All language subtitles for Agatha Raisin s02e03 The Curious Curate.eng

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Mm.

[LIQUID BOILING]

[SIGHS]

I'm Roy Silver.
Great to meet you.

I'm Dan Waters, C.E.O.

Great to meet you, too, Roy.

I'm just gonna go for a wee.

As C.E.O. of this company,

I should see
that whoever gets this job,

it will not be the prat that
took a pee break mid-interview.

[BABY VOICE]
Isn't that right, Hodge?

Isn't this
a tiny bit ridiculous?

It's a FaceTime interview.
We need to practice on FaceTime.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES,
HODGE PURRING]

Can't we practice later, Ags?

I've got to, um... go to church.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Thanks for coming.

- Morning, ladies.
- Trissy, darling,

Peggy brings
her finest dandelion Chardonnay.

And hot from my test kitchen,
raspberry and kale.

- [ORGAN PLAYING]
- Wow.

Uh, Liz, your ingenuity
knows no bounds. Thanks.

SARAH: Oh, ladies, please.

This is Sunday service,
not a pop concert.

My sermon today

is focused
on what the Lord tells us

about the nature
of enduring love.

Since when did a miserable
sinner like you get religion?

The new curate's take
on God-type stuff

really makes sense to me
spiritually.

Plus, he is fit A.F.

But whatever times we live in...

- Freddie. Off.
- TRISTAN: ...unconditional love,

love that lasts,

still requires sacrifice.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Sorry.

- Agatha?
- Charles.

TRISTAN:
To quote John 15:13...

Don't tell me you're in love
with the new curate, as well.

Me? Oh, pff!

Absolutely not.
Not remotely interested

- in a smoking-hot vicar.
- CHARLES: [CHUCKLES]

"...to lay down one's life
for one's friends."

Let us pray.

We pray for the success

of the approaching
Carsely charity duck race.

We pray
for the continued success

of Reverend Bloxby's
missionary work in Nigeria

and his safe return home soon.

Not too soon, I hope.

Yes, we're fine with Tristan.

- Thanks, God.
- SARAH: Shh!

And we pray also
for Mrs. Sarah Bloxby

and her Aunt Elizabeth, who died
last week at the age of 91.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, Tristan.

- Thank you.
- Lovely service.

Bill's got a new girlfriend.

- Gemma will be gutted.
- I wouldn't worry about it.

It will be over by the time
she gets back from Ibiza.

His scary mum always scares
his girlfriends off.

[GASPS]

James Lacey.

And bang on cue, I feel that
strange mix of [BREATHES DEEPLY]

really excited
and, yet, oh, my God,

- I'm gonna throw up.
- You don't have to talk to him.

AGATHA: I can't ignore him
forever, can I, Roy?

You haven't.
By my count,

you've ignored him
for about 45 seconds.

Uh, no, Freddie.

Roy Silver.

Non-believer.

But I have a feeling
I can convert you.

Sorry.
I mean, you can convert me.

Well, here we are again.

At the church,
where you dumped me.

Really?

Yes.

Bit of a cheap shot.
Sorry.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Um...

Look, I was wondering
if, uh, maybe...

Should we go out for dinner?

- Why?
- Uh...

[SIGHS]
Oh, I don't know.

I just... I thought
maybe just process our emotions,

talk about you and me.

Is there a "you and me"?

I thought
there was just a you and him.

Him? Who's him?

JAMES: I'm not blind, Agatha.
I can see what's happened.

I don't need to process my
emotions, whatever that means.

Let's just get on
with our lives, shall we?

- No.
- WILKES: Denzel Wilkes.

Yes, yes.
I know who you are.

Yeah, I know you know.

But, today, I stand before you

not as Detective Chief Inspector
Denzel Wilkes,

Cotswolds crime fighter,
but as plain citizen Wilkes,

standing for election as
chairman of the parish council.

I hope
I can count on your support.

James.

Perhaps we ought...

Do you think
we should talk about Cyprus?

- Talk? Why?
- Because...

In case there was anything
that you needed to share.

Why is everyone processing
and sharing all of a sudden?

This is Carsely, not California.

[SCOFFS]

Fair enough.

Have it your way, Lacey.

- How was that?
- Oh, depressing.

You know what? I think James
and I need to put a little bit

of space between us,
like, for example, Wiltshire.

Please, Roy,
let's get drunk tonight.

Oh, I've got my interview
tonight, remember?

AGATHA: [SIGHS]

Your young curate seems to have,
uh, quite the following.

Yeah.
Well, I'm not a member.

And if you're
any friend of mine,

- you won't be joining either.
- Ooh.

- What's got into her?
- Hmm. Let's think.

Huge congregation,
collection plates overflowing.

Could it be that Tristan
is whipping her husband's ass?

Mm, no.

Sarah's not like that.

Who's that little minx?

ROY: Don't know, but she's
wasting her time with Tristan,

- because he is gay.
- Yeah, you hope he is.

Roy's gaydar never lies.

Apart from that one time
it did lie,

but I did apologize to
all three guardsmen profusely.

TRISTAN: Uh, Mrs. Bloxby.

- Mrs. Bloxby.
- [SIGHS]

I, um...

I just wanted to say how sorry
I was to hear about your aunt.

Oh, well,
thank you for your concern.

My poor aunt is a reminder

that you cannot buy happiness
or good health.

Her passing
was a blessed release.

I'm sensing some tension
between us.

Can I make you supper tonight
just to clear the air?

AGATHA: A desperate need
not to be alone tonight

means that I must accept
your invitation to dinner.

I haven't invited you to dinner.

Well, if you're going to be
pedantic about it...

How does 8:30 sound?

Sounds perfect.

But as friends, Charlie Boy,
like we agreed.

Just two friends having dinner,

where, for once,
I am not the dessert.

Okay. I can do that.

Good.

Probably.

- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.

Mm.

- Manly hug.
- Mm.

With no wandering hands.

Hi.
I'm so glad you could make it.

I'm not one of your groupies.

Uh... uh, right.

Of course, yes.

You... Yep.

This way.

Thank you very much, old chum.

- We're through here.
- [CHUCKLES]

[SOFT JAZZ PLAYS]

Ooh!

Is this actually
the friend zone?

Or is it maybe
the friends-with-benefits zone?

[SWITCH CLICKS]

Better.

[RECORD SCRATCHES,
MUSIC STOPS]

There we go.

[BLOWS]

[GLASSES CLINK]

Cheers.

TRISTAN: Glass of wine?

No, thank you.

Reverend Bloxby and I
choose not to drink on Sundays.

Uh... of course.
[CHUCKLES]

I probably shouldn't either,
but...

Uh, Mrs. Bloxby,

I owe you an apology.

My curacy in Bristol
wasn't a very happy one.

I didn't know that.

I'd given up a pretty successful
career in banking

to put my heart and soul

into helping
some of my poorest parishioners,

and one night, I was...
pretty badly beaten up

by some of the same young men
that I'd been trying to help.

And I was lost.

Demoralized.

And then coming here
to the parish

that you and your husband
built up...

to be embraced so warmly
by your congregation...

I think I let it go to my head.

I'm really sorry.

[CHUCKLES]

Apology accepted.

But only if you'll accept mine
for being so ungenerous.

TRISTAN: [CHUCKLES]

You know, I think I'll have
that glass of wine after all.

[LIQUID POURING]

You know, I was wondering...

would it help to talk
a little bit about your aunt?

You know your problem?

You don't know
how to be friends with a woman.

If sex is off the menu, you have
absolutely nothing to say.

[SCOFFS]
That's not entirely fair.

You just haven't given me
the chance, that's all.

Oh!

I see. Okay.

Well...

I'm giving you the chance
right now.

[CHUCKLES]

- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- [GASPS]

[TAPPING FINGERS]

Ah.

Uh...

[SIGHS]

I wonder who will win Wimbledon.

Smartphones are very good,

- aren't they?
- Okay, I'm leaving.

