Original subtitles

Hey, what are you so nervous about, Pop?

Grady's supposed to be in here late.

Well, Grady comes over here almost every night, so what if he's a little late

for a change? Yeah, but he's a lot late tonight.

I told him to be here at 7. He said, no, 8. It is going on 9, almost 10.

He's three hours late.

Don't worry about it, Pop.

Yeah, but maybe he had an accident.

Maybe he got chased by a mugger.

Come on, Pop.

Yeah, see, if he got chased by a mugger, he'd be in trouble, see, because he got

them bunions on his big toes.

And his foot don't bend too good.

See, so if that happened to him, that mugger would hurt him.

See, the only thing he can do against a mugger is sidestep like a crab.

No, you wouldn't worry, because you go out every night because you don't care

about me. I do care about you, punk. Now you don't care about Grady.

Now, what kind of son of a friend of a friend are you?

You know, everything's going to be all right.

Now, look, I'll bet you that's Grady now. See, you were worried about

Grady.

Fred, Fred, Fred.

Hey, Grady, what are you waiting so late for? Where you been?

What you got in there? Fred, I got the best wine.

Money combined.

This is top shelf silver satin.

Come on in, drink.

You act strange.

Wait a minute. Come here. Wait a minute. You act like you've been drinking. Let

me smell your breath.

Fred, I haven't touched a drop.

I want my best friend Fred to be in on this celebration.

What celebration?

What you celebrating, Grady?

The greatest thing in my life.

You hit the number.

No. Your bunions went away.

No.

This is something so special and so great, I can't believe it.

Fred, you just don't know how terrific this is.

I don't know. You ain't told me yet.

Come on, tell us, Grady, because I got a date. I'm going to tell you. I just

can't wait to tell you.

You're doing a pretty good job.

I want you to be the first to know.

Well, go ahead. Go ahead. Tell me.

I'll give you three guesses.

I'll give you five of these.

Oh, come on, Jess.

Okay, okay.

You... Getting married.

What did you say?

I said I'm getting married.

Hey, congratulations, Grady. I think that's terrific.

Yes, thanks.

Go on, Fred.

Congratulate me. I'm getting married.

Because it takes two people to get married.

Now, who's going to marry Grady?

None other than the sweetest, prettiest little thing in the whole wide world.

I'm getting married.

You just wait until you see, and then you'll see that I'm telling you the

She is a perfect jewel.

If she's marrying you, she's a perfect fool.

Say, when are we going to meet her, Grady? Tonight.

As soon as she gets off from work, she's going to take the bus on over, and I'm

going to walk down to the bus stop and pick her up.

Look, Grady, how'd all this happen?

Fred, it was just like in a storybook. It was so romantic.

Well, where'd you meet this girl, Grady? At JCPenney's.

It was in the tie department.

You see, I was looking for this new tie, and I couldn't decide on what color to

get. You know, between the stripes and the solids.

And suddenly I heard this sweet little voice say, Have you ever tried Paisley?

That's what she said.

Have I ever tried Paisley?

We don't want to hear all that old he said, she said stuff.

No, no, no, no. Fred, I was just coming to the exciting part. Well, get to it.

Well, after she held this tie up next to my beard, she said, I think this goes

nice with your beard.

And it did, because the tie was a thought of a maroon, and my beard is a

charcoal gray.

And you know that charcoal gray and maroon go real nice together.

Is that the exciting part, lady?

Oh, no, no. See, when she handed me the box with the new tie in it, her hand

touched mine, and I got the shivers.

Did she have warts?

No. It was just a feeling I got.

So I hung around until she got off from work. And then we went out and had us a

couple of fat burgers. And that's when I knew she was mine.

She paid for them. No, she didn't pay for them.

Well, how could two fat burgers tell you she was yours?

Well, when we ordered, she said, hold the onions on mine.

And that told me right then. that she was ready for business.

So I immediately yelled out, hold my onions too.

I knew we weren't going to waste any time with any handshakes when I took her

home. So I proposed right there.

imitation Persian original rug.

Hey, Pop, leave Grady alone, man. He's happy.

