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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:04,610 Valco! Serves you right. I've prepared something. 2 00:00:05,350 --> 00:00:09,950 Can't you just stop that? Don't forget our brilliant... From booze to biscuits. 3 00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,309 Red hot tails. 4 00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,650 Load to two for one. The finest butchers, the freshest meat. 5 00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,170 Serves us with a smile. 6 00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:20,610 Friendly staff, always happy to help. Am I getting paid for this? Don't forget 7 00:00:20,610 --> 00:00:21,610 the Valco tick. 8 00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:24,870 Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way. Tick. Valco! 9 00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:26,830 Serves you right. 10 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,430 Now with that, it's pleasure foods. 11 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:37,200 Oh, two punctures I had on the way in. Two. I had a big fly in my eye. Well, I 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,420 wondered where you'd got to. I thought you might have slept in after our 13 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:41,660 shenanigans last night. 14 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,240 No, what shenanigans? I had a migraine and just wanted to be held. 15 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,560 No, I meant before that. You were magnificent. 16 00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:52,240 All guilty as charged. I mean, your shuffle -hop step was sublime. 17 00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,340 You know, Jeff talked to us real... It's terrific. 18 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,599 I've opened your eyes to lots of things, haven't I? Jab, tab, Bonnie Tyler, 19 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,800 lasagna. Oh, no, you're so right about lasagna. Flat pasta on a horizontal 20 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:14,120 lattice. I mean, what were they smoking when they came up with that? 21 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:19,400 You know, that's really got me thinking outside the box with healthy eating. 22 00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:24,580 Ah, now, you might want to hold off on any more healthy eating orders for now. 23 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960 Oh, really? 24 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,500 Why? I'm not sure how to tell you this, Fitzy. 25 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:37,700 If you don't get changed out of those shorts pronto, I won't be able to 26 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:42,500 myself. Well, you shall have to wait till tonight. I'll fair up the strong 27 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,100 cheddar to keep the migraines away. 28 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:45,380 Oh! 29 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:52,820 But until then... You're like a 30 00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,400 young Fred Astaire! 31 00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:57,490 And you're like, same age, Ginger Rogers. 32 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:06,830 And I looked at him and I said, don't tell me you forgot our anniversary 33 00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:11,070 Oh, I didn't know you were married to Neville. How many times? 34 00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:13,010 I'm not Linda, I'm Sue. 35 00:02:13,410 --> 00:02:16,010 Oh, I'm sorry, love, I ain't got my glasses on. 36 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,520 What's my fault? It's that bloke in the Volvo. 37 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,560 I'm not saying it was your fault, my sweet, but you really should indicate 38 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,560 you go round corners. 39 00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:24,259 I did. 40 00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,260 Before you turn, not after. 41 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,580 What's all this? Don't ask. 42 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:28,840 Radio. 43 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,520 Neville's been teaching me how to drive and there's, like, loads of nutters out 44 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,600 there. What did that woman shout at me? Don't drive into my children. 45 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,280 Why do you like these people on the roads? 46 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,720 Rather you than me, Nev. I tried to teach Linda myself. It was a bloody 47 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,200 nightmare. You've had lessons before. 48 00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:42,770 Yeah, but not many. 49 00:02:43,070 --> 00:02:44,070 25. 50 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,510 25 times I put my life in her hands. 51 00:02:46,770 --> 00:02:49,050 She's unfeachable. Er, maybe for you. 52 00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,630 But Neville's not a quitter, are you? No, no. 53 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:55,590 Well, to be fair, the thought had crossed my mind. Right. Well, I'll go 54 00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:56,590 strike then, shall I? 55 00:02:56,630 --> 00:02:59,010 How about I refuse to cook for you until you help me pass my test? 56 00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:02,570 To be honest, I do most of the cooking, so... I'm not doing any cleaning, then. 57 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,470 Again, it's mainly me. 58 00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:08,130 Well, you're not getting any you -know -what. She's also something I tend to do 59 00:03:08,130 --> 00:03:09,069 on my own, still. 60 00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,410 Point taken. I shall see you in the car park at one. 61 00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:15,350 Hello, Colin. 62 00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,950 You're not on shift today, you know. I'm not paying you overtime, you know. I 63 00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:19,970 don't want any money, Gavin. 64 00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:23,330 At least not from Valco. If I want a tenner, I'll just get it off Neville. 65 00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:26,070 I'm here because I want to work. 66 00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:30,770 Oh, well, good for you. You know, that is exactly the kind of can -do spirit 67 00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:33,470 that epitomises this whole healthy eating campaign. 68 00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:34,890 Yeah, definitely. 69 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,650 What's healthy eating? 70 00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:40,370 I'm going to pretend that that's a joke and finish my breakfast. 