Agatha.

[ENGINE STARTS]

I was sad to lose her.

Of course.

Yeah, I was
her only surviving relative.

Ah.

So I'm guessing
that means you have

to handle her estate
all on your own.

That is tough.

Yeah, I'm dreading it.

Mrs. Bloxby...

Oh, call me Sarah.

Sarah, if you want some advice
investing your aunt's money,

I do still know about finance.

- Well, that's very kind of you.
- It would be my pleasure.

SARAH:
Well, the solicitor says

that with death duties
and legal bills,

there'll be next to nothing
left, and anything that is left

is going
to The Donkey Sanctuary, so...

- What a pity.
- SARAH: Mm.

[CELLPHONE BUZZES]

Excuse me.

It's a, uh, parishioner.

Hi.

Of course, yeah.

Just give me a moment.

Yeah.

Sarah?

- I can explain.
- Oh!

- Sarah.
- No, don't "Sarah" me.

You're a traitor.

Now, when were
you gonna tell me?

The bishop told me not to.

This parish is our home!

It is
everything we've worked for,

and you've just stolen it
from us!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

[FLOORBOARDS CREAKING]

Well...

fancy meeting you here.

Morning.

- How was the interview?
- Smashed it.

But, Aggie, if I get this job,
I'm gonna have to, um...

- You're gonna have to... what?
- [SIRENS WAILING]

- I'm gonna have to...
- [WAILING CONTINUES]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

James.

What... Are you...

Has something happened to Sarah?

[GASPS]

Police business.
Coming through, coming through.

Sarah.

This way.

Sarah!

Now, you know very well
that Sarah Bloxby

is not capable of murder.

Well, I hope not,
but Tristan Delon

was found murdered in her house
with her knife.

And she tells me they had dinner
last night... alone.

Come on. You're not
suggesting that she...

That she had feelings for him?
Why not?

Half the village
were in love with him.

Tell me about it.

But not Sarah.
She hated him.

When I say "hate,"

I think I meant
that they weren't best mates,

but, basically, she thought
he was a pretty good bloke.

Oh, dear.

Did you see any strangers

hanging around the vicarage
last night?

- [CELLPHONE DINGS]
- No.

Although there was someone
wearing a bright-yellow parka

walking by Tristan's lodgings
as I left.

Mm.
I've got a campaign meeting.

I'll be back later.

Goodbye, Mrs. Bloxby.

And, remember, if I'm elected,
I promise you this...

and I promise it
from the heart...

I will represent your interests,

whether you're in prison
for murder or not.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

We found this letter
in Tristan's rubbish bin.

Do you know anything about it?

I've got to find out
who killed Tristan Delon

and clear her name.

Right, let's go back to mine,
and we will review the evidence.

Agatha, can I have a word in...

Private?

I can't hear a thing.

Much as I care about Sarah
and much as I'd like to help,

I don't think we'd make a great
team at the moment, so...

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

this time, you're gonna have
to go it alone.

Yes, yes.
You're right.

We... Yep.

CHARLES: Agatha.

I got your text.

How can I help?

[SIGHS]

Bill says that Tristan
approached the bishop

and suggested he replace Jez
as vicar, and the bishop agreed.

So Sarah had a motive.

AGATHA:
She had a big motive.

She was gonna lose everything.

Okay. Roy is running this
case conference in the campaign

to prove that Sarah Bloxby
did not kill Tristan Delon.

Item 1... This photo from
the Carsely parish magazine,

slightly undermined by Sarah
looking like a serial killer.

That's better.

So, who are these ladies,

or, as I like to call them,
murder suspects?

On the left, Peggy Slither.

Right, Liz Jellop.

No, no, no, no, no.
The caption's wrong.

That's Liz Jellop on the left
and Peggy Slither on the right.

From now on...

Mrs. Boggle does not get
to do the captions.

Liz Jellop I know
from Ladies Society meetings.

She's a millionaire, single.

Started Jellop's Jams
in her kitchen,

and out of nowhere,
it became incredibly successful.

Word is that she is standing
for chairperson

of the local parish council.

That's Peggy Slither
on the right.

She lives over in Ancombe.

Widower
and Liz Jellop's best friend.

But, listen, should
we not be concentrating more

on Tristan's enemies and not
just his adoring female fans?

What about
his adoring male fans?

- Sorry?
- Oh, Roy thinks

Tristan may have been gay.

Male or female, who else
would want Tristan dead,

apart from Sarah Bloxby?

Bill said
Tristan had mentioned to Sarah

that he'd been badly mugged in
his previous parish, in Bristol,

which is why he took
the job here.

- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]

- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- WILKES: Right.

Come to make sure
you don't start meddling about

in my investigation... again.

Detective Constable,
warn her off.

Oh, Sir Charles!

Well, I'm glad to see you here,
actually.

I was hoping to have a word with
you with my, uh... other hat on.

Yeah.
No doubt you're aware

of the impending elections
for the parish council.

Now, the patronage of poshos
carry great weight.

Would you do me the honor
of endorsing my candidacy?

- [CHUCKLES] Well...
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, you won't regret it.

Now let's get a picture

- for the voters.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Oh, come on, Bill.

You know we work well together.

Yes, we do.
Absolutely.

But not this time.

It's too personal with Sarah.

WILKES: Exactly.

Stay out of police business.

See you on the campaign trail,
Your Highness.

[GRUNTS]

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [GASPS]

Right, Roy.
We're going to Bristol.

Google "Tristan Delon mugging"

and see which church
he was curate at.

Aggie, I can't be your sidekick
on this one, I'm afraid.

I've just got a second interview
for that job,

- and they're flying me over.
- Over to where?

Swindon.

Swindon?
Well, can you fly to Swindon?

Ah.

Probably just get the train.

CHARLES:
I'll go to Bristol with you.

I want to see
this murderer caught

and an innocent woman
spared a lifetime in prison.

Plus, there's a new cocktail bar
in Clifton I fancy trying.

This is a purely platonic murder
investigation, Charlie Boy.

No flirting.

[DOOR OPENS]

St. Mary's.

That's the church
that Tristan was curate

at the time he was mugged.

Let's go in there,
and we will interview the vicar.

[GASPS]

- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
- [SIGHS]

How did those two duffers
get there before me?

Yes, Tristan was beaten up
by louts

in the youth group that he ran.

But that's all I know.

I can't tell you anything I
haven't already told the police.

So you didn't tell
the police everything.

What? Yes.

I mean no.
I mean, I'm not hiding anything.

Now, I-I think you should go.

Hmm? Mm.

[BELL TOLLING]

- Wait.
- Ooh!

Did you know
that Tristan was gay?

How did you know?

One has instincts.

Or Roy does.

Gay? Maybe.

Certainly bisexual.

There was one man,
a rich businessman,

who showered him with gifts,
took him to fancy places.

But that all finished around
the time Tristan was beaten up.

Can you tell us the name
of this rich businessman?

No.
No, I don't know who he was.

And I shouldn't have said
as much as I have.

Please.

She knows
who that businessman is.

Definitely.

I think the answer to Tristan's
murder lies in Bristol.

AGATHA:
If I have learned anything

from these Carsely crimes,

it's that the answer
generally lies in Carsely.

[GASPS]
Stop the car!

[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]

The white car!

Parked outside the pub.

That is the same car that was
parked outside Tristan's house

the night he was murdered!

Vote Jellop.

- Raspberry and prosecco.
- [GASPS]

- Liz.
- Oh, Agatha.

Just been handing out
free "vote Jellop"

raspberry-and-prosecco jams
in the pub.

Have one.

Please tell me
you're investigating

poor Tristan's murder.

Oh, I've started
investigating already.

Excellent.
Best news I've had all day.

AGATHA: Why was your car
parked outside Tristan's house

- the night he was murdered?
- What?

Uh, it wasn't.

Um, I've... I've got to go.

I saw it myself, Liz.

- What were you up to?
- I... Oh!

See? Told you
the answer lay in Carsely.

