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1
00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:02,960
So, we'll do
the opening ceremony
2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,080
at the front gate
when the parade ends.
3
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,420
That way,
after they cut the ribbon,
4
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,040
it will be a hu--
Mom,
you ironed my shirt
5
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,830
in a way I can only describe
as "indifferently sloppy."
6
00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:12,420
I look like
a socialist.
7
00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:13,830
Oliver,
I'm a little busy
8
00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,920
planning the Westport
Founder's Day Fair.
9
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,790
You can survive one day
with a less-than-perfect crease.
10
00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:20,170
You don't understand.
11
00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,830
I'm with
Brie Witherspoon now.
12
00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:23,500
She's a cardboard box
heiress.
13
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,790
Ugh.
I need to look my best
at all times!
14
00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:27,710
Or, to put it
in cardboard box terms,
15
00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:30,170
corners sharp, flaps in,
sides tight.
16
00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:31,960
Please shut up.
17
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,920
Sorry.
As I was saying --
18
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,290
[ Clattering ]
Hold on one second!
19
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,120
[ Luthor whines ]
Luthor!
You're killing me!
20
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:42,290
Anna-Kat, it's supposed to
be cool today, so no sandals.
21
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:45,420
I like
going toe-commando.
22
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,120
I'm not letting you
go to school like that.
23
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,670
Put on some socks.
24
00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,380
[ Exhales sharply ]
Okay, sorry. Last interruption.
25
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,960
Mom, can you get
me and the Joshes
26
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,170
free tickets
to the fair?
27
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:55,500
Nope. I lied.
28
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,000
I'll call you back.
29
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,380
The Joshes?
30
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,830
The three boys named Josh
who are constantly in trouble?
31
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:02,620
I don't want you
hanging out with them.
32
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:03,830
Well, that's unfair.
33
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:05,710
Sure, Josh has
gotten into some trouble.
34
00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:06,920
Maybe Josh has, too.
35
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,000
But Josh hasn't.
36
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,920
The best way
not to do something stupid
37
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,420
is to not do
something stupid.
38
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,580
[ Scoffs ]
39
00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:15,000
Greg,
a little help here.
40
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,170
I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Won't do it again.
41
00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:18,500
Greg!
42
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,580
Ah.
43
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,250
I'm a little preoccupied.
44
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:25,420
My re-enactment group not only
promoted me to Captain...
45
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:28,000
Holding for applause.
Getting none. Moving on.
46
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,920
...but also, I've been chosen
to recite the immortal words
47
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,670
of Westport founder Daniel Nash
to open the Fair.
48
00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:35,710
Hmm.
49
00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:37,830
"Though we are weary,
we are not worn.
50
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:39,830
We are bloodied,
but not broken.
51
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,750
Don't fire
unless fired upon,
52
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:45,420
but if they mean to have a war,
let it begin in Westport."
53
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,170
That was terrible.
54
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:49,290
You're a captain now.
Get it together, Otto!
55
00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,670
So, basically, I'm on my own
for all of this -- as usual.
56
00:01:53,670 --> 00:01:54,830
[ Inhales deeply ]
57
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:58,170
Taking care of the kids,
taking care of the house,
58
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:01,420
and not a thank-you
in sight.
59
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,500
I deserve a thank-you.
60
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,830
[ Discordant chord plays ]
61
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,920
I deserve gratitude!
62
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,500
[ Discordant chord plays ]
63
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,380
I deserve applause!
64
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,290
[ Flourish plays ]
65
00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:17,250
Yeah. That's right.
It's a musical.
66
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,380
Deal with it.
67
00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:23,000
♪ Everyone's the star
of their own little show ♪
68
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,170
Juice is warm.
69
00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:27,750
♪ They all get their moment
to shine ♪
70
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:30,330
Who bought
lime shampoo?
71
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:34,500
♪ Everybody basks
in the spotlight's hot glow ♪
72
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:35,790
I think
this has mad cow.
