Original subtitles

I wanted to say thank you for pushing me.

-(BULLETS RICOCHET) -Now I have a purpose.

(MEN CHANTING)

NOHO HANK: The debt has been paid.

Slate is clean. You owe me nothing.

♪ (FUNK MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

I can't work with you anymore, man.

Oh, Jesus Christ, not this thing again. Why?!

You wore a wire. You sold me out.

I got you, Barry! (LAUGHS)

Tell me the time when I met Ken.

Sam, just don't be an idiot.

(YELLING) You calling me an idiot?!

(ADMIRINGLY) End scene.

(APPLAUSE)

Hank. It's go time.

Capture the monastery before the caravan arrives,

or we are--

Fuck.

Cristobal?

We are very disappointed in you, Hank.

-(GRUNTS) -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

So, Lindsay told us all about the show you're doing.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's still kind of a... a work in progress.

Humble. I love it.

Well, sounded really great, really great, really important.

But mostly, really great.

Thank you.

The point is, in this climate,

you've got hashtag MeToo, hashtag HandsOff.

Right, so-- I-I told them

that you're directing and writing your own piece,

and how moving and relevant it was,

and these guys had a great idea.

Okay.

We'd like to put you in a room with Aaron Ryan.

-The TV producer? -He's a client.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Sorry, I-- Oh, my God, I love Divorced Women. It's so good.

And what was that one, um,

what was the one, you know, about the teens in prison?

-Lindsay: Prison Teens. - Prison Teens. Yeah, we had the package on that.

It ran ten seasons. Paid for the Mapplethorpe in the mail room.

Aah, shit, fuck.

Sorry, feature falling apart. Keep talking.

Anyway, Aaron has a project. It sounds perfect for you.

Wait, for me?

For one of the leads, Sally.

(chuckling): Oh, my God.

Aaron Ryan?

(sighs)

-I'm nervous. -Don't be nervous.

-Don't seem nervous. -Sally: Okay.

Are you a client here?

Oh, no. No, uh, my girlfriend is.

Sally Reed? I'm her ride.

Oh, you're Barry Block?

Yeah.

Michael Cohen. Yeah, my associate Lindsay saw you

in Sally's piece, said you were great.

She said, "He's very loud."

Ah, she didn't have to say that.

How tall are you?

-So, we'll see you at 11:00 a.m. -Yeah.

-Very excited for you. -Thank you. Oh.

(air kisses)

(sighs)

-Congrats. You deserve it. -Thank you. Okay.

-I'm so excited for you. -Thank you.

-Yeah. -Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Yeah, see you tomorrow. -Okay, okay.

Get some sleep.

Thank you. Wow. Thank you.

-Okay, cool. -Hey. Hey.

Hey! Oh, wow!

Look good. You look good. You look good.

Oh, my God. They are putting me in a room tomorrow

with Aaron Ryan!

-Oh, wow! -To talk about being the lead in one of his new shows.

Or, well, yeah, a lead.

Yeah, Aaron Ryan, I've seen that name on billboards.

-That's huge. -Yeah. I mean, he's massive.

Oh, my God. I can't believe this.

It's just, it's so crazy that I just, like,

put my art out into the universe, you know,

and I'm already seeing the benefits I deserve.

-Aw! -Thank you so much

for helping me with my scene and for pushing me, and...

It's you. It's all you.

Were you just talking to Michael?

Is that his name? The guy with the ball? Michael? Yeah, no.

He was super nice. Yeah, he just got me an audition.

-What? -Yeah, I didn't realize that's how it worked.

It's kind of neat.

(theme music playing)

So...

So, it-it's a feature?

No, it's a movie. So, how did your thing go?

And, um, you're,

you're going straight in for... for the director?

Yeah. Some guy named Jay Roach.

They like me 'cause I'm tall,

and the other guy they cast is short.

Apparently, it affects the poster.

The poster? (chuckles)

Uh, so, so, so, let me get this straight.

So, so, just because you're tall,

you skipped like five rounds of callbacks, at least?

I mean, Michael is Lindsay's boss.

Michael?

Michael.

-The man you met in the lobby. -Oh, right.

Yeah, he gave me his card. Michael.

(sighs)

-An audition? -Mm-hmm.

-You? -Yeah.

-Have an audition? -Yeah.

