All language subtitles for Columbo.3x08.A.Friend.in.Deed

What are you waiting for?
Get an ambulance.

Please leave the room, darling.
You know I like to bathe in private.

Mark, I didn't mean to kill her.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Take it easy!
What are you trying to do, break my head?

Say it.

Yes, darling, completely.

You're wasting your time and my time
and the department's time.

I left Margaret at home.

Yes?

Margaret?

Is that you, Hugh?

Is, uh, is Mark there?
It's important.

Sorry, Hugh.
It's Tuesday. Club night.

I can always tell.
Comes right after Monday.

Monday, Mark works late.

Oh, right.

Um, well, I'll... I'll get him
at the club.

Mr. Caldwell, good to see you, sir.

Oh, yes, Charles.
Thank you. I, uh,

I'm looking for Mr. Halperin.

Over there, sir.
The usual Tuesday night game, you know?

Mr. Lawrence is having
quite a run with the dice.

Simply amazing. I've never...

Hugh, how are you?
It's been forever.

Play it for $3,200, Mark,

unless you want to resign at $1,600.

Hi, Hugh.

Hi, Mark.

Byron, I think your dice
are about to turn cold.

The Army may have taught you bravery, Mark,
but I'm not so sure about your judgment.

You still need doubles to win.

You see, Byron, sometimes a little boldness
is exactly what's called for.

Uh, Mark, excuse me.

Could I talk to you for a second?

What's the matter?

I just... I'd just like to
see you for a second.

All right. Be back in a minute.

Don't go away, huh.
What's the matter?

Nothing. I just want to talk
to you for a minute.

- Something wrong?
- No.

- Danny, bring us a double Scotch, will you?
- Yes, sir, Mr. Halperin. Right away.

- Are you sure she's dead?
- Yeah.

It just happened.

We were... we were fighting.

We were screaming at each other.

I was sure she was gonna
see somebody tonight.

She came at me, and I must have
grabbed her by the throat.

All right. Take it easy.
Take it easy.

I didn't know what I was doing.

I just saw her face looking up at me...

and then when I realized what I was doing,
I let her go.

- And she just fell.
- Calm down. Calm down.

Mark, you gotta tell me what to do.

All right.

Now, was there anyone else in the house
when this happened? Was the maid there?

No, she, uh,
she left about 8:15, when I got home.

Right. Right.

Did you call anyone?

Just your place.
Margaret told me you were here.

- But you didn't say anything to her?
- No.

Or maybe I should call Fred.
He doesn't handle criminal cases.

- But he must know somebody...
- No. No.

Or maybe I should go to the police.

Mark, I didn't mean to kill her.

Hugh, you can't afford to do that.

Everyone knows the problems
you and Janice were having.

Now, listen to me.

It's almost 10:00.

I want you to go in the other bar,
there are more people in there.

At exactly 10:30,
I want you to call your house.

I'll answer the phone.

You pretend it's Janice.

Make sure the bartender and anyone else
in the bar overhears your conversation.

- Why?
- You want me to help you, don't you?

All right. Do as I say.

All right, Mark. Fine.

Janice, is that you?

Are you in a bar?

Yes, yes, that's right.
Is everything all right?

Everything's just fine.

Now listen to me.

She's gone to bed early,

she's not going to wait up
for you. Do you understand?

Yes, yes, darling. Of course,
you must be exhausted.

Get a good night's sleep,
and I'll see you in the morning.

All right.

Say it.

All right, you get a good night's sleep,
and I'll see you in the morning, huh?

All right. Fine, Hugh. You're doing just fine.
Now listen to me.

You stay right there
in the bar and don't move...

until the police contact you.
Do you understand?

Yes. Yes, dear. Yes. Perfectly.

Yes, good night, darling.

Ah, she's been out all day shopping.
She's exhausted.

Yes, sir.

She's gettin' ready for bed now.
I guess it won't hurt to have another one.

Mark, is that you?

It's me.

Hi.

Ah.

You're home early tonight, Mark.

I was a little tired.

What's this?

Another one of your bleeding-heart friends
get into print?

Did you win tonight, Mark,
or is that a silly question?

Oddly enough, I did.

- Wonderful.
- Yeah.

That means I won't have to
write you a check this week.

That will be refreshing.

Won't it be? For both of us.

Did I tell you I'm speaking
at the Holcombe House tomorrow evening?

- They've named me "Woman of the Year."
- Really?

- How much is that going to cost you?
- Oh, don't be crude.

My, my, "Woman of the Year,"
that's quite an honor.

Playing queen bee to a motley assortment
of junkies, pushers, and losers.

You know, I don't know how much money
you've pumped into your assorted charities,

Margaret, but it's a lot more than
any $10 trophy they're going to hand you.

Not tonight, please.

Darling, if you're embarrassed
by all your millions,

why don't you just
sign them over to me?

They wouldn't embarrass me in the least.

Money is a weapon, Mark,

a tool to be used for good,
if it's used properly.

Hmm. Properly? I see.

That means handing it out like
Halloween candy to a bunch of grifters...

who've never done
a day's work in their lives?

- 'Cause nobody has ever given them a chance.
- Come on, Margaret.

Do you know what it's like to be an ex-convict
trying to find honest work?

Margaret, please.

Please don't lecture me on ex-cons.

I wrote that book.

- Margaret.
- What is it?

A man. I just saw a man
running from the Caldwell house.

What?

Yeah.

All the lights are on over there.

I don't like the looks of that.

I don't see anyone.

Uh, do you think the man
could have been Hugh?

No, no, I left Hugh at the club.

There's no answer.

I think something's wrong.

Police headquarters. Sgt. De Maio.

Sergeant, this is
Deputy Commissioner Halperin.

Yes, sir. Yes, Commissioner.

Uh, I just saw a man,

a strange man, running from a house
on, uh... on Fairfax Drive.

I want you to dispatch a unit
over there immediately. Will you?

Uh, the number is 1278 Fairfax Drive.

Right.

I dropped my cigar.

- Is that it there, Lieutenant?
- Where?

Under there.

Wait a minute.

I don't want to burn up
the Commissioner's car.

Oh. I got it.
I grabbed the wrong end.

Come here, you little rascal.
Okay.

That looks okay.