I still am. I feel a warm sensation in my heart.

That ain't no sensation.

That's gas.

See, you don't need no wife. What you need is a good physic.

Would you stop putting Grady down just because he's in love?

So he's in love.

That don't mean he gotta get married.

Get engaged.

What's the point in getting engaged, Fred? I want to get right to the

Yeah, but getting engaged is like having somebody else's credit card.

So you can get everything you want and don't have to pay for it.

Oh, no, Fred. She might find somebody else.

Grady, if she's marrying you, you can rest assured there is nobody else.

And see how adorable and charming she is.

Lamont, put my wine on ice for me. I'm going to go get my honey bunny sugar

plump. Now, I'll be right back. Just wait here.

Now, there they are now. Now, don't go spoiling it for Grady, all right?

I ain't going to spoil it. You have to try to raise me. You my kid. I raise

I'm trying to tell you. I know how to handle it.

Grady. Here I am.

Now get ready to meet my little dog.

Okay, now close your eyes.

And here she is.

And that's his loving son, Lamar.

So very glad to meet you.

Oh, I see you do laundry.

It's awfully nice meeting you, Miss Dolly. Grady's told us so much about

And Pop and I wish you the best in your new marriage, don't we, Pop?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Fred's going to be the best man at the wedding, huh?

Yeah, well, I'd like to stay and chat with you, but I've got to be running

Miss Dolly, it was nice meeting you, and again, best wishes.

Oh, thank you.

Grady, why don't you and Dolly sit over there on the couch, and I'll be right

back as soon as I say goodbye to Lamar.

Yeah, I told her all about it.

You'd be surprised at the wonderful things Grady has told me about you.

Yeah, and Grady told me a lot of things about you, too, Molly, Dolly.

Dolly.

And I still don't believe it.

Grady told me about you having him over to watch TV with you every night. Just

about every night.

Well, now that we're getting married, he won't be doing that anymore.

He won't?

No, because all of his nights are going to be spent with his lady.

Ooh, all my nights with my lady.

You see, he wouldn't need TV as long as he has his dolly to look at. Not when

I've got my dolly to look at.

I do appreciate your taking such good care of my man, Fred. But now I'm just

going to have to steal him away.

Yeah, steal me away.

He's going to steal me away, Fred.

That's called petty.

But look at it this way, friend. When we get married, you won't be losing a

friend. You'll be gaining a dolly.

Why don't you try turning on the set?

Guess I forgot.

You want me to turn it on for you? I don't care.

Hey, what's the matter with you, Pop? Come on, snap out of it, man.

It just don't seem right watching television without Grady.

And tonight we're going to watch his favorite show, The Giant Poker Pine

the Sick People.

Well, you know, you're going to have to get used to Grady not being here all the

time because he's got a woman now, Pop, and that's more fun than watching

television.

I'd rather watch Wild Kingdom.

She should have her own show.

Wild, wild world of dogs.

Yeah, well, you're just going to have to adjust to the fact that Grady's not

going to be here every night. Yeah, and I ain't got nobody to visit with me

because you go out all the time.

Hey, face it, Pop, the two of them are getting married, man, and you are going

to be the best man. And by the way, do you know what that means?

What?

You get to be the first one to kiss the bride.

I'd rather kiss Mighty Joe Young's armpits.

Now, you know, Papa, if she looked halfway good, you'd be trying to steal

for yourself.

Who, me? Yes, you.

I wouldn't mess with my best friend's girlfriend.

I'm not that type of guy. You got to be awful low down to do something like

that. Yes, you do. Well, I see you, Papa. I'm going over to Julio's.

Going to Julio's? Well, don't drink the water.

something like that to my best friend fool around with his girlfriend i think

that's the lowest possible human being in the world a man got to be low down

dirty and a snake in the grass to fool around with fool around with

JCPenney. No, no, no.

The one in the ghetto.

He's going to be a little late.

Come over and have a seat on the couch and make yourself at home.

Why don't you try some of these horse divers?

Some of these what?

Horse divers.

That's French for appetizer.

