's supposed to be like
really life-changing
28
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,536
And eye-opening and like
a really important film to see
29
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,271
About where our food
comes from and stuff.
30
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,141
And then the whole
corn issue.
31
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:53,078
Sometimes it's the less you
know, though... You know?
32
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:53,545
No.
33
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,646
Dude, I wonder
what kind of food
34
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,315
They're going to have at
the dog wedding today.
35
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,050
Let's watch
the e-vite again.
36
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,084
Yeah!
37
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,519
(chuckling)
38
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,691
(barking happily)
39
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,559
(chuckling)
40
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,594
I love it!
41
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,729
It really is
a masterpiece.
42
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:11,563
Oh my god.
43
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,531
Why is that shot in there?
44
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,367
It's animated, it didn't
need to be in there at all.
45
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,068
(laughing)
46
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,136
Not to be
like a downer
47
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:21,006
But did you know that people
steal people's dogs
48
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:21,707
And then sell them?
49
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,276
There's a "judge judy" episode
about that where this guy is
50
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,112
Like reunited with
his dog, who was taken.
51
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,847
Yes, baby boy!
Yes!
52
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,216
Wait, is "judge judy"
still on right now?
53
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,552
We should watch that.
54
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,755
Holy (bleep), dude.
55
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,491
"judge judy"
ran for 18 seasons.
56
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,360
Jesus christ!
57
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,729
Judge judy's
net worth is...
58
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:48,834
(bleep)
59
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,102
... Dollars.
60
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,069
Wait, keep that face.
61
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:54,573
I gotta take a pic
and capture your deep,
62
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,542
Deep judy discovery.
63
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,876
(cell phone clicking)
64
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,144
Oh, so good.
65
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,112
I'm gonna 'gram it.
66
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:03,348
No filter.
All right, fine.
67
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,119
Whoa...
68
00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:13,325
♪♪
69
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,952
(fax machine screeching)
70
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,421
(computer alert chiming)
71
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,625
What up, my queen?
72
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,096
Ahh!
Ahh!
73
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,198
Jesus, I forgot you were
in the (bleep) room!
74
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,100
Holy (bleep), dude,
how did we forget
75
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,802
That we were
here together?
76
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,136
What is wrong with us?
77
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:58,971
I feel like
I blacked out.
78
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:01,673
We were so tapped into
the worldwide bloodstream,
79
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:05,310
We fell into
the lint roll matrix.
80
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,346
What time is it?
81
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:09,715
Oh god.
(hissing)
82
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,851
All right, we need
to go outside for real
83
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,487
And live like normal people.
84
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,190
Let's just get dressed
and go to the wedding.
85
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:21,560
Dude, can you imagine if
we left our phones here?
86
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,462
We would be
totally off the grid.
87
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:27,699
It would be like breathing
air for the first time.
88
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:28,133
Right?
89
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,003
It's like all we do is
wake up, sign in and...
90
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:31,870
(imitating electric shock)
91
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,473
We are plugged into
the matrix all day.
92
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:38,176
Gmail, grindr, facebook,
facetime, insta, grindr,
93
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,378
Tumblr, twitter, dlisted.
94
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,045
Jesus christ!
95
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,381
And then we have to rip
the plug out to go to sleep,
96
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,182
Rub one out,
rinse and repeat.
97
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,652
We have these auto-responses
programmed--
98
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:47,953
(cell phone vibrating)
99
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:48,520
Hello?
100
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:49,888
(lincoln)hey, what up, ilana?
101
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:50,822
Hey, boy, what up?
102
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,257
Do you know if your brother's
wearing a tie
103
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,125
To the wedding today?
104
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,660
Dude, I'm not
my brother's keeper.
105
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,194
I'm just trying to gauge
the dress code.
106
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,396
I don't want tobe overdressed,
107
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,531
But I really don't want
to be underdressed.
108
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,566
You think a dog tie
is too on the nose?
109
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:02,301
No, it's perfect.
110
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,936
You look great
in themed clothing.
111
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:05,570
Thank you.
112
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,506
And... I'm not patronizing you,
113
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,208
But did you remember
the rings?
114
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,943
Well, not to
"patronize" you,
115
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,112
But of course I have
the rings.
116
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,181
They're on
abbi's toes.
117
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,149
See you there.
118
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,884
Top dog.
Later.
119
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,589
Welcome toanother installment of
120
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,724
"how to" with dr. Whiz.
121
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,793
Today I'm gonnashow you how to tie
122
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,894
A windsor knot.
123
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,761
Let's begin.
