Original subtitles

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Milko? Oh, good morning, Mrs. Beale.

Do come in. I warn you, I'm here collecting for Christmas charity, and I

to separate you from at least 50 guineas. Double it, if you'll make the

little more subtle.

Just an octave or two. Oh?

Oh. Someone began his Christmas celebrations early.

Coffee, black.

Thank you.

was it? Eh?

A party last night. Anyone I know?

It wasn't a party, just a quiet dinner with an old friend.

Blonde, brunette or redhead?

Shiny pink, rare admiral Keevers. Bald as a baby's elbow.

It was just a quiet dinner, eh?

Wild thyme. What?

Thyme with a sugar.

Oh. Why don't they make a...

Silence over these things.

Well, rare animal or not, he certainly led you in an orgy of excesses. No,

that's luck. The old boy is 73 years old. We had half a bottle of claret,

of port, and that was all.

Well, it can't be overworked.

Oh. Steve, what's wrong?

It's all right. It's nothing. Now, don't suffer in silence. Tell me what's

wrong. It's nothing.

I just haven't been sleeping very well the past week or so.

I've been having nightmares.

You don't have a fever.

Must be your past catching up on you.

If it were that, that would be fun.

Now, this is terrifying.

It's always the same nightmare with variation.

What kind of nightmare?

A Christmas nightmare.

Seasonal?

I'm standing in a forest of Christmas trees, and I find a present addressed to

me. I open it, and it is me. It's a photograph of myself.

And the dream finally ends by bumping into Santa Claus, and he's a

nasty type.

It was a simple case of childhood regression, dating back to the time that

first discovered there really isn't a Father Christmas.

Oh, dear, isn't there?

Funny, though.

It's funny how Freddy came into my dream last night.

Who's Freddy?

Freddy Marshall.

Well, it isn't surprising. I suppose he's been on my mind a good deal lately.

Oh, why?

Secrets have been getting into the wrong hands.

And you think he may be responsible?

I'm certain he's responsible because the secrets that have been leaking out have

only been entrusted to two people, him and me. I know it isn't me.

So no alternative but to suspect him? I wish there were. We're old friends. We

trained together. We've been in a lot of tight spots together.

And in the dream last night, he was as dead as a doornail.

Your subconscious killed him off.

You don't like this assignment, so in your dream, you ended by having him

killed.

Maybe you're right.

I should forget all about it.

Is this Freddie Marshall?

Yes, why?

Have you seen the morning papers?

No.

Deed? Deed?

Wake up.

Glad to see you took my advice. Put your feet up.

I've decided to spoil you.

Caviar, quail's eggs, asparagus, your favorite cheese.

We could even open a bottle of champagne.

Freddie Marshall had some kind of brainstorm.

I phoned the doctor in charge.

He died of a brainstorm.

A stroke, you mean. Some kind of a seizure.

A nervous breakdown exaggerated to enormous proportions until the brain

take it anymore so that it, metaphorically speaking, exploded.

Well, that's how the doctor described it.

Well, it's over now, Sue. Much better forget it.

Look, I bought you Christmas cards.

Why don't you want to open them?

Give me a hand, will you? I love opening other people's cards.

See who hasn't forgotten me this time.

Come fly with me, Amy.

Oh, chocks away, Carlotta.

Yes, Carlotta.

Beth? Wishes for the future.

Kathy.

Mrs. Gale.

Oh, how nice of her to remember me.

What can't she be doing in Fort Knox?

Longing for you, Irma.

Ooh, charming Irma. I can remember a terrible time in Monte Carlo when... Who

Bufum?

I'm the postmistress at Anger.

Much more of this and I shall lose my appetite.

How would you like to come away with me for Christmas?

House party I've been invited to. You would come along too.

Whose party?

Brandon Stories.

The publisher? I didn't think you knew him.

I don't. Well, hardly at all. The invitation came through a mutual friend,

Jeremy Wade.

Oh, that's the fellow who deals in old prints and manuscripts.

Is he still after your first edition?

It would do you good.

Be delighted.

Good, I've settled then.

You'll call for me?

Uh, yes, yes, about ten.

Yes, I know.

Wouldn't it be kinder to retire her to the British Museum?

The quality of a lady's performance is not measured by her years.

We go right, I think.

No, left. It's just round the next bend.

I thought you hadn't been here before.

I haven't.

Steve? Good afternoon.

I'm Mrs. Steele and this is Mr. Steele.

Good afternoon, sir and madam.

You are expected.

Please come in. Thank you.

