Original subtitles

[Loud music playing]

* I would really love

* to see you naked, baby

* I would love to see you

* tremble with delight

* I would love

* to come insideyour window, baby *

* come on, baby

* ooh

* ah, sexy

* I could take youon a very sexy ride *

* sexy

* girl, I want it

* all day every day

* so give me

* your touch

* it's sucha rush, boy *

* when it comesto making love *

* sexy

* girl, you knowyou're so sexy *

you go, girl!

[Sneezes]

Yo, man, you still gotthose fucking allergies?

Fuck you, man.

Hey, look at the littlebaby angel dyke.

What is that?

I don't wantany trouble.

I asked you what that was.Can I have an answer, please?

Excuse me.

* I could rub youunderneath the covers, baby *

* I'd love to

[honk honk]

Fuck this.I'm out of here.

* forever, baby

* baby, let me, ooh

are you ok?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm ok.

Ok.

* sexy

* girl, I want itall day every day *

* so give me your touch

* it's such a rush, boy

* when it comesto making love *

* sexy

* girl,you know you're so sexy *

* sexy

* sex-sex-sexy

* sexy

* ooh, ooh, all night

* all night

announcer: Oh, yummy.Give it up for Maggie

from ten percent books,

making her lip-synching debuthere tonight at the cat's ass.

And remember, girls,she is single.

* all night

* ooh, ooh, all night

* all night

[bell rings]

Captioning made possible bytrimark home video

[bicycle bell rings]

[Car horn honks]

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Ten percent books.

Woman: Honey?

Ten percent.

Margaret?

Mom?

You know, I've just hadthis terrible letter

from the university.

It was addressed to you,

so I opened it, and it'sconfirmation of your--

of your withdrawalfrom school.

I mean, I, um...

I thought you wantedto be a lawyer.

That was--

I've been trying totrack you down for days.

So, uh...

So, what's up?

Mom, yes, well,I decided it was time

I learned about...Life...

From, uh, life.

And, uh...

I've got a reallywonderful apartment.

In a really...

Interesting part of town.

Uh-huh.

It's big,

and it's cheap.

An apartment?

Really, and it's,um, it's big?

Because...

Oh, well,the reason I called

is because, um...

Michael and I aregetting a divorce.

Finally?

I mean...

Are you ok?

[Sobs]

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.I'm just, you know,

kind of at my rope's end

about where we weregonna go, but...

I mean, if the apartmentis as big as you say,

then Paul and I couldcome and stay with you.

I knowit's gonna be hard

'cause he's gonnahave to transfer.

Transfer?What do you mean?

Is there a high schoolnear you?

No. I...I don't know.

Anyway,I have to call the bank.

And I'm gonna put the,uh...

Furniture in storage.

And then we'llbe there on Friday.

Ok? Thank you, Margaret.Thank you, sweetheart.

We'll see you soon.Ok, bye-bye.

She's coming here...

To live with me.

No, no, no, no,no, she isn't.

This is my bookstore,where you work

and where I let yousleep on the sofa

in the back untilyou find a place,

which will be very soon,

because your mother'snot coming here.

Try the sublets.

And tell your motheryou're fucking queer

before somebody elsedoes.

[Seagulls chirping]

4 weeks only,then I'm back.

I'm gonna leaveall my stuff.

You got a problemwith that?

Oh, I'm sleeping onthe couch where I work--

it's a long story.

I don't want to come backto any surprises.

Where are you going?

I'm off Thursday,

on the love that latexsafe sex tour.

Oh.

I'm giving safe sexdemonstrations

from tuktoyaktukto yellowknife.

So, you want to take it?

You saved my life.

What--what titles?

I don't know.

They are holding upmy fucking books

at the fuckingborder again,

and they won't even tellyou what fucking titles?

These people don't fuck.That's the problem.

If any of those idiotsfrom customs call,

I'll be on the phone

to the civil libertiesassociation.

This is gonna ruin me.

Maggie:Good morning.

Good morning.

Did you finda place?

Yes.

You did?

Yes.

Good.

Customs held upanother order of books

at the border.

They're claiming the booksare pornographic.

Hello! Which they aren't.

Well, maybe butches in chains is.

But so what?

You were greatthe other night at the club.

I didn't know you were lookingfor a place to live.

You could stay with me.

I've got some new toys.

5-speed vibrator,

magic eggs,

clitishous dancer.

No, but thanks.

Ouch. It's the plightof the bisexual.

Gay girlswon't play with you.

You're not bisexual, Carla.You're omnisexual.

You're like that tornado in the wizard of oz,

sweeping up everythingin your path.

You needto let go more.

Yep, that's me.

Letting it all hang in.

Oh, Carla,my mother and brother

are comingto stay with me,

and I don't want youto frighten them,

all right?

Promise?

Promise.

Hey, Maggie!

Hey, can you believeshe's never been

in my coffee shop?

Tell herhow great it is.

Hey, come on,I just got here.

I haven't been anywhere.

Come on,

tell her how greatit is. Fuck.

It's great.Fuck.

Yeah, see?

Can I take a peek?

Oh, no, no, no.Could you maybe

just add a little bitmore hair up top?

I mean, what is artall about, right?

Illusion.

Well, to quote whistler,a successful picture

is the thrust, movement,countermovement,

and final equilibriumof forms

and colorsin pictorial space.

Which means...

More hair.

Yeah, just a little bit.

There.

Finished?

Done.

Minchia, Maggie.

Is that a good-lookingguy, or what?

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, you know whati'm gonna do with this?

Gonna hang it up in my cafe.

I don't know, I'm thinkingmaybe you come in,

I give you free cappuccinos.

Yeah, it sounds great.

It's, um, still $20for the picture, though.

Ok, free coffeefor a month.

Do I looklike I'm anywhere

for a month?

Ok, with the coffee,you get my homemade grappa.

Real kick, 100%.

100% what?

100% kick.

Trust me.

See you, Maggie.

Bye, Tony.

Sit down.

I don't have 20 bucks.

Who does?

Sit.

Sit.

I'm Kim.

Maggie.

Wow. You havebeautiful eyes.

Really?

Yeah, really.

So, um...

Great vanyou've got there.

Yeah, I'm livingout of it.

I'm doing that on the road thing.

But, um...

I'm notin any rush.

