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1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:04,610
Valco! Serves you right. I've prepared
something.
2
00:00:05,350 --> 00:00:09,950
Can't you just stop that? Don't forget
our brilliant... From booze to biscuits.
3
00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,309
Red hot tails.
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00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,650
Load to two for one. The finest
butchers, the freshest meat.
5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,170
Serves us with a smile.
6
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:20,610
Friendly staff, always happy to help. Am
I getting paid for this? Don't forget
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00:00:20,610 --> 00:00:21,610
the Valco tick.
8
00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:24,870
Everyone always gets it wrong, it's
definitely that way. Tick. Valco!
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00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:26,830
Serves you right.
10
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,430
Now with that, it's pleasure foods.
11
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:37,200
Oh, two punctures I had on the way in.
Two. I had a big fly in my eye. Well, I
12
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,420
wondered where you'd got to. I thought
you might have slept in after our
13
00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:41,660
shenanigans last night.
14
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,240
No, what shenanigans? I had a migraine
and just wanted to be held.
15
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,560
No, I meant before that. You were
magnificent.
16
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:52,240
All guilty as charged. I mean, your
shuffle -hop step was sublime.
17
00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,340
You know, Jeff talked to us real... It's
terrific.
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00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,599
I've opened your eyes to lots of things,
haven't I? Jab, tab, Bonnie Tyler,
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00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,800
lasagna. Oh, no, you're so right about
lasagna. Flat pasta on a horizontal
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00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:14,120
lattice. I mean, what were they smoking
when they came up with that?
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00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:19,400
You know, that's really got me thinking
outside the box with healthy eating.
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00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:24,580
Ah, now, you might want to hold off on
any more healthy eating orders for now.
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00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
Oh, really?
24
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,500
Why? I'm not sure how to tell you this,
Fitzy.
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00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:37,700
If you don't get changed out of those
shorts pronto, I won't be able to
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00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:42,500
myself. Well, you shall have to wait
till tonight. I'll fair up the strong
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00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,100
cheddar to keep the migraines away.
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Oh!
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00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:52,820
But until then... You're like a
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00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,400
young Fred Astaire!
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00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:57,490
And you're like, same age, Ginger
Rogers.
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00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:06,830
And I looked at him and I said, don't
tell me you forgot our anniversary
33
00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:11,070
Oh, I didn't know you were married to
Neville. How many times?
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00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:13,010
I'm not Linda, I'm Sue.
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00:02:13,410 --> 00:02:16,010
Oh, I'm sorry, love, I ain't got my
glasses on.
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00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,520
What's my fault? It's that bloke in the
Volvo.
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00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,560
I'm not saying it was your fault, my
sweet, but you really should indicate
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00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,560
you go round corners.
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00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:24,259
I did.
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00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,260
Before you turn, not after.
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00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,580
What's all this? Don't ask.
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00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:28,840
Radio.
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00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,520
Neville's been teaching me how to drive
and there's, like, loads of nutters out
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00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,600
there. What did that woman shout at me?
Don't drive into my children.
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00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,280
Why do you like these people on the
roads?
46
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,720
Rather you than me, Nev. I tried to
teach Linda myself. It was a bloody
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00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,200
nightmare. You've had lessons before.
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00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:42,770
Yeah, but not many.
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00:02:43,070 --> 00:02:44,070
25.
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00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,510
25 times I put my life in her hands.
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00:02:46,770 --> 00:02:49,050
She's unfeachable. Er, maybe for you.
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00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,630
But Neville's not a quitter, are you?
No, no.
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00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:55,590
Well, to be fair, the thought had
crossed my mind. Right. Well, I'll go
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00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:56,590
strike then, shall I?
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00:02:56,630 --> 00:02:59,010
How about I refuse to cook for you until
you help me pass my test?
56
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:02,570
To be honest, I do most of the cooking,
so... I'm not doing any cleaning, then.
57
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,470
Again, it's mainly me.
58
00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:08,130
Well, you're not getting any you -know
-what. She's also something I tend to do
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00:03:08,130 --> 00:03:09,069
on my own, still.
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00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,410
Point taken. I shall see you in the car
park at one.
61
00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:15,350
Hello, Colin.
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00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,950
You're not on shift today, you know. I'm
not paying you overtime, you know. I
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00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:19,970
don't want any money, Gavin.
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00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:23,330
At least not from Valco. If I want a
tenner, I'll just get it off Neville.
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00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:26,070
I'm here because I want to work.
