Original subtitles

I'm going to sit right there and write myself a letter.

And put a little check inside for me.

Happy, happy, happy.

Today's the day we get our Social Security check, isn't it? You got that

And it's the only day of the month that we become I.

Well, look here. Why don't you take some of that money and buy yourself some

singing lessons?

And some laborers.

You'll not anger me.

Today is the day that I get $255 .40.

Good old Uncle Sam.

Good old Uncle Sam, what are you talking about? That's not his money he's

bringing me. That's my money that he's been holding for me.

That's the money that I worked for for 40 years of my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All those... years putting it in in one big lump and getting it back in dribs

and drabs.

Dribs and drabs? That's right.

255 dribs and 40 drabs.

Yeah, well, enough about the check for now. What'd you fix me for breakfast?

Oh, flapjacks. Oh, flapjacks? No, not flapjacks.

Flapjack. Jack, when it's one, it's jack.

All you fixed me was one little flapjack for breakfast.

Now I'll fix you one huge flapjack.

Now get ready, here it comes.

Did you ever see one of those movies where the people eat in those fancy

restaurants right out the frying pan?

Well, uh, bon appetit.

My check.

Oh, all right. Here you go.

You know, I can't wait till I get to be an old man like you.

Well, goodbye, young sir.

You got that flapjack?

I didn't have to. That flapjack was dead on arrival.

Well, that's all right. Don't worry about it. Tomorrow I'll fix you a whole

stack of flapjacks with oatmeal.

Hey, Grady, I can't eat flapjacks and oatmeal. That's too filling.

Not flapjacks and oatmeal.

Flapjacks with oatmeal.

Flapmeal.

Is any mail in there for me?

Well, now, that depends.

On what? On whether you're the occupant or the resident.

I was the occupant yesterday.

Today, you be the occupant, and I'll be the resident.

Okay, well, I'll tell you what. You be the occupant and the resident.

And I'll be the recipient.

Welcome, welcome.

I'm going to take this right down and get us some good food.

A couple of six -packs and some sweet Lucy.

Hey, Brady.

Huh? I think the government made a mistake.

Oh, that wouldn't surprise me. They're always making a mistake. What happened

now? Well... They sent you an extra check for $255 .40.

And they're never wrong.

Well, now that calls for a couple of drinks.

I don't want a drink. Oh, I wasn't counting on you.

Hey, you're not planning on keeping that money, are you? Oh, no, I'm planning on

spending this money.

Yeah, Grady, but that money doesn't even belong to you.

Who does it belong to? The United States government.

That check says Grady, and the United States government's name is Sam.

All right, so the government made a mistake.

Our government never makes a mistake.

And when they do, they got a whole system to cover them up.

Grady, the government doesn't have a system for mistakes like this. Oh, yes,

they do. They send out millions of checks a day, so they're bound to make a

mistake. So when they send one extra check here, they balance that off by

sending one less check there.

And that's known as the system of checks and balances.

So you see, this is one of the checks, and I... intend to keep the balance.

Grady, if you keep those checks, man, you're going to land in jail.

Oh, no, I won't because I'm not going to keep these checks. I'm going to cash

them in right now.

Oh, terrific, terrific, terrific.

And what do you think the teller at the bank is going to say when you hand her

two checks from the government in the exact same amount?

She's going to say, hi there, Lucky.

I'm not going to try to stop you. Just go right ahead. But I never thought I'd

see the day when a man as basically as honest as you would do something that's

wrong against the United States of America.

America is not America.

It's the people who live in America that make America America.

America was just the name or the man who discovered us. And as a matter of fact,

his last name wasn't America. It was Vespucci.

The point is that it's the people. that make this country what it is. Now who

are the people?

You and me, that's who.

So who's going to send me to jail?

You and me?

Now I don't know where you're sending me, but I'm sending me to the bank.

Hey Grady!

Where could he be? He's been gone for 24 hours.

Hello, Bubba?

How you doing, buddy? This is Lamont.

Fine. Say, listen, is Grady over there at your place?

Well, have you seen him?

Well, see, we had an argument yesterday, and he stormed out of the house, and I

haven't seen him since.

I was wondering if you had seen him.

Huh? Where?

Of course I looked in the house, Bubba. He's not here.

Oh, wait a minute. I hear a knock on the door now. That's probably him. Thanks a

lot, Bubba. Bye.

All right, I'm coming.

He came as fast as he could.

Did he get here yet?

No, Ernesto. I thought you were him.

Don't make matters worse, Lamar.

What could he be, Ernesto? I have no idea.

He could be in a million places. Have you looked there?

He's probably out sinning with that ill -gotten money.