You want to gofor coffee?

Ok, here we go.

Excuse me.

Try it.

Oh, my God.

That's not a kicker.

That'sa one-two punch.

Tony: That'll put hairon your chest.

[Coughing]

Let's see this.

Tony: Hey, Felipe, you wantto wash these glasses here?

What am I supposed to servethese things in, anyway?

You're good.

You can tell a lotabout a person

from sketching them.

There's problemswith your mother.

Issues abouthigher education.

Mmm.

Single.

That's uncanny.

I asked around.

And, um, you, um...

Have someone?

No.

Oh, hey, sorry.

It's my mother.

Where?

No, not here. Um...

My mother and brother arecoming for a visit on Friday.

Today is Thursday.

Hey, hey, hey,hey, Maggie!

What are you doing?There's no kissing.

No kissing here.You want to kiss,

so someplace else.

Fuck, I got familiescoming in here.

I saw you and that girllast week,

Tony, on the coffee bar.

Hey, I'm a man,she was a woman.

That's different.

What abouthand holding?

Is hand holding ok?

Ha ha ha ha.That's funny.

Get out.

I am out.

Yeah, just go, ok?

Lips.

I'd ask you tocome home with me,

but I haven'tgot one yet.

Well, uh...

There's always my place.

Ooh, nice.

* it's fantastic

[dog barks]

* I can hardly think it

* I heard that it could be,but not for me *

* it's like taking a trip

* and not losing anything

* it's like going out

* and not having to pay

* it's seeing a show

* and not hearingthe whispers *

* it's me loving you

* and you loving me

* they were wrong

* oh, and it's all right

* I'm not in troublewith anyone *

* it's like taking a trip

* and not losing anything

* it's like going out

* and not having to pay

* it's seeing a show

* and not hearingthe whispers *

* it's me loving you

* and you loving me

* I...

[Tow truckengine running]

* I had you with me

* for so long

* for so long

ohh!

Aah!

Oh, my God!

Hang on!

125 bucks.

Oh, great.

So you're justgonna leave it here

with all yourstuff in it?

What choice do I have?

God, I've neverbeen anywhere.

Northern ontariowas boring.

Straight from high schoolto residence.

My mom insisted.

Oh, but the prairies,

they were great.

Hot, very, very hot.

And I hit allthe folk festivals.

And did, like,10 portraits a day.

Paul, honey,speed limit.

Erotic paintings?

Yeah, but first I putthe paint on the person.

On the person?

Yup. Oh.

Where arewe going again?

Um...

Just a minute.Let me look.

'Cause I wroteit down...

On a pieceof paper.

Oh!

Do you wanta chocolate?

Hey, I gota plane to catch.

Don't forgetto water the plants.

Ok. See ya.

Wow.

This place is great.

You like it?

Yeah. Very cool.

I don't know.

I don't think my mom'sgonna like it very much.

Ohh, I gotta sit down.

[Humming]

What are you doing?

Better homes and dildos.

My mother's coming.

I'll take them downtomorrow.

Mm-hmm.You better.

* you're a wild one

* I like your smile

* you do amazing things

* and I can't believeyou're everything *

* you've gotperfect fingers *

* a perfect voice

* your eyes hold the key

* and I can't believe

* you can see

* please hold me

* please know me

* and know everything

* everything

ooh!

* do you understand

mmm.

* you're a wise man

* I feel happy when

* you talk aboutmost anything *

* with thoseperfect fingers *

* you touch my heart

* and you give me strength

* when we're apart

* please hold me

* please show me

[knocking on door]

Paul: Maggie!

[Knock knock knock]

Jesus!

Turn it off!

Paul:Come on, open up.

It's your bro, Paul!

Lila: Paul,do you see anyone?

Yeah, mommy-o,this is the place.

I don't think she's here.

Let's go getsomething to eat.

Lila: Margaret!

Ohh!

Your mother?

Why would anybodybe living here?

Are you sure thisis the right spot?

I don't do familyreunions so well.

I'm gonna goout the back door.

No!

Well, then, what are yougonna tell your mother?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Or maybea big fat lie.

Margaret!

Hi, honey!

Paul, she's here!

Margaret!

Mom!

Oh, baby!

My gosh!Oh, sweetheart.

I'm sorry.I know we're early.

Paul was driving.

Oh, well, you know.Hey, Paul.

Hey, sis,what's going on?

Good to see you.

I'm wet.

Oh, mom, this is Kim.Paul, Kim.

Hello, Kim.Nice to meet you.

Hi. Nice to meet you.You ok?

Yeah.Oh, what a climb.

So this is it, huh?

Welcome.Home sweet home.

It's big.

You're right.

Maggie: Goddesses.

Lila: I noticedthat your goddesses

are all so youngand nubile.

Rather like the person

your stepfather's beenhaving his affair with.

Haven't you heardof the Venus of willendorf?

Goddesses...

Have large,sagging breasts

that have suckledungrateful children

and deceitful men.

Would anyonelike a beer?

Yeah.I'd love one.

Paul: Beer?

Beer? Yeah,I'd love one.

Beer? Don't you haveany wine?

No.

Mom.

So, um...

I thought you couldtake the bedroom,

and, Paul...

You could bunkdown in the hall,

and Kim and I couldjust bunk down

in the back room.

Kim is juststaying for a--

Kim: While.

Short time.

Yes, I knowwhat a while is.

* I cannot think like this

* I cannot explain this

* and I reallydon't want to *

Paul: Night, mom.

Lila: Night, honey.Sleep well.

All set?

So, you're workingin a discount bookstore, huh?

I am?

Oh!

Ten percent.

Well, got everything?

Night, mom.

Well, good night.

* no one would hear this

* I guessi'll shut my mouth *

* and rethink a minute

* but I can'tshut my mouth *

* 'cause there'ssomething in it *

oh, sorry.

Could this be love?

[Laughing]

[Whispers]Shh. Oh, my God.

Shh.

Hmm. Must be love.

There's no other reason

that we'd be puttingourselves through this.

Shh.

Stop it.

[Giggling]

Shut up.

Come on, Maggie.She knows.

No. That would neveroccur to her.

Please.

No.

But if she did know,

she would never let meknow that she knew.

Really?

Well, maybe if she knew,

she'd give us the bed.

