Original subtitles

All good!

That's not me.

The nose.

Nose is wrong. That's not my face.

The hairline is not good.

The ears.

No, it won't work.

We need Steed.

It won't work from photographs.

We need Steed. The man himself.

We need Steed.

We can't do it without him. We must capture Steed. It's not my face.

It's not my face!

It's not my face!

Dispensable.

Dispensable.

Ten degrees starboard.

No, make it nine and a half.

We're here.

Mother. Ah, good morning, General.

The peace conference?

Yes, it's all under control.

Steed and Tower King are there.

Treating it as a sort of holiday.

Yes, they don't think there'll be any trouble.

Yes? I'll keep you informed.

Prepare to abandon ship.

Goodbye, General.

I must say, I'm looking forward to getting under the water.

It'll be very quiet down there.

Captain Smythe, Mother, I would like you to liaise with Steed and Tara King at

the peace conference.

I... I shall be working undercover.

Yes? They will be signing in at the Sun Hotel.

Excuse me.

It's almost like being on holiday, isn't it?

Hardly a holiday.

Ah, you've got a view of the open air.

Why are we here?

We are official observers of the peace conference. It's quite a serious

undertaking. Hmm, very routine, very boring. Well, let's break the routine

a drink.

I'm sorry, sir, the bar isn't open. Deeds bar.

Come to my room, it's exactly the same as yours.

Except it faces a brick wall.

Hey, darling, wait for me.

Wait, wait for me. Back in time, Ron, we'll put up the fence. Yeah.

Marry me.

Will you be my wife? Good day, sir.

Please, just for a moment.

Be your wife. Just for five minutes or so.

Only five minutes.

I think he went in here.

Kurt, baby.

You promised to choose between us. Ladies, may I present my wife.

My wife.

Tara. Tara.

Your wife?

Goodbye, Helga. Goodbye, Miranda.

You've earned my undying gratitude.

May I present myself, Baron von Kirt, always at your service.

Tower King, John Thede. Please forgive my intrusion, sir, but as you can see...

You have problems.

My own fault, a foolish mistake.

I arranged... Two rendezvous at the same time?

We understand one another, Mr Thede.

Once again, my thanks, Miss King, with your permission, sir. Indeed.

It was a privilege being married to you.

holiday romances they never last.

Let's have a drink.

Here's the bar.

Here's to a nice, quiet, uninterrupted...

Hello?

Speaking.

Captain Smythe.

No, we haven't met, but it's extremely nice to talk to you.

Right away?

Uh -huh.

What's the address?

I'll be there in ten minutes.

Captain Smythe of security wants to see me right away.

14 Wheelwright Street.

Very dry.

Excellent.

Good evening, gentlemen.

It is not evening.

Oh, isn't it?

Gentlemen, I use the word loosely. I have a shrewd suspicion that it's dirty

work at foot.

Yes.

Yes, we intend to infiltrate the peace conference.

With a forged path?

No, with a forged face.

You recognize it?

I can't say I do.

Well, that is your face, Mr. Steed.

With this face and with this path, It would be child's play to get past the

security guards.

Why, did it look a little plastered? Oh, no, no. Flesh.

Living flesh.

My goodness me.

Well, I won't bore you with the technical jargon.

Thank you very much.

Plastoids and pigments and molecular reconstruction.

But suffice to say that if a man should put upon his face, huh, like this, this

mold, yeah?

Yeah. Then, if he should then...

inject himself with some of this, like so, huh?

Within minutes, his face will take on the shape and the texture and the exact

details of the molded face.

Instant plastic surgery.

Yes.

Yes, I could not have put that more succinctly myself.

Instant plastic surgery. Yes, we could.

Does it work?

Oh, yes.

Well, of course, you shall have to take my word for it, huh?

There is a list of the agents.

All five of them are here in England. All five of them will still be in build.

Shall we use Perrova?

Or Mintoff?

Mintoff.

Georgiou?

Are you finished?

Nadine.

We will use Nadine. Now tell Bruno to take this kit to Nadine. All right?

Mr. Steed, in a few hours' time, Nadine shall receive this kit, yeah?

And he will inject himself.

And in a few moments, he shall come through the door as you, Mr. Steed.

And the fake me will destroy the conference.

Yeah.

Clever, is it not? I think it's brilliant.

Brilliant?

To you?

Yes. We shall keep you here until the job is done. There's no chance of a slip

-up. And then?

Then we will kill you.

Dedicated idealist or altruistic opportunist?

Do what?

Yes, well, if you were to untie me, drive me back to the hotel, I think I

500 quid in notes lying around. No chance.

No, no, no chance.

Ah, well, it's worth trying. Happened before, you know. Jailer accepts a

Not this jailer. Not this jailer.

Ah, well, if I can't offer you money, maybe I can offer you, uh... What?

