All language subtitles for Columbo.3x06.Mind.Over.Mayhem

Heroin? He had heroin?

That man is lying!

I'll have to expose him myself.

You fool.

You're not a very good liar.

I've got nothin' to hide.

I suspected you 10 minutes
after I met you.

All right, Lieutenant, you win.

You're behind this.

Yes.

It's a real mess.

Do they know who did it?

He had an accident?

What're you
getting at, Lieutenant?

There is no power on earth...

that could induce me
to keep the lid on this.

Something just computed.

Russia, 4-3-2.

China air attack, 1300.

Sub-missile attack, China.

17 and 18 are acting up.

Okay, I'll get right on it.

Dr. Cahill.

Yes, Ross?

I'm sorry to disturb you, sir,

but Dr. Nicholson insisted
I give this to you at once.

He seemed very agitated, sir.

He's waiting in your office.

All right, Ross.

We'll postpone
the rest of World War III...

until after lunch, gentlemen.

The results so far
are completely unsatisfactory.

As a matter of fact,

your retaliatory response
indicates a total defeat...

with a 75% mortality rate
or the Western Hemisphere.

I suggest that you
abort plan R-17 and...

devote the rest of
the afternoon to preparing...

and computing an R-18 response.

We'll tackle it
again after dinner,

hopefully with a more auspicious
projection for the free world.

Hold the calls.

Marshall.

Howard.

Now, what the hell
is this all about?

Precisely what it says.

Your son is not going to
receive that award tomorrow.

And why not?

Because he is not
the scientist of the year.

If anything,
he's the fraud of the year.

Howard.

Oh, you must have suspected
the truth yourself, deep down.

That theory of molecular matter
was way beyond Neil's powers.

Howard, you're a chemist,

and I would say
that your ability...

to analyze a man's
intellectual capacity...

is way beyond your powers...

or is this psychological deduction
something your wife came up with...

considering Neil's been
in therapy with her?

I assure you, it's more
chemical than psychological.

It's on paper
in my filing cabinet.

What is?

The evidence, Marshall.

Carl Finch developed that
theory of molecular activity...

before he returned to England.

Neil was his research assistant.

He'd have had access to
the notes Carl left with me,

notes I've just gone over for
the first time since Carl's death.

Your son put his own name
to the work.

If this is true, why didn't Finch
publish his theories himself?

Because there was
no such thing then...

as a K-44 computer
to verify the equation.

But there is now,
right here in this institute,

readily available to your son.

Neil is
a competent computer analyst,

and that's all he is.

What do you intend to do?

I've asked my wife to persuade Neil
to confess his plagiarism...

to the National
Science Organization and...

to decline the award at the luncheon
in San Francisco tomorrow.

And if she doesn't persuade him?

Well, I'll have to
expose him myself.

Unless you can persuade him
to admit the theft.

He certainly does whatever
you tell him to do.

You resent me so much,
you're willing to destroy my son.

Oh, it's you who's
destroyed him, Marshall,

but not with love,
with browbeating domination.

He stole the work of a giant
to win the approval of a tyrant.

You're a radical, Howard.

Yes,

and a dangerous one to you,
at the moment.

Now, look, Howard. Finch is dead.

This isn't gonna do him any good.

It's not gonna do
anybody any good.

What will it take to get you
to forget the whole thing?

Well, if Neil himself
does not confess,

there is no power on earth...

that could induce me
to keep the lid on this.

Well, you got
your acceptance speech ready?

Yeah, it's simple enough.

Just thank you and...

I owe it all to
the opportunities afforded me...

by the Cybernetic
Research Institute.

You know,
sometimes you make humility...

sound more like
a vice than a virtue.

Suppose...

Suppose I told you
I don't deserve this award?

Just what I would expect from you.
Self-effacing humility.

Credit to lab assistants,

credit to experiments
by your predecessors.

That's not what I mean.

Neil,

Neil,
be as humble as you like.

Einstein was the most
modest man I ever met.

Sure, he could afford to be.
He was a genius.

And so are you, according to the
National Science Organization.

Right?

Right.

I'm very proud.

Checkmate.

Why did he do that?

Oh, Dr. Cahill, hello.

Did you see that? I've got MM-7's
emotion mode operating.

He's a sore loser.

He was more impressive
when he was unbeatable.

He still is, Doctor.

It's just that I thought it'd be fun
to make him a little more human, so I...

I switched a couple of circuits.

Little more adjustments
with that consender...

and he'll be as temperamental
as a chess champion.

He's your baby, Steve.

I daresay
perfection can be a bore.

Yes, sir.

As a matter of fact,

all work and no play
does make Jack a dull boy.

The one provision we didn't
make in this institute...

was recreational facilities for children.

We didn't count on
having a boy-genius.

I know.

We're gonna have to get you
out of this lab more often.

- Yeah?
- Starting tonight, if you'd like.

My secretary tells me
you expressed interest...

in seeing that movie
at the drive-in.

Yes, sir.
The Loves of Frankenstein.

But I can't drive,
and she won't take me.

It's R-rated.
No one under 17 allowed...

unless accompanied
by a parent or guardian.

Well, perhaps I can persuade
Murph to be your guardian.

Really?
That'd be really neat. Thanks.

Okay.

Hey, Murph.

Hey! Hi, Doc.

Having a little trouble?

Oh, same old problem.
Pilot light keeps going off.

Yeah, well, you'll lick it.

One day,
when everybody's using 'em,

you'll be the only mechanic
that can cope with it.

If you've got enough matches,
you won't need a mechanic.

Murph, I'm going to
ask you for a small favor.

Sure.