* bring me to the end

* 'causei'll be back again *

* make the nightas safe as you can *

[laughing]

Shh.

* tell me that you need

* something I can give

Paul: Uhh!

Uhh!

Uhh!

[Maggie and Kim laughing]

Uhh!

[Kim giggles]

Maggie: Shh.

Huh?

[Kim laughs]

[Maggie and kimmoaning and giggling]

Oh, yeah.

* tell me that you need

* something I can give

[thump]

Oh, shit.

Shh.

Never mind.

You're an animal.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Shouldn't you bein school or something?

Yeah,I start Monday.

Then I write myscholarship exams.

Unlike you, I willget to law school.

So, um,what happened?

Why are youand mom here?

Mommy-o's broke.

Broke?

Michael'sa corporate lawyer.

He prints money.

Michael's been gettinga little exercise

from his partner's wife.

From Sandra,

the tequilaslushy queen?

Yeah, for a year.I mean, she--

[hushed]She had no idea.

Oh, God.

Poor mom.

Oh, God.

Frances: I don't needanother window display.

I need a lawyer.

Little red riding hood?

What is going onwith customs?

Little red riding hoodand the big bad wolf?

That little red riding hood?

Do we stock that book?

A customer ordered itfor her niece.

They're trying to ruin me.

Customs.That's what it is.

Attention, shoppers.

I got a letterfrom my father today.

The same father who told youto drop dead? That father?

Yes. No. Well,what I mean is,

his lawyer wrote me,

and he says my parentsare gonna buy me a condo,

so that afterthe surgery,

I'll have someplaceto go, you know,

to recuperate, to havesome sense of security.

I mean, wow.

Not a word from themsince I told them--

nothing in 2 years--and now this.

They miss me.

I'm gonna write them

and invite them up fora housewarming party.

Please, buy the condoand move my mother in.

Judy:How is your mom?

And I see you havea new friend.

Whoo!

Whoo.

Yeah.

Kim is...

Staying with me.

Yeah...

And her motherand her brother.

Mmm.Sounds complicated.

Well, you know,I have an extra room.

This is Carla...

And Judy.

Hi. It's niceto meet you.

Nice meeting you.

So, I was thinking ofthe heritage peak condos

they're putting updown the street.

I mean, do you think yourmom and I could live there?

Cheap and tawdry goodsmasquerading as quality.

Comme moi.

I'll be a heritage homo.

Frances,

now thati'm almost a woman

of almost means,

I was wonderingif maybe

you'd like to go outwith me sometime?

Well, you know, um,

oh...

Gosh, I'm really,really busy. Ahem.

There's practicallya war on here.

Excuse me.

You can run,but you can't hide.

[Giggles]

So...

Have you told your motherabout your honeymoon yet?

No.

I want her to leave.

I don't want to kill herwith the shock.

Come on,she can take it.

Parents can bevery resilient.

What does she doall day?

Shop, cook, clean,decorate.

Hmm.

She sounds lonely.

[Classical music playing]

[Soprano singing opera]

Hi.

I'm Judy.Is Maggie home?

Oh, um...

Gee, she's not.

You know, she and kimwent out again.

Oh. I brought her theseas a housewarming gift.

Well, for all of you,really.

Well, how lovely.

I'm--I'm lila.

I'm Maggie's mother.

Nice to meet you.

And you're...

Judy.Maggie's friend Judy.

Just think of me as the welcome wagon.

Well, welcome.

Would you like to come in?

Yes. Thank you.

Boy, it's quite a climb,isn't it?

Oh. I almost gotan aneurysm.

And here...

And here.

Oh, lovely.Thank you.

And cheers.Cheers.

Welcome.

Mmm.Mmm.

You know, I just lovethat shirt.

Thank you. I do my bestwith my limitations.

It's so hard to findnice things to wear

when you're my size.

Oh, you should be proudof your size--

so strongand so striking.

I think the word you'relooking for is "enormous."

Exotic.

Thank you.

I just wish Maggie hadsome of your sense of style.

Oh, no, lila.

Maggie's--Maggie's lovely.

She's very clever,you know.

Yes. Yes, she is, but...

What is going onwith her these days?

Mmm.

You'd haveto ask her that, lila.

So, there is something going on?

Oh, well, she's 19.

There's always somethinggoing on when you're 19.

More wine?

Did you ever wake upone morning

and feel that everythingin your life was wrong?

Mmm.

Because I woke upone morning last month,

and...

And I knowthis sounds silly,

because, you know,housewives...

Excuse me.Homemakers,

as we're now called,

aren't supposed to haveexistential crises.

Oh...

I think homemakers

have existential crisesall the time.

Well, I found out

that my husbandhad been having an affair.

Oh.

And it had been going onfor more than a year.

A year?That's a long time.

I had the choiceright then

to either carry on...

Or break it up.

Oh, my goodness.You're easy to talk to.

Oh.

Here's to strong women.

To strong women.

God loves you.

Hey, I'm busy here.

Jesus loves you.

Thank you.

Can you still read"die, dyke, die,"

or do you think

I've finallygotten it all off?

Uh-uh.

Ohh.

[Maggie laughs]

Ahh...

Hey, Maggie, you know,we never used to have graffiti

around here--never.

Yeah. I think it'smy window displays.

Oh, yeah.

Listen, Maggie,first it's graffiti,

then they startbreaking windows,

then God knowswhat's next.

Certain people,

you don't want to attracttheir attention,

capisce?

Capisce.

Hey, I don't need peoplewriting "dyke"

on my coffee bar,all right?

Do I look likea dyke to you?

Frances: Come on.

You're riding shotgun.

Where are we going?

Customs, baby.

Ooh.

Hey, hey, hey!

Who's supposed to cleanthis shit up now, huh?

[Tires squeal]

[Speaking italian]

Excuse me.Yes?

Can you direct meto Mr. Marcus' office?

Downstairs, turn right.

You see, buildings like thisare actually designed

along the linesof a rationalist conspiracy.

The thing is notto be bamboozled,

just know whereyou're going and go there.

I am so sorry.

Woman: Aah!

Don't ask.

Oh, boy.

The books have beenclassified as obscene

and will not be allowedthrough the border.

Now, if I can justget you to sign here...

Little red riding hood is obscene?

Well, we--we thoughtthat was something else.

I'll bet you did.

