Original subtitles

Hi

What's matter, kid?

I'm not a kid

Help!

Miss!

- Help! - Come back!

Pretty girl!

Help!

Come back!

Help!

Come back!

Help!

Come back!

Taking liberties with my daughter in broad daylight?

Come on, sisters!

Help!

Stop, you sex maniac!

Are you alright, Miss?

I'm fine

He's a rapist! Fix him!

Go to hell!

It's not me...

No?

Mom!

Madam, you're mistaken...

You got it all wrong! It wasn't him!

Fang Jian-sheng, the Blockhead

She's gorgeous!

Miss!

What is it?

I like your airplane

I like the runway more

Shall we go to the movies?

- It's just the movies - Don't be afraid!

Don't be afraid!

Let's have tea

We'll be your friend

Class will begin, sit down!

Don't harass your classmate

He's cocky!

We'll show him

You two, please come forward

Yes, I'm talking to you

Come forward!

You have learnt the different moods

Of course, we're actors

Need you ask?

Good! Cry for us

Cry?

I can't do it without a story

Fine! I'll give you one

I'm your Father, pull on your ears

Get on your knees and cry to me

Dad, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!?

Sir

You're an idiot

Don't bother to show up again

Sir!

Disgusting!

Dad, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!

Very good! Now your turn...

Miss, please step up here

She's your Mother. Repeat what he did

Pay attention, everyone! Do it!

My Mother?

Mom, I'm sorry, I won't do it again!

Very good!

This is hilarious!

Stay there for the rest of the class!

Fellow students

An intimate scene can be tricky

Let me show you...

Hey!

What are you doing?

Return to your seat!

Good morning, Sir!

What's going on?

My name is Fang Jian-Iang

I'm also a student

I was just sharing my experience with you

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang!

Mr. Fang Jian-hui is the host of

A Dish A Day

Three, two, one, cue...

We have a letter from Mrs. Chang

After seven years, her husband is having an affair

A wife should take some of the blame

If the wife is a good cook

She'll have the husband on the hook

In order to keep your husband

Make him good soup

Cut it out!

What we're recommending today

is Swallow Returns in Spring

three quails, two taels of bird's nest

One tael of angelica root

I guarantee the return

of your philandering husband

That's all for today

See you again next week

in Mainly for Women

I can smell it upstairs!

Let me try!

It's not cooked

- It's not edible? - It's only a prop

I'm counting you in for tonight

Sorry, I have a date with an air hostess

who looks like Nicole Kidman

She's been after me, I must give her a chance

Bye!

Julia Roberts

He's bragging again!

He's over 30 and doesn't have a girlfriend

Let him brag!

$1,000 please, brother dear!

Again?

You used my wife's name! That's my compensation

I have to pay to mention her name?

You're lucky

Next time, it'll cost you more

We're brothers, don't make a fuss

Fine! Let me use your car to show off

That's all you care about

You can't hold down a job

Those jobs are not respectable

That's why I'm an artiste now

How was the first class?

Fine!

What does that mean?

Fine means good

Maybe not so good!

Come back!

Come back here!

Hi there!

Stand still!

How dare you trick us!

What are you doing?

Professor!

Damn!

It stinks!

It's you, Sir!

Both of you are

in deep shit now

See me in my office!

I forgot my glasses

Help me find the way!

I don't know that way either

Left or right?

I don't know!

Read the sign!

I can't see anything!

Take a closer look

I see it now! It's a danger sign!

What happened?

Call the police!

The food is burning!

Hello?

Is Miss Honey there?

There's no honey here

But we have many darlings

Come see for yourself

This is a whore house!

Sorry, wrong number!

Better wrong than never. Come on up!

Hello?

Put the Kid on the phone

Which one? We have lots of them

Then put Baby on the phone

We have lots of them too

What place is it?

A nursery

Why didn't you tell me earlier, bitch?

You've wasted my time, maniac!

You're the maniac!

Hello?

Jesus, please

Come for mass if you believe in Him

Save the bullshit!

Jesus and I are going after the girls tonight

Lord, please forgive his sin

Sin indeed...

Where the hell is this?

Church

After Jesus and I had a good time

I'll drop by to confess!

Good night!

Dinner, Master Lang!

I'm steaming my face!

If it's Amy, tell her I'm out of town

If it's Nancy, tell her I went out

I only want to talk to Kitty

What if it's for me?

Then hurry up and hang up

I'm waiting for Kitty's call

I said we're through!

Listen to me, we're through!

Is it Kitty?

Maniac!

Hang up, maniac!

I'll kill myself

Go ahead!

You shouldn't say that, sir

Who are you?

Who are you?

You have a guy with you?

I don't know him

I don't know her either! I have the wrong number

Then hang up!

I'm waiting for Kitty

Hang up, asshole

You call me an asshole?

I don't mean you...

Don't be so heartless

and dump your girl

If you're interested, she's all yours

Chin Fa Garden, Zone 40 No.4.

I'll kill myself if you leave me

Don't do it, Miss!

Hong Kong is such a wonderful place

What's so good about Hong Kong? Tell me

Hey! What's good about Hong Kong?

Eat a banana!

Hang up and eat your dinner!

Wrong number, pig!

I know! Sunset by the sea is so romantic!

Hong Kong has everything

And... remember that song

"Life's a bed of roses, enjoy the freedom..."