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00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:30,770
Oh, well, good for you. You know, that
is exactly the kind of can -do spirit
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00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:33,470
that epitomises this whole healthy
eating campaign.
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00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:34,890
Yeah, definitely.
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00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,650
What's healthy eating?
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00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:40,370
I'm going to pretend that that's a joke
and finish my breakfast.
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00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:44,690
To be honest, Gav, I need a break from
Lisa.
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00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,030
Do you know we've been trying for a
baby?
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00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:50,790
Oh, lovely. Yeah, and we're, like, doing
it all the time.
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00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:55,640
And at first, you're like, oh, well,
this is just fantastic, even if that is
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00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,680
raw. But now, because she hasn't got
pregnant yet, Gav, she wants to do it
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00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,520
and more often, and she wants to try
every position.
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00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:07,280
Me talking doggy, wheelbarrow,
propeller, the butter churner. I really
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00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,780
finish my breakfast. She just keeps
ramming it down my throat and making me
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00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:14,300
swallow. You know, it's like, um, I
don't know how to explain it. I have
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00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,460
completely lost my appetite.
81
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,300
Yes, exactly that.
82
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:24,940
When travelling on the motorway, should
you post updates on A, Facebook, B,
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00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,140
Instagram, or C, both?
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00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:32,160
Erm... Both. Correct! You are so going
to pass.
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00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,400
Here's one for you.
86
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:37,800
What's the stopping distance of a sales
rep travelling at 6 miles an hour?
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00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,580
What? It's a trick question.
88
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,520
You cannot be stopped.
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00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,460
God, I admire you.
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00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,500
Here, have a sugar butter bite.
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00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,740
100 % real sugar.
92
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,840
Anyway, you don't need driving lessons.
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00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:53,700
A good -looking girl like you should be
chauffeured everywhere.
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00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,220
Shut up. I'm just going to go and throw
this up.
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00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:00,340
Linda, I've got a question for you, my
sweet.
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00:05:00,580 --> 00:05:04,380
Is it why you're going out with me? No,
although I do get that a lot. No, it's
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00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:05,219
about the driving.
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00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,220
Whatever.
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00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,400
What is it, Neville?
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00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:17,280
Rather than going out in an actual car
on roads, might we try a bit of role
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00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,420
for the driving?
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00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:19,840
If you want.
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00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:22,760
That's the only roleplay you'll be
getting, though. You should be grateful
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00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,360
even attempting to teach you. Since when
did you take Neville's side and not
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00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,780
mine? I have to say, it's nice, but
slightly confusing, Sue. Shut your face,
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00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:30,940
Neville.
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00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,320
That's better.
108
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,200
Are you crying, Gavin?
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00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,860
Oh, no, no, no. It was very windy when I
cycled in. I've got a big fly in my
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00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:45,280
eye. Well, you might be crying because
there are hardly any customers.
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00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,920
Oh, no, it's a Tuesday morning.
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00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,620
Yeah, Tuesdays are always a bit funny.
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00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,780
Yeah, I see what you mean, actually.
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00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,800
Oh, God. No, no, no, more funny odds,
not funny ha -ha.
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00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,200
Oh.
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00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,280
Excuse me.
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00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,100
Could you direct me to the local history
section, please?
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00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,680
What are you talking about? This is a
library, isn't it?
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00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,800
You scared off all the customers with
your healthy eating bollocks.
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00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,600
What do you want, Duncan?
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00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,400
I'm meeting your missus later for a full
body massage.
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00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,880
A full body massage?
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00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,120
I mean meeting.
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00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:16,700
Although, who knows?
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00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,260
But first I want to commiserate. What
are you talking about, Trench? I'm
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about your healthy eating thing.
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00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,920
Warrington sales are at an all -time
low.
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00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,000
What? He said Warrington sales are at an
all -time low. If I know what he said,
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00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:28,060
I just don't understand why.
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00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,200
Your word is head office want to take
your pet project to the vet.
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00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,780
Give it a lethal injection to the face.
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00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,900
What? He said head office want to take
your... Will you please just stop
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00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:37,900
talking, Si?
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00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,260
Cheryl hasn't told you?
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00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,500
Oh, and shit!
136
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,980
Well, I don't know what ridiculous
rumours you think you've heard. They're
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00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:49,620
rumours, they're facts. Everyone knows.
Pleasure Foods, all your other
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00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,400
suppliers, probably even him.
139
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,480
Yes, I do, but only because I read
Cheryl's emails.
140
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:54,359
You what?