Now come on!
Hurry up!

[GASPS]

[BOTH PANTING]

Sorry.

Stitch.

You be careful, Agatha.

Oh, don't worry.
She's harmless.

- [LIZ GRUNTS]
- Aah!

- Oh!
- [JAR SHATTERS]

- [BOTH SCREAM]
- Stop following me!

- [SCREAMS]
- [JAR SHATTERS]

- Aah! Aah!
- Get away from me!

Aah!

Ooh.

[GROANS]

And Tristan had a dinner date
with me that night, as well.

When he didn't turn up,
I went 'round to his house.

And there he was, cozying up
with the vicar's wife.

She's married.

She's very happily married.

There was really nothing
between them.

I knew that.

Or at least "Liz
the Happy Jam Maker" knew that.

But
"Liz the Infatuated Spinster"

thought that every woman he met
would steal him away.

If it makes you feel any better,

Sarah said the only reason
that he was interested in her

was because
of a whole load of money

that she didn't actually have.

LIZ: Oh.

Well, he did make investments
for me.

And then I realized.

He was only interested
in my money.

Did that make you angry?

Have you ever been in love,
Sir Charles?

Well...

You know...

Possibly.

Well, I never had.

In my kitchen,
inventing new jams...

That was all I needed
to be happy...

until I met Tristan.

But, as he said in his last
sermon, love is about sacrifice.

AGATHA: Reverend Grace Lancing
said that he was having

an affair
with a rich businessman.

No! No.

He was flamboyant,

and Grace Lancing
might say that he was gay

because he wouldn't have sex
with her.

But he did have sex with me.

A lot.

[VOICE BREAKING]
There was nothing homosexual

about Tristan Delon.

Liz Jellop,
Reverend Grace Lancing,

and mystery dodgy businessman...

all three of them
in love with Tristan Delon.

All three of them
new murder suspects

who are not called Sarah Bloxby.

- Good day's work.
- BILL: How's my case going?

- No idea.
- I don't know.

BILL:
Of course you wouldn't.

Relax.
I'm not here about that.

I'm here about Sarah.

She's still a suspect,
but we're releasing her.

But, Agatha,
she can't face spending a night

in the vicarage alone.

[DUCKS QUACKING, DOG BARKING]

AGATHA: "Richard Binser."

[SIGHS]

CHARLES: It had to be
the Reverend Grace or Liz Jellop

who put that note
through your door.

AGATHA: Whoa.

It's "Downton Abbey."

CHARLES: Indeed.

So, let's see if Lord Grantham

was having an affair
with the bisexual curate.

- Mm-hmm-hmm!
- [WHISTLES]

AGATHA:
We're here to see Lord Grantham.

Uh... Richard Binser.

We don't have an appointment.

I'm afraid, unless you do,
you won't be able to see him.

I'm Ellen Partle,
his executive assistant.

AGATHA: Well, Ellen Partle,

if you could just tell him
that Agatha Raisin

is here to talk to him
about Tristan Delon,

I suspect we might not need
an appointment.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Sometimes, you just have to play
the local-celebrity card.

Mr. Binser
doesn't know who you are

or what you're talking about.

Would you tell Mr. Binser

that Sir Charles Fraith
is here to see him?

Sometimes, it helps to play
the local-celebrity card.

Oh, hilarious.

New money is always impressed
by old money.

Even when the truth is, old
money has no real money left.

Do sit down.

Mr. Binser will be with you
in a second.

Oh, and just in case you were
thinking of blackmailing him,

I will be recording
your entire conversation.

AGATHA: Mm!

New money not so impressed
by old money

that it doesn't think old money
would stoop to blackmail.

Excuse Ellen's
overprotectiveness, Sir Charles.

If you can't trust an old
Darwinian, who can you trust?

Ah!
So you want to Darwin, too.

Uh, I wish.

No, I'm a Hillstone Grammar man.

- But we played you in rugger.
- Ha! Good show.

I must say, I'm very impressed

with what you've done
to Carsely Manor.

I'm very impressed by what
you've done with Barfield Hall.

Do you think
we could maybe interrupt

this landowners' love-in

just to talk about
what we came here to talk about?

So, were you a friend or...
sorry to be blunt...

a lover
of the late Tristan Delon?

A friend, yes.

But a lover? No.

Can I ask, how did you meet him?

RICHARD: He was raising money
for a youth group

he ran
from his church in Bristol.

Tristan was very charismatic,
persuasive.

Do you have children,
Sir Charles?

No.

Well, none that he knows of.

RICHARD: Tristan felt like
the son I never had.

I gave him �10,000 towards new
premises for his youth group,

took him to dinner a few times,

even bought him clothes.

But, soon, he wanted more.

And more.

I paid a visit
to St. Mary's Church,

and the vicar,
Reverend Grace Lancing.

Reverend Grace said the youth
group met in the church hall.

There were no new premises.

And when I called Tristan,
asking for my money back,

he said
he didn't have it anymore

and wanted even more money

not to tell my wife
we were having an affair.

Sadly for him,
my wife is now my ex-wife

and couldn't care less
who I have an affair with.

Or, in this case,
didn't have an affair with.

AGATHA: [CHUCKLES]

RICHARD: And that was the last
I had to do with Tristan Delon.

I hope that helps.

Oh, I'm sponsoring
the duck race,

so I'm sure I'll see you both
again at the Carsely Hotel.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- CHARLES: I believe him.

Of course you do.

You chaps
played rugger together.

I didn't play rugger, actually.

Oh!
Well, that makes sense.

I played squash.

- Squash?
- Mm.

Haven't played for ages.

I rather miss
a good, hard game of squash.

Just two opponents
up against a wall...

the smell of sweat.

Well, don't look at me.

Our squash-playing days
are over.

Well, that's a shame.

All I'm saying is
that maybe it was his henchmen

that beat Tristan up that time.

Binser made his money in tech.

Computer nerds
don't have henchmen.

He's a red herring.

AGATHA: The truth is,
Tristan was using, two-timing,

and blackmailing every woman
that came under his spell.

Which reminds me...
We need to track down that woman

that Tristan was talking to
after the service.

Which woman?
He was talking to about 12.

The glamour puss.

Ms. Sex on Legs.

Wears Ray-Bans to church

and looks annoyingly younger
than I do.

I didn't see her.

But I'm very much looking
forward to questioning her.

Where do we find her?

I have absolutely no idea.

But for now,
we are going to Ancombe

to talk to Peggy Slither.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[FLAP CLOSES]

[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]

Hi!

BILL:
Spending a lot of time together.

Bristol the other day.

What are you up to?

We're not up to anything,

apart from simply enjoying
each other's company

and getting out of the village
for a bit.

There's a whole world
outside Carsely.

- It's called the Cotswolds.
- WILKES: And for too long,

Carsely has been dominated
by the Cotswolds.

Well, I'm saying "no more."

Uh, freedom for Carsely.

Let's crush the oppressor.

Thanks for that,
Comrade Inspector.

Personally, I'm just here
for a private word with Agatha.

Oh. And I'm just here
for a private word with Charlie.

Too soon for Charlie.

We'll work on that.

I have a new girlfriend
called Alice.

- We're very happy.
- That is very sweet.

But I'm usually more help
with unhappy, cheated upon,

and in love with an emotionally
unavailable commitment-phobe.

I'm not after
relationship advice, thanks.

Especially from...

Anyway, as you know, my mum
is very sweet and lovely.

AGATHA: Did I know that?

Yes, I did know that.

But Alice is very shy
and scared of meeting her.

So I was thinking,
before Alice meets my mum,

just to build up her confidence,
she could meet my surrogate mum.

That's a very good idea.

Who's your surrogate mum?

Well...

[GASPS]

Me?! What?

Am I not more of a surrogate...

slightly older sister?

Yes, that's... exactly
what I thought.

Good.
Glad we're on the same page.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Well, bring her over
for dinner tonight, then.

Thanks. Excuse me.