"Now let's whisper"

LP. gas

LP. gas is good

Good idea!

Hello, Miss?

Damn!

Where are you off to?

To save a life!

What's your name, granny?

What is he saying?

- Where do you live? - Of course I know that

Where do you live?

- Beef stew is my specialty - Granny!

I smell LP. gas

No... can't press the bell

Anyone home?

No answer?

She must have passed out!

I'll have to break in

Better clip my nose first

"petals on a moon-night..."

The bathroom...

Open the window

Mom!

Take it easy, Miss

It's you again!

I'm here to save a life!

What?

Didn't you try to kill yourself?

That's such a lame excuse!

Don't!

I'll show you what the 1957 Champion

of the National Martial Arts can do

Don't...

Go to helll...

I heard on the phone someone tried to kill herself

Go to hell...

Over there...

You're after my neighbor too?

No... Look!

I'll kill you! I'll chop you to pieces!

Mom! It's true...

Really?

Go and help!

"The sun, the stars..."

What happened to you?

You helped a damsel in distress

and she pledged to marry you?

Don't talk nonsense! I'll dress your wounds

Is she pretty?

A bit

Do you love her?

A bit

Does she love you?

A bit

Pretend you're playing snooker

Put her in your pocket!

Don't pollute his mind

With your playboy tactics

Speaking of pollution, I have a beef with you

As my guardian

You shouldn't have dressed me up as a girl

when I was a kid

Now I'm campy

Luckily, I protected you

Or you'll be worse

You have so much to learn about women

Nonsense! Proceed steadily

Step by step, with meticulous calculations...

You talk like a housewife!

You must be bold but prudent

Wrong!

The mentality of the 605 won't work

You're doomed

You must be bold, callous and shameless

Shameless?

Be a womanizer

Be a philanthropist

- Philanthropist? - Love with all your heart and act quick!

Move in on her tomorrow

Don't rush into anything!

No? Eat your vegetables

It's already cold

The lesson to learn is eat it while it's hot

Once it's cold, it's inedible!

That's all for today

I'll go for the good stuff tonight!

You already have a girlfriend

Don't go fooling around

Before I settle for home cooking

Let me eat out while I can

He's a bad example

Some day, pickles is all he's getting

I better eat now!

Sissy...

Let her think I'm a sissy

who's harmless

So many women fall for me

"My love, I'm on fire?"

"Heating up like a desert?"

"My love...?"

"The greatest hero...?"

The chosen one from 19 districts... lucky you!

Lin Lee from Mongkok

The Dolly Parton of Mongkok

Let's hold fast to the dream

Let's see who's luckier...

Tokyu Queen, you have three dates...

Tokyu Queen?

They're boorish, I don't like them

What type do you like?

Tall and handsome

Pearly white teeth

Casual but tasteful dressing style

Friendly but romantically unruly

That's me to a tee!

Big, passionate eyes

with electrifying expression

Deep and sexy voice

Well groomed hair

Are all Virgos that demanding

when it comes to men?

Virgo?

Seriously...

Those pajamas I saw at your shop

Are they available now?

Yes!

Lingerie department?

I'll look you up after work!

Sure!

I'm on to you!

Thank you

Here, I peeled it for you

It's for me

You take such good care of us

There's no brother like you

Something small like an orange

You'll even peel it for us

Something big like your car...

Don't even think about it!

Why?

You didn't use the cologne I gave you?

When did you give it to me?

Last week when I borrowed your car

That reminds me, when you brought it back

All the tires are shot

I have my reason to be impulsive

Your impulse cost me $3,000!

Damn!

The cologne wasn't cheap either

Give me the keys

Fine!

Don't try to fool me

What a brother you are!

I was wrong about you

Follow me to the garage! I'll prove it

I need some answers myself!

Fine! I'll look for it myself!

Are you convinced now?

I have looked everywhere

There's no cologne

Give me back the keys

You can't fool me!

That can't be...

I put the box here myself

Where is it?

The kid at the garage must have taken it

- I'm sure... - Say no more

- No more tricks - Must be that kid!

You'll never get me cologne

You don't fool me!

Toilet key! Damn!

What are you doing?

Shopping

I want something for my girlfriend

Look around, we have many choices

Stop! I want something sexy

What size?

Your size

What color?

Red!

$999 net

Fine!

$1 change

Thank you

Don't mention it

Can I go now?

You scared me!

What are you staring at?

Nothing

Whose is this?

He left it behind

Why would someone buy something and leave it behind?

He left a letter!

Before I met you

I don't believe in love at first sight

Please accept this gift

As a memento of our first encounter

If you wish to thank me

Meet me at the coffee shop across the street

at 11 tonight

P.S. If you're not interested

Please pass the gift and the note

to another Tokyu Queen

If one should exist

I've never seen a cockier man than him

Please sit down

You knew I'd come?

Yes

I have ordered a lemonade for you

Someone with your figure

will never drink Ovaltine or milk

Fine

A ring on your pinkie means you have many admirers

Transparent nail polish means you're spontaneous

One earring is a sign of madness

But I like it

For you, Virgo

If you don't care for it, toss it!

I will!

Stop!

In such a short time after work

You managed to put on something so pretty

It means you have a big date tonight

If I'm not mistaken

You're leaving in 5 minutes

because you didn't bring your handbag

Wrong!

How so?