I need somebody to take the young
Spelberg boy to the movies tonight.

Oh.

What's the matter?
You got other plans?

No, no, it's...

- Listen, the kid makes me nervous.
- What?

Well, it's not
what he says or does.

It's just my knowing
how smart he is.

Well, we'll forget about that
for tonight.

You punch your card in
for overtime, and, uh,

the movies and hamburgers
are on me, huh?

- Okay, Doc, thanks.
- Sure.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen...

if you are quite ready,

we will begin the R-18 problem.

Turn on the juice, please.

I left some coffee on for you.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Now, we're starting at 8:00.

So I probably won't be back
until late morning.

I'll stop at the market,
get some kippers,

and we'll have
a fine English breakfast.

Oh, you're too good to me.

You're too easy to please.

How many husbands
would say that to a wife...

who's about to
stay out all night?

True.

But how many husbands
whose wives stay out all night...

can reassure
themselves she's monitoring...

a group-therapy marathon,

especially husbands my age
with young wives.

I haven't seen any new models
I'd trade you in for.

Margaret?

Margaret?

Much better, ladies and gentlemen.

A very effective retaliation,
and without overkill.

Well, I think we could
all use a drink.

It's been a hard night.

You're all invited to join me
for a nightcap at The Roadhouse.

Hi.

Damn, I... I just can't get used
to these transmissions.

Lieutenant, I've been dean of
this academy for over 20 years,

and we have never had
a situation like this.

Believe me, sir,
I know you've done your best.

If a student fails, we consider it
our failure, not his.

To be honest with you, I was
afraid of something like this.

We've had a lot of problems
with him at home.

Then you do understand...

we consider it best
you withdraw him.

Yes.

I'm very sorry, Lieutenant.

He just sits around the house
and drools. Never moves.

We love him, but a dog
should do somethin',

even if he just
barks now and then.

Yes.

Oh, Lieutenant, it's for you.

Yeah. Columbo.

Where?

I'll be right over.

Uh, I've got to go to work.

My wife and kids, they're visiting
my mother-in-law up in Fresno.

You don't suppose you could
keep him for another week?

I'm sorry.
He demoralizes the other students.

I won't be gone long.

Hey, Milt, what happened?

Uh, deceased is...

Howard Nicholson, male,
Caucasian, age 64.

He died last night
between 8:00 and 9:00.

Multiple fractures. Skull,
ribs, legs. It's a real mess.

Hmm.
Any sign of a weapon?

No. You'd better look for
a couple of baseball bats.

I'll have a work-up
for you in the morning.

Okay, boys, move him out.

Uh, these are the effects
from his pockets. All right?

Thanks, Milt.

What do you make of it?

Oh, uh, possible robbery.

Victim's watch and wallet
are missing. And a can of heroin.

Heroin? He had heroin?

He was a chemist.
He has a... a lab in his garage.

We checked. Apparently
the only thing missing is a...

is a can of heroin
he had out there.

I don't understand.
The heroin is in the garage,

but he was killed here.

Beats me.

Who found the body?

Uh, Margaret Nicholson.
This morning.

Is she here?

Yeah, upstairs. I'll get her.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four.

Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday.

Today's Friday, right?

Right.

Last night was Thursday.
Thursday. Hmm.

Lt. Columbo,

oh, uh,
this is Margaret Nicholson.

How do you do, ma'am?

I'm sorry to bother you
at this time.

I'd like to get this over with
as quickly as possible.

Yes, ma'am. Right away.

I understand you found
your father here this morning.

That's right, and he's my husband,
not my father.

Oh, I am sorry.

It's... It's a common mistake.

Go on, Lieutenant.

You found him here this morning.
You weren't here last night?

I was at the institute.
I'm a psychologist.

We were having
an all-night therapy session.

I see.

I understand
there was some heroin...

in your husband's laboratory
and that's missing.

Yes. It's gone.

Why did he have heroin?

He was doing some drug research
for the government.

Hm.

Was he expecting
anyone last night?

No.

I left shortly before 8:00.
He was working.

In the garage?

Right.

And you didn't see anybody?

No.

Margaret.

Excuse me.

Margaret, I, uh...

I am so sorry.

Why don't you stay
in one of the staff cottages?

Oh, thank you,
I was planning to do that.

Oh, uh, this is Lt. Columbo.

Marshall Cahill.

Prof. Nicholson was
a close friend and associate.

Margaret, why don't you go on?

I don't think you should stay here
any longer than you have to.

All right. Lieutenant?

I think that's a good idea.

Excuse me.

A terrible thing.

I just can't believe it.

Howard Nicholson.

Excuse me, sir,

just what kind of work
did the professor do?

He was a leading chemist.

He'd been with the institute
for almost 10 years.

What's the institute?

The Cybernetics
Research Institute.

What's that?

Well, you're... you're on
the premises right now.

You might call us
a think tank, Lieutenant.

All of this acreage
is part of the institute.

Oh, think tank. Oh, I read
about that in the paper.

Yeah. That's... That's a place
full of geniuses, right?

Right.

Uh, may I ask, sir, uh,

just what is it
that you do here?

I'm the director.

Exactly what happened here,
Lieutenant?

Oh, sir, I'm... I'm not too deeply
into the case yet, uh,

so it's hard for me to say,
but, uh,

you know, so far,
I would say it was very confusing.

Confusing? In what way?

Um,

well, you know, he was
last seen in the garage,

he was working in the garage,
and the heroin was in the garage.

But the struggle took place here,
and the body was found here.

So that makes it hard for me
to picture exactly what happened.

Um,

two drinks here on the table.

You know, that would indicate
the professor knew the killer,

and they were
having drinks together.

