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1
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,704
(message tone)
2
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,573
What up, queen?
3
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,174
Ab?
4
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,209
Abbi?
5
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,944
(giggling)
6
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:12,878
Uh-oh.
7
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,481
Guess what I got.
8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,249
Bam!
9
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,818
A mother(bleep)nose ring!
10
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,586
What?
11
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,553
A nose ring, dude?
12
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,057
I mean, that's very hot
and 2004 of you, but...
13
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,525
When didthis happen?
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,326
Last night.
15
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,494
How are
you not excited?
16
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,129
I have an earring&
17
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,296
In my nose!
18
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,698
I just thought you weregoing to a boring
19
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,532
White people dinner.
20
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,633
I didn't realizeyou were gonna
21
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,002
Add a whole newelement to your image.
22
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,205
No, me neither, but then
we ended up on st. Mark's and&
23
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,273
Please, don't
tell me.
24
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,942
I'm gonna have fomo
for the rest of my life.
25
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:44,743
Fomo?
26
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,812
Fear of missing out,
grandma.
27
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,081
Ugh, why
did I "stay in"
28
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,816
And "organize my
life?"
29
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:53,318
Wait, did you stay in
and organize your life?
30
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,553
Yeah, I got a lotdone, actually.
31
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,655
I reinforced all the boobbuttons on my button-downs
32
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,625
And I wiped down everysurface of my apartment.
33
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,093
Combined all the weedremnants
34
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:03,796
To make onegiant super blunt.
35
00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:05,030
That is insane.
36
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,666
I cannot wait to smoke that
one day after work.
37
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:08,801
Work?
38
00:01:08,803 --> 00:01:10,102
Jesus, fu--
39
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,603
I knew I was forgettingsomething.
40
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:15,707
Ugh, yeah, try not to pierce
your pussy while I'm gone.
41
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,276
Ew, what?
42
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,812
Did you just leave?
43
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:24,750
Yow!
44
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:28,020
♪ four and three and two
and one ♪
45
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,494
All right, maria,
so it's your first day.
46
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:36,462
I wanna to show you
the ropes.
47
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,997
There's a lot of stuff
that we need to go over.
48
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,132
Uh, first off.
49
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:40,766
Trash.
50
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,633
When you empty
the trash,
51
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,935
You just gotta
really dig through.
52
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:43,936
Sometimes people throw
towels in.
53
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,003
They don't get
that there's, like,
54
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,472
Two different areas.
(trey)
abbi.
55
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,040
You're fired.
56
00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:50,342
What?
I'm kidding, bazinga.
57
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,543
Come on.
Oh.
58
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,346
I don't know what
that means.
59
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,380
(laughing)
60
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,782
You are so funny,
seriously,
61
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,851
But we got a big
ol' cleaning disaster.
62
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:00,352
Somebody barfed on an
exercise ball
63
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,087
And then it bounced
down two flights of stairs.
64
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,590
So if you could grab your
dust brush or whatever
65
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,390
And get on it.
Right.
66
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,092
It's actually
not a dust brush job.
67
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,061
Well, that's gonna be a good
one for you to jump in on.
68
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,796
You know, get
your feet wet right away.
69
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,164
Oh my god, abbi, we have
to dish.
70
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,800
I heard one of
the cleaners got a nose ring.
71
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,302
What is it, 2004?
72
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,705
Uh.. Rea... Cool.
73
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,707
You didn't recognize
me, did you?
No.
74
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,341
I love it.
75
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,710
A lot.
Yeah, I feel
like a different girl.
76
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:25,644
(chuckles)
I have a question.
77
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,147
Are you, um, going to go to
trey's party tonight?
78
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,848
I don't think he really
wants me there.
79
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,917
I feel like it
was like, a pity invite.
80
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,452
Are you insane?
81
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:36,555
No.
Abbi, you're one of trey's
best friends.
82
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,957
All he does is
talk about how funny you are.
83
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,559
Like, all the time.
84
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,395
I mean, I'm pretty sure
I'm not funny--
85
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,665
(laughing)
oh my god, you are so weird.
86
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,332
I love it.
87
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,834
You have
to come, seriously.
88
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:53,572
Abbi, it is going to be
off the damn chain.
89
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:09,555
Absolutely.
90
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,957
I'll go demand it... Now.
91
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,563
Hello?
92
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:19,698
Hello?