73
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:38,250
♪ They get tons of moments ♪
74
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:41,170
♪ Where's mine? ♪
75
00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:43,330
♪ Mothers cook, and they clean ♪
76
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,500
♪ Run the carpool routine ♪
77
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,790
♪ We work our butts off ♪
78
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:51,750
♪ And do we get paid? ♪
79
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:56,710
♪ Plus, we keep
our husbands happy ♪
80
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,880
Yeah. I mean
that kind of happy.
81
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,880
♪ So when is this town
gonna celebrate me? ♪
82
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,420
♪ With marching and singing
like something from "Glee"? ♪
83
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,380
♪ I want floats, I want bands ♪
84
00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,000
♪ I want streets
lined with stands ♪
85
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,920
♪ I want drum majorettes ♪
86
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,620
♪ I want lots of jazz hands! ♪
87
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,420
♪ I want cheers and confetti ♪
88
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:20,710
♪ As all kinds of fusses
are made ♪
89
00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:24,960
♪ Tell me, where is my ♪
90
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:30,380
♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪
91
00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:35,500
♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪
92
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,710
[ Song ends ]
93
00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:39,670
Mom's in a mood.
94
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,750
♪♪
95
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,960
I just wanted
to soak in the history
96
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,670
to connect with Daniel Nash
so I can do his words justice.
97
00:03:49,670 --> 00:03:53,120
Look, I understand
your passion for Nash.
98
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,670
You know, sometimes, I'll just
come here on the weekends
99
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:56,790
when I don't have
100
00:03:56,790 --> 00:03:59,540
my court-mandated
anger management classes.
101
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,250
There she is!
102
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,920
The actual flag
Nash carried into battle
103
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,460
during the forming
of Westport.
104
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:08,290
You can still see
the blood on it.
105
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,620
The powder burns
when he was shot.
106
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:12,670
And the imprints
from the horseshoes
107
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:15,000
when he was trampled
under the Cavalry charge.
108
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,250
But still he held...
109
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:20,120
proud...and strong.
110
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,830
Oh, it's working.
111
00:04:21,830 --> 00:04:23,830
Hey, I know
it's a lot to ask,
112
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,170
but do you think there's any way
that I could hold the flag
113
00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,920
while I'm delivering
Nash's words?
114
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,210
This is
a priceless artifact.
115
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:33,540
I-I-It's never even
left the glass case.
116
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,540
Of course.
What was I thinking? Stupid!
117
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,710
It's never left the case
118
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,710
because nobody's
ever had the guts to ask.
119
00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:39,710
What's happening?
120
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:40,880
I want you
to take this home,
121
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,710
and I want you
to soak in its history!
122
00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:44,170
Take it home
for realsies?
123
00:04:44,170 --> 00:04:46,000
Yes, Captain Otto.
124
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,330
For realsies.
125
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,960
[ Patriotic music plays ]
126
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,670
I am overwhelmed.
127
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:53,500
I barely have the Founder's Day
Fair under control,
128
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,500
plus keeping up with the kids
and the house
129
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,170
and Greg being no help.
130
00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:59,580
Sometimes it is too much.
131
00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:02,500
Ugh! I can totally relate.
It's the same at my place.
132
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,540
Really?
You get overwhelmed?
133
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:05,790
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
134
00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:07,500
I'm sorry.
I wasn't talking about me.
135
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,170
I was talking about
my nannies.
136
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,380
Those poor women
dealing with raising the kids,
137
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:12,460
taking care of the house --
138
00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:13,710
it is a struggle.
139
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:16,290
See? This is the problem
with Westport.
140
00:05:16,290 --> 00:05:18,790
Moms don't actually do anything
on their own.
141
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,620
They have drivers,
shoppers...
142
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,330
And that is why Westport...
143
00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:24,000
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
...is the best place
in the world.
144
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,920
Oh, yeah.