Brandon's story is a great authority on Dickens.

I expect you would like to retire to your rooms after your journey, if you

accompany me.

Well, Jeremy, what do you think now? Mrs. Peel has just arrived, and she's

brought seed with her.

It's astonishing.

Martin, she actually did invite him.

Never had any doubt that she would, Jeremy. That part of it was easy.

The real difficulties lie ahead.

We're really going to go on with it?

Of course. The whole experiment is pointless unless carried to a logical

conclusion, Sherry.

Oh, come along now, Jeremy.

You said yourself that this would make a fascinating exercise.

And when Janice gets here... Janice?

Yes, Janice Crane.

She's a real fine, Jeremy.

Her powers make you and me look like fumbling beginners.

She'll make the breakthrough tonight.

Tonight?

But I thought you said...

I understood that when Mrs. Peel got and forget Mrs. Peel now, Jeremy.

Concentrate on Steed.

Come in.

Well, how do you like it?

It isn't exactly the bridal suite, but it's very well appointed.

Mr. Story seems very single -minded.

He's obsessive about the works of Dickens. Tries to recreate the

the books.

They seem to have given me the old curiosity shock.

You know, I've always rather fancied myself in one of these.

So have I.

I mean, I have too.

It's opulent, just the thing for old -fashioned nightmares.

I thought we came down here to forget about those. So did I.

But that festive display down there was straight out of my nightmare.

Oh, well, I suppose I'll just have to learn to live with it.

My newly acquired psychic power.

Say, I wonder if I'm a reincarnation of someone.

Like whom, for instance?

Oh, I don't know.

Genghis Khan?

Napoleon? How about Rasputin?

Seriously, though, Steed, I mean, the Christmas decorations, how could you

known? I knew about Freddie Marshall.

Yes.

Yes, you did.

Not here yet, then? Hmm?

Janice Crane. Mr. Trasker?

Thank you, Jenkins.

She'll be here, don't worry.

Oh, my dear Mrs. Peel.

A merry Christmas, my dear. A merrier Christmas.

And you, sir, must be John Steed.

Delighted, dear fellow, delighted.

Have a good run down.

Capital excellent.

Feel like a drink now, eh?

Of course you do.

Do you know anyone else, sir?

Never mind. Time for introductions later.

Good to make your acquaintance.

Seasonal compliments, Mr. Seed, and to you, my dear. Merry Christmas.

You certainly go in for a traditional Christmas.

Dickens, old man, Dickens. Nothing quite like a Dickensian Christmas.

Try to keep on the pattern he says.

Splendid time of the year.

Renew old friendships, make new ones. The turkey, the puddings, the holly. The

mistletoe.

Admirable custom.

I admire what it's like.

Had the right touch, don't you think? Did you design it yourself?

Emma.

Jeremy, how nice to see you. How are you?

You're looking radiant.

Leave you in good hands.

Jeremy, I'd like you to meet John Teed.

Jeremy Wade.

How do you do? Mr. Teed. I thought you found your way down here all right.

Instinctively. Jeremy, could I have a word?

May I introduce Martin Trasker. This is Mrs. Peel, John Steed. How do you do?

How do you do?

I'm sorry to butt in, Jeremy, but you did promise to show me those first

editions.

Sorry to drag him away, but we may not have another chance later.

Go ahead.

Well?

Feeling better?

Christmas.

Splendid time of year. Renew old friendships.

Make new ones.

Hello. Hello.

I don't see why we have... Phase two, Jeremy.

We agreed that we'd progress to phase two.

It's a bit hard on the steed fellow, isn't it?

Rumour has it he's a pretty tough nut.

Can take it. Take it?

I thought you said there was nothing harmful about this.

I thought you said this chap, Freddie Marshall... Died of natural causes.

Complete coincidence he died just when he did.

Are you sure about that?

Told you.

Made a thorough investigation.

Yes, done a great deal of globe -trotting in my time.

Asia, far east, looking for first editions of Dickens, no doubt.

Good afternoon, Brandon.

Nice to see you again.

Oh, good afternoon. May I introduce Mrs.

Peel, John Steed, Mr... Teasel.

Dr. Felix Teasel. How do you do? How do you do? Doctor, yes, of course. How

silly of me to forget we met.

Where did we meet? Oh, it was a long time ago.

Mrs. Peel, I've read some of your articles on psychoanalysis. They're very

for the lay public.

I take it you practice psychoanalysis?

Yes, I do.

Tired, Mr. Steed?

