All language subtitles for the_avengers_s06e11_look_but_there_were_these_two_fellers

Come in.

Everything's set for tomorrow's board
meeting, Sir Jeremy. Good.

If there's nothing else, I would like to
get away early.

Oh, certainly.

Thank you.

Important date, Miss Charles?

I just want to leave early.

That's all.

Good night, Sir Jeremy.

Thank you.

I suppose the area has been thoroughly
searched.

Thoroughly? The results are waiting for
us in Sir Jeremy's office.

Right.

Haven't you forgotten something?

It's 230 shopping days to Christmas.

It's your birthday?

Why have we been called in? Why have we
been called in? This company, the

Carital Land and Development
Corporation, have just landed the

I see.

Which contract?

Cupid. Cupid?

Cupid. Who is he?

What is it?

In the event of a war, where would the
government go?

The moon?

Underground, Cupid.

Cabinet underground premises in depth,
to be built by this company.

So, naturally, when one of their
directors gets popped off... We are very

concerned. Let's have a look at the
evidence.

And what is exhibit one?

A footprint, found in the grounds.

I hope they took a plaster cast.

Whoops!

does that say? Well, apparently, despite
the size of the shoe, the depth of

impression suggests the person was of
normal weight.

Not a giant.

Unless it was a very thin giant.

And what, may I ask, is that?

I don't know. It looks rather like a
bunch of flowers.

Could be a clue, of course.

Could be.

If it is, immortality is ours.

Well, it's bound to go in the archives
of the Criminal Museum.

With a little card discovered and
donated by Stephen King. One bunch of

It was a walking stick when you found
it. A bam. It was.

Metamorphosis. Tadpole and frog.

Could be awkward.

Swaggering down Bond Street with a bunch
of bananas.

Imagine yourself hailing a cat.

Found it happening right outside my
club.

I could do it now.

Taxi.

Air conditioning.

I already have it. Extra air
conditioning. I think you'd better put

I shouldn't have eaten the bananas when
I had them.

By the tickers.

Very theatrical.

Excellent.

Excellent. Excellent.

Excellent.

Are you sure?

Quite sure. There was no one about.

It was like first house on a Monday.

A wet Monday.

Sir Jeremy was only one of the board.

Our revenge will not be complete until
all the directors are gone. Look at this

man, gentlemen.

Another director of the Carital Land and
Development Corporation.

The Honourable Thomas Randolph
Clegghorn.

Your next victim!

Strike and strike now! He must be
killed!

Killed! Killed!

Scene 8.

What do you think it is?

Well, a red ping -pong ball with a hole
in it. Of course, it needn't necessarily

have anything to do with Claighorn's
murder.

It was found at the scene of the crime.

I know, but the Honourable T .R.
Claighorn was drowned.

And bopped severely on the top of his
aristocratic head. Bopped with the

traditional bopper. A blunt instrument.

Ah!

Just doesn't make sense.

Gigantic footprints, magical bunches of
flowers, red ping -pong balls.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Think of what?

Noses. Red noses.

What does that conjure up?

Inebriates.

Now, there's a long word for you. I know
lots, actually.

Anti -disestablishmentarianism.

You mean doing the crossword again? Try.

What does it mean?

Anti -disab...

Or whatever you said.

Clowns. Eh?

Are you not going to tell me that
antedil... Or whatever.

Mean... No, no. The vermilion proboscis.

A nose by any other name. Ah.

Now, this nose is part of a clown's make
-up.

This is a section on clowns.

Just as mine's mum is. And what does it
say?

It says... Section 247, Vodafil.

And what does that say?

It says, turn to appendix G5, dying art.

Vermilion, proboscis, proboscis,
vermilion.

I'm going through a freeze.

Ah, eggs.

Consequently, eggs.

Eggs? Clowns don't lay eggs.

And bad ones, too. Ah, this is more
important.

Each clown's make -up is copyright and
is individual, it's fingerprints.

These make -ups are painted and
preserved on eggs.

Any idea?

By one Marcus Rugman.

Eggs?

Marcus Rugman, make -up registration
artist?

Yes. I'm Tara King. I phoned you
earlier.

