Original subtitles

Kane is in the building, nigga...

Now tell me how you love it You know you at the top

When only heaven's right above it, we on

'Cause we on

Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole?

I'm with Marley G, bro

Flying Holly Grove chicks to my Hollywood shows

And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know

This that Slumdog Millionaire Bollywood flow

And...

My real friends never hearing from me

Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me

That's why I pick and choose I don't get shit confused

Don't like my women single I like my chicks in twos

And these days all the girls is down to roll

I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole

Plus, I been sippin' So this shit is movin' kinda slow

Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go

William Strasmore II.

The only thing you were second at, you motherfucker.

As if that wasn't good enough for you.

After everything we went through,

everything that we slugged our way through,

our childhood and all that shit...

I mean, what the hell could have been so hard?

I thought you were a fighter, Billy.

What the fuck were you thinking?

And I know it wasn't about me because, if it was about me,

you would've known that I was always there for you,

but instead you fucking quit on me, you fucking pussy!

Selfish piece of shit!

Everything always had to be about you, right?

I idolized you!

And fuck you for leaving me here.

You should have taken me with you, you fucking coward!

Oh!

Jesus, who's directing this,

James Cameron?

Hey, listen, no matter what he says,

just take a deep breath before you respond, huh?

You know me. I specialize in making people feel good.

Well, yeah, you have been known to ruffle a few feathers, too.

Cut! Cut, cut, cut.

Baby, baby, baby. Zion, I'm gonna need one more.

We're getting to the Promised Land that your name suggests.

You're making me crazy. Am I man, or am I machine?

I already did it for you like 100 times, bro!

Okay, well, let's go for 101. Like the Dalmatians.

Ah! I didn't see you guys there, lurking in the shadows.

Yeah. For big men, we move stealthily, like ninjas.

Strike like ninjas, too.

So no more beef?

What? Oh, the Parker Coca-Cola thing?

No, that shit's Old Testament, man.

I've moved on. Moved on. I'm a businessman.

Good. Okay, bigger and better deals, great to hear.

Yeah. So what's all this epicness?

Just content for the channel. We do more than surfing.

Maybe I should go home, put my Vans on,

and do some, uh, big-time ollies.

Well, that would surely go as viral as herpes.

And that's always got to be the aim.

We've got to stay relevant and keep reinventing ourselves.

- Just like you, Spencer, huh? - Looks pricey. Is it?

I don't carry a budget around in my back pocket, Joe.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go pick up Vernon and Reggie at the airport,

and maybe you can stay and help him produce this whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, high school is retiring Vernon Littelfield's number today.

Oh, well, congratulations. Tell Vernon congratulations

from all of us here at Sports X.

- Have fun. - All right, man. Talk to you later.

Lance, buddy, I sense a little defensiveness.

I don't like to let money get in the way of creating art, Joe.

Well, we don't let art get in the way of creating money.

Jesse!

Jesse, can you take this guy to craft, get him some sushi or something,

load it up with salmonella, so he knows what it's like

to be disrupted while he's trying to work.

Okay, got it. Hey, dude.

- Hey, Cheese. - Is it usually like this?

No, it's usually an iPhone at the Berrics.

- I'll show you where the espresso is. - Yeah.

All right, man.

Y'all be good. All right, peace.

- What up, Spence? - Vern.

Yo, don't forget to read that book about Lucky Luciano.

Watch the doc too, the one where he dies in the end.

Will do, paisan.

- Ciao. - Be good, Goodfellas.

Spence, see how responsible I've become?

- We're jetting smarter. - Yes, you are.

Appreciate the effort, Vern, but, look, if that means

you're gonna get implicated in the next racketeering sting,

I'd rather you guys fly yourself.

Ready for your big coronation?

It's just the high school retiring my jersey, Spence.

- That's what I said. - Shut up, Reg.

- Hey, it's an honor. - Just saying,

every time we go back home, everybody's got their hand out.

- Come on, Reg. Don't be so jaded. - I can't help it. I'm from Compton.

Got the right attitude now, Vern.

It's gonna be the first of many honors.

Let me tell you something. You keep playing the way you're playing,

Dallas is gonna put you in the ring.

Then you're gonna wear a gold jacket.

Hopefully, my bust will be next to yours.

Yeah, and congrats on the HOF thing.

- Wow! Thank you, Reg. - Good.

Now can we stop jerking each other off

and get in and out of LA with some money left in our pockets?

What the fuck, man, what happened to Tiffany?