But the missing watch and heroin,
you know, that indicates robbery.

Perhaps the robber
was somebody who knew him.

Right, that's a possibility, sir.

But on the other hand...

you see, if the killer knew
Prof. Nicholson,

maybe he just took
the watch, the wallet,

and the heroin to make it
look like a robbery.

But on the other hand,

if he knew him,

why wouldn't he get rid of those
two drinks there on the table?

Yeah, I see what you mean.
It is confusing.

Well, perhaps it's the work
of a psychopath. You know,

a drug addict.

Hmm.

It's very confusing.

Lieutenant, I'll be at this number
if you need anything else.

Oh, thank you very much.

I'll just take
Mrs. Nicholson to her car.

Mrs. Nicholson.

Excuse me.

Just one more thing.

Was your husband smoking a pipe
last evening when you left him?

Yes.

Is this his lighter?

Mmm-hmm. It's a special lighter
for pipe smokers.

Mmm-hmm.

Hmm.

Was this room cleaned yesterday?

As a matter of fact, it was,
about 5:00 in the afternoon.

Besides yourself, your husband,
and the criminal,

was anybody in this room
after it was cleaned?

No.

Thank you very much.

- Could I have a handkerchief?
- Yeah.

Hmm.

You got anything?

No.

What's this?

I don't know.

It's shoe polish.
See, that's strange, isn't it?

They have the place immaculate, and
they got shoe polish on the door.

How do you figure that got there?

Well, that beats me.

You find a pipe anywhere?

No.

Lieutenant, if I can be
of any help to you...

Lieutenant?

Oh, sorry, sir.
I wasn't listening.

Uh, did you see a pipe
around here anywhere?

Pipe?

Yeah, we're lookin'
for a missing pipe.

Yours?

Prof. Nicholson's.

He may have left it in the lab.

That's a thought.

I'll take you there.

Excuse me,
w-what're you doing?

Th-They're under my orders.

We're returning all the files
to the institute.

Much of the work here
is classified.

Oh, I see.

Go ahead, fellows.

Do you see a pipe?

Pipe? No, not yet.

Is it important?

I don't know.

Thank you for your help, sir.

I'll be at the institute, Lieutenant,
if I can be of any further help.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Doctor.

Yes?

One more thing.

I was just curious whether
there was anyone around here...

that you know of that...

might have a motive to do
this kind of thing...

to Prof. Nicholson.

No. Howard was a difficult man.
He offended a great many people,

including me, but murder...

If you ask me,
my guess is that the killer...

is a complete outsider.

Well, I'm sure
you're right about that, sir,

and I certainly intend to
investigate that possibility.

Uh, but if you don't mind,

I'd just like to poke around
your institute.

Anything you say, Lieutenant.
We'd like to help in any way we can.

We're deeply shocked
by this brutal murder.

The sooner it's solved the better.

I'm gonna do my best, sir.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Listen.

I'm not going away for long.
I'm just gonna talk to this guy.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I'm just gonna be right here.

I'm gonna talk to
this man for a little while.

Excuse me, can you help me?

Can you help me?

Oh, I'm only allowed
to work on institute cars.

Oh, I don't want you
to work on my car.

She's runnin' beautiful.
I'm Lt. Columbo.

I'm from the LAPD.

Oh, you investigating
the Nicholson murder?

Did you know Prof. Nicholson?

Just to say hello to.
He kept pretty much to himself.

Are you in... in charge of
all these cars here?

Yeah, we're testing them.

They've all been
converted to natural gas.

It's part of
an environmental experiment.

Does everybody at the institute
drive these cars?

Yeah, that's right.

I'm not going anywhere.

Uh, what happened to this one?

Oh, just a little front-end damage.
I rolled out the dents.

Give me a break,
would you, please?

Uh, whose car is this?

Uh, this one checks out
to Mr. Ross, that's, uh,

Dr. Cahill's assistant.

He had an accident?

No, he didn't have it.

Dr. Cahill backed into it
last night while it was parked.

Car was parked.
Cahill backed into it. Uh...

Could anybody else have
driven in this car last night?

Oh, no, not a chance.
I keep strict records.

Everybody has to check in
and out and record the mileage.

It's part of our grant for the
experiment from the ecology people.

Dog, please.

Hm. Could I see the logbook?

Sure. I'll get it for you.

What's the matter with you?

Can't I have a conversation
with that man, huh?

All right, I'm going over
to this car here.

I'm gonna read the odometer.
I'm gonna be right back.

Here you go, Lieutenant.

You checked this out at 5:00?

That's right, every day.

And Ross didn't... Ross didn't
use this car at all last night?

No, it never left
the parking lot. Why?

Well, there's three more
miles on the odometer...

than you've got here on the log.

Let me see.

I don't get it.

Where can I find Mr. Ross?

Check with Dr. Cahill's office.

Listen, do me a favor, would you?

Yeah.

Uh, would you mind keeping
the dog around for a while?

I tell you, he's no trouble.
He just don't like to be alone.

He wants to be
around a human person.

He don't care who it is.

Okay.

You know, it could be anybody.

So just, uh, unstrap him here...

and he'll be fine.

I'm gonna leave you,
but you're gonna talk...

with this gentleman.
All right?

Is he gonna be all right?

Yeah, he's gonna be fine.

Why didn't you call me?

You shouldn't have
come back so soon.

- There's no point in your being here.
- I wanted to come back.

You should've
stayed at the conference.

You just were awarded
their highest honor.

Top men from all over the world,
people you should get to know.

Do they know who did it?
Who killed him?

No. Not yet.

Neil.

I'll see if Margaret
needs anything.

Neil.