Hello?

- Mum.
- BILL: Okay.

- His mum.
- BILL: When?

I mean, seriously?

"Vote Wilkes, says squire of
Carsely, lord of the land."

CHARLES: That might be
overdoing it a bit.

WILKES: Eh. [MUTTERING]

I've had 1,000 printed,

so after they've all gone up,
we'll have a rethink.

BILL: Yeah. Thanks.

That was the station.

There was a white Volkswagen
belonging to Liz Jellop

parked outside Tristan's
on the night he was killed.

- Really?
- BOTH: Really?

Tristan also made a date
with Liz Jellop that night,

but he stood her up.

She was in unrequited love
with him.

I knew it.

We didn't know it.

- Or anything else.
- Clueless.

Agatha, Sir Charles,

we don't care how you acquired
any information,

but if you do know something,
please share it now.

Bill. [SIGHS]

We know nothing.
About anything.

But if we find out something

- about anything, then...
- [CELLPHONE RINGS]

...you will certainly be
the first to know.

- Hello?
- PEGGY: Darling?

It's Peggy Slither.

- [GASPS]
- Who's that?

[WHISPERING] Who is it?
It's...

- ...my dentist.
- PEGGY: Agatha?

Teeth need a clean.

PEGGY: I have secret information
about Tristan Delon.

Tell no one and come alone.

[CELLPHONE CLICKS]

[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]

I know she said, "Come alone,"
but would you mind staying here?

Just in case she turns out
to be a psychopath.

Agatha, sweetie!

So lovely to see you!

Have a wine.
It's homemade.

No, really. I'm fine.

- Thank you.
- Oh, never drink alone...

as my mate Liz Jellop
always used to say

before she stopped drinking
and I didn't.

Come on.
Sit down.

- Not there!
- Mm!

My husband died in that chair.

Massive heart attack
right in front of me.

Sorry to hear that.

Don't be.
I hated him.

I waited 10 minutes
before I called the ambulance,

just to make sure he'd croaked.

Oh, the stories I could tell!

If I could remember them.

One for me.

And one for you.

You said you had some secret
information about Tristan Delon.

And I do, my darling.

His real name was Terence Biles.

What do you make of that?

Why would he change his name?

The boy was very ambitious,
as you know.

Didn't think "Bishop Biles"
had a ring to it.

He was right.

Mm.

Oh, don't go.

I made dinner.

Were you in love with Tristan...
Terence?

PEGGY: No.

Oh, I fancied the pants off him,

but I knew
it wouldn't lead anywhere.

Unlike Liz,
my poor deluded best friend.

Women like me and Liz...

or like you, Agatha, sweetie,

we're too old or too female
for Tristan Delon.

Not a psychopath.

Just a lonely lush.

I doubt...

...that she could sober up
long enough to kill anyone.

So, Tristan's real name
was Terence Biles.

- Mm.
- He changed it.

Well, to be fair,
if my name was Biles,

I think I'd change it, too.

[SIGHS]
Am I getting old?

We're all getting old.

It's just that some of us are
getting old faster than others.

- I'm joking.
- [ENGINE STARTS]

I've always thought
you were rather beautiful.

AGATHA: Only "rather"?

How rude.

Hi!

I'm Bill's surrogate
slightly older sister.

Come in.

Ah. This is nice.

Have a seat.

Now, go easy.
She's very shy.

Right.

Would you like a drink, Alice?

[SOFTLY] Mm-hmm.

- What?
- Tonic water, please.

Alice doesn't really
drink alcohol.

So, um, Alice,
what do you do for a living?

Oh, I'm a P.A.
to a managing director in town.

Have been for years.

Mum's gonna love Alice. I don't
know why she's so scared.

I know. Oh!

She's gonna have Alice
for breakfast.

[BELL TOLLING]

Ooh!

- I'm fine.
- You okay?

Mm-hmm.

Sir Charles Fraith, is it not?

- [SIGHS]
- Yes.

Can I ask your opinion
as a gentleman?

Of course.

Too much cleavage for a funeral?

I'm glad you approve.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
there's my husband's grave.

I need to go and dance on it.

Reverend Grace.
Can I just thank you

for putting that little note
through my door?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Why did you lie
about knowing Richard Binser?

And why didn't you tell us

that Tristan had scammed �10,000
from him?

Because I'd already been
indiscreet enough.

And because Richard Binser
is a very powerful man.

Look, I've... I've said nothing
to the police about him.

And, please, I'm begging you...
If they ask,

you heard nothing from me.

So, what happened to the money?

Tristan said
that he no longer had it.

I don't know.

Well, Tristan did have
reckless appetites.

Not just women.
Or men.

Drugs, too.

I mean, I always suspected

he'd blown the money
on cocaine and pills

and the men who mugged him
were actually his dealers.

Mm.

Can I ask you a question
that I have asked

pretty much every other woman
in the Cotswolds?

Mm-hmm.

Were you in love
with Tristan Delon?

No.
But, I mean, I cared about him.

But if I loved him,
it was, well...

like a mother.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

How do you know
the Reverend Grace Lancing?

- What?
- And what were you doing

- sniffing around in Bristol?
- Oh!

Do I need to remind you
that withholding information

is a criminal offense?

[GASPS] Did you go to Bristol
to interview the Reverend Grace?

Answer the question,
or I will arrest you for...

- Obstruction.
- ...obstruction of justice.

Yes, she did.

We both went to visit
Reverend Grace...

and a bunch of other vicars,
to be honest,

but not as part
of the investigation.

We're getting married.

That's what we were doing
in Bristol.

Not breaking the law,
but planning the happiest day

of our lives,
weren't we, darling?

Yes, darling. And I'm
absolutely thrilled about it.

Oh! That's cracking news.
Good for you.

[GASPS]
And good for our campaign.

Family values.

Well, feel free to congratulate
us, Lacey, any time you like.

AGATHA: Married?

Really?
What is this?

Some kind of...
I don't know... weird ploy

to just try and get me into bed?

Which would you prefer... prison
or being pretend-engaged to me?

- Hmm. It's a tough choice.
- Well, I'm sorry.

It's all I could come up with
at the time.

SARAH: Congratulations.

I think.

- Maybe?
- Yes, thank you.

Who... Who is that woman?

SARAH: Oh, uh, Sharon
or Charlotte something.

All I know is she was married
to that millionaire

who bought the huge,
derelict mansion

just outside the village.

- Carsely Manor.
- SARAH: Yeah.

Which makes her...

AGATHA:
Mrs. Binser.

Not anymore, thank God.

I'm Charlotte Bellinge
these days.

I am a private detective

investigating the murder
of Tristan Delon.

How well did you know him?

As well as he would have liked.

I'd recently divorced
when we met.

I was flattered
by his attentions.

[LIZ SOBBING]

Is Tristan's funeral really the
place to discuss such things?

No.
Uh, where could we, uh...

I, uh, do want to ask you
a few more questions.

[SOBBING]
And now he's dead.

[ENGINE STARTS, REVS]

Oh!
Damn it!

[SIGHS]

Uh...

I don't believe for a second

that you're in love
with Sir Charles Fraith.

Well, you are just going to
have to believe it

because it is absolutely true.

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

BILL: She doesn't look much
like a ruthless murderer.

I don't think she is
a ruthless murderer.

Ran a check on her
financial affairs.

The day Tristan died, she found
out she was going bankrupt.

Because of him,
she's lost everything.

We're bringing her in
for questioning.

Oh, not now, Bill.

I mean, she's clearly guilty
of being taken for a fool,

but look, she loved him.

Don't make this day any darker
for her than it already is.

[SCOFFS] I can't keep breaking
the rules just to please you.

Question her tomorrow.

What difference
is it going to make?

Bill.

Bill?

I, um, might have been keeping
something from you and Wilkes.

If you're gonna question anyone
right now,

it should probably
be a businessman

named Richard Binser.

I said I didn't want
to be disturbed.

WILKES:
Richard Binser?