93
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,933
(derek)
you gotta
convince yourself
94
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,168
That you are still
worth something.
95
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,736
(door sliding open)
96
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,572
Hey, you guys.
97
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,372
What is this place?
98
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,440
It's the conference
room.
99
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,309
We have
meetings here every day.
100
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,510
Got it, got it,
cool.
101
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:32,945
Well, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
102
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:36,748
You sort of are, we were all
just b-storming different deals
103
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,750
We could go after in
hell's kitchen.
104
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:39,484
Cool, cool, cool.
105
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:42,221
I do have
a horrible emergency.
106
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:45,224
Okay, so my best friend abbi is
going to a hot party tonight
107
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,426
And now I gotta
leave right now.
108
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:52,664
("flight of the bumblebees"
playing)
109
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,073
Okay, you can go,
110
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,174
But only because
you closed
111
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:04,276
That keratin pube
straightening deal.
112
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,245
Thanks, d.,
thanks for understanding.
113
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,381
Oh, nicole, I left
a hardboiled egg in our cube.
114
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,515
You can have it&
115
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,017
If you can
find it.
116
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:18,423
♪♪
117
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,793
(abbi)
why does trey live
next to port authority?
118
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,662
Um...
119
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:24,730
(groaning)
120
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,165
You know what, I think that
this, um...
121
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,369
This is going to be
the opportunity for me
122
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,136
To hang out with trey
123
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:34,206
And just like, finally spill
the beans that, like,
124
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:36,775
I wanna be an
instructor-slash-trainer.
125
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,044
Hell yeah, dude,
carpe damn.
126
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,012
And it's not
going to be weird
127
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,414
Because you'll be telling
a friend and not a boss.
128
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,882
Exactly.
129
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,484
And tonight, I can already
tell it's gonna be
130
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,654
So much more
fun than a nose piercing.
131
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,888
Hey.
132
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,023
Hey.
133
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:51,790
Abbi, put those away.
134
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,260
I'm kidding,
you're at a party, come on.
135
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,596
We should do something awesome
for trey's birthday--
136
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,531
Are we
extremely early?
137
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,900
Nope, you're
the last to arrive.
138
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,869
Hey, guys,
look who's here.
139
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,804
We have to go.
Okay, we just got here.
140
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,406
I'm embarrassed to
be here.
141
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,642
Ilana, you're
being... Intolerant.
142
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,943
(gasps)
143
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:12,878
Trey.
144
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,212
I love your place.
145
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,647
You know what, also,
we brought wine,
146
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,249
So I'm gonna go
open it in the kitchen.
147
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:20,085
(trey)
abbi, come on,
join the party, jump in.
148
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,554
Psych!
149
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:25,891
So, abbi, help yourself to any
of the snacks here.
150
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:29,294
We got clif bars for
the guys, lunas for the girls.
151
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,130
Good choice.
152
00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:34,866
(gasps)
what a freak.
153
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,569
Yo, mama.
154
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,537
Hey.
155
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,106
We should
definitely dish.
156
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:41,606
About&?
157
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:44,009
Anything,
girl stuff, whatever.
158
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,878
Um, okay.
Okay.
159
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,646
Okay.
Okay.
160
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,580
You know what I was
thinking is...
161
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,583
I would definitely rather
turn into a little old man
162
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,517
Than a
little old woman,
163
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,654
But I'm not going to be able
to help it, you know?
164
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,589
Oh my god.
165
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,023
Yes!
166
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,293
Okay, you're weird
and I literally love you.
167
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,961
This is a party, girl.
168
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,896
Do you ever straighten
your hair, though?
169
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,866
Oh, I just tried that for
work, actually.
170
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,334
Wait, do you
mean my head hair?
171
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,170
No.
Oh!
(laughing)
172
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,040
All right, abbi,
pick a hand.
173
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,641
Um, I don't know.
174
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,209
Right... Left?
175
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:21,346
Oh, looks like we're watching
"the apprentice all-stars".
176
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:21,947
Oh yeah, omarossa.
177
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,816
Good thing you chose the left,
guess what the right was.
178
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,285
(laughing)
179
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,653
(ilana)
abbi.
180
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,955
Abbi!
181
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:31,490
Come on.
182
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,824
What, dude, what?
183
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,927
Last night
you got flesh pierced
184
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:39,030
And tonight we're
watching dvds?
185
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,766
I know,
I'm sorry, like...
186
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:41,500
The night's ruined.