Well? Can I come in?

Come in? Yes.

It's most unusual.

You are a public office.

Yes, that's the trouble.

But I have a query. An important one.

You've read the notice?

I like it.

One section applies to you.

No handbags.

I'll leave it outside.

You must be very...

Very careful.

Eggs break, you know.

So I believe.

You see, Bethoyle, 22 years of patient
brushwork. Every clown's face in Britain

registered and copyrighted by being
painted on an egg.

Large size.

I'm here to trace a clown.

Well, if you know what he looks like, we
can find him. Please.

No wandering. Please.

Follow me.

To the white lie.

Then out of reach.

I promise, I promise.

I didn't know you were going to stop.

It won't happen again.

Well done, Miss Keane. Well done.

Now, what does this clown of yours look
like?

I think it's a red -nosed comedian.

A red -nosed comedian?

That's the line we're following up, Lord
Dessington. I could go barring to him

myself. Or a troupe of young girls, you
know, high -stepping young fillies.

Yes, but where's the sense in it?

Two of our board have been murdered, and
now you're trying to tell us that some

fellow wearing a red nose would be
excellently disguised. You've got a

there. All clowns are the same.

All right, I'll concede that, Peagrave,
but I still say where's the point in it.

Steve here was brought in because of
Project Cupid, and because these murders

might be part of a bigger plot to wreck
the project.

Now we're talking about comedians, red
noses. Be nothing but trouble from the

start. Huh? Project Cupid. Oh, come now,
Brigadier Wiltshire.

What do you mean, trouble?

I understood it was all going smoothly.

Why, so it is.

What about the fights we had? Bradford
and Claycorn arguing about the choice of

materials, and you and Desington arguing
about the choice of subcontractors.

Perfectly normal procedure in a project
the size of Cupid.

Oh, certainly there have been
differences of opinion as to how to

job. And there have been disagreements.
Oh, but on perfectly amicable terms.

Oh, perfectly. I see.

Well, I won't keep you gentlemen any
longer.

I don't have to warn you to be on your
guard. Against chameleons? What'll you

do? Tickle us to death? Oh,

by the way, Mr. Seagrave, you were
wrong. About all clowns looking alike,

don't.

Every make -up is copyright and
preserved on eggs.

Eggs? It'll take time, Miss King, time.

There are so many faces and you have so
few clues.

How long?

Hard to say, really. I might just put my
finger on him in a few minutes and

there again.

Might take a few days.

i'll come back no no no there's uh
there's no need for you to actually come

here in person um perhaps i could phone
you okay i'll give you my colleague's

phone number it's in my handbag follow
me

Get these cards. Now, you will ring?

Yes, yes. Don't worry. Yes, I will ring.

Ah.

Emergency! Emergency!

Emergency!

Emergency!

Emergency! Emergency!

Emergency!

We summoned this emergency meeting
because we do have an emergency.

But we were all set to move against
Brigadier Wiltshire. Wiltshire will have

wait.

You carelessly left part of your makeup
at the scene of the crime.

Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, yes, you did.

Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, yes, you did. Oh,
no, I didn't.

A red ping -pong ball.

It was a vital clue to your identity.

But we work better in full makeup. But
your makeup is distinctive to you.

That's right.

And if I found anybody pinching my act,
I...

Hello? Hello, Miss King.

Mark is here. I think I've found what
you were looking for.

What's that?

Sounded like eggspring.

All the king's horses?

And all the king's men.

He must have been trying to tell us
something.

What? What indeed?

And who killed him?

Look.

Mary Maxie Martin.

If you'll forgive the pun, executed.

And Marcus, the egg man?

Oh, they don't call me the man with a
million cracks for nothing.

I don't think Marcus saw the yolk.

What's next door are the who?

Another director.

But first, think carefully.

Is there anyone else? like the Eggman.

Someone from your past who might expose
you.

He's dead.

Right. Off you go then. Your target will
be working late tonight.

It should be as easy as pie.

Just a minute.

Mary Maxie Martin didn't write all his
own material, did he?

You know, I think you're right.