We'd like you to accompany us
to the station

to answer some questions

in connection with the murder
of Tristan Delon.

Ooh, big picture.
I love those big pictures.

When I'm elected, I'm gonna
hang me one of those bad boys

behind my desk at city hall.

Village hall.

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Liz.

LIZ:
Please, Mrs. Bloxby...

Uh, Liz, are you all right?

I need to speak to someone
about what happened.

[SNIFFLES]
To Tristan.

Oh, James.

W-What do you want?

Agatha, I...

Agatha...

CHARLES:
Lacey?

- JAMES: Fraith.
- Now, boys...

What are you doing paying visits
to my fianc�e?

If I want to pay visits
to my ex-fianc�e, I will,

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

Are you fighting over me?
Don't fight over me.

I forbid you to fight over me.

He's not worth it.

You're not worth it.

You're even more not worth it
than I'm not worth it.

No, wait a minute.
I am worth it.

What does Lacey want?

That's a question
I have been asking myself

for quite some time.

[SIGHS]

Oh, more to the point,
what do you want?

Ah, well, um, I thought,
as we were getting engaged,

you should have
an engagement ring.

[BOTH LAUGH]

It was given back to me by one
of my exes after we broke up.

Or, to be more accurate,
thrown in my face.

- How romantic.
- Mm.

Mind you, I think I've got
a few old engagement rings

knocking about the cottage
somewhere.

[BOTH LAUGH]

No!

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Ugh!

Uh, not now, Bill, unless,
of course, you're calling me

to tell me that you've arrested
Richard Binser for murder.

BILL:
That's not why I'm calling you.

Liz Jellop's been murdered.

Drowned in a vat of her own jam.

[SHUDDERING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Sarah's story is that Liz Jellop
rang her distressed.

She went 'round to her house
but found her already dead,

jam everywhere, which is why
she was covered in it.

Well, she's obviously
telling the truth.

I mean, what possible motive

would Sarah have
for killing Liz Jellop?

BILL:
Liz Jellop's support for Tristan

almost resulted
in Jez losing his parish.

Even you have to admit that
she's still a person of interest

in this investigation.

Meanwhile, as a result
of your information,

a respected local businessman

and great mate
of the chief constable

has given us a statement

about his perfectly innocent
friendship with Tristan Delon.

Yeah, I'm sure he has.

Where was he last night?

After he left the station,

Mr. Binser worked late with
his assistant, Ellen Partle.

You know, Binser's mad as hell

about being dragged
into all of this.

And the chief constable's
mad as hell, too.

Well, I'm not scared
of either of them.

Have you met
the chief constable?

She's terrifying, seriously.

AGATHA:
I just wish I hadn't stopped you

taking Liz Jellop in
for questioning.

If I hadn't, she wouldn't have
been at the cottage alone

and she would have been alive.

You can't know that for sure.

You can't blame yourself
for that.

Well, maybe you could
blame yourself a bit.

But now I must address
the elephant in the room.

I know what you're all thinking.

Liz Jellop was running

against Detective
Chief Inspector Denzel Wilkes,

and he murdered her

so he could become chairman
of the parish council.

Uh... I don't think anyone
was thinking that.

No, no. No one is above the law,
Detective Constable Wong.

So... take me down to the station
for questioning.

And I warn you,
I've got a very weak alibi.

I shall go and see Charlotte,
see what she has to say.

Well, in an attempt
to be a better person,

I have agreed to help Sarah

with the preparations
for the great Carsely duck race.

Kiss me.

- What?
- Sarah's watching.

A real fianc�e would kiss her
real fianc� goodbye on the lips.

- All you're getting, mate.
- I'll take it.

Hello, James.

[ENGINE REVS]

All right if I go in
and get started?

Why is he even here?

Uh... did I somehow
forget to mention

that James
was helping us out today?

Yes, somehow you definitely did.

I'm sorry.

I just... I don't want you and
James to lose that friendship.

I-I know you're really happy
with Charles.

Why don't you come to
the vicarage tonight for supper?

We can toast
your engagement then.

Yes, let's do that.
That's a lovely idea.

Tristan was beautiful

but, in the end,
jealous and threatening.

And I'd had enough of that
with my ex-husband.

You mean Richard Binser.

Well, he's the only ex-husband
I've got.

So far, anyway.

Sorry.
Yes, it's just that...

I didn't think he was
that kind of man.

I mean, admittedly, at first,

we suspected he may have
had Tristan beaten up

for blowing all of his money.

What?

Tristan spent all
of Binser's money on drugs.

No, he didn't.

The day he died,

Tristan swore to me
he still had all the money.

Well, where is it, then?

He gave it to Reverend Grace
for safekeeping.

Tell me, Charles,
are you single?

Yes.

I mean, no.

Sort of.

It's complicated.

Ooh!
Tell me more.

I'm a big fan of complicated.

Yes, I'd like to order
200 rubber ducks, please.

Yes, I will.

Yes, of course!

Oh, darling, listen, you won't
regret it, I promise you.

That's a promise, okay?

Bye.
Mwah, mwah, mwah!

[LAUGHS]

You see, this is where
my true talents lie...

good, honest work,
like schmoozing businesses

for free stuff
for charity duck races

where nobody ends up in prison
or dead.

Oh, I recognize that look.

That's that

"Agatha's superficial
and not as good as me" look.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

Got that all into one look.

I'm rather impressed
with myself.

AGATHA:
Oh, voicemail.

Peggy Slither.

Oh, drunk again.

She says she's got
some genuine information

about the murders for me.

Uh, why... why are you
still sitting there?

Shouldn't you go and see her?

Nope, because she's just lonely
and desperate.

And, anyway, I have got
Morris dancers to organize.

Well, if you're not gonna
talk to Peggy, then I will.

And look what happened
the last time

you made a call like that,
Sarah.

You're still a murder suspect.

- You definitely can't go.
- Then let me.

And I thought we weren't doing
any investigating together.

JAMES:
We won't be.

I'll go and talk to her alone.

Look, Sarah is my friend, too,

and I'm sitting here
ordering bloody rubber ducks

when I could be out
helping clear her of murder.

Agatha, you think that I think
that I'm better than you.

Let me prove you wrong.
I mean right.

Monsieur Lacey,
a treat for Peggy.

Have a drink.
Have a seat.

Not there!

My husband died in that chair.

Yes, I heard all about
your husband from Agatha.

But I'm not superstitious.

And no to a drink, thank you.

Now, what have you
got to tell me?

Mm, so masterful.

You remind me of my husband.
Don't go having a heart attack.

I wasn't going to share this
information with anyone else,

but then my poor, dear
Lizzy Jellop was murdered.

Why would anyone
want to kill Lizzy?

She was so dull.

Peggy, I haven't got all day.

What is this vital information
that you have?

PEGGY:
Naughty, naughty.

Drink first, and then
I'll tell you everything.

[COUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

What proof is that?
It's lethal.

I keep lemonade for the kiddies
and the ladies

if diddums would rather.

No.
Uh, it's fine.

Fill her up.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

CHARLES:
Reverend Grace.

GRACE:
You don't give up, do you?

I've nothing further to say
about Tristan Delon.

CHARLES: Did Tristan Delon give
you �10,000 for safekeeping?

Charlotte Bellinge
told me he did.

- [BELL TOLLING]
- Well, she's mistaken.

I don't have it.

Tristan must have been
lying to her,

like he lied to everyone else.

[CRYING]

Oh, that's marriage
in Cotswolds, Mr. Darcy.

Started in love,
and then you finish it

with them dying in front of you
of a heart attack.

- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GASPS] Tune!

[GROANS]

I almost got married.

Nearly had the ring
on her finger, and then...

What's in the envelope, Peggy?

Oh, don't worry about that now.

A wedding, church full
of people, and then...

Was I right, Peggy?
Was I wrong?

I don't know,
because I wasn't invited!

[LAUGHS]

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Very odd.