A ring on my pinkie because it's the only size available

I'm not wearing any nail polish

One earring means I lost the other one

But you were right about one thing

I'm leaving soon

because my boyfriend is waiting outside

Take this back

If you think I'm mad, you're not mad enough for me

The bill, please!

Sure!

Follow me!

You're dead, Beautiful!

What took you so long?

I was teasing him! It was fun!

Forget him!

Nice car!

It's the worst one I own

If this is the worst

You must be rich

Yes, I am

Having money is nothing, spending it is the key

"I'm on fire..."

Show him...

You lousy watch!

I'm tossing it!

Take it off!

But it's a diamond Rolex!

Mr. Rich

Take it off...

No!

Take it off or I'm going...

You're so stingy, I'm leaving...

No... I'll take it off!

Hurry up!

Yes!

Look at that!

I thought my bumper was hard

but not as hard as this!

Run him down!

Start the car!

No!

Go!

It's my Father's go!

You won't do it?

- Then I will - Don't!

What are you doing?

You're insane!

I'll show you insane!

Sorry, my mistake!

Beautiful!

Come on... He can't ram his Father's car

But I can ram my brother's car!

Listen to me...

Go home!

Please don't go, I'm sorry

- Hit the gas! Get in gear! - Say goodbye to Daddy!

Bye!

Hey, watch it!

Daddy!

Incredible! You're my hero!

His Father will be pissed

You smashed my car, bitch!

I'll sue you!

You call me a bitch! Go to hell!

Calm down...

Help!

Daddy!

You want to kill me?

Mr. Rich

I'm calling my lawyer!

You're dead!

I'll call all my lawyers!

Don't go!

I'll sue your pants off!

Bamboo Court! It's our destiny

Virgos don't accept

anything that comes easy

I'm not giving you a chance tonight

Go home and get some sleep!

You're despicable!

What's your name?

Beautiful!

My name is Handsome

Liar!

You too!

Don't...

Good night!

Don't...

You'll learn sooner or later

You won't get away!

Why isn't he back?

Don't worry! He's not a kid anymore!

I'm worried about my car, not him!

He won't wreck your car!

I have a hunch he'll cost me

We'll know

if he brings home any food

Last time he bought rice dumpling

and it cost me over $3,000

You think it's stewed goose

or chicken congee with abalone?

I only want fishballs

Why fishballs?

Nothing to worry, he didn't bring anything

What about fishballs?

Let's eat!

What's this?

Roast pigeons from Shatin

My car is history...

I better check on my car

The pigeon doesn't mean I wrecked your car

Go see for yourself!

That's odd! It was fine just now

You...

Come back!

Don't eat that! Each pigeon costs me $3,000

Then I must try it!

I'm keeping your next month's pay!

You hear me?

No!

I saved this pigeon leg for you

Give me Bing's number

Tell him to tow the car

It's after 2 am.

So what? I'm waking him up, not you

300687

Ming...

Don't come back if you leave now

I'll raise the son alone, musician

Daddy, don't go!

Let him go!

- Daddy... - Don't mind him, Ming!

Let him go!

Mammy!

Put Bing on the phone!

Bing my foot! Wrong number!

You don't have to be so rude!

It Should be 5-300687

What are you going to do?

That bitch at 300687 is cocky

I'll scold her

How dare you talk to me!

Hey, bitch! It's connected!

That's so stupid!

You're stupid, asshole

I'll call the police if you call again!

That bitch is ferocious!

- Did she pick on you? - Yes!

I'll wake her up every night and get even

What about my car?

It'll be fixed. Good night!

Mud mask

Does it work?

Not even tea!

Hello!

Lang, it's Hung

Where are you? Hurry home!

I'm in England. I'll be back in two days

I have lost weight since you left

I miss you terribly

What are you doing now?

Eating sausages and doing a mask

Don't be naughty

Pick me up at the airport at 9 o'clock

Bye!

Back so soon!

What about the ladies from the 19 districts?

I'll take it out on that bitch!

Morning, bitch!

It's 3 am.

Time for you to pee

Who are you?

None of your business!

My brother wants to talk to you

Who is he?

You want to talk to him? Hold on!

Hello?

I woke that bitch for you

and told her to pee

Finish her off

What did you say? What bitch?

It's you again, asshole!

Harassing me on the phone!

Go to hell!

What? Damn!

What? Don't swear!

You're a pervert!

Don't call me a pervert! I hate that!

Hello!

Lang, if you call her up every night

and tell her to pee

you won't have to pay for the car

Really?

That's for calling me a pervert

Let Lang harass you

I always find a scapegoat

My mud mask...

1, 2...

Take a break and eat your breakfast!

Where are you going?

I've taken the day off to play ping pong

Who is Blockhead dressing up for?

Who is it?

A girl

I know that!

What's her name?

Ying-ying

Eat it while it's hot!

I have to run

Bye!

Don't over do it

No breakfast?

Blockhead is in love!

Look at his ruddy face

The male hormones are erupting on his face...

Unlike you...

What do you mean?

You haven't had a pimple since puberty

Your face is dry like a prune

I'm worried about you

Why?

Either you'll be a bachelor or you're gay

A prune?

Good morning, Ying

Good morning, you're here!

I'm honored to play with you

Loosen up!

Come meet my friend

What's your name?

Can't tell you, you'll eat it

Is your name Vegetable?

Rice?

Or shit?

Don't get smart! Call him Roy

How are you, Roy?

So far so good

What are you doing?