Officer, do me a favor, huh?
Look under there and make sure nothing's burning.

All right, Lieutenant.

- Uh, everything's okay, Lieutenant.
- You sure?

- Positive.
- Look again.

Right, Lieutenant.

What's missing?

Just her jewelry.

He never went near the paintings
nor the silverware.

There's a vase out there worth
a couple of thousand dollars.

He never touched that.

It's the same guy, all right.

All right, I want you to pick up
every known burglar in the morning.

If you talked to them before,
talk to them again.

- If you need any extra men, let me know.
- Yes, sir.

Columbo, it's about time you showed up.

Yes sir. I'm sorry. It was my car.
The battery went dead.

Commissioner, your car is here now.

Tried to get my wife's car.
She was at my sister-in-law's,

so I called there...
It's a boring story.

Thank you very much for sending your car.
I appreciate it.

It's quite all right.
Duffy will fill you in on what's happened.

It's the same man who's been hitting
this area in the past few weeks.

The M.O. 's identical.

I see. Well, maybe
I better look around.

Good looking broad
except for the marks around her neck.

Certainly is.

What do you figure happened?

Looks like she was getting
ready to hit the sack.

Probably heard the guy down here,
came down to see what was goin' on.

Could've just called us,
but she's gotta make like a hero, right?

How long has she been dead?

Not too long.

She talked to her husband on the phone
about an hour ago. Yeah, an hour ago.

Okay. It's all yours. Thank you.

Find anything yet?

Just a few smudges on this jewelry box.
But everything else looks pretty clean.

Sergeant, did you
dust these handles yet?

Not yet, Lieutenant.

Well, let me know
if you find anything.

I think you're wasting
your time, Lieutenant.

This is the fourth time I've been
in this neighborhood in two weeks.

Now this guy's good. Wears gloves.
Never leaves me a print.

- Well, let me know if you find anything.
- Right away, sir.

We will provide protection
for all our citizens,

not just those in the inner city
or in the so-called problem areas.

Now, the brutal murder,
last night, of Janice Caldwell...

is a scathing indictment...

of the police department's
failure, of our failure, to cope with...

crime on the most fundamental levels.

The taxpayers of this great city are entitled
to the safety of their own homes...

and I mean to guarantee that safety.

What's the matter, Artie?
Don't you believe in law and order?

That guy gives me a pain.

I'll turn it off.

I thought we were going shopping.

I told you I have to
wait for somebody here.

Yeah? Well, he'd better hurry up...

because you're not spending
any afternoon in this place.

I hate this place.
And you know I hate this place.

But I like it.

Did you get the tickets yet?

What tickets?

"What tickets?" I told you,
we're going to the roller derby tonight.

Hey, are you crazy?
I'm not going to any roller derby.

A month... You've been out a whole month
and you haven't taken me anyplace.

You think you can hang around this place
again with your old pals from prison.

What's left of them.

Guess again, Artie.

Hey!

This is my place of business.
You don't have to come in here!

So, don't come in here!

We're goin' out.

That's what you think!

Where have you been? I've been waiting
for you for over an hour now.

I got hung up.

I got the stuff at my joint
from the other night.

Are you kiddin'?

I wouldn't touch any of it.
Not after what happened last night.

Killin' that woman?
Are you crazy? That wasn't me.

Come on, you've been hittin'
that neighborhood pretty good.

The other joints, sure.

But the one last night,
that wasn't me.

Okay, have it your way.

But I can't handle your goods.

Not with the kind of heat
I'll be getting.

I should've known better
than to deal with a punk like you.

Johnny Romano, Carlos Vera,
they were men.

Yeah, but they're dead.

Times change.

It's tougher on the outside now.

You know, you spent so much
time up in that prison,

you don't know how it is any more.

You all through? Come on,
let's get those tickets.

I wanna sit real close.

Come on, let's go.
Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Come on. You can walk faster.

- Come on.
- Will you shut up?

Commissioner, specifically
what steps are you taking...

to offset this rash of crime
in the Bel Air area?

Well, I've ordered a double shift
on all squad cars,

sunset-to-sunrise helicopter patrol.

As a matter of fact, I plan
to be in that chopper myself tonight...

to get a firsthand look at this operation.

We're going to get this man,
and we're gonna get him soon.

Whoever he is, wherever he is,

he's not going to be able
to escape detection indefinitely.

Now, last night
he made his first mistake.

My wife and I were in our bedroom
when he ran from the Caldwell house.

Well, he's gonna make other mistakes.

When he does, we'll get him,

and we'll hit him with a first-degree-murder
charge that will stick.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, If you'll excuse me...

Does that mean your wife can identify this man
as well as yourself?

Sir, sir, can your wife
identify this man?

Ma'am.

You startled me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What happened?

I tore my...

On the cactus, I...

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It was very clumsy of me.

No, no, it was my fault, ma'am.
I frightened you.

I'm sorry about that.

I... I know you, don't I?

Yes, ma'am, you do.
I... I was afraid you'd remember.

It was at the chief inspector's dinner
last year at the hotel.

I was a little drunk. Lt. Columbo.

Oh, isn't it perfectly awful?

Janice Caldwell had so much to give.
I'm sure she'd have found her way.

Yes, ma'am.
That's what I wanted to ask you about.

You being close friends and all.

Several people have told me
that she and her husband were, um...

Well, that is, that she...
Well, they were having problems.

Was she seeing other men?
Is that what you wanted to know?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Surely that can't
make any difference now.

Probably not, but I'd appreciate it
if you could give me a few names.

I'm sorry. I never pried into
Janice's personal affairs.

Once, last year,
I, I did try talking to her.

She became very defensive,
almost violent.

Then she was seeing other men?

Yes.

Young men, I believe.
Men I didn't know.

Thank you, ma'am.
You've been very helpful.

Uh, Mrs. Halperin, one other thing.

Last night, the burglar...

Your husband gave us a description.

He saw him running
from the Caldwell house.

Yes, from our bedroom window.

Now, I understand
you were also in the bedroom.

So, I would like to check
your description with his.

Oh, I... I didn't see him.

By the time I got
to the terrace, he had gone.

You weren't at the window?

- No.
- Where were you?

Well, I was in bed,
and then I went to the window.

