Original subtitles

Grady! Hey Grady!

Grady!

Hey Grady!

Grady!

Look at this place.

Well, my little vegetables.

I want you to know how happy I am that you've been growing so nicely for me

while your daddy Fred's been away.

And since you've been so nice, I have a little poem for you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Dorothy's are pink, and Janet's got a

in them.

What are you doing?

I'm talking to your father's plants. Do you mind?

No, I don't mind. Have you gotten to the part where you tell them that you're a

yo -yo?

Come on. You're supposed to talk to plants and vegetables.

Oh, yeah? And what fool told you that? Nobody told me. I read it right here in

this paper in the home garden section.

See? It says that it's a proven fact.

That plants grow best when they feel the vibrations of love emanating from your

heart to their petals.

Now watch this.

Hello, babies!

Grady, you're going to be the first old man in history to get busted for

molesting a tomato.

Don't you listen to him, honey.

That's what I mean, Grady. You're spending too much time out here in this

garden, man.

When is the last time you cleaned up the house? When is the last time you

cooked? When is the last time you made up your bed?

I give up. When?

You see, that's exactly what I mean, man. You're spending all your time out

in this garden and the house is going to pot.

Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to fix you an extra special dinner tonight.

And to show you that I haven't been wasting my time out here, I get most of

stuff right from here.

You mean to tell me you're going to eat this stuff right out of the ground?

Well, it's a good food.

Here, try this. Go ahead.

What?

Goodbye, Doris.

Go ahead.

Hey, this isn't bad, Grady. What other kind of vegetables you got growing out

here? Well, let's see. I got some lettuces and...

Uh, radishes.

Hey, Grady. Grady.

What's that scribbly stuff growing over there?

Oh, that's parsley. Wild parsley.

And it sprung up by itself.

Are you sure that's parsley?

Well, sure I'm sure that's parsley.

And you know what, Lamar? The great thing about this garden is that it's

No chemicals, no sprays.

It's natural. Just a little plant food and that's it. Oh yeah? Well, what do

use for fertilizer?

Nothing. Mrs. Nelson's cat comes by twice a day.

How's your whiplash, Esther?

Oh, it's fine. It'll be all well on Friday.

Well, how do you know it's going to be well on Friday?

Because the trial is Thursday.

Oh, what a pretty little garden.

No, no, hey, hey, wait a minute. Now, Fred told me to keep you out of this

garden.

Is that so? Yeah, he said just because he had planted a garden of Eden, there

was no reason to let the serpent in.

If you're done talking to the vegetables, why don't you go in there

the frying pan and tell it to cook us some dinner?

Okay. Would you mind doing me a favor, please, and feeding my plants while I'm

in there?

What's that fish for?

Oh, that's for Mrs. Nelson's cat. You see, sometimes you have to prime the

And talk to the vegetables for me, will you please?

Make them feel wanted.

Talk to the vegetables.

Did you hear him?

Well, come on, you guys better eat up, because this might be your last meal

before you become my meal.

Sam, my man, what are you doing? Hey, Rollo, what's happening, man? Look here,

want to ask you a question.

Does that look like wild parsley to you?

You mean the marijuana?

Think of some way to get rid of that stuff.

Hey, don't worry, baby. I'll do it. Wait a minute.

I know.

I'll burn it. That's exactly what I had in mind.

We can't burn it, man. If we burn it, then somebody will smell it.

I know. We'll turn it into the police.

Oh, you can't turn it into the police, fool.

Oh, we'll do. Come on, we got to figure this out intelligently.

Come on, sit down here. I got an idea. I know it'll work.

Understand? Look here.

Now, We know we can't burn it. No, we can't burn it, man. Yeah.

And we can't wrap it up in a bundle with paper because it would stick out like a

sore thumb.

Yeah, it would stick out like a sore thumb. Yeah, somebody would find it.

Somebody would find it. So here's what I'll do. Yeah? Instead of wrapping it up

in a huge piece of paper, throwing it out.

little pieces of paper and i'll get rid of it all one by one

are you finished

okay because now i've got an idea now it's just about time for smitty and

to get off from duty so we'll go over to the precinct and tell them about it

what do you mean we ain't they the police yeah they're the police but

also our friends rollo now if we talk to them off the record then we won't get

on on the record. Now, come on, let's go. I don't know, man, you understand?

your partner, but I'll go with it. I think you're making a big mistake. I'm

making no mistake. Look, now look.

Now, if this is marijuana, it's our duty to turn it in.

But before we turn it in, why don't we do a little turn it on?

I'm sorry, but the time has come.

Let's see. A little of this and this and this and some of this

and a little of this will make a fine salad.

Now, no salad would be complete without a salad.