I am right. Mary Maxie always used the
same dagger, Roger. Someone who could

lead to us? Possibly.

Bradley something.

Bradley Doremi.

Right, get on to him. Find out where
Bradley Doremi is.

No, no, no, you misunderstand me. His
name is Marla.

Doremi Fasolatido.

Bradley Martin.

No, I don't want to hire a comedian. I'm
inquiring about one. Mary Maxie Martin.

Martin. You are the vaudeville artist
information bureau?

I think I've got the man who killed
vaudeville personally.

Pick a card.

No, I don't want hilarious Harry
Horsefly. I want Maxie Martin.

Retired?

Well, semi -retired.

Resting. Is that a word?

Yes,

well, that's the chap. Now, where can I
find him?

Who is gag writer? Who?

Marla?

Bradley Marla, thank you.

Oh, what's the card?

Free of sub.

In your handbag.

That's a great woman.

Bradley Marlowe.

Well, if I'm not Bradley Marlowe, I'm
having a great time with his wife.

I'm having a great time with his wife.

Look, that was a joke. I'm not even
married.

A great time with... Bradley Marlowe,
the comedy writer. Here, look, look.

This girl was going to marry this
millionaire. And one of her friends

look, do you know what you are doing?
He's 87.

And the girl said, look, if somebody
gives you a check like that, you don't

at the date.

You like that one? It has a certain
humorous shape.

Well, don't go away, because it's here
somewhere. Let's see now.

I'm hoping that you can help me.

What is it you're doing? A stag party, a
club, a mitzvah? I'm not in the

entertainment business.

Oh, television.

Look, I've got an hilarious brain
-surgeon routine.

It's only been used once. I want some
information.

Look, doe rabbit. Doe rabbit comes out
of the prairie bush. She looks back and

she says, I wouldn't do that again for
50 bucks.

Forget it. I understand you used to
write for Mary Maxie Martin.

Maxie Martin?

Oh, dear old Maxie Martin. Whatever
happened to him?

I was hoping you might be able to tell
me. No, no, I haven't seen him for

Maxie Martin.

Ha! He's a great comedian, he was. Red
nose, big feet.

Yeah, that was Maxie. He was a quick
change artist, you know.

Fastest in the business. You know, he
could make about six changes to costume

just walking across the stage.

But you don't know where he is now.

No, I mean, where do they go?

Theatres, musicals, clothes, vaudeville,
variety dyes, you know.

Maxie's act was the old style, you see.

Couldn't adapt himself to the news.

Oh, here you are, here you are. A fella
comes out of this house, throws himself

in the road. What up? Old lady passing
by, she says, yeah, are you all right?

says, yes, but I've got a swan out of
the car.

No, forget it. Tell me some more about
Maxie.

Well, I mean, what is it to tell?

He ruled the Gladchester Palladium.

Worked there for years, he did. They
loved him.

Gladchester Palladium?

Yeah, well, it's closed now, you know.

I've been standing empty for I don't
know how long.

Fallen to pieces, I shouldn't wonder,
like all the other old theatres.

Times change.

Yes, I know, but it's a bit sad to think
you're not going to see those big feet

of his again.

Don't think too much.

Call Steed.

Tell him someone's tried to kill me.

Lemon flavoured.

Glue. Yes, an extremely foul setting.

If I hadn't managed to pull it off... At
least it proves one thing.

Our killer's quite capable of making a
mistake.

You're still alive.

Just. No thanks to you, Steed.

Three of us dead already and now another
murderous attack.

What are you doing about it? Chasing
egg?

Or is it red noses this time? One red
nose.

Attached to one Mary Maxie Martin, clown
comic, quick -change artist, star of

the Gladchester Palladium.

This company owns the Gladchester
Palladium.

What? Yes, get the file on it, would
you? I'm afraid it isn't available.

It's gone into our archive.

Oh. Well, take my word for it. The
Gladchester Palladium is ours.

Oh, we bought it with a whole chain of
vaudeville theatres, 30 or 40 of them,

all due for demolition.

As you know, vaudeville's dead.

Looks as though vaudeville may have just
decided to fight back.

Oh, what a pity!

Oh, what a pity!