Oh.

Thank you, ma'am.

Uh, one other thing, Mrs. Halperin.

The Caldwell house?
It's on the next block, is it?

Yes. Right across the street.
Number 1278.

Yeah, I know the address.
I was there this morning.

I was just trying
to visualize the proximity.

Thank you.

Excuse me, sir.
A police officer to see you.

The same one who was here this morning
when you were out.

Yes. Uh, would you ask him
to come in, please?

Excuse me, sir. I hate to trouble you
at this time. Lt. Columbo.

Yes, Lieutenant.

My maid said you were here earlier.
I'm sorry, I had to make arrangements...

I hate to bother you like this.

Like a cup of coffee, Lieutenant?

No.

I'm afraid I've been drinking
too much coffee today,

but I didn't sleep
very well last night.

Thank you very much.

Is there, uh...

- Something wrong, Lieutenant?
- Wrong? No, sir. Not at all.

Couple of things I want to clear up
just to satisfy myself.

Satisfy yourself, how?

The way your wife died, Mr. Caldwell.

Couple of small things.
Probably don't mean anything.

I spoke to your maid, Mrs. um...

Fernandez.

She's a nice lady.

I guess she worked
very long hours yesterday.

It must have been a big cleaning day.

Well, I really wouldn't know.

Apparently, your wife
was out shopping all day.

Mrs. Fernandez left here at, uh...

Oh, it was after 8:00, Lieutenant.

And my wife and I arrived home
about the same time.

Your wife was downstairs?

Right. In the living room, having a drink.

Mrs. Fernandez says
she was wearing a red dress.

Yes, I believe it was.

I see.

And then you went out? 9:00.

Yes.

Was your wife still
wearing the red dress?

Yes, Lieutenant.

Look, we had
a couple of drinks. I left.

Now, she didn't get ready for bed
until I called her around 10:30.

At the club?

They found you at the bar
when the police finally located you.

That's right, Lieutenant.

Look, Janice apparently
went upstairs to change.

She put on her nightgown, heard a noise,
came down, and surprised this burglar.

I mean, I should think the facts
would speak for themselves.

It's very strange.

See, there's one thing...

that's very strange.

And what's that, Lieutenant?

Mrs. Fernandez
dusted the whole house.

Wax, polish, everything.
Including the bedroom.

Now, the fingerprint people,
they checked the handle on the closet door.

Your wife's prints weren't on it.

What I can't figure out
is how did she open the door...

and take out the nightgown
without leaving any prints?

That's very simple, Lieutenant.

You see, my wife was in the
habit of folding her nightgown...

every morning when she got up
and putting it under her pillow.

Don't you see? She had
no reason to go to the closet.

Yes. Yes. I see. Yes.

That would explain it.
Yes, it certainly would.

Well, thank you.

No, not at all, Lieutenant.

Excuse me, sir? Sir?

Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am!

You got some jumpers for a battery?

No.

Listen, there's a gas station up ahead.
Would you drive me over there?

Thank you.

Columbo?

Excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean to barge in.

I looked for your secretary.

I guess she's powdering
her nose or something.

May I, uh...

Sir.

I would've been here earlier,
but my car broke down again.

I had some more trouble.
They're telling me it's the generator...

If you don't mind, Lieutenant,
I'm in something of a hurry.

I'm making real progress.
So, I thought...

Finish your report?

No, I haven't.

Well, finish the report
and I'll read it.

Right now, I've gotta get home
and get something to eat.

I'm on that chopper patrol tonight.

I understand, sir.

Just take a minute.
I know you're in a hurry.

Before I actually fill out the report,
if I could...

just double-check that
description that you had...

It was hardly a description.
I barely got a glimpse of him.

Right.

You did say, uh,

dark sweater.

That's right.

Dark pants. And some kind of cap.

And a dark cap.

Dark cap.

Dark...

That's it, then. Just dark?

It was night, Lieutenant.
And I was a long way away.

Uh, that's too bad.

That's what your wife said.

You spoke to my wife, did you?

I thought you left.

What was that you said?

I say, you spoke to my wife.

Yes, there's nothing wrong?

No. Certainly not.

No, you know, you see,
it was just that...

on the basis of the news conference
this morning,

I thought that she also saw the burglar.

That's ridiculous. He was gone
by the time she got to the terrace.

Yes, sir. That's what she said.

But you certainly gave that impression,
so I thought...

Look, Lieutenant, if you don't mind,

I've got to go now,
my limousine is waiting.

There are a couple of other things...

Give my secretary a call in the morning,
I'll try to find some time for you.

Oh, Mark, you frightened me.

What are you doing home so early?

Oh, I thought I'd get an early supper.

Please leave the room, darling.
You know I like to bathe in private.

Come on, Margaret. Don't be so coy.

You know, you wear those
bubbles like a suit of armor.

Come on, Mark.
I'll only be a minute.

Have I told you recently, darling,

that our marriage has been
a constant joy to me?

Huh? Have I?

No, you haven't.

Well, it has.

I think the first thing that appealed to me
about you, Margaret, was your...

your generosity, that sweet
open-handed quality of yours.

Although sometimes your...
your judgment's not so good.

- You know that, don't you?
- What are you saying?

Well, $4.5 million...

and you're willing to hand it out to anybody
who has a sad story and a rumpled suit.

It's my money, Mark. My inheritance.

Wrong, darling.

My inheritance.

Thanks for coming.

Where's Margaret?

She's at home.

A closed casket, huh?

Couldn't bear to look her
in the face.

Mark, I don't know
how to thank you.

If it hadn't been
for you last night...

You'd be facing a murder charge.

If there's anything
I can ever do for you...

There is, my friend.

Tonight.

If you gentlemen want to finish
paying your respects to the loved one,

we will be closing up until 8:30.

I left Margaret at home.

She's lying on the tile floor
near the front door.

She's dead.

Good Lord, Mark.

Quiet.

How?

She drowned in the bathtub.

Only, the police are
never gonna know that.

They're gonna think the notorious
Bel Air Burglar killed her.

And you must see to that.

What are you talking about?
I can't get involved.

You are involved, my friend.

This is the quid pro quo.

You killed your wife
and I protected you.

Now you protect me or I'll see to it
that you go to jail...

for the rest of your life.
Is that clear?