It is pretty great.
Yeah.
145
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,670
Sure, but not for me.
146
00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:29,620
Well, that's because
you're doing it wrong!
147
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,790
Tell her, Angela.
148
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,880
♪ Look at life
in Westport ♪
149
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,670
♪ Tell me whatcha see ♪
150
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,830
♪ Every lawn is green,
every house, obscene ♪
151
00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,460
♪ Every face
is wrinkle-free ♪
152
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:40,670
Eh...
153
00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:42,670
♪ Don't it all
sound perfect? ♪
No.
154
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,580
♪ Yeah, it does,
don't lie ♪
Yeah.
155
00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:46,000
♪ You can't fight it
or hide it ♪
156
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,460
♪ So, hey, why try? ♪
157
00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:48,750
♪ Why try? ♪
158
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:50,540
♪ Just pop a couple Xanax ♪
159
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,420
Two.
160
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:53,080
♪ Let your worries fade ♪
161
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,080
♪ When life
gives you lululemons ♪
162
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,170
♪ Have some lululemonade ♪
163
00:05:58,170 --> 00:06:00,290
♪ Just kick back
and relax ♪
164
00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,380
♪ That's the Westport way ♪
165
00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:04,750
♪ Have the help
bring you snacks ♪
166
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,000
♪ On a Westport tray ♪
[ Gasps ]
167
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,420
♪ Hit the gym ♪
♪ Get a tan ♪
168
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:09,880
♪ Do a tennis pro ♪
169
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,170
♪ The world is your oyster
once you go full Westport ♪
170
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,120
♪ You gotta go
full Westport ♪
171
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,170
♪ Go full Westport ♪
172
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:18,380
You're right.
173
00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:20,290
If no one appreciates
anything that I do...
174
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,750
"If"?
...then I will do things
that I appreciate.
175
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:23,920
Welcome
to the neighborhood!
176
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,080
Finally.
177
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,290
♪ Sleepin' in on weekdays ♪
178
00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:27,250
♪ Always ♪
179
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,000
♪ Ditchin' work, as well ♪
180
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,380
♪ Oh, well ♪
181
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,790
♪ The whole carpool schedule ♪
182
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:31,790
♪ Can go to ♪
183
00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:33,500
♪ Wherever carpools go ♪
184
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,830
♪ Your kids
take you for granted ♪
Yep!
185
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,880
♪ Let's face it,
no one cares ♪
No!
186
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,790
♪ And that's why
God made nannies ♪
187
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:40,790
♪ Butlers ♪
♪ Tutors ♪
188
00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:41,920
♪ And au pairs ♪
189
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,830
♪ Go do lunch and then chill ♪
190
00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:46,000
♪ That's the Westport style ♪
191
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,210
♪ When you sign for the bill ♪
192
00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,670
♪ Smile a Westport smile ♪
193
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:51,880
♪ Hit the spa ♪
♪ And Pilates ♪
194
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,330
♪ And the nail salon ♪
195
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,500
♪ You'll stop feeling guilty
once you've gone full Westport ♪
196
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,830
♪ So why not go
full Westport? ♪
197
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:00,830
♪ Go full Westport ♪
198
00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:02,040
[ Rapping ]
♪ Is the best port ♪
199
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,210
♪ It's the
juice-organically-pressed-port ♪
200
00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:06,330
♪ Westport,
it's the best port ♪
201
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:08,210
♪ It's the
look-amazing-undressed-port ♪
202
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,540
♪ It's the
latest-handbag-obsessed-port ♪
203
00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:12,920
♪ It's the everyone-
genetically-blessed-port ♪
204
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,290
♪ It's a hot-yoga, paleo,
never-ending fashion show ♪
205
00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:16,960
♪ Why-would-anybody-
be-stressed-port? ♪
206
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,790
♪ Give up and give in ♪
207
00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:21,000
♪ To the Westport life ♪
208
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,170
♪ Self-indulge, take the win ♪
209
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,790
♪ Like a Westport wife ♪
♪ Ohhhhh ♪
210
00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:28,040
♪ Why waste another minute
being discontent? ♪
211
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,000
♪ You'll look back
and wonder why you never went ♪
212
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:30,670
♪ Full Westport ♪
213
00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:31,670
♪ Westport ♪
214
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:32,620
♪ It's time to go
full Westport ♪
215
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:33,920
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
216
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,790
♪ Go full Westport ♪
217
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:37,170
So?
