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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,372
You know, like, detail wise.
2
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,906
Just really wanna
get it right.
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:11,810
Greetings, this week we will
be focusing on movement.
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:15,814
The model will be
changing positions every minute.
5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:16,448
(tinkling)
6
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:21,420
May your pencil
soften her crudeness.
7
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:28,961
Hey, Ab.
8
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:30,529
(gasping)
9
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,499
Uh, models have to be silent.
10
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,768
Oh, my God,
I'm a model?
11
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,973
Dude, thank you so much for
telling me how much nude models
12
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,175
can make in a
class like this?
13
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,276
I need the money.
14
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:47,413
Yeah, totally, I just--
I didn't mean my class.
15
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,747
Oh, my God, are
you mad at me?
16
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,215
Ali, is there a problem?
17
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,551
It's Abbi, remember,
we talked about that.
18
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,187
But, no, we're just
strategizing...
19
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:59,458
like the shading...
of the boobs.
20
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,728
'Cause I'm, you know,
I'm not there yet, so...
21
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,997
(tinkling)
22
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,002
Stop it.
23
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:10,769
(whispering)
Oh, sorry.
24
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,306
Guys, hey, sorry, I'm gonna
change positions before
25
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:15,107
the bell rings.
26
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,376
I'm weirding Abbi out,
it's my B.
27
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,119
It's honestly worth
it if we get it.
28
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:30,055
Your students
will learn so much
29
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,557
(laughing)
30
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,760
♪ Four and three
and two and one one ♪
31
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:38,997
♪♪
32
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,502
Hey, Ab, where
you heading?
33
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,171
Hey, not much--
I mean, nowhere.
34
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:48,807
I'm actually getting my wisdom
teeth taken out today,
35
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:49,942
so I'm having surgery.
Oh, man,
36
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,443
I had mine taken
out the week of my prom.
37
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,446
In all the pictures, I had
these huge chipmunk cheeks.
38
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,882
I was like...
That's so cute.
39
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,450
Yeah, it's good,
though, 'cause, um,
40
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,353
it'll make more
room in my mouth, right?
41
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,290
(stammering)
42
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:09,361
No, I, I didn't--
I didn't mean, um, blow jobs.
43
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,963
Although, if that is true,
44
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,799
that it would make
more room in my mouth.
45
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,968
I didn't do them.
46
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,002
I enjoy it both ways.
47
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,605
You know, I think
it's a two-way street.
48
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:23,175
In fact, I'm getting a call,
it's ringing.
49
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,476
Busy day.
50
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,310
Hello?
51
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:26,545
One sec, Jeremy-- just
give me one...
52
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:30,182
Yup? Well, my laundry
is in the bag!
53
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:30,816
(scoffing)
54
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,885
What do you mean,
"Stains are on it?"
55
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:35,387
Well, what do you
mean they're on my underwear?
56
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,688
Why would someone say that?
57
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,856
Why would they say--
58
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:40,859
It's my laundry man
and then he's upset.
59
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:41,627
I'll let you take it.
60
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,862
Yeah, why-- don't you
talk back to me!
61
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:48,133
I will come down there and
I will get you right away!
62
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,702
So you better lawyer up,
'cause I'm gonna...
63
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,905
...kill myself right now.
64
00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:56,475
♪♪
65
00:02:58,144 --> 00:02:59,211
(Ilana)
Okay, Ab.
66
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,779
You are doing an
awesome job already.
67
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,581
You just keep
clutching Bingo Bronson
68
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,516
that Mommy Lani
got you--
69
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,617
Me, I'm Mommy Lani.
70
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,952
And that's it, whole
thing's gonna be painless.
71
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:10,322
You're not even go know it,
you're gonna be out, out, out.
72
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,456
You just chill.
73
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:12,357
So riddle me this, Doc.
74
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:16,195
Mayonnaise clinic claims that
facial paralysis can be a thing?
75
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,796
What?
Care to comment?
76
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,432
Release my head, woman.
Sorry.
77
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,634
I got this, Abbi's
gonna be fine.
78
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,303
Look at this
black-blue hands.
79
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,837
If I mess up this white
girl's teeth,
80
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,508
the black dentistry
game is over... forever.
81
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,177
I'm gonna get these teeth.
82
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,179
For my people.
Wow.