Yes, perfectly.

All right.

Now, I left some clothes
in a pile by the front door.

Here's what I want you to do.

This is Chopper One.
This is Chopper One.

Baker Seven, do you read me?
Over.

This is Baker Seven.

We see you, Chopper One.

Okay, we're heading east.

10-4.

A little early in the evening
for this burglar, isn't it, Commissioner?

You never know, Pete.

Clocks don't mean a thing
in an empty house, you know.

Yeah, except last night
the house wasn't empty.

That's funny.

What is it?

That's my house down there.

And I saw someone
lurking near my wife's car.

He' s disappeared.
Circle around here, Pete, will you?

Yes, sir.

My God, Margaret. Hover over the pool.
I'm gonna try to get out.

Yes, sir.

Help me! Quick!
Please, for God's sake!

What are you waiting for?
Get an ambulance for God's sake.

Margaret. Margaret.

My God, Margaret.

She's gone, sir.

What do you mean?
You're crazy.

She's gonna be all right.
Get an ambulance!

Margaret.

Lieutenant, I just heard.

Terrible.

The Commissioner, how's he holding up?

They got him in the kitchen.
They're putting some dry clothes on him now.

It's not too bad, I tell you.

The burglar, huh?

Yeah. It's funny, though.
Very funny.

What?

There's no sign that he forced
his way into the house.

As near as we can figure it,

he was laying for her,
out in the back by the car.

Lieutenant!

Excuse me, Columbo.

Just keep circling around.
He's got to be around here somewhere.

Yeah, well, keep looking.
That's right.

What happened, Doc?

See for yourself, Columbo.
She drowned.

In a pool?

Guy tossed her in a pool?

That's it.

Wonder why she didn't swim?

Probably couldn't swim.

Well, maybe she passed out, Lieutenant.
What are we gonna do?

He didn't hit her first?
No marks? No struggle?

There might've been a struggle.
She gotta tear on her sleeve.

Hey, Doyle?

Yeah. Yeah.

No, that happened this afternoon.

She tore it on a cactus bush.
I was there when it happened.

I've come to see Ms. Halperin.

What about?

Well, she was supposed to come
to our meeting tonight...

and get an award, that's all.

The way things look around here,
I'd like to get out of here.

What did you say? A meeting?
She was supposed to get an award?

Yeah, Holcombe House.
Gonna have dinner at 8:00.

And she was gonna make a little speech
and pick up her trophy.

I called her house when she didn't show.
Line was always busy, so I came over.

She was supposed to have
dinner with you at 8:00 and make a speech?

That's where she was going
when the guy jumped her.

Where were you at 7:30?

I was at the place, settin' up.

Relax, huh.
You're making me nervous.

You can prove it, right?

Prove it? Yeah. I can prove it.

I'll bet you can.

All right, Doyle.
Take this gentleman's name and let him go.

Don't talk to me
about manpower allocations!

Now, this man killed my wife
and I want him!

Now, you get three units over here
and get them over fast.

You're gonna answer to me in the morning.

Excuse me, Commissioner,
I just want to tell you how badly I feel.

- And if there's anything that I can do...
- No, no, thank you.

- Mark, I want you to take those pills...
- What?

I want you to take
the pills that I gave you...

All right, I'll take the pills.

I'm shocked.

Terribly shocking.

The man is obviously insane.

I mean, to come back here
and do this...

Particularly after
the news broadcast...

when you told them
about the increased patrols...

Don't you see?
It was the news broadcast that killed her.

It was my fault.

I don't follow, sir.

You mentioned it this afternoon,

that stupid slip of the tongue
that I made when I said...

that Margaret and I were in our bedroom
when the man ran from the Caldwell house.

He must have thought
she could identify him.

That's the reason he came back.
Not to steal anything but to silence her.

Yes, that is a possibility.

The tragedy is, she never saw him.

She couldn't identify him.

You mustn't blame yourself, sir.

He threw her in the pool.

She drowned before I could reach her.

He threw her in the pool?

Are you sure of that, sir?

Of course, I'm sure of it.
I was a witness.

Pete Hayley and I were in the helicopter
and we saw the whole thing.

Then you had the light on?

I... I thought I saw something.

It was kind of a gut feeling,
I suppose.

I told him to go back
and to hover over the patio area.

I switched on the lights,
and there he was.

The same man
holding Margaret in his arms.

Are you sure
it was the same man?

Well, assumedly...

Yes, he was wearing the same clothes.

I see.

You must have a lot of those.

What?

Gut feelings.

What are you talking about?

Well, you had a gut feeling
last night.

I don't know what you're talking about.
What do you mean?

When you asked for me to report
to the Caldwell house.

Yes.

I found out you asked for me
when you first called in.

I did.

What I mean, sir, is that...

the burglar had never harmed
anybody before,

yet from your bedroom window
when you called in, you asked for me.

I was just trying to figure out how you knew
that the woman was already dead.

I didn't.
Didn't know, obviously.

Well, I... I did have
some kind of a feeling.

I sensed something was wrong.

Well, the lights were on,
for one thing.

The man running from the house,
the fact that Janice was there alone, I...

You're a policeman,
I don't have to explain these things.

Yes, I know exactly what you feel.

I've had that feeling many times.
You know something is wrong,

you just can't get a handle on it.

All right, sir.
I'm going to look around the house...

if it's all right with you.
Maybe the man got careless.

Columbo.

Yeah, go ahead.

What's the matter, Columbo?
You think he's hiding in the tub there?

Just checkin'.

Yeah? What did you find?

Clean and dry.

Clean and dry.

Let me ask you somethin'.

How do you figure this guy?

I mean, to me,

a burglar is like
a hungry alley cat.

He sneaks around after dark,
but if he hears somethin', he runs.

Haven't you ever heard of future shock?
The world's going to hell with itself.

Believe me, Columbo.
Times have changed.

Yeah.

Maybe.

But still.

But still,
you know what bothers me...

about the murder last night?

You mean the Caldwell woman?

Yeah.

I, uh, I looked at her body.

Right away I saw on her finger...

the biggest diamond ring
I ever saw in my life.

Now, I gotta ask
myself this question.

What kind of a burglar robs a house...

and leaves a ring like that
on the victim's finger?