Our mistake.

However,titles such as...

The lesbian s-m virtual sex manual

and a guide to a--

ahem.

Anal safe sex

will remain here with us.

Something to read onthose dark, lonely nights.

If I could just get you to signhere, here, and here and here,

you can have little red riding hood

back within the week.

Seriously, Mr. Marcus,

the supreme court hasdeclared that anal sex

is to gay male sex

what Mozart is to classical music.

Miss Turner, we are not hereto discuss classical music.

I myself am a hugemozart fan, but--

look, the fuckingsupreme court

has declared this materialis not obscene!

In case you haven't noticed,this is not the supreme court.

We are here in customs,and I have a job to do.

Oh, just followingorders, are we, asshole?

From your perspective,

that must be a complimentof mozartian proportions.

Security! Security!

Frances, I thinkyou should let him go.

Do we have a problem?

Bernice?

Bernice, is that you?

My God,I haven't seen you

since the womyn'smusic festival.

Who was that womanyou were with,

the meter maid?

Julie?How is Julie?

I'm going back in there.

I don't think so.

* sometimes I can't sleep

* I can't keep allthese feelings invading *

* I am rage,I am sorrow *

* and grief,all alone in my wait *

uhh.

* or keep my eyes closed

* I'll be opento strife *

* to the powers that be,say never *

* in the middleof the night *

* I'm gonna stand up

* and let myself become

* stand up now

* I got my one life

* and what's itto amount to *

* if I don't learn how?

* to love you

* and love myselfbeside you *

* mix the gentleand proud *

* I want a love likethe vision in the winter *

* gonna stand up--

wow.

That is a great piece.

It's a great piece of...

Art, frances.

Maggie: The ice agedestroyed the dinosaurs,

so I'm commenting

on the dinosaurmentality of customs.

Ultimately,the cube melts,

and the booksare liberated.

But ruined.

Liberated, but ruined.

It's conceptual.

Carla: Ooh, yes.

I love the layersof meaning.

Frances:Like a popsicle--

there'San orange layer

and a blue layer and a pink layer.

Mm-hmm.

Now, you were goingto clean up

after your conceptual

once it starts to melt,right?

Oh, yeah.

Right.

Lila:"For bright pink,

use whole dye package."

So, have you knownmargaret long?

No, actually,not that long at all--

maybe about a week.

Mmm.

Seems like longer.

Yes. You twoseem very close.

We are.

Actually, that's somethingi'd like to talk--

Margaret never reallyhad any friends

in high school.

I mean, she wasa straight-a student,

so she was alwaysstudying.

But that's whyi don't understand

why she has quituniversity.

It's whatshe always wanted.

Hmm.

Have you beento university?

Art school.

Ah, art school.

I went to music school,you know.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.

I used to sing--

puccini, verdi.

You sang opera?

I know.

I hardly seem likethe prima Donna type now,

but, yes, I...

I had to give thatall up, of course.

Why "of course"?

Well, because it's--it's nonsense, really.

I mean...

You know,if you can't be great,

if you can't bethe best...

That's ridiculous.

What if it's whatyou really love to do?

Lila, I want to talkto you about something.

Maggie and I--

you didn't ask maggieto quit university, did you?

No. No, no, no.I didn't.

I did wantto talk to you

about her and...Well, and about me.

We're in love.

[Huffs]

Well, that went well.

712 heritage.All right.

This mustbe the place.

My résumé.

I am woman.

Are you hereabout the job, dear?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Uh, ahem.

I can type120 words a minute.

I can do spreadsheets, lotus, and windows.

Oh, I--I am sorry,

but the job'sbeen filled,

so why don't you justleave me your résumé,

and I'll get back to youif something comes up.

Are you here aboutthe job?

That's right.

I thought there wassomeone else here.

No. Only me.

Ok.

[Laughs]

You know,I do windows.

Good. Good.

[Music playing]

* new sound

hey, watch it.

Sorry.

I got the job.

Oh, mom,

congratulations.

Wine, my dear--

much more ladylikethan beer.

And if I help the agentswith sales,

they'll give me a commissionon their commission.

Awesome, mom.

Mom, you rock.

Well...

I'm not the personi was going to be,

I'll tell you.

I was gonnahave a career.

I was gonna have...

A wonderful,successful marriage

and 2 wonderful, successful children and...

Look at me.

And look at you.

You're looking so,I don't know,

just shabbythese days.

To you, mom.

Lila: And, you know,

I'm going to betaking messages

and helpingthe agents

while they'reselling the units

and keepingthe show suite clean,

which is, you know...

I read a study,

and afterthe age of 40,

a woman's chancesof having sex

are diminished by 80%.

Oh.

So, after 50,

God help you.

And since I probablywon't be having sex again,

chocolate's the onlypleasure left to me.

Kim?

Do you havea boyfriend, dear?

No, I don't.

Funny, that.

What's wrong with boysthese days?

Paul?

Yes, mom.

Honey?

No. It's ok, mom.

Yeah?

* oh, yeah

what is thisgod-awful music?

The thing is,

she's gonna find outsooner or later.

I know, I know.It's just...

Just give me some time.

[Sighs]

* I'm in love with

* I'm in love with

* I'm in love with

* Julie christie

* she makes me go misty

* she makes me go

* ah

* oh, what a star

* everybody's entitled

* to a bit of fantasy

* ooh wee ooh ooh

* and how I'd love

* to step insidethe screen *

* ah ah ah

* everybody's entitled

* to a bit of fantasy

* well,you know that film *

* Billy liar

* she sets my hearton fire *

* Julie christie

* LA LA LA LA

* she makes me go misty

* ooh ooh ooh ooh

* she makes me go

* ah

* oh, what a star

* I'm in love with

* I'm in love with

* Julie christie

* LA LA LA LA

* she makes me go misty

* ooh ooh ooh ooh

* she makes me go

* ah

* oh, what a star

* Julie christie

* Julie christie

* Julie christie

* Julie christie

mom?

Oh, Margaret,I'm so sorry.

I should've rinsed outthe machine

after I--I dyedmy underwear, and I...

It's ok.

We'll just tell everyonewe're from a cult.

Ooh.

Mom?

Margaret,whatever happened

to that boyyou were dating?

Todd?

He went to Toronto

to study fashion design.