That's it.
218
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,250
I'm gonna do it.
219
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,040
♪ Go full Westport ♪
220
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,380
And by "do it,"
I mean "do nothing"!
221
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,120
♪ Go full Westport ♪
222
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,830
♪ Westport, Westport, Westport ♪
223
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:47,580
♪ It's time to go
full Westport ♪
224
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,210
It's the best port.
It's the best port.
225
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,670
Gather up.
[ Door closes ]
226
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:54,500
I do everything around here,
with no appreciation.
227
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,790
So from now on,
we are going to have
228
00:07:56,790 --> 00:08:00,330
nannies, housekeepers,
and drivers take care of it all.
229
00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:01,330
Really?
230
00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:02,210
Yeah.
231
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,330
Nanny.
[ Discordant chord ]
232
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,500
Housekeeper.
[ Discordant chord ]
233
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,670
Driver.
[ Discordant chord ]
234
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,170
As of now,
you're all on your own.
235
00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,170
[ Barks ]
236
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,500
You're right, Luthor.
237
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,210
It's gonna be a disaster.
238
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:12,330
I think
he's just hungry.
239
00:08:12,330 --> 00:08:14,000
He said it was gonna be
a disaster!
240
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,880
♪♪
241
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,830
♪♪
242
00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:23,880
Hey, guys.
243
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,000
[ Chuckling ] Wow!
244
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,170
Look at your clothes.
245
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,170
They're all crumpled up
like the $100 bills
246
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,120
I find between the seat cushions
in my couch.
247
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,330
Our mom has gone
completely AWOL.
248
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,710
What's her deal?
249
00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,620
If you want appreciation,
don't be a mom.
250
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:37,920
Let's just say
"thank you"
251
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,670
and go back
to her doing stuff for us.
252
00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,620
I...suppose you could,
253
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,040
but as a kid who almost
never sees his parents
254
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,830
'cause they're
always traveling,
255
00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:48,580
there are benefits
to life without parents.
256
00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:51,500
Can you communicate those
in an interesting way?
257
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,000
♪ Imagine no one
in your face ♪
258
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,460
That is interesting.
259
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:58,210
♪ Nobody all up
in your biz ♪
260
00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,330
Huh.
261
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:02,790
♪ No one decidin'
how you walk or eat ♪
262
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:06,080
♪ Just think
how sweet it is ♪
263
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,540
Keep talking.
264
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,750
♪ Nobody
steppin' on your game ♪
265
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,460
I'm liking this.
266
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:14,170
♪ No one decidin'
who you see ♪
267
00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:15,500
I'm really liking this.
268
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,620
♪ No one to criticize
your point of view ♪
269
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:22,000
♪ Or tell ya who to be ♪
270
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,540
♪ Your life is not your own ♪
271
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:26,790
♪ But once
they leave you alone ♪
272
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,080
♪ You can do you ♪
273
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,830
♪ Stay out all night
and get some tattoos ♪
274
00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,080
♪ You can do you ♪
275
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,960
♪ Go on and break
those family taboos ♪
276
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,330
♪ Life can be nice
when you got nothin' to lose ♪
277
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:43,080
♪ And once you're free to go
and be whatever you choose ♪
278
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,290
♪ You can do you ♪
279
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,000
[ Laughter ]
280
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,290
Let me
get this straight.
281
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:48,960
If we can just
get rid of our parents...