So that's what's been buggin' you?

You're something else.

Don't you think we thought of that?
It's a phony.

The ring was phony?

Solid glass. A piece of garbage.

A pro would have
spotted it a mile away,

and this guy's a pro.

Excuse me, one moment.

Yeah, I guess that explains it.

See, here I am,

I've been batting my brains out
trying to figure out about that ring...

and you guys had it all the time.

Glass.

How do you like that?

Listen, Doc, do me a favor.
Would you?

When you perform the autopsy,
would you check something for me?

This woman apparently drowned
in the swimming pool,

so when you check her lungs,

see if there's any evidence
of chlorine.

There won't be.

Chorine dissipates almost immediately
in the human body.

Anyway, the fluids would be masked
by the effects of pulmonary edema.

So, uh, does that mean that you couldn't
tell if this woman drowned, say,

in a bathtub...

Sure, if the bathtub
were full of gin.

Well, check it anyway, would you?

It's part of the job.

Yes?

Lt. Columbo, sir.

All right, send him in.

I hope I'm not disturbing you, sir.

No, it's all right.
Come in.

This is none of my business.
Stop me if I'm out of line,

but nobody expected you to be
at your desk today.

I want to be here, Lieutenant.

I want to keep working,
keep my mind off...

All right, let's see.

Uh, here's, ahem,

here's Lieutenant Duffy's report.

There's no question,
it's the Bel Air Burglar, all right.

It's too bad he got away
last night without a trace.

Oh, and speaking of reports...

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
I'm making terrific progress, but,

you see, I don't think
we should be looking for a burglar.

What?

No, sir.

I think we should be looking for someone
who made it seem like a burglary.

What are you talking about, Columbo?
Here, read Duffy's report.

It shows very clearly
it's the same man we've been looking for.

I'm sure this is
a very good report, sir,

but there are a couple
of things that don't add up.

Like what?

Oh, for one thing, the fingerprints.

Come on, come on, Columbo,
there were no fingerprints.

That's what I mean, sir.

You see, Mr. Caldwell
left the house around 9:00.

He called his wife at 10:30
from the bar at the club.

This is what bothers me, sir.

If Mrs. Caldwell spoke
to her husband on the phone,

why didn't she leave
any fingerprints on the phone?

Now that's strange, isn't it?

The maid spent the whole day cleaning,
she dusted everything.

Including the phones.

The phone in the upstairs bedroom,
that's absolutely clean.

The one downstairs has
Mr. Caldwell's prints on it,

but it doesn't have
Mrs. Caldwell's prints.

All right, what are you implying?

That Caldwell never actually
talked to his wife?

Did it ever occur to you that maybe
the burglar used the phone after she did...

and then wiped it clean?

Occur to me that the burglar
used the phone after and wiped it clean?

Yeah.

No, sir.

Why not?

Well, because the burglar
had to wear gloves.

You see, sir, there were no prints of
his anywhere in the house.

Now there's another thing
that's very strange.

Is this bothering you?

No.

Um...

Excuse me.

There's something else.

The way this woman's body
was dressed in that nightgown.

She didn't do that.

Somebody else dressed her
in that nightgown.

Is that a fact, Lieutenant?

Or just some more
of your fancy guesswork?

Well, you see, sir,
she was wearing a pale blue nightgown...

which she got from her closet.

And you know something?

There were no prints on the handle
of the closet door either.

I don't see what you're getting at.
Unless you're trying to tell me...

that Caldwell killed his wife
and then faked the whole thing?

Oh, no, sir. No. I don't mean
that at all. No, no.

No. You see,
Mrs. Caldwell, she had a habit...

whereby she would put her nightgown
under the pillow every morning.

I saw a pink nightgown
under the pillow.

So, of course, we know that Mrs. Caldwell
would not have put on the blue nightgown.

Now, here's what's interesting.

Mr. Caldwell,

he knew about the nightgown
under the pillow.

So if he had dressed his wife's body,

that would be the first place
that he would have looked.

No, sir,

we're looking for somebody else.

We're looking for somebody...

somebody who tried to make
a murder look like a burglary.

Like who, for instance?

Well, sir,

I don't like to speak badly of the dead,

but,

yesterday, your wife confirmed to me
that Mrs. Caldwell was seeing other men.

And you think it was one of them?

Yes, sir.
I think that's a possibility.

All right, now listen to me, Lieutenant,
you're wasting your time and my time...

and the department's time
and it's gonna stop. Now...

Look, Columbo,

you must understand that no one,

no one wants this man caught
any more than I do.

Especially now.

But we are looking for a burglar,

a man who killed one woman out of fear,
who killed another to silence her.

You go on that basis...

and we're going to solve
this case. Is that clear?

You don't think that I have anything here?

Lieutenant, nobody can
be right all the time.

Look for your burglar.
There's the killer.

Excuse me, uh,

Mr. Wexler?

He's inside with a customer
for the moment.

Oh, thank you.

We can smoke here?

Yes.

May I help you, sir?

No, thank you very much.
No, I am waiting for Mr. Wexler.

Mr. Wexler is servicing
a client at the moment.

If there's anything I can do...

No, thank you.

Oh, excuse me, ma'am. Do you happen to...
Do you sell watchbands?

Of course.

I broke this a couple of weeks ago.
I've been carrying it with me.

This is a very good watch,
only five years old.

Waterproof and shockproof.
Do you have something for that?

Oh.

Seven jewels.

We have a large selection,
sir, starting at $25.

No, I don't want a watch, just the band.

That is for just the band.

No kidding.

I think I'll do it some other time,
thanks a lot.

Oh, uh, Mr. Wexler is free now,
if you'd care to see him.

Thank you.

Mr. Wexler?

I'm Bruno Wexler, yes.

Lieutenant Columbo. If you can spare a moment,
it's about Mrs. Caldwell.

I believe she shopped here
in your store.

Mrs. Caldwell was a valued client, yes.

Yes. That's what I understood, sir,
from going through her papers.

Mostly receipts for jewelry
that she bought here.

Of course, that was some time ago.

The most recent receipt that I found
was dated six months ago, September.

Well, I would have
to check back.

Um, of course, she came
in here quite a few times...

since then, didn't she?