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Get you another drink.

Thank you.

Give Richard.

What?

That chap Teasel.

Claims he knows me.

Swear I never saw him before.

Interesting cake history.

All this.

The preoccupation with one man bordering on obsessive compulsion, don't you

think?

Still, I believe that Story's collection of Dickensiana is without parallel.

Is it true he has some of the original manuscripts here?

I wouldn't know.

Jeremy would.

Jeremy Wade, just through here.

Jeremy, I... Something wrong?

It's funny. I was sure I saw him come in here.

Well, he isn't in here.

Irresistibly tired.

Lids are heavy.

Must sleep.

Sleep.

It was a long drive down here today.

It was a long drive down here today.

Do excuse me. Then you are tired, Mr. Steed.

I am rather. I'll get my head down for an hour or so and I'll be as fresh as a

daisy.

Do forgive me, my dear.

You look concerned.

Not like him.

Oh I shouldn't worry.

Nothing like a good sleep to refresh the mind.

But I must have met her before.

Janice Crane, but you've never met her. I must have.

It's the only logical explanation.

Well, how do you count for the ride in the tumbril?

Yes.

There I am, dressed in the rig of the period.

And there's Madame Guillotine.

And suddenly, swish.

No head, no bowler.

Sidney Carton.

He was the chap from A Tale of Two Cities.

It's a far, far better thing I do.

He had a one -way ticket to the guillotine.

That's it. I saw this.

It registered.

So I dreamt about it.

You don't usually sleep in the afternoons. I suddenly felt tired,

sleep. Compelled?

I suppose there is a compulsion to sleep when one's tired.

Steve, these nightmares began with Freddie Marshall's death.

And Marshall was betraying secrets.

Well, what kind of secrets?

I know you can't tell me in detail. Look, we've been over all that before. I

told you.

When did you tell me?

I didn't, did I?

I thought I'd told someone you were the only person I'd confide in.

Oh, well.

Must have dreamt it.

Nearing the final phase now. That will be your responsibility, Janice.

But first, I have to soften him up.

Soften him up?

Hmm. Like a military operation, Jeremy.

The last wave of shock troops before the final assault.

Don't you think we're really going a bit too far? What do you propose?

A party game.

A small charade.

An entertainment would be suggested.

A piece of trickery.

An experiment in mind reading.

It's perfect, don't you see?

We'd approach Steed, get him to cooperate actively.

In front of the whole party?

Well, who's to know the difference? An amusing diversion for everyone except

Steed.

I don't like it. You agreed to see the experiment through to the end.

Look, why don't we tell Steed what we're doing?

My dear Jeremy, that would spoil the whole thing, don't you see?

When we disclose our findings, there must be no loopholes.

If Steed knew what was going on, the skeptics could say that the whole thing

just a trick, a cheap trick.

Can't have that, now can we?

But tonight. We finish it tonight.

Yes.

We finish it tonight.

All right, then.

Is he indispensable?

No, not now that you're here.

Why? I just think I should keep an eye on him.

Too many anxieties.

We don't want everything ruined now, when we're so close.

Maybe right, yes.

Yes, won't do any harm to observe him.

Come in.

Give me a fun.

With Mr. Torrey's compliments, sir. Thank you.

What is it, anyway?

It's for the party tonight. The theme is Dickens.

Guess what I got.

Nicholas Nickleby. Nope.

Tiny Tim. Nope.

Oliver Twist.

My word, you have filled out.

Let's see what you got.

I hope it's Little Nell.

Tale of Two Cities.

Sydney Carton.

Ah, Mr. Teed, reflecting you, eh?

Up to your little rest.

Yes, thank you.

Treading a stately measure takes quite a bit of puff.

Charming, my dear, quite charming.

Thank you.

And you, Mr. Teed, a good fit, I trust. Might have been made for you. Excellent,

excellent. Well, dear fellow, the festive board awaits.

Eat, drink, and be merry.

But don't lose your head, eh? Oh.

Let me, the festive board, lead me to the punch.

Ah.

It's a fine party, Jenkins.

Thank you, madam.

A fancy dress.

Who chose to put who into what?

Just the luck of the draw, madam.

Thank you.

I'll bet my bowl of gruel it wasn't that.

These dreams of yours, the way the pattern keeps fitting.

You don't think it was just a psychic phenomenon?

No. Do you?

Well, do you?

No other explanation.

Oh, Dr. Teasel.

A hypothetical case.

A patient has a recurring dream.

A terrifying one.