187
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,567
No, no, the moment we
got to the party,
188
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,504
I texted "where party"
to everybody in my phone.
189
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,438
Jaime's already
pulled through.
190
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,240
Dude, I can't just leave,
I made a commitment.
191
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:51,476
Jaime's having an actual party
with our actual friends
192
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,345
Who are
actually having fun.
193
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,045
We can't miss that.
194
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,547
What am I supposed to say
to trey though?
195
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,482
You'll think of
something.
196
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,318
Trey.
Whassup!
197
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,554
What's up, hey, what are
you guys doing?
198
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,990
Hey, uh, trey, so...
199
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,124
I think
we have to leave
200
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,427
'cause like, my stomach's kind
of bothering me.
201
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,195
You think
my lunas are tainted?
202
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,963
No.
203
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,566
It's much worse.
204
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:15,133
Um...
205
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,135
I got off
the phone with my doctor
206
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:22,541
And she told me that
I have, um...
207
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,175
A tapeworm.
208
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,443
Abbi, that's
really dangerous.
209
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,646
I'm pretty sure tapeworms suck
nutrients out of your body.
210
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,749
That must be why you ate
four and a half luna bars.
211
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,550
Yeah.
212
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,152
And I feel like it's moving,
like, through my body.
213
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,221
I feel like it's
moving and like, now it's in my
214
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,389
Bu--
uh...
215
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,224
It's in my butt...
216
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,393
... Now.
Hmmm!
217
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:42,060
Nnnn...
218
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,362
So I should go to
the hospital.
219
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,664
Hey, guys.
220
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,498
What?
Guys, pause it.
221
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:51,470
Abbi had to go because she's
got a tapeworm in her butt.
222
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,604
(laughing)
223
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,172
She is such a riot.
224
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,808
Gemma, no...
No bazinga.
225
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:07,752
Hey.
Hey.
226
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,288
So I just want to say
227
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,456
I've been social
media stalking you
228
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:14,593
Since jaime told me you
were his... Whatever
229
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:19,431
And I think you guys are
diggity-diggity-dope, okay?
230
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:20,198
Not like in a, like,
231
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:24,603
"I can't wait to officiate
your gay wedding" way,
232
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,104
'cause straight
people always say that
233
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:26,805
And it's like, gross.
234
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,306
It just fetishizing
their gay friends
235
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,774
And it's,
like, not cool.
236
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:30,809
You know, maybe you guys
won't get married.
237
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,043
Maybe you'll just
(bleep) for a hot sec
238
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,046
And move on and that is hot
too and cool.
239
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:39,551
So yeah, I just
wanted to say that.
240
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,419
You're ilana, right?
241
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,888
How did you know?
242
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,091
Yeah!
243
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,292
We got it.
That's so funny.
244
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,227
I'm gonna
post it to the 'gram!
245
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,162
That's instagram,
you guys.
I know.
246
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,398
I'm gonna use valencia,
is that okay you think?
247
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,866
Ay, baby, everybody
uses the valencia.
248
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,934
What are
you going to use?
249
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:56,835
The kelvin,
I mean...
250
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,971
(laughing)
using the kelv-- no,
that's silly, for goodness!
251
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,540
For goodness.
252
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,375
We have
a huge problem.
253
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,776
We have to leave
right now.
254
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,210
Why?
255
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,878
The hottest
person here is leaving.
256
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,848
This party's going to be dead
in three to five minutes.
257
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:10,782
I'm having fun.
258
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,450
You think you are.
259
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:13,485
But this
party is a seven.
260
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,754
We could be missing
out on a 10.
261
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,224
Yeah, but we leave
and we end up at a six?
262
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,693
I don't know, we (bleep)
kill ourselves,
263
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,961
Who cares?
264
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,262
(grunts)
265
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,167
So if we did have to
kill ourselves
266
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,702
How would we
do it?
267
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:31,636
I'd shoot
you in the face
268
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,238
And shoot myself
in the heart.
269
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:33,905
(gasps)
oh my god.
270
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,241
Forget siggy's, lincoln
has a better party.
271
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:38,877
Wait, why would you shoot
me in the face?
272
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,979
Also, you said
that really fast, dude.
273
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,581
It's nice,
you'd die instantly.
274
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,849
Well, then shoot me in
the head, not in the face.
275
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,418
Okay, okay.
276
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:50,322
♪♪
277
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,824
Yes.