Fashion design?

Oh. Oh, like...

Fashion design.

I never liked him.

Mom--

and you still haven'texplained to me

why you left school.

I hated it there.

I mean...

I might want to trysomething else,

like writing.

Maybe. Writing?

Margaret, there isno future in the arts.

You will need somethingto fall back on.

Like Michael?

I'm sorry.I am sorry, mom.

I...

Mom, just becauseyou stopped singing opera

or whatever

doesn't mean thati have to be like you.

I'm different.

In fact, I'm very different.

I'll say you're different.

You're--look whatyou're wearing.

You will never get a boyfriend...

Dressed like that.

Mom? Ok?

And...

I'm not very happy aboutthat hole in your navel.

I know.I know what you need.

I brought you something.

Mr. snuggly.

Oh, baby,do you remember

when you couldn't sleepwithout him?

Mom, I can sleep without himjust fine now, trust me.

Well...

Thanks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Paul: Mommy-o?

Mommy-o, is this, like,a grateful dead thing?

Lila: Granite countersand a very cozy but spacious

breakfast nook.

And, of course, outside,the tile patio

for outdoor diningwhen weather's nice

with the latticeand the planting

for that illusionof privacy.

And they're all, of course,exactly like this.

We only have 6 of them.

But let me show youupstairs,

because I just knowyou'll love the bedroom.

Judy: I think you're rightabout the colors, lila.

Well, you needintensity, Judy,

to complementyour personality.

Hmm. Decorativeborders?

Kind of Matisse-y.

You know,

one color combinationi simply adore.

I saw iton a silk ribbon once.

It was taupe and lime.

Yummy.

Ohh. Come and seethe view.

Oh, you're gonna die.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Don't you love it?

Ohh. Uh-huh.

So, what do you do,judy?

Um, I sing in a club.

You're a singer?

Just old standards.

Oh, how wonderful.

Well, please singsomething for me.

Oh. Um...

* we'll finda perfect peace *

* where joys never cease

* somewhere

* beneath the starry skies

* we'll build a sweet

* little nest

* somewhere in the west

* and let the rest

* of the world

* go by

that was lovely.

Oh...

You know, I never reallyhad any talent.

Oh, I neverlet that stop me.

Lila:Here we go.

Lila...

I want to askyour advice.

My advice?Me?

Love advice.Woman advice.

Well, I think you've cometo the wrong place for that.

I mean, you'd haveto ask me advice

on howto end up alone.

No.

Now, I'm very attractedto this...

Person,

but I'm not gettinganywhere.

What's his name?

Frances.

Francis--what a lovely,old-fashioned name.

Hmm.

That's sort ofthe problem.

Lunge at it.

Really?

That'smy new philosophy.

If you really wantsomething,

you lunge at it.

What if it doesn'twork out?

Well, in my experience,

things don't reallywork out anyway.

* I can't have

* everything I want

* 'cause I can't have...

I give up.

How about some cocoa?

We got to go, mom.

You're going out?Margaret, it's after 10:00.

Yeah, well,in some places,

the night'sjust starting.

Oh.

Have a good time.

Thanks.

[Sighs]

* I want someone

* to grant my wishes

* I want a boy

* who'll blow me kisses

* I want a friend

woman:Roses, roses.

Anybody want a rose?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, do you want a rose?

No.

* and I can't have

do you want one?

* everything I want

well, actually,

I was thinking aboutsomething else.

* you

* I can't have

* everything I want

uh-uh.

[Laughs]

You know,it's really hard having sex

when your mother is sleepingin the next room.

Mmm.

Oddly enough,

it's really hardto have sex

when you makeso much noise.

Ohh...

Woman: Oh, hi.

[Both moaning]

Woman:Is this a lineup?

[Moaning louder]

[Chuckling]

Woman: Yeah.

Woman:Naughty girls.

[Laughs]

Oh, my God.

Thank you.Thank you very much.

Woman: Oh, ok,come on, honey.

Woman:Hey, hey, hey.

This is great.

Hey...

Look who I foundwhen I came to see

if you girlswanted to play.

Looks like you've beenplaying already.

What, you accusing usof having sex in the bathroom?

I hear it's all the rage.

Paul, I--

Carla justgave me a ride

on her motorcycle.

Carla.

Maggie, Maggie,

I bought a condofrom your mother today.

Oh, she issuch a sweetheart.

And I've finallysent that invitation

to my parents.

I never thoughti'd see the day.

I can't talk right now.

I am onin, like, 5 seconds.

* oh

* oh

* oh, yeah

God...

I can't believe carlabrought Paul here.

He's only 17.

He's not evenconsenting age.

Looks likehe's consenting to me.

Woman: Hey, everybody,

if you'd pleasetake your seats--

our very ownjudy squires.

[Parisian accordion musicplaying]

* I'm not

* a fucking drag queen

* I'm in another bracket

* what you see before you

* is notsome midnight racket *

[women giggling]

* nothing here is padded

* I've paida mighty fortune *

* a few thingshave been added *

* and oneor 2 subtractions *

[laughter]

* I'm nota fucking drag queen *

* I won't let youforget it *

* when you say,good day, sir *

* you stab meall the way through *

* my tender

* transgender heart

[applauseand cheering]

* and if you happento be gay *

* you could showa little heart *

* and understanding

* instead of twitteringand whispering *

* and pointingjudas fingers *

* like a bunchof cunning linguists *

* at somegender crucifixion *

* and if you thinki'm such a freak *

* there's no needto cut me down *

* and put me in my place

* you just may wannatake a look *

* at why your pantsare oh, so wet *

* and your knees,like castanets *

* are giving you away

* I'm not

* a fucking drag queen

* I don't wearfoot-long lashes *

* don't weara pound of makeup *

* or 17 tiaras

* I don't want your $5.00

* before this song is over

* don't want yourhow's it going, man? *

* no, no, no, no, no, no

* miss squireswill do nicely *

* 'cause I'm nota fucking drag queen *

* so pleasedon't be so rude *

* I'll breakyour fucking legs, sir *

* and theni'll pirouette while *

* I mend my

* transgender heart

* can't you just sayyes, dear *

* and she and herand sister *

* to my tender

* transgender

* hearrrrrt?

[Cheering]

[Dance music resumes playing]

Yeah. So good.

That was great.Really.