Well, just promise me one thing, Ernesto. Just promise me that you won't

Grady that I told you about that extra Social Security check that he got. Don't

worry. I won't say a word.

Good.

Hey, good morning.

Hello, Lamar. Hello, Esther.

Grady Wilson, where have you been?

Uh, uh, uh, excuse me. I haven't had too much sleep.

Uh, is this your Aunt Esther, or is this King Kong after he fell off the Empire

State Building?

Where have you been, Grady Wilson? You had everybody worried to death.

Oh, me and all this, we were out having ourselves a time.

We sure were. If you'll excuse me, may I avail myself of your facility?

Yeah, the John is upstairs, first door on the right.

You were out reaping the fruit of your undeserved... check, weren't you? Yeah,

we were out reaping off the government.

How'd she find out about that check? I told her. I told her everything. I

figured the truth was the best way.

That's right.

You can't get the Lord to work for you by telling lies.

Yeah, well, I sure wish you'd tell him a few truths so he could start working on

that face of yours.

Now, Grady Wilson, where have you been?

Oh. Me and Oris, we did the town all night long.

Huh? What could the two of you possibly find to do in this town all night?

Nothing. What you just said. I said we did the town.

I didn't say this was a town we did, did I?

Well, what town did you do?

Las Vegas, Nevada.

You went to Las Vegas?

Yeah, that's right. We caught that 4 .30 flight over there, and we had ourselves

some dinner and did a little gambling and caught two great acts at Caesars

Palace. And the Flamingo.

Flamingo Mora.

No, no, Nipsey Russell and Harry Belafonte.

I bet you you spent every penny of both those checks in Las Vegas.

I still hope so.

Well, you still met through spending because you still got the devil to pay.

no, I paid him last night. I left it for him on the heart.

Just a minute.

It's for you, Grady.

It's the Social Security Administration Office.

Hello?

Who? Oh, the Social Security Office?

I'm sorry.

switchboard operator must have disconnected us.

Mary to the phone, Mr. Wilson.

The United States Social Security administration is waiting.

Hello?

I know. Brady Wilson doesn't live here, sir. Brady?

Oh, you say you got the number, the temporary number from the operator?

Okay, hold on for a minute. I'll check and see if he's here.

That's the United States government. Now, they're going to catch up to you

sooner or later.

I'm still checking.

Would you take that receiver out of the drawer and talk to those people and take

your medicine like a man?

Now, go ahead.

Go on.

Yes, this is Grady Wilson, sir.

Oh, you'd like to come over?

When?

Oh, that's soon, huh?

Well, yeah, okay.

Well, goodbye.

When is he coming?

Any minute now.

He went over to my house, and when I wasn't there, he went to the corner and

called. They're going to ask you for that extra check back.

Well, they're going to be out of luck because I ain't got it.

All except $8 .20, which I'm going to pass on to a hitman if he don't get out

this house.

I have stood among sinners too long.

Oh, good goody goop. Now what's the matter?

I just pictured her as one of those topless dancers that I saw a lot.

You know, I'm really in trouble now.

Well, I told you not to cash those checks. I told you it would get you in

trouble. That's right.

But, you know, last night was the first time since I've been receiving those

checks that I felt they provided me with Social Security.

Brady, you spent over $510 in less than 24 hours in Las Vegas.

I didn't. After I left the bank, I got a load of groceries.

and I pay the water and electric bill for the month.

All right, that only adds up to about $50. You still spent over $400 in Las

Vegas. Yeah.

How?

Happily.

Come on, Grady. I want to know about that $400. Now, what happened to it?

how you want it? You want it penny by penny or all in general?

Penny by penny.

Okay. First, there was the bus.

Now, that was 25 cents apiece, so that totaled 50 cents.

And then when we got to the airport, we bought a newspaper so that we could read

on the plane, and that was 10 cents.

That's only 60 cents.

Yeah, well, then we bought a Mars bar, two Goobers, and a pack of Raisinets,

so that was 40 cents.

All right, that's a dollar. Go on.

Oh, and then we had that big cash layout.

What big cash layout?

Uh, miscellaneous, $399 in the account code.

And the door on your jail cell is going to be closed when Mr. Hastings asks you

for that $255 .40, and you tell him you got it tied up in razor nets and

miscellaneous.

Now, you got to come up with that money, Grady. Now, how are you going to do

that? I don't know, Lamar.

Maybe I can borrow it.

Well, look how time flies. I guess I'll be running home.

You got some money put away.

I can't give you that money. I've been saving it for 20 years.

Well, what will I do if I get sick?

I'll get senile. If I can't make money, who will I turn to? Who's going to help

me? Well, I'll help you, Otis. How are you going to help me?