124
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:30,729
Take the little guy
125
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,664
And place him in frontof your neck.
126
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,499
Clap if you understand.
127
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,537
Ab-dude, we should roll
to the wedding.
128
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,306
We'll take in
more nature faster.
129
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,008
Yes.
These are jaime's.
130
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,710
We got these after
hurricane wanda
131
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,677
For future emergencies.
132
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,379
They'll obviously
be huge, but...
133
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,614
Yeah, I mean, we can maybe
stuff some newspaper in
134
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,583
Around my negative space
in my foot or something,
135
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,818
Or sponges, if we have.
136
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,820
You know, you could wear
a bunch of socks
137
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,922
Or cotton balls.
138
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,023
They-- they fit me.
139
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,524
They're a little
snug, actually.
140
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,059
Really?
Yeah.
141
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,862
Uh, I knew that--
I knew that they would.
142
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,199
I was just being
optimistic.
143
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,267
No, that's cool, dude.
144
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,103
That's cool.
145
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,237
Yeah.
146
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,538
(whispering)
that's cool.
147
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,741
♪♪
148
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,212
♪ that's the way ♪
149
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,413
♪ way you do ♪
150
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,048
♪ that's the way ♪
151
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,316
♪ way you do ♪
152
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:26,852
♪ we do
that's the way we do ♪
153
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:27,953
♪ we don't take it ♪
154
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,621
♪ that's the way
we do ♪
155
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,189
♪ that's the way ♪
156
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,157
♪ way you do ♪
157
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,692
♪ that's the way ♪
158
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,394
♪ way you do ♪♪
159
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,263
Man, this is
great.
160
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,464
I love breezes.
161
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:42,601
Nature is seriously
amazing.
162
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,703
So where's this
dog wedding?
163
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:45,871
Oh my god.
164
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:46,471
I don't know.
165
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:47,472
We gotta go back
and get our phones.
166
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,275
No, you're not going back
to that life right now.
167
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,476
Come on,
we can do this.
168
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,110
Yeah, you know what?
169
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:55,914
If our foremothers can find
countries without phones,
170
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,683
We can find
a dang dog wedding.
171
00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,217
Exactly.
172
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,419
We are addicted
to the matrix, dude.
173
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,421
Admitting it is the first step
in the road to recovery.
174
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,791
I mean, all I'm thinking about
right now is my (bleep) phone.
175
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,359
I miss the blue light.
176
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,261
Ooh, I wanna marry
the blue light.
177
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,129
But you know what?
We need to be present.
178
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,432
We can go a couple hours
without our phones.
179
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,966
What are we, teenagers?
180
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,202
(gasping)
boys!
181
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,003
Yum.
182
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:21,673
Oh my god,
look at their... Bodies.
183
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,742
If I had my phone
right now,
184
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:26,211
I would tinder
the (bleep) out of like
185
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,046
All those beefcakes.
186
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,115
You don't need
tinder for these dudes.
187
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,752
You've got tinder
right here, irl.
188
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,053
Wanna "fook"?!
189
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:35,987
(laughing)
190
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:36,621
What?
Ilana!
191
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:40,025
Oh, it's not big,
it's like wanna "fook"?
192
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,126
(laughing)
193
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,461
I am not down
for that.
194
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,630
Oh my god,
somebody's gonna love...
195
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,232
Wanna "fook"?
196
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,100
You are insane.
197
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,936
We're in a park right now.
198
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,003
Ab, try it.
199
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:52,938
Live in the moment.
200
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,805
You just said that to me.
201
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,375
Our foremothers didn't
pin dudes on (bleep) tinder.
202
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,478
They'd spray their
pheromones all over
203
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,480
And yell,
"wanna 'fook'?"
204
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,681
Come on.
205
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,816
All right.
206
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,285
Wanna "foooook"?
207
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,188
Yes, dude,
it worked.
208
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,728
I got it!
Cute.
209
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,032
Oh...
Jesus.
210
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,568
I'm good!
211
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:27,706
(abbi)
man, my first impression is
always better on tinder.
212
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,075
I suck without
the internet, dude.
213
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,612
It's like I'm too real
for it, you know?
214
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,113
Being off the matrix
is gonna make us
215
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,748
Plug in more
consciously.
216
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,816
Like that day we
went off sugar.
217
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,818
How much sweeter were
sour straws after that?
218
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,785
So much sweeter.
219
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:41,753
God, you're right.
220
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,288
One day off the matrix
is gonna make us
221
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:43,922
So much stronger.
222
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,257
(ilana)
dude, I think we're
going too fast.
223
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,157
We're gonna
have to bail.