What, are they reading extras now?

No. That is so weird. Sally said the same thing.

-What's the part? -It's a guy named, um...

J.T. in a movie called Swim Instructors.

How many of these did you print?

It's just one. It's four scenes.

Holy moly. J.T. is on every page.

That's a lot of lines, Barry.

Yeah, I think he's one of the leads.

(gasps) No!

You say, "Oh, we're just a bunch of swim instructors."

That's the title. They can't cut that!

(doors creaking)

All of you, on your feet!

Now!

If we grab... Yeah, if you grab me, and we just...

There we go.

(chains rattling)

Cristobal? Okay. Come on, my friend.

Uh... Maybe fresh start?

You know, one-time do-over?

Mulligan? Get out of free jail?

Get on.

(plays funeral dirge)

Oh, for fuck's sake. This fucking guy.

Can someone please shut him up?

Bolivian: Get on.

At this point, for me,

the worst reason to make another TV show

would be to make a TV show.

-You know what I mean? -I... Uh-huh.

Like, another zero on my paychecks

-isn't going to change my life. -(Sally chuckles)

I mean, at this point, I'm really gravitating

towards smaller, more interesting,

more relevant material.

Like, I'm interested in what's going on right now.

Yes. Totally. Me, too.

I mean, I am also gravitating toward more honest--

Which isn't what's being made.

I mean, not in this town, at least.

So, look, it sounds like we might be a good fit.

Totally. (chuckles)

Yeah, Team Gersh told me about your past,

what you're working on right now.

Sounds really relevant, really current.

Thank you. I-I really appreciate that because--

So, the elevator pitch is basically this:

There's three women.

When we meet them, they're all in abusive relationships.

They're lost. But then over the course of the pilot,

they meet each other, they realize how much they have in common,

and they start to lean on each other.

-Oh, that's nice. -And because now there's this sense of community,

-they become stronger. -That's great. I love that.

So, they start a group where they kill their husbands.

-Jesus. -But that's the pilot.

The series is them finding other women

in similar tough spots and helping them get revenge,

whether it's slipping poison into the dudes' cocktails

or blowing them and the new girlfriend up on a boat.

It's empowering.

I'm really not supposed to show you this.

-Payback Ladies? -Yeah.

-Payback Ladies. -Payback Ladies.

You'd be this one.

"It's that time of the month... for revenge."

Maybe this one.

What do you mean you passed?

You just passed on an Aaron Ryan show? Why?

It was about three abused women, um,

who become murderers, okay?

I mean, he had a period pun on the poster. It was offensive.

The show has three leads in it,

and you would be one of them.

Do you not want to be a lead in a TV show?

-Not that TV show, no. -(door opens)

Did I just hear this right? Did you just pass on Aaron Ryan?

Guys, look, I really appreciate you getting me the meeting.

Really, I do. But I--

I mean, Lindsay, you saw my piece.

Do you really think that what he's doing

and what I'm doing are the same thing?

-Uh... -Can I be blunt?

You really don't have the credits to be turning this down.

-Yeah, we've all seen your reel. -You cut together my reel.

You can't honestly think that little theater piece

is a better career move than this.

Look, I want to work, okay? I really want to work.

I want to be the lead on a TV show, obviously.

But I am trying to do something real,

and that was not it.

That was revenge porn.

Well, let us know how big the paycheck is on your play.

You know, maybe this isn't a good fit.

Uh...

Hey, Sally. Okay, Sally.

All right, Barry.

Somehow, you now have an audition for a major feature.

-Movie. -Same process.

Now, they didn't send the whole script.

They only sent your scenes.

We're gonna have to do a little detective work,

and from what I can gather, here's the journey.

-J.T.-- -J.T.'s one of the swim instructors.

Yeah, I had a hunch.

He's very upset in the beginning.

Yeah, 'cause, uh, another swim instructor, Ike, stole his girlfriend.

Oh, dear.

So, Ike has forced the horns of the cuckold upon you,

so your guy seeks revenge by...

shitting in a pie and trying to get him to eat it.

Yeah, that's how I read it.

And then by some cruel twist of irony...

you eat the shit pie.

Yeah, but that's not until scene three, right?

I'm trying not to overwhelm you, Barry.