83
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,048
I don't do anything
for my people.
84
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:38,717
Count backwards.
85
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,987
(muffled)
Five, four
86
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,455
two and one.
87
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,191
Bye, Abbi, I'll see
you when you wake up.
88
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,893
And if you don't wake up,
I'll still see you...
89
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,429
("slow motion" audio)
...'cause I'm gonna kill myself
90
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:54,399
and meet you in
heaven or whatever.
91
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,134
Calm d-- you need
to calm down.
92
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,369
I am Abbi's keeper today.
93
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,638
I am her mother,
sister, father, brother.
94
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,107
Relax, I get it, okay.
95
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,209
I know what you need,
a little story.
96
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,145
There once was a woman
named Felicity Porter.
97
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,749
And she went to the
University of New York.
98
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,417
She was supposed to
go to Stanford.
99
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,186
(voice echoing)
That's where her parents
wanted her to go.
100
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:17,322
But then, Ben wrote in
her high school yearbook...
101
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:21,793
(chatter and music playing)
102
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,132
So you're telling me that
out of the whole series,
103
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:30,636
there's one black person, and
she's the one who's killed off.
104
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:34,339
Yeah, but you're-- you're kind
of missing the point Ilana.
105
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:38,043
I don't think these drugs
are working, you guys.
106
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,878
When are my teeth
gonna get...
107
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,849
(to tune of "Physical")
♪ Surgical, surgical ♪
108
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:44,850
(chuckling)
109
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:45,584
Ab, it's already over.
110
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:48,887
It was a huge success, but I had
to remove all of your teeth.
111
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:52,157
But don't worry, there's a
huge internet community of dudes
112
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:55,560
that like women that
are super gum-heavy.
113
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,528
It's a huge fetish.
114
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,096
Lincoln, you took out
all of her teeth?
115
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:03,201
No, you were here the entire
time, you saw... everything.
116
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:03,735
That's true.
117
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,639
I am just "gwad my
wittle baby's awive."
118
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,607
Don't touch her mouth!
Ow!
119
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,876
Don't touch her--
What-- why would you--
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
120
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,845
She just had surgery.
I'm sorry,
that was so bad.
121
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,714
My mouth is like...
122
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,683
Here's a prescription
for Vicodin.
123
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,419
Give her two
every four hours.
124
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,787
Make sure--
can you handle that?
125
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,055
It's a very strict schedule.
126
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:25,257
I don't know, I guess
I can handle it.
127
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:27,326
You know, Western
medicine does stick
128
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,527
to a pretty
strict schedule.
129
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,995
The sooner you-you
take more pills
130
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,164
the sooner you
buy more pills, right?
131
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,133
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
swallow, swallow, swallow.
132
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,003
(bleep) Government-regulated,
Doctor Drew
133
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,871
all-you-can-eat buffet!
134
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,878
Uh, but, really,
I can handle it.
135
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,515
(metal clanging)
136
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,750
Ab!
137
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,519
(laughing)
Oh, no.
Abbi.
138
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,056
I'm just gonna get weed
from one of my weed dudes.
139
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:02,027
It will literally take
two seconds for real.
140
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,829
And then we're gonna
get you home, girl.
141
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:06,732
Uh, do you wanna hear my
Drew Barrymore impression?
142
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,767
Yes, queen please,
Drew Barrymore.
143
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:12,204
I love Jimmy Fallon.
(laughing)
144
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,574
Um, I have my
own makeup line.
145
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,809
Oh, my God,
am I being so mean?
146
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,312
I love her, you know
she's my favorite.
147
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:22,481
No, dude, it's not
mean at all.
148
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,750
And the gauze in your
mouth adds authenticity.
149
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,651
My production company,
(laughing)
150
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,353
Flower Films...
I love Flower Films.
151
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:34,025
...was founded in 1999 with
the popular film, "Whip It."
152
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:38,296
That is what she sounds like.
Oh, my God, I'm terrible.
153
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,798
No, you're so good.
154
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,066
It was 1995 (bleep)!
155
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,835
No, keep going, it's good, she
would love this impression.
156
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:44,603
(bicycle bell ringing)
157
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:49,474
My grandfather was the legendary
film actor, John Barrymore.
158
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,076
That's what she says.