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00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,560
By the way, her cousin got engaged.
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00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:57,060
Finally.
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00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:58,580
Face it, Gavin.
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00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:01,780
You've damned this branch with your
healthy eating plague.
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00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,700
It's going down.
146
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:05,680
And so are you.
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00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:10,620
Just don't shite.
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00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,140
Nothing.
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00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,900
No, nothing, Nev.
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00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,400
Normally when a babe like that walks
past, you could pitch a tent on this bad
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00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,140
boy. But now, I just feel numb and
lifeless.
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00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:28,020
Is this what it's like being you?
153
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,920
Actually, Colin, I've got a very healthy
libido. Quite frustrating at the
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00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,440
moment. Linda's denying me conjugal
rights until she passes her driving
155
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:40,800
Oh, you lucky bastard. All I get at the
minute is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
156
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:44,160
It's becoming boring and depressing.
It's like working with you.
157
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,720
Uh, Colin, well, since you're here, can
I at least do something? This counter's
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00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,540
just filthy. Just give it a clean,
please.
159
00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:50,940
I'm in turmoil here, Gavin.
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00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,680
Oh, thingy.
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00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:55,680
Shy. Whatever.
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00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,740
Gavin said, clean the meat counter and
get me a can of Stella.
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00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,300
When I first started working here, Gavin
said, do not do anything, Colin.
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00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,640
He'll just take advantage of you.
165
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,180
I dread to think what he said about me.
Nothing.
166
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,080
Literally, he didn't even mention me.
167
00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,400
I can't even control the div's shelf
-stacking, Ev.
168
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,000
It's like I've been castrated.
169
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,520
What do you feel, Ev?
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00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:23,820
It's quite a cold.
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00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,640
Is it true?
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00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,500
Healthy eating put the branch in danger.
173
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,980
I was going to tell you.
174
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,559
But you didn't, though. You just look so
sweet and vulnerable.
175
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,480
Your helmet always has that effect on
me.
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00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,500
I had to hear it through Duncan Trench.
177
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,640
You know, the last time I was this
humiliated is when I flipped off a horse
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00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,539
merry -go -round.
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00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:50,440
All the kids, they laughed and jeered as
they lay on the floor bleeding.
180
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,220
And I helped you up, remember?
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00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,480
Just like I'm going to help you now over
this...
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00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:56,890
Minor failure.
183
00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:03,350
But I wanted to fly the flag for healthy
eating. And instead I've hit this
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00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:06,850
iceberg of hydrogenated trans -fatany
numbers.
185
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:10,110
That metaphor might need some work. I
know it needs work.
186
00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:11,990
I'm so sorry.
187
00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,330
Melchiodas?
188
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:21,850
You've been sneaking pleasure foods,
chocolate.
189
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,490
Forge nuggets.
190
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,480
We're meant to be setting an example to
our customers.
191
00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:32,880
You agreed that we'd be the major Tim
Peake of the supermarket industry.
192
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:37,520
True and just and everything that's
healthy and good in this world. I know,
193
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,800
I'm sorry, but sometimes I find Tim
Peake just a bit boring.
194
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:42,140
What?
195
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:49,340
So all those times we watched him live
in space, you were faking it? No, no.
196
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,900
Maybe once or twice.
197
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,340
You're so convincing.
198
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:59,380
All those oohs and ahhs. What if I
wanted you to enjoy it? To be honest, I
199
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:02,820
just tired and I wanted to go to sleep,
but that doesn't mean I don't love you.
200
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,760
We are still talking about the live
broadcast from the International Space
201
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:09,780
Station. Yes, we are, yes, and I'm so
sorry. But most of all, I'm sorry about
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00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:10,780
healthy eating.
203
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,160
It's over, Gavin, love.
204
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:17,500
Today is a good day.
205
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,880
No, a great day. And do you know why?
206
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:23,160
You've been fired and you're looking for
some rope.
207
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:27,760
Aisle three. I love it. And for the
record, I dropped the five series off a
208
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,760
cliff.
209
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:37,680
Today is a good day because healthy
eating is normal.
210
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:41,240
Oi, leave him alone. I like looking at
him.
211
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,740
Well, you better get used to it,
darling.
212
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:48,520
Because pretty soon, all these healthy
eating displays will be replaced with my
213
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,520
product.
214
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,540
I'm in charge of Castle Falco now.
215
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,520
What are you banging on about?
216
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:55,679
I came.
217
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,680
I saw.
218
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,220
I kicked Gavin's arse.