Wow.
278
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,391
Hey.
Hey.
279
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,594
You guys missed it,
I just did the worm.
280
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,561
You can do the worm?
281
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,697
Yeah.
You barely move.
282
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,131
What?
283
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,066
Whoa.
284
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,801
Lincoln, I don't know
if that's--
285
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,402
No, let him have this.
286
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,738
And I do,
I do pec jumps.
287
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:07,672
(gasps)
288
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,040
Do that again.
289
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,542
(laughing)
290
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:12,410
Is this a new shirt?
291
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,045
No, but&
292
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:15,747
Drink, food, drink.
293
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,350
Can you worm us there?
Worm us there.
294
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:25,690
(music playing)
295
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:27,459
This charcuterie.
296
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,928
They got dog dick,
ghost poop, grapes
297
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,563
And they
got cornichons.
298
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,031
I love cornichons.
299
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,466
Don't I look like
a giant?
300
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,601
(grunts)
(laughing)
301
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,502
That is so weird.
302
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,971
I was just googling
micropenises this morning
303
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,539
And they look exactly
like that.
304
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,841
All lumpy and (bleep).
305
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,710
Come on, don't
ruin cornichons for me.
306
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:47,078
You saw I was&
307
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:47,679
Enjoying this.
308
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:51,416
Okay, don't ruin
micropenises for me.
309
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,851
Touche.
310
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:58,590
(music playing)
311
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,094
(laughing)
312
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,362
We have to go,
this party's dead.
313
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,164
No, this
party is a 10, dude.
314
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:06,598
What?
315
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,933
I thought so too,
but it's only four or five.
316
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,001
Look.
317
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,704
(sniffling)
318
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,239
Gross.
319
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,842
The narnia of partias
is still out there
320
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,277
And we're
going to find it.
321
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,313
Did you just
say "narnia of partias"?
322
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,249
Do you guys know that,
that play "rent"?
323
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,685
Yeah.
Like, I don't understand
how they thought
324
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,921
That they just didn't need
to pay rent, like, at all.
325
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,423
I know,
it's like, it sucks,
326
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,792
But everybody has
to pay rent.
327
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,392
Yeah.
Rent?
328
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,895
And also, I could totally
be on broadway.
329
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,629
I'd be like...
330
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:40,765
500, 25--
(phone vibrating)
331
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:41,499
Oh, my god.
332
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,334
You guys, hold on,
trey is calling me.
333
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,636
I'm ways drunk, I can't
pick up.
334
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,371
I'm going to decline.
335
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,639
Oh no.
(trey)
abbi?
336
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:48,940
Oh god.
337
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:50,408
Hello?
338
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,343
Abbi, I just saw an
instagram of you at a party
339
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:53,645
With a drink on
your head.
340
00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:55,113
I... It was...
341
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:58,349
A throwback Thursday pic
that I put up.
342
00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,384
But it's Friday.
343
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,952
I'm just stupid.
344
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,620
And I'm in the hospital.
(ilana)
beep.
345
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,889
That's my life machine...
Beep, beep.
346
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:05,990
Going.
Beep.
347
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:06,991
Gotta do something.
348
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,093
Beep.
I'm hooked up to--
349
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,327
There's tubes.
Beep, boop.
350
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,830
My doctor's right here
if you want to talk to him.
351
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,497
Good, hello?
352
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,300
Hello, hello,
this is dr. Rotreiller, md.
353
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,101
Are you
a specialist?
354
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:20,105
I'm more of a general
jack-of-all-trades style doctor.
355
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,573
What's going on with
the tapeworm?
356
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,875
Is it
still in her... Butt?
357
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:27,479
It's still in her anus.
358
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,079
(exhales)
359
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,849
It is
crowned and-and breeched.
360
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,217
What do you think her
recovery time is going to be?
361
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,453
We don't know whether it'll be
a few days or a few hours,
362
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,456
But it's gonna--
we're gonna get it out of there.
363
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,758
And it's gonna
get gone.
364
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,259
Sorry, no offense,
are you a nurse
365
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,660
Or are
you a real doctor?
366
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:43,962
What--
367
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,765
I, uh...
They're calling me.
368
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,201
I gotta go get the worm--
is-- taken out.
369
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,970
Call me whenyou're done, I guess.
370
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,773
Bye.
Abbi, all right, bye.
371
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,210
My bad, I'm sorry.