71 00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:44,690 To be honest, Gav, I need a break from Lisa. 72 00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,030 Do you know we've been trying for a baby? 73 00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:50,790 Oh, lovely. Yeah, and we're, like, doing it all the time. 74 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:55,640 And at first, you're like, oh, well, this is just fantastic, even if that is 75 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,680 raw. But now, because she hasn't got pregnant yet, Gav, she wants to do it 76 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,520 and more often, and she wants to try every position. 77 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:07,280 Me talking doggy, wheelbarrow, propeller, the butter churner. I really 78 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,780 finish my breakfast. She just keeps ramming it down my throat and making me 79 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:14,300 swallow. You know, it's like, um, I don't know how to explain it. I have 80 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,460 completely lost my appetite. 81 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,300 Yes, exactly that. 82 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:24,940 When travelling on the motorway, should you post updates on A, Facebook, B, 83 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,140 Instagram, or C, both? 84 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:32,160 Erm... Both. Correct! You are so going to pass. 85 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,400 Here's one for you. 86 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:37,800 What's the stopping distance of a sales rep travelling at 6 miles an hour? 87 00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,580 What? It's a trick question. 88 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,520 You cannot be stopped. 89 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,460 God, I admire you. 90 00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,500 Here, have a sugar butter bite. 91 00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,740 100 % real sugar. 92 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,840 Anyway, you don't need driving lessons. 93 00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:53,700 A good -looking girl like you should be chauffeured everywhere. 94 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,220 Shut up. I'm just going to go and throw this up. 95 00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:00,340 Linda, I've got a question for you, my sweet. 96 00:05:00,580 --> 00:05:04,380 Is it why you're going out with me? No, although I do get that a lot. No, it's 97 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:05,219 about the driving. 98 00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,220 Whatever. 99 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,400 What is it, Neville? 100 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:17,280 Rather than going out in an actual car on roads, might we try a bit of role 101 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,420 for the driving? 102 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:19,840 If you want. 103 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:22,760 That's the only roleplay you'll be getting, though. You should be grateful 104 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,360 even attempting to teach you. Since when did you take Neville's side and not 105 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,780 mine? I have to say, it's nice, but slightly confusing, Sue. Shut your face, 106 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:30,940 Neville. 107 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,320 That's better. 108 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,200 Are you crying, Gavin? 109 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,860 Oh, no, no, no. It was very windy when I cycled in. I've got a big fly in my 110 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:45,280 eye. Well, you might be crying because there are hardly any customers. 111 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,920 Oh, no, it's a Tuesday morning. 112 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,620 Yeah, Tuesdays are always a bit funny. 113 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,780 Yeah, I see what you mean, actually. 114 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,800 Oh, God. No, no, no, more funny odds, not funny ha -ha. 115 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,200 Oh. 116 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,280 Excuse me. 117 00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,100 Could you direct me to the local history section, please? 118 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,680 What are you talking about? This is a library, isn't it? 119 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,800 You scared off all the customers with your healthy eating bollocks. 120 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,600 What do you want, Duncan? 121 00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,400 I'm meeting your missus later for a full body massage. 122 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,880 A full body massage? 123 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,120 I mean meeting. 124 00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:16,700 Although, who knows? 125 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,260 But first I want to commiserate. What are you talking about, Trench? I'm 126 00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,640 about your healthy eating thing. 127 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,920 Warrington sales are at an all -time low. 128 00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,000 What? He said Warrington sales are at an all -time low. If I know what he said, 129 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:28,060 I just don't understand why. 130 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,200 Your word is head office want to take your pet project to the vet. 131 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,780 Give it a lethal injection to the face. 132 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,900 What? He said head office want to take your... Will you please just stop 133 00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:37,900 talking, Si? 134 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,260 Cheryl hasn't told you? 135 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,500 Oh, and shit! 136 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,980 Well, I don't know what ridiculous rumours you think you've heard. They're 137 00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:49,620 rumours, they're facts. Everyone knows. Pleasure Foods, all your other 138 00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,400 suppliers, probably even him. 139 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,480 Yes, I do, but only because I read Cheryl's emails. 140 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:54,359 You what? 141 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,560 By the way, her cousin got engaged. 142 00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:57,060 Finally. 143 00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:58,580 Face it, Gavin. 144 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:01,780 You've damned this branch with your healthy eating plague. 145 00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,700 It's going down. 146 00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:05,680 And so are you. 147 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:10,620 Just don't shite. 