I mean, even though
she didn't buy anything.

I've talked to a few people,

friends, the maid...

Lieutenant,
could you get to the point?

- May I sit down?
- Of course.

This is the point, sir.

Yes?

- It's glass.
- I can see that it's glass.

But this appraisal for $8,000 for a...

3.6-carat,
pear-shaped diamond ring...

with tapered baguettes
in a four-prong setting.

This appraisal
is for that ring, isn't it?

Well, I never would have charged Mrs. Caldwell
$8,000 for a piece of glass.

But that is your work,
isn't it?

Yes, Lieutenant.

I arranged with a friend
to have this copied...

for Mrs. Caldwell so that her husband
wouldn't realize...

that she had sold
the original back to me.

As a matter of fact, she sold
a lot of jewelry back to you.

The woman needed money.
Her husband had cut off her funds.

Then all the jewelry
in her house was phony.

Almost all of it. Yes.

Why did she need the money?

Really, Lieutenant...

I understood she had
a lot of boyfriends.

Well, Mrs. Caldwell
was beautiful and charming...

for a woman of 36.

But she fancied that she was
growing old very slowly.

In fact, hardly at all...

to judge by the young men
from whom she found companionship.

Yes, indeed.

That's a real honey.

You know, we don't get to see
many of these around anymore.

Especially in this condition.

Well, I try to take good care of it.
I'm looking for a Mr. Shoup.

I'm Mr. Shoup.

Charlie Shoup.

My name is Columbo.

How many miles
you got on it, Mr. Columbo?

20,000? 30,000 tops.

Oh, I got over 100,000 miles
on this car.

100,000?
That's pretty hard to believe.

Well, look, I don't care
what the speedometer says,

I'm gonna make you an offer on a trade-in
that you just won't be able to turn down.

Police?
Look, I just work here.

The stuff they pull up in the
business office is none of my doing.

You got a beef?
Go see the boss.

Good-lookin' watch.

Thanks.

I'm here to talk about
a Janice Caldwell.

Did she give you that watch?

Janice Caldwell was a friend
of mine, Lieutenant.

Where were you Tuesday evening, Mr. Shoup,
between 9:00 and midnight?

- That was the night Janice was killed?
- Tuesday evening.

I was right here until 9:30,
that's when we close up.

As a matter of fact, Janice was supposed
to pick me up.

When she didn't show up,

I gave her a call at her place,
but there was no answer.

Figured I'd been stood up.
So I...

- There was no answer?
- No, sir.

What time?

Around 9:30.

Go on.

Well, like I said, I figured
I'd been stood up.

So I went out with a little
bookkeeper we got here,

had a couple of drinks
across the street, went back to my place.

You can substantiate that?

She's right inside, Lieutenant.

Ask for Shirley.

That won't be necessary. Thank you very much.
You've been very helpful.

Lieutenant?

I'll give you $80 for it in a trade.

Excuse me, Commissioner.
I'm sorry to bother you at home...

- It's all right. Come in, Lieutenant.
- Thank you, sir.

I know I was supposed
to have the report at 6:00.

Let me tell you what happened.

My car let me down again.
They let me use another one.

Well?

Well, what?

Where is it, the report?

That's the problem.

I sat down in front of the typewriter
and nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.

Look, Columbo,
I'm a little bit tired.

If you've come in here to bombard me
with more of your screwball ideas...

May I explain the problem, sir?
Just give me a moment.

You've had
a lot of experience.

You happen to know this woman
Mrs. Caldwell. She was your neighbor.

I thought maybe you could
help me out with this thing.

I'm trying to figure it out.
If you could just give me a moment.

- All right. Come on.
- Thank you, sir.

You want a cognac?

No, thank you very much, sir.
I want to keep my head clear.

This is complicated.

See whether or not
you can help me with this.

Janice Caldwell died
between 10:30 and 11:00.

Sometime after her husband
spoke to her at 10:30...

and sometime before you saw
the burglar run out at 11:00.

Right?

That's correct.

That's why I can't start the report.

Why?

I get stuck in the beginning,
the time of death.

What are you talking about, Columbo?

Janice Caldwell had a boyfriend.

She was supposed to meet him at 9:30.

That's an hour before
she was supposed to have died.

She never showed up.

So she stood him up. So what?

Yeah, but the guy called her
around 9:30, too,

and there was no answer
on the telephone.

I have to ask myself the question,
why couldn't she answer the phone?

You know what I wrote down?

"Maybe she was dead already."

You follow my thinking?

Maybe she just didn't
want to talk to the man.

Did that occur to you?

But she answered the phone later,
when her husband called.

You see the contradiction.

If she didn't want to speak
to her boyfriend at 9:30,

why did she pick up
the phone at 10:30?

But did she pick up
the phone at 10:30?

Because her fingerprints
were not on the telephone.

You see how confusing it gets.

That's why I keep
going back to this.

"Maybe she was dead already."

'Cause if she's dead already,
that explains everything.

That explains why she doesn't
pick up her boyfriend.

That explains why
she doesn't answer the phone.

And it explains why her fingerprints
aren't on the phone.

Because if she was dead,
her husband never spoke to her.

It was a fake call.

I specifically asked you this afternoon...

if you thought Caldwell
had killed his wife.

And you said no, for what I thought
was a very good reason.

Because he knew about the folded
nightgown under the pillow.

I did say that, sir.

But in the light of these new developments,
it occurred to me...

maybe he had an accomplice.

Listen, why couldn't he go out
and hire somebody to run out...

of the house at 11:00,
pretend to be a burglar.

Provide him with an alibi.

I see. I get it.

The next thing, I suppose,
that you're gonna ask me to believe...

is this phantom accomplice,

who never killed anybody
in the first place, of course,

comes back the next night
to kill my wife.

Is that right?
Is that the next step?

You know, Columbo, I really...

I really do admire your enthusiasm.
The force could use a 100 like you.

But this theory is a crock.

You think so, sir?

We are looking for a murderer...

who was a burglar,
who panicked and killed two women.

Now, that's the theory
we're gonna go on.

Is that clear? That's an order.

Yes, sir.

All right.

Tomorrow morning, I want you to report
to Lt. Duffy in the Robbery Division.

I want you to concentrate
on his leads.