282
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,290
The sky's the limit.
283
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,670
♪ Imagine
wearing what I want ♪
284
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,880
♪ You can wear
anything you want ♪
285
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,620
♪ Nobody screenin'
every call ♪
286
00:09:57,620 --> 00:10:00,000
♪ No one
to screen every call ♪
287
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,460
♪ No one complaining
that if I don't stop ♪
288
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:03,460
♪ Nobody ♪
289
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:06,750
♪ I'll drive her up the wall ♪
290
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,080
♪ You can do you ♪
291
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,620
♪ You can dress exactly like
a hedge fund C.E.O. ♪
292
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:12,040
♪ You can do you ♪
293
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,670
♪ You can blow off school to
hang with every Josh you know ♪
294
00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:16,210
♪ You can do you ♪
295
00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:19,290
♪ You can cruise the hallways
with your toenails out on show ♪
296
00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,540
♪ You can do you ♪
297
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:23,710
♪ And your mother
never has to know ♪
298
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,830
♪ Won't it be nice when no one's
blockin' your flow ♪
299
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,080
♪ Blockin' your flow ♪
300
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,170
♪ And once you're through
with you-know-who ♪
301
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:32,250
♪ Once we're through
with you-know-who ♪
302
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,330
♪ Once you're through
with you-know-who ♪
303
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,000
♪ We'll be good to go ♪
304
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,170
♪ You can do you ♪
305
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,120
[ Laughter ]
306
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,250
I propose
we make a pact.
307
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,790
We'll cook, clean, do laundry,
and pick up after ourselves.
308
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,080
♪ You can do you ♪
309
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,500
The longer we keep Mom
out of our business, the better.
310
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,330
♪ Wait and see what you can be
when you can do you ♪
311
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:59,580
♪♪
312
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:03,040
Virginia ham
and baked potatoes.
313
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,670
You made this?
314
00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:06,330
Pretty amazing
what a kid can do
315
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:08,830
when her toes aren't
being smothered by socks.
316
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:11,040
[ Doorbell rings ]
317
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,670
My perfectly pressed
shirts.
318
00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,540
Turns out,
in Cooper's basement,
319
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:21,330
next to the bowling alley
is a little dry cleaner.
320
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,670
Oliver programmed my phone
321
00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:26,290
to do everything
you would do for me.
322
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:27,580
[ Cellphone chimes ]
323
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:30,500
I just got a notification
to study for a history quiz.
324
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,500
Not gonna do it, but it's nice
to have the option.
325
00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:36,540
Can you believe
how far they'll go
326
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,920
just to keep from showing me
any appreciation?
327
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,330
But just think,
this is what you wanted --
328
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:41,500
to live like
a Westport housewife
329
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,920
with a full staff
of help.
330
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:43,960
And you kind of are.
331
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,170
I mean, watch this.
332
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:46,830
[ Fork clatters ]
333
00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,620
Yeah. I guess
that's kind of cool.
334
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:53,580
Well, I better practice
my Daniel Nash line.
335
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,380
You know, I think the flag
is really helping.
336
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,420
Mm.
337
00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,000
Taylor, honey,
have you seen my flag?
338
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,330
It was
on the side table.
339
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,330
Yeah. It was filthy,
so I threw it in the laundry.
340
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,330
You what?!
341
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,620
I know!
Can you believe it?
342
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,290
I'm doing laundry now!
[ Chuckles ]
343
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:07,290
Here you go.
What...
344
00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:08,500
I even sewed up
the holes.
345
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:09,540
You what?!
346
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:12,670
Taylor, this was
a historical artifact!
347
00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,170
It's the first time
out of the case!
348
00:12:14,170 --> 00:12:16,170
Did you not see where it was
signed by George Washington?!
349
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,540
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
350
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:18,830
It said "Washington"?
351
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:21,620
I thought it said
"Wash a ton," so I did.