148 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,140 Nothing. 149 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,900 No, nothing, Nev. 150 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,400 Normally when a babe like that walks past, you could pitch a tent on this bad 151 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,140 boy. But now, I just feel numb and lifeless. 152 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:28,020 Is this what it's like being you? 153 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,920 Actually, Colin, I've got a very healthy libido. Quite frustrating at the 154 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,440 moment. Linda's denying me conjugal rights until she passes her driving 155 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:40,800 Oh, you lucky bastard. All I get at the minute is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 156 00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:44,160 It's becoming boring and depressing. It's like working with you. 157 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,720 Uh, Colin, well, since you're here, can I at least do something? This counter's 158 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,540 just filthy. Just give it a clean, please. 159 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:50,940 I'm in turmoil here, Gavin. 160 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,680 Oh, thingy. 161 00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:55,680 Shy. Whatever. 162 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,740 Gavin said, clean the meat counter and get me a can of Stella. 163 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,300 When I first started working here, Gavin said, do not do anything, Colin. 164 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,640 He'll just take advantage of you. 165 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,180 I dread to think what he said about me. Nothing. 166 00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,080 Literally, he didn't even mention me. 167 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,400 I can't even control the div's shelf -stacking, Ev. 168 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,000 It's like I've been castrated. 169 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,520 What do you feel, Ev? 170 00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:23,820 It's quite a cold. 171 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,640 Is it true? 172 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,500 Healthy eating put the branch in danger. 173 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,980 I was going to tell you. 174 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,559 But you didn't, though. You just look so sweet and vulnerable. 175 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,480 Your helmet always has that effect on me. 176 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,500 I had to hear it through Duncan Trench. 177 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,640 You know, the last time I was this humiliated is when I flipped off a horse 178 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,539 merry -go -round. 179 00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:50,440 All the kids, they laughed and jeered as they lay on the floor bleeding. 180 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,220 And I helped you up, remember? 181 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,480 Just like I'm going to help you now over this... 182 00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:56,890 Minor failure. 183 00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:03,350 But I wanted to fly the flag for healthy eating. And instead I've hit this 184 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:06,850 iceberg of hydrogenated trans -fatany numbers. 185 00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:10,110 That metaphor might need some work. I know it needs work. 186 00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:11,990 I'm so sorry. 187 00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,330 Melchiodas? 188 00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:21,850 You've been sneaking pleasure foods, chocolate. 189 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,490 Forge nuggets. 190 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,480 We're meant to be setting an example to our customers. 191 00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:32,880 You agreed that we'd be the major Tim Peake of the supermarket industry. 192 00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:37,520 True and just and everything that's healthy and good in this world. I know, 193 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,800 I'm sorry, but sometimes I find Tim Peake just a bit boring. 194 00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:42,140 What? 195 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:49,340 So all those times we watched him live in space, you were faking it? No, no. 196 00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,900 Maybe once or twice. 197 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,340 You're so convincing. 198 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:59,380 All those oohs and ahhs. What if I wanted you to enjoy it? To be honest, I 199 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:02,820 just tired and I wanted to go to sleep, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. 200 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,760 We are still talking about the live broadcast from the International Space 201 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:09,780 Station. Yes, we are, yes, and I'm so sorry. But most of all, I'm sorry about 202 00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:10,780 healthy eating. 203 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,160 It's over, Gavin, love. 204 00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:17,500 Today is a good day. 205 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,880 No, a great day. And do you know why? 206 00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:23,160 You've been fired and you're looking for some rope. 207 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:27,760 Aisle three. I love it. And for the record, I dropped the five series off a 208 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,760 cliff. 209 00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:37,680 Today is a good day because healthy eating is normal. 210 00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:41,240 Oi, leave him alone. I like looking at him. 211 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,740 Well, you better get used to it, darling. 212 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:48,520 Because pretty soon, all these healthy eating displays will be replaced with my 213 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,520 product. 214 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,540 I'm in charge of Castle Falco now. 215 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,520 What are you banging on about? 216 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:55,679 I came. 217 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,680 I saw. 218 00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,220 I kicked Gavin's arse. 219 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:06,220 The king is dead. 220 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,020 Long live the me. 221 00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,420 Bow end. 222 00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:14,480 Bring on the trumpet and stop the clocks. 