And when he wakes, he finds that the fantasy of his dream is becoming a fact.

So he tells you.

One cannot produce one's dreams as evidence.

Perhaps it works the other way around for this man.

He sees the facts, the actuality, then tells you that he's dreamt about them.

You mean he deliberately lies?

Oh, not deliberately. Such a man might not be responsible for his actions.

A hypothetical case, you say?

Yes. That's fortunate.

Why? Such a man could be dangerous.

Clearly, he's on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.

Please, sir.

Please, sir, I want some more.

I never was more convinced of anything in my life. That boy will be hung.

I'm glad to see you got the Christmas spirit at last.

At last? You've had that hooded fruit bat expression on, keeping your beady

on me as though I was going to scuttle down a warren.

Ah, smile is good.

I hear you're not feeling very well, Steve. There's preoccupation with my

health. Oh, excuse my shame.

I feel as though I was surrounded by the beneficiaries of an insurance policy.

Do I look as though I need care and attention?

On the contrary, you're looking very debonair this evening. I'd better press

home my advantage. May I?

Oh, of course.

Excuse us.

Are you ready?

Martin, I think we ought to reconsider. Just do as we agree, Jeremy.

That's all.

Steve? Hmm?

You thought of getting expert advice on your dreams?

It's not worth bothering about.

Well, I think it is. I think a chap with a good psychoanalyst... Psychoanalyst?

Just because I've had a few... Do you refer?

Of course.

Just because I've had a few dreams, you think I'm going potty? I didn't say

that. You're implying it. I implied nothing of the kind. All I suggest is if

went and got some advice... I'm

very happy to meet you again.

Again?

I think you must be mistaken.

We've never met before.

Janice, I... Ah, I see you've met Mr. Teed.

You're just in time, my dear. A few minutes to midnight.

Soon to be Christmas Day. The perfect moment to show us your party feet. No,

really, I can't. Oh, nonsense. Of course you must, Janice, please.

Very well.

Perhaps you'd care to help me, Mr. Teed? Of course. You seem very much in

sympathy. I am?

I mean, I am.

Very well, Martin.

Marvelous. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy to be able

to tell you that we have with us tonight Miss Janice Crane.

And she has very kindly consented to amuse us all tonight with her party

de résistance.

Well, it's very kind of Miss Crane to provide a little entertainment, isn't

Yes, of course it is. She has agreed to... agreed to...

She has agreed to let you challenge her extrasensory perception.

Her occult powers.

Now, we must have complete silence.

Complete silence, if you please.

Thank you.

First, may I introduce Mr. Steed, who has kindly volunteered to assist me.

Mr. Steed will vouch for the fact that until a few moments ago, we had never

before. Isn't that so, Mr. Steed?

Absolutely, yes.

Now, would you go amongst the audience, take any item you wish, concentrate

on it, and I will endeavor to identify it.

Would you identify this, please?

A diary.

Correct. And inside?

A telephone number.

Your telephone number, Mr. Steed.

This ought to fix her.

Another object.

It's square.

No, rectangular.

There are several.

A pack of cards.

That's right. Now, which particular card?

One of the court cards.

A queen, a queen of diamonds.

And the next?

A black card.

You must help me. You must concentrate.

Help me.

The ace of spades.

And the next?

A red card.

Concentrate. Help me.

You're slipping. You're letting go.

Concentrate. Let your mind see nothing but the card.

You must help me. You must concentrate.

You're slipping.

You're letting go.

Let your mind see nothing but the card.

You're fighting me. Don't fight me.

Relax.

Open your mind to me.

Relax.

I'm so sorry.

It's Christmas, everybody!

A merry Christmas!

I do apologize. I ruined your act.

Don't worry.

There's always another time.

Are you all right?

I think so. What happened?

I'll tell you later.

Jeremy.

Jeremy.

What is going on?

What's going on? I don't know what you mean.

That was no game just now, and you know it.

I didn't think it would go this far.

An experiment.

A psychic experiment, that's what they said.

Who were they?

I can't explain now.

Later. Where?

Upstairs, Hall of Great Expectations.

Martin, Jeremy Wade is planning to betray us.

Jeremy?

Jeremy?

Steve. Steve. My dear, I haven't wished you a Merry Christmas. Jeremy Wade is

dead.

I've got a little present for you.

Did you hear what I said?

Hope you like it.

It isn't to write with. Oh, no.

Point in the desired direction.

Press the little clip.

And bingo.

Full of tear gas.

Well, that was a fine party.

Jeremy wanted to tell me something about what's going on here.