224
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,492
What do you mean, bail?
Bail!
225
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,261
Bail!
What do you mean, bail?
226
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,429
Oh (bleep),
I can't stop!
227
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,032
Ilana!
Abbi!
228
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,834
(branches snapping)
229
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,903
(thudding)
230
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,641
Oh my god!
231
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,808
Are you okay?
232
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,076
My foot really hurts.
233
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,212
I think I sprained it.
Oh my god, dude.
234
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:11,116
Jaime's blades were too big
for your bony, dainty feet.
235
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:11,850
Yeah, that was it.
236
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,185
My feet were probably
too small for them.
237
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,289
That's what--
that's what did it.
238
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:18,590
Ilana, this is really deep.
239
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:19,991
I don't think
I can climb out.
240
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,960
And we don't even have
our phones.
241
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,328
We can't
even call for help!
242
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:24,663
What if I jump down
in there,
243
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,464
And then we scream
for help together?
244
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,366
No, you need to
go get help.
245
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,000
Are you kidding?
246
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,969
God, I wish we had our phones
so we could facetime
247
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,504
While I go get help.
248
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,806
Ilana, what?
249
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,942
Okay, we got this.
250
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,742
Nbd, sister.
251
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:41,146
I need you to smoke two joints
for the pain, immediately.
252
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,381
We got nuts and figs
for sustenance,
253
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,550
And lanyard
for entertainment.
254
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,618
You mean gimp?
255
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,620
You wanna argue about
what it's called right now?
256
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,854
You, in the hole?
257
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,122
No.
258
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,924
Okay, I'm gonna brb.
259
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,559
I'm going to find eliot
and lincoln stat.
260
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,994
We're going to get
you out of the hole.
261
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,128
I don't want these figs.
262
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,631
I don't like
the little beads in 'em.
263
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,001
Why is there a hole here?
264
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:03,602
Jeez!
265
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,070
Okay,
I'll be right back.
266
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,171
Be good.
267
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,606
Wait, ilana.
268
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,710
Yeah?
269
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,411
I do want the figs.
270
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,213
Good choice.
271
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,652
(crow squawking)
272
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,854
♪♪
273
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,095
Hey, d-d-d-do not
touch that!
274
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,329
Those are
the dog quiche!
275
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,232
I'm sorry I snapped,
I'm very sorry.
276
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:37,202
Somebody
switched the dog quiche
277
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,403
With the human quiche.
278
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,204
It's okay, man.
279
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,039
We'll just
switch 'em back.
280
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,374
I just checked in
with the bride.
281
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,310
Her heart is racing,
but that's not unusual.
282
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,945
Chihuahuas' hearts
always race.
283
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,514
They were bred
as like a joke.
284
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,584
She may just have
a case of cold paws.
285
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,184
(laughing)
286
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,220
Cold paws is a very
serious disease
287
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,721
In the chihuahua community.
288
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:57,689
Poor toe circulation.
289
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,692
It's the number-one killer
of chihuahuas.
290
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,763
Cold paws, cold feet,
you get why I--
291
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,865
This wedding is a disaster.
292
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,267
I'm sweating my
(bleep) nuts off.
293
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,569
I need you to
block me from brandon
294
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,738
So that he doesn't see my
enormous sweat glands.
295
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,306
Eliot, relax, man.
296
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,042
This is a beautiful setup
you got here.
297
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,810
I've never been to
a dog wedding before,
298
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,812
But I'd get married here
in a second.
299
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,380
Hey, don't tell
ilana I said that.
300
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,516
I'm just running my mouth.
That's right.
301
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:25,917
Ilana.
302
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:26,918
She has the rings.
303
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,619
Where is my sister?
304
00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:30,455
So now abbi's stuck and I need
to get to the wedding.
305
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,490
Where's the wedding?
Near the lake.
306
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,758
Well, the lake is huge.
What part?
307
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,062
Oh my god, forget it!
308
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,931
Hey, you asked me!
309
00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:43,401
(abbi)
ow... Oh...
310
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,736
Okay.
311
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,805
Pain is in the brain.
312
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,373
Ow!
Pain is in the brain.
313
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,975
Pain is in my stupid,
stupid brain.
314
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,981
I'm down the shore
with my family.
315
00:11:59,051 --> 00:11:59,918
Yeah.
316
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,887
We're at the beach
and it's fine.
317
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,222
No, (bleep) that.
318
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,390
(bleep) that!
319
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,393
I am at dinner
with elijah wood.
320
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:12,630
And people are saying
that we're so cute together.
321
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,533
And all we get
is dessert.