Nothing! You're strong!

Sheng was on the school team

Really? Which one?

St. Peter's Memorial Secondary School

in Quarry Bay

Are you done?

Yes!

Good! Let me destroy you

Excellent!

I call that "Kiss of the Ping Pong?"

"Kiss of the Ping Pong?"

The Ping Pong strikes again

Don't lose your temper!

See my Terms of Punishment

Calm down, buddy!

You're too much,

Serves him right

Sheng!

- Ying-ying! - Sheng!

No live broadcast today, Mr. Fang?

I'm doing an interview on location

Any 8-star cookies?

Sorry, she bought the last box

Please take it, Mr. Fang

No, it's ok

Mr. Fang, your car...

Maybe next time! Sorry, sir

Sorry, I'm leaving

Don't do it again!

Mr. Fang likes the cookies

Really?

Yes, thank you

Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Fang will be here soon

Good morning, director

Good morning, everyone

Mr. Fang, you're late! A romantic encounter?

Of course!

An intriguing cookie romance

at the cake shop

What does she look like?

She's a beauty of course

Elegant and intelligent

and has good taste!

How do you know?

Don't make fun of him!

The match-maker is a box of cookies

She offered me the last box

I can tell from her eyes

Reserved but seductive

Coquettish but sad

What a pity I have to work

so I returned the cookies

I told her if cookies brought us together

We'll meet again because of cookies

If it's destiny

We'll meet again

I saw utter disappointment in her eyes

So I think to myself

If I see her again, I'll...

Chew her like cookies?

I will give her a chance, I will...

Of all the stories you told us

This is most touching!

Where's the cake shop?

I want to try my luck too!

It's only a story... get back to work!

Sure!

Mainly for Women, take one

Hello, Miss Wu

Hello, Mr. Fang

Here with us today

is a newcomer of Cantonese Opera

Why are you so interested

in Cantonese Opera?

Sorry, try again

Let's start from here

Since I was a kid...

She can't stand it

Sorry,

I can't help laughing

Director

Shoot her part first

and shoot mine later

Okay, cut...

Shen-shen, take his place

Good take! We're done!

Pack up

Mr. Fang!

Do you have time to see me tonight?

Sure...

Pack up...

I have 2 tickets, please bring your wife

I'm not married

Then bring your girlfriend

I don't have one

I'll bring a special guest to keep you company

I'll be there!

What are you looking at?

Nothing!

Kids are not allowed to watch?

No, they can watch anything

Is she beautiful?

Yes

I'll tell her later

You know her?

Yes, for a few years

Does she have a boyfriend?

No

Only a husband and a son

But Daddy left us

You're her son?

I'm supposed to be the special guest

“m Fang Man-hm'

I know

She said the sissy is Mr. Fang

Play by ear...

Let's go

Say something nice to your Mother

Like what?

Tell her she was good

But she fell down!

Say something nice and humor her

How? Show me

Compliment her on her acting and singing

Don't mention her little accident

or the catcalls

I'll remember that! Follow me!

Mom!

Miss Wu

Did you thank Mr. Fang for brining you?

I brought him here, he doesn't know the way

Don't get smart!

Did he give you any trouble?

Not at all!

Mom, I want to say something

Like what?

Don't worry, I know what to say

You fell brilliantly

Nobody noticed it

Nobody booed you

Miss Wu...

It's your fault

You made Mom cry

Thanks for the ride

Not at all. It's on the way

Exacfly!

Don't be rude!

Clever boy, I like him

Liar!

Ming!

I'm getting off now

You twisted your ankle

Shall I take you to the doctor?

I can't

After that, can we go to the movies?

Will you do me the honor?

I will. What about you, Mom?

Ming!

I need the time off anyway

Hung!

Tired?

Let's go

Do Do!

Asst. Pilot

That bastard again?

Wait for me outside, I'll get rid of him

Don't be long!

I'll wait for you

Bastard!

I'll buy you dinner

I guarantee

strictly business

I have a boyfriend

I know, but he's not your type

You'll be moved by my sincerity

You know I love you

Maybe next time!

What about tonight?

Give me a chance. O.K?

Trust me!

You know I love you!

Give me a chance OK?

Why won't you give me a chance?

Just this once!

Trust me, it's strictly business

I love you!

Do Do!

Do Do...

I love you, give me a chance

"I'm falling in love...?"

Brother!

Hung, you're back!

Who's falling in love?

Can't you see my pimple?

When I was in Kyushu

I bought you this knife

It's a good knife!

Thanks

Darling, have some water

Thanks

I bought these comics for Sheng

Where is he?

He was just here

He's heartbroken

Such a sad song!

In the garden

Ying-ying is history!

Thanks to your advice

Of course, everything is my fault!

Hello!

Blockhead! It's Ying-ying!

Don't look down on him

He still has a chance

Hello!

Good!

Well?

She invited me to play ping pong

That's good

She has a boyfriend

Big deal!

He's tall

So?

He's a good player

So what?

We'll back you up!

Don't worry!

Ying-Ying!

Morning!

Let me introduce Ying-ying

My brother and his fianc? e

You invited them to watch you lose?

Stand aside!

You're wrong, Big Guy

We're here to back him up

as he arm-wrestles you

Piece of cake!

Darling, what do you think?

Take him on! Put him in his place!

Then beat him in ping pong

Sure...