Oh, what a pity!

Oh, what a pity! Oh, what a pity! Oh,
sorry, Mr. Punch. Sorry? It was a

A failure!

Failure! Oh, what a pity!

What a pity!

We can do it properly second
performance.

Lord Datington should now be dead. He
will be. We'll leave right away.

Wait!

There is another matter, even more
urgent. I asked you earlier if there was

anyone who knew you who could be a
danger.

There's nobody.

We think differently.

Who? Your old gag writer, Bradley
Marler.

I don't get it.

Maxie!

Hey,

Maxie! How are you, boy?

Looking great, are you all right?

Come here, have a chair, have a chair.

Hey, where the hell are we looking for
you?

Well, I mean, that's no way to find
work, is it? Where have you been hiding?

Fooled you, fella.

You can't fool me, Maxie. I know why
you're here. I know why you're here.

Material. That's what you want, isn't
it? Material. I've got some lovely

material here. I was doing one this
morning, which was a beauty. Just right.

Do you remember that? Do you remember
that lovely night throne routine I

you? Wasn't that sensational?

A sensational routine.

And then what about a girl you had in
there, eh?

What a beauty standing there to roll on
the drums and straight past as you had

to be drunk. That was it, you was drunk.
All the time tottering about.

Great stuff it was. And then when you
threw that knife.

Now

you're

quite sure you know what to do.

Three things.

One, stay close to Dessington. Very
close.

Two, never let him out of my sight. Not
for a second.

Three, be prepared for another attempt
at murder. At any time. Good.

I'll get right on duty.

Anything else?

Yes, why do you hold up four fingers?

I can't seem to manage three.

They're all bent.

Hello?

Steve? Marla?

Yeah.

I don't know what you're going to make
of this.

He killed me.

Maxie was here. Mary Maxie Martin. Did
you get his address?

Where is he now?

Hello? Hello?

I'm still here.

I wrote it down.

It's on the desk.

Marla?

Marla!

Is that everything, Mr. C .B.? Yes.

There are a few queries, but I'll raise
those with the architects myself.

I have a couple of visits to make now
anyway.

You'll be back today?

Depends on when I get through.

I'll phone in for any messages.

It's the correspondence on Project
Cupid, sir.

Huh?

Private and confidential correspondence.

Oh, yes, sir. Thank you.

Just go ahead. Act normal.

Darn it, I am normal. Who is this
person? King.

Tara King.

Steed sent me. Steed sent you? Why?

To look after you. Look after me?

Personal bodyguard.

Really? Is this absolutely necessary?

Oh, extremely.

Well, I suppose there's no real harm in
it.

Not really my place to say, sir.

I thought I'd leave if you have no
objection.

Leave? Now?

If you don't mind.

No, of course not.

Off you go.

King, you said?

Hmm. Tara King.

Tara King.

Well, well.

Oh, darling.

Perhaps you'd care for a drink?

No, thanks.

Well, perhaps you wouldn't mind if I had
one?

Not at all.

on the desk.

Bradley Marler has taken his last
curtain call.

Excellent, excellent.

But you must leave at once and rectify
your previous mistake.

Lord Deshington.

I must be killed!

Killed! Killed!

Killed! Killed!

Killed! Killed! Killed! Killed! Oh,
well, well.

Oh, my God, eh?

Well, well, well.

And, uh, you come to keep an eye on me,
eh? That's the idea.

I don't suppose you were ever in the
army?

No.

Of course not.

Foolish, aren't they?

I spent most of my time in the Middle
East.

Funny place.

Hot.

Lots of fans.

Lots of fans.

I was in charge of camels.

I don't suppose you...

A young lady of Gloucester. She met a
young...

Are

you sure you won't join me?

Not quite sure.

I was once in North Alaska.

North Alaska?

Have you been there?

No, never.

Very interesting, I believe. I don't
remember.

I was only two years old at the time.

No camels in North Alaska.

Oh, I believe it's one of the main
features of the place.

What? The absence of camels.

Oh, yes.

Lots of sand.

Lots of sand.

I beg your pardon?

In the Middle East.

Oh.