322
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,035
No, (bleep) that.
323
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:21,840
I am at an extravagant
flea market
324
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,476
With mark ruffalo.
325
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:25,744
Yes!
326
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,981
All we want is
some wooden milk crates
327
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:34,285
To line our office/maybe
nursery one day.
328
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,489
(whispering)
but we don't say that
to everybody.
329
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:37,989
No!
330
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,692
I am in turks and caicos
right now...
331
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:41,526
(inhaling)
332
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,061
... With taye diggs.
333
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:47,265
There's no pain when you're
getting your groove back.
334
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,636
Okay,
I can do this.
335
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,139
I have nature skills.
336
00:12:56,642 --> 00:13:00,545
♪♪
337
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,016
♪ watch your mouth ♪
338
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,887
♪ we've only opened up
pandora's box ♪
339
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,789
♪ you'll pass my head ♪
340
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:15,059
♪ unsettling deeds ♪
eliot!
341
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:19,197
♪ forget about your math book ♪
eliot?
342
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:26,571
♪ destiny we slide
this roller coaster ♪
343
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,507
♪ up we bond the ticket ♪
344
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:34,145
♪ we're walkin'
the line ♪
345
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,016
♪ make your mind up ♪
346
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,886
♪ make your mind ♪
347
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:47,358
♪ you seem so right
just give me reasons ♪
348
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:52,130
♪ you know I don't need
to pretend you care ♪
349
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,000
♪ I've been lookin' for you ♪♪
350
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,404
Wait.
351
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,406
What am I doing?
352
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,074
Eliot!
353
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,108
Eliot!
354
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:14,652
El!
355
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,054
Whoa.
356
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,194
What is this?
357
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:25,663
(vibrator whirring)
358
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,199
(whispering)
oh, jesus, turn it off.
359
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,370
(vibrating continues)
360
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,479
What the (bleep)?
361
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,617
(sighing)
362
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,728
Come on, what's happening?
363
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,428
Come on.
364
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,163
(chuckling)
all right.
365
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,798
Okay.
366
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,902
(sighing)
367
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,737
(bird chirping)
368
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,639
(whistling)
369
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,407
(bird chirping)
(chuckling)
370
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,109
(bird warbling)
371
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,778
Poppi, look.
372
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,880
Okay, one more.
Ready?
373
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:16,748
And then boom.
374
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,249
Look, I don't want to
freak out right now,
375
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,886
But that bitch, she won't
keep her dress on.
376
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,388
It's a vera wag.
377
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,489
God, I'm sweating
like a beast.
378
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,723
I hate myself.
Whoa, whoa.
379
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,793
Everyone-- specifically you--
needs to relax.
380
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:33,064
This is a special
moment for your... Son?
381
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,032
Grandson.
382
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,267
Your grandson is
getting married today.
383
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,735
Get yourself together, man.
384
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:38,469
I'm trying,
I just--
385
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,139
I don't want brandon
to see me like this.
386
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,273
Sweaty.
387
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,841
Oh...
388
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:44,742
You like brandon.
389
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,077
Yeah.
Okay, I got this.
390
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:46,844
Take a few deep breaths,
391
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,848
And then you dab
your t-zone, lightly.
392
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:53,551
I think we should get started
393
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,219
Before poppi changes
her mind again.
394
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,455
Okay, but, monica,
we don't have the rings yet.
395
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,792
Ordinarily, I would not say
this, but they're dogs.
396
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,528
Well, you just lost
one star on dog yelp.
397
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,862
No.
398
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,334
Hey, can you get the dress
back on the dog, please?
399
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:12,337
I'll talk to her.
400
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,073
Okay, poppi,
what are you doing here?
401
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,841
How many times are we
gonna do this?
402
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,709
I like eliot,
403
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:18,843
But if you're not
into atticus,
404
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,211
I need you to
tell me now 'cause
405
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,013
I can't afford
more alimony.
406
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:25,116
(ilana)
el?
407
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,784
Eliot?!
408
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,487
(gasping)
yes!
409
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,425
Oh, dog wedding gazebo!
410
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,861
Yes!
Maps rule!
411
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,596
Foremother's a bitch!
412
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,198
Sacagawea!
413
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,106
(abbi)
come on.
414
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,808
(people speaking
foreign language)
415
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,110
Hello?
416
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:52,977
Hello!
417
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,747
Oh my god,
thank you so much.
418
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,622
What?
No english.
419
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,490
Sorry.
420
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,991
Uh, auffen...
421
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,060
Are you gonna call?
422
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,096
Oh, you're taking
a photo of me.