Family life's startingto really get weird.

Yeah, I bet they didn'tteach you this is sex ed.

Well, consider me Dr. carlaat your service.

What's withall those dildo things?

Ohh.

They used to bea political no-no,

but now it's justa radical sex thing.

Of course,

I've always done exactlywhat I wanted to do.

Girls have to improvise,you know?

I like a cucumber,

but they can getreally slippery.

Frances,I'm in love with you,

and I'm lunginguntil I get you.

This isn't a good place,time, to lunge.

I'm undera lot of pressure

with this customs thing.

I know.I'm lunging anyway.

Judy...

I have never beenwhat you would call

"sexually adventurous."

You don't have to be.I'll take that on.

I mean, I've never hada threesome.

I've barely hadtwosomes.

I have had3 girlfriends,

all of whomwere exactly like me.

I'm exactly like you.

I know your favorite writeris gertrude Stein.

And I love gertrude Stein.

And not justthe readable Stein.

I was an English major.

My thesis was on Stein's

the geographical history of America.

"I think if you announcewhat you see..."

"Then nobodycan say no."

Wow.

Would you like to--

I'd love to.

Both: I just have Togo to the bathroom.

After you.

Oh, man.Do you have my keys?

[Motorcycle starts]

Hop on.

Cool.

Ha ha. Whoo-hoo!You fuckin' dykes!

[Bottle smashes]

Woman:What an asshole!

I'll just go, um,and pay the bill.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

[Water dripping]

[Door opens]

[Smooching noises]

Excuse me?

Aren't youin the wrong place...

Sir?

I don't think so.

Shouldn't you bein the men's washroom?

I mean, you are a man.

No, I'm not.

Get out.

Make me.

Are you happy now?

* pure

* you're touchin' me

* so pure

* you're touchin' me

* pure

* you're touchin' me

oh.

Let's go home.

Get out!

Stop it! Stop it!

Are you ok?

She's not a woman!

She should bein the men's washroom!

She is a woman, and she's our friend!

She is not a woman!

Yes, she is!

Now you sayyou're sorry.

She doesn't have to.

Say it!

I'm sorry.

Sorry, ma'am.

I--

I'm sorry...

Ma'am.

Thank you.

Here.

[Signing alongwith soprano opera music]

[Clatter]

Hmm?

Hmm?

Mmmph.

Mmm.

Mmm.

This is a great place.

And it's very private.

D-do you reallylike boys?

I--I mean...

Soft centers...

Hard centers--

I like all the chocolatesin the box.

[Giggling]

[Giggling]

[Squealing with delight]

[Moaning]

[Click]

[Humminggrows louder]

Oh.

[Click click]

Wow.

[Humminggrows louder]

[Moaning loudly]

Bite me.

Yes!

Come on in.

Thank you.

I'll take your coat.

Thank you.

Would youlike some tea?

I have,um, mint dreams,

cranberry mist,lemon zip...

Decaf, organicearl grey.

Yes, please.

Lunge.

Frances...

Mm-hmm?

Oh.

Um...

H-here.

It's ok.

Just...

Mmm!

Um, I just...

What's wrong?

I...

I think I needa little more time.

Ohh.

Oh.

Oh, ok.

Um, ok.

I'll get your coat.

Just...

All right.

I had a really good timetonight.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Call me.

Good night.

[Tea kettle whistling]

Good night.

[Loud moaning]

Oh!

[Humming stops]

[Click click]

[Gasps]

Batteries!

Batteries. Oh! Here.

Hurry. Here's some.

No!

Oh.

Here. Here's some.

Ok. Here.

Where's the batter--ah. Ok.

[Singing with opera]

[Squeals]

[Humming]

[Moaning]

* ahhhhh!

[Laughing]

Woman: * my whole life

* I'm searching for

* someone like you

* to take me gentlyby the hand *

* and to show mewhat to do *

* please

* show me what to do

* oh, oh, whoa, yeah

* ooh

* my whole life

* yeah

* ooh

* my whole life

* yeah

* ooh

* my whole life

* it's not over

* it's my whole life

* yeah

* ooh...

[Snickers]

Mmm.

[Seagulls cawing]

Hmm.

[Humming]

[Silverwareclinking]

Good morning, Margaret.

I made coffee.

[Taps foot]

Everybody decent?

Mom!

Um...

Oh.

Um...

I, uh...

I made some coffee.

So...

I...

I wanted to ask youabout, um...

How should I put this?

About this...

About the box

that I found underneathyour bed last night.

The box?

Ohh.

The box.

Y-you know, uh...

I should go.

No.

Oh, no.You should stay.

All right.

The box.

Mom, aboutthat box...

Because I...

I was surprisedthat a girl your age

would need all those...

Implements, but--

mom...

They're not mine.

What?

They're not mine.

They belong to the womanthat I'm subletting from.

She does thesesafe sex demonstrations.

Oh, my God.

Mom,did you, um...

Mom, did you?

Yes!

Yes?!

Well, and why not?

And, actually,

the experiencewas very, um...

Uh, liberating.

It was very liberating.

So, Margaret...

Now you tell me...

What's going on here?

What?

Well, there's somethinggoing on here that's...

I mean, are you, um...

Do you actually thinkyou're in love?

Lila: Well?

Well...

Well...

Mom...

I'm tired of you alwaysrunning my life

and criticizing me.

I--I don--

criticizing the wayi look...

I--I don't run your life.

The way I dress...

Let me tell you something.

I would loveto run your life, missy.

Somebody should be runningyour life--

so you're admitting it?

I would do a better job.

Oh, right, you're runningyour own life so well.

You thinkbecause you're young,

everything's gonna work out.Well, that's not true.

You fuck up now,and you're gonna...

Me fuck up?

Fuck upyour entire life!

Me fuck up?! Look at yourself!

Leave it!

Let me help!

Leave it! I'm fine!

I'm sorry!

She asked youif we were in love!

My mother doesn'tneed to know

everything that'sgoing on in my life!

Well, then fuck you!

[Growls]

Go and get Paul.

I am not goingto be sticking around.

[Muttering]

It's notthat I didn't try to help.

I have tried to help.

I have triedin every way I could.

But if that's how she feels...

[Car alarm wailing]

* just want a Cadillac

* so that I can drive away

* I'll head downto a California town *

* and there I'll lay...