Hello again.

It's not my lucky day.

You're not looking for me, by any chance?

Actually, no.

For your friend, Steed?

Yes. Well, there's a good view of the door from here. Perhaps while you're

waiting, you would care to join me. Apart from owing you a drink, I would be

quite enchanted.

I hope Mr. Steed is engaged for some weeks.

Months, even.

Not bad.

Hair over.

Mint off.

Giorgio.

And for my next impression?

Confuse them, and it works.

All right, Mr. Tate. Thank you.

Werner?

You want something to be delivered?

Yes, I'll get it.

Gerson?

Gerson, you are a fool.

He hit me.

He shows wisdom.

What are you doing in England?

Well, I need some new shirt.

And I always find the English shirt makers cut the front, but... Oh, dear.

Situation as before?

Yes, I'm afraid so. Would you mind?

Darling! Yes?

I wish you would let me show you the town or the country or the beach or

anywhere you like.

My car's just outside. I would drive you to... To the ends of the air.

I'd like to see Mr. Steed. Tell him Captain Smythe pays respects and wishes

see him.

I'll make him quiet, sir.

Captain Smythe.

Hello.

Captain Smythe, Baron Barclay. You must be Miss King.

Yes, hello. How do you do? Hello.

Where's Steed?

In his room, I imagine.

But I thought he was with you. You rang him up and asked... Certainly not.

Is that what he said?

That I called him?

Oh, no, I must have made a mistake.

Yes.

Yes, I think you have.

So Steed isn't here?

No, not at the moment.

I'll call back later then. Goodbye.

Bye.

I think I'll take you up on that.

What? A ride in your car.

Where do you want to go?

The old London Road.

Mr.

Nadeem.

Just a moment.

Can I offer you a drink, Bruno?

I have four more deliveries to make.

See you, baby. Bye -bye.

Ebola, wake up!

Come on.

See you, Giorgio.

Hmm.

Courageous.

But foolish.

The British are all the same. You treat war as if it were a game.

I didn't know we were at war.

Your kind and my kind shall always be at war.

Such links as there are between us are very tenuous.

Not too tenuous.

It's unfortunate.

What's unfortunate?

That I shall have so little time to get to know you.

This is the place.

The summit of the door.

Well, don't just stand there. You'll catch your death.

Hello, Mother.

Nice of you to drop in, my dear.

Steed's missing.

Did you have any difficulty finding the place?

A bit.

Straight downstream and turn left at the salmon net. Mother, didn't you hear

what I said about Steed?

Naturally, I heard what you said about Steed.

Medically, my hearing is A1 +, acute even.

That's why I'm very pleased to be trying out this new device for the Royal Navy.

Delightfully quiet.

Fish do not shout.

At least, not very lively.

He's been missing nearly two hours.

Two hours, you say?

Well, I shouldn't worry about that.

There are a lot of diversions in this part of the country.

Steed is easily diverted.

He went to see Captain Smythe.

Well, there you are then.

Captain Smythe keeps a jolly good seller.

Cornered the market on a very fine dry carrot.

Not quite ambrosia, you will understand.

I've just seen Smythe and he hasn't seen Steve.

Not at the hotel and not with Captain Smythe. The question is, where is he?

I see you rely a great deal upon your knight.

I like his nobility.

The unfettered freelance of the board.

Yes,

you can tell a man's character from the way he plays chess.

I couldn't agree more.

You seem to rely heavily upon your poems.

Hello, Mr. Dean.

Huh?

Mate and three.

Oh. Yeah.

Who? Mate and two.

Um... Yes.

Made him one.

Oh.

You

don't

like losing, do you?

It's a bad habit.

Well, you should be prepared to lose a few battles along the way.

But always win the last one.

Now, listen.

He's been missing for over two hours.

You let me know immediately.

No news.

Kept it yourself, did you?

Didn't tell Captain Smythe?

Oh, no. Good.

No use in starting a panic.

There's no use in our panicking either. You'd better get back to your hotel.

And if something happens?

I'll let you know immediately.

All right.

Swim along now.

Where to now?

Back to the hotel.

And thank you for not asking any questions?

I wouldn't know where to begin.

Peace conference starts at two o 'clock.

Any minute now, my man should be on his way.

Or on their way.

The steed's upstairs and he's dead!

It's like some ghastly experiment gone wrong.

Very wrong.

Well, it's obvious from the fingerprint it's not Steve.

Well, where's the real one, then?

You do that with a great deal of skill.

Yes.

Where did you learn?

In the operating theatres of Europe.

I'd hardly look on you as a healer.

Well, I am a creator.

New faces.

new people

Welcome

to the peace conference

Have you ever thought, Mr. Steed, how a man's character is affected by the faith

with which he is born?

Yes, I have.

Change his faith, new character.

Welcome to the peace conference, brother.