If I lose both rounds

I'll give up Ying-ying

You!

Proceed as planned...

- I'll be the referee - Sure!

On my count to three...

Ready!

How exciting!

One

One and half

Two

Two and a half

Three

Oh, God!

You lost! I

It's not fair!

Why not? You lost!

Stop squabbling, let's play ball...

What's wrong with you?

Can't face your own defeat?

Ping Pong won't kill you!

My brother is younger

let him serve first!

You're dead!

Look! You're nose is bleeding

Did I do a good job?

You collaborated against him

My brother is madly in love with you

What do you say?

Don't hesitate! He's a nice guy!

What are you doing? What did you say?

Come on, don't be shy!

Here, hold her hand!

Eat it while it's hot!

Come on!

Go ahead!

Go and have a good time!

Get going!

Bye!

Told you not to see it! Stop crying!

Such a stupid director

What a tear jerker!

You cried too!

Want to grab a bite?

I want to eat...

8-Star Cookies

We'll go there right now

The shop closes at 10. There's still time

Good!

Mr Fang

You really like these cookies!

They are my favourite for the past three years

You're dedicated

Girls are lucky to have you

I'll see if Ming is asleep

Let there be thunder and lightning

She'll ask me to stay

Such a rainstorm

I didn't bring an umbrella

How can I go home?

I'll get you one

Don't let her find it!

Here!

Thank you

Don't mention it

Take care, it's slippery outside

Goodbye!

Lightning too!

It's dangerous to drive to Yuen Long

in this weather

You're right

You better stay the night

Sure...

Sorry to trouble you

Sorry you have to sleep on the sofa

Sofa?

I hope she can't sleep

If she'll come out for a chat

I'd rather lose two years of my life

You're still up, Mr. Fang?

I can't sleep. How about a drink?

There goes two years of my life!

Cheers, Mr. Fang!

Cheers!

One more!

What's matter?

Bitch!

Good!

You can scare him off for me

Time to pee!

300687

Don't call back ever again!

You sounded like my brother!

I am your brother

If you call again

I'll kill you

Good! What did you say about his brother?

I told him I'm a mafia boss

You do sound like

his pervert brother

Really?

Of course not

You're so nice and well educated

How could you be that pervert?

If I find out who they are

They're dead!

They're such a nuisance

They're shameless

I sprained my ankle

in the middle of the night

to answer the pervert's phone call

And I was booed offstage

Sorry, I forgot your pajamas

Hang up first

You probably can't wear my husband's pajamas

You can wear mine

These are his slippers. Please try them on

Thank you

He has big feet!

Is he a giant?

Yes

He calls himself a music giant

He's over 30 and is still a dreamer

Too highbrow to go popular

He's been unemployed for over a year

He was offered a music director job

But when they changed one note

He quit

Where is he now?

Learning zitar in India

India?

Maybe it suits him better

Only Indians understand his music

I like Chinese music, he likes Western music

We're not compatible

If ever I look for a husband again

I'll find someone who likes Cantonese opera

I like Cantonese Opera!

I think you and Lang should get married

Wait till he makes something of himself

But he never sticks to any job

He'll settle down if he has a family

I thought about that...

I'll transfer to ground

by then...

I'll have more time for him

I never know what's on his mind

If I had a nice girlfriend

like you

I'll get married right away

Dinner!

Come and get me!

I'd give anything if you're more like your brother

Come on, dinner time

If you like him so much

Why don't you marry him?

I will if you won't change

You have my blessing

I don't want him to feel lonely

when we're so blissfully happy

You think so little of me!

“5 Mr. Fang Man-hm home?

Miss Wu?

Please come in

This is my brother Jian-Iang

His girlfriend Do Do

My youngest brother Jian-sheng and his girlfriend Ying-ying

This is Miss Wu Fen-fang

A friend of mine

You mean your girlfriend?

Ming, say hello!

Hi!

Good! Buy one get one free?

Hello!

It's full moon tonight

I have good news

Jian-Iang and Hung are getting married

Don't...

You object?

I never said that

Good! What about you, Hung?

Miss Cheng

Congratulations!

Let's have a toast!

Thank you!

Cheers!

A call!

Hello!

Handsome, it's Beautiful

Hold on...

Yes, producer?

You want me to play the lead?

A classic story? Good...

Hold on...

Want me in a period drama?

I'm not sure if I can do it

Enjoy your meal

I'm back! Keep talking!

It's exciting to make love on a full moon

You should try it

You're game?

Are you scared?

Says who?

Pick me up after work!

Let me think!

Are you hesitating?

I'll be right there!

You can fool around any other time

But not tonight

You just forced me to marry Hung

I made no objection

The Tokyu Queen is mine!

This is my last fling before I get married

It's for your own good

Your fianc? e is right outside

How can you leave?

I'll manage if you play along

Even if all my girls are here

I can still break away

Mr. Fang is such a good cook

The rice is cold, I'll get you another bowl

So what if it's cold?

Are you protesting the call?

Are you?

Answer me!

It's business!

I'm not like that pilot of yours

They needed me for a role in a period drama

You have no idea how worried I am

It's alright! Let's eat

OK

What is this? Did you do this?

You gave me the best pieces

What about the others?

They're our guests!

It's impolite leaving the bones behind

Miss Wu did it

Then it's even worse

You're my fianc? e

You should do it

Don't pout!

Finish eating

Don't pout, hear me?