Ernie's more parsley.

over here. Now, I want you to know that I'm bringing you over here as a friend,

not as a policeman and not in your official capacity. And I'm just going to

right out and be honest with you and tell you it's gone.

What's gone?

Officer Smith, I think we should be a bit more official about this inquiry.

Now, what's gone?

It was a wheelbarrow.

I mean, it was a wheelbarrow.

It was a wheelbarrow full of parsley.

Wheelbarrow full of parsley.

Now, that's not your everyday robbery.

Well, I guess whoever it belonged to must have come and taken it away, so it

a false alarm.

Now, wait.

Why would anyone put parsley in a wheelbarrow?

Well, I guess they wanted to make deliveries.

Me? All right. Did we establish that the wheelbarrow was full of parsley? No.

Partially. Partially full or partially parsley?

Partially parsley.

Partially parsley.

Possibly.

Partially. Partially.

Probably.

Probably.

Possibly.

Partially. Partially.

No.

What I'm... Oh, it's me and Avi.

Hey, brother.

Hey, how you doing, Ray? Hi. Wow, you're just in time for dinner. I just got

through, and I got plenty, and you said, come on in and join me, you love it.

Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. Why don't you stay for dinner?

Hey, why not? It's almost quitting time. What do you say, Hoppy? All right,

let's get it in. Get it on. Get it on. Get it on.

Hey,

you know what, Rollo? I bet you that stuff didn't grow wild, man. I bet you

somebody planted it and unplanted it when we was gone.

Yeah, and I sure like to be his bosom buddy right about now.

Yeah, well, I'd just like to get my hands on a dude that did it.

Yeah, me too.

I had such high hopes.

for the little liquid refreshments here.

Now, this is half mint julep and half ripple.

And Fred calls this mint chipple.

Well, it sounds delicious, Mr. Wilson, but actually we're still on duty for

another five, four, three, two, one. For me, please.

Hey,

this is out of sight, Greg.

You know, Mr. Wilson, this reminds me of a drink we had back in the service. It

was called a block and tackle.

You drank three of those.

You walk a block, and you tackle anybody.

You get it? You tackle anybody.

Oh, what a sense of humor.

Oh, my God. Short hair and all. Those guys were funny.

Well, now for the main course. Now, I call this salad a la Grady.

That is marvelous.

You know, I've been eating only salads lately.

You probably noticed I've gotten a little lighter.

Yeah, if you get any lighter, then you'll be transparent.

here's what you've been waiting for.

Hey, Greg, that looks fantastic.

And what all's in here?

Well, I got some cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, hog head cheese, and a little

wild parsley.

Uh, I don't think you guys would be wanting to eat nothing with wild parsley

it. Ain't nothing wrong with the salad.

Wrong? Hey.

That is delicious.

Ought to be a crime for a salad to be this good.

In most states, it is.

Grady, can I see you for a minute in the kitchen?

Well, not now.

I mean, can't you see I'm busy?

Now, you wouldn't disturb a master chef in his moment of glory, would you? No,

but see, I'm... You wouldn't disturb George Washington Carver when he was

planting the peanuts. No, but I... You wouldn't disturb Hank Aaron when he was

standing up at the plate. No, but you... You wouldn't disturb the Wright

brothers when they were trying to fly.

That's exactly what I want to talk to you about. Stay

away from that salad, Robert.

I said stay away from that salad. Oh, man.

Now, what's this about the Wright brothers?

Well, it's a flying project I want to talk to you about, Grady. Now, I don't

know quite how to say this, but I don't think that was wild parsley in that

salad you made.

Well, what do you think was in it?

Marijuana.

Marijuana?

Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just go on out there and ask Smitty and

Hoppy if they taste marijuana in the salad. No, wait a minute. Grady, you

do that. They're the police.

Well, you don't think I'm going to take your word for it, do you?

You don't have to, Grady. Now, just about everybody knows that one of the

side effects of using marijuana is the hungries or the munchies.

Weren't they in The Wizard of Oz?

That was the munchkins.

Oh, yeah.

Now, didn't you just love that picture?

Grady, would you knock it off? This is no time for that. There was Dorothy and

Toto and the Wicked Witch of the West. Of

the West, Grady.

Now, look.

Now, what we got to do, see, is we got to go out there, and if Smitty and Hoppy

are still hungry, then that means it was marijuana.

If they're not, it wasn't. Now, come on. All right. Follow the yellow brick

ropes.

Stop them. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

how can they take you to jail if they're eating up all the evidence?

That's food for thought.

Right. Come on, let's go.

Hey, how are you fellas feeling?

I mean, how's the food? Not very.

I'm larval. Oh, yeah?