423
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,431
Yeah-- no, no.
424
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,499
No!
425
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,300
(speaking gibberish)
426
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,375
Sir...
427
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,512
I'm afraid we're never
gonna get out of this place.
428
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,114
♪♪
429
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:34,519
(monica)
I think we can all agree
it's clear.
430
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,587
There's a lot of love here,
431
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,223
And it was communicated to me
before this ceremony
432
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:43,461
How important trust is
in this relationship.
433
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,563
Atticus and poppi's dads
434
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,932
Taught love
from a very young age.
435
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,768
And now, without the rings,
436
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,337
Do you, poppi,
take atticus
437
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:56,007
To be your
lawfully wedded husband?
438
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,708
She does.
439
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,377
And do you, atticus,
440
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,947
Take poppi to be your
lawfully wedded wife?
441
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:03,948
Wonderful.
442
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:08,586
If anyone here objects to this
union, speak now or forever--
443
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,821
(ilana)
wait!
444
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:10,555
Hold up!
445
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:13,324
Stop the wedding,
stop the wedding!
446
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,593
She's always gotta
make it about her.
447
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,294
(whimpering)
448
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,363
This was once abbi's shirt that
I repurposed to make cooler.
449
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,032
Come on, boy,
that's her scent.
450
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,700
She's a girl.
Oh.
451
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:23,901
We'll treat her
differently, then.
452
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:27,305
Oh god, this is the worst day
to go off the grid.
453
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:32,210
Brazil nut, I gotta say
your pitch is fantastic.
454
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,811
You have some star quality.
455
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,012
I can't speak
for the other judges
456
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:38,316
But we'll see what they
have to say, okay?
457
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:44,055
No, I completely
disagree.
458
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,022
Are you kidding me?
459
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,190
She put her heart out there.
460
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,525
She put her
soul out there.
461
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,026
You are completely overlooking
462
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:53,331
The level of commitment
that performance took!
463
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,799
Abbi!
464
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:55,433
(all)
abbi!
465
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:59,570
I'm pretty sure she's this way,
but let's split up to be sure.
466
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,873
Okay, meet back, meet back.
467
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,276
Abbi!
468
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,545
(abbi)
congratulations, spool stick.
469
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:10,314
You're going to hollywood,
my friend!
470
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,618
(vocalizing)
471
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,519
Yeah, it's her!
472
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,753
Hold up, hold up,
hold up, hold up.
473
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,756
Abbi's wearing my backpack
as a diaper.
474
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,058
Dude, I was gone
for like 25 minutes.
475
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,693
Half-hour tops.
476
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,829
It felt like
a lot longer.
477
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,230
Abbi, that foot
is jacked-up.
478
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:28,299
You should put
some ice on it.
479
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,066
I know.
480
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,301
I'm practically a doctor.
481
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:30,968
But you're not.
482
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,904
I am a doctor, and I have
a lot of experience
483
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:33,704
With sprains and breaks.
484
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,240
(lincoln)
no offense,
but it's more like
485
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,942
You drain fluid
from their butt sacks.
486
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,345
Uh, none taken, but I work
with several species.
487
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,647
None of which are human.
488
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,649
Look, the truth
about cats and dogs is--
489
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,384
So is the ambulance
coming soon?
490
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,286
Yep, it's on its way.
491
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,520
(whispering)
can I borrow your phone?
492
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,088
(whispering)
yeah.
493
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,024
Oh, wow,
there they are.
494
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,159
(brandon)
oh, those are beautiful.
You know what?
495
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:57,061
We'll get them
when the swelling goes down.
496
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,796
Which I'm sure will be
very soon.
497
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,731
48 hours.
In about one to two weeks.
498
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,136
(sighing)
499
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:07,038
(monica)
and now, without further ado,
500
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,007
By the power vested in me
by the state of new york,
501
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:14,312
I now pronounce you
dog husband and dog wife.
502
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,180
(all)
aww.
503
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,848
Okay, kiss.
504
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:23,287
Yay!
(cheers and applause)
505
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,957
(woman)
mazel!
506
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,927
So I guess
we're related now.
507
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,362
Can in-laws hook up?
508
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,197
Yeah, it's like
soft incest.
509
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,433
Oh, that's so royal.
510
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,269
I think I've seen all
I needed to see today.
511
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,372
Take her out of here, boys!
512
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,608
♪♪
513
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,987
(gasping)
514
00:20:55,989 --> 00:21:00,925
Fig!
515
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:08,833
♪♪
516
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:14,472
(dogs barking rhythmically)
34460
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