Here you go.

* I'll dance all nightuntil the break of dawn *

thanks.

* till my sorrowis long gone *

[muttering]

* I beti'll never rid myself *

* of this place...

Ok, ok.

If that's the wayit's going to be,

that's the way it's going to be.

[Muttering]

And nobody...

Even...

Here. Let me getthe door for you, Tony.

Hey, Judy, what do youthink of this?

My sister-in-lawgave it to me.

Fuck.

Oh, it's beautiful,tony.

Aw, it's a pieceof garbage,

but it's betterthan the other one.

Hey, watch your backthere, my love.

Ok, put itover here.

Right here?

Come on. Here.Put it down.

What,are you stupid?

So why didn'tshe just tell lila?

It doesn't matter.

It's over.

Listen to me.

Kim, if you leave now,

you will be making a hug mistake.

I mean,you two have it made.

You love each other.It's as clear as day.

And love is not that easyto come by.

Well, how about youand frances?

Are you ok?

Not really.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

She's the onemaking the huge mistake.

That's for sure.

Come on, Judy.You're one in a million.

Thank you.

And what do you get?

* I'll funnelin a California town *

* I'll finally layall my pain down *

* I'm clearing out of hereat the break of dawn *

* and then my sorrowwill be long gone *

* will be long gone

San Francisco?

That's what she said.

Oh, great.

Oh, sweetie, why didn'tyou just tell your mom?

I suddenly felt ashamed

I wasn't sleeping withmr. Snuggly anymore.

What?

I gotta go to work.

No, sweetie.You stay right here.

[Horn honksand tires squeal]

Get yourself together.Take all the time you need.

Thank you.

[Sobbing]

Ohh, sweetie.

It's gonna be ok.

[Coins clink]

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

It's about time.

Clean up this mess.

[Ring]

Hello?

[Click]

Asshole.

Ahem. Hi, frances.

[Bernice sighs]

I'm sorryabout the other day.

Yeah?

I came to tell youi found this.

The film classification boardis coming here.

They're gonna impoundyour videos.

Ahem.

I stole this for you.

Shit.

They're coming heretonight.

Tonight?

They love coming at nightbecause of the overtime.

They'll be herejust before closing time.

[Sighs]

Yeah, well...

Look, bernice...

Thanks.

Yeah.

That's ok.

"Officers are to searchthe premises

"and seize any videos

which could be classifiedas obscene materials"?

I give up.

I mean,maybe they're right.

Look at this place.

Yeah.

It's obscene.

That's the point!

We can hide the videos.

They'll justcome back for them.

Call your lawyer.Call the newspapers.

They want obscene?

Maggie...

Speak to me.

They've got it!

Aah.

Margaret and inever fight,

but all of a sudden,I'm the bad guy.

Well, don't you worryabout a thing, lila.

You and Paul can stay hereas long as you like.

Oh, and then,so Paul calls

to say that he's notcoming home last night.

And, you know,that's just so unlike him.

And, you know, I'm really-- I'm worried sick.

I mean,what's gotten into him?

Mmm.

[Doorbell chimes]

I'll get that,sweetheart.

Hi, uh, special deliveryfor Mr. Jeremy squires.

He has to sign.

Oh. Jeremy?

I think you havethe wrong address.

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm Jeremy.

Oh, I'm sorry, Judy.

I-I'm Jeremy squires.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

You're Jeremy?

Why don't you come inside,honey?

Just come inside.

[Whimpers]

I'm Jeremy.

You're a man.

No. No, no, no.

No, not really.

Not ever.

I--I was borninto a man's body,

but I've alwaysbeen a woman.

And, well,after the final surgery...

I--I think I needa little drink.

Help yourself.

"Dear--"

hmmph. "Jeremy...

"Thank youfor your invitation,

"but your mother and I

won't be ableto visit with you."

Tsk. Oh.

"I'm sorry,but in the future,

"I think it's...

Best..."

What is it?

Um...

My father'slawyer...

Will be in touchwith you

about the sale.

So they're notgonna come?

But...

Well, they bought youthis place.

Yes, well, apparently,

this place is a...

A "get lost" contract.

Well...

Shit, shit, shit,shit, shit.

You know, I'm...

I'm feelinga kind of...

Of rage.

A nasty kind of...

Bubbling up kind...

[Man's voice]Of a rage.

Thank you.

[Glass shatters]

I'm too oldfor this.

No...

You are not too old.

You are pissed off.

See...

Rage gets trapped...

In the body...

And...

It can make youfeel old

and tired.

That's whyyou have to let it out.

Oh.

Like this.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Don--aah.

Ohh.

[Exhales deeply]

* gonna stand up

* and let myselfbe counted for *

* stand up now

* I got but one life

* and what's itto amount to *

* if I don't learn how

lila! Lila!Lila! Lila!

No! I can't!

Come on,come on.

Yes, you can.

And remember--scream.

Let it out.Let it out.

Lila! Lila!

Here...We...Go!

Aah! Oh!

Oh! Ha ha!

Aah!

[Both squealingwith delight]

Oh, my God!

Here. Here we go.

1, 2, 3!

Aah!

Tony, thisseizure thing...

Maggie, come on!

What is she gonna do,stay like this all night?

...this together.

I'm gonnacall the press.

I'm gonnacall my lawyer.

I gotta go lock up.

I gotta get changed.

I'll be right back, ok?

Just stay where you are.

Lila: Because weare the goddesses...

[Burps]

And what we need,we take.

Come on.

I want francesto hear this.

Yes, but we can'tgo over like this.

Oh.

Makeover! Makeover!

[Car horn honks]

[Shower running]

Frances: I'll just callthe television stations.

No, no.No, the newspapers.

[Telephone ringing]

Answering machine:Hi, it's frances. Talk now.

[Beep]

Hi, frances?

It's Kim.

Um...

I can't findmaggie anywhere.

Or lila.

Where is everyone?

Oh, forget it.

If you get this message,

can you just tell maggiethat I called?

Thanks.

[Beep]

Ha ha ha!

Hey, dyke!

Hey, hey, baby!

I know what she needs.

Whoo! Whoo!

Come on, man.We're late.

Forget it. Fuck.

[Lila laughing]

I'm goingfrom Shannon

to dublin

to London

to Botswana.