(phone alert playing)
159
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,545
(gasping)
Oh, my God, Jeremy.
160
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,448
What does thumbs up,
question mark mean?
161
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,283
Thanks, skids, love you, B.
162
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,752
Jeremy's totally
thinking about me.
163
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,387
Yeah, dude, I think he
thinks about you.
164
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,388
I think he
(bleep) likes you.
165
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:06,291
He jerks off to you all the
time, I sense those things.
166
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,127
I know sexual tension
when I feel it--
167
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,463
Yeah, you do.
168
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,831
Oh, my God...
169
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,099
Will you leave me alone?
170
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,368
We have to change
your gauze out.
171
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:17,269
Oh.
172
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,104
I wanna go to Florida.
173
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,775
(Jaimé)
Okay, Jaimé.
174
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,678
Okay, everything is now the
childproof, we got this.
175
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,982
Abbi is weak right now,
like a baby, like an infant.
176
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,884
And I need to take
care of her.
177
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,720
And I need you
to take care of me.
178
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,356
Baby, I will like anticipate
your every single need.
179
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,860
Okay, first order of business
is government medicine.
Hmm.
180
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:46,398
Abbi needs to take two
Vicodin every four hours.
181
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,167
Ah, good.
(mumbling)
182
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,069
What, now?
183
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,804
Okay, Abbi, this
little airplane
184
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,806
is going to come
into the hangar.
185
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,342
Yes... okay, now
close the hangar.
186
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:58,977
Oh, you're so
swollen, baby.
187
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,278
Okay.
188
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,013
Okay.
Peas, frozen peas.
189
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,281
(Ilana mumbling to herself)
190
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:07,052
Here we go, here we
go, here we go now.
191
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:10,755
Wow, it's been
four hours already?
192
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,892
Oh, my God, you
are so out of it.
193
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,627
I am really glad I'm here.
194
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,328
(Jaimé)
Okay.
195
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:20,565
Okay, this is for the
swelling of your face.
196
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,066
Just rest on it.
197
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,835
Okay, Jaimé, now, we have to do
the two most important things
198
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,337
a dental surgery
victim needs.
199
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:25,971
What is it?
200
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:28,206
Give her Froyo and
braid her hair.
Of course.
201
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,109
Okay, I need you to
go 42 Squirts,
202
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,744
and get me
a real Abbi flavor.
203
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,445
(sighing)
204
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:34,346
You'll know when you see it.
205
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:37,115
Ooh-whee,
okay, well, okay.
206
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,483
The flavor of Abbi.
207
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,718
Can Jaimé capture
the complexity
208
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,053
of this beautiful human
being in one single flavor?
209
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,255
Jaimé, I don't really
have time for this.
210
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,423
Abbi's blood mother is
in Turks and Caicos,
211
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,491
and I am her mother now.
212
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:49,794
She needs me, she needs,
you know, us, but...
213
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,663
I will not disappoint you.
214
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,031
Okay, baby.
215
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,367
And, hey, Jaimés.
216
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,135
Have fun with it.
217
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:03,074
Are you ready to get
on the party train.
218
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:03,675
First stop!
219
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:07,579
Braid the (bleep) out of
them silky-ass doll locks.
220
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,148
Ow.
I'm gonna get some scrunchies.
221
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,618
(Jaimé)
Okay, Jaimé,
the flavor of Abbi.
222
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,253
(slurping)
223
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:19,758
♪♪
224
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:32,904
Oh, (bleep) me.
225
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,307
I guess I'll start
from the top.
226
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,210
Would you rather lick
a dead man's penis,
227
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,113
or have sex with the same person
for the rest of your life?
228
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:42,614
Penis.
229
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,916
Would you rather eat ice
cream for five hours straight,
230
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,118
or shoot somebody
in the knee?
231
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,219
Knee.
232
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:48,720
Yup.
233
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:51,823
Ilana, I don't feel good,
I feel really weird.
234
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:52,457
I knew it.
235
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,493
Western medicine
fails us again.
236
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,829
Thanks a lot, Doctor Oz.
237
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:58,396
You know what?
238
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,799
I'm gonna give you
a little bit of my homemade
239
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,068
"Strega Nona" recipe.
240
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,436
Strega Nona...
241
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,104
(laughing)
242
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,372
Firecrackers, baby.