219
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:06,220
The king is dead.
220
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,020
Long live the me.
221
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,420
Bow end.
222
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:14,480
Bring on the trumpet and stop the
clocks.
223
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,900
I give you the next big thing from
Pleasure Pooh.
224
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,150
Assailant. It's going to make you a
packet. Go on, pick a number.
225
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:24,470
Um, four.
226
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:29,850
And add 15 zeros. That is literally how
much money this baby's going to make you
227
00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:30,930
in year one.
228
00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,170
400 quadrillion? Exactly.
229
00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:38,610
This stuff will put hairs on your chest
and feet. This is the Jeff Capes of
230
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:39,569
energy drinks.
231
00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:42,270
And I'm offering you the chance to be
the first to sell it.
232
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:44,890
Jeff Capes was my first crush.
233
00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:47,330
So then, I think, decision made.
234
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,020
It's very tempting, Duncan.
235
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:57,460
But I'm going to need more time to think
about it. This drink is totally at odds
236
00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:59,260
with Gavin's healthy eating campaign.
237
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:04,940
Well, it must be difficult to support
someone who's losing the branch so much
238
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,160
money and putting everyone's jobs at
risk.
239
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,820
Still, I can respect the loyalty.
240
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,720
Knock, knock.
241
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,260
Oh, Cheryl, please.
242
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:15,620
I'm a man.
243
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,580
Man, you'll have to watch this one,
Gavin. She's a right firecracker.
244
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,880
Oh, thank you, Gavin.
245
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,980
Oh, has somebody already bought you
flowers?
246
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,220
Great minds, eh? Yeah, but these are
really sweet.
247
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,060
By sweet, she means small.
248
00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:31,400
So, back to business, though.
249
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,760
Do you need a break to discuss the size
of Gavin's bunch?
250
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,780
Assailant? What's this noxious
monstrosity?
251
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,560
Yeah, Gavin. I bet it's bubblegum
-flavoured paint stripper. Probably
252
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,259
the dark.
253
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,260
It does.
254
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,700
To help poor children read without a
torch.
255
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,300
Valco will not now or ever sell that
poison.
256
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,040
Now, now, clear your pitch up and get
out, please. Duncan, will you give us a
257
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,040
minute, please?
258
00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:00,280
Well, may I just say how offended I am,
as a feminist, that you would undermine
259
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,920
your girlfriend at work.
260
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,640
Don't women have enough to contend with?
261
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,580
I'll call you later, sweetheart.
262
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:09,900
Let me get this straight.
263
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:16,650
you're willing to cancel my healthy
eating campaign and sell that... Why can
264
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:17,650
not think of an adjective?
265
00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:18,990
Because you're being irrational.
266
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,290
I mean, this is business.
267
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:21,550
It's not personal.
268
00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:24,350
Just because we eat lasagna doesn't mean
we're in the mafia show.
269
00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:30,190
Now, I'm going to give healthy eating
one last push. And when I have proven to
270
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:34,370
you that it can be profitable, then I
hope that you will have the decency not
271
00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:35,890
sign that contract.
272
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,430
Just don't forget to trim the stalks.
They'll last longer.
273
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:51,110
Have you been out driving again? We had
a little accident.
274
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:53,990
It wasn't really we, though, was it,
dear? It was your car.
275
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,810
Yes, and my no -claims bonus.
276
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,170
It wasn't my fault, anyway.
277
00:13:57,410 --> 00:14:01,050
Who's put me off? You know you did. I
don't see how my breathing counts as a
278
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:02,410
noise. It's distracting, Neville.
279
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:05,630
And I try to hold my breath, but it's a
bit of a strain doing it for the whole
280
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:07,530
lesson. Neville, are you bleeding?
281
00:14:07,870 --> 00:14:12,050
Yes, I did suffer quite a confused
nosebleed when I managed to stem the
282
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,209
And I was sorry.
283
00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,210
Yes, you did, my darling.
284
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:18,230
Eventually. I can't quite believe I'm
saying this, but this man's a saint
285
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,410
teaching you to drive.
286
00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:21,750
I'll go and get you a wet paper towel,
then.
287
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,770
Do you know, I can't quite believe
you're saying it either, but thank you,
288
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,570
Shame about the write -off.
289
00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:33,750
It wasn't a write -off. Just hanged it a
bit. I was talking about my car.
290
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,320
Although we are going to have to inform
the owner of the pranged car, too.
291
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:39,680
Sue's going to kill me.