A little legwork and
we'll have this man in a week,

I promise you.

The burglar?

Sir, in that connection, I, uh, I spoke
to a Mr. Wexler today...

Well, you're tired...

Not important.
Good night, sir.

Good night.

194. 194.

Come in, 194.

194.

This is 194.

Lieutenant, we have a message for you
from the Medical Examiner's office.

Can you patch me through?

Stand by. Go ahead.

Doc, you wanted to talk to me?

Columbo, I've got
some bad news for you.

I checked Mrs. Halperin's lungs
for traces of chlorine.

Uh-huh.

Just as I thought, no trace at all.

Yeah?

But I did find some thing
that might interest you.

Trihydric alcohol glycerol
and palmitic acid.

Say that again, Doc.

Soap, Lieutenant. Soap.

- Find out what happened to Frankie Vale.
- Yes, sir.

Tell that probation guy
I want to see him by this afternoon.

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Duffy.

Oh, Columbo.

- I'm having some problems.
- Thought you would.

I spoke to the Commissioner
last night.

He suggested that I report to you
and maybe we could work together.

Well, it's nice to hear
you have a little faith in us.

Come on inside, Columbo.

I thought maybe you could give me a line
on some of the guys that you spoke to.

You know, the most likely suspects.

Take your pick.

But I'll tell you something,
you won't find him in there.

You sure?

Columbo, these guys
are like old friends.

Very placid and predictable types.

Now,

what we're looking for is a younger guy,
a guy with a violent temper.

Let me ask you something.

Leave out the last two murders.

Just concentrate
on the first three robberies.

If you had your choice,
which of these guys would you pick?

That's easy.
The guy on top. Artie Jessup.

Artie's always my first choice
when he's out on the streets,

which isn't too often.

Take a look for yourself.

In and out of the joint
since he was 20 years old.

That's almost 30 years
of state hospitality,

give or take a few vacations
on the outside.

You know, I think
old Artie prefers prison life.

He's very nervous out here
with us civilians.

What about the M.O.?

Fits a lot of guys, including Artie.

We've already talked to him.
We can't hold him.

Why not?

Columbo, you said forget
about the murders, right?

Artie has an alibi for both nights.

Mr. Jessup?

Do I know you?

I stopped by your place.
Your wife told me you were here.

My what?

My wife.

- You got Scotch?
- Yes, sir.

You like Scotch?

She wishes.

Give him some Scotch.

Thought maybe you could help me.

Suppose I wanted
a few dollars for that.

Where did you find it,
in a box of Cracker Jacks?

It's not real.

Come on, pal, what is this,
some kind of hustle?

A cop.

I must be getting old.

I'm not from Robbery.
I'm from Homicide.

I'm investigating the killing
of those two women in Bel Air.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

You're not going to hang
that one on me.

No way! No way!

Where's my jacket?

You wanna book me, go ahead, book me!
Where's my jacket?

You had nothin' to do with it.

Then what are you here for?

- I had nothing to do with it.
- You wanna know what I am here for?

- Yeah.
- Gimme this.

- Sit down.
- I don't wanna sit down.

May I sit down?

Go ahead.

You had nothing to do with it.

Now, the guys down
at the Robbery detail...

they can't identify the burglar
that committed those two murders.

That's what I'm here for.

I can't help you.

You haven't heard anything?

Nothing.

You're sure?

Do you know I'm afraid
of Siamese cats?

One meow and I'm out of the door
with my pockets empty.

Oh, look, Lieutenant,

that guy who killed those women,
he scares me.

I mean, he really scares me.

Look, I'm a professional,
we both know that, right?

Otherwise you wouldn't be down here.

That guy what killed those women,
he gives guys like me a bad name.

Right.

Look, Lieutenant,
if I knew who that guy was,

you think I wouldn't have
called you guys a long time ago?

Right.

Would you rob a thing like this?

Are you kidding?
They'd laugh me off the cellblock.

All right, listen to me, Artie.

- I got a problem. You can help me.
- Me?

I think I know who killed those two women.
But I can't prove it.

Hey, Artie, it's your old lady.

She says, get your tail home,
you're taking her shoppin'.

Tell that bag to go...

Tell her I'll be home in a little while.

You know who killed those women?

Come on, Hugh, make sense.
Who wants money?

The man. The burglar.

The one who's been robbing
all the houses around here.

That's ridiculous.

Mark, he's dead serious.

He's ready to go to the police
if I don't pay him.

But how does he know
you killed Janice?

I don't know. I don't know.

The point is that he knows.

I should've called the police
the moment it happened.

You did call the police, my friend.

How much does he want?

I don't know. I don't know.

Said he'd tell me later today.

- When are you supposed to meet him?
- Uh, 4:30.

A bar at Fifth and Wall.

All right, meet him.

I'll be waiting nearby.

Find out what he wants,

and we'll decide how to...

how to deal with him.

All right, no violence.

Why, Hugh,

I'm no more violent than you are.

The cops are trying
to pin those robberies on me.

But, you see, I didn't pull
that job in your joint.

But I figure you know
that already, don't you?

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Don't hand me that.

I figure you killed your old lady
and tried to pin it on me.

Well, I got news for you, pal,

nobody makes Artie Jessup
a patsy, you got it?

It's gonna cost you.

- You still haven't given me proof.
- I don't need any proof.

All I gotta do is go to cops and confess
to those first three robberies...

and, you know what, all of a sudden,
they look into the other two...

where the women were killed.

Now, what do you think?

I think they got you.

Hey, I don't mind
one way or the other.

Bein' on the outside
isn't all that great.

All my buddies are back there,
so going back on a burglary rap,

I won't mind that a bit.
Now, come on.

What's it going to be, pal?

Do I go to the cops,
or do we work something out?

All right.

How much?

Good.

Well?

He wants $5,000
in small bills. Old money.

Nothing larger than a $50.

$5,000, is that all?
The man has no imagination.

When do you meet him?

Tomorrow afternoon, here.

Same time?

Right. Now, Mark,
he's dead serious.

He says he knows your department has him
under suspicion for those other robberies,

but that they can't prove anything.

He's not a stupid man.

All right, now, I want you to
get the money from the bank.

I want you to be here tomorrow
at the same time.