243
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,206
What's a firecracker?
244
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,174
It was what we were
on that time that
245
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:12,978
that dude jerked off on your
pocketbook in Bryant Park.
246
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:13,878
He was cool.
247
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,982
But not as cool
as Jeremy, right?
248
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,389
♪♪
249
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,672
(microwave beeps)
250
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,011
(bell rings)
251
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,987
You know what, Jeremy?
252
00:10:55,989 --> 00:11:00,158
I will say it again.
253
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,993
I like you.
254
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,561
I want us to
go out and...
255
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,330
What are you doing?
Just be open with it.
256
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,031
What are you doing?
257
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,166
I'm telling Jeremy I like him.
(gasping)
258
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,067
You told me to.
What?
259
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:12,537
23 minutes,
(bleep) me.
You told me to.
260
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:16,274
Yeah, but not while you're
jacked-up on Uncle Sam pills.
261
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,842
Jesus, come on.
262
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,845
Take this firecracker
smoothie.
263
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,380
All right.
264
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:25,016
Ow.
265
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:25,450
Ow.
266
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,386
You know, I wish I could have
one, but I gotta be responsible.
267
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,789
And don't you worry about
leaving that message for Jeremy.
268
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,892
You are gonna forget
that in seven minutes.
269
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,128
Jaimé?
270
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,096
Okay.
271
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,799
No, please, can you go
in front of me?
272
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,233
Please, thank you.
273
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,602
Eh, toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings,
274
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,905
toppings, toppings, toppings...
275
00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:49,140
Let's see, Cap'n Crunch?
276
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:52,077
No, it's too chemically
and that's no good.
277
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,111
Dark chocolate chip?
278
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,580
No, it's too crunchy
for Abbi right now.
279
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:56,414
Ew, gummy candies?
280
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,783
Excuse me, these do
not go with the Froyo.
281
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,453
In case you were
wondering.
282
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,722
Gorp... what is Gorp?
283
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,223
"Good ol' raisins
and peanuts ."
284
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:09,127
Why would we want
all raisins and peanuts?
285
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:12,097
(sobbing)
Aye, aye.
286
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:15,333
♪ Abbi dabbi dab my ♪
287
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,936
♪ Beautiful queen she's my ♪
288
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:21,439
♪ My beautiful queen
she's... ♪
289
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,575
(Abbi sighing)
290
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,876
(laughing)
291
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:28,913
Namaste, children of light.
292
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:32,217
Welcome to another installmentof "How To With Dr. Whiz."
293
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,687
Today, I'm gonna show you howto meditate proper--
294
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:38,389
Ilana, what
the (bleep) that!
295
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,023
It's Abbi.
296
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,426
I am killing this
mom-slash-nurse thing.
297
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:42,694
Doesn't she look gorgeous?
298
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:43,928
I would think thatyou could surmise
299
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,132
from my initial
reaction that she doesn't.
300
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:47,899
She needs rest, Ilana.
301
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:51,469
Okay, Jeez, you're the
one who's being loud.
302
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,340
You know what?
303
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,274
I deserve a break.
304
00:12:56,276 --> 00:13:02,347
You wanna show me your old LLCool J, your Lincoln Log?
305
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,148
No!
306
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,083
I'll show you my tah-tahs.
307
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,484
Yes.
308
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:07,452
(echoing)
Yes!
309
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:11,322
(Ilana's voice echoing)
Show me your penis.
310
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,729
Oh, goodie, you're awake!
311
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:21,099
We're gonna have
so much fun!
312
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,702
Let's go play outside.
313
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:27,105
Come on, Abbi!
314
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:31,509
Man, I hate to see it, but
you got boyfriend penis, bro.
315
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,477
(chuckling)
316
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,946
Dude, check this out.
317
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,382
I made my torso a face.
318
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,216
Do you know who it is?
319
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,252
I'm guessing an old person
'cause the eyes are low
320
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,855
and swinging and drooping,
321
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,223
but in a way
that makes me hard.
322
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:50,395
I never thought that a old
people face would make me hard.
323
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,362
That's nice to know.
324
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,130
You are gonna be an old dude
325
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,700
with so many boners
in a non-creepy way.
326
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:56,801
That's hot.
327
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:57,735
(laughing)
328
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:58,570
Okay, who is it?