372
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,846
That guy did not
sound qualified.
373
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,081
All right,
I'm sorry, you guys.
374
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,382
Sorry to make you wait.
375
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,416
Okay.
376
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,751
Ready to fall.
377
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,219
(guests)
fall away.
378
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,521
Falling.
379
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,857
Ooh, whoa, oh.
380
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,292
(laughing)
381
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,260
I'm a dentist, not a doctor.
382
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,796
I don't know how to deal with
high-pressure situations.
383
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,799
Don't worry...
Lincoln, nothing matters.
384
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,333
Yeah, it's fine.
385
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,435
What just happened?
386
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,204
It's a black
irish goodbye.
387
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,705
He always does it.
388
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:31,409
Okay, so I just found
out about a rooftop party
389
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,711
A hot sec from here.
390
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:34,679
This is perfect.
391
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,647
No, you know what?
392
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,447
I think I need to
go home.
393
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,316
Trey definitely did
not believe that call.
394
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,686
No, dude, he definitely
believed you.
395
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,624
All right, I agree.
396
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:47,992
Yessa!
397
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,528
Also, I love roofs.
398
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,696
Yes, dude!
399
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:56,434
(music playing)
400
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:01,639
Whoo, this party
is a...
401
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,474
10, I knew it!
402
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,577
Yes, whose party
is this, dude?
403
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,712
Who gives
a fat wet...
404
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:08,580
(bleep)?
405
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:10,648
Heads up, whoo!
406
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,384
Whoo!
407
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:18,857
(dance music playing)
408
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,939
Place one
right here, gianni.
409
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,541
Yeah!
410
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,543
Oh, (bleep),
oh,(bleep).
411
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:43,414
(ilana)
god, I love when straight
dudes make out.
412
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,450
You never know if you
never try,
413
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:48,019
You never try if
you never know, you know?
414
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,420
(laughing)
yes!
415
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,456
I'm going to get another
beer, do you want one?
416
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,924
Yeah.
417
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,292
Abbi-a!
418
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:58,596
(music playing)
419
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,931
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
420
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:00,732
Okay.
Too close.
421
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,634
(officer)
all right,
party's over, you (bleep).
422
00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,036
Let's go, come on, let's go.
(bleep), come on, let's go.
423
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,871
Get out, get out!
424
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,540
Hit the bricks, let's
move it!
425
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,175
Let's go!
426
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,977
(woman)
all right, guys!
427
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:16,681
♪♪
428
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,182
Come on.
429
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,087
I wanna whirl.
What is up, dude?
430
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,890
Just let me get it,
I understand.
431
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,592
Come on.
432
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,393
Let us in.
433
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,360
They're not gonna
let us in,
434
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,429
Then I don't
wanna go in there.
435
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,764
'cause you know why?
436
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,066
We deserve
better than that.
437
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,903
(ilana)
what is this place... Where
are you going?
438
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,806
(laughing)
439
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,141
Oh, my god.
440
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,375
Where are we going?
441
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,810
Oh, sh...
442
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,479
Oh, you be quiet.
443
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:54,852
I'm val about town,
town about val.
444
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,890
Dude.
445
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,058
Who is val?
446
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:05,663
(swing music playing)
447
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,965
(man)
hey, it's val!
448
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,233
(all)
val!
449
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,904
(swing music playing)
450
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:22,146
(swing music playing)
451
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,985
♪ forget your troubles
come on get happy ♪
452
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:29,854
♪ you better chase
all your cares away ♪
453
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,824
♪ shout hallelujah come on
get happy ♪
454
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,460
♪ get ready
for the judgment day ♪
455
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,396
♪ the sun is shining come on
get happy ♪
456
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,265
♪ the lord
is waiting to take your hand ♪
457
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:44,135
♪ shout hallelujah come on
get happy ♪
458
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,205
♪ we're going
to the promised land ♪
459
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,041
♪ we're heading across
the river ♪
460
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,744
♪ to wash
your sins away in the tide ♪
461
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:58,316
♪ it's all so peaceful
on the other side ♪
462
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,252
♪ forget your
troubles come on get happy ♪
463
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,286
Isn't val the best?
464
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,755
You never know when she's
going to drop by,
465
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,857
But when she does,
we save on electricity
466
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,126
'cause she lights up
the whole room.
467
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,294
How long has val
been coming in here?
468
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,930
Oh, for over
a hundred years.
469
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:13,398
What?