- I thought that was your girl. - Oh, man, she is.

You know what I'm saying? Tiff's my "girl" girl, bro.

But she gets seasick, all right.

Don't say nothing. I don't want to spook Tasha.

- She old work. - I ain't saying shit.

I know you got me.

How long you been fucking with Donna, anyway?

Like, I don't know, six months or so.

That's cool. She cool. Good vibes.

- How do you know her again? - On the scene.

- That's cool. - Yep.

I feel like you're not telling me something.

- You feel that way? - I do.

I'm gonna tell you how it is, bro, straight up, all right,

'cause you my boy, and I got love for you.

- You fucked my girl. - Hell, no!

- Oh, my God. - I ain't fuck her, bro.

She bad and all, but that ain't my kind of ass.

That's some white girl shit.

Hey, babe, you think you could take a picture of us?

- No. - Oh, that's so rude.

So what the fuck you gotta tell me straight up?

- She got with my boy. - What boy?

If I tell you this shit,

I need your word you're not gonna say nothing.

Straight up omertà.

Omertà, yeah, Okay. This isn't The Godfather.

You got my word. Just fucking tell me.

Tiger.

She fucked Tiger Woods?

Fore! Hole-in-one, nigga.

Man! You're having a go for the Rams. This is sick!

All right, Andrew, let's be gentle with him.

He gonna be more skittish than a rescue dog.

- I should get a rescue dog. - You should get a therapy dog.

- Black swan. - What's up?

I appreciate you agreeing to come here

and being discreet about it.

And I appreciate you agreeing to come work out for me.

I'm so happy the mutual admiration society is alive and well.

Don't look nervous, man. I got this, baby.

- I know. I know. - Who's Urkel?

That's Andrew, my assistant.

- This is TTD. - Don't be disrespectful, T.

- Good to meet you, bruh. - Thank you. You, too.

He's gonna be the timer, all right?

Look, I hope you understand, you know,

it just can't look like I'm jamming you on nobody,

you understand what I mean?

- Yeah. - Well, you sure aren't.

That's what we're doing, right? We talking like white people?

Let's keep it real, man.

You can wake Rick up out of the bed in the middle of a threesome,

and he gonna snag balls one-handed like OBJ.

Pause on the balls, but I am ready to work out.

So what are we gonna do first, the routes?

Yeah, routes up first. Let's go.

Go.

There we go.

Come on, Rick.

Twelve.

Go again.

Here we go. Here we go.

Man, I told him not to eat that butter croissant this morning!

Relax, TTD. Calm down. He'll be all right.

Good, good.

Come on, Rick.

I'm feeling a little off. It must be the meds.

- Meds? - It's nothing. Just mood stuff.

Happy pills.

- Since when? - Recent.

I mean, I like them. I really do.

I just ain't used to playing with them. You feel me?

You know what? Let's go hit the 40.

- Yeah. - Yeah, let's do that.

You got this, nigga. You gonna be playing for the Rams.

- Whenever you're ready! - Just pretend

Amber caught you fucking the nanny,

and her angry ass after you with a machete.

- Give me some room, man. - All right, man. All right, all right.

Come on.

He's always been fast.

Come on! Dig! Dig! Dig! All the way!

Seems like he may have lost a step, huh?

A step or two.

Let me see that watch, Urkel.

Goddamn, man! We never gonna get out of that house.

I told him he shouldn't have took time off to retire.

Comebacks ain't easy. I know.

- Yeah. Thanks, Chuck. - All right, now.

Yo! I know you angry, but don't leave me!

Enid. Hey. Hi.

I was just passing by.

I had to tell you, you look beautiful today.

You really do, you know?

I love what you've done with your hair.

And I love what you've done with yours, Joe.

Why you so happy today, huh? Somebody steal your lighter?

I work in accounting, Joe.

Everyone who works in accounting is fucking miserable.

- Did you not get that memo? - No, I didn't.

I love accounting. Gets my blood pumping.

For real. I get a real rush when I'm crunching numbers,

moving decimal points...

- Fractions do it for me. - Fractions are okay.

- Now, what do you need, Joe? - Oh, no. Nothing. Nothing.

I was just down at the shoot with Lance, and...

Impressive. The scope of it.

It reminded me of the first time I saw Cats on Broadway.

- You ever see Cats? - I have. The original cast.

I used to have the unitard.

Oh-ho! Bet you, you turned some heads.

- I like you. - Oh.

Good. I'm glad because

I gotta ask you, how much did that video cost?

