Original subtitles

Good afternoon, Fred. Good afternoon.

Go away, Esther. I'm trying to sleep.

Fred, it's Calvin.

How's your throat?

Still a little hoarse. Oh, yeah?

So is he.

This is General Lee. I bought all this stuff from Daniel Perkins, who retired.

And I am here to make you a beautiful business proposition.

What's the proposition?

Come on, I'll show it to you.

All right.

Now, I have got a wagon load of junk here.

You're... in the junk business.

I've got junk, so let's make a deal.

Okay, if the price is right.

I'm asking $200.

I'm answering $50.

All right, for you, I'll go down a little lower, $100.

Well, for you, I'll come up a little higher.

$50.

That's as high as I'm going to get.

All right, I'll take it.

$50. But that's only for the junk.

Not General Lee here.

Now, for $100, you couldn't buy this horse.

But I want the horse anyway. I don't need no horse.

Let me ask you a question.

What? Why not the horse?

Why aren't I selling the horse, Fred?

Would you sell them on... How much?

I can't sell this horse. This is a living, breathing thing. It's got a

It's got a lung.

It's got a liver. It's got a strong back.

I'll tell you what.

I'll throw in $10 extra for this living, breathing, stinking horse.

Are you kidding?

$10 for a thoroughbred? Or a pet?

Thorough pet?

I heard that. You said thoroughbred. That's what you said. He's a

Well, uh, so what if I did?

How did Perkins get a thoroughbred?

He stole him.

Stole him?

That makes you a horse thief. No, it don't. He stole him. I bought him.

Well, it makes you a horse thief once removed.

And once removed, a horse thief gets from 10 to 20.

horse like this anyway. I mean, what are you going to do with a thoroughbred

racing horse if you can't race anymore?

Yeah, that's right.

I'll give you $20.

$20? Yeah.

For the senior citizen secretariat?

I mean, $20 for the horse, $50 for the wagon, take it or leave it, or lump it.

Well... Going once?

Well... Going twice?

Well... That's your last trip to the well, Captain.

Well, I'll take it.

Well, I'll go get it.

What did I tell you, General Lee?

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but Fred Sanford always

fools Russian.

Well, what's me never going?

I'm going to...

make a lot of dough.

He's so dumb and so smart at the same time.

Well, goodbye, General Lee.

Here you go.

Seventy bucks. Thank you.

Take good care of yourself, General Lee.

Red.

Please, take care of him.

Here's his papers.

Right. And his hat.

Good. You got a real... You got a real bargain there, Fred.

Calvin! Goodbye, Grady.

You know, in all the years that I've known him, that's the first time we ever

had a real conversation.

Whose horse is this, Fred?

He's mine, Grady.

You look at a million dollars worth of horses.

Oh, yeah?

Where is it? Behind this one?

No, Grady.

This one.

Oh, this horse don't look like he's worth anything to me, Fred.

That's because you don't know nothing about horses.

See, this ain't just a junk wagon horse. This is a race horse.

This is a race horse?

That's right.

Well, I tell you what, Fred, you bring over the turtle he's raising, I'll bet

on a turtle.

See, he ain't raising anymore.

Well, you can say that again.

He ain't raising anymore.

Say, Fred, will you please tell me why you bought that horse?

Same reason a millionaire bought Secretariat when he finished raising.

And why was that?

To make him a proud father.

I don't care.

He will.

Come on, come on, dear Brady, and let me clear it up for you. Yeah, yeah, clear

it up for me, Fred. See, a stud racehorse, that's a horse that when it

finished racing, they take him out to the farm, and then they put some mares

around. And then one night, when the moon is mellow, and they're full of

and he's like the birds and the bees.

Once they made his mayor the secretary, they got to pay $100 ,000.

Good googly -goo. See, if my horse can just get $2 ,000 or $3 ,000, I'd be

Oh, wow. How often do you think he can do that?

I figure every Saturday night.

Or early Sunday morning.

He know the weekend's coming.

Say, Reggie, you tell the man about this?

No, I'm going to surprise him.

Oh, how are you going to surprise him? He's going to see the horse as soon as

drives up on the truck.

Yeah, maybe. I better hide him.

Well, it ain't easy to hide a horse, Fred.

Nothing's easy for you, Grady. See, it's when you got a nimble brain like mine

that difficult problems become easy.

Oh, where are you going to hide them, Fred?

In the kitchen.

You know, that's why you're a genius.

I never would have thought of that.

I'd have hid them in the bathroom.

Goodbye, Grady.

Yeah, see you later, Fred.

You're going to be hiding in the bathroom. You're not going to be in the

kitchen.

Easy now, come on in.

You won't know what to say when he sees you.

Just come on with me. Take your time now. Don't knock nothing over.

Come on with me.

Easy now.