Stay out of it.
It can't do you any good.

Yes?

Lt. Columbo to see you, sir.

Send him in.

Oh, it's too late now.
You can't go back.

It would look very odd.

Just keep to yourself and stay
away from the press people.

How're you doing?

- Doctor.
- Lieutenant, welcome.

Aren't you Neil Cahill?

My son.

Lt. Columbo. I read about you
in the newspapers.

I want to congratulate you.

Thank you, Lieutenant.
If there's anything I can do...

We'll have lunch sometime.
I'll call you.

Come in, Lieutenant, come in.

You must be mighty proud of him.

Yes, I am.

Well, Lieutenant,
what can I do for you?

Anything new on the case?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
there is.

What?

I found the missing pipe.

And?

On the driveway. Outside.

Yes?

Well, that got me
to thinking, sir, and, uh,

excuse me, just one moment.

You know, this case is so full
of confusing details that,

excuse me, uh, I said to myself,

"What I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna make a tape-record...

of everything that
I think about the case...

and all the questions
I want to ask."

That's very ingenious of you,
Lieutenant.

Oh, I used to take notes,
but it got to be a lot of trouble.

I was always losing my pencil.

Sometimes I lost
the whole notebook.

Bad dog! Bad dog!

Oh, this is embarrassing.

I'm tryin' to housebreak my dog,
and nothin' seems to work.

Why was the pipe on the driveway?

Right. Why was the pipe
on the driveway?

Obviously, he must have
dropped it there.

Yes, but when?

You see,
Mrs. Nicholson told me that...

Prof. Nicholson
had his pipe when she left.

He had it with him in the lab,
the lab that's in the garage.

Then he dropped it between
the lab and the house.

Exactly.
Here's the problem there...

Um,

excuse me, one moment, sir.
Oh, here it is.

It's nothing to show.

It looks like this pipe
has been run over by a car.

What are you getting at,
Lieutenant?

Um...

Uh...

What if the victim
was killed by a car?

What if the victim
was killed by a car?

That's what
occurred to me, sir.

Maybe Prof. Nicholson was hit
by a car in his own driveway.

Does the coroner confirm that?

Yes, sir, he does.

He tells me that
the bodily injuries...

were consistent with that of
a hit-and-run victim.

Then, uh,

how did the body
get inside the house?

Could have dragged himself in.
No.

No, no,
not with that scuff mark.

- What?
- Scuff mark, sir.

I found a scuff mark
on the living room door.

Shoe polish. I checked.

Definitely came off of
Prof. Nicholson's shoes.

And what did that tell you?

I don't know. In my mind...

that reinforces the theory
that the body was moved.

So what you're saying,
in effect, is that somebody...

killed Nicholson outside
and then carried him inside.

Well, why would anybody
want to do a thing like that?

I don't know.

Well if he moved the body, then
the signs of struggle are fake,

and if they're fake...

then the two glasses, and
the watch, wallet, and heroin,

they all could be fake.
I don't know.

The only thing I know,
whoever did this, he had a brain.

You know what I mean?

Not the average
guy off the street.

And this is a think tank,

and you got a lot of brilliant
minds around here, and...

you yourself said...

Prof. Nicholson had enemies
here at the institute.

Oh, yeah, well, the brilliant
minds are stockpiled here.

You'd like to probe a few of them?
Is that what you're asking me?

Quite frankly, yes.

I would like to see a Mr. Ross.
I believe he's your assistant.

Right away.

Uh, send Ross in.

Yes, sir.

Why Ross?

I noticed the fellow
from the motor pool,

he was repairing
the front end of Ross's car.

What are you laughing at?

Well, I'm afraid I'll have to
disappoint you, Lieutenant,

but, uh, Ross's car and I
had a little collision...

in the parking lot
out here last night.

I heard about that.

I know what you're getting at.
If Ross ran down Nicholson,

the front of his car
might have evidence of it...

and the collision with my car
would've destroyed it, hm?

I am afraid so.

Well, that's a bad break.

Yes, sir. It is.

Of course, not for Ross.
Not if he's guilty.

Lieutenant, I've known Ross
for a long time.

I respect that, sir...

but, you know, I checked
the log with the garage man.

He's got three miles on his
car that shouldn't be there.

And from here to
Nicholson's house, roundtrip,

just about three miles.

Well, uh,

how do you know somebody else
didn't take Ross's car?

Well, we can't be
certain at this point.

Excuse me, where do you
get those cigars?

I'll let you in on a little secret,
Lieutenant. They're from Cuba.

A friend of mine
brings them in for me.

They... They look terrific.

You know,
these fellows that I smoke,

I pick these up here,
at the supermarket.

Be my guest.

Oh.

Thank you very much.
I'll just take one.

Yes?

Mr. Ross is here, sir.

Send him in.

I'll save this
for a special occasion.

Yes, sir.

Uh, come in, Ross.
This is Lt. Columbo.

He's investigating
the Nicholson murder.

Yes.

Oh, this is just
a routine question.

Where were you last night
between 8:00 and 9:00?

I was in my apartment,
here at the institute.

Any way you can
substantiate that?

No, I... I was alone.

I see. That's all I wanted to know.
Thank you very much.

I don't understand.
Am I a suspect?

No, sir.
No, you're not the suspect.

No, not at all.

Just covering all bases.

Anything else?

- No, sir.
- Thank you, Ross.

Lieutenant, I realize it isn't
my place to say anything, but...

why did you tell him
he wasn't the suspect?

To throw him off his guard?

He's not a suspect.

Since when?

Since I saw him. He's too small.

I beg your pardon?

He's too small...

for the scuff mark.

