Original subtitles

Where was the 1962 World Cup held?

Norway,

Tony. Norway.

Chile, yeah. I remember now.

They're letting me go. I'm losing my job.

We could be doing some more floor staff inside.

You know, just some waitressing in the afternoons. Well, I've always prided my

health on being immune to Adam's charms. And since he asked me on the quiz team,

I'm not feeling quite so immune.

You're fine.

From the team.

This is Molly, Molly, Adam and Lauren.

When Molly was about seven months gone, Dermot went to Australia for his

brother's wedding.

And he drowned.

Not drowned.

Eaten.

By a shark.

Molly, before I forget, I just wanted to say I'm sorry I was to hear about

Dermot. What? Bad enough to die so young, and then to have people laughing

it on the internet.

Laughing?

You can stick your crazy, insensitive dick.

Kathy, I'll be wanting a word with you tomorrow.

Of course there's a point. She won't talk to me. I know she won't. Well, you

won't know if you don't try.

Why don't you just tell her what you told me?

That you're sorry you brought up the subject of her dead boyfriend.

That you thought you were being nice.

You thought you were being supportive.

But you were just being an idiot.

I don't think I need to point out that last bit. I think she got that one,

thanks. I'll ask you a question.

And be honest.

Are you annoyed because you upset Molly?

Or are you now because she's off the team?

Don't give me the how dare you's. This is me you're talking to now, so which is

it?

All right, it's a bit of both.

But mostly, I swear to God, mostly I'm mad at the upsetter.

Okay, then.

So if I got your number, would you apologise?

Well, I'd have to... Yes or no, Lawrence?

Yes.

So, Clare, did you manage to pick up a present for the boyfriend yet? Yeah,

Chef. Got it yesterday.

Soprano's box set.

Hey, Tony.

Let's go whack a couple of wise guys. Go put them to sleep with their fishes,

eh? That's uncanny.

So, Chef, I hear you got fired from the quiz team.

What happened?

Where's Jenna?

Peter. I overheard him telling people. People?

What people? Just people.

In the bar.

Is that right, Chef? Well, I'm not doing the quiz anymore. Not doing it? Oh, I

thought your man fired you.

Yeah, he fired me, so now I'm not doing the quiz anymore, OK?

Yeah, Chef.

Sorry, Chef.

So what happened? Did you keep getting questions wrong?

Is that what Peter said?

No, I was just wondering.

I didn't keep getting questions wrong, Clare. I got one wrong, OK?

You fired off the team for getting one little question wrong.

I got one wrong one week and others wrong other weeks.

All right? Happy now?

Sorry, Chef, don't worry.

I'm no good at quizzes either.

Not that anyone would even ask me to be on a team.

I mean, that's one of the good things about this job.

People don't expect you to have a clue about anything.

Except food.

No pressure.

Do me a favour. If you hear anyone talking about this, I want you to remind

that Lawrence Duffy's a bloody weirdo.

He doesn't know his arse from his elbow.

Yes, Chef.

Will you give over the yes, Chef? No, Chef, I'm not Gordon Ramsay, am I?

No.

You're not.

Hi.

How are you?

You're still mad, huh?

I'm not mad at you, Adam. Not really.

I'm mad at myself for not being clear enough.

The whole Dermot Shark thing was not open for discussion ever.

Molly doesn't even talk to me about it, much less Lauren.

And to bring the internet into it... Would it do any good if I told you he

really sorry?

Well, he should be. Oh, he is. Oh, well, he should be. Well, he is, though.

We could be at this for a while.

Listen, he knows he did wrong, and he really wants to apologise to Molly.

Well, what's stopping him?

It's just that he doesn't have her address or her phone number.

No, Adam, I'm in enough trouble as it is.

I'm frightened to call her myself.

Thanks for this, Kathy.

It means a lot.

If he makes things worse, I swear to God, I'm going to kill him and blame

Job offer or no job offer.

Speaking of which, are you sure you don't want a few days off between here

there? Nah, I'll start straight away.

No point in sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

Tried that, didn't work.

Thanks for this.

Is that all you want?

Don't worry, I'm going to remind you to give me one.

Hello?

Molly, it's Lawrence. How come you know where I live?

What did she know?

No, I really don't think so.

Because... That's why.

Fine then, fine.

Come in.

Come in.

I suppose.

They're the few.

The flowers.

I know what they are.

I mean, thank you.

Nice.

This is lovely.

It's a mess.

At least you've got a place of your own. I'm still at home.

Pathetic. Grown man.

Molly, I feel terrible.

And I sincerely want to apologise.

I'm really, truly sorry for bringing up what I brought up.

Will you please forgive me and come back to the quiz?

You know, you were doing all right there until the end. What?

The quiz team you're worried about. No, I'm genuinely upset that I got you all

annoyed. But I'm not going to lie, I'm also upset that you don't want to be in

the team anymore because you're so good.

If you knew me better, that's the highest compliment I have to give.

Congressional Medal of Honour.

I don't know, Lance. All right.

I understand if you don't want to keep going on with the pain, but I want you

forgive me at least.

Please.

Please.

Well, maybe I overreacted.