Well, wait a minute. Oh, goodness. Did you finish up this little bit? Sit right

here. Oh, come on. Don't leave anything in the bowl.

Hey, don't worry about me, Grady. I'm so hungry I could eat a porky pan and his

mama.

I could eat anything.

And you just did.

Well, that just about does it for dinner. I'll just take your plates.

Rallo, why don't you take these plates and the salad bowl in the kitchen and

wash them out thoroughly.

Clear. Oh, okay.

And if you guys are still hungry, I suggest that you go down to a restaurant

get something to eat. As a matter of fact, you should leave now because the

restaurant starts getting crowded around this time of day.

No, that wouldn't bother us. We'd just arrest a couple of people in line and

take their places, right?

Hey, Hoppy, my man.

Let's go down to the rib shack.

All right.

That's a good idea.

Where is that place? Oh, just follow the yellow brick road.

That lovely little girl and her dog, Tito.

Yeah,

that little girl, Toto, and her dog, Tito.

Oh, but say, if you fellas don't hurry up, you're going to miss your meal down

there. Do don't, Mr. Wilson. You've got to give me the recipe for that mint

jibble. Yeah, now that's a mellow drink, Jack. Yeah, well, I'm certainly glad

you fellas came by.

It was a high...

I am starving.

Great spirit food.

Soul food. Oh, yeah.

Hey,

say, Hoppy, I think you better let me drive.

Well, that's fine with me. I was going to just jog along beside the car anyway

for a little exercise.

Yeah, good luck to you, too. And I hope you don't get arrested by the police.

Aren't we the police, huh?

Hey, Lamar, you know what? I think you were right about that wild parsley.

Yeah, and then again, it could have been those mint jiffles, Grady. They did

finish off quite a few of them. Yeah.

Hey, what's that smell?

I don't know, but it's coming from the kitchen.

I put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Ronald, we don't have a dishwasher.

And they're baking in the oven.

Just look on the bright side of it, Grady. At least we don't have to worry

getting busted.

I don't know how to tell you this, Lamar, but there's another bowl of salad

the refrigerator.

Oh, no.

Look what I found in the refrigerator.

Look, you get rid of this, Grady, and I'm going to take Rala out there and

him around until I clear his head up. Then I'm going to walk him to the bus

stop. Come on, Rala.

Hey, show us the... I have to get rid of the... Oh,

it's the police. They'll come back.

What am I going to do with the evidence?

Ask them.

What are you holding there, you old sinner?

It's your dinner.

Well, I bet you...

Now,

you sure you don't want something to drink with this?

No, thank you, Grady, dear.

Oh, well, I think I'll have me a little drinky -winky.

Don't you know that alcohol is a lubricant for the devil?

Sure do, and I'm just about due for an oil change.

When did you say Lamont would be back?

He didn't say, but he should be dropping in before you be flying out.

Delicious. Are you getting hungrier?

Why should I be getting hungrier? I'm getting fuller, Grady.

Oh. Well, why don't you take a big mouthful?

Oh, this is delicious.

I bet you got about five or six different ingredients in here. Well, you

that right.

Onions. Yeah.

Celery.

Lettuce. Sure.

Wild parsley.

Did you say wild parsley?

I mean, you taste wild parsley in there?

I sure do.

Now, are you sure you do?

Positive. I've loved wild parsley ever since I was a child.

Oh, yeah?

Well, now, that's all I wanted to know. I hope you love walking because it's

time for you to do so.

Thank you for dropping in. Now, drop out.

I should have known.

I should have known, Grady Wilson.

I don't know how I let you suck at me into staying here this long.

you. Instead, I visited the devil.

I talked with the devil.

I sat with the devil. I ate of the devil's food, and I'm getting the devil

of here.

That's pretty good, too.

Hey, Grady, what are you doing? I'm just finishing up this, uh... The

evidence. Are you crazy? What are you doing? A man your age eating that stuff.

No, no, wait. I just thought it was my responsibility to look after you. To

sure that there was nothing incriminating around here.

Look, Grady, I think you better come over here and sit down and rest.

Oh, no, I can't do that, you see, because I got to clean up around here.

were absolutely right.

I have been neglecting my duties, and it's time for me to clean up. I got to

the mopping, the cleaning, the dusting, and take care of things. And besides, I

got to do it in a hurry because I think I'm getting the munchkins.

Oh, no.

Look, Brady, you just go ahead and rest. I'll fix you something to eat, okay?

Well, what about the dishes? Look, just forget about the dishes. Forget about

the housework. I'll take care of everything, all right? Now, you just

here and sit down and make yourself comfortable, okay? Now, I'll take care

everything. Don't worry about nothing, all right? Just relax.