223 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,900 I give you the next big thing from Pleasure Pooh. 224 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,150 Assailant. It's going to make you a packet. Go on, pick a number. 225 00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:24,470 Um, four. 226 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:29,850 And add 15 zeros. That is literally how much money this baby's going to make you 227 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:30,930 in year one. 228 00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,170 400 quadrillion? Exactly. 229 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:38,610 This stuff will put hairs on your chest and feet. This is the Jeff Capes of 230 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:39,569 energy drinks. 231 00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:42,270 And I'm offering you the chance to be the first to sell it. 232 00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:44,890 Jeff Capes was my first crush. 233 00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:47,330 So then, I think, decision made. 234 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,020 It's very tempting, Duncan. 235 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:57,460 But I'm going to need more time to think about it. This drink is totally at odds 236 00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:59,260 with Gavin's healthy eating campaign. 237 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:04,940 Well, it must be difficult to support someone who's losing the branch so much 238 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,160 money and putting everyone's jobs at risk. 239 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,820 Still, I can respect the loyalty. 240 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,720 Knock, knock. 241 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,260 Oh, Cheryl, please. 242 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:15,620 I'm a man. 243 00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,580 Man, you'll have to watch this one, Gavin. She's a right firecracker. 244 00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,880 Oh, thank you, Gavin. 245 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,980 Oh, has somebody already bought you flowers? 246 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,220 Great minds, eh? Yeah, but these are really sweet. 247 00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,060 By sweet, she means small. 248 00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:31,400 So, back to business, though. 249 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,760 Do you need a break to discuss the size of Gavin's bunch? 250 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,780 Assailant? What's this noxious monstrosity? 251 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,560 Yeah, Gavin. I bet it's bubblegum -flavoured paint stripper. Probably 252 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,259 the dark. 253 00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,260 It does. 254 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,700 To help poor children read without a torch. 255 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,300 Valco will not now or ever sell that poison. 256 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,040 Now, now, clear your pitch up and get out, please. Duncan, will you give us a 257 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,040 minute, please? 258 00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:00,280 Well, may I just say how offended I am, as a feminist, that you would undermine 259 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,920 your girlfriend at work. 260 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,640 Don't women have enough to contend with? 261 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,580 I'll call you later, sweetheart. 262 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:09,900 Let me get this straight. 263 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:16,650 you're willing to cancel my healthy eating campaign and sell that... Why can 264 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:17,650 not think of an adjective? 265 00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:18,990 Because you're being irrational. 266 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,290 I mean, this is business. 267 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:21,550 It's not personal. 268 00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:24,350 Just because we eat lasagna doesn't mean we're in the mafia show. 269 00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:30,190 Now, I'm going to give healthy eating one last push. And when I have proven to 270 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:34,370 you that it can be profitable, then I hope that you will have the decency not 271 00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:35,890 sign that contract. 272 00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,430 Just don't forget to trim the stalks. They'll last longer. 273 00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:51,110 Have you been out driving again? We had a little accident. 274 00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:53,990 It wasn't really we, though, was it, dear? It was your car. 275 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,810 Yes, and my no -claims bonus. 276 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,170 It wasn't my fault, anyway. 277 00:13:57,410 --> 00:14:01,050 Who's put me off? You know you did. I don't see how my breathing counts as a 278 00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:02,410 noise. It's distracting, Neville. 279 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:05,630 And I try to hold my breath, but it's a bit of a strain doing it for the whole 280 00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:07,530 lesson. Neville, are you bleeding? 281 00:14:07,870 --> 00:14:12,050 Yes, I did suffer quite a confused nosebleed when I managed to stem the 282 00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,209 And I was sorry. 283 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,210 Yes, you did, my darling. 284 00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:18,230 Eventually. I can't quite believe I'm saying this, but this man's a saint 285 00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,410 teaching you to drive. 286 00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:21,750 I'll go and get you a wet paper towel, then. 287 00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,770 Do you know, I can't quite believe you're saying it either, but thank you, 288 00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,570 Shame about the write -off. 289 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:33,750 It wasn't a write -off. Just hanged it a bit. I was talking about my car. 290 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,320 Although we are going to have to inform the owner of the pranged car, too. 291 00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:39,680 Sue's going to kill me. 292 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,180 Margaret? 