I've rung him several times.
I've texted, and no answer.

I'm sure he's fine,
but if you're worried,

this is Peggy's landline number.

Right.

See you around 8:00?

- AGATHA: Okay.
- Okay?

Lovely.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[RINGING STOPS]

Peggy?

[DOOR CREAKS]

James?

Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no!

[BURPS]

Oh!

Jesus.

I thought you were dead.

I am dead.

I'm certainly not alive.

I'm never drinking Peggy's
dandelion Chardonnay again.

Do you think I should
just let her sleep it off?

You should let me sleep it off.

Oh!

[JAMES GROANS]

Peggy?

Hey.

Hello?

Hey, Peggy.

[GASPING, SHUDDERING]

Why is the room
going 'round and 'round?

AGATHA:
Did you see who it was?

No.

But whoever they were,

they were wearing
some kind of yellow jacket.

Oh, wait.

Sarah said that she saw someone
at Tristan's cottage

the night he was murdered
in a yellow parka.

- [BURPS, GROANS]
- Oh!

[DOOR CLOSES]

That you, Charlie Boy?

No.

Oh.
I thought you were my fianc�.

- You've got a fianc�?
- Well, no.

Well... I'm sort of
engaged to Charles.

I'll talk to you about it later.

We're going to dinner at Sarah's
house this evening to celebrate

if you fancy joining us.

I can't.
I've got to go back to London.

I just popped down to...

- To?
- ...tell you...

To tell me what?

...that...

I got the New York job.

You mean the Swindon job.

No.
The Swindon job's in New York.

New York.

So New York as in New York

that's miles and miles
across the Atlantic New York.

- That New York?
- That's the one.

Um, I'm really sorry for lying.

I just didn't think
you'd want me to go.

And I'm not even sure
that I want to go.

Why not?

Because my life is here.

Because you're here,
you silly mug.

You have to go to New York.

- Seriously?
- Yes, you daft old tart.

This is an amazing opportunity
for you.

And many, many amazing
shopping opportunities for me.

CHARLES: You know,
if you're not happy for Roy,

you don't want him to go, then
why didn't you ask him not to?

AGATHA: Because much as it
pains me to say it,

maybe Tristan was right.

Maybe love
is all about sacrifice.

CHARLES: Love is what got
poor Liz Jellop murdered.

AGATHA: Yeah.
And Peggy Slither.

CHARLES: We don't know
that anyone killed Peggy.

She was an alcoholic,
far from healthy.

It could have been
natural causes.

She was definitely murdered, by
someone wearing a yellow parka.

Then why didn't
yellow-parka-wearing man

or woman murder James
at the same time?

[SIGHS]

[DOOR KNOCKER CLACKING]

I think we should
tell Sarah tonight

that we're not getting married.

- Maybe you're right.
- [DOOR OPENS]

ALL:
Surprise!

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, crap.

Exactly.

Thank you.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Oh, I'm so sorry
for lying to you.

Oh... lying,
it's not that bad, is it?

[LAUGHS]

Oh, by the way,
Jez sends his love from Nigeria.

There you are lying again.

You know, this is probably
really inappropriate

at my own engagement party,

but that afternoon
at Liz Jellop's house,

you didn't happen to see

that person with
the yellow parka again, did you?

Uh, no.
No, I didn't. Sorry.

A drink?

Mm.

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Ooh.

- You okay?
- Yes. I'm fine.

So, has Alice
met your mother yet?

No. That's happening tomorrow
at the duck race.

Alice finds parties a bit much.

AGATHA: Yes.

I know how she feels.

James?

Oh, I'm on the water,
possibly forever.

I'm just gonna... Yep.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Well, I don't suppose you've
remembered the information

that Peggy had about Tristan.

I can't remember anything.

If I hadn't got so drunk,

maybe that poor woman
wouldn't have been murdered.

We don't know that anyone's
been murdered yet.

You don't believe that.
I know you.

Yes, you probably do.

You know, this afternoon,
just for a moment,

I... thought that you were...

Yeah, I know.

An experience, hangover,
like today

makes you question everything.

I should have said this before.

I was going to say it
the other night.

What?
What were you going to say?

Don't marry Charles.

Why not?

He's fun.

He's full of life.
And, uh...

And he likes me.

And do you know what?

He's honest with me.

I know where I am with Charles,
so you tell me why.

Why shouldn't I marry him?

Because...

AGATHA: Why?

It's a very bad idea.

Oh.

Because it... it's foolish
and impulsive.

With his romantic history,
not to mention yours,

- it's doomed to end in failure.
- Oh.

I see.
Right.

So, um, were we just doomed
to end in failure, then?

What? I'm not...
I'm not talking about us.

No.
You're not, are you?

I know that now.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
LAUGHTER]

I have spent
so much time and energy

wanting to be
with James Lacey...

being with James Lacey...

trying to get over James Lacey.

I am now over James Lacey.

I think I may even
be over Carsely.

That's why we're fantasy-buying
a pied-à-terre in Bristol.

- Uh...
- We made a fantasy offer

on a fantasy loft apartment
just today.

I told everyone at the party.

Oh, well, that is
definitely a fantasy,

because no fantasy fianc�
of mine

would put an offer in
on an apartment

without consulting me first,
just for future reference.

Well...

I shall say good night.

Good night.

Charlie Boy.

You don't fancy coming in
for a couple of hours

of fantasy online house-hunting,
do you?

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]
- [GASPS]

It's Bill.

The pathologist just called.

It's definitely another murder.

Peggy Slither
was suffocated to death.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

And suddenly, I am not really
in the mood for house-hunting.

No.
Me neither.

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

I don't need an apology, James.

JAMES: Good, because I'm not
offering you one.

I remember.

This afternoon, at Peggy's,
before everything got messy,

there was
a small padded envelope

on the coffee table
in the living room.

On the front, it said,
"To my darling Peggy.

Guard this with your life.
Love, Tristan."

We... We could go there
tomorrow, find it.

AGATHA:
It's a crime scene.

Tomorrow, there is gonna be
police everywhere.

Tomorrow's too late.

This really isn't my idea
of a booty call.

Oh, and here's your ex.

It really isn't my idea
of a booty call.

- The window.
- The window?

JAMES:
The window?

Charles will never
get through that.

Well, neither will you.

No, but I will.

[GRUNTS]

Ooh!

[SPITS]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

[CLATTERING]

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

BILL:
What was that?

Go around the back.

Ooh!

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Morning.
- Hey.

AGATHA:
Morning, Sarah.

Oh. Sorry.
What's wrong?

Computer error at the brewery.

The free beer
they were supplying

is no longer being delivered.

We have no alcohol
to offer people,

no budget to buy any,

and the villagers
already hate me

'cause they think I killed
their favorite curate.

Oh, they don't hate you.

They might strongly dislike you,
but they don't hate... Oh.

None of us are gonna get through
this day without any alcohol.

Come on, Charles.
Think of something.

I can think of something.

I know where we can get
as much free alcohol as we like.

[BOTTLES CLANKING]

There you go.
Peggy's finest.

We'll sell it with mixers,

unless you want the villagers
to die of alcohol poisoning.

Excellent idea.

I shall market them
as a cocktail.

Dandelion Negronis.

Here we come.

[FEEDBACK]

SARAH: Welcome to
the Carsely duck race,

kindly sponsored
by Binser Enterprises.

Mr. Binser has given
a huge amount of time and money

to Carsely charities.

[FEEDBACK, APPLAUSE]

[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

WILKES: Vote Wilkes.
Vote Wilkes.

Vote Detective
Chief Inspector Wilkes

or I'll arrest you
on a trumped-up charge

and have you thrown
in the cells.

No. I won't.

Just kidding.

Vote Wilkes.

- Vote Wilkes.
- AGATHA: Enjoy.

A vote for Wilkes
is a vote for crimes.

Of the many foolish,
illegal things you've done,

breaking into Peggy's is
the most foolish and illegal.