Remember I mentioned
the scuff mark on the door?

Well, the height of that mark
tells me the body was carried.

It wasn't dragged.

That fellow's too small to have
carried Prof. Nicholson...

high enough in his arms
for the shoes to make that mark.

Your methodology
fascinates me, Lieutenant, but...

I've got a lecture scheduled.

Anything else I can do for you?

Oh, excuse me, just one moment.

Why did car have extra miles?

Did anyone else
have access to the car?

I just want to make those notes.
Don't wanna forget that.

Thank you very much.

Uh, Lieutenant, before you go,

there is one other thing
I'd like to show you.

Trouble?

Just a replacement, Doctor.

It's okay now.

Lieutenant, this, uh,
K-44 computer you see here...

is the only one of its kind
in the world.

Ultra-sophisticated.

Really?

Now, I don't expect you
to appreciate all this.

Oh, no, no,
I... I appreciate it.

Hmm.

Actually, the reason I asked you
to come up to this room...

was that I figured sooner or later
you'd get around to asking me...

where I was
on the night of the murder.

Why, that's very
thoughtful of you, Doctor.

I can't imagine how I forgot
to ask that question.

I was right here,
operating the K-44.

Can you
substantiate that, sir?

I didn't think
you'd forget that.

Not directly, no,
but, uh, by remote control.

Mmm-hmm.

Beg your pardon?

You see, this K-44 is remoted...

to a room we have in the basement
that we call the War Room.

Scientists, technicians,
officers from the armed services...

work out defense
problems down there...

that I set up on the K-44.

And since the problem last night
was one of my own devising,

I'm the only person who could've
possibly projected it down to the War Room.

I understand that, I think.

In other words,
if you stopped doin'...

what you're doin' up here
then nothing'll happen there.

Exactly. And not only
do I have an alibi,

but everybody involved
in the problem has one, too.

Well, that eliminates
a lot of people.

Right.

While you're about it,
you might check out...

Margaret Nicholson's encounter-group
marathon last night.

That way you can
eliminate them as well.

Wonderful.

You don't seem too pleased.

Well, you know, Doctor,
I've been runnin' into people...

by the dozens who couldn't have
murdered Prof. Nicholson.

I wish I could run into one
who could have.

No, no, c-come on, don't.
Leave me alone.

He likes you.

Hey, listen, Lieutenant,

I like him, too,

but I just can't seem to
get any work done.

Does anybody else
have a key to Mr. Ross's car?

Yeah. I've got
duplicates to all of them.

But just about anybody could've
sneaked in here last night and...

grabbed Ross's key off the board.

Where were you between
8:00 and 9:00 last night?

I went to
a drive-in movie with a kid.

Well, I guess it's as good
an alibi as Dr. Cahill's,

if the kid will confirm it.

He sure will.

You'll find him in a lab
in the administration building.

It's marked MM-7.
His name is Stephen Spelberg.

Uh, S-Stephen Spelberg?

Yes, sir. But I prefer Steve.

Steve. Okay, Steve.

Uh, my name is Lt. Columbo.
I'm from the LAPD.

Are you investigating
Prof. Nicholson's murder?

That's right, son.
That's what I'm doing.

He doesn't look like
a police dog.

Well, he isn't.
He's a policeman's dog.

Believe me,
there's a big difference.

Are you gonna question me?

Oh, no, not really. I'm just gonna
ask you one question.

Did you go to
the movies last night...

with the fellow
from the motor pool?

Yeah. What's his name?

What, the dog?
Well, he doesn't have a name.

My wife and I,
we could never agree on one.

We just say "Hey,"
or "Dog," or whistle.

Doesn't make any difference.
He don't come when you call him, anyway.

What do you do here? You...
You help your father in here?

My father's a barber in San Jose.

This is my lab.

This is your lab?

I might as well tell you
right now, Lieutenant...

I'm a boy genius.

Oh, well, that's good.

Not always, it isn't.

People treat you like some kind of
freak when they find out...

no matter how normal you act.

Well, I'll try not to do that.

Well, uh, you know, I think maybe
you're a little smarter...

than most kids, Steve, but...

in other ways, I guess you...

you're just like
other kids, aren't you?

I am.

Say, guess what I wanted
to be when I was three?

That's easy.
You wanted to be a cop.

How'd you know?

All kids, they want to be cops.

And, you know, I could tell
by the way you asked me.

Also the fact that
I am a cop, you know.

That's what I wanted to be,
all right, but I couldn't.

Why not?

I was too smart.

Oh, no offense, Lieutenant.

That's all right, I don't mind.

What do you do
around here, Steve?

I got a grant to work on MM-7.

MM-7? Some kind of spy stuff?

Oh, no, sir, nothing like that.
Here, let me show you.

MM-7, come here and shake hands
with the man in the raincoat.

Don't be frightened, Lieutenant.
It's not a monster.

Go ahead. Shake hands.

How do you do?

I'll tell you, that's somethin'.

That's the most wonderful
thing I've ever seen.

Thank you. I made it myself.

I call it MM-7 because it's the
seventh model of the original.

You know what the original was?

No.

A Mickey Mouse robot
I built when I was five.

How many other things
can it do?

Well, almost everything
a man can do,

if you program it
with these black boxes, here.

Or else you
design a new black box...

for whatever you want it to do.

Uh-huh.

Boy,
could my wife ever use him.

Everybody can use a robot,
Lieutenant.

There are a lot of annoying jobs
people don't like to do...

that robots will be doing someday.

Listen, talking about annoying jobs,
you like dogs, don't you?

- Yes, sir.
- Would you do me a favor?

Would you and the robot
take care of my dog?