Ohh!Oh, honey.

[Cat screeches]

Uhh.Whoopsie.

Ohh.

Oh, maybe this wasn'tsuch a good idea.

No.

No, we must goand find this Francis.

Ohh.

Oh.

In my hair?Just a little.

Oh, my God.

Are you ok?

Yeah. Oh, God,I feel much better. Ohh.

Come on, lesbo!

Don't you want toplay with me, huh?!

[Pounding on door]

[Singing]

[Skinheads yelling]

Shh. Shh shh shh.

Skinhead: I've got 8 inchesfrom hell here for you, baby.

Lila: Oh, my God,that looks like Margaret.

It is.

Skinhead:Do what the man says.

Get away frommy daughter, you...

Get away from her!

You stupid...

All right!

Come on, guys,get lost.

Yeah, getout of here!

Fuck you!

Aah! Judy!

God.Oh, Judy.

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Lila:Oh, my God!

Dyke!

Thank you.

Margaret!

Open the door, Margaret.

What are youdoing in there?

You've gotno clothes on.

No,please open the door!

Mar--come on, Margaret,open the goddamn door!

No! Wait! Wait!

You'regonna break in?

If I have to.

Ok.

I am not taking sides.

Fine.

[Bell on door rings]

Oh, my God,maggie, please.

Sweetheart, please.

Come down out of the window.Maggie, please.

I need a coffee.

Maggie, come on.

We're closed.

You want one?

Why are you doing this?

I think I saw a light onover in Tony's.

This is about Kim,isn't it?

You thinki don't know anything...

About life, about love?

Well, let me tell yousomething.

I was in love once...

Completely.

And his name was Otis.

Otis?

Yes, and he was a back-upsinger for Wayne Newton.

Yoo-hoo! Tony!

You got toput something on.

Oh, Maggie, he was so--

he had this little blackmustache and this--

yeah, ok, Judy,you want some coffee,

you're gonna have tomake it yourself, all right?

Thank you, Tony.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Hey, listen, I calledmy lawyer, you know.

Yeah. I told francesi would, and I did.

[Hissing]

Damn this thing.

It doesn't fit.

I thoughti loved your father.

I mean, we'd been marriedfor 2 years.

I was pregnant with you,but--

mother!

Then I met Otis,and I...

Oh, my God.

[Men yelling]

[Engine revving]

Skinhead:Light it first.

It's nota fuckin' hammer.

Light the fuckin' thing.Come on, baby, let's go!

Hey!

[Tires screech]

[Gasps]

Skinhead: Ah, yeah!

Fuckin' dykes!

Aah!

Burn, baby! Burn!

Go, go! Go!

[Tires screech]

Shit!

[Electrical buzzing]

[Gasping]

Mom?

Mom?

Mom, where are you?

Mom?

Mom?

Maggie!

Mom!

Mom!Maggie!

Mom!

Oh, honey.Mom!

Oh, sweetheart.

Are you ok?

I'm ok, mom.Are you ok?

Oh, baby. Oh...

Ohh.

[Tony moans]

Wait a second.

[Tony moaning]

Who's this?

[Coughing]

Oh, my God. Tony!

Tony:It's my sister-in-law's

stupid fucking oven.

Ohh!

[Coughing]

Where is Judy?

Wait.

Judy? Judy?

Oh, look at this.

My store blows up

and nobody evencomes to see me.

It's broken. Fuck.

Judy!

Judy: Lila. Lila.

Oh,there you are!

Oh, Maggie!Oh, my God, are you ok?

Lila, I gotthe license plate number.

We have to callthe police.

Good.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Frances!Frances, wait!

We need to call the police.I got the license plate number.

I called the police.I called the police.

And you know,are you all right?

That's frances?

Judy...

Hmm?

I love you.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Thank God.

* your love

* is better than ice cream

you go on now,go on.

* better than anything elsethat I've tried *

careful, Maggie.Watch the traffic.

[Horn honks]

* is better than ice cream

* everyone hereknows how to fight *

* it's a long way down

* it's a long way down

* it's a long way down

Tony: So...Are you a dyke, too?

Lila:No, no, no, no.

Here.Have a drink.

[Lila coughing]

[Siren]

* your love

* is better than chocolate

* better than anything elsethat I've tried *

* oh, love

* is better than chocolate

* everyone hereknows how to cry *

* it's a long way down

* it's a long way down

* it's a long way down

* to the placewhere we started from *

[cheering]

Yeah, shake it, mama!Whoo!

Whoa! Whoo!

* ow!

* you been watching me

* all night

* even thoughi know it's not right *

* I walked out withmy tail in the air *

* turned aroundjust to see who'd stare *

* and I know

* tonight you wannabe with me, yeah *

* from the bar,I'll blow you a kiss *

* impossiblefor you to resist *

* you really wishyou could take me home *

* boy,you're going home alone *

* and I know

* tonight you wannabe with me, yeah *

* buy the drinksand talk to me *

* I'll drive you crazy,wait and see *

* I'll tease you tillyou think you'll explode *

* you have to go hometo blow your load *

* and I know

* tonight you wannabe with me, yeah *

* and I know

* tonightyou're gonna dream of me *

* I could take a trip

* get away from this place

* but I'm stuck like glueto you *

* I wish I could die

* and finish this lie,but I won't *

* 'cause I know thatit may cause hurt to you *

* flying in a plane

* on a Friday afternoon

* would be a thrill

* making history

* in the world today

* by sculpting someone

* oh, lazy,let it slip away *

* and if I took a tripto the north horizon *

* the weather would change

* the freedom is inthe one vacation *

* that's living today

* only I don't know

* if I can buildrocket ships *

* with my handsand with my mind *

* but dreamsdon't ever die *

* they cower and hideand they manifest *

* and grow deeper inside

* alone, I wonder why

* should I save my soul

* in a future dreamof eternity *

* when life is to spend

* and despite the trends

* I'd rather be a fighterfor livin' free *

* and if I took a tripto the north horizon *

* the weather would change

* the freedom is inthe one vacation *

* that's living today

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da da dada da da *

* da

* after all the pain

* and the tears subside

* I find that there'sstill love inside *

* and I want you back...

Captioning made possible bytrimark home video

captioned by the nationalcaptioning institute--www.Ncicap.Org--