Somewhere, possibly even here,

is a killer
who's murdered three people,

one of them in Peggy's house.

I want to go to your wedding,
not your funeral.

What were you doing there?

Looking for evidence.

And before you ask,
I didn't find any,

because if I did, I would
be sharing it with you now.

No, you wouldn't.

How's Alice getting on
with your mother?

BILL:
I wish Alice would just... relax.

Well, I might have something
that could help her with that.

[INDISTINCT TALKING ON PA]

One dandelion Negroni, please.

Oh, and make it a large one.

In your dreams, sonny.
Hop it.

WOMAN:
3, 2, 1, ducks in!

[ALL CHEERING]

Over the other side!
The other side! Quick.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Thank you.

That was wonderful.
Please, all of you have a drink.

Oh! Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

I wondered whether your boss
would show his face,

what with him being suspected
of murder.

Mr. Binser's charity work
is very important to him.

He's not about to let
the unfounded suspicions

of an amateur detective

deter him from doing his best
for the community.

If I were you, I'd keep an eye
on Charlotte Bellinge.

She's a highly predatory woman,

as Tristan Delon and Mr. Binser
both found out to their cost.

Investigate her.

CHARLES:
Shall we have dinner later?

[LAUGHS]
Charles.

I'd love to.

If you ever need to talk,
you know I'm here.

Yeah.

Thank you.

MAN:
What do you think you're doing?!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

I wouldn't have done that.

Please, stop it!

MAN:
You stop!

We ain't taking orders
from a murderer!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

ALICE:
Stuck-up cow.

BILL:
Don't talk to my mum like that.

Don't talk to me like that,
mama's boy.

A real man would stand up
for his woman.

BILL:
Well, maybe you should go

and find yourself
a real man, then.

ALICE: I found one, thank you.
My married boss.

We've been bonking for years.

- What?
- I tried to resist him.

But the truth is, I love Ronnie.

And I will wait the rest
of my life for him,

if that's what it takes.

Such a clich�.

A secretary so in love
with her boss,

she'll do anything for him.

Of course.

You're right.

A secretary so in love
with her boss

that she would
do anything for him!

Sarah.

You are a genius!

[ENGINE STARTS]

Agatha, where are you going?

Nowhere in particular.

You'd never leave a drama unless
you were going to a bigger one.

[SNEEZES]

[BLOWS NOSE]

[SIGHS]

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Oh!

- What?!
- SARAH: Jesus Christ.

That is blasphemy, Mrs. Vicar.

SARAH: Uh, Tristan had a picture
of Jesus

on the back of his phone case

in this photo I've just seen
on the Internet.

But the phone case he was using
on the night he was with me

said "T.B." in big letters.

I don't understand.

He must have two mobile phones.

And he received a call
from the T.B. phone

on the night he was killed.

AGATHA: Maybe he had two
phone cases. I don't know.

I mean, surely the police would
have checked his phone records.

Sarah, are you sure
you're not just misremembering?

SARAH:
Uh, yes.

I remember it being weird
that he'd have a phone case

with "T.B." on the back
when his initials are T.D.

T.B.

Terence Biles.

Peggy Slither said that

that was Tristan's real name,
Terence Biles.

Can you call Bill and check
and see if Tristan

had a phone in the name
of Terence Biles?

Sarah, I have to go.

Oh, Agatha, you idiot!

ELLEN:
Looking for me, Ms. Raisin?

Well, join me for dinner,

and then you can explain
why you're following me.

You think I'm in love
with my boss.

It's okay.

I'm used to
this kind of nonsense.

If you're middle-aged
and single,

everyone assumes you must be
the crazy, desperate one.

Mm.

I am loyal and protective
of Richard Binser.

He's been very good to me
down the years.

And, yes, I would do
almost anything for him,

but commit murder?

No.

I want to know more

about this complicated
relationship of yours.

You're engaged,
or maybe you're not.

But either way,
you were happy to have dinner

with a dangerous divorc�e
like me.

It's not great behavior, is it?

CHARLOTTE: I think it's
perfectly fine behavior.

Monogamy is hard.

Hello, darling.

Charles, this is Julian.

Julian, I was just discussing
with Charles

how relationships can get stale,

how just the two of you
can become quite boring.

And sometimes it's fun
to involve...

...other people.

You'd like to try that,
wouldn't you, Charles?

You naughty boy.

Carsely Cabs.

Yes, I know. Well, it's Gustav's
night off, so...

Enjoy your dinner, did ye?

Are you falling for
that tart Bellinge,

just like my...

...dear Tristan?

[SNIFFLES]

Are you okay, Reverend Grace?

No, of course
I'm not bloody okay.

Do I look okay?
Bloody idiot.

No!

You leave that
right where it is.

That knife or gun

or whatever weapon you're hiding
in your pocket.

I am making a citizen's arrest
on you

for the murder of Tristan Delon

and, just to be
on the safe side,

Liz Jellop and Peggy Slither.

Oh.

I don't have a knife or a gun.

All I have is the �3,000

that's left of Richard Binser's �10,000

that Tristan asked me
to keep safe for him.

Oh, hell.

Where's the other �7,000?

[SNIFFLES]

I spent it.

Gambling on the horses...

...and the dogs
and the football...

...and spread-betting
on Eurovision.

[SNIFFLES, CRYING]

Can I ask, did you call Tristan
on his mobile the night he died?

We didn't have that kind
of relationship,

but, uh, half the women
in Carsely did,

so, uh, maybe ask them.

And what about
Charlotte Bellinge?

You said that I should
investigate her.

Why was that?

[BOTH LAUGH]

I don't know if I'm drunk enough
to tell you that.

Do you fancy another drink?

I only live 'round the corner.

And then I will
tell you everything

about Charlotte Bellinge.

JAMES:
I want to talk.

CHARLES:
Not now, Lacey, please.

I've just narrowly
avoided an orgy

and then had to take
a mad gambling-addicted vicar

to the police station.

- It's been quite a day.
- Where's Agatha?

She's been gone all afternoon,
and I'm worried.

Well, don't be.

She's off chasing
some harebrained theory

that Binser's secretary
murdered Tristan and the others,

based on no evidence whatsoever.

- It's crazy.
- I doubt that.

She thinks this woman is worth
investigating, then she is.

I know Agatha.

Yes, well, I also know Agatha.

And I know this case
better than you,

and I assure you
she's wasting her time.

[VEHICLE APPROACHES]

Where's Agatha?

Following Ellen Partle.

Oh, no.

Tristan had two phones.

On the night he died,
he received a call

on the secret one
from a pay phone in Malmesbury,

just around the corner
from Ellen Partle's house.

We'll follow you.

Right. Should we carry on
with wine, then?

Oh, absolutely.
I think it would be rude not to.

Duck race.

Oh.

Whoops.

You know that that's Liz Jellop,
not Peggy Slither.

I know that now, don't I?

Bloody Mrs. Boggle.

Screwing up the captions.

Well, Mrs. Boggle has a lot
to answer for.

- [GRUNTS]
- [THUD]

[SIREN WAILING]

I've made a mess of everything.

I didn't trust her instincts.

I know our engagement was fake,
but now...

JAMES: What?
Your engagement wasn't genuine?

What? No.

But now I realize I am
totally in love with her.

I had to do it.

Tristan said he had photos
of my Richard at a sex club.

And he wanted �100,000 for it.

But I knew it was lies.
Of course I did.

But even lies could ruin
Richard's reputation.

I didn't want to kill Tristan
or the others.

And I don't want
to kill you, either.

I think I'm going to have to.

And it's your own fault,
meddling bitch!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

BILL: Police, Ms. Partle.
We know you're in the house.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

[GROANING]

ELLEN:
Oh, shut up!

D.C. Wong... and friends.

Have you seen Agatha Raisin
this evening?

Oh, we've just had dinner.

We discussed her theory that
I'm some kind of serial killer.

Had a good laugh about it,
and then she went home.

Really? Perhaps we could come in
and talk more.