I'm trying to give you the view from 10,000 feet

before we dive in and break it down scene by scene.

-So, scene one, "Loss." -Mm-hmm.

Scene two, you shit in a pie.

So, uh, relief?

No. I think it's a little more nuanced than that.

I think it's about vengeance.

-Okay. -And then, scene three,

whoopsie, you eat the shit pie.

Comeuppance.

He who seeks revenge digs two graves, Barry.

It's a tale as old as time.

Damn.

And then there's scene four

about the little girl who's drowning,

but you don't have to save her.

Yeah, 'cause I taught her how to swim.

Yeah. And I think you only have one line, which is...

-"No fucking way." -"No fucking way."

So, you know what? Let's save that for later.

Oh, okay.

By the way, when is your audition?

Uh, it is-- I got it right here.

Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. with the casting director, Allison Jones.

(chuckles) No. Ms. Jones will show up when the director's there.

No, it's a director's session. He's there, too.

His name is Jay Roach.

Whose cock did you have to suck in a former life?

All right. All right. All right. Forget it.

I'll be there 9:45 to warm you up.

-Wait. You're gonna come with me? -Absolutely.

Every actor who's got a first audition brings a scene partner.

-Really? -Since Shakespeare.

Come on. Let's get down to work.

Scene one. I just want to hear the words.

I'm dying.

Hey, Ike, you shitbird!

(high-pitched): You want a little pie?

Mr. Cousineau said I should, um,

put a little mustard on "pie" there--

I'm sorry. Can we, um... Can we stop?

-Sure. -For a second.

I just-- I feel like I need to say something, Barry.

-Okay. -This piece that I'm doing for class.

It's exactly what I should be doing.

Yeah, no, and it's great. What you're doing is--

I'm terrified, okay? Because my piece is real.

It's not a character. It's me.

Raw, unapologetic truth with a capital "T."

I mean, all caps, actually. I'm thinking like a writer now.

I mean, this was stuff that I couldn't even talk about without lying.

And here I am, about to strip naked in front of a bunch of strangers

and share something that I am massively ashamed of.

Not literally. I don't believe in nudity unless it drives the story forward.

I'm afraid that they're gonna judge me,

and I'm afraid that Sam's gonna find out

and do something crazy.

But I have to do this.

It's-- it's my story to tell.

But then, I mean, so many other women have the same story.

What, am I a spokesperson for them now?

Could I be the face of a movement?

I mean, what if I get it wrong?

I mean, I resent the fact that Nick can get up there

and talk about his "stomach condition,"

and it's not like he has to be the poster boy for bulimia.

But I get up there, and whatever I say, it's like,

"What are we saying about women?"

I mean, this is just my story!

"But what if you get it wrong, Sally?"

"I don't know." "You can't get it wrong, Sally.

But you can't not tell it either, Sally, because it's who you are."

Which makes this thing that my agents sent me on today so fucking insulting.

Payback Ladies?

It's just another shit male idea of what strong women are.

Oh, oh, oh, grab a gun and some stilettos

and get a goddamn blowout.

"And look how strong you are now, Sally!"

It's bullshit! Which, by the way, so is this.

It's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever read.

But you want to know the worst part?

You want to know what's really driving me fucking crazy?

I am so jealous that you're reading for this.

I have never had a director's session for a feature,

which is the same thing as a movie, P.S.

And I have been doing this for way longer,

and I think you'd agree that I am way better.

I... made you!

And I'm actually represented by Gersh.

Well, at least I was. I don't even know if they'd rep me anymore

after what I said in there today, but still at least I held my ground,

because I am an artist, okay, an artist, and this is not fucking art.

But then, I mean, to be honest, of course I'm so happy for you.

I mean, of course I want you to get this part,

and I want to be the one to help you

learn your lines and fix your inflections.

But I need you to know that if you do get it,

it's gonna make me like...

like a hundred times more insane.

Okay?

(sighs)

Continue.

(pages rustling)

Hey, Ike, you shitbird. You want a little pie?

(bus thumps)

(man shouts in foreign language)

Guys? Guys!

(indistinct shouting)

♪ ♪

(front door opens)

(back door opens)

Noho Hank: What are they doing?

(monks chatting indistinctly)

-(footsteps thumping) -(gasoline splashing)

Noho Hank: Okay, shit. Yeah, gasoline.