352
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:22,710
Like seven times.
353
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,830
Katie: By the day of the
Westport Founder's Day Fair,
354
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,580
I was sure the kids would have
come crawling back to me.
355
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:34,290
But they seemed to be
doing fine on their own.
356
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:35,790
Okay, guys,
time to go.
357
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:37,330
I'm driving,
so we're taking the car.
358
00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:38,670
Oliver: And since
we're on our own,
359
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,380
I will be with Brie
at the fair,
360
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,170
and I don't need you
to embarrass me.
361
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,670
I request
you keep your distance.
362
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:46,580
Imagine there's a 20-foot circle
of kung pao tofu around me.
363
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,380
Why would they ruin kung pao
with tofu?!
364
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:50,620
Exactly.
365
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,920
Oops.
I almost forgot.
366
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,120
My socks.
367
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,620
You're already wearing them,
honey.
368
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:58,040
I know.
369
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,080
There.
That's better.
370
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:05,330
Breathe it in, piggies.
371
00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:06,500
[ Door closes ]
372
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,830
Good news.
373
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,290
I figured out how to get
the flag back to how it was
374
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,710
in time for my speech.
Hmm.
375
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:14,040
I use raw hamburger
for the blood...
Mm-hmm.
376
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,830
...black powder
for the burns...
377
00:13:15,830 --> 00:13:17,460
[ Clatter ]
...and a box
of old horseshoes
378
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,710
I can dump on it
for the stampede.
379
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:19,750
[ Exhales sharply ]
380
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,330
I need the counter.
Okay.
381
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:23,710
It's all yours.
382
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,830
Okay, Captain Otto.
383
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,120
Let's do this thing.
384
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,620
[ Colonial music plays ]
385
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,250
Aah! Ohh! Ah! Ooh!
386
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:33,040
[ Groaning ]
387
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:39,040
♪♪
388
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,120
[ Screaming ]
389
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,670
[ Straining ] Horseshoes,
you're supposed to be lucky!
390
00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:44,670
[ Groans ]
391
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:50,670
♪♪
392
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:56,830
♪♪
393
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,330
Oh, [bleep]!
394
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,460
Aah! Aah!
395
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,500
Ugh!
396
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,080
Aah!
397
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,080
[ Blows ]
398
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,330
Aaaaaah!
399
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:09,330
Gaaaah!
400
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,420
[ Indistinct conversations ]
401
00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:15,830
Okay, the parade
is officially over.
402
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:18,040
Time to cut the ribbon
and open the gates.
403
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,620
Anybody need anything
from me?
404
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:21,750
Man:
No, we don't need you.
405
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:22,750
Man #2:
I'm fine here.
406
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:23,830
Woman:
Everything's good.
407
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,330
Man #3:
Nothing from me.
408
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:26,670
Man #4:
You're not needed.
409
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,420
Roger.
410
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,170
Could've done without that.
411
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,290
Greg: Excuse me.
Excuse me.
412
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:33,290
[ Groans ]
413
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,830
Good Lord, Greg,
what happened?
414
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,040
[ Groans ]
415
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,120
Excuse me.
416
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,330
Excuse me.
417
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:39,830
Captain Otto.
418
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:41,540
I love
the Daniel Nash limp.
419
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,670
Wh-- And you smell
of burnt hair!
420
00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,920
Wow! I'd like to
shake your hand!
Ow! [ Groans ]
421
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:46,960
Whoa.
422
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,880
Step aside, Vin Diesel.
423
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,790
You are now the greatest actor
I have ever met.
424
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,290
[ Groans ]
425
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:55,620
Attention, everyone!
426
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,500
[ Stirring music plays ]
427
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,830
"Though we are weary,
we are not worn.
428
00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:06,330
We are bloodied,
but not broken."
429
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,710
♪♪
430
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:12,000
"Do not fire
unless fired upon..."
431
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,670
Mm-hmm.