On my count to three, if you don't stop

I'm walking out this door

One, two, three...

Sorry, Hung, I'm in a bad mood

Can you imagine me in a period drama?

Sorry!

Sorry, it's my fault

No, they're always like that

We're used to it

Yes... we quarrel all the time

Even fight!

We even end up in the hospital

But we're never seriously hurt

Let's play a game

Good idea! What game?

Something we haven't played in a while

It was Lang's favorite!

What is it?

He used to call up some bitch

and tell her to take a piss

Why?

Because she was bitchy

and called my brother a pervert

What's the number?

Tell me the number? 300...

300687

How do you know?

Because I'm the bitch!

So you're the dirty, cheap,

miserable pervert

Ming, let's go!

Fen-fang, listen to me...

Please don't go!

We're going to the movies

What movie?

Just go!

You don't want to stay

Hi!

Hi!

I saw your bespectacled boyfriend

So?

He pointed his finger at my nose

and blamed me for taking his girl

What did you do?

I showed him

I chopped off his finger to make you a gift

It's still moving!

How gross!

I'll get you!

I'll give you the chance

Where are we going?

Home!

Home?

Daddy is playing mahjong all night

Mom is in bed by now

Making love on a full moon is exciting

How so?

It hurts!

A hickie!

I can't stand it

Where's your mother's room?

Over there. Quiet!

Auntie!

Shut up!

Auntie, time to get up and pee

Hey! This way!

How do I look?

- Beautiful! - Of course!

My brother used to put me in girls' clothing

I look good in women's clothes

This side too

I need to pee

Ready...

Don't touch unless you're a pervert

Let's see

Serves you right!

You tricked me!

You're home, honey!

Why are you so late?

Where are my glasses?

I can't see a thing! Help me!

It's broken! I'll get a new pair tomorrow

Come in, I want to talk to you

Come on!

Go into my room!

What are you doing?

Not now!

Come in!

Coming...

Darling, you must settle down

Behave yourself

You're precious like a first-run theatre

If you keep fooling around

You be downgraded to second-run

Say something!

Why are you covering your face?

Mom...

Don't cry!

It's for your own good!

Where...

- have I seen you before? - Who is that?

Don't cry...

- My Dad! - Daddy!

I don't have a son like you

Daddy!

You adulterer...

Darling, what are you doing?

I caught you in bed, adulterer!

What's wrong with you?

You grabbed my chest!

What's the matter with you?

You're drunk!

Lang is in a bad mood

Please forgive him

I think he's fooling around

He won't settle down

He's faced with temptations

He can shop around

but he'll never find

someone better than you

He'll realize that soon

Damn! She's already on the platter...

I have to work on the script

Have a chat!

Darling, you should be angry at me

Give me one minute to explain!

Please sit down!

I was a jerk and I was wrong

You should be mad at me

When the TV station called

I thought I was the lead

But now I realized

I only have two lines

and didn't need to go back for the script

Do you know how I feel?

I bet you don't

Just like this! Such a damper!

I was so depressed

I took a stroll in Kowloon Park alone

When I see all those lovebirds

walking past me in pairs

Who came to mind? You!

I felt so inferior!

I don't have the guts to come home to you

Are you done?

Yes!

There was a busted sewer

The park is closed! Nice try!

Who said Kowloon Park?

I meant Little Kowloon Park

What's that?

It's a hickie!

Hickie?

What hickie?

It's a hickie!

Everything is a lie

You went out to see a girl

Darling

Don't pout!

On my count to three, let me go! One, two, three...

Did you get it?

Get what?

The mark!

What mark?

The hereditary mark!

We get it on full moon

Now I remember!

Look!

Hereditary?

Would my brother lie?

Really?

It's not a hickie!

"The sun, moon..."

"Can't sleep...?

You should have one too

What?

Let me see your neck

No, don't look at it!

I'm vindicated!

It's my first time. Leave me alone!

How could you!

We'll find something

to get rid of the mark

Say it!

Last night I proposed to Do Do

Really?

We'll get married at the end of the year

Good!

Don't be shy!

I have good news too

You too?

Ying and I will be engaged at the end of this month

That's excellent!

80 soon?

I can't come to your party

Why?

I'll be on my last trip

We'll celebrate again when I get back

Coming!

Ying ying, you're a good cook

That's why Sheng is hitched

Bye!

Bye!

Oh shit!

Darling, I have to go back to the TV station

I'll give you a ride

Bye!

Bye!

Even though I only have two lines

It's still a contribution, right?

Yes!

Hey!

Where is your Mom, Ming?

Mom, it's Uncle Fang

Tell him I went out

Mom said she went out

Hang up!

Mom wants me to hang up

Hello!

A Dish A Day with Mr. Fang

Mom, the creep is on TV

Change channel, I don't want to see him

There's a letter from a Mr. Fang

His girlfriend Miss Wu is angry at him

Mom, he's talking about you

So we're making an "Apology Soup?"

We hope Miss Wu will accept Mr. Fang's apology

Seven red chillis

Five green peppers

Two Thai chillis

Two taels of pepper

Spicy herbs

Two old gingers

And extra spicy curry powder

Mix them together

Who is this for?

Definitely not for Miss Wu

It's for Mr. Fang

I'm sorry!

Stupid!

"Music was heard through the night?"

Wu's residence

Ming, where's your Mom?

It's Uncle Fang again!