292
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,180
Margaret?
293
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:43,920
What have you got for depression?
294
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:46,040
Gone with the wind makes me depressed.
295
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,280
You know that bit where a helicopter
crashes?
296
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,420
Oh, I find that so upsetting.
297
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:52,479
Never mind.
298
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,900
Well, you look a bit sad, Colin.
299
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,860
Come and talk to your Auntie Margaret.
300
00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:59,440
Me and Lisa are trying for a baby.
301
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:01,020
Oh, she's asleep with Neville?
302
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,139
That's Linda.
303
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:06,360
Margaret? I'm talking about Lisa. We're
trying for a baby, yeah? And she just
304
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,080
keeps making me... You know.
305
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,340
Oh, I was the same with my Alan when we
were trying.
306
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,580
Really? And he'd got a big one.
307
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:16,320
Probably bigger than yours.
308
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:19,860
But when I got pregnant, my nagging paid
off.
309
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,200
He gave up that blasted pipe.
310
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,320
And that's what you should do. I don't
smoke a pipe, Margaret, because I'm not
311
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,320
112.
312
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,180
I'm talking about what happens when
things get dirty in the bedroom.
313
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,380
You put them in the wash basket.
314
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,840
I can't believe I'm talking about this
to you.
315
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,260
I've been married for 40 years.
316
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:43,300
I've got two children, four
grandchildren.
317
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,640
Did I ever tell you what happened on my
wedding night?
318
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,260
Oh, it was disgusting.
319
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,160
And there's your sausages.
320
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,240
How did Sue take the news?
321
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:56,460
She tried to tell everybody.
322
00:15:56,700 --> 00:16:00,200
I don't know how she's going to be so
angry with us. Again, my love, it was
323
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,119
who was driving.
324
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,920
In your car, all your stupid breathing
noises.
325
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,920
All right, all right. Never fear,
Neville is here.
326
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,860
Sue and I seem to have bonded over
teaching you to drive. I'm sure she'll
327
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,480
fine if I tell her.
328
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,400
Oh, Neville, you're like the best
boyfriend in the world.
329
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,640
And she won't be fine. She'll be
physically violent, but thank you so
330
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,480
Oh, Sue, Neville's got something he
wants to tell you.
331
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,780
Can it wait? I need a wee. I'm afraid it
can't.
332
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:26,340
Look, there's no easy way to say this.
333
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,140
It was your car that Linda crashed into.
334
00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:34,840
You absolute knob -end. I know, and I'm
so sorry. Not you, him.
335
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,100
This is all your fault, Neville. Is it?
I told you not to take her out. I told
336
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,980
you it's impossible to teach her. To be
fair, she did.
337
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,520
You need to grow a pair, Neville.
338
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,760
You've got to learn how to say no to
Linda, like I do. You really do,
339
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,300
It was so dramatic.
340
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:53,060
It was really funny. And I want my car
fixed this week.
341
00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:55,190
At the very latest. And we sprayed.
342
00:16:55,470 --> 00:16:58,170
It's the least you can do, Neville. And
don't even think about coming near me
343
00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,170
for at least a year.
344
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:05,589
Don't worry, I'll get my own paper
towel.
345
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:09,589
Yeah, and in the end, we did get a room
with a sea view.
346
00:17:10,089 --> 00:17:13,170
But the way that hotel made us wait
was... Disgusting.
347
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,890
Yeah, yeah, you've said lots.
348
00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:18,329
But what I really need, Margaret, is
advice.
349
00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:20,829
Well, my advice is this.
350
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,720
You've got a smashing girl there.
351
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,040
Beautiful, funny, kind. You know, I've
always liked Linda.
352
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:29,540
Lisa. And if you don't give her what she
wants, someone else might.
353
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,400
You're right, Margaret.
354
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:37,400
But if I don't give that beautiful,
beautiful woman what she wants, what she
355
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,160
did, I might lose her.
356
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:42,340
Oh, you're a wise woman, Margaret.
357
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,160
I know I am.
358
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,040
Here, why don't you give her a call and
tell her how you feel?
359
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,240
It's a credit card machine.
360
00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:57,600
Terrible news, isn't it?
361
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,740
You must be gutted. Why, what's
happened?
362
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,960
Oh, no, I probably shouldn't tell you.
363
00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:04,220
All right, you. All right, you forced my
hand.
364
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,980
Gavin's healthy eating campaign has
failed. The store's under threat. You
365
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:10,320
lose your job by the end of the month.