Besides too much.

I'm guessing around 300K?

I'm not allowed to discuss this budget, Joe.

Lance has sworn me to secrecy.

Enid, oh, but it's me.

It's your best friend, Joe.

But if I were to turn around to the printer,

and someone were to open that top drawer,

he might find a budget he could take a peek at.

My hero.

Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!

Enid, this looks like a fucking military contract.

Is there bid-rigging involved here? Are you taking bribes under the table?

Don't attack my integrity, Joe.

A million dollars on a fucking skateboard video?

Enid. I thought those things are suppose to be street level.

They usually are, but for some reason, this one's different.

He seems to have some kind of bug up his ass,

a giant one.

I tried to ask about it, but he went full 'roid rage on me.

Do you know what that boy told me? That I should start smoking pot.

So I did.

Wasn't expecting that.

Okay, all right. Enid,

stop cutting checks as of right now.

No one cuts a check

unless Spencer or myself approves it.

- Understood? - Understood.

Great. Great. Thanks. Good talk, Enid. Bye.

It's not the way I remember high school,

but I appreciate the vintage throwback look. Right on, brother.

That's not style.

That's a motherfucker too broke to get his hair cut.

Reg, you gonna be positive today?

'Cause if not, I'll leave your ass in the car.

That's with the windows up.

How about you try and be the "glass half-full" kind of guy today?

Yo, Spence, man, look around, man.

The only thing half full in the 'hood is a 40-ouncer.

They trying to reel us in. Man, I know he up to something.

The pride of Compton returns.

Mr. Hags. What's going on, man?

I want you to meet Spencer.

This is my financial guru and all-around great guy.

Mr. Hagerty, real pleasure to meet you.

Ain't nothing more important to me than quality education.

Well, then you in the wrong place.

Well, it's nice to see you, too, Reginald.

Believe it or not, I always knew both these boys would make it out.

What do you want, Mr. Hags?

You've never been this nice to me before. I mean, like...

Come on, guys.

Glass half-full, Reggie. Half-full.

Place hasn't changed too much, huh, Mr. Hags?

Sadly, it has, for the worse,

which is what I wanted to discuss with you.

I knew it was something.

Sorry about that.

My apologies.

What's the problem, Joe?

Hey, finally. My God. Um...

Are you alone right now?

- What difference does that make? - It's sensitive, okay?

I'm with Vernon and his principal. Hold on one second.

- Excuse me. - Is Vern in trouble?

He is not. Are you?

Let me start by saying

how much I love and appreciate our partnership.

All right, this doesn't sound good. What did you do, Joe?

I didn't do anything.

Believe it or not, I didn't do anything.

But it turns out that our guy Lance...

Your guy Lance. Your guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My guy Lance

has been spending like a coked-up sailor in a whorehouse on this video.

- How bad is it? - Over a million.

And apparently this is something new.

He's usually very budget-conscious.

So you think Mr. No Beef is trying to tell us to go fuck ourselves?

That thought has crossed my mind, yeah.

All right. Well, there's only one guy who can answer our questions.

Where is he?

Jesse said he's finishing up the shoot somewhere in the desert.

Jesus Christ, what is he, David fucking Fincher now?

All right. I'll see you soon.

Oh.

Hey, SJ.

Where have you been all day?

Uh, running errands.

What kind of errands? Besides, ain't that your job, TTD?

Job?

Not when somebody's special birthday is coming up.

Oh, so you were shopping for my birthday.

That's three months away. So where'd you go, Equinox?

- Equinox? - Why would I go to Equinox

for your birthday gift, baby?

You don't need a gym membership. Look at you. You're perfect.

You been sweating your ass off, Ricky. Don't lie to me. I can tell.

- She's got good senses. - The sweat thing is my fault.

I had him stop for a hike

because, as you know, I'm trying to lose weight, Amber.

Yeah, well, it ain't working, TTD.

And if you went on a hike, how come you ain't sweating?

- I have glandular issues? - That's a lie.

Who are you, Robert Mueller?

- Tell me the truth, TTD. - Don't answer that.

Uh-uh. You better answer me if you want to stay in this house.

Baby, don't threaten my friend.

Technically, I'm both your friends.

I'd like to keep it that way.

Go ahead and tell her, snitch.

Ricky worked out for the Rams.

You went and tried out for Charles?

Yeah, but I was ashamed. That's why I didn't say nothing, baby.

Oh, you did more than not tell me. You just straight-up lied.