Try one of them with a bologna on it. Dip it in the mustard and shove it in

chops.

I mean, put it in your mouth.

Excuse me.

have us over for dinner, Fred.

Well, that's what friends are for. You know what I mean? That's the least we

could do is fix you a nice dinner because you won't be doing that stuff no

Stuff like what?

You know, like when you get married, when you get off from work late, you

to rush right home and fix Grady's dinner and iron his shirts and wash his

drawers.

Mr. Stanford, Grady is marrying me.

What he does from now on really is just none of your business.

Well, that's true.

I just want to wish you the best of success in happening everything. Let's

a little drink and toast it. That would be nice.

Yeah, that would be wonderful.

I got some good sparkling burgundy here.

You do?

Yeah. Cold up 59.

59, was that a good year?

No, that's a good prank.

matrimony.

Why did you come, you fool? Look what you've done.

Oh, forgive me.

What is this?

Look at me. I apologize.

Well, just look at me.

Look at you. Can I just apologize?

and wash it out as a cold water. You throw it down and I'll do it. Go on

upstairs and wash that out. Wait a minute.

Take the chill off.

Is she here?

Yo, Dolly, she here. Well, they told me on the job that she left for here right

after work.

Well, listen, maybe she got stuck on the bus.

I mean, why don't you go around the bus stop and wait for her, and then both of

you come back to dinner. You know I don't want to walk down an old bus stop.

know how my bunions hurt when I walk too much.

Anyway, something strange is going on here. Now, what's going on?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Ain't nothing going on in this. I swear to...

what's going on and off.

See, I can explain it, Grady.

Here's what happened.

I was fixing a cup of drink for Dolly and I to celebrate your wedding, and I

tripped on the rug and spilled a drink in her lap, and she went upstairs to

rinse it out in cold water, dressed in a stain, wouldn't stay there. And Lamar's

robe was on a nail in the bathroom, and she put it on. And me being the

gentleman that I am, and when she put the robe on, I put mine on so I wouldn't

embarrass her.

like no fool well only a fool would think that i would believe a cock and

story like that wait a minute who you calling a fool fool i think he was

to you darling well i'm not gonna stand here and be called a fool by an old fool

like you fool i think he's talking to you grady

Jezebel, that's what you are.

Dude, dude, dude, Jezebel, because she was wicked.

You can't talk to me that way.

Oh, yes, I can, too.

Oh, yes, he can.

There's a word for women like you who go around flaunting their body just to get

at a man's...

Well, where's she going with my robe?

I don't know, son. I was just... I was just standing here.

Now, come on, Pop. Now, tell me what was going on in here, man. Her in my

bathrobe and you in yours.

Well, I'll tell you what happened. See, I was getting a couple of drinks, and I

brought them over to Dolly's, stumbled on the rug, and spilled a drink in her

lap, and she went upstairs to watch her stain out, and she put on your robes

hanging on the nail in the bathroom, and when she put your robe on, being the

gentleman that I am, I put my robe on so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

Then you expected Grady to believe a cock and bull story like that.

My buddy didn't believe it. It's true.

Well, knowing you, it probably is the truth.

It is the truth. And I've always said the truth will set you free.

Really. And I told Grady the truth and set him free.

Where is she going with my robe?

You still talking about that robe? That was my robe.

I know it was your robe. Well, why don't you give her your robe? Because this is

my robe.

I had to have something to put on, didn't I? Yeah, but what about my robe?

She'll bring your robe back. I'm going to stop complaining about it.

You're missing a good one tonight.

Look here. They got the Tulsa Titwillows versus the San Diego Sapsuckers.

Sounds like a dynamite bill, but I think I'm going to hat up.

Oh, shit. Hey, is Grady coming over here? Oh, he might be coming around.

Now that he's busted up with old Deputy Dog.

Stop it. Well, I'll see you later, Pop.

Yeah, but that's Grady now.

Hi, Grady. You're out of my way, Lamar.

You expect me to believe a cock and bull story like that?

Get out of my way, little man.

Well, I guess it's just Sanford and the Sapsucker.