Yes. A little bit.

It's a difficult subject for me.

Obviously. I understand completely. I'll never mention it again, I swear.

Okay, then.

Okay, just forget about it.

Thank you, thank you.

And the quiz?

Goodbye, Lawrence.

Okay, great.

That's brilliant.

Who are you?

Aisling.

Who's Claire's for?

Me.

Lawrence, this is my daughter.

Aisling, this is Lawrence.

Remember I told you about Mummy's table quiz?

He's a weird one.

Hi,

Aisling. Nice to meet you.

What's your book about?

Spheres in Space.

Did you know that other planets have moons of their own?

Yes, I did.

Did you know that if you had a big enough bathtub and put Saturn in it, it

float?

What? Who told you that?

It's true. I learned it at the planetarium when I was about your age.

The planet what?

Planetarium. It's fantastic. Have you never been?

No.

No, I haven't.

Just an orange juice, please.

Oh, dear.

Taking it easy tonight?

It does no harm once in a while. You know yourself.

Quiz night, huh?

Nothing gets past you, does it?

We do it every week.

Very popular.

You know, every pub quiz I've ever been at, all of it is there.

You know, there's one fella that knows everything about everything.

We have a few brain boxes, all right.

I see one there in the camel -coloured jumper.

That's Pauline McEntee.

Now, she would frighten you.

Good, eh? Oh, just stop. Question four.

What is the capital city of Nigeria?

Abusia.

I'm pretty sure it's Lagos. It used to be Lagos. They changed it in 1991.

I wouldn't have a clue, Michelle.

Lagos, definitely.

What does a numismatist collect?

Coins. Germaine, Marlon and Michael.

Tito. By the Roman numeral... D -500.

So please, Richard III.

The measurement of stellar parallax

of nearby cells provides a fundamental baseline in the cosmic distance lattice

that is used to measure...

Adam.

So, how did it go?

How did what go?

The 1984 Olympics.

Apologising to Molly. What do you think?

Did she accept?

Yeah, she did.

Great. Great, I told you she would. See, Kathy did a little bit of grovelling

too. So we're all pals again?

We're going to the planetarium tomorrow.

Who is?

Me and Molly and Ashley and a little girl.

You're going what?

We're going to the planetarium. Day out.

Wait a minute, you and Molly are going on a date?

It's not a date. There'll be three of us.

And who said he even fancied her?

Did you?

I don't know what to say. Well done. Jesus, I'm stunned here.

I thought you'd be doing well to come out with both eyes.

Adam, it's not a date. It's a commoner garden apology day trip.

Shut up, apology day trip.

Oh, for God's sake. Listen, did you promise me you won't go overboard?

What?

What are you getting at?

Come on, Lewis.

I don't know why you do have these tendencies to, well... What?

Be repellent to women.

No, you know what I'm saying.

Adam, please don't give me advice about the opposite sex.

Be like Donald Trump and you, what to do with a tenner you just found in your

other jeans. It's bound to come out patronising.

Just one more thing.

I promise you you won't spend a whole day blowing it up. Of course I won't.

Hey, Pete.

Hey. Hey. Hey. There she is.

So, you ready to get started in your exciting new profession?

Yes, I am. Okay.

Do you want a tea or coffee?

I have a double vodka if there's one going.

Right. So, what are my primary areas of responsibility?

Well, there's nothing to it, really.

Just take order.

Serve some drinks and food.

Make sure the tables are clear of any glasses.

Oh, and, um, if you could just make sure the loos are, uh, acceptable.

Okay, sounds doable.

Brilliant.

Let's get you sorted with the uniform.

Of course, the uniform.

Wow.

I'll see your wall and raise you to bloody hell. Don't touch it. It doesn't

very comfy. No.

Space travel isn't very comfy.

In fact, it's very uncomfy. What if the spaceman had to scratch his nose?

He couldn't.

Good point. But there's an even bigger problem. Can you see what it is?

Hmm.

Well, what would happen if the spaceman, and the correct term is astronaut, by

the way, what would happen if the astronaut had to go to the toilet?

Oh, no.

No zips?

No, nothing.

What would he do?

He'd just have to hold it in, and if he could, well... Ew!

Hiya.

Look at this. It takes the light from the sun eight minutes to reach the

Did you know that? I did.

I don't even know what it means.

It means that the sun is so far away that it takes the light eight whole

to get here.

So when you look up at the sun, you're actually seeing it the way it looked

eight minutes ago.

Not that you should ever look directly at the sun, of course.

No.

Listen to your mother, Ashley.

The light sends to the tissue at the back of your eyes. It's called the

And it doesn't have any pain receptors.

You can't feel a thing. So if you stared at the sun for long enough, your retina

could go burned away into a crack.

And you wouldn't even know it until you went blind.

Bloody hell.

So that was the tour.

I sure don't mind dropping the film, Lauren. We can just get the bus. Look

around. Are they your wheels?

Yep. That's a really hard one, Karen. Hard sling.

It's all right. It is a bit of a sh...

Banger.

Did you have fun?

I did. I really did.

And what was the favourite thing that you learnt?

The speed of the Earth around the sun.

Oh, yeah.