293 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:43,920 What have you got for depression? 294 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:46,040 Gone with the wind makes me depressed. 295 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,280 You know that bit where a helicopter crashes? 296 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,420 Oh, I find that so upsetting. 297 00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:52,479 Never mind. 298 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,900 Well, you look a bit sad, Colin. 299 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,860 Come and talk to your Auntie Margaret. 300 00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:59,440 Me and Lisa are trying for a baby. 301 00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:01,020 Oh, she's asleep with Neville? 302 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,139 That's Linda. 303 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:06,360 Margaret? I'm talking about Lisa. We're trying for a baby, yeah? And she just 304 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,080 keeps making me... You know. 305 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,340 Oh, I was the same with my Alan when we were trying. 306 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,580 Really? And he'd got a big one. 307 00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:16,320 Probably bigger than yours. 308 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:19,860 But when I got pregnant, my nagging paid off. 309 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,200 He gave up that blasted pipe. 310 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,320 And that's what you should do. I don't smoke a pipe, Margaret, because I'm not 311 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,320 112. 312 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,180 I'm talking about what happens when things get dirty in the bedroom. 313 00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,380 You put them in the wash basket. 314 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,840 I can't believe I'm talking about this to you. 315 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,260 I've been married for 40 years. 316 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:43,300 I've got two children, four grandchildren. 317 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,640 Did I ever tell you what happened on my wedding night? 318 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,260 Oh, it was disgusting. 319 00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,160 And there's your sausages. 320 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,240 How did Sue take the news? 321 00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:56,460 She tried to tell everybody. 322 00:15:56,700 --> 00:16:00,200 I don't know how she's going to be so angry with us. Again, my love, it was 323 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,119 who was driving. 324 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,920 In your car, all your stupid breathing noises. 325 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,920 All right, all right. Never fear, Neville is here. 326 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,860 Sue and I seem to have bonded over teaching you to drive. I'm sure she'll 327 00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,480 fine if I tell her. 328 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,400 Oh, Neville, you're like the best boyfriend in the world. 329 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,640 And she won't be fine. She'll be physically violent, but thank you so 330 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,480 Oh, Sue, Neville's got something he wants to tell you. 331 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,780 Can it wait? I need a wee. I'm afraid it can't. 332 00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:26,340 Look, there's no easy way to say this. 333 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,140 It was your car that Linda crashed into. 334 00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:34,840 You absolute knob -end. I know, and I'm so sorry. Not you, him. 335 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,100 This is all your fault, Neville. Is it? I told you not to take her out. I told 336 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,980 you it's impossible to teach her. To be fair, she did. 337 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,520 You need to grow a pair, Neville. 338 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,760 You've got to learn how to say no to Linda, like I do. You really do, 339 00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,300 It was so dramatic. 340 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:53,060 It was really funny. And I want my car fixed this week. 341 00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:55,190 At the very latest. And we sprayed. 342 00:16:55,470 --> 00:16:58,170 It's the least you can do, Neville. And don't even think about coming near me 343 00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,170 for at least a year. 344 00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:05,589 Don't worry, I'll get my own paper towel. 345 00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:09,589 Yeah, and in the end, we did get a room with a sea view. 346 00:17:10,089 --> 00:17:13,170 But the way that hotel made us wait was... Disgusting. 347 00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,890 Yeah, yeah, you've said lots. 348 00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:18,329 But what I really need, Margaret, is advice. 349 00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:20,829 Well, my advice is this. 350 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,720 You've got a smashing girl there. 351 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,040 Beautiful, funny, kind. You know, I've always liked Linda. 352 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:29,540 Lisa. And if you don't give her what she wants, someone else might. 353 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,400 You're right, Margaret. 354 00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:37,400 But if I don't give that beautiful, beautiful woman what she wants, what she 355 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,160 did, I might lose her. 356 00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:42,340 Oh, you're a wise woman, Margaret. 357 00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,160 I know I am. 358 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,040 Here, why don't you give her a call and tell her how you feel? 359 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,240 It's a credit card machine. 360 00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:57,600 Terrible news, isn't it? 361 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,740 You must be gutted. Why, what's happened? 362 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,960 Oh, no, I probably shouldn't tell you. 363 00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:04,220 All right, you. All right, you forced my hand. 364 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,980 Gavin's healthy eating campaign has failed. The store's under threat. You 365 00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:10,320 lose your job by the end of the month. 366 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,980 Oh, but I've just booked a holiday. 