I got a lot of things to do, and
the dog doesn't like to be alone.

Sure.

Oh, that's wonderful.
Thank you very much.

- Okay.
- So I'll see you later.

What's this world coming to?

It's the second time in two days
I've been treated like a kid.

What was the other time?

Uh, when Dr. Cahill asked me
to go to the movies yesterday.

He's never done that before.

Is that a fact?

Does that mean something,
Lieutenant?

Oh, I don't know, Steve. When people
do something for the first time,

detectives always get curious.

Oh, okay.

Uh, Steve,

Look, I don't
want to impose on you, but...

if you can make that robot
do all those things,

you think you can
housebreak my dog?

Well, Lieutenant,
zoology isn't my field,

but I'll give it a crack.

Come on, boy.
Come on, come over here.

MM-7, walk the dog.

Uh, good afternoon, Lieutenant.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Nicholson.

I guess it's
Dr. Nicholson, isn't it?

Were you looking for me?

Yes. They told me
I'd find you down here.

I was wondering
if you've made any progress.

No. I've cleared a lot of people,
but I haven't caught anybody.

For a policeman,
I guess that's bad.

Yes, ma'am. Everybody seems to
have an ironclad alibi.

It begins to look more and more...

like the work of some
dope-crazed psychotic.

Not to me.

Even with that
missing can of heroin?

You know how that
can was labeled?

That was labeled...

I got it here somewhere.
Here we are.

"C21 H23 NO5."

Who would know that was heroin?

That's the chemical formula
for heroin. I looked it up.

I would never know that was heroin,

and I don't think
a junkie would either.

I guess you've got a point.

Uh, may I ask what you're
looking for in my husband's file?

To tell you the truth,
I don't know.

But Dr. Cahill told me
this was classified material,

and when they were
moving this file out,

I noticed that
only the top drawer locked.

The other three drawers,
they slide free.

So I figured
the classified material...

is only in the top drawer.

- It is.
- Right.

But your husband's keys,

and that included
the key to the top drawer,

were in his pocket.

So the thief, I mean,
if there was a thief,

he wasn't after
classified material.

You think he may have been
after something...

that was in
one of the open files?

It's possible.
Maybe you can help me there.

Like, your husband,
he was a very organized man.

I mean, the lab was neat,
everything was in place.

You're quite right. He wasn't
an easy man to keep house for.

That's right,
the house was spotless,

except for that scuff mark
on the living room door.

I heard you noticed that.
You're very observant.

Some people say I'm snoopy.

Anyway, see,
this filing cabinet...

is alphabetical,

and in this row you have
everything from "A" to "G."

This index card tells you
everything that is in this drawer.

Mmm-hmm.

See, under "A," you have
Aaronson, Ackroyd, Archibald.

Under "B,"
Baker and Burkhardt.

Well, those are colleagues,
correspondence.

Under "C," there's nothing.

Got two under "D."
Davis, Drake.

Under "E," nothing.

Under "F," one.
Only one under "F."

Finch?

Yes. Carl Finch,

a... a very distinguished
British physicist who...

worked here for a while
then returned to England.

Well, he died some time ago.

Mmm-hmm.

That doesn't explain it.

Explain what?

Everything this card indicates
is here, is here,

except what's under "F."

You can't think of any reason
why Finch should be missing?

No.

I don't want to
offend you, Doctor, but...

you're not a very good liar.

Lieutenant.

You said they told you that
you could find me down here.

Now, the only person
who knew I was here...

was the judge who issued me
the search warrant.

Now, I'm just guessing,

but I have a feeling you didn't
come down here looking for me.

I think you came down here,

and it had something to do
with these files.

It might've had something to do
with the missing Finch file.

If you've got something
to tell me about that,

I wish you'd do it.

All right, Lieutenant, you win.

I'm not a very good liar.

I guess my profession has
programmed me to level with people.

But it also
imposes a restriction.

I'd like to help
solve my husband's murder,

but I can't
talk about anything...

that might involve
a patient's confidence.

As a police officer,
I'm sure you know that...

whatever passes between a doctor
and patient is as privileged...

as what passes between
a priest and a penitent.

Yes, ma'am.
I understand that, but...

I'd like to ask you a question.
If it doesn't violate your ethic,

I'd appreciate it
if you'd give me an answer.

I'll try.

Do you have any idea who killed
your husband, and why?

I'm sorry.

I can't help you.

Goodbye.

Come in.

Dr. Cahill. Listen, I can
come back when you're not busy.

That's all right. I'm just
unpacking. How's it going?

Not well. Mind if I sit down?
My feet are killing me.

Sure.

Not making much progress, huh?

I got somethin', but, uh,
the motive is uncertain.

Everybody's got an alibi.
However...

Well, it wasn't built
in a day. Um,

I wanted to ask you...
Oh, here we are.

According to the motor pool log,

you took the car out
last night. 22 miles.

It's 11 miles
roundtrip to the airport.

- So what?
- How come the double mileage?

Oh, I... I cancelled out
my earlier flight,

and I took the 10:00.

That doesn't account
for the extra miles.

All right. I went back
to the lodge to see Margaret.

Mrs. Nicholson. I had to
talk to her about something.

You mind telling me what?

No, I can't tell you that.

How long were you with her?

Just a few minutes.

So you had an hour to kill...

before you had to get
back to the airport.

I take it you mean to use
that phrase, "to kill."

You mean that literally.

No. I was just using
a figure of speech.

I'm not making an accusation.

Well, I sat at the airport for an hour,
reading a magazine. That's all.

I've got nothin' to hide.

I appreciate your time.

Oh, one other thing.