You stay right in here.

Right there, that smell.

Okay? Now, wait a minute. I got something for you.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I better not give you this. Sugar is fattening,

and I want you nice and slim and trim for your first date.

Come on.

Why are you doing home this early?

Wait a minute. Don't move.

Hey, Pop, what's that wagon load of junk doing in the yard?

Well, you see, Dan Perkins retired, and he sold it to Calvin, and I bought it

from Calvin. How much?

Seventy bucks.

Seventy dollars? Are you crazy, Pop? That isn't even worth twenty dollars.

besides, I gotta get the truck fixed, and we only had about eighty dollars in

the house. How could you spend seventy dollars on that junk?

Sit down, son. I got a little surprise for you. I don't want no surprises, Pop.

I'm starving. I've been working all day. I want food.

Pop what's that horse doing in the kitchen?

That makes it harder.

That's Perkins' old horse, isn't it?

Son, let me tell you. That is not a horse.

That's your inheritance.

I can breed him and get a thousand dollars to breed.

Well, we're going to need a bigger kitchen.

What I mean is... I know what you mean, Papa, and I think it's ridiculous. I

mean, how do we even know that that horse is a thoroughbred? I got the

But where are we going to find mares to breed with him, Pop? We going to take

him on a dating game?

Stop trying to fight being a millionaire.

Look, if that horse is such a valuable thoroughbred, how come he's pulling a

junk wagon instead of laying around on some farm between dates?

Well, it's a possibility he could have been stolen.

You mean to tell me that horse is hot?

Hot? I hope he's a nymphomaniac.

as fruit.

Beautiful.

Morning, son.

Did you sleep good?

No, I was not too good, Papa. I was cold all night.

Seems like somebody stole my blanket.

My blanket? That's my blanket.

Son, I would have used mine, but you know, the cold is bad for my arthritis.

I wouldn't like it on a horse.

Well, you can get it back tonight.

But what about the smell?

You just seem to mind it.

I don't believe this, man. I just don't believe this.

Why don't you believe me? What's wrong with me wanting my horse attractive?

Well, why does he have to look attractive, Pop? We can always dim the

the stall.

Come on. You don't need to hear. He's a shark.

So when Mr. Crenshaw gets here, he'll be okay.

Crenshaw? Who is that?

Who is that?

Yeah. He's the biggest horse breeder in the Southwest.

So? So I'm going to tell him General Lee here.

Are you nuts?

No, really.

I'm going to tell him General Lee, and then I'll get me a whole lot of money

at once.

You think this guy Crenshaw is going to be so dumb that he's not going to know

this horse is stolen?

You think I don't know nothing, though. You think I ain't got any no sense.

You think I ain't got no brains.

Keep going. You're still on the yeses.

Listen, let me tell you. See, Calvin called up a friend of his who's an

attorney. And he said that I can't be arrested anymore for a horse deed

it's past the statute of elimination.

The what?

Elimination. Past the statute of elimination, Johnny.

That's the statute of limitation.

That too.

You got it? Yes. Well, come on in the house, Grady. All right.

Wow, what a coincidence. That looks just like Lamar's blanket.

Hi, Lamar. What's the matter? Can't you speak to an old friend?

Yeah, I was just about... I mean, somebody that's known you since you were

baby comes over to your house and you can't even say hello?

Yeah, I was just... Somebody took care of you when your father was away. Stands

before you and you can't even say hello. I was just about... Lamar, I don't

deserve to be insulted like that.

Hi, Grady.

Oh, hi, Lamar.

Say, Grady, did you look General Lee up?

No, I didn't have time, Fred. I rushed right over from the library.

Say, what's that book about?

It's a book about third -grade horses and all their records and everything.

Look here.

That's General Lee, born 1959.

That's 9 times 7 goes into 38, multiplied.

You know, he's 15 years old. Wow.

That would make him about 65 if he was a person, Pop.

Yeah, he's pretty far gone, Fred.

What are you talking about, Grady?

I'm around 65, and I'm just in the prime of my life.

When was the last time you were a father?

That's none of your business.

And it's none of my business.

But it's going to be General Lee's business.

He was some kind of a horse. Look at here.

General Lee by Confederate lad out of Carolina Bell.

You hear that, Lamont? Yes, sir, what? He won $200 ,000 as a three -year -old.

And you, 32, ain't never seen $200 ,000.

He pulled up lame.

in a steak race for four -year -olds and was retired.

Gee.

What?

Gee.

I heard the gee. Gee what?

Gee nothing. That's what it has here in the description.

Does it say what it means?

No, I guess it means girl.

Let me see.

Girl. Yeah.

Why would they name a horse a girl horse generally?

I don't know. Maybe he was into wax.

G means gelded.

What does that mean?

It means you were right.

That horse was in the wax?