367 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,380 I hope you've got insurance. 368 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,200 Oh, did you hear that, Neville? 369 00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:19,040 I might have to cancel my holiday. I don't think I've got any insurance. 370 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,370 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Were you going anywhere nice? 371 00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:23,630 No, we've seen at home. Alan hates travelling. 372 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:28,830 Also, sales are at rock bottom. Because of Gavin's healthy eating campaign, you 373 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,310 could be out of a job by the end of the week. 374 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:31,830 I can't go back to the YMCA. 375 00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:35,570 I know I've said it before, but it's really nothing like the song. Not one 376 00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:39,010 Colin, you'll never guess what. Yeah, you've seen Lisa. 377 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,950 She's waiting in the loading bay for me because her baby's back with his red 378 00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:43,950 -hot sausage action. 379 00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:45,390 Something much worse. 380 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,830 I might have to cancel my holiday. 381 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:55,060 Also, the sales are catastrophic because of Gavin's healthy eating debacle. The 382 00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,800 store's going to close. You could be out of a job by the end of today. 383 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:05,000 And when Gavin goes for a wee, he's down like a woman. 384 00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,520 Keep it to yourselves. 385 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,020 Or don't. 386 00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:09,420 Your call. 387 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:17,590 Hello, sir. Can I interest you in something from our healthy eating range? 388 00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:18,830 No, sir. 389 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,650 Why don't you just try one of our lovely multigrain rice cakes? 390 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,450 I have, and I don't like them. 391 00:19:24,690 --> 00:19:27,070 Well, look, you people, do you want to lose weight or not? 392 00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:28,370 What did you say? 393 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,150 Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter. 394 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:37,950 Gavin, Neville can't go back to the RSPCA, and I can't cancel my holiday 395 00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:39,860 because... I haven't got no insurance. 396 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,460 What are you talking about, Margaret? She's talking about the branch closing 397 00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:46,520 down. Yeah, the sales are catalytic. 398 00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,480 And when you have a pith, you sit down like a woman. 399 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,320 What? Yeah, ma 'am, we've got a right to know. 400 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,580 The branch is not closing. 401 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:54,920 I'm talking about how you have a pith. 402 00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,980 All we want to know is if we're going to lose our jobs. 403 00:19:57,180 --> 00:20:00,380 Why would you think you're all losing your jobs? We've heard the store's 404 00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:01,380 because of healthy eating. 405 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,520 Well, well, well. 406 00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:04,160 Gavin, Gavin, Gavin. 407 00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:07,740 What have you done? Yeah, what have you done more like? 408 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,950 Have you been spreading poison, Duncan Trench? 409 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,170 No. 410 00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:15,690 It's just a little cocktail I like to call the truth. 411 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,650 You wouldn't know the truth if it came up to you with a laminated name badge. 412 00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,170 Don't shoot the messenger. 413 00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,610 Although you'd probably miss if you tried. 414 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,250 Unless you're with that doubt. 415 00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:27,810 Don't make me angry, Duncan. 416 00:20:28,670 --> 00:20:31,750 You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I don't like you anyway. 417 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,830 You are a cornered little field mouth. 418 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,820 And I'm the king of the jungle. 419 00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:41,780 I'm going to roar so loud you'd wish you'd never had ears. 420 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,760 Face it, Gavin. 421 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:44,960 You're loved. 422 00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:47,880 Both healthy eating and Cheryl. 423 00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:52,620 You don't say that. Cheryl will be looking for a new manager soon. 424 00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:54,440 And a new boyfriend. 425 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,440 Maybe I'll apply for both. 426 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:04,140 What is going on? 427 00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:07,060 He's a psycho. He's broken my face. 428 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,280 Then introduce his face. You're not fit to govern this branch. 429 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,660 And that's exactly what I'll be telling Graham Riviera at Balco Head Office. Or 430 00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:18,740 you could just shut your mouth and we could go up to my office and we could 431 00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:21,280 off on the deal for assailant. Oh, no, Cheryl. 432 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:22,980 Oh, please don't. 433 00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:25,880 What would Tim Peake say? 434 00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:27,220 Enough. 435 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,620 It's over. 436 00:21:37,179 --> 00:21:41,340 When she said it's over and looked really angry, did she mean you two or 437 00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:45,420 help me? I don't know, Sian. 438 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,980 This time, I just don't know. 439 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,900 She probably meant both. 36236

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