What was it again?

66 ,000 miles an hour.

What was so special about the planet Venus? I forget.

It spins in the opposite direction to the others.

Of course.

Silly me for forgetting.

Better. Can I interest you gentlemen in trying a little fizzler? You could

probably interest me in a lot of things. Well, let's start with some fizzler.

Yourself, which would you prefer, awesome apple or ravishing raspberry?

You're pretty ravishing yourself.

Why, thank you. Raspberry it is, though.

And yourself?

Apple, please. Here.

Well?

Ah, it's like lighter fluid with sugar in it. Fuck, you're a hard man to

Not to worry.

What about you, my friend? Can I interest you in a little fizzler? I've

little fizzler here for you, darling.

No, wait now. Not little.

Average. A decent -sized fizzler.

It's a lovely airbag.

This is so embarrassing for all concerned.

It has to be done, I'm afraid.

They're really nice girls, though.

Especially Olivia.

I think there might be a little spark there, actually.

I wouldn't kid yourself.

They flirt for a living, those young ones. They sure are.

Gasping. Adam, you want to throw us a glass of water, would you, please?

Certainly. Thank you.

It's a roast down here, isn't it?

Not worse if you were fully clothed. So is that.

Ah, there you go. Thank you so much.

By the way, Robbie Club are having a ball. Don't make a joke. On Tuesday.

Okay. Would you be up for a go?

Sounds great. I'd love to. Cool. We'll make plans before I go, sir. Brilliant.

Happy days.

Quiz night, Tuesday.

Good luck telling Lawrence.

Your brother rang earlier.

They're moving house again. Need more room, now there's four of them.

Who knows, maybe more to come.

Do you know who he was out for dinner with the other night, Lawrence? Couldn't

tell you.

Go on, guess.

Gary Glitter.

Graham Norton.

Well, it wasn't just Declan.

There were a few of them, but...

Graham Norton himself.

That BBC.

He's far better off there than that satellite thing he worked for.

But if he hadn't worked there, he would never have met Karen. True.

And you wouldn't have any grandchildren.

So, Lawrence, how are things in the video shop?

Fine.

I mean, they could be better. It's hard to get the owner interested in making

improvements. I have ideas, loads of them.

But he won't look.

Quick team's doing well though.

Very well.

They've won 47 times in a row in the Blue Swan.

Five more and that'll be a whole year.

Every single week without fail for a whole year.

This won't take long, I promise.

No, teams of four, no exceptions.

No. Everybody ready? Everybody feeling relaxed and sharp and fresh?

Oh, no, I'm relaxed and sharp but not fresh.

What'll I do? Quick.

Uh -oh.

Who are they?

They are the old hand.

They've been in here a few times. Around us pretty close.

All right.

Everybody all set?

Wait, wait. Hang on there, Missy.

We haven't signed up yet.

Thank you, sir. Okay.

Round one.

Question one.

What is the common name for the medical condition epistaxis?

Well, this isn't a good start.

It means bleed.

Uh... Yeah.

Very good.

I want to come to him in a minute.

God, they're all popular at the end of the old quizzes, aren't they? Oh, yeah,

people love them.

Hated every test they ever did in school.

Can't get enough of them now they're out.

And there's always one know -it -all, isn't there? The guy you have to beat.

Or woman.

I know what you mean.

See your man over there?

Pinstripes. Harry.

He's like something off the television.

Oh, yeah?

Flippin' rain man.

Harry, huh?

Harry Hanglin.

He's an electrician here in the town.

The bright spark.

Let's put some of the wax, Colin. All right, everybody, round quick.

On which album would you find the track Gimme Shelter and You Can't Always Get

What You Want? Let It Bleed.

In which year did Stephen Roach win the Tour de France?

1987.

Who directed the original version of A Nightmare on Elm Street?

Wes Craven.

OK, then, let's see.

In third place, with 74 points, it's Tommy's Towers.

In second place, with 84 points, it's The Old Hans.

So, absolutely no prizes for guessing who the winners are for the 300th time.

With 89 points, it's the team with no name.

It's not 300, it's 48.

And that'll do nicely.

Right, that's it.

We're out of here.

Water ready?

See you.

They were good, too, the old geezers, weren't they?

Poor old things.

What chance did they get of naming the singer in Kings of Leon?

I have to say, Molly, you really helped.

She answered more than you did.

And I, uh, you know, appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Well, thanks.

Uh -huh.

Pity there weren't any questions on astronomy, eh?

Now that we're experts and all.

Has Aisling mentioned it since? Yeah, she has.

Very excited still.

If she winds up living on the moon, I'm going to blame you.

Oh, don't worry, that's not going to happen any time soon.

There's so many problems.

Solar radiation for one, meteor impacts, then there's the wild swings in

temperature. That's bad news for building materials.

Okay, Lawrence, she gets it.

No, sorry.

Thanks for letting my mind at ease. I can sleep soundly tonight.

Would you like a drink?

Oh, you never bought me a drink.

No, thanks. I'd better be getting back home, actually.

Yeah, no, go.

Okay, Molly, well, you can go.

Do you have the word now?

Yeah.

Can I have a double whiskey?