470
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,800
No, I'm just kidding,
it's more like three years.
471
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,035
Oh.
472
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:21,239
How did I not know that when
abbi gets blackout drunk
473
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,541
She becomes val?
474
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,010
My fomo's
through the damn roof.
475
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:26,844
Oh?
476
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,146
What's a fomo?
477
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,382
I gotta call jaime, he's not
gonna believe this.
478
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:31,783
No.
479
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,918
No, no, no,
there's no reception down here,
480
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,589
But who needs phones when
you get val?
481
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,727
Aren't you
a hot diggity-diggity-dog
482
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,496
And a scallywag to boot?
483
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,034
(laughing)
484
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,837
Well, hello there,
baby doll.
485
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:53,771
Baby doll?
486
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,208
Of course I have been missing
out on this for years.
487
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,177
You're always worried about
missing out on life.
488
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,579
You never
bother to actually live.
489
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,614
Uh... Doy.
490
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,084
Eight ball,
corner pocket.
491
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,052
Ooh, yeah.
492
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,455
Jeez!
(man)
oh, great shot.
493
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,757
Ooh-hoo!
494
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,758
Johnny, you cad.
495
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,627
I forgot you were the best
kisser in town.
496
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,930
Except for
my main squeeze.
497
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,765
I'm your
main squeeze?
498
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,165
Yeah.
499
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:25,136
You're my favorite little jewy
this side of st. Louie.
500
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,240
Whoa.
501
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,643
Oh my god, dude.
502
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:35,012
Ooh.
503
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,547
What is this?
504
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,149
A diamond?
505
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,551
I love diamonds.
506
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,221
(gasps)
507
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,693
(laughing)
508
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:51,796
Val bar is narnia!
509
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,665
♪ wake up, sleepyhead ♪
510
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,202
You look amazing.
511
00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,537
Yes, good morning,
sunshine.
512
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:02,039
Ilana, what happened
last night?
513
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,909
Wait, are you joking?
514
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,410
You're val, bitch.
515
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,612
The bar...
You were like...
516
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:11,249
(speaking gibberish),
boss, you know?
517
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,584
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
518
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:17,255
You legit
don't remember?
519
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,227
No mo' fomo, dog.
520
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,163
♪ no mo' fomo ♪
521
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,431
♪ no mo' fomo ♪
522
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,000
♪ no mo' fomo ♪
523
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,769
♪ no more ooh ♪
524
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,872
♪ fomo ♪
525
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,174
Whoo.
526
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,478
Oh, I guess I'm just gonna
go home and sleep
527
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,347
Until I have
work at seven.
528
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,949
Oh.
529
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:45,850
What?
530
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,120
It's kind
of seven right now.
531
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,354
It's 6:45.
532
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,189
(car horn honking)
okay.
533
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,858
I guess, I'm just gonna go
to work right now then.
534
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,725
All right.
535
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,195
Treat her right,
sir.
536
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:02,099
Later.
537
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,668
Oh, god.
538
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,403
(tires screeching to a stop)
539
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,772
(coughing)
540
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,174
(laughing)
541
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,075
Classic val.
542
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,044
Hold on, I think
my nose ring is here.
543
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,512
Don't touch it!
544
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:18,516
Morning, abbi.
545
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:21,419
Wait, maria, why are you
wearing a trainer t-shirt?
546
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,221
I am a trainer now.
547
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,589
No...
548
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,556
Way!
549
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,024
Congrats.
550
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,192
Congrats.
551
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:30,928
How the (bleep) did
that happen?
552
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,996
Kooky girl.
553
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,431
How did
that go down?
554
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:37,435
Well, I always wanted
to be a trainer,
555
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,137
So I asked
trey at the party.
556
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:44,642
We both were a little drunk,
so I was not afraid.
557
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,511
It was like asking to
a friend,
558
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,914
You know,
instead of a boss.
Boss.
559
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,015
Yeah.
Here.
560
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,252
You can have
my cleaner t-shirt.
561
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:57,388
I only wore it
one day.
562
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,889
Mmm.
563
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,002
♪ dow-dow-bow-dow ♪
564
00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:11,502
Yeah.
565
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,038
It's like your bass drum.
♪ dow-duh ♪
566
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,539
♪ uh ♪
(laughing)
567
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,575
That was so good.
568
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:19,010
Wow.
569
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:21,479
I've been able to do this
since I was 13.
37982
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