Babe, listen...

You never gonna win that. Pussy's undefeated.

It's undefeated.

Look at the windmills. Look at the windmills.

Again, again, again with the windmills. Come on.

You're stressed.

- Oh, you think so? - Yes.

Look, once we get Sports X up and running,

I want you to go away and recharge.

I want you to think about a vacation in a beautiful locale, how about that?

Well, okay, we're headed to one.

Okay, well, after we're done meeting with Lance,

I'm gonna leave you so you get your R&R.

Oh, okay, all right.

Well, you're not exactly the beacon of mental health either, my friend.

- What's that supposed to mean? - Maybe I should drop you off

at the Betty Ford Clinic in Rancho Mirage, huh?

- Okay. - Yeah.

It's the original franchise. Only the best for you.

Okay, well, it's a waste of time for me, okay? I'm not...

Plus, I don't have substance abuse issues.

Really? Huh? Wow.

No sex addiction?

That's not a valid addiction.

That's opportunity and appetite.

- Alcohol? Pain meds? - No, no, no.

I enjoy them. I don't need them. There's a big difference.

All right. Delusional. Check. What about depression?

No, I'm not depressed. No.

I am a little tortured, but not depressed.

Okay. Finally, an admission, some self-awareness.

That, my friend, that is the first step on the road to recovery.

So does that mean you're ready to talk now,

or are you just gonna keep avoiding it?

There's a lot of shit in my head, Joe.

Oh, well, that is not a healthy way to exist.

Take it from me. I know.

All right, well, suicide doesn't only kill the person who commits it.

It also kills the ones they left behind.

Okay.

So your brother's death is weighing on you. Right?

You just need to do a better job of compartmentalizing.

You know? You should do what I did after my wife died.

- Celebrate? - No, no.

No, no, no. Right after that.

What I did was, I took

a small, very, very, very beautiful mental picture of her,

and I locked it away in the deep, deep recesses of my brain.

That sounds so fucked up.

- Yeah, it sounds so fucked up. - That's why you have issues.

It sounded okay when I was just thinking it,

but when I said it out loud, it didn't sound as good.

How about this? Why don't we just go take care of business,

and then, after that, we'll go take care of us.

Me and you, two for one, Betty Ford.

Oh, my God. Couples Betty Ford?

- Yes. - Let's do it.

Excuse me.

Should we get you some water, Mr. Hagerty?

No, no, it's okay. Just the asbestos. That's all.

Asbestos, my ass.

It's from all the Kools he used to smoke.

Besides, if the asbestos doesn't get me and these kids,

the lead poisoning will.

You being serious, Mr. Hagerty?

Unfortunately, I am.

Lead builds character. I mean, look at us.

Hey, Reg, there's our old homeroom. Let's take a look.

Yeah. Straight to the back like the old days.

Yeah, just like you boys left it. Nothing's changed.

Only much, much worse.

Damn budget committee! Are you all right, Vernon?

Yeah, just give me a hand up.

Good, 'cause we don't have proper liability coverage.

Okay, Mr. Hags, you win.

It's fine, man. We'll do the right thing and make a donation.

I'm thinking, like 5K?

Great day. Thanks for bringing me, babe.

That was sweet of you.

- Yeah. Kisan, he's hilarious, right? - He's stupid funny.

A lot of fun. He's crazy, too.

His whole crew is.

They always are.

Always, yeah.

You know a lot of his boys?

- A few. - How many is a few?

What do you mean? Is this some type of trick fucking question?

No, you said "always crazy," not "crazy."

You know, like you have some history.

No, you said his crew is crazy, idiot.

I just agreed. What are you trying to get at?

Nothing.

I'm just gonna sit out here and watch the Golf Channel,

check the leader board.

See how Tiger's doing.

If you think I'm gonna let you come at me

with all this passive-aggressive bitch-like shit

and get way with it, you got the wrong girl.

Fine. You know, he told me that you had a thing with Tiger.

- Oh, who told you? Cheating Kisan? - What... When he...

Don't start stuttering and muttering now.

Yeah, Kisan, he told me. But he said not to say anything, so...

- Well, we know how that worked out. - I couldn't help myself.

What's that fool doing, talking about my business

when he's rolling around with some skank

- behind Tiffany's back anyway? - Was it true?

You're asking me if I hooked up with Tiger?

- Yeah, I am. - Duh.

I was waitressing at Waffle House.

"Duh"?

That's how you answer whether or not you fucked somebody? "Duh"?