432
00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:16,290
"...but if they mean
to have a war,
433
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,830
let it begin in Westport!"
434
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,830
[ Cheers and applause ]
435
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:26,830
♪♪
436
00:15:27,670 --> 00:15:33,040
♪♪
437
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,920
[ Cheers and applause ]
438
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,460
[ Groans ]
439
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,290
[ Indistinct talking ]
440
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:44,330
♪♪
441
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,380
Okay.
It's showtime.
442
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,960
So, what are we doing,
Joshes?
443
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,880
I just bought a bunch of gooey,
hot, fried cheese balls.
444
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,210
Cool!
445
00:15:53,210 --> 00:15:54,830
When the next person comes out
of that Porta Potty...
446
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:55,830
Bam!
447
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,000
...we fire away.
448
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,170
[ Laughs ] Classic.
449
00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,330
But won't that hurt?
450
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:00,620
That's what's funny!
[ Laughs ]
451
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,290
Oh! Okay, quick, load up.
People are coming out.
452
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,500
Here.
453
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,170
Katie: [ Echoing ]
Don't do this, Taylor.
454
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:06,330
People could get burned!
455
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,670
♪♪
456
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,500
[ Chuckling ] Oh,
this is gonna be crazy-funny.
457
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,500
The best way
not to do something stupid
458
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,000
is to not do something stupid.
459
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,120
[ Sighs ]
460
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,960
Josh, Josh, Josh.
461
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,040
Hold up.
462
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,250
I think
this is a bad idea.
463
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,500
What are you
talking about?
464
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,830
We're throwing
cheese balls, man.
465
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,120
[ Chuckling ]
Yeah.
Guys, don't!
466
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,080
♪♪
467
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,580
[ Exhales sharply ]
468
00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:30,830
It's...so good
that you stopped us.
469
00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:32,670
We would've been
so busted.
470
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,170
Oh, my God.
My mom was right.
471
00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:36,500
That's right.
I was right.
472
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:42,500
♪♪
473
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,080
Wonderful speech,
Captain Otto.
474
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,210
W-- Thank you!
475
00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:47,000
I think I really
connected people to history.
476
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,000
Maybe next year,
I'll shoot you in the head.
477
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,170
You can be Lincoln.
478
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,670
What's wrong with you?
479
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:52,790
Sorry.
480
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:54,960
I just wanted
a little appreciation.
481
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,170
But instead,
I started a revolution.
482
00:16:57,170 --> 00:17:00,290
And now they don't
need me anymore.
483
00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,330
[ Sighs ]
484
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,710
I still need you.
485
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:05,000
Look what happened when I tried
to handle things myself.
486
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,670
I was stabbed, burned,
and trampled by horseshoes.
487
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,620
[ Shivering ]
488
00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,080
Give me a second.
489
00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:18,000
So cold.
490
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,420
Here you go, honey.
491
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:22,080
Socks! Yes!
492
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,080
Thank you.
493
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,580
[ Uplifting music plays ]
494
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,330
[ Girls laugh ]
495
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,500
Oliver.
496
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,210
Mom!
Kung pao tofu!
497
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,960
You have got mustard
on your shirt.
498
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:33,960
Oh, no!
499
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,830
Just hold still.
Brie's coming.
500
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:38,120
♪♪
501
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,830
There you go.
Good as new.
502
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:42,960
Thank you, Mom.
503
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,000
Young woman:
Guys, come on! Let's go!
504
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,670
[ Inhales deeply ]
505
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,750
[ Sighs ]
506
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:51,250
♪♪
507
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,080
Mom!
508
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:54,750
You were right.
509
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:55,790
Thank you.