I must concede that you have a certain wit, a certain talent, but your

has never really been.

developed, huh?

If ten years ago I had met you, I could have done so much.

But... But?

Now I have to kill you.

Listen, I don't pretend to know what this is all about, but your friend

he means a great deal to you, yeah?

Well, I'm sure he'll turn up again soon.

He's in trouble.

I only met him once, but he seems to be a man well able to look after himself.

Look, why don't you come with me down to my country house? I promise you, you'll

be well chaperoned and... The conference.

The conference.

The conference.

That's why they grab Steed.

Make a fake Steed and get him past the guards.

Welcome to the peace conference.

Listen, I've got to go. I'm awfully sorry, but... But you can't explain.

It's all right, I understand.

I'm getting rather used to it. All right, now, I'll drive you wherever you

to go.

You don't like losing, do you?

Mr. Steed, I believe you are a connoisseur of wine.

Wine and people.

Edgy.

A degree of bite, but a little devious.

Instant plastic surgery.

Do you really think you can get away with it?

I know you will.

Supposing the fake me gets successfully into the conference, what then?

A percussion bomb.

A percussion bomb?

On the chairman's little gavel.

Little gavel.

When he calls the conference to order, boom.

What's so funny?

You seem to have accepted my invitation after all.

You mean this is your... This is my house, yes.

I lent it to the authorities for the conference. It's the biggest place for

miles. But if you live here, then why are you staying... Why am I staying at

hotel?

I own that too.

Well, he did ask.

Any minute now, we should get the message, huh?

Mission accomplished.

Conference kaput.

Ah, Miss King.

Good news, eh?

What? You hadn't heard?

Steve's alive.

No. There you see, I told you.

Well, where is he? Where is he?

My men told me he was admitted some time ago.

Let's find him.

Mr. Steed, the planes of the human face are incredibly subtle.

A touch here, and we get a look of triumphant elation.

And a touch there, and we get a mask of tragedy.

Triumph and tragedy.

Thumbs up both our situations, doesn't it?

I wonder, would it be amusing if I were to incorporate both? On that side, a

smile of triumph for me, and on this side, for you, a look of dismay,

desperation. I believe it is vacant, unsure.

Unsure? Nothing settled yet.

Can't be.

Where? In there.

But he can't be.

He's in there.

Which one is Steed?

Someone wants to get into the peace conference.

And? And they're creating duplicates of Steed to do it.

I don't believe it either.

Under the circumstances, we must believe that the real Steed is dead.

So? So any other Steeds must be shot on sight.

Would you mind accepting my grandfather's gold hunter as temporary

Excuse me. I've seen someone I know.

Remember, this may well prove the story to the people of the Congress of the

other.

Look, I really don't think there's any point staying here. Your seat is going

turn up again.

And now,

gentlemen...

Search the grounds.

If you see him, shoot him. Don't let him get away.

I think I could use one of these.

All right.

It doesn't make sense.

What doesn't make sense? Well, he didn't blow up the conference.

He had the bomb in his hand. But he jumped out the window with it.

There's no alternative.

He could have left the bomb and jumped out the window.

You don't suppose that... You go that way, I'll go this way. Right.

up your hands.

It's me.

All right.

What did I give you for your birth?

What'd I give you?

Pearls. Yes.

Now that doesn't prove anything.

Remember that time in Tibet.

We rescued that little llama, remember? Friend of the Dalais.

You must remember.

We used a lightweight plane. Two passengers, fore and aft, open cockpit,

remember?

You and I shared the pilot's cockpit.

It was a very lucky thing we did. We kept each other warm. It's very cold in

Himalayas at that time.

Remember? As a result of all that...

We delivered a little lamb, a safe and sound. He had nothing worse than a

frostbitten nose.

Oh, my goodness, it wasn't you at all.

Steve, you'd better remember something quickly.

I'll be sure, Kate.

Steve! Oh, yeah.

Then you can't.

Their orders are shoot to kill.

It's a car.

So you brought a car.

How very thoughtful.

Did?

I'm afraid not.

Look, the woods are full of them.

Hmm. A nice touch of irony.

Hmm?

Aye. And now you.

Thank you.

I shall walk away from here as you, the most respected agent in the country.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that.

That's deed.

Who else would smile at a time like this?

Steed.

You were right, you know.

Wasn't really a holiday, was it?

We were to attend the peace conference.

As official observers.

Just that and nothing more.

That was our duty.

Gadding about in the countryside? We haven't any time for that sort of thing.

For what sort of thing?

Gadding about in the countryside.

Lulling about in the sunshine on the beach?

Ridiculous.

Irresponsible. It's absolutely out of the question.

Unpatriotic -y.

Still, I do think it was a bit... Mean of mother. What's a bit mean of mother?

Making us come back on the very next day.

I think it's going to rain.