Okay, they're gonna burn us. Fuck.

Oh, boy. All right, this is it.

Yeah, this is it. I've killed us all.

Okay, um, hey, guys?

Since we're all about to die in a moment,

I have to be honest about something, okay?

I have been deceiving you guys.

And before we die,

-I have to come clean. -(grunting)

I know you look at me and you see hard-as-nails criminal,

stone-cold killer, ice man.

But, uh, this is lie.

In fact, I have been lying about who I am my entire life.

Real talk? I should not be manager of crime syndicate.

I should be manager of hotel...

-chain of hotels. -(men grunting)

Instead of being this conning man,

playing the role of the ruthless gangster.

I mean, that is not who I am, because...

-(continues indistinctly) -(guard grunts)

NoHo Hank: ...so be it.

I'm nice. I'm polite.

I'm optometrist by nature, you know?

But because I did not have courage to stand up

and be my true self, nice guy,

and instead chose pants-on-fire existence,

we are all on the barbecue bus.

So, guys, I am really sorry

for, uh, convincing you I was ruthless leader.

I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Probably two more minutes.

So, in closing, hopefully there is afterlife,

and I can host you all in heaven

and make you delicious appetizers.

Wouldn't that be something, guys?

Guys?

Guys!

-(automatic gunfire) -(indistinct shouting)

(Esther shouting in Burmese)

-(indistinct shouting) -(gunfire continuing)

-(bullets ricocheting) -(glass shattering)

(flames whooshing)

-(coughs) -(footsteps thudding)

(man grunting)

(man screaming)

Guys? Esther is leaving!

Also, really need your help here.

Please!

(coughing)

-Mayrbek! (coughing) -Aah! (shouting)

NoHo Hank (choking, coughing): Mayrbek...

♪ ♪

(coughing)

(flames whooshing, crackling)

(coughing)

Okay, guys.

(sighs) Looks like we did it, huh?

He helped. Go team!

Akhmal, how you doing, buddy?

-How's the, uh, arm? -(man grunts)

-Both arms? -(Akhmal groans)

-Khazam, well, well, well. -(accordion wheezes)

The musical traitor. You know what happens to cowards like you?

-(gunshot echoes) -(accordion wheezes)

I was getting to that, man.

Okay, seriously, I was right about to do that.

-Okay, guys, so-- -(Mayrbek speaks Chechen)

-(men muttering) -Guys...

Wait, hold phone. Is this about what I said on bus?

Because I was delegating.

Okay? To empower you.

That's what a good leader does.

And, uh, like a good leader,

I'm gonna get us some Ubers.

Once I get to a place with enough bars.

Guys, it's hard to, uh, type and walk.

Lindsay: It's just embarrassing.

That Aaron Ryan thing was a terrible fit for you.

And so lame, by the way.

And, you know, I saw "lead role,"

and I was thinking like an agent, in the worst way.

I-- Honestly, Lindsay, it's okay.

No, it's not.

Sally, I work for you.

I should be supporting your voice.

I want to support artists.

I promise I will be a better agent moving forward.

You still want to represent me?

Yes. And first and foremost, by getting behind this piece.

-(chuckles) -All morning, I've been rolling calls with

casting directors, executives, producers.

I've been working my ass off to fill this audience

with industry professionals.

So, wh--what about Mike and Michael?

I mean, they thought the whole thing was silly.

Yeah, I haven't, like, looped them in yet.

But don't worry about the Mikes. I'll get them on board.

What about the rest of the class?

Because the whole thing was kind of supposed to be, like,

this evening where everyone was gonna tell their stories,

and everybody's been working really hard, and--

I-- You know, I don't-- I don't represent them,

but as far as I'm concerned, if you want them in it,

they're in it.

What do you say?

I say... yes!

(class cheering)

-Oh my God! I gotta get writing! Shit! -Yeah.

-Um, I should show you around the theater. -The theater, so, I'm...

I might have already pulled the trigger

on a different venue.

One of our senior partners is on the board here,

so we managed to pull some strings.

The whole place is yours.

But it's gotta be tomorrow night.

Tomorrow?

(class murmuring)

How many seats is this?

Four hundred.

Wow... wow.

-Hey, you guys wanna see the dressing rooms? -All: Yes! Yes.