510
00:17:55,790 --> 00:17:57,670
[ Chuckles ]
511
00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,830
♪♪
512
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,250
♪ Two little words ♪
513
00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:05,170
♪ Those two little words ♪
514
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:10,710
♪ And all my frustrations
just fade ♪
515
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,040
♪ It's better than chocolate ♪
516
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,420
♪ Not quite as good as sex ♪
517
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:21,420
♪ But it feels like my personal
Founder's Day parade ♪
518
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,750
♪ It's like ♪
519
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:32,210
♪ Being at a carnival
and riding every ride ♪
520
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:36,540
♪ That rush of pure adrenaline
when bumper cars collide ♪
521
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:40,790
♪ The rapture when you realize
that all the food is fried ♪
522
00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:44,080
♪ All from two little words ♪
523
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,290
♪ It's that
roller-coaster feeling ♪
524
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,500
♪ Like you gotta
scream out loud ♪
525
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:52,290
♪ Or burying your face
inside a cotton-candy cloud ♪
526
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:55,330
♪ Or chowing on a corn dog
that's extremely well-endowed ♪
527
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:56,330
[ Whistle! ]
528
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:59,620
♪ All from two little words ♪
529
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:03,500
♪ The cooking, the cleaning,
the laundry every day ♪
530
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,330
♪ The whining, the tantrums,
the flu ♪
531
00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:11,170
♪ Somehow, it's worth it
the moment that they say ♪
532
00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:14,880
♪ One little "thank,"
then one little "you" ♪
533
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,290
♪ It's like ♪
534
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:21,960
♪ Being in the spotlight
in a glitzy Broadway show ♪
535
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,920
♪ And basking in applause
like a beloved Broadway pro ♪
536
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,670
♪ It's like a standing "O"
crossed with the other kind of ♪
537
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,290
[ High-pitched ] "O"!
538
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:36,750
[ Normal voice ] ♪ It's a wow
and a hoot and a scream ♪
539
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,620
♪ It's a fantasy
crossed with a dream ♪
540
00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:43,380
♪ And I guess
it could very well seem ♪
541
00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:47,290
♪ Like a sign
of my low self-esteem ♪
542
00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,670
♪ But I'm throbbing
with thanks ♪
543
00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:53,580
♪ From my head to my SPANX ♪
544
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:58,620
♪ And it's due to two little ♪
545
00:19:58,620 --> 00:19:59,290
♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
546
00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:03,330
♪ Throbbing with thanks
from her head to her SPANX ♪
547
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:07,920
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ahhhh ♪
♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
548
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,500
[ Song ends ]
549
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,000
[ Panting ]
550
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,170
[ Indistinct conversations,
laughter ]
551
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,790
Let's go home.
552
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,790
Anna-Kat: That's the game
that I won the unicorn at.
Greg: Oh, that one?
553
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:27,380
Katie:
♪ And it's due to two little ♪
554
00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:30,540
♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
555
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,080
Try the mark.
556
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,210
I don't know what I'm doing.
557
00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:38,170
I've never dealt with a pony
in my life.
558
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,790
[ Shouting, laughter ]
559
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:42,330
Any notes?
560
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,330
So that means "many."
561
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,670
Line?
562
00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:49,830
No, I'll just look at the paper.
I don't have an assistant.
563
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,290
[ Laughter ]
564
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:52,500
Hold on.
565
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,790
Why am I acting like --
like a --
566
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:55,790
Somebody!
567
00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:57,670
Okay, well,
why don't we just, um...
568
00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:58,960
Woman: We're rolling.
569
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,000
...give some cigars
to everybody, some booze...
570
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,040
Man: Yeah!
Man #2: Yeah!
571
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,210
...and party on down?
572
00:21:03,210 --> 00:21:04,960
We'll take a little while.
573
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,290
"G" to the gizzay,
"H" to the hizzo.
574
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,670
[ Laughter ]
575
00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:10,960
Angela:
♪ On a Westport tray ♪
576
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,330
♪ It's the -- ♪
Whaa!
577
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:18,330
♪♪
578
00:21:21,670 --> 00:21:22,710
Man: Cut!
40559
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