- What is that? - I'm gonna go home.

Donna, wait. Come on. I love you. That's what I'm trying to say.

I'm sorry.

You're really telling me you love me for the first time

after we just talked about me fucking Tiger Woods.

- I am. - You're a sick fuck, you know that?

And I love you too.

Listen, we don't have to tell Kisan, though. Right?

Like I'm gonna say anything to Kisan.

Come on. You know I'm cooler than that.

Hi.

Spencer Strasmore and Joe Krutel.

Sorry. Whose list? 'Cause you're not on Lance's.

Not on Lance's list? Can I see this?

What the fuck, dude?

I stand before you all

to introduce a young man who sat in the very same seats as you...

Kind of. You broke the damn thing.

...walked the same halls, studied the same classes,

and, of course, played on the same field.

With the help and guidance of his friend,

General Carver's astute Reggie Morris.

Astute? Man's smooth, I'll give him that.

You are, Reg.

Maybe I could stand to be a bit more philanthropic.

After all, I mean, five grand ain't shit.

I think that we can up it a tiny bit.

You sure?

It is with great pleasure

that we retire the number 90

and rename our field

"The Littelfield!"

I don't want to stop the music,

but I'm a man of action, not words,

so I just want to thank y'all from the bottom of my heart

and say,

I'm donating $1,000,000 to the school, y'all!

What the fuck are you doing, man? Are you fucking high?

Hey, band, how about y'all play me something I know?

Please. Come on, y'all.

A million?

If you want, you know, I can talk to him.

- I sort of speak his language. - Yeah? What's that, douche?

I don't even know why I speak sometimes.

Hey, bro. Where's Lance?

No clue, dude, but take a chill pill, would you?

No, I'm not gonna take any pills, all right?

Neither should you. You shouldn't do any of that shit.

All right? Drugs are bad. Just say no.

"Drugs are bad." Never chill. Never chill. Never chill.

Hey, listen, I know you're upset,

but there's no need to ruin everybody else's night, you know?

And not all drugs are bad.

- I mean, ask Steve Jobs. - He's dead.

Not from taking LSD.

As a matter of fact, he's on record as saying

it helped with his creativity.

Joe, come on, man. Cut the shit, all right?

Our ass is on the line. Your ass is on the line,

with this fucking company you purchased.

Look, I know. I'm aware of that.

I just like to deflect in moments of crisis.

Whoa! Fellows!

I'm so happy you could make it.

Yeah, wow, well, your warm welcome is a little surprising,

considering we weren't even on the list.

That's an oversight, I can assure you.

- Administrative error. - Ah.

- Great party. - Yeah.

Yeah, if you can't share it

with the ones that helped you make it, who can you share it with?

Who's paying for all the gratitude that you're spreading around here?

- Again with the money. - Yeah, again with the money.

Again with the money. It's our money, and we want to know where it's going.

A million bucks for a skate video seems a little fucking excessive.

And liberating, you know?

And I can't wait to get back out there to it again, too.

You're gonna love it when it's finished, mate.

You missed his point totally, Lance.

This whole thing feels a little bit

like a big "fuck you" to us.

- Oh, no. Come on. No. - Yeah, it does.

- I can't believe that. Listen. Lance! - Yeah. I'm pretty sure it does.

- Tell him. - It's all a matter of perception.

You know? I've been working on this video for months,

and when I get a chance to spend more of your money,

I'll gleefully take it.

Hence, the added scope.

Yeah, yeah. Hence the added scope after-party.

Exactly! We're finally on the same page.

Feels a little bit like insubordination.

- Wouldn't you say? - Yeah, Lance,

you gotta get yourself in check, man.

You come to my house,

and you let him embarrass me like this.

Gentlemen, you need to keep yourselves in check.

I'll remind you, I'm not an employee.

I built this company. I work for me.

I answer to me.

We get that. We understand.

But this thing has to run more efficiently, you know?

Like a big family.

Like a giant dysfunctional fucking family.

Yeah, we pumped a lot of our own money into this company, Lance.

- Into you! - Well, then I guess you're fucked

because you bought the company, but you didn't buy me.

I'm drawing a line in the sand, mate, yeah?

'Cause let me tell you. I ain't changing.

I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want,

with whoever I want, whenever I want. Do you feel me?

I feel you.

- Do you feel me? - Yeah. Ow. I do feel you, yeah.

Okay, good. I want you to feel this too.

You're fired, mate.

Ah, fuck.