"Please listen to all my complaints?"

She's still not home

I'll come by right now

I'm downstairs!

Don't! I'm not home either

Open up!

I just got home!

- My Mom... - I know she said she's not home

Please give her this invitation

to Sheng and Ying-ying's engagement party

She's welcome to bring you along

I'll be there

But I don't know about her

Did you see me on TV?

Yes, but I switched it off

Mom said it was stupid

Very well, bye!

Bye!

Thank you!

Congratulations!

Thank you!

Thanks...

Have a drink!

Make yourself at home. Have a seat...

Help yourself...

Congratulations!

Thanks...

Have a drink!

Congratulations!

Thank you!

Congratulations!

Thank you

I think she's not coming!

Don't be disheartened

Miss Wu is my future mother-in-law's student

I'm sure she'll be here

Auntie!

When will you teach me Cantonese Opera?

At the "Mainly for Women? Anniversary special

You sang rather well

That was nothing

I'll teach you Cantonese opera

if you'll teach me how to cook

It's a deal!

Sure!

It's almost time!

The ceremony will start in ten minutes

I'll get ready

Ying-ying...

Where's Lang?

Where the hell is he?

Why did you invite me?

That's enough...

Doing it in public is more fun

You're naughty...

I'm busy!

What's up?

Come here!

He always shows up

at the most inopportune time

Hold that thought!

Hold it...

You asshole!

You should be entertaining the guests

But you're screwing around with a whore

What?

I've spent four months to woo

this Tokyu Queen

Come here!

That hurts!

You promised to marry Hung

But you're cheating on her now

Is she here?

She has her last flight, this is my last fling

I want a good time before I get hitched

She's my prey

Can't you let me have some fun?

Do whatever you like!

Thank you!

Let's carry on

We're reunited...

Asshole!

Congratulations!

Thanks! I thought you can't make it

The thunderstorm in Taipei

turned the plane around

So here I am!

Thanks

Where's Lang?

Sorry! I thought it was Lang

Yes, we look alike from afar

Honey”.

What are you doing?

Congratulations!

Thanks, my dear!

Mom... it's Uncle Fang

You're here early, Miss Wu

Have a drink!

Lang!

It's not me!

What are you doing?

Stay away!

What's the meaning of this?

Hugging and kissing me

Pushing me around

Watch what you're saying

They'll get the wrong idea! Let me explain

Miss Wu

She's not my brother's girlfriend

She's a guest at the party

Right...

Sorry!

I'm here for the party

Of course!

Not to hear about your romances

Right!

- Miss Wu - Sheng, Ying-ying, congratulations!

- Excuse me! - Miss Wu!

Leaving already?

Miss Wu...

That girl has nothing to do with my brother

She's mine! Let me explain

- Miss Wu, please stay! - Come here, Handsome!

Hey...

If she's your girlfriend, what about me?

Who are you?

Go ahead and introduce yourselves!

You asshole!

Don't call me again!

Darling, she hit me!

She must love me more!

You think...

Hung”.

I'm seeing stars...

Where's my brother? Too many stars...

This is not a game

Sorry, I've got you involved

Let's go, Mom!

Come on, Mom!

Your Mom is out again?

Fine! Just tell her

Uncle Fang didn't call again

Bye!

The "buy 1 get 1 free? offer is over?

Maybe I should give up

Forget it! If you want a woman

Go into my room

Choose any one from my 19 districts

Hung is a good girl

Don't be so fickle!

Did you call her to apologize?

See these flowers?

Good! Explain to her in person

Explain? No way!

She has seen me with other girls before

So what?

She always gets over it

Competition keeps her in line

You made a mess last night

Do you know what she's thinking?

I do

I can read her mind

She won't get away!

She'll do as I say

I'm on to her

I may look like a sissy

But I'm not stupid

Forgot to wear a coat!

Darling, I'm cold

Stop pouting! I'm going out

Darling, they say three roses

mean 'I love you'

What about five roses?

It means 'I love you very much'!

I'm sending you a dozen

You know what it means?

I have no idea

It means I hate your guts

What about a gift?

I'm so touched!

Thank you!

Go to hell!

Hi!

You're free today?

Get in!

Thank you

Thank you

What would you like?

I have never been here before

What's good here?

The steak is good

What about foie gras? It's delicious!

Sure!

Anything else?

I want seafood

- Yours? - Yes

That's enough, let's go home!

Who do you think I am?

Don't forget

We have announced our marriage

I'm your husband

and you're my wife!

Not anymore! Not after that woman!

Right!

Sorry, please sit down

He's guilty, I'm innocent

Every time I let you go

I was in pain

Every man fools around

Whoever doesn't is in danger

Just like measles

Once you had it, you're immune for life

I fooled around and now we can get married

I'll love you forever!

What you have is herpes not measles!

What herpes?

It's none of your business!

Shut up, asshole!

Please keep it down, sir!

I don't know this man

He's disturbing us

I must ask you to leave, sir!

Fine!

You don't know me?

- Don't mind him - Sir...

Draught beer, please

We only serve members, sir

Are you a member?

I'm not!

Whatever...

What a bore!

I know that!

But I really love you

Do Do, I love you!

You're gross

I know that too, but I'm cute

Please accept this as a token of my love

It's beautiful and so big!

A big diamond ring indeed!

Which finger should I wear it on?

This one?

Suit yourself!

I love it

Don't go away...