No, Grady, it means that he's...

What

do you mean, Fred?

It means we're finished. So is he.

I don't...

Grady, the horse has been fixed.

Fixed? Yeah. See, he's fixed. He can't have no babies.

Why not?

Because he had a horse that wrecked me.

Win, place, and show, and tan up tickets.

Now, neither one of those got anything to do with neither one of these. Well,

least we know that the horse is not stolen. Perkins probably picked that

up for a song. If I a soprano.

How did you let Calvin con you into buying a lemon like that, Pop? I mean,

could you do that?

Nobody cons Fred Sattler. I insisted on buying it.

Yeah, well, you better insist on something, because that guy Crenshaw is

over here, and he's going to take one look at that horse, and he's going to

the whole story behind him.

I'll change the name.

Yeah, a lot of good that's going to do. He'll look at that horse, and he'll know

it's Ben Gilded.

Well, we got to think.

I got an idea.

Shut up, Grady.

Yeah, that's good, too.

157 years old. I won't believe this.

How does he look?

Like Al Capone.

Oh.

Perhaps the hat is a bit much.

Yeah, yeah, the hat. The hat should go because the pants look normal.

I know this is stupid, and I've done it again and again, and I'm just

dumb. I guess it's stupid, but I didn't do it for me. Oh, I know, Pop.

I did it for you. Oh, sure, I know.

I wanted you to have the things I never had.

Well, I'm just happy to have the things that he doesn't have.

Uh -huh. Is that guy Crenshaw?

Yeah. Uh, listen, what you gonna tell him?

What, am I gonna tell him? Yeah. I'm gonna say, hi, I'm Lamont. This is my

father. Wait till you hear this.

Stay out of it. Just leave him. I'll take care of myself.

Mr. Sanford?

Yes.

John Crenshaw.

It's a pleasure.

Mr. Crenshaw, this is my son Lamont. How do you do?

The pants.

Yeah, the pants. They're nice, aren't they? What are you getting them for? No,

mean the horses' pants.

Oh, that's my idea.

I thought since he's such a great racehorse, I would just keep his legs

Steady, fellas. Steady, fellas.

Obviously, past his racing days, Mr. Sanford.

Mr. Crenshaw, we're not discussing racing.

We're discussing chasing.

What did you have in mind?

Well, I was going to sell him to a breeder.

I see.

And you have the papers to prove that he's thoroughbred? Sure. And as soon as

finish making our deal, I'll go in the house and try to find him.

Uh -huh.

What's his name?

Uh, General Lee.

General Lee?

Yeah. Born 1959.

1959, yes.

Yeah.

Was a Confederate lad out of Carolina Bell.

And that's not all he's out of.

Goodbye, inheritance.

You're trying to sell me a gelding for breeding purposes, Mr. Sanford?

Gelding? A gelding?

I didn't know this was a gelding. I thought it was a racehorse.

Come on, Pop. The race is over.

Mr. Sanford, just how much did you think you could get for this horse?

Oh, $100 ,000, $50 ,000.

I'd even sell for $30 ,000.

Would you take $25 ,000?

$25 ,000?

No, $25.

$25? That's right.

You see, Mr. Sanford, we horsemen are sentimentalists.

General Lee was a marvelous horse in his day.

And I would rather spend $25 to keep them in a pasture than to see them

a junk wagon.

Well, I'm a sentimentalist, too, and I wouldn't part with him for less than

Oh, in that case... Oh, wait a minute.

I'll buy $30, and I'll throw in the pants.

That's a deal.

Good night, General Lee.

You're going home.

Well, at least you got something out of it.

Yeah, I didn't do too bad. There's one thing I can't understand, Pop. Why would

they gild a horse in the first place?

Well, maybe it'll make him run faster.

Well, how could that be?

Well, I know if they was going to do that to me, I'd have run out of it.

How was dinner?

Hey, man, your voice is getting better. Yeah, I mixed some lemon and honey.

Oh, great.

Yeah, and I mixed in some hot buttermilk and butter. Right.

And added some orange juice for vitamin C and a little onion salt to get it all

working.

How could you drink that?

I didn't drink it. I rubbed it on my throat.

Yeah, how was dinner? Which one?

Oh, was this dinner?

I thought this was a test for tongue tolerance.

Don't be smart.

What was wrong with it? Well, everything was overcooked, the roast was leathery,

and that's the first time I ever ate half black potatoes.

I'm sorry, son. I just can't get poor General Lee off my mind.

Why, Pop? What happened?

Well, I got a call from Mr. Crenshaw. What did he want?

Well, he said that General Lee is doing fine.

What's wrong with that? That's good.

Yeah, and he loves it in a new passion, and he seems to be very happy. He's

living with another horse.

Wait a minute. General Lee is living with another horse?

Yeah, General Grant.