You're going to be in jail.

I'll stick with you through the thin, Grady, but when it starts getting too

thick, you're on your own.

You're on your own.

Answer the door, Lamar.

Come in.

That's the wrong answer.

How do you do?

I'm Fred Hastings, Social Security Administration.

Hey, how you doing? I'm Lamar Stanford, and this is Grady Wilson.

Well, how do you do, Mr. Wilson?

Uh, yeah, gosh, see where it's... You know, I feel a touch of pneumonia coming

on. You know, I've been very susceptible to pneumonia ever since I had the tooth

taken out. And the cold air keeps rushing up to my lungs.

Well,

that's all right, Mr.

Haystack. Haystack. Oh, that's all right.

Well, as I'm sure you have already discovered, there's been a mistake

your social security check. Oh, wait a minute. I can't hear you. I'm sorry.

But you see, the water in my lungs keeps rushing up to my ears.

And it makes everybody sound like they're gargling.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, well, that's all right, Mr. Hastings.

Hastings? Oh, leave him alone. Can't you see the man is sick?

Oh, he...

He was only trying to be polite, Mr.

Haystack. You see, it's not easy for him seeing his friend die with

water in the ears.

I understand, and I'll try to be as brief as possible.

Now, as you are aware, our computer made a terrible mistake. Oh, there goes that

gargling again.

You know, like that. Everything sounds like... Our computer made

a mistake.

It will eventually be corrected.

However, during our readout, we discovered you did not receive your

month. I am very sorry.

And I personally would like to present you with this one.

And to keep talking may be fatal.

Come on.

Will you please go in the kitchen and get my miracle drug that I keep in the

aspirin bottle?

What? In the kitchen, Lamont.

You're going to jail, chump.

You know, I hope that delaying this check did not contribute in any way to

sickness. We all make mistakes.

Well, here's your miracle drug.

Oh, wow. Thank you.

I got the money for the Social Security.

Social Security.

Yes, I'm Mr. Hastings. How do you do? My name is Otis Littlejohn. Dr.

Otis Littlejohn.

Dr. Littlejohn, I'm certainly glad that you have arrived.

You see, I've been having trouble with my lungs and I would like you to check

out. Oh, I see you didn't bring your stethoscope.

Well, I just opened my mouth and you can listen down my throat.

Guess I'd better be going now. I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Mr.

Wilson. Oh, hey, Mr.

Haystack, I feel like a million dollars.

As a matter of fact, I feel like $255 .40.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

Yeah, yeah, take care of yourself, Mr. Haystack.

Goodbye, Mr. Haystack.

Oh, goodbye.

Well, I guess you won't be needing this anymore.

Oh, wow.

You was going to give me your whole life's savings.

I sure was.

Hey, well, that's very nice. You know, I'm really very grateful.

Well, that's what friends are for.

Give me that $15, you old man. I'll go.

Why did I owe you $15? For my house call.

Get out of here. You're crazy.

And by the way, your lungs didn't sound all that terrific.

You're not honestly planning on keeping all three of those checks, are you?

Well, no, not honestly.

That's not what I meant. I know it's me.

And, yeah, I'm going to keep them. I figure they'll find out their mistake

sooner or later.

And when they do, I'll settle up then. But until that time, I'm going to keep

them with a clear conscience.

Brady, how can you have a clear conscience?

Well, I tell you how I can have a clear conscience. I'm 65 years old.

Now, 40 years ago, when I first complained about them taking Social

of my check, they told me I'd get it back when I retired.

Well, when they took $1 out of my check 40 years ago, it was worth $1.

Now, when they're giving it back to me, it's only worth a quarter.

So the way I see it, I'm entitled to this check, the other two.

And one more.

I can't stand it anymore.

Well, stop shouting. I can't stand it either.

I'm talking about those checks, Grady Wilson. And what you're doing is wrong.

And in my heart, I know it's wrong. And I'm going to call up Mr. Hastings and

tell him. All right.

That's correct.

You know, I got to thinking before.

There's a good chance that they might not ever find that mistake.

They'll find it, all right.

May I please have the telephone number of the Social Security Administration

office? What I mean is that it's possible that I can keep on getting two

a month forever.

And three of old haystacks keep coming by.

Thank you very much.

But now, figuring...

only get two checks a month, that's $500 a month.

Hello, may I speak with Mr. Hastings, please?

Does that add up to $6 ,000 a year?

Hello, Mr. Hastings, this is Lamont. That's $3 ,000 for you and $3 ,000 for

but you do what your heart tells you.

Lamont Cranston, who knows what evil lurks in the heart of me?