ELLEN:
Of course.

The second you have a warrant,
you'll be very welcome.

- She's lying.
- Well, certainly,

but I can't just force my way
into a private house.

I'm a police officer.

Luckily, I'm not.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

AGATHA:
Looking for this?

[GROANS]

[THUD]

Oh.

[GROANING SOFTLY]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]

Agatha.

[GASPS]
Charles.

I knew I could count on you.

Always.

Ellen Partle, I'm arresting you
on the suspicion of the murder

of Tristan Delon, Liz Jellop,
and Peggy Slither.

And the attempted murder
of my friend Agatha Raisin.

[HANDCUFFS CLICK]

Ellen Partle
was a deranged obsessive

who sacrificed everything
for love.

You were right, darling.

I will never doubt those hunches
of yours again.

Well, you will,
but that's all right.

So, Ellen Partle

was in a relationship
with Richard Binser.

No, Binser says there was
no relationship

with her or Tristan.

And there's no evidence
to suggest he's lying.

Without telling Binser,

she went to reason with Tristan
that night

after speaking to him
on the phone,

challenged him to produce
these so-called photos.

He told her he'd given them
to a friend called Peggy Slither

for safekeeping.

But then he became abusive
and threatening,

and Ellen grabbed
the paper knife

and stabbed him in self-defense.

- SARAH: Hello?
- AGATHA: Hi.

I wanted to check on the patient

and thank the patient
for clearing my name.

My pleasure.

Bill is just telling the patient
all about Ellen Partle.

So, now Tristan was dead,
but Ellen was worried

that these photographs
might still be out there.

She identified Peggy Slither

from the photo
in the parish magazine.

- But the captions were wrong.
- BILL: Exactly.

So she follows Liz,
thinking it's Peggy,

then, when the house was empty,
broke in to find the photos,

but then was disturbed by Liz
when she came home early.

It's only when she saw the news
the next day

that she realized she'd killed
Liz Jellop by mistake.

So she thought she had no choice
but to kill Peggy Slither.

BILL:
She claims she didn't want to.

She kept watch
on Peggy Slither's house,

waited until Peggy was alone
and passed out drunk,

but then Peggy woke up and saw
her looking for the photos.

Let me get this straight.

I have a couple of questions.

CHARLES:
No, that's enough.

Sorry, guys, but I'm gonna
chuck you out now

so that my fianc�e
can get some rest.

Surely now the, uh,
investigation's over,

you can drop this silly
fake engagement.

- It's not fake.
- [DOOR OPENS]

Or it won't be.

As soon as she's recovered,

I'm going to propose to her
properly.

AGATHA:
Could you get my phone?

I just want to call Bill

and get him to go through
everything again.

CHARLES: I've hidden your phone
because you need to rest.

[SMOOCHES]

AGATHA: Okay.

I am going shopping

so that I can make us
a celebratory dinner.

Toodle-oo.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Okay, Charlie Boy, where
have you hidden my phone?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

What have you forgotten?

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- RICHARD: Mrs. Raisin.

I'm so sorry for everything
that's happened.

I feel dreadfully responsible.

Well, if that's what she wants,
it could be great for her.

Oh, it's wonderful you're being
so positive about it, James.

- Thank you.
- No, I'm joking.

I think it's terrible you're
being so positive about it

when it's clear to everyone
you're completely in love

with Agatha
and it's breaking your heart.

My heart is not breaking,
and I'm not in love with Agatha.

I make it a strict policy
of not being in love

with women who are getting
married to someone else.

- Bugger that.
- Sarah.

Sorry, but this is ridiculous.

You risk your life for Agatha
going to see Peggy Slither.

You search for her all day
when she goes missing

while Charles Fraith
has dinner with another woman.

Follow your heart, man,
before it's too late.

[CHUCKLES] Honestly,
you could have just sent them.

No, no, I had to come
and apologize in person

for the nightmare that
Ellen Partle put you through.

Not to mention James Lacey.

Sorry?

He must have been traumatized
by his lucky escape.

Uh... yeah.

Y-Yes, he was.

Right.
How do they look?

Dreadful, I'm sure.

How did you know
James Lacey was there?

Bill Wong told me
that Ellen Partle

had said that Peggy Slither
was alone when she killed her.

But she wasn't.

James was there.

How did you know that?

The police don't even know that.

It was you, wasn't it?

You killed Tristan Delon
and the others.

[SCREAMS]

Don't move!

Stay where you are,
or I swear to God I'll kill you.

I think you're gonna
do that anyway.

Yes.

Yes, I am.

You're a smart woman,
Mrs. Raisin.

You're a lot smarter
than Ellen Partle.

We agreed she'd take the blame
for the murders.

And then when she got out
of prison, I'd marry her.

[CHUCKLES]

I should have known I couldn't
trust someone so unstable

to get the story right.

AGATHA:
And what is the story?

RICHARD: Oh, everything happened
just as Ellen said it did,

except, yes, I was having
an affair with Tristan.

And, yes, he did have photos
which could have destroyed

my private
and professional reputation,

but I disposed of them, just
as I'm about to dispose of you.

I am sorry.

But I've worked hard
for what I've got,

and I can't
watch it all destroyed.

[DOOR OPENS]

Agatha.

You can't marry Charles.

Could we maybe talk about this
another time?

No, no. I'm not gonna wait
a moment longer.

We should have talked about this
a long time ago.

I love you.

And I'm asking you to marry me.

Again.

[GRUNTS]

Oh!

[CHOKING]

Ah!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Have I missed something?

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

You okay?

So, the chief constable
is very grateful

that I cracked the case.

She was also very annoyed at me
that I cracked the case.

[LAUGHS]

Maybe it's time
to make it official,

become a professional
private detective.

You may have a very good point.

SARAH:
Hello!

We'll wait outside.

JAMES: What about us?
Should we...

make it official?

That's why I came back to
Carsely, to ask you to marry me.

Is it?

So, why didn't you
ask me before now?

You seemed happy with Charles.

Well, why shouldn't I be happy?

Charles looked after me
in Cyprus and... and here.

Ellen Partle tried to kill me,
and Charles saved me.

- What?
- It doesn't matter.

No, what? Tell me.
What were you going to say?

[GASPS]

It was you, wasn't it?

[GASPS]

You broke down the door.
You found me.

It was you that saved me,
not Charles.

It was you.

I'm just glad you were safe.

I saw you with him,
and it broke my heart.

I thought about spending my life
without you and I wanted to die.

I loved you too much
to hurt you again

when I thought
that you were happy.

So I... said nothing.

I can't marry you, James.

I'm kind of done with marriage.

But if you fancied living in sin
for the next...

50 years or so,
I'd be very much up for that.

[LAUGHS]

Come here.

- Oh!
- Hey!

[LAUGHTER]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Are we friends?

Friends.

- [GLASSES CLINK]
- [SIGHS]

James has won... for now.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Oh.

Ah!

Charlotte.

Dinner tonight?
Yeah.

Yes, I think I can squeeze
you in, if it is just you.

[DOOR OPENS]

Yo! She's back.

Roy?

I thought I told you
to take the job in New York.

I took the job in New York.
I'm not stupid.

But I knew you couldn't
live without me,

so I will be selflessly
splitting my working week

between London
and New York City.

Oh.

It will be hell,
but I am worth it.

You are worth it.

Thank you.
That's on inside out.

[LAUGHTER]

Agatha, haven't you
got something to say?

I do.

There is a reason
for this little gathering.

And I know that we have all
been here before.

Oh, no.

AGATHA: But James and I
have been talking.

And, uh, I have an announcement
to make.

Not again.

This is something I've thought
about for quite some time now,

and I feel very sure about it.

I am becoming a professional
private investigator.

Well, thank God for that.
[LAUGHS]

I knew you'd be happy.
[LAUGHS]

- CHARLES: It won't last.
- Heard that.

[LAUGHTER]

- Hooray!
- Congratulations.

[GLASSES CLINK]

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