366
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,980
Oh, but I've just booked a holiday.
367
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,380
I hope you've got insurance.
368
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,200
Oh, did you hear that, Neville?
369
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:19,040
I might have to cancel my holiday. I
don't think I've got any insurance.
370
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,370
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Were you
going anywhere nice?
371
00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:23,630
No, we've seen at home. Alan hates
travelling.
372
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:28,830
Also, sales are at rock bottom. Because
of Gavin's healthy eating campaign, you
373
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,310
could be out of a job by the end of the
week.
374
00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:31,830
I can't go back to the YMCA.
375
00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:35,570
I know I've said it before, but it's
really nothing like the song. Not one
376
00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:39,010
Colin, you'll never guess what. Yeah,
you've seen Lisa.
377
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,950
She's waiting in the loading bay for me
because her baby's back with his red
378
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:43,950
-hot sausage action.
379
00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:45,390
Something much worse.
380
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,830
I might have to cancel my holiday.
381
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:55,060
Also, the sales are catastrophic because
of Gavin's healthy eating debacle. The
382
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,800
store's going to close. You could be out
of a job by the end of today.
383
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:05,000
And when Gavin goes for a wee, he's down
like a woman.
384
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,520
Keep it to yourselves.
385
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,020
Or don't.
386
00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:09,420
Your call.
387
00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:17,590
Hello, sir. Can I interest you in
something from our healthy eating range?
388
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:18,830
No, sir.
389
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,650
Why don't you just try one of our lovely
multigrain rice cakes?
390
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,450
I have, and I don't like them.
391
00:19:24,690 --> 00:19:27,070
Well, look, you people, do you want to
lose weight or not?
392
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:28,370
What did you say?
393
00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,150
Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter.
394
00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:37,950
Gavin, Neville can't go back to the
RSPCA, and I can't cancel my holiday
395
00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:39,860
because... I haven't got no insurance.
396
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,460
What are you talking about, Margaret?
She's talking about the branch closing
397
00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:46,520
down. Yeah, the sales are catalytic.
398
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,480
And when you have a pith, you sit down
like a woman.
399
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,320
What? Yeah, ma 'am, we've got a right to
know.
400
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,580
The branch is not closing.
401
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:54,920
I'm talking about how you have a pith.
402
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,980
All we want to know is if we're going to
lose our jobs.
403
00:19:57,180 --> 00:20:00,380
Why would you think you're all losing
your jobs? We've heard the store's
404
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:01,380
because of healthy eating.
405
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,520
Well, well, well.
406
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:04,160
Gavin, Gavin, Gavin.
407
00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:07,740
What have you done? Yeah, what have you
done more like?
408
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,950
Have you been spreading poison, Duncan
Trench?
409
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,170
No.
410
00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:15,690
It's just a little cocktail I like to
call the truth.
411
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,650
You wouldn't know the truth if it came
up to you with a laminated name badge.
412
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,170
Don't shoot the messenger.
413
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,610
Although you'd probably miss if you
tried.
414
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,250
Unless you're with that doubt.
415
00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:27,810
Don't make me angry, Duncan.
416
00:20:28,670 --> 00:20:31,750
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I
don't like you anyway.
417
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,830
You are a cornered little field mouth.
418
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,820
And I'm the king of the jungle.
419
00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:41,780
I'm going to roar so loud you'd wish
you'd never had ears.
420
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,760
Face it, Gavin.
421
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:44,960
You're loved.
422
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:47,880
Both healthy eating and Cheryl.
423
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:52,620
You don't say that. Cheryl will be
looking for a new manager soon.
424
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:54,440
And a new boyfriend.
425
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,440
Maybe I'll apply for both.
426
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:04,140
What is going on?
427
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:07,060
He's a psycho. He's broken my face.
428
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,280
Then introduce his face. You're not fit
to govern this branch.
429
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,660
And that's exactly what I'll be telling
Graham Riviera at Balco Head Office. Or
430
00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:18,740
you could just shut your mouth and we
could go up to my office and we could
431
00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:21,280
off on the deal for assailant. Oh, no,
Cheryl.
432
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:22,980
Oh, please don't.
433
00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:25,880
What would Tim Peake say?
434
00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:27,220
Enough.
435
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,620
It's over.
436
00:21:37,179 --> 00:21:41,340
When she said it's over and looked
really angry, did she mean you two or
437
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:45,420
help me? I don't know, Sian.
438
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,980
This time, I just don't know.
439
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,900
She probably meant both.
36236
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