-Oh, my God. -(excited chattering)

♪ ♪

(phone buzzing)

Hey, Mr. Cousineau, um,

guys brought their own pies to the audition.

Could you pick me one up on your way over here?

Listen, I am so sorry to leave you in the lurch, but I am not gonna make it.

What do you mean you're not gonna make it? Who's gonna read with me?

I'm headed up to my cabin.

Cabin? Wait, your cabin?

This private detective approached me.

He said he wants to take a look at the area again,

'cause he thinks he can get to the bottom of what happened to Janice.

-Private detective? - Yeah, his name is Kenneth Goulet.

Oh, you know what? Here he is now.

Hold on. He wants to talk to you.

-Barry. -Ah.

Hi. Kenneth Goulet speaking.

♪ ♪

Fuches?

Fuches, don't-- don't do this.

Oh, it's good to talk to you, too, there, Berkman.

Now, you don't-- you don't happen to remember

anything more about the night Ms. Moss disappeared, do you?

Fuches, I'll go back to Cleveland.

I'll-- I'll kill again. I'll do whatever you want to do.

Just please, please. Don't hurt Mr. Cousineau.

Shut up. (chuckles) You think I'm out of moves?

Fuck you, I'm out of moves!

Fuches, please--

Barry Block? You ready?

Jay Roach: So, just one thing before we get going.

Um, how tall are you?

Six-two.

Oh, great.

Jay: Good, good. Okay.

Casting Assistant: I'm gonna read with you, Barry.

"J.T., what's up, boner boy?"

"Hey, Ike."

"Heard you and the junior lifesavers

had a pretty crazy night last night."

-Where'd you get that? -"From Gwyneth.

When she came over to my place last night."

Barry: What?

"Yeah, I'm boning your girlfriend. Later, Homes."

(as Jethro): "J.T. Dudeman, did I just hear that right?

Did Ike say he was boning Gwyneth?"

Yeah, that's what you heard, Jethro.

"Well, forget her. You should just move on,

like you don't give a shit."

Oh, I'm gonna give a shit, all right.

Literally.

Wow, you really...

underplayed that. (chuckles)

It's like you didn't do any of the jokes.

Do you wanna do the second scene?

Wow.

He did not give a fuck.

No.

What's his name again?

Uh, Barry Block. He's-- he's six-two.

♪ ♪

Gene: Well, this is it.

-Come on in. -Ah.

Wow.

Barry Block.

Isn't that the guy I talked to on the phone?

I thought you said his name was Berkman.

-Yeah, well, he changed it. -Oh, he changed it?

Well, nine times out of ten,

a new name means shady character.

No, it's a stage name, Mr. Goulet.

And, uh, he took on a whole new identity with it.

How do you mean?

Look, it might say "drama teacher" on my business card,

but in actuality, I'm more of a therapist,

a father, if you will, to those kids.

And that boy, when I met him?

No direction, nobody in his corner.

He was like a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

But together, we turned that around.

He's got a big audition today.

That's where he was when we spoke to him.

I am so proud of him.

-Want a tour? I'll show you the rest. -No. Let's take a walk.

♪ ♪

(tires squealing)

Gene: You sure you know where you're going?

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

It's down this way.

(engine racing)

It's lovely.

Just lovely... country out here, isn't it?

Gene? Lovely scenery?

Hey, Gene, uh, could you tell me what kind of tree

that would be right over there?

You know, it kind of looks like the same one that's over--

Wait. That couldn't be Janice's car, do you think?

I do.

Well, we gotta-- we gotta come closer.

We gotta-- all right?

We gotta make sure, okay,

that it's her car, okay?

What do you think?

It's her car.

We found her car. Oh, boy.

Okay, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna borrow your phone here.

I'm just gonna step away for a sec, right over there.

I'm gonna call the cops.

(engine racing)

(quietly): I'd like to report the body of Detective Janice Moss.

My name is Gene Cousineau,

and I killed her,

and I just couldn't live with it anymore.

(panting)

If you're okay with it,

I wanna open the trunk.

Good. It's all right. Here we go.

Okay.

Now, you okay, Gene?

(gasps)

Oh...

(cocks gun)

(birds twittering)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Fuches...

I'm coming for you.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS, CONCLUDES) ♪