What's happening to you?

My Christmas stocking.

I must hang up my Christmas stocking. Oh, it's a delightful stocking. A

stocking. Good night, my dear.

Oh, it's a marvellous piece of knitting.

There never was such a stocking.

Toes wriggling.

That's all I can get an image of.

Toes wriggling in soft woolen socks.

Resisting. Be all right once he's asleep.

If he sleeps.

Don't worry.

He'll sleep.

Dr. Teas, I must see you at Steed.

Oh?

What about him? That complete mental breakdown you spoke of.

Well, it's happening to him.

And somebody's deliberately making it happen.

Oh. Come now, don't you think you're dramatizing just a bit too much? No.

with me.

Look.

But it was there just a few moments ago.

What was there?

The body of Jeremy Wade.

Dead? In this chair?

It is Steed who's had a complete mental breakdown. I didn't imagine it. It was

there.

Mrs. Peel, it's rather late, if you don't mind. You believe in telepathy,

you? I don't disbelieve. The mind is still virtually unexplored. But until I

have concrete evidence... I think there is evidence.

Here in this house.

Steed's been having nightmares. Bad nightmares.

I think they were specially created for him.

And as for that game we saw this evening... Really, I don't see how.

To break him down. Telepathy, if it exists, is merely the exchange of

between two individuals.

Or a group.

Jeremy said they.

Supposing a group of people, each of them telepathic, thought as one.

that increase their powers?

Nothing you've said to me so far is feasible.

And you've overlooked one important aspect.

Why should anyone wish to direct such a fantastic operation against Steed?

Because of the secrecy he carries in his mind.

Mrs. Peel, this discussion's gone on long enough...

Drunk. To make him sleep.

I must warn Steve. That won't be necessary, Mrs. Peel.

We wouldn't want Steve to lose a good night's sleep, would we?

Oh, the grand old Duke of York. He had ten thousand men.

He marched them up to the top of the hill.

That's extremely charming of you, and thank you very much.

And he marched them down again.

Not at all, sir.

Good night.

And when they were up, they were up. Good night. And when they were down,

were down. And when they were only halfway up, they were neither up nor

Quite interesting.

Extraordinarily tuneful.

I suggest you sit down, Mrs. Peel.

You're involved.

I'd rather you didn't discuss that business.

Rather you didn't even think about it.

Oh, the grand old Duke of York.

He had 10 ,000 men.

He marched them up to the top of the hill.

He's drifting off.

He's asleep.

Good.

Now we feed him our questions.

Ready?

Yes.

Get up.

Wake up. You've been drugged.

I haven't, you know.

I thought it all down the sink.

There's enough there to knock out a herd of buffalo.

I tell them to get at my thoughts.

I'll give you two, oh. I suspected it as soon as I saw those Christmas trees

down there.

Green grow the rushes, oh.

What is your two, oh?

So I thought I'd get into their thoughts.

Two, two, the lily -white boys, clothed all in green ho -ho. It was Teasel's

idea. Teasel?

Security Intelligence Psychiatric Division.

Where is he now, by the way?

Green brother rushes! I knocked him out.

Oh. War office won't like that. But why didn't you tell me? What is your trio?

Why are you keeping the door?

And will you please stop singing?

I must go on. They might be overhearing us now.

What is your trio?

What made you invite me down here in the first place?

Well, I don't know. When I got the invitation, I thought it entered my

To, to the lily white boys, close it all in green ho -ho. One is one and all

alone and evermore shall be so.

You're being got at.

I couldn't let you know. It might have given the game away.

What is your four -o?

Green crow, the rush is through.

I'll lay you four -o. Did it work? Did you find out about your dream?

Oh, Janice Crane had something to do with it.

She was stuck naked with a splinter in her foot.

What? Well, it was my dream, you know.

Naked?

With a splinter in her foot?

To, to the lily -white boy.

There's something wrong.

Keep trying.

We can't fail now.

Here comes the candle to light you to bed.

It's a bit uncomfortable, isn't it?

Someone poking around in one's inmost thoughts.

And you can put that in your crystal bowl.

Here comes the chopper to chop off your head.

Danger. I feel danger.

The mirror room.

Steed very close. The mirror room.

Story. Random story.

You mustn't cry.

It's that pen you gave me.

It broke.

Oh, yeah.

See what I mean?

Out of your mind.

What? There.

Oh, I'll be able to get a good night's sleep again.

Sweet dreams.

Come on, then. Giddy up, Franza. Giddy up.