329
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,205
Do you know which
old person it is?
330
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,506
I don't know, who is it?
331
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,974
I-I don't know.
332
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:03,875
Do you know?
333
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,110
What are we doing here?
Who did you draw?
334
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,579
No, I don't know.
335
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:08,780
Maybe Abbi'll know.
336
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:09,914
Hey! Abbi,
wake up, Ab!
337
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:13,351
(Lincoln)Ilana, let her sleep,let her rest.
338
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,254
Ab? Abbi?
339
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,289
Abbi?!
340
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,524
Abbi!
341
00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:22,694
She's just gone.
342
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:23,461
The door was wide open.
343
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,864
It's gonna get dark in
a couple hours.
344
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:26,965
Okay, calm down.
345
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,266
(bleep) you, don't
tell me to calm down!
346
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,767
I hate when men
tell women that.
347
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:30,635
Okay, I'm sure she's fine.
348
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,438
Just needed some air or
something, just call her.
349
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,406
I can't, I took
her phone away.
350
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,809
She called Jeremy
to declare her love,
351
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,210
and my brain's been
a dud all day.
352
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,279
I haven't smoked once,
I didn't even vape.
353
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,547
This is all my fault.
354
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,316
Okay, if you can keep her on her
meds schedule, she'll be okay.
355
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,253
She'll be a little fuzzy, but
at least she'll be coherent.
356
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,088
I lied, I (bleep)
lied, dude!
357
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,624
I gave her the strongest
form of weed possible.
358
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:53,291
Other than dabbing.
359
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,760
I gotta find this bitch, I'll
talk to you later.
360
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:56,294
Abbi!
361
00:14:56,296 --> 00:15:01,532
It's my fault, I should've seen
this coming from a mile away.
362
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,402
♪♪
363
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:13,344
Chug chug chug chug.
364
00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:25,089
Abbi!
365
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,161
What is this place?
366
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:33,965
Its the most magical
place in all the land.
367
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,901
Whole Foods!
Wow.
368
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,603
Yeah, the neighborhood's
really changed.
369
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,538
It's a whole new Gowanus.
370
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,039
Come on!
371
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,775
Let's hurry up before
the lines get long!
372
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:46,644
(bell tinkling)
373
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:47,345
Excuse me?
374
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,348
Hey, did you see a beautiful,
sumptuous model-type
375
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,149
come through?
376
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,884
Long silky hair like
a horse's main?
377
00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:54,419
The only thing I see
is that crazy woman
378
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:58,890
who bought two Yoo-hoos and
drop a bottle on the floor.
379
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:01,826
Yoo-hoo.
380
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,561
Yeah, that's what
I just said.
381
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,395
Thank you so much.
382
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,297
Get out of my store,
get out of my--
Oh!
383
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,832
I'm sick and
tired of this.
Oh.
384
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:08,933
Get out.
385
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:09,801
Hey!
386
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,469
(hisses)
387
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,906
Punk.
388
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:16,607
Dick, bitch.
389
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:20,912
I'm coming, Ab!
390
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,180
Hearts of palm!
391
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,681
Abbi, buy me that.
392
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,583
I love hearts of palm.
393
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,518
Whoo-whee!
394
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,454
Ooh, bulk granola.
395
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,789
Buy me that, Abbi.
396
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,958
(sighing)
Manuka honey.
397
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,526
So reasonably priced.
398
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,996
Buy me that, Abbi!
399
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,731
Oh, great!
400
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:42,166
Mmm, this is
some high-class (bleep).
401
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,736
Ooh, earth-friendly cereals.
402
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,170
Knock 'em over, Abbi.
403
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,639
They wanna be on
the ground.
404
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:49,040
Whoo-hoo!
405
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:54,245
Next up, probiotics, a Neti Pot
and a bag of douche.
406
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,480
Ha-ha!
407
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,049
Abbi!
408
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,086
Abbi!
409
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:10,194
That'll be $1,487.56.
410
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,963
Use your new credit
card, Abbi.
411
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:13,331
You got it because
you thought you needed
412
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,333
more than one card
to be an adult, right?
413
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,236
Well, now's your
chance to be one!
414
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:21,305
Plus, you'll
get Starwood's points.
415
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,474
Mmmm, I'm so proud
of you!