Professor and Mrs. Nicholson,
were they happily married?

Yes, they were.

I have to ask that question,
under the circumstances.

Because she's so much
younger than he,

because she's so attractive.

It has to be considered.

Did it ever occur to you she
married him because she loved him?

I'm happy to know it's true.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry, ma'am. Come right in.
Just leaving.

Neil, what's the matter?

He thinks I murdered Howard.

You're not just guilty
about the plagiarism.

Now you're beginning to feel guilty
about a murder you didn't commit.

I'm telling you,
he thinks I did it.

I don't think he does.

He's a lot wiser about people
than he cares to show,

or perhaps than we recognize.

He's a cop. He's got to
hang this on somebody.

He's no different from the rest of us.
Winning is all that counts.

Failure is the one sin.

I don't believe that.

But even if it's true,
it's his problem, not yours.

You know, you've always wanted me to admit
I stole that theory from Finch.

But you never laid it on the line.

Neil,

maybe you're right.

Maybe I tried too hard to
make you bring it out yourself...

because I... I felt deeply
that you should.

Maybe I should've
ordered you to do it,

prescribed it, like a doctor.

After all, I am a doctor.

Would you have done it
if I'd told you to?

Yes.

Then do it, Neil.

Do it.

Neil, calm down.
There's no need to get upset.

The lieutenant can't break this case,
and he's grasping at straws.

But, Dad, he thinks
I murdered Nicholson.

Nonsense.

I did have a motive, you know.

What are you talking about?

What I mean is, someone
could think I had a motive if...

if Nicholson knew,
and I think he did.

Knew what?

That I stole the theory
of molecular matter.

And did you?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I know what this must be for you,

but it was Carl Finch's work.

I suppose I'm partly responsible.

I guess you sought the honor
as much for me as for yourself.

No. I don't want to lay this on you.
It's all my fault.

Neil, we... we can both
live with this thing together.

Finch is dead. So is Nicholson.

We'll just keep this thing
between us. If it ever got out,

it would implicate you
in Nicholson's murder.

Dad, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, but...

You're my son, Neil.

There's nothing in the world
I wouldn't do for you.

You don't understand.

I wanted to tell you first,
and then...

- And then tell Columbo?
- Yeah.

And let him
arrest you for murder?

- I want to tell the truth for a change.
- Noble, but I won't let you.

- Dad, I have to.
- Neil!

The lieutenant's looking for
an easy way out of this case,

and that'll be you,
if you give him the opportunity.

Now, we just won't say
a word about this to anyone.

And then you let me
handle the Lieutenant, huh?

You know, Steve and Janet
are still in Hawaii.

Maybe we can spend
a little time with them.

We both need some time off.
What do you say?

Well, I've got to see that group
from the UN, and then...

I've got to go to Portland tonight.

We'll talk again
when I come back tomorrow.

Sorry, Lieutenant,
it doesn't compute.

That means it doesn't make sense,
doesn't add up?

That's right.

Well, thanks, anyway, Steve.
It was worth a try.

Tell you what I will do. I'll keep
on adding any new evidence...

you turn up to this docket.

Maybe something
finally will compute.

Meanwhile I'll keep on
resequencing this data.

There must be hundreds of
possible combinations.

I appreciate that, Steve.

But I don't wanna
keep you from your work.

That's okay. I'll program MM-7
to do it. That is my work.

You mean, the robot
can operate this computer?

Sure. I told you. It can do almost
everything a man can do...

if you program it correctly.

Hold it.

What's wrong?

Something just computed.

No matter what your logistic
and geographical programs are,

we can fight your war for you,
right here in this room...

and help you find a viable
interception, defense,

and retaliatory program.

Excuse me, gentlemen.
There seems to be some sort of...

mechanical foul-up
in the Master Control Room.

Dr. Ross,
will you please take over?

Yes. As Dr. Cahill was saying,
from this room...

We'll discuss this later, young man.
You get back to your lab.

Yes, sir.

I noticed you know
how to turn him off, Doctor.

So, I guess, you know
how to turn him on, too.

And program it.

Lieutenant, you've obviously
been conducting...

an experiment calculated
to demonstrate that MM-7...

could have operated the computer
the night of the murder.

Boy, you just saved
a lot of time there, Doctor.

Yes, sir, you sure did.

That's exactly what we were doing.

It was my fault, not the boy's.

I doubt it. You don't even have
the brains for it.

So let me save you some more time.

There is no way on earth
you can prove...

that the robot was
at the computer that night,

let alone that I programmed him
to operate it.

Which is what you suspect,
isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Well, he doesn't leave
fingerprints.

You can't take him
into a back room...

and beat a confession
out of him with a rubber hose.

You can't even arrest him
and then...

get him to turn state's evidence
with the promise of immunity.

So all you have,
at the moment, is a theory.

Right now, you are in an institution
where any staff member,

including your little friend Steve,

will tell you
a theory isn't worth a damn...

unless it can be proved.

It's the same way at the
institution that I work at, Doctor.

Right. And the only thing
you can prove...

is that I don't have an alibi
for the night of the murder.

Well, Lieutenant, within
one square mile of here,

there are 10,000 innocent people...

who also don't have an alibi
for the night of the murder.

So I suggest you take
your investigation elsewhere.

You're disrupting this organization.

Good day, Lieutenant.

Hello.

This is Lt. Columbo.
I'm sorry to disturb you.

Could I come over there
for a few minutes?

What about?

I'd like to ask you some questions
about a Carl Finch.

What kind of questions?

It's Columbo. He wants to
talk about Finch.

He must've
stumbled onto something.

Oh, come on, Neil.
He's on a fishing expedition.