Lord Dessington, please relax.

After all, we must have something in
common with our camels. Well, let's try,

Joey.

Cricket? Yes.

Stock exchange?

Fashion. Golf?

Motor racing.

Not walking stick.

Music! Either.

I went to a concert.

A great concert.

A great symphony. A great conductor.

Oh, joyous, joyous.

I particularly like that violin stance
of the girls.

The brass rises up.

The piano.

The piccolo.

Now the strings come in again. The great
horn.

The cello. A wave of sound building up.
The drums.

A row.

Building up to a pitch.

A crescendo.

And now the whole orchestra joins in.
The grand finale.

She's still on her tail.

No, no, no. Straight on.

I've got an idea.

Could I be after helping you now, miss?
Oh, thank goodness you're here. You see,

there were these two men. Which two men
would they be now, then? Oh, well, they

just went in there in a taxi cab, you
see, and I... Oh.

is simple. She must be eliminated.

Not me. I'm not killing a woman. Why the
distinction, Mr. Martin?

I don't care. I won't do it. Let me have
her, Mr. Punch.

Who is it?

Who is it? It's me, Fiery Frederick.

I need a new assistant to perfect my
act.

Yes. Give her to Fiery Frederick.

No. No.

No.

There will be a final meeting this
evening at six o 'clock.

But there's only one director left.

Six, six, six, six, six.

You'll go down in history, my girl.

The very first woman to be burnt in
half.

Oh, I know plenty who've been thrown
into.

But burnt? Never.

Of course, it's in its early stages, you
understand.

I think it might work.

But even if it doesn't, it's stage
history, isn't it?

Relax, my girl. Relax.

Yes? Gentleman Jack, a smile, a song,
and an umbrella.

Oh, um, Merlin, the magnificent
magician.

I'm the principal here. Can I help you?
This is Vodavilla, the stopping place

for resting artistes?

Yes. Then you can, because I'm a resting
artiste. Ah, oh, I'm afraid there's no

room, no vacancies. You can't stay here.

But surely you can show me around.

Good, that's settled then.

We're very comfortable here.

This, of course, is the lounge, stage,
reading room.

Charming. I can't wait till the place
becomes available.

Now, what goes on in there?

Just a storeroom, props and hampers, you
know.

Gentlemen, Jack, a smile, a thong, an
umbrella.

Get rid of it. It's nearly time for our
meeting. I'm trying.

I'm trying.

Gentlemen, Jack, I'm sorry, but that's
private. I really must ask you to leave

now. But I haven't seen anything. Some
other day, perhaps. I haven't met any of

your guests. How do you do? Very well,
thank you. Now it's fair. Gentlemen,

Jack, please.

But I was so looking forward to meeting
them.

You wouldn't like them, you know.

They're all eccentric.

All of them.

All of them.

Except me, of course.

No gag.

And now for the final stage of our plan.

I have a big surprise for you.

Are they planning?

To wreck Cupid.

Is that a fact?

A guess.

And the Mary Vauder villains?

They're being duped. They think they're
getting back at the company that closed

their theatre.

So what do we do? Join the meeting?

In a suitable disguise.

And now the big surprise.

We have decided to call a halt to
operations for a while.

We can't stop now. There's one director
left. That's right. Get rid of him and

we can get back to the theaters again.
We can't stop now.

This whole operation was ours.

We want action. Action you will get.

Thank you.

Young man, you're sitting on my washing.

Find out who really pulls the strings
around here.

Did I ever tell you the one about the
chap who wanted to clean up with the

foreign power? No, you never did tell me
the one about the chap who wanted to

clean up with the foreign power. Tortid
Sabotage Cupid?

Sabotage Cupid? Persuaded a group of
variety artistes to do his dirty work

him?

Steed, you forgot the punchline.

Last director?

Seagrave. Curtain?

Curtain.

Beautiful than ever. Come in.

And on time, too.

Steve, you promised to take me to the
opera.

I know I did. I thought it would be a
change from red -nosed comedian.

But the performance starts in half an
hour.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

You'll never be ready.

I promise.

You won't be disappointed.

like this without learning nothing.

Here we go.