Mark, we can't start paying him.
He's just gonna want more.

Just leave him to me.

You keep your mouth shut
and don't admit to anything.

We're gonna be just fine.

Both of us.

- Oh, Columbo. What are you doing here?
- Oh, good morning, sir.

Good morning.

Lt. Duffy is out on call.
I'm using his office.

What's the matter with your office?

Well, I was going
through these file folders.

These are the prime suspects
in the robberies...

and Duffy didn't want
the folders out of his office.

I wanna tell you something.

I'm doing it just exactly
the way you suggested.

I'm concentrating my efforts
on the robbery aspects...

of this crime, and you're right.

I think the answer lies
right in here somewhere.

Good.

Good. Okay, well, maybe I'll...

take a glance at these myself again.

I didn't get a very good look at that man
the night he ran from the Caldwell house.

Still you never know, do you?

That's a good thought. Sometimes
something just clicks into place.

Well, on the other hand,
I've been through these a dozen times.

I don't think they can help me any.

That's a good thought, too, sir.
No sense wasting your time on a dead end.

You keep at it, though, huh?

If you come up with anything,
let me know.

Do you, uh...

Do you mind?

Be my guest.

Easy. Easy. Under the table.

Gonna count it?

I trust you.

If it's short, you can always make it up
in the next payment.

The next payment?

- You said...
- I said a lot of things, Mr. Caldwell.

One thing I forgot
to tell you was that...

I'm a chronic liar.

- Sure they're in there, sir?
- Positive.

Caldwell is meeting him
on my instructions.

Catch this man Jessup with the money,
we'll have our killer.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- All right. Move.
- Take it easy.

You want it the hard way?

Take it easy!

What are you trying to do,
break my head? What is this?

It's called blackmail, Jessup.

First you rob this man's house,
you kill two women,

then you've got the gall to try blackmail.

Get out!
You don't have any proof.

We'll have it. As soon as
we search your apartment.

Which we'll do right now.

Columbo, Duffy, come with me.
We'll need one squad car.

Commissioner, we need a warrant
before we can search that apartment.

We already got one.
You want to check it?

Yes, sir, that's fine.
I think you're making a mistake.

I'll prove to you, I'm not.

All right, take this man down
and book him.

Mr. Caldwell will give you his statement.

Let's go.

Commissioner, I believe
you are making a mistake here, sir. Sir.

I don't believe Jessup killed either
of these women, particularly your wife.

Don't be ridiculous.
I saw it, he threw her in the pool.

There were other witnesses.

Could you bring the keys up, please?

Right away, huh?

- Sir.
- He's on his way up, Commissioner.

Thank you.

Sir, I realize that your wife
appeared to die in the pool.

Actually she died in the bathtub.

What are you talking about?

Right this way, please.
Right this way.

Room 13.

It was the water in her lungs.

Commissioner.

The water in her lungs.
There were traces of soap.

Duffy, check that bathroom.
You, get the kitchen.

You see, sir, as soon as I saw the body,
I knew right away something was wrong.

You did, huh?

Check behind that stove,
get under the sink there.

I knew something was wrong
because of her outfit.

What she was wearing,
the tear in her dress.

You see, I had asked
myself the question.

Why does a woman go to an
important testimonial dinner...

knowing that her sleeve is torn?
Got a whole closet full of nice clothes.

The one thing that I knew,

she was not on her way to the dinner
when she was drowned.

So, now it follows, she must
have been drowned earlier.

Now I find out about the soap.
That places it in the bathtub.

You see, a couple of hours before her body
was dropped into the pool,

somebody drowned her
and somebody dressed her.

The Medical Examiner's report
set the time of death at 7:30, Columbo.

Yes, sir.

But that was based
on your eyewitness testimony.

Now, I spoke to him.

He said it could just as easily have
happened a couple of hours earlier.

All right. Suppose she did die
in the bathtub.

Jessup surprised and killed her.

He dressed the body and threw it
in the pool to make it look accidental.

No, sir, that's not possible.
You know why?

You see, the bathroom, the bathtub,
the faucet itself, everything was bone dry.

Including the towels,
not even slightly moist.

That was the first thing
I checked, sir.

Now, she had to have drowned
before 6:00, maybe even before 5:00,

otherwise it wouldn't have been that dry.

Long before Jessup got there.

As a matter of fact,

just about the time
that you came home for supper.

Commissioner.

I believe you killed your wife.

And I believe you either killed Janice
Caldwell or you're covering up for it.

You just lost your badge, my friend.

- Come on, come on, keep digging.
- Yes, sir.

At first, I thought
Mr. Caldwell was responsible,

but that didn't work out
because of the nightgown business.

And then the next night
when your wife was killed,

and you had that terrific alibi,
it suddenly hit me.

You were in it together
and you tried to blame Artie Jessup.

And the truth is that Jessup was nowhere
near either house either night.

Commissioner.

He wasn't, huh?

All right, how do you explain these?

Janice Caldwell's jewels.

I can explain it.

You took them from the Caldwell house,
you hid 'em,

and today you planted 'em here
to incriminate Mr. Jessup.

You're crazy, you can't prove
anything like that.

Sgt. Randall?

Here, sir.

You.

Commissioner Halperin says he found
these jewels under your mattress.

That's crazy.

You're a liar.

Hey, I don't even live here.

What?

I can verify that, sir.

He doesn't live here. I live here.

These are my shirts.
That's my underwear.

My brother-in-law.

That's my nephew, my niece.

I haven't lived here long.
Just moved in.

You see, the apartment
was vacant for three weeks.

I just signed the lease.
You looked in the closet.

Those were my pajamas
and my bathrobe.

The file folder,
the... the report on the desk.

Yes, sir, I'll have to
take responsibility for that.

You see, I persuaded
Mr. Jessup to telephone Mr. Caldwell,

knowing that Caldwell
would contact you.

I was sure that once you knew the
true identity of the burglar,

you'd try and incriminate him.

So this morning, very early,
just after I signed the lease,

I made up a new file folder
on Mr. Jessup.

Everything was the same
except this address.

Only one person, beside myself,
knew this address.

That was you, sir.

That's all.

I think once your friend, Mr. Caldwell,
understands the situation,

he'll fill in some missing pieces.