Columbo...

Oh, hello, Doc.

Apparently you didn't get
my message a few minutes ago.

Now, listen. My son and I
are going to dinner,

and when we return, I don't want
to find you on the premises.

If I do, I'm gonna
contact your superiors.

Come on, Neil. There's some people
I want you to meet.

Dad, I really
don't feel like it now.

I think I'd better
have a talk with Margaret.

You talk to her
as much as you like.

But when I get back from
Portland tomorrow afternoon,

you and I are gonna
take that vacation to Hawaii.

What're you gonna do, Lieutenant?

I've got to talk to my wife.

When a case gets too tough,
I've got to talk to my wife.

Is she a policewoman?

No.

Actually, she doesn't
talk about the case.

She talks about everything else.
It takes my mind off it.

Oh, so you're fresh
when you come back.

Something like that.

Are you coming back?

Not unless I get somethin'.

- Dr. Cahill?
- Yes?

- Uh, just a few questions.
- NBC News, Portland.

My name is Kimble. I'm from
the Portland Chronicle.

We'd like to get a few comments
on that story your son broke...

in Los Angeles earlier tonight.

- What story?
- You don't know?

I've been on a plane, gentlemen.

We understand your son
called the wire services...

and announced he'd plagiarized
that theory of molecular matter.

No comment.
No comment on anything.

Any developments in
the Nicholson case?

What is the earliest plane
to Los Angeles?

I'll have the bell captain
help you, sir.

- Dr. Cahill...
- Can you leave me alone?

You're behind this.

Dad...

I'd like to speak to Neil alone.

You might've told me.

I didn't want to be talked out of it.
I knew you could do that.

You didn't seem to have any trouble
getting yourself talked into it.

- Dad, try to understand.
- Understand what?

What about me?
What about the institute?

You've destroyed its credibility.

I made it perfectly clear
the institute was blameless.

And I was quoted correctly.

My resignation ought to help.

I don't want to hurt you,
you know that.

You have.

I am sorry.

What the hell do you want?

I owe you an apology.

I should never have
considered you a suspect.

All right.
It's accepted. Now get out.

I'm here to arrest your son for
the murder of Prof. Nicholson.

- That's a damn poor joke, Lieutenant.
- Neil.

It's not a joke.

Neil, don't say a word.

That's very good advice.
It can be used against you.

I'd like to say something,
Lieutenant.

You know, you have
a very transparent mind,

which in no way
implies clear thinking.

You're assuming that my son's
admission that he stole...

Prof. Finch's theory...

provides him with a motive
for murdering Nicholson,

who could've exposed him, huh?

That's right, sir.
I did make that assumption.

That's all it is, an assumption.
You can't prove a thing.

Oh, I can prove it.

I can prove a lot of things.

I don't need that motive.
He had another motive.

A less complicated motive.

Give me that report.

One of the oldest motives
we get down in homicide.

What the devil are you driving at?

Woman married to a man twice her age,
and a young lover.

That's a lie!

Neil, don't let him entrap you.

I don't have to entrap him.
I've got plenty of evidence.

You can't have.

By your own admission,
you cancelled your 8:00 flight...

and came here to
talk to Margaret Nicholson.

Yeah, that's right.

You left her at
10 minutes to 8:00.

You were here on the grounds
of the institute...

and the murder took place
between 8:00 and 9:00.

You drove car number eight?

I think so.

Don't think, son.

Give me that log.

Car number eight,
signed out to Neil Cahill.

I had the tires removed from car
number eight and run through our lab.

In the tread of one of those tires
was some grains of impacted tobacco.

Give me that tobacco.

This is the same tobacco
that Prof. Nicholson imported from England.

This is the same tobacco
that he used in his pipe,

the same pipe that was
crushed in his driveway...

by the car that killed him.

The same car that you signed out for,
the car that you were driving.

This is a frame-up.

I am not finished.

Mr. Whitehead?

Where are you employed,
Mr. Whitehead?

At the Shangri-la Motel
in Palm Springs.

Do you recognize
anybody in this room?

That gentleman and the lady
that left a minute ago.

I've never seen you
before in my life.

Where have you seen this gentleman
and that lady before, Mr. Whitehead?

At the motel, sir.

On the weekends, uh,
for the last few months.

They check in as man and wife.

You fool.

Dad, I swear to you,
that man is lying!

Arrest him and book him.

Thank you very much,
Mr. Whitehead.

Advise him of his rights
in the car on the way down.

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant. Lieutenant.

Right here, Doctor.

All right, Lieutenant, you win.

I did it.

Did you, Doctor?

I don't know whether or not
you could really hang this on Neil.

You're a strange man. It was a bluff
I couldn't afford to call.

How did you know?

I suspected you
10 minutes after I met you.

You see this match?

It wasn't used
to light a cigarette.

It was used to light this cigar,

and it's burned from top to bottom,

just like this match,

burned from top to bottom.

But this match was
found in an ashtray...

in Prof. Nicholson's living room.

The room was cleaned at 5:00.

After 5:00, there were
only three people in it.

Mrs. Nicholson,
but she doesn't smoke,

Nicholson himself,
who smoked a pipe...

but who used a lighter,

and the third person, the murderer.

That first day I couldn't give
a hoot in hell about a thief.

I was lookin' for a cigar smoker...

and there you were.

No, sir.

The problem wasn't so much who did it.

The problem was...

why you did it.

Son doesn't smoke cigars.
Father smokes cigars.

Father loves his son.

The father loves his son.

You did it to protect your boy.

That's what I was banking on.

That's why I staged
that scene in there.

I apologize for the frame-up.
Your son will be released in an hour.