He can't swim!

Then he's showing off!

That's none of your business!

Let me test the water...

"I fly... up up to the sky?"

Lang!

You look excited!

Yes, I bought champagne

Darling, they cast me

in a 60-part serial drama

What is it called?

The Condor Hero

You play the lead?

No, I play the condor

- What? - Condor?

The condor is the co-star

and it's cute

If I do well

I'll co-star with Andy Lau in the sequel

When we shot the stills

the crew called me the seafood condor

What does it mean?

Darling, what does that mean?

I don't know

Let's open the champagne

"Up up... to the sky?"

Deal?

Me?

I got a deal for my comic

Blockhead? will be in published!

Excellent!

Congratulations!

What's there to celebrate?

Everyone, the garden!

He's playing a sad song

Go to talk to him!

Brother

Brother

Give him so comfort

If Miss Wu ignores you

Find someone else!

Don't be so upset!

Don't be stupid!

Lang has a leading role

and my comic will be published

We bought champagne

Let's celebrate!

Good for you, but I'm not in the mood

We'll celebrate tomorrow

I'll start cooking

Hey...

Brother...

What a drag!

Darling, let's celebrate!

No!

Why not?

You're too much!

Your brother slaved himself

to support the two of you

Now you've made a name for yourself

and make fun of him

You're stupid

We...

Forget what we said

Darling? What can we do now?

If he's in love with Miss Wu

We must help them

We'll explain to Miss Wu

My Mom is doing a charity show with her

Let's talk to her back stage

Bring your brother along

Let's go

What about the champagne?

What?

The champagne

Wait till they have reconciled

OK

The stage manager said

we have a full house tonight

Really?

Ying-ying and Sheng are coming

Mom!

Auntie

- Why are you so late? - Miss Zheng

Miss Wu

About last time...

Sorry, I have a show to do

I need to concentrate

We'll talk later

We'll wait!

Ying-ying told me everything

I didn't know you and Fen-fang

had such an intriguing encounter

I'll help you after the show

Thank you

What's the show tonight?

Right!

There are three segments

I'm in 'The Reunion' of Hairpin Romance

Mom!

What is it?

Sit down, Auntie!

Sit down, Auntie!

You're on next!

- What's wrong with her? - She has asthma

Asthma?!

Asthma?!

What now?

Let Fang...

What?

He can do it!

Let my brother take her place

You're Mr. Fang?

Please help us out!

I've seen you on TV...

You'll be fine

I can't...

Don't worry

The audience will like it

Please help us!

If it's Ok with you...

You want a chance to explain anyway

Do it on stage

Go on!

What shall I say?

Tell her how you feel

Come on, we're all set!

Please drink this

Consider this my apology

"Tears over a moonlit night"

"Our dreams are shattered"

"Listen to me, we meet again tonight"

"I'm sorry about the phone"

"Please don't be angry"

"Please hear me out"

'My heart aches upon seeing yu"

"No more excuses"

"Don't bother to explain'

"I don't want to listen to you"

"You've ruined the "Hairpin Romance?"

"I'm sorry I have hurt you"

"I was wrong to disturb you at night"

"I blame the ear-splitting rings'

"for my sprained ankle"

"I ended up with catcalls from the audience"

"Please forgive me"

"What about your brother's engagement party?"

'It was a misunderstanding"

"I saw you with my own eyes"

"You held a girl in your arms"

"Men are all lechers"

"You succumbed to her charm"

"You frolicked with her"

"Don't try to fool me"

Huan Sha...

Help me inside

I'm Huan

I'm Sha

We brought Master Huang along

"It was truly a misunderstand"

"His brother was foooling around"

"He took his place"

"and tried to cover for him"

"Calm down, he knows there's no excuse"

"You should respect him"

"for protecting his brother:

"That's why you saw him with the girl"

"I saw him kissing her"

"Please don't be jealous"

"He didn't mean for you to see him"

"Please don't blame him"

"and torture him"

"He's wasting away because of you"

"like a drug addict"

"Please forgive him"

"We'll be eternally grateful"

"Please accept his explanation"

"Let him speak his mind"

"Everything will be fine"

"Smile for us!"

She's smiling! Everything's fine!

What about the show?

What now?

We'll take this happy ending

and wish everyone great happiness

We are reunited

Like I. Shi-Iang and Xiao Yu

We're reconciled

Let's have a round of applause

I've been so worried...

Congratulations!

Please don't get me involved next time

Good show!

Well done!

Well done!

I feel better!

Good...

Congratulations!

How do you feel?

I have two free tickets to Hawaii

You're welcome to take them

Consider it your reunion gift

I'll look after Ming

You can rest assured

Nothing to worry about

Time for champagne!

Stop!

The show is not over!

Undo the roller credits!

Time flies while you're having a good time

In just a year

Sheng and Ying-ying have toured the world

After their skiing trip, next stop Ethiopia!

The nut case Beautiful hit the big times

Some stupid film company

cast her as the lead

She's now an actress

But my poor brother...

The music giant returned from India

He promised to settle down

and became a record producer

My brother didn't want to break up their family

So he backed off

He's still single

The only consolation is

He ran into his first love

They still have the same taste

They both like 8-star cookies

I had the biggest achievement

Hung gave birth to quadruplets

I was so busy changing diapers

I have forgotten about the girls from 19 districts

Hung said she wants 19 kids

I'm so lucky!