416
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:27,311
Quick, let's get this into a
bunker before the big one hits.
417
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,147
Abbi!
418
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,648
Abbi Abrams!
419
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,483
(phone vibrating)
420
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,552
Woah...
421
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:36,721
Hello?
422
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,657
(robotic voice)
There has been some unusualactivity on your account
423
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,727
and we'd like to confirm thatyou, Abbi Abrams,
424
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:46,898
made a purchase of $1,487.56
425
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,601
at the Whole Foodsin Gowanus, Brooklyn.
426
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,138
Oh, my God, of course,
she's hungry as (bleep).
427
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,608
From your clear answer,I can tell you are Abbi Abrams,
428
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,377
and this was not afraudulent charge.
429
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,780
Thank you for doing businesswith One Trust, goodbye.
430
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:07,051
♪ On the flip side
you crazy bitch ♪
431
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:10,888
♪♪
432
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,325
Damn, this neighborhood
is changing.
433
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,261
♪♪
434
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,230
(both laughing)
435
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,432
Stop it, that's so
inappropriate.
436
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,803
Oh, (bleep), it's Strega Nona
the weed witch!
437
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:26,871
Peace, mortals.
438
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,407
Are you okay, you scared
the (bleep) out of me.
439
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,742
God dammit,
my manuka honey!
440
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,644
I got you, Bingo Bronson!
Abbi, no!
441
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,047
(glass shattering)
Ow!
442
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:36,948
Airball.
443
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,749
Oh, my (bleep) ankle.
444
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,786
Oh, my God, sorry.
445
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,688
I love you, Abbi!
446
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:44,689
See you soon.
447
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,657
I love you, Bingo Bronson!
448
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,359
(Ilana)
So sorry, sorry.
449
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,495
Oh, my God,
you're so scary.
450
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,602
So Abbi's vitals are fine.
451
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,870
She just needs
plenty of sleep.
452
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:02,940
I feel like an old-timey doctor
right now making house calls.
453
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,842
I should get an
apothecary bag, right?
454
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:09,680
Oh, my God, I am so
Horny right now, it hurts.
455
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,215
Oh, yeah?
456
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:13,885
It hurts.
457
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:16,053
Good night, Abbi-dab.
458
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:19,257
Everybody safe and s...
459
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,625
Jaimé!
460
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,193
(Jaimé)
Are you Abbi?
461
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,561
Where are you, Abbi?
462
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,396
Sir? We're closing.
463
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:29,800
Just pick any flavor,
they're all chemicals.
464
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:32,904
(vomiting)
465
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,572
Come on.
466
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,907
So sorry.
467
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,443
It's the Gummi Bears.
468
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,782
Hey, Ab, hey.
469
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,350
Oh, hey, Jer.
470
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,084
Hi, 'sup?
471
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,821
So... I got your call
yesterday.
472
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:51,656
Um, my what?
473
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:55,693
That really long voice mail you
left me where you asked me out.
474
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,761
Oh, no, don't--
475
00:19:56,763 --> 00:20:00,565
No, I was just in... I had
surgery, I was-- so many...
476
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,301
There were so many drugs
and I was-- so that's...
477
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,437
You know I'm getting...
My phone's ringing here.
478
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,271
Hello? Hi.
479
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:10,708
No, why would I throw-up
on my clothes?
Abbi.
480
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,444
I'm not crazy--
Yeah, I am Jewish...
Abbi.
481
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,446
It has nothing to do with it.
Abbi, don't.
482
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:16,881
Abbi, just listen to me.
Abbi!
483
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,182
Listen!
Listen, listen.
484
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,250
Hey!
Hey!
485
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:24,422
I would love to go out with you
on an official... thing.
486
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:28,092
Oh, and I loved your Drew
Barrymore impersonation.
487
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,294
Amazing.
488
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,230
♪♪
489
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,807
So, I guess I'll
give you a call.
490
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,910
Yeah, that was-- yeah.
491
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:46,644
Okay.
492
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,947
Okay, ring her up-- me.
493
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:55,886
(door closing)
494
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,556
♪♪
495
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,766
♪♪
496
00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:13,971
Oh, I was making--
this is all good.
497
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:17,775
That is good and
this is...
There something wrong with it?
498
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,844
locking that up.
499
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,345
See you later, Jer.
35001
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